1. Cheese festival.
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2. Cheese festival.
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3. Another cheese festival.
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4. Hold up.
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5. There's a warehouse rave in Milwaukee.
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6. I need this. I want to go somewhere
where I don't have to hold back.
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7. You've been holding back?
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8. You have no idea.
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9. I don't know.
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10. Last time I went to a rave,
I stayed up for two days.
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11. Turns out, if a mint is 40 bucks,
it's not a mint.
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12. Great story.
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13. I still want to go.
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14. You know what I want?
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15. Don't say Jay.
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16. Jay.
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17. It was so hot when he didn't kiss me
on the car the other night.
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18. What does it mean? Where is it going?
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19. Should I start shaving
the back of my legs?
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20. Leia, placing all of your value
in the hands of a man
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21. is just giving it away,
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22. and the result of living
in an oppressive patriarchal society.
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23. She read the "Riot Grrrl Manifesto"
and won't shut up about it.
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24. I want to be a feminist.
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25. In college.
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26. But right now,
I really, really, really want a boyfriend.
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27. You didn't kiss her?
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28. Jay Kelso, of the Point Place Kelsos?
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29. The horniest family in town?
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30. I don't know what came over me.
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31. I mean, there's one voice in my head
saying, "Honk her boob, bro."
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32. But he's always there, so that's normal.
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33. The weird part was there was
this other sweet voice saying, "No, bro."
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34. "Honk her heart."
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35. Hey, wait.
You know what this means, right?
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36. You like her.
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37. No... Right?
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38. No.
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39. Yes, that's what that sweet voice means.
You're seeing her as a person.
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40. Weird.
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41. Leia, I'm not sure
if you're ready for Jay.
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42. He's a player.
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43. You just had your first kiss.
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44. Jay's had sex in a lake.
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45. I don't even like
to put my face in a lake.
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46. We don't want you to end up being
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47. some summer hookup
he dumps before school starts.
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48. Last Labor Day was a massacre.
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49. I've never seen so many Jennifers
crying in the same driveway.
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50. You need to close the deal ASAP.
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51. Just tell Leia you like her. Let's go.
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52. I can't.
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53. My dad always told me
to never tell a girl you like her first.
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54. It gives them all the control
in the relationship.
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55. That's not true.
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56. I made the first move with Nikki,
and I am totally in the driver's seat.
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57. That's right, babe.
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58. Dude, she makes you wear her dad's old
doctor pager in case she needs something.
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59. Hey, I only use it for emergencies.
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60. - Yeah, like last night.
- And what did you need last night?
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61. Gum.
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62. Emergency gum.
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63. Are you guys sure about Jay?
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64. A guy's not just gonna
pretend to be sweet.
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65. What would be the point of that?
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66. We don't get paid enough.
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67. Okay, look. If you're dead set
on dating that lake humper,
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68. at least be smart about it.
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69. Don't throw yourself at him.
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70. You are a goddess. Own your power.
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71. You're right.
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72. I'm going to make sure...
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73. - ... he comes to me first.
- ... she comes to me first.
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74. One, two, three, four!
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75. Hello, Wisconsin!
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76. Now, I love Law & Order.
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77. The first part is about law,
and the second part is about order.
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78. It's very satisfying.
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79. Yep, the title pretty much explains it.
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80. Like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
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81. He shrunk his kids,
and now he has to tell his wife.
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82. I'm all caught up.
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83. Kitty, the whole point of watching TV
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84. is so we don't have to talk to each other.
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85. All right, I'll hush up.
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86. Did I tell you how adorable
Leia was the other day?
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87. We were coming up with
celebrity pasta names.
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88. I said Penne and Teller.
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89. She said Marky Markaroni.
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90. You know, I... I'm more than
just a grandma to her. I'm...
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91. We are friends and hang out.
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92. Hang out?
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93. You know who hung out with their parents?
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94. The Menendez brothers.
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95. Well.
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96. I'm not a fan of the murders.
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97. But a big fan of the sweaters.
