1. Thanks so much
for giving me this opportunity.Copy !req
2. No problemo. We all got a leg-up
somewhere along the line.Copy !req
3. So this is TV format development.
You'll be expected to do whatever.Copy !req
4. Make tea, go out for coffee,
photocopying.Copy !req
5. Brilliant! This is brilliant!Copy !req
6. And just through here,
we've got the mineshaft.Copy !req
7. So you'll divide your time between
helping out the development teamCopy !req
8. and digging for coal in the mine.Copy !req
9. Er, wow.
I... I didn't know you did coal.Copy !req
10. Oh, yeah, always done coal.Copy !req
11. Everyone needs coal.
Coal, you can rely on.Copy !req
12. Coal doesn't turn round and tell you
that "Dick And Dom" aren't very BBC3.Copy !req
13. - Right.
- Now, you'll need these.Copy !req
14. The Blackberry's in case
anyone needs a latte urgently,Copy !req
15. so you can come straight up.Copy !req
16. The canary's to tell you if the mine
is filling up with poisonous gas,Copy !req
17. cos if it is, it'll start to die.Copy !req
18. Right, OK, I mean, I'm not...
This is...Copy !req
19. - I really want this job, it's just...
- Look, this is TV, yeah.Copy !req
20. Maybe one day, you'll be researching
on "Any Dream Will Do".Copy !req
21. But before that, there's a hell of a lot
of mining to get through.Copy !req
22. Oh, he's off his food.Copy !req
23. It's the Helivets!Copy !req
24. - We're the Helivets!
- Where's the pet in peril?Copy !req
25. - And who's the concerned owner?
- I am.Copy !req
26. Don't worry. We'll soon have your gerbil
scampering hither about his cage again.Copy !req
27. It's dead!Copy !req
28. - Moving around in his sandbath...
- It's dead!Copy !req
29. - Chewing up an empty bog roll...
- It's stiff and smelly.Copy !req
30. - We can save him.
- We can't!Copy !req
31. - Come on.
- We're the Helivets.Copy !req
32. Well, the important thing
when writing a sports movieCopy !req
33. is not to get too bogged downCopy !req
34. in the so-called rules of the sport.Copy !req
35. Yeah, this was our first
film-writing project.Copy !req
36. Initially we didn't know where to start,
I suppose we just started typing.Copy !req
37. Yeah, and luckily there's this pop-up
in Microsoft Word that says,Copy !req
38. "You're trying to write a heart-warming
British underdog movie?Copy !req
39. "Would you like some help?" Then
you just enter the names and context.Copy !req
40. So we put "Wimbledon",
but then it popped up,Copy !req
41. "There's already a heart-warming British
underdog movie called 'Wimbledon',Copy !req
42. "are you sure you want to replace it?"Copy !req
43. So we had to think again.Copy !req
44. In the end, we almost deliberately went
for a sport no one knows much about.Copy !req
45. Well, almost deliberately.Copy !req
46. Cos as it turns out, some people
know quite a lot about cricket.Copy !req
47. - Unlike us.
