1. Neat.
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2. Sweet.
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3. Petite.
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4. Toro! Toro!
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5. Tish! That sets my
Spanish blood aflame.
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6. Bubele, please.
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7. Bubele. That sets the
rest of my blood aflame.
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8. One, two, fat go away.
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9. Three, four, muscles stay.
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10. Pugsley, darling,
what are you doing?
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11. Exercising. She called me fatso.
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12. She?
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13. My girl, Marie.
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14. She said she wasn't going
to go with me anymore
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15. unless I got some muscles.
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16. Muscles? Oh, how vulgar.
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17. Morticia, Gomez.
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18. Hey, Morticia, Gomez.
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19. What do you know, I just got a
letter from my French pen pal, Yvette.
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20. And she says... Uncle Fester.
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21. Please, dear, not now. Later.
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22. We have a little problem.
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23. We caught the boy exercising.
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24. Well, what's wrong with that?
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25. Girls like guys with V-figures.
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26. The only trouble is,
mine's upside-down.
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27. Now, Pugsley, dear,
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28. a man's charm comes
from inner strength.
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29. Not from outer bulges.
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30. Look at your father,
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31. did you ever see
a better example
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32. of inner strength?
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33. And the whole thing
without a single push-up,
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34. pull-up, sit-up, sweat-up.
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35. The entire thing accomplished
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36. through the sheer
glory of Zen-Yogi.
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37. Zen-Yogi has made your
father what he is today.
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38. That plus the sheer
beauty of his soul.
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39. Querida.
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40. Darling.
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41. Let's have no more
talk of biceps and triceps.
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42. If you want to be a
really attractive man,
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43. do as your father does.
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44. Okay, Mother, I'll try.
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45. Darling.
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46. Oh, just look at him.
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47. Gaining inner strength.
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48. Inner strength and a flat head.
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49. Fester, don't knock anything
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50. until you've really tried it.
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51. How true, darling.
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52. Now, Uncle Fester,
your letter from Yvette.
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53. Oh, forget it.
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54. Gomez, darling, did
you hear something?
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55. Just a thump.
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56. Seems to be coming
from Fester's room.
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57. I wonder what he's up to.
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58. He'll be coming through
the ceiling in a minute,
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59. we can ask him.
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60. I have a better idea.
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61. You rang?
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62. Yes, Lurch.
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63. Would you go upstairs
and check on Uncle Fester?
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64. There seems to be a lot of
thumping going on up there.
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65. Yes, Mrs. Addams.
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66. You thumped.
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67. Oh, Lurch.
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68. I'm in terrible shape.
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69. So I see.
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70. Remember my
French pen pal, Yvette?
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71. Folies-Bergere.
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72. She's coming here to visit me.
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73. Oh, c'est si bon.
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74. You can say that again.
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75. She thinks that I'm 6'3"
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76. and built like Cary Grant.
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77. Well, it's not that bad.
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78. I've got a couple of
days to get in shape.
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79. But Zen-Yogi isn't gonna do it.
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80. Corset?
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81. Corset! 'Course not.
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82. No.
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83. I'm gonna go on a crash program
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84. of diet and exercise,
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85. but secret.
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86. Secret? Yeah.
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87. You know how Gomez and
Morticia feel about exercise.
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88. They think it's silly.
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89. I'll have to do it
early in the morning.
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90. Hey, I'll do it with
that guy on TV,
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91. Jack La Lanne.
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92. The muscle man.
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93. He's on at 6:50 in the morning.
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94. What are you moaning about?
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95. I'm the one that's gotta get up
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96. and do it!
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97. One, two, three, four.
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98. One, two, three, four.
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99. Come on, ladies, hit it.
One, two, three, four. One...
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100. Tummies in.
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101. Shoulders back, squat.
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102. Hit it. One, two, three, four.
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103. One, two, three, four.
Come on, one, two,
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104. three, four... What is he doing?
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105. He's either dancing
to The Late Late Show
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106. or exercising to The
Early Early Show.
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107. One, two, three, four.
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108. Hi.
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109. Isn't that Jack La Lanne,
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110. the physical culture fellow?
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111. Never heard of him.
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112. Gomez.
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113. That television set goes
back to the junk man.
