1. Pulled over by the cops 20 minutes after
we gave you the Vista Cruiser?Copy !req
2. Who could have pulled off
something like that?Copy !req
3. Only a criminal mastermind
without the mind.Copy !req
4. A Kelso.Copy !req
5. Trouble just follows them, honey.Copy !req
6. They're like those frogs
in the rainforest.Copy !req
7. Colorful and pretty,Copy !req
8. but if you lick them,
all your skin falls off and you die.Copy !req
9. I'm sorry, but can we just stop
for a second?Copy !req
10. Because how cute is this
that we are holding hands?Copy !req
11. It finally happened, you guys!Copy !req
12. Grandpa, I know this looks bad,
but we only got pulled overCopy !req
13. because the car had
license plates from 1980.Copy !req
14. She's right, Mr. Forman.Copy !req
15. Sometimes, if you're searching for blame,Copy !req
16. it's best to look inward.Copy !req
17. My foot's about to go inward your ass.Copy !req
18. You can't set him up like that.Copy !req
19. I know we're off to a rough start,
but give me a chance.Copy !req
20. Someday, this frog
is gonna turn into a butterfly.Copy !req
21. I'm getting stupider standing here.Copy !req
22. You are banned from this house. Get out.Copy !req
23. What? No!Copy !req
24. Honey. Honey.Copy !req
25. Let go of the frog.Copy !req
26. - One, two, three, four!Copy !req
27. Hello, Wisconsin!Copy !req
28. The Kool-Aid Man?Copy !req
29. That's the tattoo you wanna get?Copy !req
30. The key is to not overthink it.Copy !req
31. Mission accomplished.Copy !req
32. Jay, I miss you, and I feel so bad
you can't be here for all the fun.Copy !req
33. Gwen and Ozzie are talking.Copy !req
34. Nikki's chewing gum.Copy !req
35. And Nate's adjusting his junk.Copy !req
36. You need more powder, babe.Copy !req
37. Summer's the worst season for your junk.Copy !req
38. Hey. Can I talk to him?Copy !req
39. Just come over, bro.Copy !req
40. Leia's grandma's at the dentist.
Red's stuck at the DMV.Copy !req
41. Damn it. I miss you too.Copy !req
42. - He's coming over.
- He is?Copy !req
43. I gotta shave my pits!Copy !req
44. Uh, what?Copy !req
45. That was Nikki. Bye!Copy !req
46. Gwen. Help me.Copy !req
47. Boyfriend, day one.Copy !req
48. Oh, I gotta take off too.Copy !req
49. I'm meeting my SAT tutor in 20 minutes.Copy !req
50. Again with that guy?Copy !req
51. But you're already so smart.
You helped me escape from that trampoline.Copy !req
52. Babe, I need to ace the SATs,
get into a good college, cure a disease,Copy !req
53. and have my face on a stamp
so my enemies can lick it.Copy !req
54. She's spending a lot of time
with that tutor guy.Copy !req
55. Is someone feeling jealous?Copy !req
56. No, I am.Copy !req
57. I mean, she's with this guy all the time.Copy !req
58. Do you think I have
anything to worry about?Copy !req
59. Tough to answer without knowing
who the guy is, but, knowing you,Copy !req
60. maybe.Copy !req
61. I know, right?Copy !req
62. If it's really bothering you,
let's check this guy out.Copy !req
63. Nah, I should just trust her.Copy !req
64. Nate, I watch a lot of talk shows,
and I've learned two things.Copy !req
65. People cheat.Copy !req
66. And once a ho, always a ho.Copy !req
67. I'm so happy you're here.Copy !req
68. It's gonna be okay.
Take three steps forward.Copy !req
69. I can't. What if Red comes home?Copy !req
70. He is just being smart, Gwen.Copy !req
71. Smart and hot and brave.Copy !req
72. - I'm not scared of somebody's grandpa.Copy !req
73. Holy hell! I was just
trying to scooch by ya,Copy !req
74. not scare the Milk Duds
out of all of us.Copy !req
75. Hi, Ms. Runck.
Sorry, but my grandma's not home.Copy !req
76. I know. I gotta pick her up at the dentist
soon because she's gonna be zonked.Copy !req
77. But I thought I'd pop over first
and do a little grocery shoppin'.Copy !req
78. So much easier than going
all the way down to the store, ya know?Copy !req
79. Mom!Copy !req
80. - Grab me some yogurts.