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98. Look...
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99. We are not meant to be friends with kids.
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100. They're always eating, taking...
clogging things.
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101. You turn your back for one second,
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102. and some dumb-ass has put
a loaf of bread in your toilet.
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103. Oh!
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104. Rigatony Danza!
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105. Rigatony Danza! Leia! Leia!
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106. So your plan is to just oil yourself up
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107. and wait out here
for Leia to catch a hot glimpse?
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108. You forgot. I also brought my guitar.
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109. Okay, too much oil.
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110. Ugh! You're so cheesy.
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111. She's gonna love it.
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112. Hey, Nik. I got your page.
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113. I called your house,
but your mom said you were here.
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114. I need some of this on my shoulders.
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115. Oh. 'Course, babe.
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116. Yeah, you're in the driver's seat.
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117. Seriously?
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118. You look like a wet hot dog.
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119. Thanks, Gwen.
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120. Hey, girl.
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121. Jay, hi.
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122. I mean, hi, Jai. Jay. Jai.
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123. Jai.
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124. Jai.
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125. I like that.
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126. That can be your cute nickname for me.
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127. Okay.
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128. Not okay. Let's go.
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129. Or you can stay here.
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130. You know, hang with... Jai.
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131. - Could I talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
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132. Okay.
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133. Why are you acting like Jay's pimp?
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134. I'm trying to get him coupled up with Leia
so he'll leave me and Nate alone.
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135. They share ice cream cones.
When Jay had mono, I got it.
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136. I don't want her to be
another one of Jay's summer lays.
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137. It's not like that. He actually likes her.
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138. Then he can ask her out like a gentleman.
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139. He won't do that.
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140. It's not allowed in his family
or something.
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141. Okay, well, she's not going to either,
so I guess we're done.
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142. See, it's all about moving the fingers.
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143. I can feel you talking in my ear.
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144. Leia!
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145. Sorry, I have to go.
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146. How did that not work?
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147. I mean, I even borrowed my dad's CK One
and put it everywhere.
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148. You smell great!
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149. Can I get a little of that, bro?
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150. Get in here!
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151. Who's paging me?
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152. Hello.
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153. Oh. Hi, Dr. Klein.
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154. It's some doctor.
He thinks I'm Nikki's dad.
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155. Hang up.
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156. Or...
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157. Uh-huh.
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158. Yes, I agree, that should be removed.
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159. Okay, sweet.
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160. Bye.
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161. Bro.
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162. I just doctored!
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163. Mad respect, bro.
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164. Doctor Bro.
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165. - Hi.
- Good morning.
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166. How did you get in my room?
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167. I climbed through the window.
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168. So what should we talk about?
Jay? Okay, sure.
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169. I think you should go for it.
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170. - I can't.
- Why not?
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171. What the hell is this?
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172. Shouldn't you be controlling
my brother's life with your body?
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173. He's like a zombie with a boner.
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174. So, Leia, Nate and I have
Batman Forever tickets tonight.
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175. But I was thinking,
you and Jay could use them
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176. and hang out... in the dark...
with no annoying people around.
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177. I would love to
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178. pass on that because I have plans tonight.
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179. Oh, really?
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180. Tell me more about these "plans."
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181. Um... we're going to, um...
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182. A rave in Milwaukee!
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183. Uh, yeah.
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184. Totally. A rave.
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185. I thought you were
taking a break from raves
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186. after you got stuck
in your neighbor's doggy door.
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187. I thought it was Narnia.
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188. It wasn't.
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189. Okay, well, if you're all going
to this totally real rave, then so are we.
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190. Cool. See you there.
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191. A rave? Why did you say that?
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192. For purely selfish reasons.
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193. I can't.
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194. Raves are dangerous and illegal.
And what even is the bathroom situation?
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195. I'm a shy pee-er.
I can barely pee at the library.
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196. Relax. There'll be plenty of bathrooms.
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197. That's where everyone goes
to have sex and do drugs.
