1. Gotta Blast!
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2. Help!
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3. Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
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4. "Enter the completely
'legitimate'
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5. Hollywood Screenplay Contest."
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6. "Winning script
will get made
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7. by famous
Hollywood director."
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8. "If you can read this sign,
you, too, can write a movie."
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9. What a scam!
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10. You would enter
a lame contest like that?
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11. Just because you
couldn't enter it...
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12. Why couldn't I?
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13. Oh, please, when they
were passing out creativity,
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14. you were locked
in the little nerds' room.
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15. Remember his
awful short story?
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16. "Call it fate," Ursula said,
finishing her pastrami sandwich.
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17. "No," Lance said,
"Call it binomial expansion."
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18. And remember
his painting?
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19. And remember
his opera?
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20. Don't even...
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21. That was horrible.
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22. Yeah, don't
go there.
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23. You rule
math and science,
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24. but have the creativity
of a tree stump.
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25. Oh, yeah?
We'll see about that.
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26. Cut. Exit scene.
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27. Fade out.
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28. What's he
talking about?
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29. Got me—
that was creepy.
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30. I'll show those guys.
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31. How hard can it be
to write a "screenplay?"
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32. Wait a minute, I have
to approach this scientifically.
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33. Goddard, download
the most successful movies
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34. and let me watch them
at hyperspeed.
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35. I'm king of the...
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36. Precious...
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37. May the force be...
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38. Home...
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39. Box of chocolates...
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40. There is no try...
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41. Nemo!
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42. To infinity and...
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43. We left Kevin!
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44. And your little dog, too!
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45. Go to blast.
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46. So, what's your
movie about, Libs?
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47. My movie's called
Cappuccino Jones.
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48. Hip Hop singer by day,
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49. fashion designer
FBI agent by night.
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50. Well, my movie's
about a handsome,
buff llama rancher
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51. who's in love with
a beautiful older woman
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52. named Judy.
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53. Hey, isn't Jimmy's
mom named Judy?
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54. Uh... no,
I made that name up.
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55. I couldn't think
of anything,
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56. so I just stapled some pages
of the phone book together.
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57. I call it, Attack of the People
Named Frank Johnson!
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58. Mine's about
a beautiful blonde girl
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59. who gets perfect grades
and is extremely popular.
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60. So it's
a work
of fantasy.
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61. Very hilarious.
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62. And what did
Mr. No Talent write?
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63. Ah, just a little something
I call
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64. The World's Greatest Movie.
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65. And that's a wrap.
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66. Cut. Print it.
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67. Man, what is
wrong with him?
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68. Seven?
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69. A monkey?
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70. Creamed corn?
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71. No!
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72. The answer is
"George Washington"!
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73. Excuse me, Miss Fowl,
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74. we have a call from
Quentin Smithee in Hollywood.
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75. He's chosen the winner
of the screenplay contest.
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76. Yes!
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77. Quentin, baby.
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78. Sheen here.
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79. I knew you'd love it.
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80. What do you think
about the title?
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81. "Jimmy Won, You Imbecile"?
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82. That's a dumb title!
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83. Give me that.
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84. Hello.
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85. Thanks, Mr. Smithee.
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86. Okay...
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87. See you soon.
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88. Ciao.
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89. Hmm, seems I won the contest.
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90. Anything you'd like
to say... Cindy?
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91. I'm very happy for you.
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92. Cindy, stop clawing your desk!
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93. Now that you're a big
Hollywood screenwriter,
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94. are you going to remember
us little people?
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95. And your name
is, uh...
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96. Oh, I'm just kidding.
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97. It's Rob, right?
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98. My name is Quentin Smithee,
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99. and I'm here to rock
your cinematic world.
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100. Mr. Neutron,
let me just say that this is
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101. the best action-adventure-
science-fiction-fantasy-
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102. martial arts-historical-romance
script I've ever read.
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103. Thanks!
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104. And I have a surprise
for you all.
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105. I'm shooting the entire movie
in Retroville.
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106. But Mr. Smithee, my story
takes place in London,
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107. the Atlantic Ocean,
a mythical world and Texas.
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108. Retroville doesn't look
like any of those.
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109. It's called paint,
cheap and in a can.
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110. As far as casting,
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111. this script
is too real for actors,
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112. so I'll use
the actual residents
of Retroville.
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113. I want you, you, you, you
and... you.
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114. I'm in the movie, too?
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115. This is so great!
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116. I'm a movie star!
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117. I'll be bigger
than Erik Estrada.