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114. Good thinking.
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115. Psst.
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116. Hey.
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117. I can't get you on TV anymore,
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118. so I decided on a
personal approach.
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119. I need help.
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120. You know, you said it was an
emergency and it certainly is.
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121. You know, I've seen
people let themselves go.
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122. But you're almost gone.
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123. Touche!
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124. Morticia.
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125. Isn't that that television
fellow with Uncle Fester?
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126. I do believe it is.
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127. That's odd having him here.
Fester's up to something.
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128. Darling, have you ever known Uncle
Fester to be sneaky and underhanded?
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129. Only when he was
up to something shady.
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130. Say, what do you generally eat?
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131. Oh, the usual thing.
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132. Eye of newt.
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133. Puree of aardvark.
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134. Roast yak.
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135. You know, they say
we're what we eat.
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136. And, mister, you really are.
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137. Look, it's all in this booklet.
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138. This is the astronaut's guide.
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139. And whatever it calls for
in here goes double for you.
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140. Roger.
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141. Four, three, two,
one. Blast off.
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142. Boy, this exercise
makes you thirsty.
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143. Turn it off!
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144. Well, now.
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145. Ah-ha!
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146. A little punching the bag.
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147. Well, I've stopped
punching the bag.
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148. Now, what's the next
exercise in that astronaut book
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149. that La Lanne gave me?
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150. Deep knee-bends.
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151. Deep knee-bends.
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152. All right, you count.
We'll start with about 50.
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153. One.
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154. Down.
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155. More.
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156. I got down all right.
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157. You've got to get me up.
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158. Oh, boy.
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159. Listen to those muscles expand.
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160. Well.
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161. That's enough deep knee-bends.
What's the next exercise?
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162. Chest pulley.
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163. That will be a snap.
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164. Thank you.
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165. Must be stuck.
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166. Yeah. I think I got
the hang of it now.
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167. Sure.
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168. Well, don't just
stand there, help me.
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169. Now I got the idea.
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170. Let me have it.
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171. My, he was in a hurry.
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172. Lurch, we know we
can count on you.
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173. What's troubling Fester?
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174. I think he's trying
to tell us something.
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175. Is he in trouble?
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176. He's beginning to weaken.
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177. Is it a money matter?
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178. An emotional disturbance?
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179. A health problem?
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180. We're getting warm.
A health problem.
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181. Darling, you're right.
Uncle Fester's ill.
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182. Of course, that's it.
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183. It's written all over his face.
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184. Just had to keep probing.
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185. Thank you, Lurch. Thank
you for being so helpful.
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186. Uncle Fester,
what are you doing?
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187. Relaxing.
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188. Fester, old boy. Your
problem is solved.
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189. It is?
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190. Yes, we're going to have a
doctor here for you in an hour.
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191. This is the Addams house? Yep.
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192. You're going in there?
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193. Good luck, Charlie.
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194. I'm Doctor Motley.
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195. Follow me.
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196. Doctor Motley.
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197. Just a moment, Doctor,
where are you going?
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198. I am going to nail
up a quarantine sign.
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199. I can tell just by
looking at you,
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200. there's an epidemic
in this house.
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201. Really, Doctor, there's
no need for hysterics.
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202. Only one of us is sick.
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203. Which one?
Uncle Fester, of course.
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204. Just hasn't been himself.
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205. Oh, I'm not sick.
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206. I just had a complete
physical examination.
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207. Blood pressure, perfect.
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208. Pulse, perfect.
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209. Reaction time, perfect.
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210. Liver, so-so.
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211. So-so?
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212. Well, you can't win them all.
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213. Who performed this examination?
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214. I did. It may not be perfect,
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215. but it saves a lot of time.
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216. Fester, where are you going?
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217. Up to my room to
sharpen my scalpel.
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218. Your scalpel? Yes.
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219. If my liver count
keeps dropping,
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220. I may have to operate.
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221. Uncle Fester.
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222. As long as Doctor
Motley is here,
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223. how about an examination?
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224. Oh.
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225. Need the practice, hey, Doc?
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226. If it weren't for my
Hippocratic oath,
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227. I'd turn in my satchel.
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228. You see anything, Doctor?
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229. Yes, I see a face
with pince-nez glasses.
