1. Neat.
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2. Sweet.
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3. Petite.
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4. Oh, don't stop,
please, it's so soothing.
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5. Darling, I've almost
worn out the drill.
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6. Sharpen it up. Sharpen it up.
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7. Now, dear, too much
of a good thing...
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8. Querida, please, you
were just hitting a nerve.
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9. Okay, now, just one more time.
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10. I'm sorry to spoil your fun,
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11. but something's
wrong with Pugsley.
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12. He hasn't spoken a word since
he came home from school.
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13. Maybe he can't think
of anything to say.
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14. He's just lying there on his bed
of nails, staring up at the ceiling.
Copy !req
15. Perhaps the poor little
tyke is all tuckered out.
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16. But he hasn't eaten anything.
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17. Pugsley, not eaten?
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18. No!
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19. The poor dear looks miserable.
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20. Well, he never
was too attractive.
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21. Pugsley, darling, tell
your mother what's wrong.
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22. Would you rather
tell your father?
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23. Or your uncle?
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24. Oh, dear. What do we do
now? We've run out of relatives.
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25. I'm in love.
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26. Pugsley in love.
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27. Oh, my baby's growing up.
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28. Don't worry, my dear.
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29. Little Casanova is a
chip off the old block.
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30. I'll never forget
my first crush.
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31. She was a ravishing
creature of eight.
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32. But it didn't work out.
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33. First time I kissed
her, we locked braces.
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34. Took the dentist two
hours to pry us apart.
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35. Good shot, querida.
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36. It's depressing to
see Pugsley so sad.
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37. Ruining my game.
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38. See what I mean?
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39. I simply can't get Pugsley's
problem off my mind.
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40. Sad.
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41. Gomez, please,
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42. have you forgotten completely
about poor little Pugsley?
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43. We must do something
to cheer that boy up.
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44. How about a new toy?
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45. Splendid idea, my
dear. I'll take care of it.
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46. You do that, darling.
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47. You're so sensible
and practical.
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48. Show me the boy
who wouldn't like this.
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49. It's beautiful,
darling. What is it?
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50. What is it? Look.
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51. Marvelous!
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52. Not only... constructive,
but... body-building.
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53. What?
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54. Not only...
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55. Not only constructive,
but body-building.
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56. Darling, I might have known
you'd get a practical gift like this.
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57. May I try?
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58. Oh! This is marvelous.
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59. Pugsley will have
a wonderful time.
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60. Time?
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61. 7:45.
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62. What's going on here?
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63. The new toy for Pugsley.
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64. What?
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65. Pugsley's new toy.
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66. Will you shut that thing off?
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67. New toy for Pugsley.
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68. Oh, that's ridiculous.
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69. Why? Why? Why?
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70. He's got one already.
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71. Oh.
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72. Well, in that case, I'll have
a nice talk with the boy.
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73. That's a good idea.
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74. Hey, this thing is contagious.
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75. I'll return this thing.
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76. No, I'll take it.
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77. Boy, this thing really works!
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78. What's the matter,
darling, can't you sleep?
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79. I know, how about if I
read you a nice ghost story?
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80. I don't feel like a
bedtime story tonight.
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81. Oh? All right, darling,
try to get some rest.
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82. Good night.
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83. Pugsley, what on
earth are you doing?
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84. I'm writing a letter.
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85. A letter?
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86. Scented?
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87. Licorice, my favorite.
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88. "And the way you squint your
little beady eyes is real keen."
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89. Pugsley darling, that's no
way to write a love letter.
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90. Why? What should I say?
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91. Oh, I do wish I had
some of the letters
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92. your father wrote me
when we were courting.
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93. Why, thank you, Thing.
That's very thoughtful.
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94. Now, your father wrote
some very fiery letters.
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95. Here's one.
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96. That was a little too fiery.
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97. Let's see.
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98. No, I don't think so.
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99. Perhaps you better write some
letters in your own way, dear.
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100. Now, kiss Mother and run to bed.
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101. It's very late.
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102. Good night, darling.
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103. Oh, boy!
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104. Dear Teacher...
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105. "Dear Teacher, this is..."
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106. One of your students
wrote this letter?
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107. I've always considered the
Addams boy a little strange,
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108. but this letter...
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109. I decided it was a
matter for the principal.
