1. Neat.Copy !req
2. Sweet.Copy !req
3. Petite.Copy !req
4. No! No.Copy !req
5. How's the market, dear?Copy !req
6. Closed. I just do this
to keep in practice.Copy !req
7. Very sensible.Copy !req
8. If there's another crash,
you'll be ready for it.Copy !req
9. Well, I was ready for that one.Copy !req
10. Pugsley's new chemistry set.Copy !req
11. He's making a
different kind of TNT.Copy !req
12. Those educational toysCopy !req
13. certainly keep a
boy out of mischief.Copy !req
14. Wish I could say the
same for Uncle Fester.Copy !req
15. I caught him
cheating at checkers.Copy !req
16. Inexcusable!Copy !req
17. Unless he was playing for money.Copy !req
18. Well, time for my Zen-Yogi.Copy !req
19. I really had to discipline him.Copy !req
20. He's forbidden to
leave the house all day.Copy !req
21. Thank heavens.Copy !req
22. There for a moment I
thought he was going to leave.Copy !req
23. The mail's in.Copy !req
24. Thank you, Thing.Copy !req
25. Bill?Copy !req
26. It's from my sister, Ophelia.Copy !req
27. Why would she send us a bill?Copy !req
28. Darling, it's not a bill.Copy !req
29. The poor dear's in trouble,Copy !req
30. and she needs our
help desperately.Copy !req
31. What's the problem?Copy !req
32. She was too upset to say.Copy !req
33. Who could that be?Copy !req
34. It may not be a who.
It may be a what.Copy !req
35. Dreamer.Copy !req
36. Telegram.Copy !req
37. Thank you very much, Lurch.Copy !req
38. Oh, it's from Ophelia.Copy !req
39. Didn't wait very long for
an answer. What's it say?Copy !req
40. "Help."Copy !req
41. Sounds like an excited caller.Copy !req
42. Either that or the
doorbell's stuck.Copy !req
43. Miss Ophelia.Copy !req
44. Ophelia! We haven't heard
from you in nearly two minutes.Copy !req
45. Dear Ophelia!Copy !req
46. Unburden yourself,
darling. Tell us everything.Copy !req
47. Aren't you gonna tell
us about your trouble?Copy !req
48. Trouble? What trouble?Copy !req
49. Oh, that trouble.Copy !req
50. My life is ruined.Copy !req
51. Sounds kind of serious. A man?Copy !req
52. Brilliant, charming, cultured.Copy !req
53. Rich! Alive?Copy !req
54. Yes, I'm almost
sure he was alive.Copy !req
55. My mother objects.Copy !req
56. Granny Frump?
Egad, she must be sick.Copy !req
57. Why?Copy !req
58. She says if he's
in love with me,Copy !req
59. there must be
something wrong with him.Copy !req
60. That's a point.Copy !req
61. Nonsense.Copy !req
62. You're a lovely,
intelligent girl,Copy !req
63. and we're going to help you.Copy !req
64. She certainly needs help.Copy !req
65. The first thing we should
do is meet your intended.Copy !req
66. When can we see him?Copy !req
67. This is my beloved.Copy !req
68. Horatio Bartholomew,
at your service.Copy !req
69. How positively continental.Copy !req
70. Have you spent much time
in Europe, Mr. Bartholomew?Copy !req
71. All my life.Copy !req
72. Oxford, Cambridge,
University of Heidelberg.Copy !req
73. Oh, my Apollo. My Ariel!Copy !req
74. My knight in shining armor.Copy !req
75. You'll have to forgive Ophelia.Copy !req
76. She's a bit shy with men.Copy !req
77. I've searched the world over.Copy !req
78. I've never met anyone like her.Copy !req
79. I'll buy that.Copy !req
80. We want to fly away together.Copy !req
81. Roam the seven seas. Search
the far corners of the Earth.Copy !req
82. But first, we'll have
a spot of lunch.Copy !req
83. Thank you, Lurch.Copy !req
84. Magnificent lunch.Copy !req
85. I should be honored to have
your recipe for the cherries jubilee.Copy !req
86. Cherries jubilee?Copy !req
87. Oh, that was
flambeau of jellyfish.Copy !req
88. Flambeau of jellyfish?Copy !req
89. How did you two get together?Copy !req
90. Mama, please!Copy !req
