1. 'With the ants expelled from the pavlovaCopy !req
2. 'and the fridgesswitched back on at the wall,Copy !req
3. 'Max turns his attention to the menu.'Copy !req
4. Right, first thing to say about
this menu is that it is far too long!Copy !req
5. All right? You need food with balls.Copy !req
6. So, fresh local fish... Do fish have balls?Copy !req
7. Shut up! Have you got balls?Copy !req
8. Have you got hair on your balls?Copy !req
9. Sorry, but, yes, I do have hairy balls.Copy !req
10. Shut up, you hairy-balled prick!Copy !req
11. Right! So I've got some local salmon,
I'm just chopping up some dill,Copy !req
12. quick squeeze of lemon,Copy !req
13. let it marinate for a bit,
sear it in a hot pan...Copy !req
14. Dollop of creme fraiche.
Bingo! Done. Easy.Copy !req
15. Right, now you try.Copy !req
16. What... What did you say after dill?Copy !req
17. 'But Max's menu ideas seem
to be causing problems.'Copy !req
18. Are you pulling my balls?Copy !req
19. This is how I showed you to do it!
What the hell is that?Copy !req
20. Well, I... I just...Copy !req
21. What?I just feel...Copy !req
22. What, mate? What?Copy !req
23. You are much better at this than me.Copy !req
24. What?Copy !req
25. You are much better at cooking.
That's obvious.Copy !req
26. That's why you've got a TV show
and I've got a failing restaurant.Copy !req
27. Well...Copy !req
28. It doesn't help me for you to show people that.Copy !req
29. I can't cook that.Copy !req
30. And there's loads of things in
there that you didn't even mention,Copy !req
31. like that thing with the potato that might
as well be magic as far as I'm concerned.Copy !req
32. It's just local ingredients,
simply cooked.Copy !req
33. By you!Copy !req
34. King Lear is just English words
put in order.Copy !req
35. The only way any of this
will help my restaurantCopy !req
36. is if you stay for ever.Copy !req
37. Can you stay for ever? If you
can't cook a simple piece of salmon,Copy !req
38. you shouldn't have a restaurant in the
first place, mate. Well, soon I won't,Copy !req
39. thanks to the fantastic advert
this programme's giving me.Copy !req
40. They'll be queuing round the blockCopy !req
41. when they hear all about
the ants and that I can't cook.Copy !req
42. Oh, don't be silly!
You've got 50 covers out there.Copy !req
43. Because you're in the kitchen.Copy !req
44. All you've done is boast and demonstrate
the fact that any fool knew alreadyCopy !req
45. that you're better at cookery than me.Copy !req
46. OK. But will you keep it up?Copy !req
47. Keep it up? I haven't got it up,Copy !req
48. as I'm surprised you
weren't the first to say.Copy !req
49. OK, it's been tough. Give me a hug.Copy !req
50. You despise me.Copy !req
51. OK.Copy !req
52. OK...Copy !req
53. Coming up next on Channel 4,Copy !req
54. Linford Christie's Sprinting Nightmares.Copy !req
55. Keep up, slow coach!
Why aren't you running as fast as me?Copy !req
56. Anything you want,
mate, anything at all,Copy !req
57. we'll make your last three months...Copy !req
58. No, sorry... The next three months,
the best three months of your life.Copy !req
59. Thanks.Copy !req
60. Thanks, mate. That means a lot.Copy !req
61. So, what do you want to do?
Disneyland?Copy !req
62. Disneyland?Copy !req
63. I'm 36.Copy !req
64. Good point.Copy !req
65. Run with the bulls?Copy !req
66. Watch the sun go down
over the shoals of the Pacific?Copy !req
67. The sun going down, the end
of the day, the dying of the light.Copy !req
