1. which leads us to the unfortunate
conclusion that this latest murderCopy !req
2. was also the work
of the so-called Identity Killer.Copy !req
3. Now Inspector Danvers
will take your questions.Copy !req
4. How can you be sure
this is the Identity Killer's work?Copy !req
5. As with his previous victims,Copy !req
6. he's left at the crime scene
details of his identity.Copy !req
7. - So the killer has a calling card?
- I suppose you could say that.Copy !req
8. - What is it?
- On this occasion, it was a calling card.Copy !req
9. But on previous occasions he's been
known to leave his birth certificate,Copy !req
10. the address of his MySpace pageCopy !req
11. and on one occasion
a series of unconnected numbers,Copy !req
12. next to the three letter word M-O-B.Copy !req
13. So, we're looking into the possibilityCopy !req
14. that there may be connections
with organised crime.Copy !req
15. So, what have we got?Copy !req
16. Nothing, all he's left this time
is a passport-size photoCopy !req
17. and two recent utility bills.Copy !req
18. Oh my God, sir. Look at that.Copy !req
19. I know, what a waste.Copy !req
20. Come and have a look at this,
sarge.Copy !req
21. It's still running, sir.
Shall we have a look at the tape?Copy !req
22. Oh, what, so we're sitting around
looking at footage of Mr Eric Hale,Copy !req
23. Flat 2, Addington Buildings, Swindon,
murdering a man,Copy !req
24. and meanwhile
the Identity Killer could strike again.Copy !req
25. No, at this point all we can do
is wait for him to make a mistake.Copy !req
26. Aaahhh!Copy !req
27. Morning, sir.Copy !req
28. I don't think they're very well, Mum.Copy !req
29. It's the Helivets.Copy !req
30. We're the Helivets!Copy !req
31. Where's the pet or pets in peril?Copy !req
32. - Who are the concerned owners?
- We both are.Copy !req
33. Don't worry, young lady and old lady.
We'll soon have your fish or fishesCopy !req
34. swimming under the tiny bridge again.Copy !req
35. - They're dead.
- Wiggling in gravel.Copy !req
36. - They're dead.
- Sucking at the mermaid.Copy !req
37. - Look.
- We can help him.Copy !req
38. We can't.Copy !req
39. We're the Helivets.Copy !req
40. Thanks for doing this, guys.
I'm really crazy about Jill.Copy !req
41. - No problem. We enjoy matchmaking.
- Don't you worry about a thing.Copy !req
42. This whole evening has been set up
to make you look good. You'll shine.Copy !req
43. - So who else is coming?
- Well, there's Dave.Copy !req
44. - Great. No problems there.Copy !req
45. That'll be Jill.Copy !req
46. - Do I look OK?
- Yeah, that shirt really suits you.Copy !req
47. - Everyone, this is Jill.
- Hi. Hi.Copy !req
48. Oh, hello.Copy !req
49. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
50. Well, let's sit down, shall we?Copy !req
51. - Is someone else joining us?
- Just a scarecrow.Copy !req
52. He's an old friend of Tara's.
He's upstairs. He'll be down in a sec.Copy !req
53. Come on, Scarecrow.
We're gonna start without you.Copy !req
54. Sorry, I was just admiring
your Kandinsky prints upstairs.Copy !req
55. Oh, I love his work.Copy !req
56. I was lucky enough to capture
the retrospective in Barcelona.Copy !req
57. - Stunning.
- Really? Oh, I'm Jill, by the way.Copy !req
58. Hi, I'm Scarecrow.Copy !req
59. What a fascinating name!Copy !req
60. Steve, can I have a word
in the kitchen?Copy !req
61. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
62. - What is it?
- Who the hell is he?Copy !req
63. He's Scarecrow, Tara knows him.Copy !req
64. Why did you invite him?
He's charming the pants off her.Copy !req
65. Go and compete. He's just a scarecrow.Copy !req
66. Yeah, but he's really smooth.
I think she likes him.Copy !req
67. If you can't do better than a man
with rats living in his torso,Copy !req
68. then there's no hope for you
with any woman.Copy !req
69. - Yeah, all right. You're right.
