1. Well...Copy !req
2. Okay. Now that we're all in the van...Copy !req
3. and you guys
can't change your mind...Copy !req
4. I just want you to know
that we're not exactly...Copy !req
5. on the way to my uncle's
fabulous cabin in the woods.Copy !req
6. It's really more of an ice shack.Copy !req
7. Did you say ice shack?Copy !req
8. Hmm? Yeah.Copy !req
9. Oh, and, uh, the hot tub...Copy !req
10. It's really more
of a garbage can.Copy !req
11. Oh, but it's also
the bathroom, so...Copy !req
12. - Kelso, turn this van around!
- No, Donna, wait.Copy !req
13. Is there beer?Copy !req
14. Tons. Hey, and we don't even
need a refrigerator...Copy !req
15. 'cause it's so freakin' cold.Copy !req
16. - Paradise.
- Yeah.Copy !req
17. Oh, and, uh,
before we pick up Jackie...Copy !req
18. I just want to make sure everybody knows
what this trip is about.Copy !req
19. The fabulous hot-tub toilet?Copy !req
20. No. Eric, tell her
about my master plan.Copy !req
21. Oh. Yeah. See, Kelso, when you start
a sentence with the words "master plan,"Copy !req
22. I just kind of know it's gonna be stupid,
so I just naturally tune out.Copy !req
23. Okay, well, my master plan is...Copy !req
24. Eric! Pay attention!Copy !req
25. This is about
a romantic double date.Copy !req
26. It's you and Donna
and me and Jackie.Copy !req
27. Kelso, you do know you're not
actually dating Jackie, right?Copy !req
28. That's why
it's a secret double date.Copy !req
29. See, I told Jackie that
the whole gang was coming...Copy !req
30. but then, I didn't invite Hyde,
especially not Fez.Copy !req
31. He's all over Jackie.Copy !req
32. Look. I'm not doing this.
Turn this van around!Copy !req
33. No! I need you guys.Copy !req
34. See, if you're there...
You guys are, like, the perfect couple.Copy !req
35. And... And if you're there...Copy !req
36. then, I can just copy all the sissy,
loser things that Eric does for you.Copy !req
37. I really do enjoy
your sissy, loser things.Copy !req
38. Yeah, like when I had first dibs
on that seat, but I took the hump.Copy !req
39. It's a small price to pay
to keep my lady happy.Copy !req
40. Exactly. I want to be that dork.Copy !req
41. Hmm.Copy !req
42. - Kelso, why are you speeding up?
- I gotta beat this light.Copy !req
43. - Why?
- I just... I gotta!Copy !req
44. Damn it!Copy !req
45. What are you doing?Copy !req
46. I've been chasing you
for six blocks.Copy !req
47. I'm sorry, buddy.
I didn't see you.Copy !req
48. Yeah, nice try. I know
all about your master plan.Copy !req
49. Now, drive,
you sneaky son of a bitch.Copy !req
50. You brought me to an outhouse?Copy !req
51. Actually, Jackie...
That's the outhouse.Copy !req
52. No! No, it's an ice shack,
for fishing.Copy !req
53. I... This is gonna be a blast.Copy !req
54. I me... It is so beautiful out here.Copy !req
55. Plus, I brought lotion.Copy !req
56. Ooh, it's kinda cold.Copy !req
57. Here, take my jacket.Copy !req
58. I love you.Copy !req
59. God, we are such
the... perfect couple.Copy !req
60. I'm cold too.Copy !req
61. Well, damn, Jackie.
I can't control the weather!Copy !req
62. Here, Jackie, take my coat.Copy !req
63. Ohh, thanks, Fez.Copy !req
64. So, sweetie,
what do you want to do?Copy !req
65. - Whatever you want to do, honey.
- I want to go inside.Copy !req
66. - That's what I want to do too.