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118. Now, for my crew:
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119. Who wants to spend
long hours for no money
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120. doing whatever I tell you to?
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121. Me! I do! I do!
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122. See you on set tomorrow at 6:00.
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123. Please let me be
in your movie.
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124. I'll do anything—
anything!
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125. Sure, you can be... Donut Boy.
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126. Now get off my car.
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127. Is the movie called
The Adventures of Donut Boy?
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128. No, you bring donuts
to the set.
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129. Now, get off my car!
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130. I pretend
to be Donut Boy,
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131. but actually
I'm an undercover cop
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132. who lives by
his own rules—
I love it!
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133. Can you drop me off
at my house?
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134. Uh... this is fine.
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135. See you tomorrow!
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136. Libby, you look
ten years younger
in this makeup.
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137. What?
I don't want to look one.
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138. Oh, these costumes
are scrumptious!
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139. You just can't go wrong
with basic black.
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140. Ready to make
some magic, people?
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141. Hook them up.
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142. Bolbi hooking up.
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143. Okay, okay, now,
now for this scene, right,
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144. you'll be suspended
on microscopic safety wires.
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145. Uh, shouldn't we be using
stunt people for this?
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146. What,
you mean fake it?
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147. No way, cool actors
do their own stunts.
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148. I don't want to be cool.
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149. This scene
is supposed to take place
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150. on a ship in
the Atlantic Ocean.
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151. And?
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152. We're on a roof.
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153. He not
only writes,
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154. he has eyeballs.
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155. What a find!
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156. Bolbi say, "Quiet, set!"
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157. Light go on!
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158. Camera roll!
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159. Mr. Smithee, how do
I start this thing?
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160. I have no idea.
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161. Just keep pushing buttons
until something happens.
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162. And...
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163. Um, director dude,
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164. I'm picking up
a weird gurgling sound.
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165. Cut!
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166. So I didn't have
any breakfast.
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167. I was kind of nervous
about the movie...
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168. Donut Boy!
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169. Are you ready for my scene?
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170. Okay, I've been
practicing— listen.
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171. I got your cream-filled,
double-glazed right here.
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172. Yeah.
Feed it!
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173. Ow.
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174. Hmm...
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175. You, go jump in a lake.
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176. To practice for the big
underwater scene? Gotcha.
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177. And action!
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178. Zero, you are
the chosen one.
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179. The world is
a computer simulation.
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180. Now, let's take a cruise
on this brand new ocean liner!
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181. Forget the cruise—
today we fight.
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182. Quick, quick, grab hands!
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183. He's got sticky
doughnut stuff
all over him!
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184. Hurry up, Jimmy!
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185. Ow...
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186. That was unsettling.
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187. Another few seconds
and we'd have been toast.
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188. Yeah, not the good kind
of toast either—
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189. with the chewy crust and
real butter on the top...
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190. You think Smithee
knows what he's doing?
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191. Of course he does!
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192. You guys just don't know
how true artists work.
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193. What a shame.
So glad no one got hurt.
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194. Accidents will happen.
Isn't movie making thrilling?
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195. Okay, moving on!
Next scene.
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196. Bolbi say, move, people!
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197. Time is the money!
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198. Okay, okay, now, in this scene
you begin a quest
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199. to find the mystical and
all-powerful Lord of the Rugs.
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200. Uh, this scene
was supposed to take place
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201. on a misty mountaintop with
everyone riding white stallions.
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202. Yeah, yeah,
but when I read it,
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203. it just screamed
"roller coaster."
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204. But when I wrote it...
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205. Oh, writer
versus director...
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206. Hmm, I win.
Hey, wait a minute.
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207. This is a love scene?
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208. I have to kiss... Neutron!
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209. Bolbi say shoot film!
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210. I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Smithee.
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211. We wants it. We needs it.
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212. We must have
the precious doughnut ring.
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213. No, no, master,
not listening.
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214. I hate you.
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215. I hate you, too.
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216. Donut Boy,
take a hike!
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217. So I look sweaty for
the action scenes?
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218. Love it!
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219. You planned this
all along, Neutron.
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220. You wanted
to kiss me.
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221. Hey, hey, hey,
I didn't know
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222. any of us were going
to be in this movie.
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223. But make sure you do
justice to the material.
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224. Just remember
I'm acting.
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225. I'm not enjoying this.
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226. And action!
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227. One rug to rule them all,
one rug to bind them,
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228. one rug to bring them all
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229. and one rug
to cover up that spot
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230. in the living room.
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231. Kiss me, my love,
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232. before we are attacked
by dinosaurs,
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233. aliens, pirates
and gladiators!