- OK.Copy !req
70. Oh, there's something stuck in my jacket.Copy !req
71. Ooh!Copy !req
72. - More wine, Jill?
- Yeah, thanks. Oh, yeah, thanks.Copy !req
73. Um... You know,
I used to be really scared of birds.Copy !req
74. Oh, don't worry, I'll look after you.Copy !req
75. Ooh. My hero.Copy !req
76. So er... Scarecrow. Tell me,
how much does scaring crows pay?Copy !req
77. I only ask cos I'm a senior marketing
executive and I'm on about 70K.Copy !req
78. I just wondered
how scarecrowing compares.Copy !req
79. Oh, how can you put a price
on the view of the valley?Copy !req
80. Or the soft morning breezes?Copy !req
81. And watching the gentle rains
sweeping across the landscape...Copy !req
82. as tender corn heads
brush sensuously at your side.Copy !req
83. And the nights,
O nights of countless stars,Copy !req
84. when your soul just... ascends.Copy !req
85. That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
86. What were you thinking?
I'm getting whipped.Copy !req
87. Stop wasting time
and get in the game.Copy !req
88. Look, Jill likes skiing.Copy !req
89. So when you get the chance,
use that as an opening.Copy !req
90. All right.Copy !req
91. There are two types of scarecrow.
There are the ordinary scarecrowsCopy !req
92. and then there's the enchanted kind,
like me.Copy !req
93. He's enchanted!Copy !req
94. That's fascinating.
So what's the difference?Copy !req
95. An enchanted scarecrow
can walk and talk...Copy !req
96. You do that thing
with the moon and the poetry.Copy !req
97. Come on, don't make me do that.Copy !req
98. - What thing?
- It's nothing.Copy !req
99. - Do you ski at all, Jill?
- No, thanks, I'm fine.Copy !req
100. What's this you do? I'm fascinated.Copy !req
101. Oh, go on. Do it, Scarecrow.Copy !req
102. Oh, all right.Copy !req
103. This is from my book,
"The Night-watchman".Copy !req
104. You're a published poet?Copy !req
105. It's only a slim volume.Copy !req
106. - And do the moon thing too.
- OK, OK.Copy !req
107. "Sister moon, shine down
your gentle benevolence upon us."Copy !req
108. Oh, that's amazing.
How did you do that?Copy !req
109. - Enchanted.
- Well, all I can say is me too.Copy !req
110. "And as the sun rose
on the clean new day,Copy !req
111. "none knew the night-watchman
had passed this way."Copy !req
112. That's just beautiful.
I wish I could see the valley at night.Copy !req
113. Well, it's only half an hour away.
We could all go now.Copy !req
114. I've got my BMW outside.Copy !req
115. No, thanks. I think
I might just get an early night.Copy !req
116. I'll er... grab my bag.Copy !req
117. Thanks so much
for setting this up, guys.Copy !req
118. - I've fancied her for ages.
- No problems.Copy !req
119. Great choice with the other guy.
What a tosser.Copy !req
120. Come on, Scarecrow. Let's go.Copy !req
121. - Go on, don't keep the lady waiting.
- Thanks again.Copy !req
122. - Cheers, Dave.
- Oh, right. See you later, Scarecrow.Copy !req
123. So let's go through it one last time.Copy !req
124. All we've got is a name, an address
an occupation, a phone number,Copy !req
125. a modus operandi, motive, opportunity,
a confession and him in the room.Copy !req
126. Hi.Copy !req
127. So, I ask you all.Copy !req
128. Where the hell do we go from here?Copy !req
129. You could try arresting him, boss.Copy !req
130. - Or is that just what he wants us to do?