68. Right, right.Copy !req
69. Er, swim with dolphins?Copy !req
70. Ooh... Oh!Copy !req
71. Oh, what is it, mate? Anything!
Tell me, I will make it happen.Copy !req
72. Well, I've really always wanted
to go snowboarding...Copy !req
73. Great!Copy !req
74. among the penguins of the Antarctic.Copy !req
75. Right... Only...Copy !req
76. Right, I know that sounds
like swimming with dolphins,Copy !req
77. but I can sort of imagine that
being a bit harder to organise.Copy !req
78. Oh. Well, if it's too much bother.Copy !req
79. No, I just... I don't think it'll be
a Thomas Cook job, that's all.Copy !req
80. Well, I've got to say, mate,Copy !req
81. I don't think anything on Earth
can compare with these ice fields.Copy !req
82. These mountains, these
incredible penguins.Copy !req
83. Yeah...Copy !req
84. They're all a bit samey.Copy !req
85. It's not really as good
as I thought it'd be.Copy !req
86. I've done seven fun runs!Copy !req
87. I've hardly seen my wife.Copy !req
88. I spent three and a half
days in a bath of beans.Copy !req
89. Oh, did you? Probably
preferred it if I just died!Copy !req
90. Cos that would have
saved you the effort.Copy !req
91. That's a horrible thing to say.
I can't believe you said that.Copy !req
92. SQUAWKINGCopy !req
93. We hope you enjoyed
that pre-event advertisement.Copy !req
94. Maybe, one day, we'll
discover what it was for.Copy !req
95. You're watching the British
Emergency Broadcasting SystemCopy !req
96. and once again it's time
for The Quiz Broadcast.Copy !req
97. Welcome to the show and welcome
back to our contestants, Peter and Sheila.Copy !req
98. Peter, I've been meaning to ask,
you're blind, like most people,Copy !req
99. were you blinded by the Event?Copy !req
100. No, I was blinded post-Event by raiders.Copy !req
101. Well, that certainly is a funny story.Copy !req
102. And, of course, Sheila, you're
dressed like that for religious regions.Copy !req
103. That's right. After all, we don't want
the Event happening again, do we?Copy !req
104. We certainly don't!Copy !req
105. God, imagine the Event happening again!Copy !req
106. No! Do not imagine the
Event happening again!Copy !req
107. It will cause distress!Copy !req
108. The Event is in the past!Copy !req
109. So, now the Conveyor Belt Round.Copy !req
110. Sheila, ready? Think so.Copy !req
111. And, of course, we no longer know
how to work the conveyor belt,Copy !req
112. so let's take a look at the prizes.Copy !req
113. Food objects!Copy !req
114. Fuel!Copy !req
115. Tablets!Copy !req
116. Holy tablets!Copy !req
117. Frightening animal!Copy !req
118. Someone's head!Copy !req
119. We don't know, but they're everywhere!Copy !req
120. A stone!Copy !req
121. A stone!Copy !req
122. A stone! A stone!Copy !req
123. We don't know, but they're everywhere!Copy !req
124. Frightening animal!Copy !req
125. Sheila, what can you remember?Copy !req
126. Oh, I can remember sunshine,Copy !req
127. colours, smiling facesCopy !req
128. and then darkness, fear...Copy !req
129. No, no. Not the Event, the objects.Copy !req
130. Oh, right. Um...Copy !req
131. BUZZER A raid! A raid!Copy !req
132. Whoops!Copy !req
133. Well, Sheila, you certainly
won't leave empty-handed,Copy !req
134. because we're gonna let you take
away someone's head and a stoneCopy !req
135. as talisman for your sector.Copy !req
136. We'll certainly worship them.Copy !req
137. I'm sure you will.Copy !req
138. WHIRRING AND SPARKINGCopy !req
139. Ah! Well, I'm afraid that's all