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110. What's he doing
in the fourth grade?
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111. There's no signature?
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112. How do you know the
Addams boy wrote it?
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113. I saw him sneak it on my desk.
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114. Well, you had better see Romeo's
folks about this immediately.
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115. I was hoping you'd come
with me, Mr. Jennings.
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116. You're so diplomatic,
assured, poised,
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117. masculine.
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118. True, true.
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119. And I am so bumbling,
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120. helpless,
ineffective... True, true.
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121. Feminine.
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122. Come, Miss Dunbar.
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123. You'll have to
handle this yourself.
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124. And please, Miss Dunbar, try
not to make a fool of yourself.
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125. Yes, Mr. Jennings.
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126. That kid should be
writing Peyton Place.
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127. Ole!
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128. Ole!
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129. Ole!
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130. Ole!
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131. Wonderful sport, Lurch.
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132. It has its ups and downs.
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133. Just like life and love.
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134. That reminds me,
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135. how is Pugsley?
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136. Normal.
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137. Already forgotten his teacher.
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138. That's my Pugsley.
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139. Love them and leave them.
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140. Yes, Mr. Addams.
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141. Bring me a ladder, Lurch.
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142. Better answer
the doorbell first.
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143. Yes, Mr. Addams.
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144. Pugsley's teacher.
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145. Ahoy, Miss Dunbar!
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146. There you are.
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147. Yes.
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148. You know me?
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149. Of course. Don't you remember
that enchanted evening
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150. across the crowded PTA meeting?
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151. Never mind the ladder, Lurch.
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152. Alley-oop.
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153. How do you do?
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154. Lurch, you can take the
trampoline to your room.
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155. Yes, Mr. Addams.
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156. Tea, coffee, champagne?
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157. Please, this is
not a social visit.
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158. I have a...
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159. Well, there's a letter
I must read to you.
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160. Well, sit right down.
Make yourself comfortable.
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161. Read away.
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162. Some of this is embarrassing.
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163. Really? My favorite reading.
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164. Very embarrassing.
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165. Well, then read
the parts that aren't.
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166. There was one sentence.
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167. "When I first saw you from afar,
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168. "my heart flamed
with a fierce passion,
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169. "and when you spoke French,
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170. "ooh-la-la! Ah,
your radiant beauty,
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171. "your captivating allure..."
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172. "your captivating allure,
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173. "drew me to you like
honey to a suckle."
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174. Honey to a suckle?
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175. Then you wrote this?
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176. I certainly did.
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177. Oh, Mr. Addams! I
don't know what to say.
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178. I've never had an attractive man
like you fall in love with me before.
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179. What?
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180. In fact, I've never had any
man fall in love with me before.
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181. That's why I...
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182. Mr. Addams, do you think
we dare go through with this?
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183. Maybe we should
stop before it's too late.
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184. Yes, we must end it.
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185. It's madness.
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186. Let it be madness!
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187. What does it matter as
long as we have each other?
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188. Mr...
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189. We have a guest, my dear.
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190. I'll have Lurch set an
extra place for dinner.
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191. I think I'd better
explain this to my wife.
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192. I think you better.
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193. So you see, querida,
it wasn't my fault.
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194. Besides, she squeezes
harder than that boa constrictor
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195. I got you for
your last birthday.
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196. I can sympathize with her.
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197. I know how irresistible you are.
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198. I guess I'll have to tell her
she's making a mistake.
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199. Darling, you can't do that.
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200. I can't?
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201. Well, of course not. It
would crush her, darling.
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202. Two rejections in one day.
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203. Two?
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204. First Pugsley, and then you.
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205. Cara, you're such an
understanding woman.
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206. It would be cruel to hurt her.
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207. You must act the
part of a great lover.
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208. But if I lead her on, she'll have
to know the truth eventually.
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209. "'Tis better to
have loved and lost
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210. "than never to
have loved at all."
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211. Lincoln? Jefferson.
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212. I'll even play the jealous wife,
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213. give it a touch of realism.
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214. Morticia, you're all woman.
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215. Yes, I know.
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216. For you, I'll do it.
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217. I can't.
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218. Querida, I can't even
look at another woman.
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219. Darling, you're doing it for me.
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220. For you.
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221. Oh, darling,
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222. say it with flowers.
