1. Neat.
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2. Sweet.
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3. Petite.
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4. Hungry?
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5. Picture in domestic tranquility.
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6. Hemlock on the hearth, and my
lovely wife feeding the piranha.
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7. Next to you-know-what, they
like pickled herring the best.
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8. Good little eaters, aren't they?
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9. Next to Kitty cat they're
the best eaters in the house.
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10. Oh, dear. Morticia, Gomez.
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11. Kitty cat didn't eat his dinner
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12. and he's acting so strangely.
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13. See? No pep, no energy.
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14. Poor dear does look a bit under.
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15. I tried everything
to cheer him up.
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16. I even stuck my head
in his mouth up to there.
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17. If that didn't cheer him up...
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18. He's been making friends
with that alley cat next door.
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19. Scrunchy little thing,
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20. but maybe he wants
a friend who's a cat.
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21. Any kind of a cat.
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22. Mama, you are so wise.
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23. Kitty cat is of an age to
marry and have a family.
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24. Darling, why don't we
send to Africa for a mate?
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25. Send? Send?
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26. Querida, suppose I had just
received you in the mail instead of
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27. stalking you as I did?
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28. Morticia.
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29. Those runs we had
through Hurricane Dora.
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30. By the time Typhoon Terry
came, we were engaged.
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31. Kitty cat must have
the same chance.
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32. Yes, darling.
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33. You rang?
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34. Lurch, begin
preparations for a safari.
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35. I'll tell the children.
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36. A safari!
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37. Is it true we're going to visit
the happy hunting ground?
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38. Yes, we're taking
Kitty cat wife-shopping.
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39. Well, let's get wives
for everybody. I'm ready.
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40. You needn't go to
Africa for yours, old man.
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41. Oh, yes. All the local
girls have turned me down.
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42. I can't imagine why.
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43. Well, it's when I tell them
I sleep on a bed of nails.
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44. American girls just
don't seem to like that.
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45. True femininity is disappearing.
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46. Darling, why don't I cable the white
hunter and tell him to expect us?
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47. Excellent idea, my dear.
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48. Tell him accommodations
for seven people,
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49. one lion, one alligator,
one octopus and one spider.
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50. Better forget the spider.
I like to travel light.
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51. Yes, bwana.
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52. When you call me
bwana, my blood boils.
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53. And how I love the sound.
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54. Did it come through?
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55. No, Uncle Fester.
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56. Bravo, querida.
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57. Try this one.
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58. What's this one, dear?
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59. It's what the Batulu tribe calls
a kitku, or a far-carrying spear.
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60. They use it against
distant relatives.
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61. What's the number?
That's the area code.
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62. Very good.
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63. What's this one, darling?
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64. I believe that's a mashu klift.
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65. A spear of great accuracy
designed for use against tsetse flies.
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66. Oh, dear, that bell's
out of order again.
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67. No problem.
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68. You rang?
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69. Lurch, a tsetse fly, please.
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70. Ready?
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71. Release.
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72. Perfect hit.
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73. What? What?
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74. You mean, you think Kitty
cat may just have a cold?
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75. By george, it never
occurred to me.
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76. Of course, it could
be as simple as that.
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77. Merely a case for
the family doctor.
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78. Family witch doctor, of course.
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79. Well, to the telephone, my dear.
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80. Do you remember
Dr. Mbogo's number in Africa?
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81. Zulu 854.
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82. Oh, yes. Thank you, my dear.
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83. Person-to-person call to
Dr. Mbogo in Africa. Zulu... What?
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84. First name? Just a moment.
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85. You remember
Dr. Mbogo's first name?
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86. Mbogo.
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87. Oh, yes, of course. Mbogo.
I can never remember that.
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88. Dr. Mbogo Mbogo, please.
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89. Who did you want again?
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90. Oh, Dr. Mbogo.
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91. Wait a minute. I'll see if I
can get a hold of him. Hold on.
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92. We'll have to get
ourselves a hollow log.
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93. We'd save a lot of
time by dialing direct.
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94. Hello, Dr. Mbogo?
Gomez Addams here.
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95. How are you, Doctor?
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96. Oh, that's too bad.
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97. Well, we have a little
problem here ourselves.
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98. Kitty cat. Seems to be
suffering from lack of appetite.
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99. Yes.
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100. Take three hairs
from a wildebeest.
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101. Mix with boiling water.
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102. Burn down the hut?
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103. I think the doctor had better
come out and have a look.