we've got power for this week.Copy !req
140. Don't forget to send
your stories to us, here...Copy !req
141. wherever we've been for
the past two and a half years.Copy !req
142. Well, with any luck some
of us will be here next weekCopy !req
143. for another Quiz Broadcast,Copy !req
144. so until then, goodbye and remain indoors!Copy !req
145. WHIRRING AND SPARKINGCopy !req
146. What have we got?Copy !req
147. RTA, broken arm, suspected internal
injuries, severe contusions to the head.Copy !req
148. Need to move fast. Prep me a
solution of Arnica Montana, stat.Copy !req
149. Strength? One part in a million.Copy !req
150. Are you sure? It looks serious.Copy !req
151. You're right. We need to strengthen
the dose, one part in ten million.Copy !req
152. On it, doctor.Copy !req
153. Looks like a tricky one.
Nothing we can't handle.Copy !req
154. Get me some wolfsbane, also
known as monkshood, in here!Copy !req
155. And a tray of flower remedies!Copy !req
156. Oh, his chakras are fading.
We're gonna need some crystals.Copy !req
157. Nurse, fetch me some purple-tinted quartz.Copy !req
158. Dammit, you're right.
Make that aquamarine quartz!Copy !req
159. Good call.Copy !req
160. OK, he's stabilising. Now does anybody
know what sort of car hit him?Copy !req
161. Blue Ford Mondeo.Copy !req
162. Right, get me a bit of blue Ford Mondeo,
put it in water, shake it, dilute it,Copy !req
163. shake it again, dilute it again, shake, dilute,Copy !req
164. and then put three drops on his tongue.Copy !req
165. If that doesn't cure him, I don't know what will.Copy !req
166. I think you should look at this, Simon. What is it?Copy !req
167. I don't think this poor chap's got long to live.Copy !req
168. Why not? His lifeline, very short.Copy !req
169. And his horoscope's not too clever either.Copy !req
170. "Sagittarius, brace yourself for a surprise,Copy !req
171. "things are about to change for you."Copy !req
172. They certainly are. Unless... Wait!Copy !req
173. What?Copy !req
174. We could try drawing a bit
more lifeline on with Biro.Copy !req
175. It'll never work!
Have you got a better idea?Copy !req
176. Let's see what happens.Copy !req
177. Uhh...Copy !req
178. Damn it!Copy !req
179. Time of death, 3.34...Copy !req
180. .. ish.Copy !req
181. Tough day, eh?Copy !req
182. I just can't stand losing them.Copy !req
183. It happens.Copy !req
184. I don't know. Sometimes I think a
trace solution of deadly nightshadeCopy !req
185. or a statistically negligible quantity
of arsenic just isn't enough.Copy !req
186. That's crazy talk, Simon.Copy !req
187. OK, so you kill the odd patient
with cancer or heart disease,Copy !req
188. or bronchitis, flu,
chicken pox or measles,Copy !req
189. but when someone comes in
with a vague sense of unease,Copy !req
190. or a touch of the nerves,Copy !req
191. oreven just more money than sense,Copy !req
192. we'll be there for them,Copy !req
193. bottle of basically
just water in one hand,Copy !req
194. and a huge invoice in the other.Copy !req
195. I suppose you're right.Copy !req
196. Now, another drink?Copy !req
197. I need one.Copy !req
198. Excuse me, two more
homeopathic lagers, please.Copy !req
199. Whoa! That's strong stuff.Copy !req
200. Everyone, this is Ben and Lizzy,
who just moved into number 14.Copy !req
201. Oh, hello there.Copy !req
202. Oh, my God!Copy !req
203. Oh, golly...Copy !req
204. Sorry, is everything all right?Copy !req
205. Um, there's been a misunderstanding.Copy !req
206. We're not swingers.Copy !req