- Yeah.Copy !req
48. 'In a time past hope,
in a world gone to crap,Copy !req
49. 'one man had an idea.'Copy !req
50. Lads, look what I found.Copy !req
51. Calm down, Arthur. There's no point
getting excited about anything.Copy !req
52. The steel mine's closed and we're
on the scrap heap. It's official.Copy !req
53. No, but look.
"Earn big pounds playing cricket."Copy !req
54. Well, it sounds fine, Arthur.Copy !req
55. But cricket, here in Yorkshire?
Don't talk soft.Copy !req
56. Did I hear someone say "cricket"?Copy !req
57. That's a word I've not heard
in a long time.Copy !req
58. What would you know about cricket?Copy !req
59. I only used to coach
the Manchester United team,Copy !req
60. the year they won
the European Cricket Cup.Copy !req
61. But to us you seem like
some mad old drunk?Copy !req
62. That's the other thing about me,
apart from knowing about cricket.Copy !req
63. It was the Ashes. I could've won them.
But I bowled a wide.Copy !req
64. You bowled a wide in the Ashes final?
How can you live with yourself?Copy !req
65. I know!Copy !req
66. Enter the Ashes? You takin' the piss?Copy !req
67. Why not? Arthur's a dab hand
with a silly mid-on,Copy !req
68. and Pete can do follow-ons
like no one's ever seen.Copy !req
69. Come on, let us enter.
We've got stumps in us blood.Copy !req
70. You won't be talking like that when
you face West Indies in the 2nd round.Copy !req
71. They've won the Ashes every year since
they beat the Dallas Cowboys in 1978.Copy !req
72. We'll just have to practise our catching
and throwing and penalties and that.Copy !req
73. Run, run. 10, 10!Copy !req
74. Come on, lads.
You've got to bat more.Copy !req
75. But the bat is so narrow, it's perverse.Copy !req
76. First rule of cricket:
Never call the bat narrow.Copy !req
77. What the bat is, is very, very wide
and very, very short.Copy !req
78. Wow!Copy !req
79. Carry on bowling, and try and do that
thing with your hand and your wristCopy !req
80. where you make it bounce funny.Copy !req
81. 'Welcome to the 200th World Ashes
Cricket Cup between West GermanyCopy !req
82. 'and Pisswiddle Steel Batters,
from Pisswiddle in Yorkshire.Copy !req
83. The Pisswiddle team
very much the underdogs,Copy !req
84. but anyone who saw them
beat Yugoslavia in the semisCopy !req
85. by 400 wickets to 7 runs,
all of it for 8,Copy !req
86. will know that they're not
to be underestimated.Copy !req
87. And West Germany famously
a bunch of cheats.Copy !req
88. As ever.Copy !req
89. No! What are you doing?Copy !req
90. Oh, no!Copy !req
91. Foul! Umpire?Copy !req
92. Now that it's half-time
and it looks like we're about to lose,Copy !req
93. I want to tell you a story.Copy !req
94. I knew a young man who had a dream,
a dream to win the Ashes.Copy !req
95. Ach, ja, ja, ja!Copy !req
96. That young man was me.Copy !req
97. But he bowled a wide and became...Copy !req
98. That is, I bowled a wide
and became a drunk.Copy !req
99. So don't do that!Copy !req
100. Now it's your turns to be the team
that stands in pairs with the batsCopy !req
101. rather than the ones in the spread-out
crowd chucking it around.Copy !req
102. So make the most of that!Copy !req
103. And remember, there's no such thing
as a draw in cricket!Copy !req
104. Yes! Go on, my son.Copy !req
105. These Pisswiddle boys
really can cricket.Copy !req
106. What a run!Copy !req
107. 'This summer, the location
manager of "Billy Elliot"Copy !req
108. 'and the catering staff who brought you
"The Full Monty"...Copy !req
109. Yes! Remember what I taught you!Copy !req
110. No! Not that! That was wrong!Copy !req
111. 'featuring someone
who was nearly in "Brassed Off",Copy !req
112. 'comes a film to touch the child
in all of us.Copy !req
113. 'But not in that way.'Copy !req
114. They're bringing urns and sandwiches
onto the pitch.Copy !req
115. They think it's tea. It is now.Copy !req
116. And this is for the Ashes.Copy !req
117. I can't believe they've done it!
They've actually done it!Copy !req
118. 'In cinemas this summer...Copy !req
119. And remember lads,Copy !req
120. it isn't over until the full number of overs
that are scheduled to be bowled that dayCopy !req
121. have been bowled!Copy !req
122. 'Opening June 25th.'Copy !req
123. Which has all been restored
to how it would've lookedCopy !req
124. when the rooms were originally laid out
in the 18th century.Copy !req
125. I found it.
I found it, you thieving bitch!Copy !req
126. So, is this really your mother's house?Copy !req
127. Dear mama, I keep telling her
to get Sky Plus.Copy !req
128. And this room is still known
as the Hanover BedroomCopy !req
129. as it is believed that George II stayed
here not long after his accession.Copy !req
130. I believed he still remained a friend
of the family for some time after.Copy !req
131. - What are you doing? Security!
- Tell mama I won't be dining tonight.Copy !req
132. You two, out!Copy !req
133. - But we're not having sex!
- I shall report you to my mother.Copy !req
134. Lady House.Copy !req
135. Ginger, I think my Nemesis has
corrupted even my beloved mother.Copy !req
136. 'In a country lacerated by the sharp
shards of broken promises,Copy !req
137. 'in a world bent low by disease, war
and the price of Thunderbird,Copy !req
138. 'who is left to make full account to God
of Britain's depleted moral minibar?Copy !req
139. 'Yes, it's the surprising adventures
of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar.'Copy !req
140. - I'm overtaking, but we're on a hill.
