1. Done. What was my time?Copy !req
2. It was very fast.Copy !req
3. All right.Copy !req
4. It's time to oil
the hinges on the front door, huh?Copy !req
5. - Time me.
- And... go!Copy !req
6. Yeah, I'm not...
I'm not even using the stopwatch.Copy !req
7. He's moving around pretty good
after his little accident.Copy !req
8. Oh, you mean
when you ran over him with your bike?Copy !req
9. Gosh, are you ever gonna
let me live that down?Copy !req
10. It was two days ago.
He still has a tire track on his hip.Copy !req
11. Wow, it is rainin'
tits and livers out there.Copy !req
12. This rain is never gonna let up.Copy !req
13. I was supposed to donate
all our old junk today, but now I can't.Copy !req
14. Oh, the church won't mind
if your stuff is wet.Copy !req
15. I gave 'em a box of old bras
that were covered in caramel,Copy !req
16. and they were thrilled.Copy !req
17. Yeah, no. Now that it's raining,
Red won't leave the house,Copy !req
18. and he never lets me get rid of anything.Copy !req
19. If he paid four dollars
for a can opener in 1975,Copy !req
20. he wants to be buried with it.Copy !req
21. I had a uncle that was buried
in a Packers helmet,Copy !req
22. but that was just because
we couldn't get it off.Copy !req
23. - Did you hear the front door open?
- No.Copy !req
24. Exactly.Copy !req
25. Because we have
the quietest hinges on the block.Copy !req
26. And the Kowalskis can suck it!Copy !req
27. So... what else is on the fritz?Copy !req
28. Red, you should come help me.Copy !req
29. The kids have been home all summer
trashin' my house.Copy !req
30. I could keep you busy for hours.Copy !req
31. Oh, that is a great idea.Copy !req
32. Yeah. The other day,
a doorknob fell off in my hand,Copy !req
33. and now that's just
a room we don't go in anymore.Copy !req
34. Oh shoot.Copy !req
35. We had a fish in there.Copy !req
36. Red, you love to flush a dead fish.Copy !req
37. But he's gonna
have to fix the toilet first.Copy !req
38. It makes a sound like this when you flush.Copy !req
39. Take me there!Copy !req
40. Thank you.Copy !req
41. I'm sorry you have to see
this disgusting hickey I got from Jay.Copy !req
42. I... I'm so embarrassed.Copy !req
43. Leia, there's literally nothing there.Copy !req
44. No, no, no. Get up close.Copy !req
45. It's... It's so gross.Copy !req
46. She wants a big song and dance,
but we are not giving it to her.Copy !req
47. I'm still getting used to
you and Jay being an official thing.Copy !req
48. It's like when I found out
that dogs got periods.Copy !req
49. And I was like, "Huh?"Copy !req
50. The fact that you even think
you have a hickeyCopy !req
51. means that Jay's mouth was on your neck.Copy !req
52. - So stuff's happening?
- Stuff's happening.Copy !req
53. I got this big guy last nightCopy !req
54. while we were cuddled up on a beanbag
under a blanket.Copy !req
55. Oh, I see.Copy !req
56. - So did you touch it?
- Touch what?Copy !req
57. You don't ask that if you touched it.Copy !req
58. Oh, it?Copy !req
59. - Why would you even say that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
60. Blanket plus bean bag
usually equals touching it.Copy !req
61. It's simple sex math.Copy !req
62. I didn't know, um,
things mean other things.Copy !req
63. Everything means something, Leia.Copy !req
64. Don't start this with her.Copy !req
65. Leia, there are no rules to any of this.
Don't let them get in your head.Copy !req
66. Thank you, Gwen.Copy !req
67. Just to be clear, I'm not gonna touch it.Copy !req
68. - D'you think he thinks I'm gonna touch it?