207. We don't have sex with other couples.Copy !req
208. What, you think we're all...?Copy !req
209. I'm not judging. It's just,
um... It's not really our thing.Copy !req
210. We like to keep that
side of things private.Copy !req
211. We're just shy.Copy !req
212. Yeah, that's it. We're just
shy. Call it our weird fetish.Copy !req
213. Yeah, it's almost like, in this
room, WE'RE the perverts.Copy !req
214. Good one.Copy !req
215. Look, we're not swingers either.Copy !req
216. I don't want to have
sex with your wife.Copy !req
217. Yeah, right(!)Copy !req
218. Honestly.Copy !req
219. With the best will in the world,
John, yes, you do.Copy !req
220. I really...Copy !req
221. I've seen your wife, she's
sitting there with a slack jaw,Copy !req
222. staring at my groin, like she's
in some kind of erotic coma.Copy !req
223. That's all well and good and I'm
sure Barbara's a very nice lady,Copy !req
224. but that doesn't mean
I want to rim her.Copy !req
225. Now, if you'll excuse us, Lizzy
and I are acutely consciousCopy !req
226. that you've been mentally undressing us
the whole time we've been standing here.Copy !req
227. You're all thinking about Lizzy's
splendid, untroubled,Copy !req
228. almost French-looking breastsCopy !req
229. and my cute, peachy arse.Copy !req
230. And if that thought helps this imminent
orgy go with a bit more kapow,Copy !req
231. then, er, that's just our gift to you.Copy !req
232. Yeah, we'll leave the wine as well.Copy !req
233. Yeah, we'll leave the wine as well,
because, frankly, no offence,Copy !req
234. but you're gonna need it.Copy !req
235. Good luck.Copy !req
236. Well, I found this whole thing
quite arousing.Copy !req
237. Yeah, that makes two of us, sweetheart.
Notice, two of us, not eight of us.Copy !req
238. Bye, then.Copy !req
239. Cheerio.Copy !req
240. I want an orgy now.Copy !req
241. Barbara!Copy !req
242. Anyway, I'll tell you what,Copy !req
243. I was wrong about the penguins.Copy !req
244. I know what I want to do now.Copy !req
245. Brilliant, mate. Just name it.Copy !req
246. I don't wanna put you
to too much trouble.Copy !req
247. Come on! Anything, mate.
I will make it happen.Copy !req
248. Well, we could get a crew
of mercenaries together,Copy !req
249. take over the skyscraper HQ
of a multinational corporation,Copy !req
250. wrong-foot the authorities by posing
as terrorists with a political agenda,Copy !req
251. whilst actually clearing out
the building's underground vaultCopy !req
252. of bombs and bullion?Copy !req
253. OK, that's...Copy !req
254. That's Die Hard, isn't it?Copy !req
255. Yeah.Copy !req
256. I want to do Die Hard.Copy !req
257. Right...Copy !req
258. That might be a bit tricky.Copy !req
259. Symphony Number Nine by BeethovenCopy !req
260. Everybody down!Copy !req
261. If anyone moves, I will have no hesitation
in shooting you up with this gun.Copy !req
262. Are we all clear on that?Copy !req
263. Yes.Copy !req
264. Sergei, are you through to the vault yet?Copy !req
265. Yes! Only one security code to
go and we're home free, Martin.Copy !req
266. This is brilliant! What a rush!Copy !req
267. I said stay down! Now let that
be a lesson to all of you.Copy !req
268. You've got to keep
an eye on them, Martin.Copy !req
269. What is it? What's the matter?Copy !req
270. Mmm... This isn't...Copy !req
271. It's not as good as I thought it'd be.Copy !req
272. What? But... But it's what you wanted!Copy !req
273. Yeah...Copy !req
274. Do you know how hard this was to set up?Copy !req