- What, sir?Copy !req
141. Oh, my God. The Rolls.Copy !req
142. Have your Nemesis' henchmen turned it
into an old banger again, sir?Copy !req
143. I think not. This bears all the hallmarks
of the Countess.Copy !req
144. - Countess, we meet again.
- He's got germs!Copy !req
145. This is my valet and handyman Ginger.
A good man in a crisis.Copy !req
146. Thank you, sir. If I get any more sober,
my dead kidney will start to throb again.Copy !req
147. - He's got germs!
- If I may...Copy !req
148. He's got germs!Copy !req
149. Now, Countess, tell me. Are you?
Give that to me.Copy !req
150. He's got germs!Copy !req
151. Are you in league with my Nemesis?Copy !req
152. There's a soggy pack
of Rothman's in that bag.Copy !req
153. - You are!
- He's got germs!Copy !req
154. Ginger, beat the crap out of her.Copy !req
155. I'm sorry, Countess. I'm going
to have to confiscate your jewels.Copy !req
156. He's got germs!Copy !req
157. 'How will I break the unholy alliance
between Countess and my Nemesis?Copy !req
158. 'How will I tell friend from foe,
if not by asking them for a quid?Copy !req
159. 'Is it true if you sneak into the London
Eye they let you sleep there?Copy !req
160. 'Find out in "The Surprising Adventures
of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar".Copy !req
161. This one's just full of dog shit, sir.Copy !req
162. And this is just the birth certificate
of our estranged daughter.Copy !req
163. What a wasted day!Copy !req
164. You think it makes you 19 times
more the man, but it doesn't.Copy !req
165. 'Alan has 19 penises which,
after the watershed, we can show you.Copy !req
166. 'Come on, that's got to be worth a look.'Copy !req
167. To start with, you just think it's normal.Copy !req
168. You think everyone's got 19 penises.Copy !req
169. 'Continuing our "People Who've Grown
Into The Wrong Shape" season,Copy !req
170. 'you get the chance to have a good
old stare without feeling guilty.Copy !req
171. 'That's "The Man Who Had
So Many PenisesCopy !req
172. "'He Was Worth Making A Television
Programme About" later tonight.'Copy !req
173. 'Roll up, roll up.'Copy !req
174. OK, so the RSPCA are looking
for a song to go on their new advert.Copy !req
175. They're trying to catch criminals who've
been letting dogs out of their kennels.Copy !req
176. Basically, someone's let the dogs out,
but they don't know who.Copy !req
177. Can we think of an appropriate song?Copy !req
178. How about "Freedom"
by George Michael?Copy !req
179. "By The Rivers Of Babylon"?Copy !req
180. We need something
to really punch home the ideaCopy !req
181. that these dogs are on the streets
with nowhere to go and nothing to eat.Copy !req
182. "Who Let The Dogs Out"?Copy !req
183. They don't know, that's why
they're putting out the advert.Copy !req
184. Look at it this way, what would
I choose if you'd let the dogs out?Copy !req
185. - If who'd let the dogs out?
- You. If you'd let the dogs out.Copy !req
186. "Please Release Me"?Copy !req
187. Let's leave that and come back to it.
Maybe this one will be easier.Copy !req
188. It's for a TV station, looking for a song
to advertise the film "Roxanne".Copy !req
189. You know, the Steve Martin film,
"Roxanne"?Copy !req
190. No, I'm struggling. Can you give us
something more to go on?Copy !req
191. - It's on a Monday night.
- "Blue Monday"?Copy !req
192. - Like the Monday bit.
- "Roxanne"?Copy !req
193. Yes, the film "Roxanne"
with Darryl Hannah.Copy !req
194. "By The Rivers Of Babylon"?Copy !req
195. Let's revisit that one after lunch.Copy !req
196. OK, this last one is for a documentary.Copy !req
197. Michael Palin is trekking along rivers
near where the Babylonians once lived.Copy !req
198. Anyone?Copy !req
199. "By The Rivers Of Babylon"?Copy !req
200. That's right, he'll be looking
at civilisations from that area.Copy !req
201. Nothing immediately jumps to mind.Copy !req
202. Maybe just a little bit more parsley.Copy !req
203. Perfect.Copy !req
204. That smells amazing.Copy !req
205. You've turned this place around
the last few months.Copy !req
206. You've got the magic touch
when it comes to soup.Copy !req
207. Well, what can I say? It makes a lovely
change from working in robotics.Copy !req
208. Yeah, I bet.Copy !req
209. Oh, I want you to try something.Copy !req
210. Taste one.Copy !req
211. Oh, my God, it's soup.Copy !req
212. That's right. Solid soup.Copy !req
213. Soup you can hold in your hand!Copy !req
214. - Chris, you're a genius!