- Touch what?Copy !req
69. The sky! With our... dreams.Copy !req
70. This is why I hate rain.Copy !req
71. Just close it.Copy !req
72. Oh.Copy !req
73. Good call, babe.Copy !req
74. One, two, three, four!Copy !req
75. Hello, Wisconsin!Copy !req
76. Now you've got me thinking about
everything I've done with Jay.Copy !req
77. Like, the other night, we shared
a pudding cup. What does that mean?Copy !req
78. - Wait, one spoon or two?
- One.Copy !req
79. You might be pregnant.Copy !req
80. Ah. Who wants to try some fancy candy?Copy !req
81. My dad sent me
a whole box of cool stuff from Japan.Copy !req
82. He plays baseball over there.
Kind of a big deal.Copy !req
83. He's the oldest player in the league.Copy !req
84. He does adult diaper commercials
over there.Copy !req
85. I don't get why that's not cool.Copy !req
86. Don't mind me, kids.Copy !req
87. I'm just gonna grab
some of Red's junk from the back.Copy !req
88. I was never here.Copy !req
89. That's where we keep the stash.Copy !req
90. It's cool. Last time I hid it in this.Copy !req
91. No one's gonna look in here
'cause they don't have a dog anymore.Copy !req
92. Oh, oh. This has to go.
We don't have a dog anymore.Copy !req
93. Granny has the stash!Copy !req
94. - Why did you just give it to her?
- What was I supposed to do, Gwen?Copy !req
95. Not give it to her!Copy !req
96. Hang on, hang on.Copy !req
97. I've always got your back, bro.Copy !req
98. But not now. That was terrible.Copy !req
99. Look, it's not a problem.Copy !req
100. I'll just go get it.Copy !req
101. Mrs. Forman, you have
a lot of identical boxes.Copy !req
102. Oh, this isn't even the half of it.
You should see the garage.Copy !req
103. We have a big problem.Copy !req
104. Which requires a big solution.Copy !req
105. Does anybody have one?Copy !req
106. We need to split up and look for it.Copy !req
107. Nikki and I will take upstairs.Copy !req
108. No, if you two are alone,
you're just gonna find some dark cornerCopy !req
109. to hump all over each other.Copy !req
110. Fine, Jay and I can go together.Copy !req
111. If you guys are together,
you'll just talk aboutCopy !req
112. your favorite sex scenes
in Jean-Claude Van Damme movies.Copy !req
113. - Lionheart.
- Bloodsport.Copy !req
114. Hard Target!Copy !req
115. Nate and I will go upstairs.Copy !req
116. Ozzie, you and Jay
go through the boxes in the garage.Copy !req
117. - Yeah, Leia and I will look down here.