- No, it isn't.Copy !req
131. Or is that just what he wants us to think?Copy !req
132. Look, I'm just gonna go.Copy !req
133. He's always that one step ahead of us.Copy !req
134. And then on the Wednesday, Dan,
it's the bath scene, Dan.Copy !req
135. Now, we've talked about this.Copy !req
136. - You're fine with the nudity, aren't you?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
137. Yeah. I mean, people don't have baths
with their pants on, right?Copy !req
138. Mmm. Exactly.Copy !req
139. We'll be asking you to take
your pants off while I'm there.Copy !req
140. Fine. I think it's important
to the realism of the film.Copy !req
141. Yeah. Realism, yeah.Copy !req
142. And it'll be a closed set, won't it?
I mean, you know,Copy !req
143. I don't really want too many people
hanging around while I'm... you know.Copy !req
144. While you're taking off
all your clothes, to be filmed.Copy !req
145. - Yeah.
- Leave that to me, Dan.Copy !req
146. It will just be like
me and the cameraman.Copy !req
147. It will be like that, yes. You and
the cameramen. And me, of course.Copy !req
148. Well, can't do a scene
without the director.Copy !req
149. Not this scene.Copy !req
150. And the sound man and four or five
electricians to make sure you're lit nicelyCopy !req
151. and the continuity lady
and the make-up ladyCopy !req
152. and her assistant
and the work experience girl.Copy !req
153. - Right. But basically...
- But no need for costume department!Copy !req
154. Because you won't have a costume on!Copy !req
155. You'll be bare.Copy !req
156. Right, no, of course.
They won't be there. Yeah.Copy !req
157. So basically you'll be on your own.Copy !req
158. I mean, obviously the props people
and the designer need to be there.Copy !req
159. But I think that's the day the producer's
bringing his wife and three daughters.Copy !req
160. But...Copy !req
161. Right, but I mean
it'll all be shot tastefully, won't it?Copy !req
162. Obviously I'll be naked,
but you won't actually see my penis.Copy !req
163. I'll see your penis, Dan.Copy !req
164. I'll see it loads.Copy !req
165. Yeah, sure, but, I mean,
you won't actually be filming my penis.Copy !req
166. Well, there are no guarantees
in this business, Dan, but...Copy !req
167. There's one thing I can say. It's that
I'll try and avoid being very unsurprisedCopy !req
168. if your penis doesn't not get filmed and
put on release up and down the land.Copy !req
169. Oh. Well, that's a relief.Copy !req
170. three life sentences.Copy !req
171. A spokesman said,
"You think you know a guyCopy !req
172. "and then he goes
and does something like that."Copy !req
173. Foreign news now. At a special
session of the United Nations,Copy !req
174. it was agreed that the war on terror
is, in the words of a new resolution,Copy !req
175. "just too difficult".Copy !req
176. The Security Council
has agreed to launch a warCopy !req
177. on the comedian
and ornithologist Bill Oddie,Copy !req
178. as a way of bringing the nations
of the world togetherCopy !req
179. in a more achievable common cause.Copy !req
180. Matt Long has this.Copy !req
181. It took over six hours but they came up
with a name that suited all parties.Copy !req
182. We must join together
in the face of this new menace.Copy !req
183. There can be no peace in the worldCopy !req
184. until Bill Oddie is hunted downCopy !req
185. and completely destroyed.Copy !req
186. It's a challenging new world
that we live inCopy !req
187. and it had become increasingly clearCopy !req
188. that the need to confront Bill Oddie
had been growing.Copy !req
189. Um... It was only a matter of yearsCopy !req
190. before he developed
a nuclear capacity, probably.Copy !req
191. For all we know, he already had
a dirty bomb and he meant to use it,Copy !req
192. on the tube tomorrow,
for all we know.Copy !req
193. That's why every army and intelligence
agency is gonna be out looking for him.Copy !req
194. - Has he been notified?
- He has been notified.Copy !req
195. - And how did he react?