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223. And, Gomez, now, I know
how you get carried away,
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224. so when I say "stop," stop.
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225. Cara.
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226. For you, Morticia.
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227. Miss Dunbar, my treasure.
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228. Mr. Addams, I've
been thinking about us.
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229. I'm afraid we're
making a mistake.
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230. A mistake?
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231. Did Samson and
Delilah make a mistake?
Copy !req
232. Yes.
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233. Did Antony and
Cleopatra make a mistake?
Copy !req
234. Yes.
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235. Did Romeo and
Juliet make a mistake?
Copy !req
236. Yes.
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237. Well, everyone's
entitled to one mistake.
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238. You're my only passion!
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239. Mr. Addams. Mr...
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240. Let's fly away together,
to the Black Forest.
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241. But what about your wife?
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242. She's been there.
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243. A Black Forest summer,
winter, autumn, spring...
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244. Fester, can't you see I'm busy?
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245. Gomez, how could you?
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246. It's easy. Watch.
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247. I don't know about you,
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248. but I come from a long
line of stool pigeons.
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249. Morticia!
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250. Morticia, I don't know how to tell
you this, but your husband's a fake.
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251. My husband, Gomez?
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252. You got another?
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253. He's playing footsies
with another woman.
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254. And when I say footsies,
I don't mean footsies.
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255. Dear noble Gomez.
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256. Noble?
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257. He's just pretending,
Uncle Fester.
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258. Pretending? Then why
is he drooling so much?
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259. He has to be convincing.
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260. He sure convinced me.
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261. Having that woman laying
down in his arms like that,
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262. with her hair straggling
down all over her shoulders
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263. and her eyes afire and
her cheeks aflame...
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264. You saw all that?
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265. Yeah, and I only
caught a glance.
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266. I do believe dear
Gomez has built up
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267. that woman's ego sufficiently.
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268. Uncle Fester, you
better go tell him.
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269. Don't worry, I know
what to tell him.
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270. Oh, Uncle Fester,
now, do be discreet.
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271. We don't want to
offend Miss Dunbar.
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272. Just tell Gomez I
said, "Don't. Stop."
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273. "Don't. Stop."
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274. He'll understand.
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275. You know me. Old dependable.
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276. I just adore finger-painting.
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277. But, Mr. Addams,
your wife. What wife?
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278. Nobody must be allowed
to intrude on our ecstasy.
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279. I can't look.
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280. Gomez, I've always
loved you as a nephew.
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281. Why not? I'm your uncle.
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282. But you're not yourself, Gomez.
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283. I can tell just by touching you.
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284. Suddenly you're hard and cold.
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285. But if you won't listen to me,
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286. perhaps you will
listen to Morticia.
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287. I should have put out
the "don't disturb" sign.
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288. There you are. Sorry.
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289. The Black Forest is indescribable.
Let me tell you about it.
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290. Morticia says, "Don't stop."
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291. Don't stop? Thanks.
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292. What was I saying before
we were interrupted? Oh, yes.
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293. I was saying that nobody
must be allowed to interrupt.
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294. Morticia!
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295. Morticia, we've lost him.
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296. He didn't stop?
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297. Didn't even break stride.
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298. Oh, dear.
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299. Oh, here, Uncle
Fester, finish this for me.
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300. Mr. Addams... Hush, my darling.
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301. Ivy-covered cottage
beside a lovely swamp.
Copy !req
302. But, Mr. Addams...
Hush, my darling.
Copy !req
303. We can find our own little secluded
hideaway, far from everyone,
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304. where the magic
stillness of the night
Copy !req
305. is broken only by the merry
buzzing of the tsetse fly.
Copy !req
306. But, Mr. Addams...
Yes, my darling.
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307. What is it?
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308. You're breaking my back.
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309. Gomez.
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310. Excuse me.
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311. Well, what do you think?
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312. I think it's dreadful.
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313. Well, I was doing a lot
better until her back gave out.
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314. I'll show you what I mean.
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315. Gomez, what's gotten into you?
Copy !req
316. You're acting disgracefully.
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317. I am? Yes, you are.
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318. It's as though you
don't care at all.
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319. It's as bad as that?
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320. It most certainly is!
Copy !req
321. If you'd only
make some effort...