- Oh.Copy !req
81. Oh, you know it's the beginning
of a relationshipCopy !req
82. when the guy still goes outside
to cut the cheese.Copy !req
83. Jay, just come in.Copy !req
84. - I missed you so much.
- Missed you too.Copy !req
85. What? He just get back
from Iraq or something?Copy !req
86. They've been apart for one day.
Her grandpa banned him from the house.Copy !req
87. Sounds like Red's being
a hard-ass like my dad.Copy !req
88. He never believed in me.Copy !req
89. Sometimes I wonder
if that might've screwed me up.Copy !req
90. No.Copy !req
91. Aw, that's nice, hon,
but I really think he did.Copy !req
92. The point is, adults should be
more understanding. You know?Copy !req
93. I mean, just throwing rules out at kids
is not the answer.Copy !req
94. So you'll sign off on me getting a tattoo?Copy !req
95. Sorry, lady.Copy !req
96. I'm fine with you making mistakes,
but not permanent ones.Copy !req
97. Tattoos, babies, and DUIs,
the unholy trinity.Copy !req
98. Wait, isn't the dentist
like five minutes away?Copy !req
99. Jay, why don't we go pick up my grandma?Copy !req
100. I know this isn't
the sexiest thing I've ever said,Copy !req
101. but I'm pretty sure
your grandpa can kick my ass.Copy !req
102. But it would show him
how responsible you are.Copy !req
103. Yeah, and while you're at it,
you gotta let Red knowCopy !req
104. that you're tired of him judging ya.Copy !req
105. And still, to this day,
making you feel unworthy, disrespected,Copy !req
106. and like you're not a good mom!Copy !req
107. I feel like that wasn't all about us.Copy !req
108. We have to try something.Copy !req
109. Can we borrow your car?Copy !req
110. Don't know if I should get
between you and your grandpa.Copy !req
111. - We'll fill it up with gas.
- Here's my keys.Copy !req
112. I'll stay here
and finish up my grocery shopping.Copy !req
113. I know you're worried,
but all we have to doCopy !req
114. is pick up my sweet, sedated grandma.Copy !req
115. Your turn!Copy !req
116. Big finish!Copy !req
117. Gwen, stop encouraging her!Copy !req
118. But this is fun.Copy !req
119. She's high as a kite that's also on drugs.Copy !req
120. Grandma, can you please just chill out?Copy !req
121. Boo!Copy !req
122. - Yeah. Yeah. Boo!
- Boo!Copy !req
123. - Wait. We just passed a tattoo shop. Stop!
- Forget it, Gwen.Copy !req
124. My only job is to get her home safe.
Okay? I'm not stopping for anything.Copy !req
125. - Red light!Copy !req
126. - Come on.Copy !req
127. This is my chance.Copy !req
128. Your grandma's out of it.
She'll sign the release.Copy !req
129. Right, Mrs. Forman?
You want me to get a tattoo, don't you?Copy !req
130. Yeah. And then let's steal a boat
and go to Vegas.Copy !req
131. No. We're going home,
we're putting Grandma to bed,Copy !req
132. and we're showing my grandpa
that Jay is a responsible human being.Copy !req
133. - Guess who?