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104. Absolutely.
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105. Doctor, I think you'd better come
out and examine him personally.
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106. Come on, Doctor, you ought
to be used to that by now.
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107. That's your final word, eh?
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108. Well, as long as
you feel that way.
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109. He refuses to come
out and see Kitty cat.
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110. Refuses to see him?
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111. Seems Kitty cat's
father ate his father.
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112. Well, you rustle up boiling
water and some matches,
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113. and I'll go hunt
up a wildebeest.
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114. Darling, where are we
going to find a wildebeest
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115. this time of year?
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116. I think I saw one
lurking in Mama's room.
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117. Leave it to Mama.
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118. I'll help you trap it.
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119. But first, to the library
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120. for a little target practice.
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121. Darling.
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122. Cousin Itt, would you help us
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123. with the target
practice, please?
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124. Ready? Ready.
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125. You're getting warmer, darling.
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126. Try it again.
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127. Now, up to Mama's
room and that wildebeest.
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128. What? It isn't a
wildebeest, it's Mama?
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129. Well, that lets out Dr. Mbogo.
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130. Darling, I do
believe Thing is right.
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131. Why don't we
call a veterinarian?
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132. Well, a veterinarian isn't as
scientifically advanced as Dr. Mbogo,
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133. but I guess we have no choice.
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134. This one sounds rather reliable.
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135. "AAAAA Animal Doctors.
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136. "For the pet who
has everything."
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137. Animal Doctors.
Gunderson speaking.
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138. The health of your
pet is our A-1 concern.
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139. Are you calling in reference
to a bird, dog or cat?
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140. A cat.
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141. Now, what are your
cat's symptoms?
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142. Well, he seems to
have no appetite at all.
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143. He hasn't eaten since yesterday,
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144. and then all he had
was a leg of yak,
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145. some marinated cheetah
and a souffle of aardvark.
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146. Cheetah, souffle of...
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147. Sorry, there's something
wrong with my phone.
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148. Would you repeat that, please?
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149. Yak, cheetah and a
souffle of aardvark.
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150. What did you say your cat ate?
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151. Leg of yak, some marinated
cheetah, and a souffle of aardvark.
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152. I'd better come
right over. Yeah.
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153. Dr. Gunderson.
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154. Glad you could make it, Doctor.
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155. Gomez Addams here.
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156. Nice to see you.
Mrs. Addams there.
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157. How do you do? How do you do?
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158. I do hope you
can help Kitty cat.
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159. We couldn't even tempt him
with broiled elephant hooves.
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160. Your cat likes broiled
elephant hooves?
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161. Doesn't everyone?
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162. I'm going to lead you
to the patient, Doctor,
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163. you must be very busy.
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164. Well, only in the molting
season. You know...
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165. Oh, I see the doctor
finally got here.
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166. Well, go to it, but don't
make a federal case out of it.
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167. Our family doctor
could've cured him like that,
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168. but we didn't want
to burn down the hut.
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169. We've grown
rather attached to it.
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170. Your family doctor prescribed
burning down the hut?
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171. Well, some of his
methods are a trifle extreme.
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172. Well, does your
family doctor think
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173. that maybe your cat has
something highly infectious?
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174. No. I think Dr. Mbogo
just enjoys a good fire.
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175. Some of the doctor's medical
theories may be questionable,
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176. but he is absolutely
great on curses.
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177. Curses?
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178. A specialist.
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179. This way, please.
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180. This is Kitty cat's
favorite room.
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181. He really preferred
the tree house,
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182. but there just isn't
room for both of us.
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183. He's probably in the tunnel.
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184. Perhaps this will bring him out.
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185. He loves to play circus.
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186. Kitty cat, come on
out. The doctor's here.
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187. That's Kitty cat?
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188. He's such an
obedient little darling.
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189. I think he likes you.
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190. Likes me?
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191. That's what I was afraid of.
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192. But, Doctor, don't you
want to examine him?
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193. Oh, no, I would not
like to examine him.
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194. I think the doctor wants
to be alone with him.
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195. No. No, I don't want to be.
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196. Very well. We'll stand by you.
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197. Anything we can do for you?
Yes, you can get me out of here,
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198. because I... But
Kitty cat needs you.
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199. Oh, no. You see, I don't
know anything about lions.
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200. You see, I'm really
a bird man. Honest.
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201. I flunked wild beasts twice.
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202. You're my kind of people.
I flunked everything twice.
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203. Also, I'm a coward.