- But we know it's not down here.Copy !req
118. Then I guess we're done.Copy !req
119. Don't worry, Leia.
I'm the right man for this job.Copy !req
120. What the hell was that?Copy !req
121. What? I kissed my boyfriend.Copy !req
122. No. What were you doing with your arms?Copy !req
123. They were sticking out behind you
like a ski jumper.Copy !req
124. You got in my head, and now I don't know
what means what or... where to touch him.Copy !req
125. Whatever. We have way bigger things
to worry about now.Copy !req
126. I don't think we do!Copy !req
127. Do you know what we should do?Copy !req
128. We should go to the cops and ask to borrow
one of those drug-sniffing dogs.Copy !req
129. How are we even related?Copy !req
130. We have the same mom.Copy !req
131. Why do you always ask me that?Copy !req
132. Aww!Copy !req
133. You kids came up here to help me.Copy !req
134. You are so sweet.Copy !req
135. And you, I really need
your muscles right now.Copy !req
136. Mrs. Forman, I...Copy !req
137. I have a girlfriend.Copy !req
138. Oh please.Copy !req
139. You wouldn't know what to do with this.Copy !req
140. No. Red has a giant wooden moose
in the upstairs closet.Copy !req
141. And I've been trying
to get rid of it for years,Copy !req
142. but it's too heavy for me to lift.Copy !req
143. Oh sure. Don't ask me
because you need a man to help.Copy !req
144. Oh, calm down, Eleanor Roosevelt.Copy !req
145. I just want the stupid thing
out of the house.Copy !req
146. Okay.Copy !req
147. Go get the moose,
and I'll keep helping down here.Copy !req
148. On it.Copy !req
149. Can you describe this wooden moose to me?Copy !req
150. It's a moose.Copy !req
151. But made of wood.Copy !req
152. I'll do my best.Copy !req
153. This sucks.Copy !req
154. Yesterday I was totally comfortable
kissing Jay.Copy !req
155. Now you look like a baby
that doesn't want to get picked up.Copy !req
156. I know what I did!Copy !req
157. Oh, I'm sorry. I feel bad.Copy !req
158. I was trying to give you advice,
not break your brain.Copy !req
159. I need advice.Copy !req
160. Jay has a lot of experience.Copy !req
161. The closest I've come to having sexCopy !req
162. is when I got a front wedgie
on a Slip 'N Slide.Copy !req
163. Yeah. You gotta go headfirst.Copy !req
164. I did.Copy !req
165. My friend's mom is a mechanical engineer.Copy !req
166. She was baffled.Copy !req
167. Look, don't overthink it.Copy !req
168. Just do what comes naturally.
Except don't touch his hair.Copy !req
169. If I go near Nate's hair,
it flips a switch in his pants.Copy !req
170. There's a switch?Copy !req
171. These boys are so complicated!Copy !req
172. They're really not.Copy !req
173. Just put your hands on his hips.Copy !req
174. It's close enough to the good stuff
so he knows that you're interested,Copy !req
175. but far enough away
so he knows you're not making a move.Copy !req
176. Got it.Copy !req
177. Lips are for hips
like zippers are for zips.Copy !req
178. It's how I learned my state capitals.Copy !req
179. Never do that again.Copy !req
180. - Jackpot.
- You found it?Copy !req
181. No, I found a whole box
of old Halloween costumes.Copy !req
182. I think this is supposed to be a bee.Copy !req
183. Oh, Mrs. Forman, bless your heart.
You tried.Copy !req
184. Ozzie, stop messing around.
We're not playing dress-up.Copy !req
185. Then take off that old jacket you found.Copy !req
186. Come on. Makes me look
like Christian Slater.Copy !req
187. We must be thinking of
different Christian Slaters.Copy !req
188. Oh look!Copy !req
189. Oh! Sweet. You found it.Copy !req
190. You have had quite the adventure today,
little baggie. Let's get you home.Copy !req
191. - What are you doing in my garage?
- Uh...Copy !req
192. We were... waiting for you.Copy !req
193. You're late.Copy !req
194. Tell us about your day, Mr. Forman.Copy !req
195. All right, this is when you leave.Copy !req
196. And give me that jacket.Copy !req
197. I paid full price for that thing
at Sears in 1964.Copy !req
198. Get out of my garage.Copy !req
199. You're basement people!Copy !req
200. - Is this it?
- No, it's the other one.Copy !req
201. Oh, my bad.Copy !req
202. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.Copy !req
203. You can't do that with him.Copy !req
204. - That is big.
- And heavy.Copy !req
205. And stupid.Copy !req
206. Wait... That's the shirt my dad sent me.Copy !req
207. You got stuff all over it and cut it up.Copy !req
208. It's too small for you, anyway.
Just like our shower.Copy !req
209. I hear you banging around in there
like a bear that fell in a dumpster.Copy !req
210. I take an athletic shower.Copy !req
211. And don't try to change the subject.
You can't just touch my stuff.Copy !req
212. You mean like this? And this? And this?Copy !req
213. - Quit it, Gwen!
- Okay, I understand why you're fighting.Copy !req
214. He... He does this to people.Copy !req
215. Let's just get him out!Copy !req
216. Get him out!Copy !req
217. - You're gonna pay.
- You're being an idiot.Copy !req
218. Your face is being an idiot.Copy !req
219. - That doesn't even make sense.