- Oh, my God! Let's go.Copy !req
67. Hey, what the hell was
that jacket business, man?Copy !req
68. Uh, you're making me look bad.Copy !req
69. Look, Kelso, you are
my good, good friend...Copy !req
70. but I will stop at nothing
to win Jackie...Copy !req
71. and if you're in my way,
I will destroy you.Copy !req
72. This is nice,
you coming home for lunch.Copy !req
73. Yeah.Copy !req
74. Good afternoon, sunshine.Copy !req
75. So, what have you
got planned for today?Copy !req
76. Same as every day. Lie on the couch,
do my nails, avoid talking to you.Copy !req
77. It's not going that well, so far.Copy !req
78. Red, that girl does nothing
but party all night and sleep all day.Copy !req
79. She's gonna end up
like Aunt Martha.Copy !req
80. Remember the beer gut on her?Copy !req
81. She's not gonna end up
like Fat Martha.Copy !req
82. Poor woman got so large
she couldn't play putt-putt.Copy !req
83. Geez, don't remind me.Copy !req
84. That par two was the longest
three hours of my life.Copy !req
85. Red, your daughter is drifting.
So what are you gonna do?Copy !req
86. I'll tell you
what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
87. I'm gonna start eating
my lunch at the office.Copy !req
88. Leo, man, glad you're here.
I've been really busy.Copy !req
89. Oh, yeah? I guess my "buy one, get one free"
flyer is really bringing in the business.Copy !req
90. That's 'cause you forgot
the "buy one" part.Copy !req
91. Oh, no.Copy !req
92. Well, good thing
we're closing early, man...Copy !req
93. 'cause I need you to give me a ride
over to my Cousin Larry's.Copy !req
94. - I don't have a car, man.
- You can drive mine, man.Copy !req
95. - I can't drive since my license got suspended.
- Why? What'd you do?Copy !req
96. Well, I dropped it
in some soda, you know?Copy !req
97. And it just hung there,
suspended.Copy !req
98. And then when I was looking at it,
I ran a red light.Copy !req
99. Boy, ice fishing's fun.Copy !req
100. I like this place, out here
in the middle of a frozen lake.Copy !req
101. It's cozy,
don't you think, Jackie?Copy !req
102. If by "cozy," you mean
"small and smelly," then, yes!Copy !req
103. Good one, Jackie.Copy !req
104. That's funny.Copy !req
105. Well, she needs a sense of humor
with an unfaithful ex-boyfriend...Copy !req
106. who brings her
to a dump like this.Copy !req
107. Ow.Copy !req
108. - Nice.
- Thank you.Copy !req
109. I mean, Eric would never take
Donna to a place like this.Copy !req
110. Fez, it wouldn't matter
where we were.Copy !req
111. - Just being together makes it fun.
- Aw.Copy !req
112. But I would never bring you
to a place like this...Copy !req
113. because I know that you don't
like such small, smelly places.Copy !req
114. You know me so well.Copy !req
115. Eskimo kiss.Copy !req
116. Too bad Kelso doesn't know
anything about Jackie.Copy !req
117. Whoa. That is not true.
I know everything about her.Copy !req
118. In fact, I'll bet I know more about Jackie
than Eric knows about Donna.Copy !req
119. Whoa, Kelso.
Walk before you run, baby.Copy !req
120. You think you know me,
Michael? Then prove it.Copy !req
121. Oh, I have an idea.Copy !req
122. Let's play
The Newlywed Game.Copy !req
123. Eric and Donna versus
Kelso and Jackie.Copy !req
124. And I will be the impartial judge
who gets Jackie in the end.Copy !req
125. What?Copy !req
126. I mean, uh, good...
good luck to everyone.Copy !req
127. Hey, Leo,
what's in the bag, man?Copy !req
128. How can I put this?Copy !req
129. Let's just say in this bag
are illegal drugs.Copy !req
130. What? Come on, man.
You know I'm on probation!Copy !req
131. Nah, it's cool, man. All you have to do
is just not get pulled over.Copy !req
132. What did I just tell you, man?Copy !req
133. Gentlemen, our ladies have already
written down the answers to their questions.Copy !req
134. First up, Eric.Copy !req
135. Eric, what is Donna's
favorite pizza topping?Copy !req
136. Pepperoni.Copy !req
137. - Donna?
- Pepperoni!Copy !req
138. - We're such the perfect couple!
- I know!Copy !req
139. Now, Kelso...Copy !req
140. Mushrooms!Copy !req
141. No, no, no, no, no.
That is not your question.Copy !req
142. - And minus two for interrupting the host.
- Oh.Copy !req
143. - Minus two.