Copy !req
322. Just watch me.
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323. I'll show you what the man
you married is really like.
Copy !req
324. Oh, what have I done?
Copy !req
325. Our wonderful life together,
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326. our magical moments,
gone, broken,
Copy !req
327. smashed to bits.
Copy !req
328. Pardon me.
Copy !req
329. Good God, Morticia,
what a performance!
Copy !req
330. Worthy of a Sarah Bernhardt, a
Greta Garbo, a Mamie Van Doren.
Copy !req
331. Oh, Gomez, why? Why? Why?
Copy !req
332. Why not? Why not? Why not?
Copy !req
333. How was that?
Copy !req
334. Oh, but enough
of this small talk!
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335. My heart belongs
to what's-her-name!
Copy !req
336. Please, Gomez, please, dear,
Copy !req
337. think of all of our happy
moments together.
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338. A sham! Where were we?
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339. Mr. Addams... Hush, my darling.
Copy !req
340. Can't you see it's
all over between us?
Copy !req
341. Gomez, I'm leaving this house
and taking the children with me.
Copy !req
342. Go ahead and leave!
Copy !req
343. Mr. Addams... Hush, my darling.
Copy !req
344. Take the children.
Copy !req
345. Take the neighbors' children.
Copy !req
346. Take Uncle Fester. Take Mama.
Copy !req
347. She's your mama.
Copy !req
348. Very well, we'll share custody.
Copy !req
349. But I get full custody of Lurch.
Copy !req
350. C'est terrible.
Copy !req
351. Mr. Addams.
Copy !req
352. There you are.
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353. Adieu, mon bubele.
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354. Mr. Addams, will you
please pick me up?
Copy !req
355. Yes, of course.
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356. It will be you and me.
Copy !req
357. Mr. Jennings.
Copy !req
358. Miss Dunbar.
Copy !req
359. Sir, if you're a jealous
husband or boyfriend,
Copy !req
360. the whole thing was a mistake.
Copy !req
361. An April fool joke.
Copy !req
362. An April fool joke in October?
Copy !req
363. I like to get an early start.
Copy !req
364. My glasses. Where
are my glasses?
Copy !req
365. Where did you drop
them, Miss Dunbar?
Copy !req
366. I didn't drop them,
they just flew off.
Copy !req
367. Flew...
Copy !req
368. Why, Isobel, you
have beautiful eyes.
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369. Sir,
Copy !req
370. you are leading this
poor, lovesick girl on,
Copy !req
371. and I just want
to say, good luck.
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372. Querida, I was just
carrying out your instructions.
Copy !req
373. But I pleaded with you to stop.
Copy !req
374. I thought you were acting.
Copy !req
375. Believe me, cara mia,
Copy !req
376. when you spoke to me in French,
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377. it was all I could do
to restrain myself.
Copy !req
378. What was it you said?
Copy !req
379. C'est terrible.
Copy !req
380. Speak some more French.
Copy !req
381. Bon appetit.
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382. Bon matin! Ce soir!
Copy !req
383. Anything! Hush, my darling.
Copy !req
384. Oh, my poor darling one,
Copy !req
385. it must have been
torture for you,
Copy !req
386. making love to that
strange woman all the time,
Copy !req
387. while you were longing for me,
Copy !req
388. and I made you do it.
Copy !req
389. Oh, can you ever forgive
me, darling, can you?
Copy !req
390. Yes, if you get me a pulmotor.
Copy !req
391. Of course, dear, for Christmas.
Copy !req
392. But I... Hush, my darling.
Copy !req
393. Oh, dear. I ruined
your newspaper.
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394. Think nothing of
it. It's last week's.
Copy !req
395. That's very sensible, dear.
Copy !req
396. I understand they're
much cheaper.
Copy !req
397. Much.
Copy !req
398. Oh, the mail is in.
Copy !req
399. Thank you, Thing.
Copy !req
400. Oh, it's from dear Miss Dunbar.
Copy !req
401. Did she get over me?
Copy !req
402. Completely. She did?
Copy !req
403. Pugsley, where are you going?
Copy !req
404. To mail a letter.
Copy !req
405. Oh, to who?
Copy !req
406. My new teacher.
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407. I hope this one isn't as fickle.
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408. Cara.
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409. Cara.
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