91. They're not on
the witness stand.Copy !req
92. How did you two get together?Copy !req
93. It was at this wonderful
lonely hearts club luau.Copy !req
94. I looked over the suckling pig,Copy !req
95. and there she was.Copy !req
96. Well, if you have so much money,Copy !req
97. what were you doing
at a lonely hearts club?Copy !req
98. Mama, please!Copy !req
99. What were you doing
at a lonely hearts club?Copy !req
100. I was looking for a simple girl.Copy !req
101. You sure struck oil.Copy !req
102. Well, it's time for a
walk in the garden.Copy !req
103. Allow me.Copy !req
104. I just love when she does that.Copy !req
105. Come, Horatio.Copy !req
106. My love.Copy !req
107. Well, querida,
what do you think?Copy !req
108. He's charming. Rich.Copy !req
109. Attractive. Magnetic.Copy !req
110. Impossible. Exactly.Copy !req
111. Too perfect. The
man's an obvious phony.Copy !req
112. An imposter. How
shall we prove it?Copy !req
113. Simple matter.
He claims he's rich.Copy !req
114. I'll call Brad and Dunstreet,
the financial authorities.Copy !req
115. Excellent thinking, darling.Copy !req
116. One of them is bound to be in.Copy !req
117. Hello, Brad and Dunstreet?
Gomez Addams here.Copy !req
118. Try to keep a civil
tongue in your head.Copy !req
119. Just making an enquiry.Copy !req
120. What do you have on
Horatio Bartholomew?Copy !req
121. Yes, I'll wait.Copy !req
122. They're running him
through their computer.Copy !req
123. The marvels of science.Copy !req
124. They're running him
through their computer,Copy !req
125. and he's walking in our garden.Copy !req
126. All at the same time. Amazing.Copy !req
127. What?Copy !req
128. Yes.Copy !req
129. Are you sure?Copy !req
130. Thank you.Copy !req
131. Just as I thought. They never
heard of Horatio Bartholomew.Copy !req
132. Oh, my darling sister. In the
hands of a scheming adventurer.Copy !req
133. A lonely hearts club
bluebeard! Poor Ophelia.Copy !req
134. If your Cousin Itt hadn't
been such a playboy,Copy !req
135. they might be married by now.Copy !req
136. Perhaps we can have
another talk with the little roue.Copy !req
137. Roue. That's French.
I wish you'd said that.Copy !req
138. Darling, please. Let's
concentrate on Cousin Itt.Copy !req
139. What?Copy !req
140. Cousin Itt. Oh, yes, yes!Copy !req
141. Oh, Cousin Itt.Copy !req
142. At least we know he's
up there. Let me try, dear.Copy !req
143. Careful of the soot.Copy !req
144. Okay, dear.Copy !req
145. Cousin Itt!Copy !req
146. Would you come down, please?Copy !req
147. We'd like to have
a little chat with you.Copy !req
148. Itt, you come down
here this minute!Copy !req
149. Well, now we know another thing.Copy !req
150. The chimney needs cleaning.Copy !req
151. Cousin Itt!Copy !req
152. If you don't come down
I'm going to be very hurt.Copy !req
153. I scared you down, didn't I?Copy !req
154. Cousin Itt, you know
how fond we are of you.Copy !req
155. Thank you. You do
put things so nicely.Copy !req
156. Itt, we think you are
perfect husband material.Copy !req
157. Suave, sophisticated, cultured.Copy !req
158. Yes, and loaded, too.Copy !req
159. Now, with women throwing
themselves at you all the time,Copy !req
160. of course you've probably
become a bit jaded.Copy !req
161. That's true.Copy !req
162. If a person is going to become
jaded, that is the best way.Copy !req
163. But we think it's time that
you settle down, got married.Copy !req
164. Itt, are you still with us?Copy !req
165. Good. We have the
perfect mate for you.Copy !req
166. My darling sister, Ophelia.Copy !req
167. Bachelors. Always
playing hard to get.Copy !req
168. I didn't realize your
sister was such a swinger.Copy !req
169. Faster!Copy !req
