The Addams Family 1x7

Don Rickles as Claude • George Barrows as Gorgo • Skip Homeier as Marty

Two bank robbers accept an unknowing invitation and visit Morticia and Gomez on Halloween, in order to avoid being caught.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Neat.

2. Sweet.

3. Petite.

4. The mail's in.

5. Never mind, Lurch, I'll get it.

6. My new carving knife.

7. Nice knife. Can I play autopsy with it?

8. Well, darling, autopsy's a fine game.

9. But this is for carving works of art.

10. Well, either I've got tough hair or this knife needs sharpening.

11. There, darling, I think it's sharp enough now.

12. Lovely, Morticia. Querida mia.

13. Hurry up, Gomez.

14. Are you getting tired, Uncle Fester?

15. No, I like to pose. It's so artistic.

16. Good. I want to get the inner you.

17. Not with that.

18. Well, that's just for carving.

19. That's what I'm afraid of.

20. Not for carving you, for carving your likeness.

21. Oh.

22. Now, let's see a little more of the Addams character.

23. Now we're getting somewhere.

24. Mmm-hmm.

25. Uh-huh.

26. Yes.

27. Now, a little more to the right.

28. More.

29. Keep going.

30. Excellent.

31. Are you sure you're getting enough of my personality?

32. Try it in reverse.

33. Back up a little.

34. Keep going.

35. Perfect.

36. Yes, but are you sure you're getting the real me?

37. You're right. Let's have the real, the true, the unadorned you.

38. Beautiful.

39. And now for immortality.

40. Don't move, don't look, don't even breathe.

41. Don't worry, I'll... Don't!

42. That's it. Hold it.

43. By Jove, I think I've done it.

44. Why, Gomez, you're the Michelangelo of Halloween pumpkins.

45. How do you like it so far?

46. Darling, you have the soul of an artist and the touch of a surgeon.

47. Halloween always inspires me.

48. Are you looking forward to the guests

49. who might come in tonight for trick-or-treat?

50. Oh, yes.

51. And the children are so excited about going out.

52. Good.

53. I'd better see to the punch and cookies.

54. Always the perfect hostess.

55. Give us the smile.

56. Ah, Lurch, I see you have the bowl ready.

57. Yes, Mrs. Addams.

58. I think I'll start the punch and let it mellow for a while.

59. You may fix the sandwiches, Lurch.

60. Very good, Mrs. Addams.

61. Hmm, divine.

62. Thank you, Thing.

63. Gomez!

64. Morticia! Yes?

65. Wednesday and Pugsley are all dressed up for trick-or-treat.

66. Well, bring them down, bring them down.

67. Hear the siren?

68. That's a police siren.

69. Oh, great, the tank's dry as a bone.

70. Listen, next time we pull a stickup will you get gas?

71. All right, all right, I forgot.

72. Yeah, and you dropped your gun in the getaway.

73. Boy, this sure ain't your night.

74. Come on, let's get out of here before the cops spot us.

75. And I'll take the loot.

76. I don't want you to forget it.

77. I know, you're always mad, Marty.

78. Hey, the whole area's heating up.

79. We've gotta take cover someplace.

80. In there, quiet, behind that tree.

81. Okay.

82. Hey, hey.

83. I could've sworn that gate was closed.

84. Man, you're beginning to give me the creeps.

85. Come on.

86. What's the idea?

87. Why'd you slam it so hard?

88. I was gonna ask you the same thing.

89. How do we look?

90. Mama, these are far too...

91. I agree, Gomez, they're much too startling.

92. They'll scare the wits out of people.

93. Yes. When you knock on neighbors' doors, you'd better say,

94. "Do not be alarmed. We are only little children."

95. Can we go now?

96. As soon as your father finishes the jack-o'-lantern.

97. Ah.

98. How do you like it?

99. Thinks it looks like Uncle Fester?

100. Better!

101. Good eye. A true Addams.

102. This joint gives me the willies.

103. Will you get off it? It's probably the house of some sweet little old lady.

104. Now, children, are we ready for trick-or-treat?

105. We're ready, Father.

106. Yeah, let's go.

107. Fine. Now, these are to hold all the goodies you'll get.

108. I've got mine.

109. All right, Mama, we'll escort our little goblins

110. on their Halloween rounds.