- How do you think?Copy !req
196. I'd say he's pretty much crapped himself.Copy !req
197. But we're gonna be giving him 48 hours
head start to make it interesting.Copy !req
198. And be in no doubt.
We are gonna take him down.Copy !req
199. We're gonna take him down hard.Copy !req
200. And he needn't think
he's gonna get away with it this time.Copy !req
201. What if he seeks refuge
with Jihadi terrorists in Iraq or Pakistan?Copy !req
202. Oh, God. He won't do that, will he?Copy !req
203. Is it true you're not wearing
any underpants, Dan?Copy !req
204. - Yes.
- Blimey!Copy !req
205. - How's the rest of the filming going?
- The rest of...Copy !req
206. Oh, fine, Dan. We're all pleased
with all the rest of the filming.Copy !req
207. Hope this bath isn't too cold.Copy !req
208. Well, that's what I meant
to talk to you about, Dan.Copy !req
209. We thought that rather
than your character getting into a bath,Copy !req
210. what would be better is that
if your character was still nakedCopy !req
211. but instead of getting into a bath,
getting tied to the wheel of doom,Copy !req
212. which is then revolved.Copy !req
213. - Why the change?
- It was more visually interesting.Copy !req
214. Yes. Yes, I suppose it is.Copy !req
215. Um... And who are these people?Copy !req
216. Just some random people.Copy !req
217. Right.Copy !req
218. We're a little bit pushed for time, so if
you could slip out of your dressing gownCopy !req
219. and get yourself tied to the wheel
of doom, we'll start filming.Copy !req
220. Oh. OK.Copy !req
221. Um... Gavin, you are just filming me
from here up, yeah?Copy !req
222. Absolutely, Dan.
Don't you worry.Copy !req
223. Oh, OK.Copy !req
224. Nothing!Copy !req
225. Anyway, happy birthday, Horse.Copy !req
226. Er... Carrot cake?Copy !req
227. Sorry, I thought you'd like it.Copy !req
228. Well, at least blow out the candles.Copy !req
229. No? Right.Copy !req
230. Course not. Too much like hard work.Copy !req
231. Fine, I'll do it.Copy !req
232. You see? They're trick candles.Copy !req
233. You can't blow them out.Copy !req
234. Would have been more fun
if you'd had a go but... still. Never mind.Copy !req
235. Speech! Speech!Copy !req
236. Speech, speech!Copy !req
237. Speech!Copy !req
238. Speech. Speech.
Speech! Speech! Speech!Copy !req
239. Right, forget it! Forget it!Copy !req
240. We are finished! We're through!Copy !req
241. This is it, Horse!
No more pissing around!Copy !req
242. I'm trying to make some kind of gesture
and you just stand there.Copy !req
243. Well, that's it!Copy !req
244. It was my birthday last week.
Thanks for remembering!Copy !req
245. - Hi, Ray.
- Morning, Colin.Copy !req
246. Before you say another word,
I've noticed all the football stuff.Copy !req
247. Oh, right, yeah, of course.
You're a Spurs fan, aren't you?Copy !req
248. My family are.
I'm not really into football,Copy !req
249. as I said last time you suddenly
remembered you were a Liverpool fanCopy !req
250. 20 seconds after
they'd won the European Cup.Copy !req
251. Spurs, eh? I'm gonna let you off
after what we did you to last week.Copy !req
252. I'm sorry?Copy !req
253. I'll forget you're a Spurs fan
after what we did.Copy !req
254. What you did to me?
You didn't do anything to me.Copy !req
255. We're a man down, you fluke a penalty
but we wallop you in extra time.Copy !req
256. That 92nd minute, mate.
You had it coming.Copy !req
257. Perhaps you've mistaken me
for a professional goalkeeper.Copy !req
258. I wasn't actually on the pitch.Copy !req
259. - We're gonna trolley you in the league.
- We? You weren't on the pitch either.Copy !req
260. You were probably
in the back bar of the Red LionCopy !req
261. watching the game on the TV
with your mother.Copy !req
262. God, she can drink these days.Copy !req
263. The way we're playing,
we're gonna be unstoppable this season.Copy !req
264. For God's sake, shut up!Copy !req
265. 12 points ahead with a game in hand.