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230. Fester's head?
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231. Either in or...
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232. Let's try it from another angle.
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233. Do you still see
that face, Doctor?
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234. No, now I see a moose's head.
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235. By george, Fester always
did like to keep an open mind.
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236. You know what I think?
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237. Don't tell me you think
he has holes in his head.
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238. I think you all have
holes in your head.
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239. And that includes me.
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240. Poor fellow.
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241. Those long internships
do take their toll.
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242. Poor Uncle Fester.
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243. How a man can go to pieces
right before your very eyes.
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244. Not only did he pass up lunch
and dinner, but look at him.
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245. Staring at the full moon
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246. and doing deep knee-bends.
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247. Oh, dear, he is sick.
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248. Usually when the moon
is full, he howls at it.
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249. Darling.
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250. You don't suppose his
problem could be mental.
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251. Possible.
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252. Greater minds than his
have been known to crack.
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253. Remember Cousin Slump?
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254. Yes.
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255. One moment, a
brilliant nuclear physicist.
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256. The next, he was running
around Los Alamos
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257. in a three-cornered
hat and a powered wig.
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258. Dear.
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259. Darling, perhaps I
should call a psychiatrist?
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260. Querida, after our
experience with Dr. Motley?
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261. You're right.
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262. I'll handle this myself.
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263. Do you remember how much I
helped you with your sleepwalking?
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264. You mean to analyze him?
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265. We must reach his subconscious.
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266. Be lucky to reach his conscious.
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267. Darling, we have
to try and help him.
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268. But how?
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269. There are ways.
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270. Now, Uncle Fester.
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271. I want you to concentrate.
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272. Concentrate.
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273. Concentrate.
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274. Morticia, you're just
wasting your time.
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275. The only one that
can hypnotize me
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276. is me. Now, watch.
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277. Sleep.
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278. Certainly doesn't waste
time on preliminaries.
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279. Yes, but I think we ought
to make sure he's really out.
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280. Test his reflexes.
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281. Reflexes? Yeah. With
a hammer, you know.
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282. Oh! Oh, of course.
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283. By george, he's really under.
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284. Now, Uncle Fester.
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285. I want you to
listen very carefully.
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286. First question.
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287. You've been up to
something lately, haven't you?
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288. Yes.
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289. Would you care to
tell us about it? No.
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290. Uncle Fester. Tell us.
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291. What's going through
your poor tortured mind
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292. at this very moment?
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293. Four, three, two, one.
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294. Blast off!
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295. So that's it.
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296. What's it?
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297. We know now why Uncle
Fester has been doing
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298. all this ridiculous exercising
and dieting. We do?
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299. Of course. He wants
to become an astronaut.
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300. That's wonderful, the
first Addams in space.
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301. A proud moment, isn't it?
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302. No, it isn't. We
can't let him go.
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303. Why not? He's DC.
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304. District of Columbia?
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305. Direct current.
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306. Put DC Fester
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307. in the AC space capsule, and...
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308. Nothing left of Fester
but a plump asteroid.
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309. How courageous.
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310. Willing to blow
himself for science.
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311. A true Addams.
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312. He'd set the space
program back 20 years.
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313. We must save him
from his brave folly.
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314. But first we better
wake him up. Oh, yes.
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315. Uncle Fester?
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316. Uncle Fester.
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317. Oh, what we do now?
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318. You're gonna hit him with
that? Most certainly not, dear.
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319. Oh, how horrible.
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320. I dreamed I was swimming
the English Channel
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321. and halfway across I sank.
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322. No use trying to conceal it.
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323. I need more exercises.
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324. Hello, Houston?
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325. This is Morticia Addams
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326. and I'd like to speak to the
head of your astronaut program.
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327. He's asleep?
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328. Well, wake him, wake him.
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329. This is a citizen calling.
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330. If he could see you
in all your loveliness,
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331. he'd pop out of bed in a minute.
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332. Hello? Hello, General.
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333. This is Morticia Addams.
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334. Now, I don't
mean to be critical,
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335. but I do think you're going a
bit far in drafting Uncle Fester
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336. for your next Gemini shot.
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337. Well, not that he isn't
willing to go, of course.
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338. But we do feel...