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234. Wait! Stop!
What?
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235. Oh, you big-headed...
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236. Oh, I was in the moment!
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237. We're about
to fly off the tracks!
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238. Hold on!
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239. Goddard,
deploy crash pad.
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240. Everybody, jump on three!
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241. Where's my
stunt double?
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242. One, two, three...
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243. Oh, are you okay?
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244. I'm so sorry;
heads will roll.
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245. See you tomorrow—
bring smiles.
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246. We just almost
got killed again.
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247. If it wasn't for
the free food,
I'd quit!
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248. You can't quit my movie,
I mean, our movie.
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249. Who is this
Quentin Smithee, anyway?
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250. Has anyone ever heard of him?
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251. Of course—
he's very famous.
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252. He made that movie...
you know,
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253. with that actor,
and it had that scene.
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254. Goddard, data check:
Quentin Smithee.
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255. "No match."
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256. He's a young, fresh,
undiscovered talent?
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257. Darn that Jimmy Neutron!
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258. Well, another little "accident"
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259. on the set
will take care of that.
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260. I will destroy Jimmy Neutron
and his friends
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261. or my name isn't...
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262. Professor Finbar Calamitous.
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263. Ho-ho-ho.
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264. Pretending to make a movie
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265. to get rid of Jimmy Neutron
and his pesky friends is genius.
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266. They ruined my plans before,
but they will not ruin this one.
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267. Just a...
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268. Oh, um...
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269. Just a minute!
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270. Mr. Smithee,
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271. we have a little problem.
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272. The other actors want to quit.
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273. Why?
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274. It was either falling
off the 40-story building
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275. or almost crashing
on the roller coaster.
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276. Oh, what a bunch of babies!
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277. I know— I told them making
great art can be dangerous,
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278. but they won't listen.
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279. I'll speak to the others.
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280. Okay, you guys, look.
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281. I know you've almost been killed
twice in the past 24 hours.
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282. But that was the past—
it's a new day, a new scene.
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283. Any questions?
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284. Um, yes.
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285. Are you going to finish
that croissant?
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286. Knock yourself out.
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287. Let me assure you
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288. that nothing can possibly
go wrong in this next scene,
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289. because it's
a big musical number.
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290. We get to sing and dance?
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291. And shake our tail feathers?
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292. Hold on— there's
no musical number
in my script.
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293. Studio wanted it.
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294. You'll love it.
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295. Hey, Quentin!
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296. Is this the scene
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297. where Donut Boy sings
the Donut Boy theme song?
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298. That's me, yeah.
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299. Got a creamy filling.
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300. No, this is the scene
where you get lost!
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301. Donut Boy goes missing
to increase the suspense?
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302. I love it!
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303. Bye-bye now.
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304. All right, let's do this!
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305. Five, six, seven, eight!
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306. Yah-cha-cha-cha!
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307. And now for the big finish.
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308. Stay down!
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309. I can take them out
with my watch!
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310. Curse that Jimmy
and his inventions.
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311. How hard can it be to eliminate
five obnoxious kids?
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312. Sorry!
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313. Those hats must have
been left over
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314. from When Hats Attack.
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315. I am out of here!
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316. Your script is not worth
getting killed over.
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317. Yeah— maybe wounded,
but not killed!
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318. The odds of
another accident
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319. happening are 1,456,782 to one.
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320. Hmm...
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321. Nah!
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322. But... but my movie...
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323. Sorry, did I say
"my" again?
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324. We can get
other actors, right?
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325. No, no— impossible—
they're irreplaceable.
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326. Cindy is
Princess Butterface.
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327. No, we got to get
all of them back.
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328. Okay, I'll get them.
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329. They're not going to stop
this movie.
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330. We're not dead yet.
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331. No, but you will be.
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332. Okay, I'm not saying
I would have won the Oscar,
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333. but I would have
been nominated.
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334. There you all are.
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335. Look, I know we've had
some minor mishaps,
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336. but I'll guarantee
your safety.
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337. We have to finish my movie.
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338. Our movie!
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339. Right.
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340. Sam, another round on me.
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341. Come on, you could be
movie stars.
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342. Think of it:
limousines, swimming pools...
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343. Monkeys?
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344. By the barrel full.
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345. I'm in!
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346. No way— forget it.
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347. We almost got killed
three times.
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348. Just think of
the Hollywood parties,
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349. with those
little weenies
on the little buns.
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350. Designers begging you
to wear their clothes.
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351. Your face on a screen
20 feet high.
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352. And the monkeys!