- Oh my God!Copy !req
134. - Oh my God!Copy !req
135. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
136. We'll be quick.Copy !req
137. Later, nerds.Copy !req
138. Nik?Copy !req
139. What?Copy !req
140. You? Here?Copy !req
141. I mean, whoa!Copy !req
142. Now? How? What? Weird!Copy !req
143. I told you I was gonna be here.Copy !req
144. Right. Right, with your tutor.Copy !req
145. I totally forgot about him. Where is he?Copy !req
146. Oh, Trevor? Here he comes.Copy !req
147. Holy sh—Copy !req
148. Trevor, this is my boyfriend, Nate.Copy !req
149. "Boyfriend"?Copy !req
150. More like "manfriend."
I can't grow any hair on my face,Copy !req
151. but from the waist down,
it is wall-to-wall carpeting.Copy !req
152. And I'm Ozzie.Copy !req
153. My pediatrician said I'll be 6'2".Copy !req
154. - Oh. I've heard a lot about you.Copy !req
155. Nikki tells me
you're on the football team?Copy !req
156. Yeah, but we couldn't do itCopy !req
157. without guys like you
in the stands cheering us on. So…Copy !req
158. Actually, Trevor got
a football scholarship to Notre Dame.Copy !req
159. Not that he needs it.
His dad's a congressman.Copy !req
160. God bless America.Copy !req
161. Well, this is fun.Copy !req
162. And normal.Copy !req
163. Thanks for stopping by, but we really
need to get back to studying.Copy !req
164. Oh yeah. Super busy day on our end too.Copy !req
165. Ozzie's… lizard is sick,
and I have to help with the pills.Copy !req
166. They go in the butt.Copy !req
167. Okay, cool.Copy !req
168. Nice to meet you, Nate.
Nice to meet you, Ozzie.Copy !req
169. I'm 25.Copy !req
170. You're screwed.Copy !req
171. What's taking so long?Copy !req
172. Aw, we said that at the same time.
We're adorable.Copy !req
173. I can't do adorable right now.Copy !req
174. If your grandpa beats us home…Copy !req
175. - He's…
- Gonna kill us.Copy !req
176. Okay, that was cute.Copy !req
177. Finally.Copy !req
178. - Let's see it.
- Oh, I bailed on the tattoo.Copy !req
179. Some lady cut in front of me,
and it was taking forever.Copy !req
180. I got a tattoo!Copy !req
181. To Vegas!Copy !req
182. So I was right.Copy !req
183. That Trevor dude is
obviously trying to seduce Nikki.Copy !req
184. I don't think he needs to try very hard.Copy !req
185. How am I gonna save my relationship?Copy !req
186. He's hot. He's smart.Copy !req
187. He doesn't owe Nikki 70 bucks.Copy !req
188. I got it.Copy !req
189. I'll go kick his ass. Duh!Copy !req
190. So you're the "let's bring him out" guy.Copy !req
191. The what guy?Copy !req
192. There's one on every talk show.Copy !req
193. The host says, "Let's bring him out."Copy !req
194. Everyone boos.Copy !req
195. Then he says, "You don't know me."Copy !req
196. Have you never seen a talk show?Copy !req
197. - Ozzie! Ozzie! Ozzie!Copy !req
198. Welcome back!Copy !req
199. Today, we have Nikki and Trevor.Copy !req
200. Aww!Copy !req
201. They may look like the perfect couple,Copy !req
202. but somebody has a problem with that.Copy !req
203. Let's bring him out.Copy !req
204. Boo!Copy !req
205. Hey, you don't know me! You don't know me!Copy !req
206. Nate.Copy !req
207. Why don't you tell us
what's gotten you so upset?Copy !req
208. That's my girlfriend,
and now she's hanging out with this chump,Copy !req
209. and suddenly I'm not good enough for her.Copy !req
210. Nikki?Copy !req
211. Nate's fine, but… Trevor stimulates
my mind and my body.Copy !req
212. - Both?Copy !req
213. That's impossible!Copy !req
214. Not for me.Copy !req
215. Nate, stop.Copy !req
216. I'm done playing around.
Nik, you need to make a choice.Copy !req
217. Is it him? Or is it me?Copy !req
218. Oh, then him.Copy !req
219. This guy?Copy !req
220. You don't know him.Copy !req
221. You don't know him.Copy !req
222. Shut up! You don't know me!Copy !req
223. - You don't know me!Copy !req
224. Nobody knows you.Copy !req
225. Stop saying that.Copy !req
226. I need to talk to Nikki.Copy !req
227. - And what are you gonna say to her?