111. There's somebody coming, Marty.

112. Yeah, I hear.

113. Will you put the mask away?

114. I don't want them to recognize us.

115. Look, Father, we have visitors.

116. That man has a mask.

117. They must be trick-or-treating.

118. Yes, yes, of course.

119. Don't come any closer.

120. Mama, you must be right.

121. Better make your speech, children.

122. Do not be alarmed. Do not be alarmed.

123. We are only little children. We are only little children.

124. We're on our way to play trick-or-treat, too.

125. Yeah, we're out for Halloween, too.

126. A perfect night for Halloween.

127. You must come in and celebrate with us.

128. Uh, sorry, we got other plans.

129. Um, on second thought, we'll, we'll take you up on that offer.

130. Splendid.

131. Mama, I'll leave the children in your capable hands.

132. Don't keep them out too late.

133. Just long enough to fill up our bags.

134. Goodbye, Father.

135. Morticia, our first guests have arrived.

136. This is my wife. Morticia, this is...

137. How ridiculous!

138. I forgot to ask your names.

139. Look, Mac, if you're thinking you're going to be...

140. I'm Marty and he's Claude.

141. Welcome to our home.

142. Hey, that's quite an outfit you got on, lady.

143. Thank you. I always wear this one for Halloween.

144. Looks real good for Halloween.

145. We always try to get our home in the Halloween mood, too.

146. Yeah, you sure do.

147. I heard voices, Gomez.

148. Who is it? Do we have guests?

149. Indeed we have, Uncle Fester.

150. This is Marty and Claude.

151. Pleased to meet you.

152. You... You folks sure don't hold back on Halloween.

153. It's our favorite holiday.

154. And this is our butler, Lurch.

155. Pal, you top 'em all.

156. Oh, yes, Lurch is tops.

157. Most efficient, too.

158. I forgot to light the pumpkin.

159. It looks just like me. Excuse me.

160. Gentlemen, come over here and I'll give you a treat.

161. Open your bag.

162. Oh, don't start getting cute, mister.

163. Now, now, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

164. I think it's rather heartwarming

165. that adults get in the Halloween spirit.

166. Yeah, but just the same, I ain't...

167. I told you he was efficient.

168. Excuse me, Lurch.

169. Why, you dirty...

170. Take it easy, Marty. Let's see what happens.

171. It's full of money.

172. Okay, pal, you had your look.

173. Now just hand it over.

174. Morticia, our neighbors have given these gentlemen

175. hundreds of dollars in trick-or-treat.

176. Makes one proud to live in such a neighborhood.

177. And I was going to give you apples.

178. My apologies, gentlemen.

179. There, that's better. Happy Halloween.

180. Uh, would you excuse us a minute?

181. Of course. Go right ahead, gentlemen.

182. Did you see what I saw?

183. Yeah, a drawer full of loot.

184. Yeah, and the mask the big guy's got on.

185. We ought to wear something like that the next time we pull a job.

186. I'm gonna find out where he got it.

187. Uh, friend, we've been admiring the mask.

188. Mind telling us where it come from?

189. It is mine.

190. Yeah, I know, but where did...

191. He's for real.

192. They're all for real.

193. Must you go?

194. We better, we better.

195. Just when things were beginning to perk up.

196. Can't you stay a bit longer?

197. Uh, not this season, lady.

198. Well, since you treated us so nice,

199. I guess we'll stick around for a while.

200. Capital!

201. We'll celebrate in the old tradition.

202. I'll see to the punch.

203. I shall help you, my dear. Oh.

204. Fester, get the Halloween poems from the library.

205. Lurch, you get the tub ready for the bobbing game.

206. You gentlemen make yourselves at home.

207. The cops sounded like they were right outside.

208. Yeah, guess we better stay put for a while.

209. And as long as we gotta stay,

210. we may as well make the most of it.

211. Okay. I'm kind of hungry.

212. Not the food, stupid.

213. You saw that drawer full of money.

214. They probably got a lot of jewelry, too.

215. We'll clean them out, and then we'll scram

216. when the coast is clear.

217. I'm with you, pal.

218. I do think our guests are charming, don't you?

219. Yes, especially the one with the scar.

220. He reminds me of Rupert Styx.

221. He has the same beautiful, beady eyes.

222. I thought we'd agreed, Morticia,

223. never to mention the name of Rupert Styx again.

224. Gomez, darling, you're not still jealous?

225. You were engaged to him.

226. Oh, well, I was just a silly young girl then.

227. I was fascinated by his long fingernails

228. and the way his lip curled when he smiled.

229. He was a handsome devil.

230. Morticia, please never mention his name again.

231. I promise, bubele.

232. Querida mia.

233. When we're together, darling, every night is Halloween.

234. Ah, the punch is ready.

235. It's locked. We gotta get a key.

236. We may have to rough 'em up a little.

237. Yeah, well, that's my department.

238. You just watch.

239. It's a good thing one of us is all there tonight.

240. Hey. Here they come.

241. We take 'em.

242. Okay, folks, this is a stickup.

243. I'm so sorry the children aren't here.

244. They'd be so amused.

245. Let's not rush the food.

246. The punch is ready but first Gomez will read us a Halloween poem.

247. Here's the poem, Gomez.

248. Thank you, Uncle Fester.

249. It's our favorite.

250. No Halloween would seem quite complete without it.

251. Won't you gentlemen please be seated?

252. Poem? We'd be better off in jail.

253. Shut up!

254. I'll fix the lights.

255. It'll put us in the proper mood.

256. Lurch! To the harpsichord.

257. "It was Halloween evening and through the abode

258. "Not a creature was stirring, not even a toad

259. "Jack-o'-lanterns are hung on the gallows with care

260. "To guide sister witch as she flies through the air"