275. False passports, learning
to be a computer hacker,Copy !req
276. so I could break into the mainframe, and
ex-Russian military don't come cheap!Copy !req
277. I've done five marathons
dressed as a horse!Copy !req
278. Oh, I'm sorry(!)Has my dying
inconvenienced you(?)Copy !req
279. No. Now come on, that's not fair.
I didn't say that.Copy !req
280. But it has taken up
a lot of my timeCopy !req
281. and Cheryl's been really
understanding, but even so.Copy !req
282. I mean, I'm the one who's
gonna be dead in two months.Copy !req
283. It's important I say what I feel.
Of course! Of course.Copy !req
284. Why don't we do the
yippee kay-ay thing again?Copy !req
285. Yippee kay-ay, mother...Copy !req
286. Is she all right?Copy !req
287. Have you seen it, Hennimore?Copy !req
288. Have I seen what, sir?Copy !req
289. The giant wasp that's been
circling the building.Copy !req
290. It's after the enormous pot of jam
that we're sending to the King of MoldovaCopy !req
291. to try and build trade relations.Copy !req
292. I don't mind telling you, Hennimore,Copy !req
293. it's been a disastrous year for
all of us here at Dreadnought LidsCopy !req
294. and this Moldovan contract
is our last chance.Copy !req
295. King Fredlib loves jamCopy !req
296. and this was the last giant pot Fortnum's hadCopy !req
297. or are ever planning to make. Blimey!Copy !req
298. Now, it's nearly four
and I've got a meeting,Copy !req
299. so I need you to stand here,
and if that giant wasp comes back,Copy !req
300. you set about it with
the old Gunn and Moore.Copy !req
301. Right you are, sir.Copy !req
302. On an unrelated note, my wife
will be popping in later.Copy !req
303. I said she can wait here
for a couple of hoursCopy !req
304. before heading off to the Flora and
Fauna Ball in the revolving restaurantCopy !req
305. at the top of the Father Christmas Hotel
in central London. She's going as a wasp. Right, sir.Copy !req
306. So she'll be popping
in in her wasp costume.Copy !req
307. She always gets held up by reception,
so I've told her to use the fire escapeCopy !req
308. and come in the window.
Don't be surprisedCopy !req
309. if something that looks
like a giant wasp comes in.Copy !req
310. And just to reiterate, if a giant wasp
comes in through the window,Copy !req
311. smash it to bits with the bat.
Got it, sir.Copy !req
312. SHRIEKINGCopy !req
313. BUZZINGCopy !req
314. Go away, nasty wasp...Copy !req
315. SLURPINGCopy !req
316. What the devil!Copy !req
317. Hennimore!Copy !req
318. Sorry, David, can you read
these texts for me?Copy !req
319. I haven't got my glasses.
Oh, yeah, all right.Copy !req
320. Um, the first one's from Martin.
He writes,Copy !req
321. "Hi, Rob. Hope you're well. Are
you still on for a drink tonight?Copy !req
322. "How about eight o'clock at the Crown?"Copy !req
323. And there's just a letter X.Copy !req
324. David, it's not an X, it's a kiss.Copy !req
325. A kiss? How can it be a kiss?Copy !req
326. A kiss is a thing you do,
that's just a letter.Copy !req
327. No, but they're ending the message
with a kiss, like on a birthday card.Copy !req
328. Oh, is that what that means?Copy !req
329. I always thought that people just thoughtCopy !req
330. I was either 10, 20 or 30 years old.Copy !req
331. Usually ten.Copy !req
332. Ah, who's the next one from?Copy !req
333. Oh, it's your wife. Are you
sure you want me to read it?Copy !req
334. Yeah, it's fine. OK.Copy !req
335. "Sorry, running ten minutes late.