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353. Tell me about
the monkeys, Jim.
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354. Monkeys as far
as the eye can see.
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355. So will you do it
for your old pal?
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356. Will you do it for the Jimster?
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357. No!
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358. But—
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359. we'll do it for
the fame and fortune.
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360. And the monkeys!
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361. Are they spider monkeys?
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362. Can they open up bananas
with their teeth?
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363. Okay, okay, okay,
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364. okay, okay, okay, okay—
the climax of our film.
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365. This is where
you become magicians,
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366. visit a dinosaur park
and rescue the ruby slippers.
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367. What?
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368. He wrote it.
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369. I just direct.
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370. All right, I decided
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371. to set this scene
in the 13th century,
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372. and they didn't
have watches,
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373. so I'll take this,
and here's your magic wand.
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374. This isn't left over
from a movie called,
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375. When Sticks Shoot
50-Foot Flames, is it?
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376. Goddard, analyze.
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377. It's just a piece of wood.
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378. That reminds me.
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379. I know how sensitive
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380. a robotic dog's ears
can be.
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381. You!
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382. Get that mutt
off the set!
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383. Striking the doggy!
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384. Okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay— follow me.
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385. Uh... Quentin,
I noticed you made
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386. some changes to this scene—
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387. 87 to be exact—
and there's no ending.
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388. Oh, yeah, there'll be
an ending, trust me.
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389. But shouldn't we know
what it is?
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390. Oh... let's just
have fun with it.
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391. Lights, camera, action!
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392. So, you are the evil one
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393. whose name is really
hard to pronounce.
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394. Yes, and this is the end of you,
Perry Bladder.
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395. Klaatu Barada Nikto!
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396. Oh, crumpets!
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397. What's the matter with this?
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398. Nothing ever works.
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399. Oh, why can't I ever...
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400. Finish anything?
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401. The half-eaten croissant;
he forgot to write an ending;
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402. no record of "Quentin Smithee's
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403. he didn't know how to start
the camera— it's...
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404. Professor Finbar Calamitous.
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405. And welcome to the last scene
of the movie and your lives.
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406. Quentin, baby!
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407. I'm back and I'm ready
for my next big scene!
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408. Gramps, have you seen
Quentin around here?
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409. Help!
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410. Help!
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411. Ooh, I bet this is
the scene
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412. where Donut Boy
saves the day.
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413. Come on, big, giant,
uh, slither beast!
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414. Taste the sugary fury
of Donut Boy!
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415. Butch, you getting
the good side?
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416. Donut Boy,
you've made your last delivery.
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417. Wait a minute.
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418. Donuts!
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419. No, thanks.
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420. No, the gooey glaze
of those donuts
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421. could short-circuit
the wiring on that snake.
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422. Dad, throw your donuts
in the snake's mouth!
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423. I don't think
my character
would do that!
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424. All right,
you're the writer.
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425. Eat donuts, you fiend!
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426. Honey-glazed!
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427. Chocolate!
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428. Chocolate with sprinkles!
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429. Lemon custard!
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430. No! No, no, no, no!
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431. No!
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432. No...!
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433. Oof!
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434. I hate show business.
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435. Oof!
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436. Cut! That's a wrap.
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437. That was totally cool!
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438. Yeah, well, you know
I'd love to stay
and chat,
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439. but I'd better
get back to the house
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440. and wait for
my fan mail.
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441. Get me out of here!
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442. No, problem.
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443. I'll get you out there
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444. and back to your nice,
warm jail cell!
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445. I'll get you,
Jimmy Neutron,
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446. and when I do, I'm going
to do something really...
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447. Well, evil, of course.
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448. That goes without saying.
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449. I'll have to get back
to you on the specifics.
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450. Well, it looks like Calamitous
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451. only did my screenplay
to destroy us.
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452. I guess I don't have
any artistic talent.
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453. Nope!
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454. Still, it's too bad
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455. we couldn't finish the movie.
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456. Hey, maybe we can.
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457. We still have the camera
and film.
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458. This time we'll do it exactly
the way I wrote it.
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459. No way!
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460. This time we do our movies.
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461. Judy, my love, this ranch
and all my llamas
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462. could be yours
if you'd marry me.
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463. I can't.
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464. I'm too blonde, too smart
and too popular.
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465. Hold up, y'all.
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466. Cappuccino Jones is here
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467. to bring the sass
and kick out the jams.
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468. Behold, I am the Monkey King.
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469. I command you all to dance!
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470. Dance, I say!
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471. Dance!
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472. So what do you want
me to say now?
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473. Got to blast!
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