- Thanks.Copy !req
215. Take an hour off.
Get back for the lunch-time rush.Copy !req
216. Thanks, boss.Copy !req
217. Hey, that's my iPod and copy
of "Perfume" by Patrick Suskind.Copy !req
218. Oh!Copy !req
219. - Sure you're OK to work, Chris?
- Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
220. Needs a bit more zing.Copy !req
221. 'Sure you're OK to work, Chris? '
'Yeah, I'm fine.'Copy !req
222. - What the hell happened, Chris?
- Bad day. I'll be fine tomorrow.Copy !req
223. - You can't smell anymore, can you?
- What?Copy !req
224. Since that guy hit you, you can't smell
your hand in front of your face.Copy !req
225. Don't be ridiculous. I can smell perfectly.Copy !req
226. I can smell that clove of garlic
down there.Copy !req
227. Where?Copy !req
228. Just down here.Copy !req
229. - Yes, I knew I could smell garlic.
- I see.Copy !req
230. Ooh, blimey, Pete,
that's a bit of a fruity guff you just did.Copy !req
231. - Oh, yeah, sorry, boss.
- Oh, bloody hell, Pete.Copy !req
232. Smells like something's crawled up
your arse and died.Copy !req
233. I'm sorry, Chris.Copy !req
234. Nobody farted.Copy !req
235. ♪ Look down, look downCopy !req
236. Well, if I can't smell,
you'll just have to smell for me.Copy !req
237. 'I smell.'Copy !req
238. You smell!Copy !req
239. OK, robot.
Smell and identify the objects.Copy !req
240. 'I obey.Copy !req
241. 'Lost, lost, cannot see.
Can only smell. Help, help, help!Copy !req
242. 'Cannot reach.Copy !req
243. - 'Cheese.'
- Brilliant. It works.Copy !req
244. - 'Cheese.'
- No, flowers.Copy !req
245. Never mind. Let's keep trying.Copy !req
246. - 'Cheese.'
- OK.Copy !req
247. 'Cheese.'Copy !req
248. - 'Petril.'
- It's actually petrol, but good.Copy !req
249. - 'Petril.'
- Oh, bollocks.Copy !req
250. - 'Cheese.'
- Good.Copy !req
251. - 'Petril.'
- Good.Copy !req
252. - 'Petril.'
- Oh...Copy !req
253. OK, let's try this.Copy !req
254. 'Cheese.'Copy !req
255. Well, I suppose that'll have to do.Copy !req
256. - Welcome to "Back To Life...
- "Back To Reality".Copy !req
257. The show that adds an "un"
to the phraseCopy !req
258. "Safe revival of cryogenically
frozen billionaires".Copy !req
259. And an 'ir' to the phrase "Responsible
treatment of re-animated cadavers".Copy !req
260. When cryogenics company "Frozen
Stiff" underwent liquidation this year,Copy !req
261. we became the first TV show ever
to own some frozen peopleCopy !req
262. to make telly fun for you.Copy !req
263. That's right, we literally own their asses.Copy !req
264. When these boys
were frozen in the '40s...Copy !req
265. That's pre-"Hollyoaks", history fans.Copy !req
266. they expected to be defrosted
carefully and when appropriate.Copy !req
267. We haven't got time for that.
We've got a TV show to make.Copy !req
268. Let's look at what these boys have
been up to after being warmed up a bitCopy !req
269. and fiddled about with by the production
team to make them work in...Copy !req
270. - "Back To Life...
- "Back To Reality".Copy !req
271. 'It's the third day in the house and
there's big trouble for Howard P Getty.Copy !req
272. 'He's sprung a leak.'Copy !req
273. 'They're not filled with blood and guts
like you and me.Copy !req
274. 'They're filled with some chemicals
put in by expert chemists specialists.'Copy !req
275. 'Without those chemicals they will die.
You know, properly.'Copy !req
276. 'So we've given the other housemates
the task of fixing Howard.Copy !req
277. 'Cliff Richards, no relation,
has got the box of repairing stuff.'Copy !req
278. 'Our medical team reckon Howard's got
three minutes left, give or take.'Copy !req
279. 'Let's see how they get on.'Copy !req
280. 'Ooh. That's really not gonna help.'Copy !req
281. 'Professor von Straussenberg
has been distracted by a CD.Copy !req
282. 'He's just got no idea what it is.Copy !req
283. 'And look at that.Copy !req
284. 'It seems like a couple of the prof's
fingers have dropped off.'Copy !req
285. 'Walt there, doing his best,
but when you're only a head,Copy !req
286. 'you can't be much more
than an ideas man.Copy !req
287. 'So he's just chewing a Starburst there.'Copy !req
288. 'Being from the '40s,
that's probably his very first Starburst.Copy !req
289. 'Do you remember your first Starburst?