- This is getting weird, dude.Copy !req
228. We'll be right back.Copy !req
229. A tattoo?Copy !req
230. I don't even wear waterproof mascara.Copy !req
231. Red's gonna kill me.Copy !req
232. Gwen.Copy !req
233. I know. But I stopped her
from getting a barbed wire tramp stamp.Copy !req
234. So you're welcome.Copy !req
235. Grandma, I am so sorry.
None of this was supposed to happen.Copy !req
236. How are you cooking dinner now?Copy !req
237. It is helping me deal with the stress
of waking up with a flipping tattoo!Copy !req
238. What's the emergency?Copy !req
239. D'you run out of eggs?
'Cause I don't know how that happened.Copy !req
240. Look what happened at the dentist.Copy !req
241. Holy crapola!Copy !req
242. I heard of them feeling you up
when you're out, but this crosses a line.Copy !req
243. My mother would be rolling in her grave,Copy !req
244. if we hadn't spread her ashesCopy !req
245. in the parking lot
of the Sizzler by her church.Copy !req
246. Did you get one too?Copy !req
247. You've been talking nonstop about tatties.Copy !req
248. No. You told me not to get one,
and I always follow what you tell me.Copy !req
249. Good. Those things are
a one-way ticket to whore town.Copy !req
250. Sorry.Copy !req
251. Are you sure there is no way
to get this off?Copy !req
252. Is there a… a special cream or something?Copy !req
253. If there was I wouldn't have
Fred Flintstone riding a surfboardCopy !req
254. on my hip bone.Copy !req
255. That's Red.
Good Lord, what is he gonna think?Copy !req
256. Oh man, he's gonna be pissed.Copy !req
257. Stomp around,
probably take away my allowance.Copy !req
258. Sorry. It's a Dad flashback.Copy !req
259. You need to get out of here.Copy !req
260. No, I'm not leaving you here
to take the blame.Copy !req
261. Cool. If he has
the blame thing covered, I'm out.Copy !req
262. Hang on.Copy !req
263. Take these. We're low on fresh produce.Copy !req
264. Don't let Grandpa see your wristCopy !req
265. until we figure out
the best way to tell him.Copy !req
266. I do not keep things from my husband.
He is a reasonable man.Copy !req
267. Down in hell,
there's this little room in the waybackCopy !req
268. where the devil craps fire
into your mouth.Copy !req
269. That's the DMV.Copy !req
270. How was your day, dear?Copy !req
271. Oh, it was just… It was…Copy !req
272. It… It was great.Copy !req
273. Just, like, nothing crazy happened.Copy !req
274. And what's he doing here?Copy !req
275. Um…Copy !req
276. He brought Grandma the chicken.
From his garden.Copy !req
277. Yes.Copy !req
278. I was making supper.Copy !req
279. I… I have to get up inside there.Copy !req
280. Oh yeah.Copy !req
281. This is gonna be yummy.Copy !req
282. Wanna take that chicken off your hand?Copy !req
283. I do not.Copy !req
284. I'm gonna go get the laundry now.Copy !req
285. I am so disappointed in you.Copy !req
286. All of you.Copy !req
287. But especially you, little Kelso.Copy !req
288. I was wrong the other day.Copy !req
289. You are a complete waste
of a foot in the ass.Copy !req
290. You never even gave him a chance.Copy !req
291. You decided based on his last name
that you were going to hate him.Copy !req
292. This is so unfair.Copy !req
293. And that's what makes it fun for me.Copy !req
294. Leia, he's right.Copy !req
295. It is my fault, sir.
I was the one driving.Copy !req
296. Look, I'm not proud of what happened,Copy !req
297. but I do believe the mistakes we make
are what turn us into the men we become.Copy !req
298. And I would like to become a man
worthy of dating your granddaughter.Copy !req
299. - Get out.
- Already gone.Copy !req
300. And you, go to your room.Copy !req
301. Red, don't you think
you're being a little harsh?Copy !req
302. Yeah, they made a mistake,
but nobody got hurt.Copy !req
303. My wife is tatted up
like she's doing time at Rikers.Copy !req
304. I'm starting to like it.Copy !req
305. I feel like Rizzo from Grease.Copy !req
306. All I asked you to do
was to give Kitty a simple ride home.Copy !req
307. But you pawned it off on the kids
and turned it into a circus.Copy !req
308. Like everything in your life.Copy !req
309. You know what?Copy !req
310. Screw you.Copy !req
311. You're such a blowhard.Copy !req
312. You know how many years
I spent getting yelled at,Copy !req
313. being told how much I messed up?Copy !req
314. So you don't have to respect me,
because I finally respect myself.Copy !req
315. And I don't have to stand here
while you yell at me anymore.Copy !req
316. And thanks a lot for never teaching me
how to ride a bike!Copy !req
317. Do I look like her father?Copy !req
318. I brought you a little treat.Copy !req
319. - What's with her?