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204. What's there to be afraid of?
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205. Doctor, I think we're inhibiting
you. We'll go and you stay.
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206. Oh, no. I'll go, you stay.
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207. Come on now, Doctor. I
know you can help Kitty cat.
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208. Look at those
gentle healing hands.
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209. Now, do be sweet to him.
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210. He's such a shy,
sensitive thing.
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211. Don't go. Wait a second. Doctor.
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212. Fellows.
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213. If there's anything
you want, just yell.
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214. Help!
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215. Well, he doesn't
have to yell that loud.
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216. No, Uncle Fester, let's
not indulge the doctor.
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217. Well, I agree with you, but I
don't know what you mean.
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218. Didn't it strike you as strange
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219. that a veterinarian
should be afraid
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220. of a harmless, little
animal like Kitty cat?
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221. By george, I think
he was afraid.
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222. You are a discerning one.
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223. Poor man. He needs help
much more than Kitty cat.
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224. The only sensible thing to do
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225. is to call Dr. Mbogo again.
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226. No, let's work on Dr. Gunderson.
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227. You know, build up his
ego, restore his confidence.
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228. Capital idea. How?
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229. Well, let him work on
members of the family.
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230. Make him think he's
effected miracle cures.
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231. You know, put on a little act.
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232. Clever.
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233. But unnecessary.
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234. They're getting along
just fine. Just as I thought.
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235. The doctor seems to have
everything under control.
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236. The doctor's playing dead.
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237. I think he is dead.
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238. - Am I dead?
- Certainly not.
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239. But appearances are deceiving.
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240. Look, maybe you better
get your family doctor.
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241. It may not be such a bad
idea burning down this hut.
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242. We have faith in you.
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243. Oh, no. I'm a
quack. I'm a fraud.
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244. I told you he was
our kind of people.
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245. As a matter of fact, we'd like to
have you look at another patient.
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246. Another lion? No.
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247. A Gila monster? A
man-eating shark?
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248. One of the family.
But you were close.
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249. Oh, no, no. You see, I don't
have a license to treat humans.
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250. Oh, you can treat Cousin Itt.
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251. You wanna watch that
low bridge. Yes, I have to.
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252. Here's the patient, Doctor.
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253. What is it? Good question.
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254. That's our Cousin Itt.
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255. Tell the doctor what's
troubling you, darling.
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256. That's it in a nutshell.
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257. But I didn't understand a word.
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258. He's in your hands, Doctor.
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259. Oh, no, I don't... He could...
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260. Does he bite? Certainly not.
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261. Although he does bark a bit.
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262. Are you sure you wouldn't
rather burn the place down?
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263. No, Dr. Mbogo's methods
are far too advanced.
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264. We prefer the
old-fashioned remedy.
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265. It's the same all over.
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266. That's Cousin Itt. All heart.
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267. I didn't hear anything.
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268. Oh, dear. It's
worse than I thought.
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269. I'd better take his temperature.
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270. Bull's-eye!
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271. Well, at least we know
his appetite's good.
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272. He loves thermometers.
Real sweet tooth.
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273. Please.
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274. All you have to do is spread a
little kerosene and light a match...
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275. Nonsense, Doctor,
you're doing splendidly.
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276. Cousin Itt looks better already.
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277. At least he's got
his color back.
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278. How do you feel, Cousin Itt?
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279. You see, he's a
completely new man.
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280. And anything is an improvement.
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281. You're not a doctor,
you're a miracle worker.
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282. Can I go now?
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283. Not until you look
in on Cleopatra.
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284. Cleopatra? Does she
eat thermometers, too?
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285. No, but she's a glutton
for tongue depressors.
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286. Here's your patient, Doctor.
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287. Where?
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288. Cleopatra, say hello
to the nice doctor.
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289. It's choking me.
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290. Nonsense, Doctor,
that's love at first sight.
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291. You have a wonderful
plant-side manner.
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292. Come here, Cleopatra,
darling. Come here, baby.
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293. Yes, there's Mother's baby.
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294. Let the doctor examine you.
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295. Did you ever see a more
piqued-looking African strangler?
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296. Poor thing.
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297. She's just lost all
desire to strangle.
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298. No, she hasn't. No,
she hasn't. You see?
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299. Oh, dear. Well, are you
going to examine her?
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300. Of course he will.
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301. Of course I will, yes.
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302. Well, Doctor, what is it?
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303. The plant needs watering.