You don't stand a chance.Copy !req
266. We're gonna go all the way.Copy !req
267. Can I ask you a question, Colin?Copy !req
268. Do you remember
chasing the GermansCopy !req
269. and we were punched through the
windscreen, fell under that lorryCopy !req
270. but climbed back on
and beat the driver up?Copy !req
271. - What?
- When we were chasing the Nazis.Copy !req
272. They'd stolen the Ark of the Covenant
and we were trying to get it back.Copy !req
273. - You've lost me.
- In "Raiders of the Lost Ark".Copy !req
274. It's a film I like so I've decided that
myself and anyone else who likes itCopy !req
275. was actually in it, taking part.Copy !req
276. Do you like "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?Copy !req
277. - Not particularly.
- Oh, you're not one of us.Copy !req
278. Right, well, at the end, we're tied
to a stake stuck in the ground.Copy !req
279. You open up the Ark of the Covenant
and the wrath of God melts your face.Copy !req
280. No, you can't do that.Copy !req
281. Yes, I can.
I really like that film so I'm in it.Copy !req
282. - That's not the same.
- It's exactly the same.Copy !req
283. I've as much claim to be involved
in "Raiders of the Lost Ark"Copy !req
284. as you've got to be in whatever it was
your football team did.Copy !req
285. You don't understand football.Copy !req
286. I'll admit I don't quite follow how you,
a man who lives over 200 miles awayCopy !req
287. from the ground of your chosen team,
can claim some deep attachmentCopy !req
288. to a bunch of overpaid hired hands
from all four corners of the globeCopy !req
289. who temporarily wear the same shirt
as you're wearing,Copy !req
290. but then maybe I'm a bit slow.Copy !req
291. It must be brain damage from
all the boxing I did in "Raging Bull".Copy !req
292. - How much is this, mate?
- That's a fiver, mate.Copy !req
293. - £5.
- It's the Holy Grail. Take it or leave it.Copy !req
294. Sorry. Did you say
this was the Holy Grail?Copy !req
295. Yes, mate, Holy Grail.
Cup of Christ, fiver.Copy !req
296. All right, sweetheart?
My Little Pony, 50p.Copy !req
297. - This is the Holy Grail?
- Yes, mate.Copy !req
298. Cup from the Last Supper. Drink and
become immortal. I've got a box. Fiver.Copy !req
299. Right, and that works, does it?Copy !req
300. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm immortal.Copy !req
301. Yeah, it's great.Copy !req
302. If you're depressive,
it's not such a good ideaCopy !req
303. but if you love life, it's wicked.
All the videos are 50p, mate.Copy !req
304. - Can I see it working?
- What?Copy !req
305. I bought a stereo over there last week
and that didn't work so...Copy !req
306. Honestly,
there's no trust any more, is there?Copy !req
307. - I don't feel any different.Copy !req
308. Excuse me, mate.Copy !req
309. Brilliant.Copy !req
310. - Will you take four?
- Go on, then.Copy !req
311. Hang on. I'm immortal anyway, now.
I don't need it.Copy !req
312. - No, mate. That'll wear off.
- Immortality that wears off?Copy !req
313. We all have immortality that wears off.
That's just mortality.Copy !req
314. Actually, that's a good point.
I think I'll keep it.Copy !req
315. That bayonet's 20 quid
unless you want me to pull it out.Copy !req
316. Cheers. Thanks, Kate.Copy !req
317. - It's a bit whacky, isn't it?
- It's meant to be.Copy !req
318. For the "man with the wig" sketch.Copy !req
319. - I've got this one underneath.
- Oh, right.Copy !req
320. - Have I got to wear a bald cap as well?
- Afraid so.Copy !req
321. Kate, can I have a quick word?Copy !req
322. - Are you gonna let her do it?