- Oh, Red.Copy !req
320. Leia is a teenager.Copy !req
321. She's bursting with hormones
and bad decisions.Copy !req
322. I was talking about Sherri.Copy !req
323. Well, she's bursting with hormones
and bad decisions too.Copy !req
324. I mean…Copy !req
325. If she has issues with her father,
let her go and yell at him.Copy !req
326. Yeah.Copy !req
327. It's not great when people blame you
for other people's problems.Copy !req
328. What?Copy !req
329. Jay is not his father.Copy !req
330. He could have run off,
let Leia take all the blame.Copy !req
331. But you saw how he stood up for her
and took responsibility.Copy !req
332. Michael Kelso would never have done that.Copy !req
333. Michael Kelso glued himself
to our refrigerator.Copy !req
334. I think you're setting the bar kinda low.Copy !req
335. Well, look, Red. I'm guilty of it too.Copy !req
336. Leia's right.Copy !req
337. We never really did give Jay a chance.Copy !req
338. - Oh, oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
339. I know that sound.
It means you're starting to come around.Copy !req
340. While you're a little open-minded…Copy !req
341. Do you hate it?Copy !req
342. Well, actually…Copy !req
343. - It's kind of adventurous.Copy !req
344. Oh!Copy !req
345. I know what you're in the mood for.Copy !req
346. Yeah.Copy !req
347. Yeah!Copy !req
348. Hey, babe.Copy !req
349. Are you okay?Copy !req
350. You didn't squeeze my butt
and say, "Hey, ladies."Copy !req
351. Nik, I'm kind of freaking out about us.Copy !req
352. - You've been spending time with Trevor—
- Trevor?Copy !req
353. Nate, there's nothing
between me and Trevor.Copy !req
354. You know I don't like muscular guys.Copy !req
355. I don't know how I feel about that, but…Copy !req
356. It's not just him.
It's all this other stuff.Copy !req
357. The SATs, the studying.Copy !req
358. I'm afraid you're gonna leave me behind.Copy !req
359. Nate, I'm not going to college
to leave you behind.Copy !req
360. I'm… I'm going to college
so I can have a future.Copy !req
361. Am I in that future?Copy !req
362. Well, the future's not set.Copy !req
363. There's no fate
but what we make for ourselves.Copy !req
364. You're hot and you quote Terminator 2!Copy !req
365. I can't imagine not being with you.Copy !req
366. I need you to tell me
we're always gonna be together.Copy !req
367. Hey, come here.Copy !req
368. Babe, I don't know what's gonna happen.
All I know is that I love you.Copy !req
369. And I hope that's enough.Copy !req
370. It is.Copy !req
371. - Feeling better?
- Yeah.Copy !req
372. Hello, ladies.Copy !req
373. Okay, well I have to head home for dinner.Copy !req
374. - Are you sure you're okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
375. - Yeah, totally.
- Okay.Copy !req
376. Hey there.Copy !req
377. Listen, kiddo. I've been thinking.Copy !req
378. If you really want to see this Kelso kid,Copy !req
379. I'll give him a chance.Copy !req
380. Really?Copy !req
381. But you gotta be careful.
No more joyrides.Copy !req
382. And he's not allowed upstairs. Fair?Copy !req
383. So fair. I'll tell Jay everything
the next time I see him.Copy !req
384. Uh-huh.Copy !req
385. Already gone.Copy !req
386. Bye, babe!Copy !req
387. Aww!Copy !req
388. I talked to Kitty, and I gotta tell ya,Copy !req
389. I know you're not my dad.Copy !req
390. For one thing, you're alive.Copy !req
391. And also you're not a jerk.Copy !req
392. Well, uh, are we here to chat or…
or learn?Copy !req
393. Now… like we practiced.Copy !req
394. My balance is probably pretty goodCopy !req
395. from all those times
I walked home drunk in high heels.Copy !req
396. Oh, I'm doing it! I'm doing it!Copy !req
397. All right, there you go. Now turn around.Copy !req
398. Hey, I'm doing it.Copy !req
399. Good job.Copy !req
400. - Now, brake. Okay, now brake.
- Oh, whoa!Copy !req
401. You idiot!Copy !req
402. Don't worry. I'm okay.Copy !req