170. Faster!Copy !req
171. Faster!Copy !req
172. Ophelia, where are you?Copy !req
173. Horatio.Copy !req
174. What have you
done with the swing?Copy !req
175. I've got it right here, dear.Copy !req
176. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
177. Don't worry,
dear. I'll catch you.Copy !req
178. That was fun.Copy !req
179. I just love it when
you do things like that.Copy !req
180. I must save my
poor deluded sisterCopy !req
181. from the clutches of that beast.Copy !req
182. Right. She's deluded
enough without him.Copy !req
183. But I love Horatio.Copy !req
184. The man's a bounder and a cad.Copy !req
185. And not a very nice one.Copy !req
186. He's the only one that loves me.Copy !req
187. I know he loves me.Copy !req
188. The daisies told me so.Copy !req
189. Ophelia.Copy !req
190. Are you going to listen
to the daisies or to Mama?Copy !req
191. What do you see?Copy !req
192. I see a man with a Heidelberg
scar and a bushy mustache.Copy !req
193. That's the blackguard.Copy !req
194. Mama, tell Ophelia
the truth about this man.Copy !req
195. He's loaded, elegant
and unattached.Copy !req
196. And if you ask me, he'd make
Ophelia a perfect husband.Copy !req
197. Mama, either
you're out of practiceCopy !req
198. or that ball needs repairing.Copy !req
199. That scoundrel must
have tampered with it.Copy !req
200. Very well then. Get
your own crystal ball.Copy !req
201. The cleverness of the fiend.Copy !req
202. Even fooling Mama.Copy !req
203. Oh, shame, shame.Copy !req
204. To pillory that poor manCopy !req
205. with your outrageous
slings and arrows.Copy !req
206. Oh, Horatio, my
love. I'm coming.Copy !req
207. You're going the
wrong way, dear.Copy !req
208. He's upstairs in
Uncle Fester's room.Copy !req
209. Flying to her destruction
like a moth to a flame.Copy !req
210. What do we do?Copy !req
211. Blow out the flame.Copy !req
212. This is fun.Copy !req
213. Ophelia.Copy !req
214. Locking yourself up this wayCopy !req
215. isn't going to
solve the problem.Copy !req
216. I'm going to stay
in here until I perish.Copy !req
217. But, darling, what good
would you be to Horatio dead?Copy !req
218. Interesting point.Copy !req
219. Ophelia, the man is not only a
scoundrel, he doesn't even have a job.Copy !req
220. But, darling, you
don't have a job, either.Copy !req
221. Exactly, one playboy
in the family is enough.Copy !req
222. Besides, he's a liar,Copy !req
223. claims to have
been at Heidelberg.Copy !req
224. Should be easy
enough to disprove that.Copy !req
225. Well, of course.Copy !req
226. We'll simply call the
Heidelberg Dean of Men.Copy !req
227. Not necessary!Copy !req
228. All Heidelbergers
are expert swordsmen.Copy !req
229. I'll just get down the sabersCopy !req
230. and test this blowhard.Copy !req
231. Hope you don't mind a friendly
exchange of steel, Bartholomew.Copy !req
232. Oh, not at all. You'll
forgive me if I'm a bit rusty.Copy !req
233. Rusty, eh?Copy !req
234. You beginning to
get the drift, Ophelia?Copy !req
235. All right, choose your weapons.Copy !req
236. Now, the moment Lurch drops
his handkerchief, we begin.Copy !req
237. Just a minute, old boy.Copy !req
238. Let's wait till the
handkerchief hits the floor.Copy !req
239. Sorry. Whenever you're ready.Copy !req
240. Bravo, Gomez.
Wonderful evasive action.Copy !req
241. Now all I have to do
is evade the furniture.Copy !req
242. Allow me.Copy !req
243. None of your
trickery here, old man.Copy !req
244. Sorry, Bruno.Copy !req
245. Would you like to wrestle?Copy !req
246. You were magnificent, dear.Copy !req
247. Where did the coward go?Copy !req
248. Upstairs, to wash the
blood off his hands.Copy !req
249. Blood on his hands, eh?Copy !req