- Okay, sorry.Copy !req
144. It's okay. Minus two.Copy !req
145. Now, Kelso, last summer
you "accidently"...Copy !req
146. bounced Jackie off a trampoline.Copy !req
147. When she woke up in the hospital,
what were her first words?Copy !req
148. Oh, uh, you...
"Michael, you idiot."Copy !req
149. Michael, you remembered!Copy !req
150. Wow, he remembered.Copy !req
151. Okay, Eric, according to Donna
what is Donna's last name?Copy !req
152. Pinciotti.Copy !req
153. Oh, my God!Copy !req
154. Yes!Copy !req
155. Correct.Copy !req
156. Now, Kelso...Copy !req
157. Jackie has distant relatives
in the Cook Islands.Copy !req
158. In the early 1900s, what species of turtle
did they save from extinction?Copy !req
159. Take your time.Copy !req
160. Ladderback.Copy !req
161. Michael, you're amazing!Copy !req
162. Oh.Copy !req
163. No, no, no, no.
No hugging!Copy !req
164. I'm sorry, all right?
I forgot.Copy !req
165. That's right, and let's try
to remember that, little lady.Copy !req
166. Well, the score is horribly close.Copy !req
167. I'm very impressed, Michael.Copy !req
168. Yeah, well, I guess you just remember
things about those you care about.Copy !req
169. Oh, please. I'm gonna puke.Copy !req
170. Let's get this nightmare over with.Copy !req
171. Okay, Donna...Copy !req
172. if you could change one thing
about yourself, what would it be?Copy !req
173. Um, well, there's stuff
I'd change...Copy !req
174. but I know Eric,
and he'd say "Nothing."Copy !req
175. No, but, wait.
But that's not the question.Copy !req
176. Wh-Why?
What'd you answer?Copy !req
177. It doesn't matter what I answered,
because you answered wrong and I don't...Copy !req
178. I don't... I don't
want to play anymore.Copy !req
179. "Huge Wile E. Coyote feet"?Copy !req
180. What the hell does that mean?Copy !req
181. It means you have enormous feet.
Jackie...Copy !req
182. Whoa, whoa, Fez.Copy !req
183. Eric, you think
I have enormous feet?Copy !req
184. No. No, no.
You think that.Copy !req
185. Last week, you said you hated your
"huge Wile E. Coyote feet."Copy !req
186. - Eric, I only said that so you'd say they're not big.
- And they're not big.Copy !req
187. I'm sorry, but, dude, that's a lie.Copy !req
188. Oh, my God,
I don't believe this.Copy !req
189. No, Donna, no,
you're looking at this all wrong.Copy !req
190. Big feet make you, like, really stable.
You know?Copy !req
191. Really hard to... knock over.Copy !req
192. Get bent.Copy !req
193. See? I have small feet.Copy !req
194. That's where... Donna?
Are you going somewhere, honey?Copy !req
195. Okay, this is it.Copy !req
196. For all the marbles.Copy !req
197. Jackie.
What was your answer?Copy !req
198. Um, hmm...Copy !req
199. well if I had to change
one thing about me...Copy !req
200. it would have to be that...Copy !req
201. I'm too cute and
all other girls are jealous.Copy !req
202. Kelso?Copy !req
203. Oh, my God, Michael! That's amazing!Copy !req
204. Oh! I...
Oh, my God, I almost...Copy !req
205. Oh, my God.
I gotta go talk to Donna.Copy !req
206. Who would know that you
would win a battle of wits?Copy !req
207. Yeah.Copy !req
208. Turns out that the key
to winning Jackie's heart...Copy !req
209. was in the last place
I thought to look...Copy !req
210. my own brain.Copy !req
211. Donna, I think I'm actually
feeling something for Michael, you know?Copy !req
212. Donna, would you please stop
looking at your feet and listen to me?Copy !req
213. A boyfriend is supposed to tell you the
things you don't like about yourself are fine.Copy !req
214. Like last week, I told Eric
his pecs were getting bigger.Copy !req
215. But I mean, come on.Copy !req
216. If you lie him on his back,
you could fill up his chest with water.Copy !req
217. Maybe I'm just lonely.Copy !req
218. Or I need a sign from, like, God.Copy !req
219. Or, I don't know.Copy !req
220. Maybe I just need someone
to tell me if I'm crazy.Copy !req
221. Jackie, you're crazy.Copy !req
222. Not you, Bigfoot.Copy !req
223. Hi, honey. How was...Copy !req
224. Oh, not over yet.Copy !req
225. No, it's not, Red.Copy !req
226. Go make Laurie
do something with her life.Copy !req
227. I mean it. Now!Copy !req
228. Oh. You know, when a guy
comes home from work...Copy !req
229. he just wants to sit down
and have a nice quiet beer.Copy !req
230. Well, she drank your beer
because she doesn't have a future.Copy !req
231. Fine, Kitty. I'm going!Copy !req
232. Okay, honey. First of all...Copy !req
233. always save
one beer for Daddy.Copy !req
234. Okay.Copy !req
235. Second of all...Copy !req
236. we feel that you need
to get some direction in your life.Copy !req
237. And by "we,"
I mean your mother.Copy !req
238. See, honey.
I'm not really worried.Copy !req
239. 'Cause I know you're gonna
find a nice guy and get married.Copy !req
240. - Exactly.