Why not text in about that?Copy !req
290. 'Might as well.'Copy !req
291. 'Looks like time is running out
for poor old Howard.'Copy !req
292. - 'Look at that. He's fixed himself! '
- 'With the professor's fingers! 'Copy !req
293. 'They've made perfect bungs
for his chemical-leaking holes.Copy !req
294. 'Where's the professor? Surely he'd
want to see his loss wasn't in vain? 'Copy !req
295. 'He's tried to refreeze himself.
Unlucky, professor.Copy !req
296. 'You might've been
a Nobel Prize-winning physicist,Copy !req
297. 'but now you're ours.'Copy !req
298. Morning, horse. Lovely day.Copy !req
299. Sorry about yesterday,
I know things got a bit...Copy !req
300. Well, I think we were both...
Anyway, onwards and upwards.Copy !req
301. That's... Where did we get up to?Copy !req
302. Ahem... Right.Copy !req
303. Je m'appelle Horse.Copy !req
304. Je m'appelle Horse.Copy !req
305. OK, so after me. Je...Copy !req
306. Je...
Come on, I know it's early.Copy !req
307. Je m'appelle Ho...Copy !req
308. You're not even trying, are you?
This is why I get a little bit, you know.Copy !req
309. Just... Je, je, je.Copy !req
310. Will you just at least make an effort?
You long-faced sack of shit.Copy !req
311. Je, je.
It's like pulling teeth with you!Copy !req
312. You just don't care, do you?
You don't care at all.Copy !req
313. All the effort I put in.
Je, je, je, je, je... Right, forget it!Copy !req
314. That's fine, you just carry on
feeding your face.Copy !req
315. Don't worry about me!Copy !req
316. No one else makes me like this.
Pig doesn't give me this bollocks!Copy !req
317. Hmm.Copy !req
318. The great advantage is not only
does it taste of chocolate,Copy !req
319. it also works in exactly the same way
as real soil.Copy !req
320. Now, I have to admit to being a little
bit nervous about this next item,Copy !req
321. because the guy we'll be talking to is,
let me tell you, absolutely bonkers.Copy !req
322. - I thought he was on at the end.
- What?Copy !req
323. - The guy who was sectioned.
- Yeah, I'm talking about the comedian.Copy !req
324. Oh, right! I was confused because
later on we have a real schizo on.Copy !req
325. Now our next guest is crazy
in a different and less harrowing way.Copy !req
326. But before we meet him,
let's see a clip of his new show,Copy !req
327. "Two Sugars, S'il Vous Plaît".Copy !req
328. Well, it's been a really tough day
and I'm beginning to wonderCopy !req
329. if that whole drunken bet
was a good idea after all.Copy !req
330. Making a cup of tea for everyone
in Belgium, what was I thinking?Copy !req
331. - Erm, Monsieur?
- Non, merci.Copy !req
332. - Monsieur, tasse de tea?Copy !req
333. Oh, I haven't even looked up
the French word for tea, I'm so crazy.Copy !req
334. Why do I get myself
into these heart-warming scrapes?Copy !req
335. Making a cup of tea for everyone
in Belgium? Crazy idea.Copy !req
336. - I know.