250. Your blood.Copy !req
251. Now will you help Horatio
and me plot our troth?Copy !req
252. Really, Ophelia. Would you
marry a penniless imposter?Copy !req
253. Penniless. Horatio?Copy !req
254. You'll soon laugh on the
other side of your daisies.Copy !req
255. Are we going to call
Brad and Dunstreet again?Copy !req
256. There are other ways
to unmask a braggart.Copy !req
257. Braggart, come down
here and bring some money.Copy !req
258. Darling,Copy !req
259. don't you think you'd
better let Mr. BartholomewCopy !req
260. cut the cards?Copy !req
261. Too risky.Copy !req
262. Excuse me, it's time
to feed Cleopatra.Copy !req
263. Honor of the game, Bartholomew.Copy !req
264. Horatio, pick a daisy for luck.Copy !req
265. That one must have
taken root. Try another.Copy !req
266. My love.Copy !req
267. Well, what about $200,Copy !req
268. just for openers?Copy !req
269. I should go out.Copy !req
270. Nothing like hard
cash on the lineCopy !req
271. to weed out the ribbon clerks.Copy !req
272. However, just for sociability,Copy !req
273. I'll see your $200
and raise you $200.Copy !req
274. Aha! Just as I thought. Phony.Copy !req
275. That bill is yours.Copy !req
276. Strange.Copy !req
277. Uncle Fester's
picture is on there.Copy !req
278. I told him to keep his Monopoly
money out of this drawer.Copy !req
279. All right! Here's that $200,Copy !req
280. your $200, and $500 more.Copy !req
281. Raise him back,
Horatio. Raise him back.Copy !req
282. If it will amuse you, dear.Copy !req
283. Your $500, and
I'll raise you $500.Copy !req
284. That is if you'll
accept a check.Copy !req
285. I knew we'd get
to the check ploy.Copy !req
286. We're playing for cash,
Bartholomew, not paper.Copy !req
287. Very well, then.
I'll raise you $100.Copy !req
288. All right, ribbon clerk.
What do you have?Copy !req
289. A pair of deuces.Copy !req
290. Deuces?Copy !req
291. That's good. I thought
you were bluffing.Copy !req
292. Still, he isn't
exactly penniless.Copy !req
293. So he carried a few extra
kopecks around in his pocket.Copy !req
294. Tactic number one in the
fortune-seekers' manual.Copy !req
295. Darling, you know so
much about the world.Copy !req
296. I've lived in it all my life.Copy !req
297. Still, it grieves me to see
that sweet, charming creatureCopy !req
298. in the clutches of that
abominable monster.Copy !req
299. Gomez!Copy !req
300. Dear Horatio decided he didn't
want the money he won from you.Copy !req
301. Maybe we misjudged the monster.Copy !req
302. He gave it all away.Copy !req
303. Blackguard.Copy !req
304. Probably leave you for the first
pretty ankle that comes along.Copy !req
305. Fiddle-dee-dee. Prove it.Copy !req
306. Gomez can't, but I can.Copy !req
307. Morticia!Copy !req
308. Don't worry, darling.Copy !req
309. I'll lead him to the brink
and stop him at the gate.Copy !req
310. It'll do you no
good. I'm the blonde.Copy !req
311. And I'm more fun. Yes, I am.Copy !req
312. Did you want to see
me about something?Copy !req
313. Not something. Us.Copy !req
314. Gomez and Ophelia have gone out.Copy !req
315. We're all alone. Just
the two of us, together.Copy !req
316. Care to play checkers?Copy !req
317. Oh, what a tight leash you
have on your passions, dear.Copy !req
318. Come, sit beside me.Copy !req
319. If he lays a hand
on her, I'll kill him.Copy !req
320. And give him a
piece of my mind, too.Copy !req
321. Wouldn't you be more
comfortable here?Copy !req
322. I'm quite all right here.Copy !req
323. That's better.Copy !req
324. When you first
entered this house,Copy !req
325. you must have
felt the vibrations.Copy !req
326. True, I have.Copy !req
327. But it's an old house. It's