Two kisses."Copy !req
336. That's a bit distant.Copy !req
337. Shouldn't she have put like a sex or
something? I mean, she is your wife.Copy !req
338. Is there a letter for that?
Maybe an S.Copy !req
339. That would be a bit more loving.Copy !req
340. "Sorry, I'm running late. Sex."Copy !req
341. Look, don't you put kisses on things?
On texts and e-mails?Copy !req
342. No, not even to people
who I kiss or have kissed.Copy !req
343. I do all my kissing live.Copy !req
344. Is that wrong?Copy !req
345. No, it's not wrong. It's just...Copy !req
346. Not very affectionate.Copy !req
347. Oh, God! I'm not very affectionate?
Is that what everyone thinks?Copy !req
348. That I hate kissing,Copy !req
349. just because I don't put a random
letter at the end of my e-mails?Copy !req
350. No, it's fine! You've got that whole cold,
repressed, emotionless thing going on.Copy !req
351. People like it. You're the guy
people like to feel uncomfortable around.Copy !req
352. Oh, God! Really?Copy !req
353. Really.Copy !req
354. Do you want a kiss?Copy !req
355. No.Copy !req
356. You wanted to see me.Copy !req
357. Ah, Quintilius, my
most trusted soothsayer.Copy !req
358. These are dark days for Pompeii,Copy !req
359. smoke in the sky, the earth
twitching like a bucking animal.Copy !req
360. You're telling me.
It's a proper shambles.Copy !req
361. Guide me, O wise man. What does
the future hold for our fair city?Copy !req
362. Well, as far as portents go,
it's not good.Copy !req
363. You know that big mountain
that's suddenly on fire? Yes.Copy !req
364. That's definitely a bad sign.Copy !req
365. Double checked with the goats' entrails
and they all say within a week,Copy !req
366. phht, that's us done for,
consumed by brimstone,Copy !req
367. reduced to ash, all curled up
in flaky ballsCopy !req
368. with tourists poking about,
tutting and shaking their heads.Copy !req
369. And this is your sincere forecast?Copy !req
370. Sorry. I wish I could say scattered
showers, but we're way beyond that.Copy !req
371. Smell that sulphur? That is
one angry atmosphere out there.Copy !req
372. Then we must make a humble
offering to appease the gods.Copy !req
373. Exactly. I've been having a bit of a think
about this, and I reckon I've got it.Copy !req
374. Cockerels? Pigs?Copy !req
375. No.Copy !req
376. We sort our rubbish into separate bins.Copy !req
377. Sorry?Copy !req
378. Green glass, brown glass, mosaic, papyrus,Copy !req
379. all in separate bins.Copy !req
380. Sort of a devotional thing,Copy !req
381. once a week, before going to bed
on a Monday night, I reckon.Copy !req
382. Is that it?Copy !req
383. "It"? Look at the sky!Copy !req
384. It looks like a smashed cake.
The gods are hopping bonkers.Copy !req
385. We need to dedicate some of our precious
time to a futile, time-consuming ritual.Copy !req
386. You know gods, they love all that shit.Copy !req
387. But surely that's...Copy !req
388. I don't know... pissing in the wind?Copy !req
389. It's very pissing in the wind,Copy !req
390. but the sky's on fire and it's
the best I could come up with.Copy !req
391. Hey! I've just noticed,Copy !req
392. you've been eating crisps all morning.