- Where did that all spring from?Copy !req
337. This is all actually Ricky Gervais' fault.
Damn you, Gervais.Copy !req
338. I call him Ricky. I know him.Copy !req
339. No, I was at a party with Ricky Gervais,
who did "The Office" and "Extras",Copy !req
340. and he was talking to me,
which I'm quite used to,Copy !req
341. and a certain amount of drink
had been taken.Copy !req
342. I expect you mean a lot?Copy !req
343. Yeah, that's what I...
I kind of did that joke.Copy !req
344. And I said, God knows
where I get these things from,Copy !req
345. I bet I could make a cup of tea
for everyone in Belgium.Copy !req
346. And Ricky said, "Why?" So obviously
that was a challenge I couldn't ignore.Copy !req
347. Priceless.Copy !req
348. Of course this isn't your first
drunken bet with a famous person, is it?Copy !req
349. No.Copy !req
350. Looking at your books and DVDs,Copy !req
351. there's "Crossing Africa
In A Carrier Bag",Copy !req
352. "Building A Cathedral Out Of Ham",Copy !req
353. "Licking Hilary Clinton's Face".Copy !req
354. My problem is, I have these crazy
but endearingly adolescent ideas,Copy !req
355. then I'm forced to write shows, books
and make TV programmes about them.Copy !req
356. I mean, sometimes I wish
that I could just have the crazy betCopy !req
357. without it furthering
my career in any way,Copy !req
358. but, of course, no one will let me.Copy !req
359. Not least your flatmates, I imagine.Copy !req
360. Cos they all have a tendency
to get involved in drunken betsCopy !req
361. and then publish books
about them as well.Copy !req
362. 'Fraid so, yeah, it did get
a bit crowded in the flatCopy !req
363. when Steve set up
the merchant bank in the bathCopy !req
364. and Pete used camels
instead of the tube for a year,Copy !req
365. and I invited everyone
with the same birthday to live with me.Copy !req
366. Oh, dear.Copy !req
367. Then we had to find somewhere
to put all the money. Ha-ha!Copy !req
368. - 'Time for Master's cheese.'
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
369. No, Cheesoid.
That's not cheese, that's petrol!Copy !req
370. - 'Petril? '
- Yes.Copy !req
371. 'But petril goes in car.'Copy !req
372. Oh, shit!Copy !req
373. Oh, Cheesoid,
you filled the tank with Brie.Copy !req
374. - 'Petril.'
- Shut up.Copy !req
375. 'Sorry, Master. Cheesoid hates self.'Copy !req
376. 'Cheddar status:
10 days to use-by date.Copy !req
377. 'Brie status: 48 hours to use-by date.Copy !req
378. 'Primula status: In tube.Copy !req
379. 'Petril status: Four.Copy !req
380. - 'Petril status: Four.'
- Shut up, Cheesoid!Copy !req
381. 'Hate self, hate self, hate self.'Copy !req
382. Cheesoid?Copy !req
383. - Cheesoid?
- 'Cheesoid kill self.Copy !req
384. 'Cheesoid kill self with petril.'Copy !req
385. 'Why petril not burn? 'Copy !req
386. No, Cheesoid. That's not petrol.Copy !req
387. - 'Petril.'
- Petrol. That's cheese.Copy !req
388. - 'Not petril? '
- No!Copy !req
389. 'Hate self.'Copy !req
390. 'Why Cheesoid exist?
Cheesoid so Ionely.'Copy !req
391. When do the use the kilns?Copy !req
392. I just told you, they don't use kilns.
There are no kilns.Copy !req
393. You're telling me, you don't heat up milk
to turn it into cheese?Copy !req
394. That's exactly what I'm saying. You don't
get cheese just by cooking milk.Copy !req
395. But it was discovered by leaving milk
on a hot stone and it turned into cheese.Copy !req
396. That isn't true.Copy !req
397. That's how they used to store it
when they had too much milk.Copy !req
398. - They didn't have fridges, David.
- I accept that, Rob.Copy !req
399. So how did they turn the cheese
back into milk? They needed the kilns!Copy !req
400. You can't turn cheese back into milk.Copy !req
401. Apply heat to cheese and you get
melted cheese, not milk!Copy !req
402. You don't know what
you're talking about!Copy !req
403. - I know how cheese is made.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
404. Yes. You take milk and then you leave it
to not ferment exactly...Copy !req
405. You scrape off...
You separate the curds and whey.Copy !req
406. - This isn't a nursery rhyme, David.
- Then you leave it till...Copy !req
407. You put it in the kiln until it forms
a hard skin so it doesn't fall to bits.Copy !req
408. Cheese doesn't form its own skin,
they put the skin on.Copy !req
409. - They put the skin on?
- Yes!Copy !req
410. Did you hear what you said?
They put the skin on.Copy !req
411. Oh, so you think Edam has a red skin
because of the temperature it's baked?Copy !req
412. I'm not claiming to be a fucking scientist,
David!Copy !req
413. I just know they...
How do they put the skin on?Copy !req
414. I don't know how
they put the fucking skin on!Copy !req
415. - What are we talking about then?
- I didn't start it.Copy !req
416. - You've got a problem, mate.
- You've got a problem...Copy !req
417. Lot of anger. Lot of anger.
Lot of anger! You've got a...Copy !req