bound to have a few vibrations.Copy !req
328. Horatio, why do you resist me?Copy !req
329. Because I'm in
love with your sister.Copy !req
330. Excuses, excuses. Take me.Copy !req
331. Take you where?Copy !req
332. I knew you couldn't resist me.Copy !req
333. Mrs. Addams, you're
beautiful, charming,Copy !req
334. cultured, talented,
intelligent, witty, richCopy !req
335. and completely feminine.Copy !req
336. You're just not my type.Copy !req
337. Not your type? How
dare you insult my wife.Copy !req
338. So you've been watching!Copy !req
339. This entire day has been
nothing but a silly test.Copy !req
340. I love you for what you are.Copy !req
341. Whatever that is.Copy !req
342. And I love you for what you are.Copy !req
343. Whatever that is.Copy !req
344. Thank you, Thing.Copy !req
345. Hello. Morticia Addams speaking.Copy !req
346. Oh, yes. Just a moment.Copy !req
347. Gomez, dear.Copy !req
348. It's Brad and Dunstreet calling
back about Mr. Bartholomew.Copy !req
349. Hello, Mr. Dunstreet.Copy !req
350. Sorry. Hello, Mr. Brad.Copy !req
351. Really?Copy !req
352. Yes, I see.Copy !req
353. Yes, that is interesting.Copy !req
354. Thank you.Copy !req
355. Nailed him as a
draft dodger, too, eh?Copy !req
356. Seems there's
been a slight mistake.Copy !req
357. They were checking out
a Mr. Henry Bartholomew.Copy !req
358. Who's he?Copy !req
359. A fraud, a forger,
and a draft dodger.Copy !req
360. Henry Bartholomew is definitely
out. What about Horatio?Copy !req
361. Well, he's not the
richest man in the world.Copy !req
362. He's the second
richest man in the world.Copy !req
363. We'll apologize
to him forthwith.Copy !req
364. Mr. Bartholomew, I'm afraid
we owe you an apology.Copy !req
365. Yes, indeed,
Bartholomew, old man.Copy !req
366. We've misjudged you.Copy !req
367. Oh, well!Copy !req
368. You're not only
acceptable to this family,Copy !req
369. I'm going to see to it that
you're a full-fledged memberCopy !req
370. of the Zen-Yogi society.Copy !req
371. Zen-Yogi?Copy !req
372. The only true way
to inner peace.Copy !req
373. Ridiculous. Ridiculous?Copy !req
374. Some of the men in our
family, the Frump family,Copy !req
375. have found inner peace
swinging from a chandelier.Copy !req
376. Absurd. Absurd?Copy !req
377. Perhaps you'd prefer a
simple romp in the swamp.Copy !req
378. Nonsense. Nonsense?Copy !req
379. But, Horatio, a man who
doesn't like to stand on his headCopy !req
380. or swing from a chandelierCopy !req
381. or have a simple
romp in the swampCopy !req
382. is maladjusted.Copy !req
383. Lucky me.Copy !req
384. Lucky me, for
finding out in time.Copy !req
385. Ophelia, he's the second
richest man in the world.Copy !req
386. My mother taught me never
to settle for second best.Copy !req
387. A true Frump.Copy !req
388. It will take a long time
for my wounds to heal.Copy !req
389. But I'll get over it.Copy !req
390. You mean it? You really
want to marry Ophelia?Copy !req
391. You dear, sweet,
lovable creature.Copy !req
392. That Ophelia. A one-man woman.Copy !req
393. Darling,Copy !req
394. are you sure you know
how to saw a woman in half?Copy !req
395. Positive. It's putting
her together againCopy !req
396. I'm not sure of.Copy !req
397. Mail's in.Copy !req
398. Thank you, Thing.Copy !req
399. Oh, it's from Ophelia.Copy !req
400. Oh, she says she and
Itt had a lovers' quarrel,Copy !req
401. and the engagement is off.Copy !req
402. But she's found a new love.Copy !req
403. I like a girl who can
bounce back. What's he like?Copy !req
404. Well, she says he's not only
rich, charming and handsome,Copy !req
405. but he also claims
to be Napoleon.Copy !req
406. Napoleon?Copy !req
407. Sounds like the perfect match.Copy !req