- Right.Copy !req
241. Someone who can take care of you,
who's rich, who's... not Kelso.Copy !req
242. And I think this is a plan
that might just work out for you.Copy !req
243. Okay.Copy !req
244. But, Daddy, I mean, if I wanted to
have a career of my own, I could, right?Copy !req
245. Well, sure.Copy !req
246. I just don't want you
to set yourself up for...Copy !req
247. Like what happened
at the college...Copy !req
248. I-If you set the bar too high,
the fall might be...Copy !req
249. You see, you're just...
so pretty.Copy !req
250. Here's five dollars.Copy !req
251. Good evening, gentlemen.Copy !req
252. Is there a problem, "ossifer?"Copy !req
253. Did you just say "ossifer?"Copy !req
254. Uh, no sir, I'm sorry.Copy !req
255. I distinctly heard him
say officer, sir.Copy !req
256. Uh-huh.Copy !req
257. I pulled you over
because your left brake light is out.Copy !req
258. I'm gonna have to
write you up a warning.Copy !req
259. Close one, man.Copy !req
260. I thought for sure he was gonna ask
what's in the bag.Copy !req
261. I'm still right here.Copy !req
262. Uh-oh.Copy !req
263. - Dog food?
- We were framed!Copy !req
264. I mean...
Of course it's dog food.Copy !req
265. What'd you think it was? Illegal drugs?Copy !req
266. All right, weirdos.Copy !req
267. Drive safe.Copy !req
268. Dog food?Copy !req
269. Yeah. I mean...
Oh, wait, man.Copy !req
270. If the dog food's
in this bag, then where's...Copy !req
271. Oh, wow. I gotta check on my dog, man!Copy !req
272. - Jackie, I...
- Don't speak, Michael.Copy !req
273. I am very close to
letting myself experience...Copy !req
274. strong feelings
of not hating you.Copy !req
275. I just need a sign.Copy !req
276. I brought the lotion.Copy !req
277. No, okay. I want you to guess
a number between one and ten.Copy !req
278. - Seven.
- Guess again.Copy !req
279. - Three.
- Close enough. Let's go.Copy !req
280. Jackie, if you go out that door
with him...Copy !req
281. whatever we might have had
between us is over forever.Copy !req
282. Look! The reason I haven't
done anything with my life...Copy !req
283. is because I didn't know
what I wanted to do.Copy !req
284. Well, the post office has
a dental plan that's supposed...Copy !req
285. Shh!Copy !req
286. But, Daddy, you forced me
to sit down and think about it...Copy !req
287. and now, I have
found my passion!Copy !req
288. Hair!Copy !req
289. The musical?Copy !req
290. No! Hair!Copy !req
291. I'm going to beauty school!Copy !req
292. This isn't something you do
through the mail, is it?Copy !req
293. No! It's a real school.Copy !req
294. - Oh, well, yea!
- Congratulations, sweetheart.Copy !req
295. - So, Kitty, what do you think?
- Eh.Copy !req
296. Yeah.Copy !req
297. Well, looks like Jackie
and Kelso are back together.Copy !req
298. I won and Fez lost
I won and Fez lostCopy !req
299. - You guys, what happened?
- I don't know. The van just started shakin'.Copy !req
300. Uh, guys.Copy !req
301. Quick! Everyone give me your belts.
Together we can pull it out.Copy !req
302. Come on!Copy !req
303. Gi...Copy !req
304. Michael, this is it!
This is the sign I was looking for!Copy !req
305. God doesn't
want us to be together!Copy !req
306. Who cares?
I'm losing my van!Copy !req
307. See? That was always
the problem with us, Michael.Copy !req
308. It was always about you.Copy !req
309. - Jackie, are you losing your van?
- No!Copy !req
310. Then shut up!Copy !req
311. Wow, watching Kelso's van sink
makes the size of my feet seem unimportant.Copy !req
312. See, Donna?
Size doesn't matter.Copy !req
313. - Oh, you don't have to tell me.
- That's... Yeah. That's...Copy !req
314. There's my sweet girl.Copy !req
315. Fez, I'm cold.Copy !req
316. Frankly my dear...Copy !req
317. I don't give a rat's ass.Copy !req
318. Dr. Zhivago, I'm home!Copy !req
319. I brought your food!Copy !req