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198. What? Forget it.
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199. I... This is way out of my comfort zone.
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200. Besides, my grandparents
would never let me go.
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201. Then lie.
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202. To their sweet little faces?
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203. I could never do that.
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204. A movie? That sounds fun.
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205. Yep. Batman Forever.
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206. - It's getting rave reviews.
- Dude.
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207. Um, I mean, not rave reviews.
Mixed reviews.
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208. You caught me! I lied!
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209. I mean, I didn't lie
about going to the movies.
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210. I lied about the rave...
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211. reviews!
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212. We should get going.
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213. Bye, Grandma. Bye, Grandpa.
Rave a good night!
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214. Enjoy the movie!
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215. They're lying.
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216. Oh, Leia wouldn't do that to me.
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217. She's my pasta pal.
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218. Oh, darn it. I forgot to tell her
about Spaghetti Murphy.
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219. Wow.
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220. Those girls are half naked.
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221. And it's terrible.
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222. Why do you smell like cat pee?
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223. To close the deal with Leia,
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224. I put on a bunch of these pheromones
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225. I bought from the back
of my bodybuilding magazine.
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226. Tiger Sweat.
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227. That's badass.
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228. Ladies find the scent irresistible.
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229. Ugh! The van smells like ass.
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230. I got a terrible feeling
we didn't do something.
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231. - Did I bring the glow sticks?
- Yeah.
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232. Did I bring all the pacifiers?
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233. No, I did.
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234. What else could we be forgetting?
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235. Ozzie!
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236. I found this in the driveway.
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237. Still think they're at the movies?
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238. Well, let's...
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239. Let's not jump to conclusions.
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240. Ozzie, sweetie,
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241. why do you look like something
from one of my sleeping pill dreams?
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242. He's not talking.
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243. Yet.
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244. Now... where's my granddaughter?
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245. I'm not saying jack squat
until I talk to my mother.
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246. You'll never see your mother again
until you start talking.
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247. Okay, fine.
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248. She went to nunya.
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249. Now we're getting somewhere.
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250. Where's nunya?
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251. Nunya business.
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252. Well, Red, you kinda...
You just kinda walked into that.
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253. - How could you drive off without Ozzie?
- What? Don't blame me.
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254. I was a little distracted
ordering a blood transfusion.
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255. - What?
- Don't worry about it.
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256. You were right about the bathroom.
It was crazy.
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257. Some girl tried to hug me on the toilet.
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258. I've had enough.
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259. I'm gonna do the mature thing
and talk to Jay.
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260. Hold my binky.
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261. Hey, Jay.
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262. Um, can we just talk to each other
instead of whatever it is we're doing?
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263. Oh, I'm so glad you said that.
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264. We had a nice thing going,
and now everyone got involved.
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265. - It just got weird.
- Exactly.
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266. How about, on the count of three,
we both just say how we feel?
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267. Great.
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268. One, two, three.
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269. - I like you.
- I knew it!
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270. - What? No, you tricked me.
- Well, it doesn't matter. You said it.
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271. Oh my God. Everyone's right.
You... You're a player.
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272. Hey. That's an ugly stereotype
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273. for hot guys like me
who date lots of chicks.
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274. You know what? I did like you.
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275. I liked that guy on the car
who was sweet and sincere.
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276. But not this guy. This guy sucks.
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277. Well, fine. It doesn't matter
if you're into me or not.
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278. There's a warehouse
full of hot girls in there,
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279. and I smell like a tiger.
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280. A tiger's butthole!
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281. And there are guys in there too.
We'll see who has a better night.
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282. And you haven't seen my moves.
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283. What happened to my arm?
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284. It's feeling the music! That's what!
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285. Okay. Good luck in there.
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286. Is Jay seeing how much fun I'm having?
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287. It's hard to tell.
He's surrounded by so many girls.
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288. Pow.
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289. Hi-yah!
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290. Karate!
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291. I need to step it up.
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292. Are you okay?
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293. Do you need medical help?