- Yeah. It doesn't.Copy !req
220. Red... has the stash.Copy !req
221. Cool, cool. Yeah. Um, hang on one second.Copy !req
222. So what do we do now?Copy !req
223. It's okay.Copy !req
224. He doesn't even know he has it yet.Copy !req
225. Right, Ozzie?Copy !req
226. Has what?Copy !req
227. I'm just a sweet innocent kid who got
caught up with some no-good riffraff.Copy !req
228. You save-yourself son of a bitch.Copy !req
229. I respect that.Copy !req
230. - Now, go get it.
- We will.Copy !req
231. I just... wanted to come say goodbye to Leia
in case I never saw her again.Copy !req
232. Aww.Copy !req
233. Are we doing this?Copy !req
234. Uh...Copy !req
235. Mm-hmm...Copy !req
236. Leia... move your hands.Copy !req
237. And we're back to that.Copy !req
238. Hi, Sherri. Listen.
I'm gonna need more time.Copy !req
239. I don't know how much more I can stall.
He's done everything.Copy !req
240. I think my hinges are quieter than yours.Copy !req
241. Well... I doubt that.Copy !req
242. Just... Just make something up. Bye.Copy !req
243. What?Copy !req
244. I think I just saw a mouse.
It was big. It looked half-rat!Copy !req
245. Well, it's about to be all dead.Copy !req
246. Well, there's my big, strong boy.Copy !req
247. Again... I'm spoken for.Copy !req
248. Oh.Copy !req
249. What a shame.Copy !req
250. - Look what I took from under your pillow.
- What are you doing with that?Copy !req
251. She looks all tough,
but she can't fall asleepCopy !req
252. without Frankie the Blankie.Copy !req
253. He needs me too.Copy !req
254. You touch my stuff,
Frankie gets butt-flossed.Copy !req
255. - Frankie!
- Hey.Copy !req
256. - Get off!
- No!Copy !req
257. Fine. Then I'm going to the bathroom.Copy !req
258. - Eww! I hate you!
- I hate you!Copy !req
259. I hate you!Copy !req
260. There it is.
Let's grab it and get out of here.Copy !req
261. Wait! This feels too easy.
What if it's a trap?Copy !req
262. You've seen too many car...Copy !req
263. It's a trap!Copy !req
264. I knew it!Copy !req
265. Freeze!Copy !req
266. Damn it!Copy !req
267. Ow!Copy !req
268. This place is hell!Copy !req
269. This is almost as bad as
the Slip 'N Slide incident.Copy !req
270. My neighbor Connie had to coach me throughCopy !req
271. getting it out.Copy !req
272. Wow. My neighbors don't even wave hello.Copy !req
273. I hate how weird everything is.Copy !req
274. I wish I could just fast-forward
to where you and Nate are.Copy !req
275. Where, like, things are easy.Copy !req
276. Believe me, it's not always easy.Copy !req
277. Nate and I aren't really
on the same page about our futures.Copy !req
278. Now, we're having
the dumbest fights about everything.Copy !req
279. Like what to do if there's a tornado.Copy !req
280. I say hide in a basement.Copy !req
281. He wants to ride one.Copy !req
282. I'm just saying,
things are never going to be perfect.Copy !req
283. And as for what happened with Jay,
sure, it was bad.Copy !req
284. But it's not gonna be
as bad as when we tell everyone.Copy !req
285. Thanks.Copy !req
286. - We got it.
- You did?Copy !req
287. Might have cost me a toe.Copy !req
288. I'm afraid to look, but my sock feels wet.Copy !req
289. Hey, so, about earlier.Copy !req
290. What? I don't even know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
291. Uh, that's all he talked about.Copy !req
292. I just got in my head about us,
and I'm worried I made things weird.Copy !req
293. Can we just forget about it
and go back to the way it was?Copy !req
294. Like when you gave me this huge hickey?Copy !req
295. - Where is it again?