- Don't know what you mean.Copy !req
323. You do know what I mean.Copy !req
324. She's gonna put a wig over a wig,
over a bald cap, over your wig.Copy !req
325. - Sshh! Shut up!
- You're gonna be eight feet tall.Copy !req
326. - Rob...
- Thank God the character isn't a judge.Copy !req
327. - Rob...
- Just tell her about your wig, David.Copy !req
328. She'll understand.Copy !req
329. Rob, there was a very clearly defined
window of opportunity for telling her,Copy !req
330. and it was the first day of shooting
on the first series.Copy !req
331. As you know, I did not take that
opportunity and now after two seriesCopy !req
332. of letting her put wigs over my wig,
that horse has considerably bolted.Copy !req
333. You don't think she knows?
She's a professional make-up artist.Copy !req
334. She spent eight weeks working
with your hair. She'll know.Copy !req
335. I think she probably does.
The crew probably knowsCopy !req
336. and they probably laugh
about me constantly behind my back,Copy !req
337. which means that the only
achievable goal that I have leftCopy !req
338. is to keep that laughter behind my backCopy !req
339. and stop it from spilling over
in front of my faceCopy !req
340. which is what you're saying
her plan would achieve.Copy !req
341. - So just drop it, all right?
- All right. Sorry I spoke.Copy !req
342. Rob, give that back now!Copy !req
343. Come and get it! Come and get it!Copy !req
344. I just thought I'd pop it on myself.Copy !req
345. Easier than you think, isn't it?Copy !req
346. Hello, and you're watching
Numberwang Night here on BBC Two.Copy !req
347. Coming up in an hour,
"Wangs For The Memory",Copy !req
348. where we'll discuss how Numberwang
has been used to combat dementia.Copy !req
349. But first, a history of Numberwang.Copy !req
350. I'm standing on hallowed ground.Copy !req
351. This is the famous
Numberwang basementCopy !req
352. at the BBC.Copy !req
353. In that corner
was the great Alan Turing's deskCopy !req
354. where he sat for many months
after the Second World WarCopy !req
355. tragically trying to de-gay himself
with a laser.Copy !req
356. In more tolerant times,
it was just over there in the late 1960sCopy !req
357. where David Frost reputedly had sex
with a number 11 on a mattress.Copy !req
358. He swears to this day
that it was 16.Copy !req
359. And of course as you all know,
this is the home of Colosson,Copy !req
360. the Numberwang computerCopy !req
361. which calculates whether or not
it is Numberwang.Copy !req
362. That's Numberwang.Copy !req
363. - 8 minus 4.
- That's Numberwang. Simon?Copy !req
364. - 109 times 17.
- That's Numberwang. Julie?Copy !req
365. - 47.
- That's the Numberwang bonus!Copy !req
366. 'Today Numberwang
is a vast global franchiseCopy !req
367. 'like McDonald's, U2 and
the Catholic church all rolled into one.Copy !req
368. 'Who'd guess it came from the relatively
humble beginnings of not yet existing?Copy !req
369. 'All that changed in 1936
here at Cambridge University,Copy !req
370. 'where philosopher
and logician Bertrand RussellCopy !req
371. 'was contemplating
the mysteries of existence.'Copy !req
372. 'I'd spent the morning proving
to myself my chair existedCopy !req
373. 'so that I could sit down,
when it suddenly struck me.'Copy !req
374. How do we really know
whether it is or it is not Numberwang?Copy !req
375. On my desk I saw a jug and in a flash
of inspiration I knew I had solved it.Copy !req
376. Smashing the jug
lest anyone copy my work,Copy !req
377. I went across to the rooms
of my very good friend Wittgenstein.Copy !req
378. I opened the door and I said to him,
quite simply...Copy !req
379. "That's Numberwang."Copy !req
380. As I remember, he cried.Copy !req
381. 'After the publication of Russell's
1,400-page treatise "It Is Numberwang",Copy !req
382. 'it was quickly optioned by the BBC
and turned into a game show.'Copy !req
383. Good evening and welcome
to a new piece of endlessnessCopy !req
384. we're calling "Numberwang".Copy !req
385. 'However,
due to the incredible complexityCopy !req
386. 'of the mathematics involved,
it proved impractical.'Copy !req
387. - Miss Julie?