261. Drawn by eight beautiful bats.

262. "And she calls out to them

263. "Come Flitter, come Flutter Come Flapper and Flyer

264. "Come Chitter, come Chatter, Come Vicious Vampire"

265. Oh, excuse me.

266. Is something wrong?

267. Good heavens!

268. What in the world brought that on?

269. It's obvious. They just don't like poetry.

270. Ah, gentlemen, I'm so glad you decided to stay.

271. You are staying, aren't you?

272. Uh, if you say so.

273. We, we, we like you folks.

274. Wonderful. Now we'll have some real fun.

275. Yes, we're going to play an old-fashioned Halloween game.

276. Game?

277. Yes, a bobbing game.

278. Please, if you don't mind, we'll just sit here quiet for a while and then scram.

279. No, you must play.

280. Okay, okay, if you say so.

281. Sure.

282. We used to play the game. Marty, you remember.

283. Oh, yeah, that's where everybody kneels around a tub and bobs for the apples.

284. Apples? Apples?

285. Well, what do you bob for?

286. Look, Marty.

287. We call it bobbing for the crab.

288. A real challenge.

289. Yeah, but that crab's alive.

290. And full of snap, too.

291. That's the challenge.

292. Great sport.

293. I'll go first.

294. Uncle Fester, no.

295. That honor belongs to our guests.

296. Oh, no, no, no, no. You go ahead, pal.

297. No, I was rude.

298. Oh, we like rudeness.

299. Please, we insist.

300. After you, Claude.

301. No, be my guest.

302. I'll get it. It's probably some more trick-or-treaters.

303. Darling, ask them in.

304. I just love Halloween.

305. Well, now, those are interesting costumes.

306. These are not costumes. We're police officers.

307. Oh, well, come in.

308. Just checking the neighborhood.

309. Everything all right here?

310. Oh, yes, fine.

311. We're just getting into the Halloween spirit. Care to join us?

312. Uh, no, thanks, we're on a manhunt.

313. Nice night for it.

314. You won, you won.

315. Both won.

316. Ole, ole.

317. Please get it off.

318. Get it off!

319. Isn't that absolutely amazing?

320. Would you like to try it again?

321. Try it again? I'd rather wrestle a lion.

322. Would you? Wonderful.

323. Kitty? Here Kitty, Kitty.

324. No! No!

325. Poor Kitty. Just terrified of people.

326. Well, it's my turn now.

327. Cops or no cops, we'd better blow before we get killed.

328. But it bugs me to leave all that loot in the drawer.

329. They wanna play games, we'll play 'em a game.

330. A game that'll get us the loot.

331. Look, money isn't everything.

332. It's enough.

333. Hey, folks. Claude and I got a game we wanna play.

334. It's called hide-and-seek.

335. Hide-and-seek?

336. Sounds rather mild compared to bobbing for crabs.

337. Uh, it'll fool you.

338. Goody. Let's try it.

339. I'm not having much luck down here.

340. Well, Claude and I'll be "it," see, and everybody else scrams and hides.

341. Then what happens?

342. We find you.

343. Yes?

344. Then we hide.

345. And you find us.

346. Yes?

347. That's it.

348. Excuse us for a moment.

349. My dear, I think we made a terrible mistake

350. inviting those two men in.

351. You do? Hide-and-seek?

352. Well, I'll admit it is a bit eccentric.

353. And they are rather strange.

354. But, after all, they're guests in our home.

355. You're right. Addams hospitality.

356. You're ready? Ready.

357. Okay, now everybody hides and we'll count to ten.

358. Pal, we're ready.

359. Goody. I love games.

360. You, too.

361. Okay, here we go.

362. One, two, three,

363. four, five, six...

364. Knock it off. Get the drawer open.

365. Hurry up! Okay, okay.

366. Oh, boy.

367. I can't wait to get out that door.

368. Okay. Come on.

369. Okay.

370. This loot will pay us back for all the trouble we went through.

371. It's locked! Now what?

372. Break the window.

373. Did you, did you, did you...

374. Let's get out of here!

375. They're not seeking very hard.

376. Strange game.

377. They must want us to win.

378. Very sporting.

379. Now, two of them went in there and the big guy's back there.

380. This way.

381. Let's go.

382. What's the matter with them?

383. Well, they ask us to hide and then they just run off.

384. Couple of oddballs.

385. They'll be all right. Look.

386. Those nice policemen are helping them into their squad car.

387. Probably going to give them a lift home.

388. Darling, did you pay your dues to the Zen-Yogi society?

389. My dear, I'm a paid-up member.

390. This is their latest position.

391. Oh.

392. Are you comfortable?

393. Don't I look it?

394. Of course.

395. Is there anything new in the paper tonight?

396. Oh, nothing much.

397. A revolution in South America,

398. a war in Asia, a flood...

399. Oh, here's something.

400. It says our friends, Marty and Claude, were sent up the river.

401. Good. They needed a vacation.