- The point is...Copy !req
296. I just want things to be
fun and comfortable again.Copy !req
297. Well... I want what you want.Copy !req
298. Good, because this is what I want.Copy !req
299. Ew, your toe!Copy !req
300. Ooh, I wanna see.Copy !req
301. You kissed my ear.Copy !req
302. Stop turning!Copy !req
303. Stop breathing on me.Copy !req
304. Okay, that's enough.Copy !req
305. What's your problem? Come on. Chop-chop.Copy !req
306. Fine.Copy !req
307. That wasn't just any shirt.
It's from my dad.Copy !req
308. - But it didn't even fit you.
- It doesn't matter.Copy !req
309. He went out and bought it
and... and put it in the box.Copy !req
310. His hands were on it.Copy !req
311. You wouldn't understand.
You see your dad way more than I do.Copy !req
312. Yeah, but I still miss him.Copy !req
313. I only ever get to see him when he comes
through town on his way to another city.Copy !req
314. Circus performer?Copy !req
315. How is that your first guess?Copy !req
316. He's a truck driver.Copy !req
317. But, Nate, if I'd known how you felt,
I never would have touched it.Copy !req
318. Or cut it up.Copy !req
319. Or let cars run over it
to make it look vintage.Copy !req
320. It's fine. It's dumb.Copy !req
321. No, it's not dumb.Copy !req
322. It sucks for both of us.Copy !req
323. You idiot. You made me cry.Copy !req
324. - I hate you.
- I hate you too.Copy !req
325. I miss my dad too.Copy !req
326. He took me to the dog track
on my tenth birthday.Copy !req
327. And he gave me a sip of his beer,Copy !req
328. and I barfed up my popcorn,Copy !req
329. and it still looked like popcorn.Copy !req
330. Red's coming! He's right behind me!Copy !req
331. He's got that cane,
so maybe we've got some time.Copy !req
332. Nate, moose, now.Copy !req
333. Let me help you.Copy !req
334. - Thanks, sis.
- I got you, big bro.Copy !req
335. Why are my kids being nice?
Did they get into your wine?Copy !req
336. No. We... We had an emotional moment.Copy !req
337. They both were missing their dads.Copy !req
338. Oh.Copy !req
339. Man, that's always a gut punch.Copy !req
340. No. It wasn't the end of the world.Copy !req
341. No, no. Nate's father sent him a T-shirt.
It was too small.Copy !req
342. Gwen took it. It's okay now.Copy !req
343. Frickin' Brian.Copy !req
344. I try to do whatever I can
to make sure my kids never feel bad,Copy !req
345. but sometimes things
slip through my cracks.Copy !req
346. That's... That's a lot of numbers.Copy !req
347. Brian, it's me.Copy !req
348. What the hell do I care
what time it is in Japan?Copy !req
349. I'm in Wisconsin.Copy !req
350. Yeah, I...Copy !req
351. You need to send your son
a shirt that actually fits.Copy !req
352. He's as tall as your sister now.Copy !req
353. And tell that broad in your bed
to close her mouth.Copy !req
354. I can hear her snorin'!Copy !req
355. She's on the phone with Japan.Copy !req
356. Japan?Copy !req
357. Sayonara.Copy !req
358. Now, this is you spend a dainy ray.Copy !req
359. Rainy dray.Copy !req
360. Day.Copy !req
361. Hey, be careful.Copy !req
362. It's bad luck to open a brella inside.Copy !req
363. Hold up.Copy !req
364. Say that word again.Copy !req
365. Brella.Copy !req
366. Like, when it's raining, and Mom can
never remember what they're called,Copy !req
367. and she's always like,
"Take your, um... brella."Copy !req
368. No way!Copy !req
369. Brella.Copy !req
370. Wait, is he hot?Copy !req
371. Uh...Copy !req
372. Yeah.Copy !req
373. Hey, it stopped raining.Copy !req
374. She's right. Let's get outta here.Copy !req
375. Do you guys remember coming out here?Copy !req
376. No.Copy !req
377. But I'm glad we did.
It ended up being a pretty solid day.Copy !req
378. I hope this never ends.Copy !req
379. Kids, your school schedules came!Copy !req
380. Summer is finally over.Copy !req
381. All this is gonna end.Copy !req