Aren't you afraid you'll get fat?Copy !req
393. No. I can eat as many of these as I like.Copy !req
394. I can't believe you're stuffing
your face with crisps again.Copy !req
395. You'll only get fat, and then
I'll have to have another affair.Copy !req
396. No, don't worry.
These won't make me fat.Copy !req
397. Why not? Are you bulimic?Copy !req
398. No, it's because these aren't crisps,Copy !req
399. they're Cressps.Copy !req
400. Peekers Crisps takes ordinary cress,
the healthiest food in the world,Copy !req
401. and that's been confirmed,Copy !req
402. and then deep-fry it in crisp fat
so all the health is retained,Copy !req
403. which means I can eat as many Cressps
as I like and just get healthier.Copy !req
404. Wow! I'll have some Cressps.Copy !req
405. I think I'll pass, actually.Copy !req
406. 'Cressps, once you Cressp,
you just can't splessp.'Copy !req
407. That doesn't make any sense.
Oh, God! They're horrid!Copy !req
408. Helen!Copy !req
409. Get in here!Copy !req
410. Oh, my... Finally, after
all these years of doubt,Copy !req
411. proof!Copy !req
412. Atheists from around the
world are converging hereCopy !req
413. and queuing for hours, just for a
glimpse of the miraculous fruit section.Copy !req
414. Let's see if we can talk to one of them.Copy !req
415. Can you tell us what you've seen?Copy !req
416. Oh, what can I say? My faith's
been completely destroyed.Copy !req
417. Oh, right. So you WERE a believer?Copy !req
418. Oh, yeah. I've got this tomato.Copy !req
419. You can just see the initials "JC".Copy !req
420. Oh, it looks like there's
a B there, as well.Copy !req
421. It says "JCB".Copy !req
422. Oh, yeah. Well, that doesn't
matter now, does it?Copy !req
423. This melon blows my tomato out of the
water. I mean, it's a full sentence.Copy !req
424. There's punctuation and everything.
That's good enough for me.Copy !req
425. Like the fruit says, there is no God.Copy !req
426. So what will you do now?Er...Copy !req
427. call a prostitute, I suppose.Copy !req
428. And joining us now is
Reverend Steven Murray.Copy !req
429. So, Reverend, what's the
Church's take on this?Copy !req
430. Is God done for?Copy !req
431. No. Obviously there
is a God, and he's fine.Copy !req
432. This is just typical silly atheists
getting carried away.Copy !req
433. They look at a random pattern
in a piece of fruitCopy !req
434. and think they've found
some message in it.Copy !req
435. So it's meaningless?Copy !req
436. Absolutely. There are a million atheists
who've cut open pieces of fruit todayCopy !req
437. and found no such message,Copy !req
438. just the tasty flesh and seeds that
God put there for them to enjoy.Copy !req
439. This particular atheist happens
to have found a piece of fruitCopy !req
440. that happens to resemble writing and
he's projected his own meaning onto it.Copy !req
441. It's ridiculous.Copy !req
442. You could equally look at all the
horrible suffering in the worldCopy !req
443. and say that that proves
there's no God.Copy !req
444. That's a good point. So how
do you explain the message?Copy !req
445. Well, it's probably just some random
mutation in the watermelon's genetics.Copy !req
446. Oh, no, wait. Not that!Copy !req
447. That's good, that, isn't it?Copy !req
448. What is?The way...Copy !req
449. you know, when you're in the showerCopy !req
450. and the water's all sort of running
down you, and it gets to your cock,Copy !req
451. and the topside,Copy !req
452. or, like, over-carriage of your cock
forms a sort of natural aqueductCopy !req
453. and channels the water so it runs off the
end and it looks like you're doing a wee.Copy !req
454. Do I really have to be here
for this? And then,Copy !req
455. if you need a wee and
go ahead and have a wee,Copy !req
456. then the wee sort of combines
with the waterCopy !req
457. and it looks like you're
doing a super wee.Copy !req
458. I wouldn't know.Copy !req
459. It's like when you're walking along those
flat escalators they have at airports,Copy !req
460. your natural walking plus the assistance,
you basically feel like a superhero.Copy !req
461. So what you're trying to tell me is
that having a piss in the showerCopy !req
462. makes you feel like a superhero.Copy !req
463. Yes.Copy !req
464. Well, as I say, I wouldn't know.
What wouldn't you know?Copy !req
465. I wouldn't know about pissing in the
shower. It's not something that I...Copy !req
466. You've never had a piss in
the shower? Of course not.Copy !req
467. Why not? What do you mean, why not?Copy !req
468. Why am I suddenly the weird one
just because I choose not to...Copy !req
469. What, so you're in the shower
and you need a wee,Copy !req
470. so you get out and go all
the way over to the sink...Copy !req
471. Sink? All right, loo,
whatever, just so...Copy !req
472. There is such a thing as having standards,
even when there's no-one watching.Copy !req
473. What's the problem? You're in the shower,
there's a lot of rinsing going on.Copy !req
474. It comes out sterile anyway.Copy !req
475. That's not the point.As long as it
doesn't go on the curtain. Oh, please!Copy !req
476. What? I'm saying don't
get it on the curtain.Copy !req
477. I'm not saying aim at the curtain,
David. I'm not a complete barbarian!Copy !req
478. I didn't say you were a complete...
You're not perfect. You shit in the bath.Copy !req
479. That's different.Copy !req
480. I know what I want now.Copy !req
481. All right.Copy !req
482. I want...Copy !req
483. to have sex...Copy !req
484. Oh, fine! Oh, great. That's great.
I can sort that out, no problem.Copy !req
485. .. with your wife.Copy !req
486. Oh.Copy !req
487. And then I can die happy.Copy !req
488. Right. I... I just feel that...Copy !req
489. I don't know, that's
crossing a sort of line.Copy !req
490. All right. Sorry, sorry,
forget it, forget it.Copy !req
491. No, no, you're my best friend,Copy !req
492. and I suppose it would
just be the one time.Copy !req
493. No, I'd want to do it lots of times,Copy !req
494. all over your house, with role-play.Copy !req
495. I've drawn up a list.Copy !req
496. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! >Copy !req
497. THEY PANT >Copy !req
498. Mmm... yeah... >Copy !req