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304. Why didn't I think of that?
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305. By george, that's an
excellent diagnosis.
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306. Doctor, how can
we ever repay you?
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307. By letting me out of here.
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308. Of course.
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309. As soon as you have
a look at Uncle Fester.
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310. Uncle Fester.
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311. Hurry, Doctor,
before we lose him.
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312. What seems to be the trouble?
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313. I'm sick.
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314. That's a death rattle
if I ever heard one.
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315. First thing we have to do is
get him on a comfortable bed.
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316. What could possibly be more
comfortable than the bed he's on?
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317. Excuse us a moment.
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318. Querida.
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319. Maybe he is a quack.
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320. Oh, no, darling, I
think he's just nervous.
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321. Uncle Fester is giving a
magnificent performance.
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322. Reminds me of
Edwin Booth Addams.
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323. When he made theatrical history?
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324. When he died.
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325. Oh, yes.
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326. Well, Doctor, what
have you discovered?
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327. My watch stopped.
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328. Uncle Fester does seem to
have passed the crisis, though.
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329. No, I haven't.
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330. Of course you have, Fester.
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331. The doctor has
remarkable healing power.
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332. Don't tell me, I'm the patient.
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333. It's the end.
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334. Will you excuse
us, please? Darling.
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335. Uncle Fester seems
to be overdoing it a bit.
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336. A real ham.
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337. What do we do?
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338. Maybe we ought to
let the doctor lose one.
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339. Wouldn't be a bad average.
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340. No, the doctor
might have a relapse.
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341. Good thinking.
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342. Well, Doc, the only thing
you can do now is operate.
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343. Never. Why not?
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344. Can't stand the sight of blood.
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345. Just a moment, please.
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346. The doctor's slipping
faster than Fester.
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347. Yes, we may be witnessing
medical history in the making.
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348. The first time a patient
ever loses a doctor.
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349. We've gotta make Fester
take a turn for the better. Now.
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350. How? Good question. I
wish I knew the answer.
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351. I have it.
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352. Doctor, I'm afraid you're
not the man for this case.
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353. Oh, I'm not. I'm not.
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354. Uncle Fester doesn't need a
doctor. He needs an undertaker.
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355. Wait a minute. I'm not dead yet.
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356. You will be by the
time he gets here.
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357. The undertaker
will be right here.
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358. Wait a minute!
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359. I just had a big comeback.
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360. Yes, a comeback.
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361. Congratulations, Doctor,
you've done it again.
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362. Done what? Such modesty.
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363. You've just snatched this
man from the jaws of death.
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364. I did?
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365. You're the Albert
Schweitzer of veterinarians.
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366. Doctor, how can
I ever repay you?
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367. I keep telling you, by
letting me get out of here.
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368. I know the whole world is
clamoring for your services,
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369. and you must answer that call.
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370. Right after you
have a look at Thing.
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371. Thing? Who's Thing?
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372. Not who, Doctor, but what.
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373. Thing, come out.
The doctor's here.
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374. Well, Doctor, he's in...
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375. Boy, he was in a hurry.
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376. Poor devil.
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377. Didn't even wait for his fee.
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378. Strange, strange man.
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379. Thank you for trying, Thing.
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380. Morticia, Gomez.
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381. Kitty take a turn for the worse?
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382. Oh, he's all better.
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383. By george, that
doctor is a genius.
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384. Well, Kitty wasn't even sick.
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385. Wasn't sick? But he
didn't eat a morsel of food.
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386. Well, that's because
Pugsley had already fed him.
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387. Well, it all was for the best.
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388. It was? Of course.
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389. We helped restore
the doctor's confidence.
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390. Love those duets.
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391. Such melodic
instruments, darling.
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392. Morticia, Gomez.
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393. What is it, Mama?
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394. Now Kitty cat is sick.
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395. Are you sure?
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396. She's sure.
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397. He ate that second meal we
put out for him. It was too much.
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398. Now he's got a stomachache.
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399. Oh, dear. Well, there's
only one thing to do.
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400. Call Dr. Gunderson.
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401. Exactly. Thank you.
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402. Thank you, Thing.
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403. You know, this should
be a lesson to all of us.
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404. Gluttony is...
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405. Hello, is Dr. Gunderson there,
please? Morticia Addams calling.
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406. Thank you very much.
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407. They say the doctor's
gone off to Africa.
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408. Africa?
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409. Of course. He went
to work with Dr. Mbogo.
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410. Now this, dear.
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