- Seven.Copy !req
388. We'll just have to check that
with the boffins.Copy !req
389. - Was that Numberwang?
- It'll take a few hours.Copy !req
390. Well, in the meantime, some music.Copy !req
391. 'Fortunately, the war intervened,Copy !req
392. 'and at Bletchley Park
a tremendous discovery was inventedCopy !req
393. 'and simultaneously
a tremendous invention discovered.'Copy !req
394. It's now or never.
Run the sequence.Copy !req
395. Right-o.Copy !req
396. 4, 8, 15, 162, 3420.Copy !req
397. That's Numberwang!Copy !req
398. Good God. It actually works.Copy !req
399. It actually bloody works, you genius.Copy !req
400. You don't suppose we could use
this machine for anything else?Copy !req
401. - Like what?
- I don't know. Um...Copy !req
402. Something to help with the war?Copy !req
403. And so Colosson was born.Copy !req
404. After the war Colosson's creators
supervised the fitting of head,Copy !req
405. arms, legs and laser cannons
in order to transport it to the BBCCopy !req
406. where in 1949 "Numberwang"
returned triumphantly to our screens.Copy !req
407. Ah. Hello, hello.
Welcome to "Numberwang"Copy !req
408. with me, Robert Robinson,Copy !req
409. and the first commercial
Numberwang-solving computer,Copy !req
410. Colosson.Copy !req
411. I am Colosson!Copy !req
412. Indeed you are! Round one.Copy !req
413. - Miss Julie to play first.
- Seven.Copy !req
414. - Could it be Numberwang, Colosson?
- No.Copy !req
415. Aah. Would that it were Numberwang.
Alas, it is not. Mr Simon?Copy !req
416. "'Numberwang" became
the most popular game in BritainCopy !req
417. 'and newspapers got in on the act by
publishing daily puzzles for the readers.'Copy !req
418. - That was a tough one today.
- Yes, tricky.Copy !req
419. - That's Numberwang!
- Oh, damn it, Reg always gets it first.Copy !req
420. 'Numberwang continued to grow in
popularity despite a period in the 1960sCopy !req
421. 'when Colosson attempted
to take over the world.'Copy !req
422. Round two, fish numbers.Copy !req
423. - Julie?
- Eel-leven.Copy !req
424. Let's ask Colosson.Copy !req
425. Where's he gone?Copy !req
426. Oh my God! Colosson's loose!Copy !req
427. I am Colosson! I am Numberwang!
The world is Numberwang!Copy !req
428. Therefore I am the world.
You must all die.Copy !req
429. Luckily, Colosson's designers
had foreseen this eventualityCopy !req
430. and built in a failsafe
whereby Colosson would shut downCopy !req
431. if he was shown a picture of a chicken.Copy !req
432. I am Colosson, I am Numberwang,
the world is Numberwang.Copy !req
433. And so with Colosson
back under control,Copy !req
434. Numberwang established itself
as the best programme ever madeCopy !req
435. and spawned numerous versions
across the globeCopy !req
436. in countries like Australia,
such as New Zealand...Copy !req
437. - It's Numberwang!
- Australia itself...Copy !req
438. Ha ha ha! Oh, mate,
that's Numberwang!Copy !req
439. And even America.Copy !req
440. Yes, that is a number!Copy !req
441. Which is why today,
wherever you go in the world,Copy !req
442. you will always hear people say...
Take it away, Colosson.Copy !req
443. Oh, my God! Colosson's escaped!Copy !req
444. He's loose!
The picture of a chicken!Copy !req
445. Oh, my God!
Where is it? Where is it?Copy !req
446. You are not Numberwang.
You must die.Copy !req
447. Television is not Numberwang.
Television must die.Copy !req