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339. Yes.
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340. Yes, I do know you have a
moon shot in the morning.
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341. But that's no reason to lure
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342. plump, happy earthlings
like Uncle Fester away.
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343. Now, now, now. General.
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344. That kind of language
will not solve any problem.
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345. I...
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346. General?
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347. What did he say?
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348. I think the phone went dead.
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349. Morticia.
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350. Look.
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351. Good heavens!
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352. The General's language must
have burned up the phone wires.
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353. Things have come
to a pretty pass
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354. when a man can't have any
privacy in his own steam cabinet.
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355. Uncle Fester, you can stop
this ridiculous exercising.
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356. You've been released
from the astronaut program.
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357. What astronaut program?
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358. Ours, of course.
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359. Unless you sold
out to the Russians.
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360. Boy, are you off-base.
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361. I'm doing this for
my pen pal, Yvette.
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362. Exercising for a pen pal?
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363. Sure.
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364. She's from the Folies-Bergere.
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365. And she's gonna come
over here and visit me.
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366. And when she gets here, I'm
gonna be real trim and sexy.
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367. Miss Yvette.
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368. Already? Oh, she
can't see me like this.
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369. Nonsense.
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370. Fester, old man, you have to
go upstairs and face the music.
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371. Oh, not with this body.
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372. Perhaps she'll love
you for your soul.
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373. Well, that's even fatter.
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374. Come on.
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375. Lurch. Where's our
visitor from overseas?
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376. In the conservatory.
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377. Oh, please show her in.
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378. Yes, Mrs. Addams.
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379. You know, Morticia,
when she sees me,
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380. a great postal romance is
going right down the drain.
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381. Brace up, Uncle Fester.
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382. She'll love you
for what you are.
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383. All of it.
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384. Yvette?
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385. Of course, cheri, and
you must be Fester.
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386. What an interesting couple.
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387. They're almost an
interesting quartet.
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388. But I thought you were
with the Folies-Bergere.
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389. I am, I take care
of the costumes.
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390. Oh, no wonder she's
putting on weight.
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391. If she takes care of the
costumes at the Folies-Bergere,
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392. she doesn't have much to do.
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393. In your letter to me,
you said to go on a diet.
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394. Of course, cheri.
Copy !req
395. But to gain weight,
not to lose it.
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396. You are nothing
but skin and bones.
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397. Not my type at all.
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398. C'est la vie.
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399. Yvette, you spoke French!
Copy !req
400. Of course, cheri.
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401. What do you expect from
a French girl, Hungarian?
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402. That's an interesting point.
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403. Well, I must hurry,
my cab is waiting.
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404. Keep writing, cheri.
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405. Well, if you can't believe
in the Folies-Bergere,
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406. what's left for a fella?
Copy !req
407. Well, one good thing, Fester,
Copy !req
408. now you can stop all that
ridiculous exercise and dieting.
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409. Take my advice. Put
your money on Zen-Yogi.
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410. Hey! I did it.
Copy !req
411. Well, how handsome
you both look.
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412. As Grandpa Squint Addams
used to say about Cousin Blob,
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413. two heads are better than one.
Copy !req
414. That junk man, really a gem,
Copy !req
415. offering me money
to take the set back.
Copy !req
416. I'm glad it's back.
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417. These moon shots
are so exciting.
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418. Yes.
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419. They do stir up
the old corpuscles.
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420. Darling, that missile.
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421. Why is its tail wagging?
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422. Oh, I hate to tell
you this, querida,
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423. but you've tuned
in on Rin Tin Tin.
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424. There. That's it.
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425. Fester, is anything wrong?
Copy !req
426. Need a little
recharging, that's all.
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427. What's going on?
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428. You're just in time
for the moon shot.
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429. Oh, that.
Copy !req
430. I went through that
whole astronaut booklet
Copy !req
431. from cover to cover.
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432. I could have gone up in that
rocket. I even volunteered to.
Copy !req
433. But it's not what you
know, it's who you know.
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434. I think they're getting
ready for the countdown.
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435. Five. Four. Three.
Five. Four. Three.
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436. Two. One... Two. One. Blast off.
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437. That's the Addams determination.
Copy !req
438. If I know Fester,
he'll catch up.
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