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294. That guy's a doctor.
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295. X-ray!
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296. Which one?
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297. All of them.
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298. Ozzie...
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299. Honey...
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300. Obviously, you put a ton of work
into that costume.
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301. Thank you for noticing.
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302. I mean, the stitching on the rickrack.
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303. Wow!
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304. I want you to know that I see you.
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305. And I'm proud of you.
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306. And I am dazzled
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307. by your little balls.
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308. Okay, Mrs. Forman.
I'll tell you where Leia is.
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309. See, Red?
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310. If you trust them,
and you... you treat them with respect,
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311. they will be honest with you.
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312. Leia's at a rave in Milwaukee.
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313. That lying little bitch.
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314. You've been answering
my dad's doctor pages?
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315. I did pretty well, Nik.
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316. I got invited to a conference in Denver.
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317. He's coupled off.
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318. What should I do?
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319. Maybe stop dancing with just me.
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320. On it.
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321. Oh f**k. I'm f**king f**ked.
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322. Yep.
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323. So, to date,
the furthest I've gotten with a guy
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324. was grinding on my grandpa at a rave.
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325. Well, it's not nothing.
He took you home with him.
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326. This isn't funny, Gwen.
He's gonna kill me.
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327. I'm sorry. This kinda feels like my fault.
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328. That's because it's all your fault.
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329. I was trying to empower you,
but, to be honest,
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330. I only skimmed
that whole riot grrrl thing.
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331. But, if I had to guess
what it's all about,
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332. you should get to do what you want
without anyone holding you back,
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333. including me.
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334. So, if you still want Jay,
then go get him.
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335. After tonight, I don't know what I want.
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336. Either way, I should probably
break up with my grandpa first.
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337. Gwen.
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338. Get out.
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339. This is nunya.
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340. Nunya business.
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341. I'm so sorry, you guys.
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342. But, Grandma, you should know,
I feel nothing but regrettuccine Alfredo.
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343. Okay, that was good.
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344. But Grandma's pissed.
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345. I am so disappointed in you.
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346. You took advantage of my trust, my love,
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347. and all of my good safety pins.
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348. - I really messed up.
- Uh-huh.
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349. Well, you are grounded for a week.
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350. No cable, no Nintendo.
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351. And that Chia Pet you like so much?
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352. I'm gonna put it in the freezer
until it dies.
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353. Red, do you have anything to add?
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354. No.
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355. Just that... we're glad
you're home safe, kiddo.
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356. That's it?
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357. Well, I've seen enough Law & Order
to know that there has to be a good cop.
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358. So, I'm the bad cop?
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359. Oh, I like this.
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360. - Is this how you feel all the time?
- Oh yeah.
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361. You are bad!
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362. - Aw, you guys.
- Yeah, no. Go to your room.
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363. Hey.
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364. Hey. I heard you were grounded.
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365. I got busted too.
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366. That Tiger Sweat stuff
burned a hole in our carpet.
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367. Now my mom's pissed.
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368. Look... I just wanted to apologize
for how things went.
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369. It's okay.
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370. We both got kinda caught up in it.
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371. Look, I really am the guy
you thought I was.
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372. Okay? I'm done playing games.
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373. How about, on the count of three,
we both say how we feel about each other?
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374. - For real this time.
- Okay.
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375. One, two, three.
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376. - I like you.
- I think we should just be friends.
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377. Wait, friends?
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378. - Yeah.
- Like Ross and Rachel?
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379. More like Joey and Chandler.
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380. Look, the summer's not that long.
Let's not complicate it.
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381. So, friends?
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382. Sure. Friends.
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383. Friends? After he said all that?
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384. I'm so confused.
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385. So is he.
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386. Now I have all the power.
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387. It was a move.
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388. I played the player. I Kelsoed the Kelso.
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389. I...
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390. need you to tell me
I didn't screw it all up.
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391. It's so manipulative and sneaky.
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392. I love it.
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393. Hey! I'm still mad.
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394. Less talk, more rave.
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