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8. http://hiCopy !req
9. http://hiqCopy !req
10. http://hiqvCopy !req
11. http://hiqveCopy !req
12. http://hiqve.Copy !req
13. http://hiqve.cCopy !req
14. http://hiqve.com/Copy !req
15. http://hiqve.com/Copy !req
16. Thank you. Enjoy your Anne Murray,
though I don't see how that's possible.Copy !req
17. - Hello, Steven!
- Hey, man! Hey, Leo, this is my dad, WB.Copy !req
18. Wow! Now I've seen everything.Copy !req
19. You're surprised
he's black, huh?Copy !req
20. No. His fly is open, man.Copy !req
21. Whoa. Look at all these kids.Copy !req
22. Pretty busy
for a Tuesday morning.Copy !req
23. Yeah, it's kind of a fire sale.Copy !req
24. We put stuff on sale and then I go down
to the high school and pull the fire alarm.Copy !req
25. If the store keeps doing okay, there
might be a nice bonus in your future.Copy !req
26. Or as I like to call it,
retroactive child support.Copy !req
27. Hey, who's pretty boy?Copy !req
28. Oh, hey. I'm Randy. But I
really wouldn't call me pretty.Copy !req
29. I'm more like sultry,
angular yet soft.Copy !req
30. Really anything that would
describe Faye Dunaway.Copy !req
31. So Steven, what are you and
Faye Dunaway doing this weekend?Copy !req
32. Oh, well, the Point Place Youth
Club's doing a big trash cleanup,Copy !req
33. so we were gonna go down there
and throw cans at them.Copy !req
34. Check these out.Copy !req
35. Front row tickets
to Eric Clapton in Chicago?Copy !req
36. That's the coolest thing
anyone has ever done for me.Copy !req
37. What, show you a couple of
concert tickets? You're not going.Copy !req
38. So listen, I stopped by to see if
you wanted to house-sit for me.Copy !req
39. You know, bring in the mail, water
the plants, feed my dog, whitey.Copy !req
40. Your dog's name is Whitey?Copy !req
41. No, I was talking to you.Copy !req
42. Yeah. I guess I can
do that. Wow, man.Copy !req
43. Staying at my dad's house. Be
like the childhood I never had.Copy !req
44. And I won't be there. Just
like the childhood you did have.Copy !req
45. Mrs. Forman?Copy !req
46. I need to talk to you.Copy !req
47. I'm really sorry that Randy
and I were kissing in Eric's room.Copy !req
48. It was inappropriate.Copy !req
49. Oh, actually, honey, I'm surprised
you even had time to apologize.Copy !req
50. I thought you'd be up there
making out with the rest of Wisconsin.Copy !req
51. What the hell are you doing
showing affectionCopy !req
52. outside of your
own homes, anyway?Copy !req
53. Kitty and I, we never
kiss or hug in public.Copy !req
54. Far as the rest of the world is
concerned, we're complete strangers.Copy !req
55. I didn't mean to offend you. You've
always been like a mother to me.Copy !req
56. Like remember when you made me
hot cocoa when my parents got snowed inCopy !req
57. at that swingers' club?Copy !req
58. Oh, Donna, I'm not gonna let one
little incident ruin a lifelong friendship.Copy !req
59. Oh, hey, look, Red,Copy !req
60. this egg is kind of shaped
like Randy's head.Copy !req
61. And now it's trash,
just like Donna!Copy !req
62. Hello, Wisconsin!Copy !req
63. Oh, this pineapple
reminds me of Donna.Copy !req
64. It's a little tart.Copy !req
65. Hey. Don't call my daughter
names. You can call me names.Copy !req
66. But I really wish you wouldn't.Copy !req
67. Well, I just... I don't know
what she sees in Randy.Copy !req
68. He's so charming and friendly and
always willing to lend a helping hand.Copy !req
69. What a jackass.Copy !req
70. I like him. He calls me Mr. P.Copy !req
71. How did he come
up with that one?Copy !req
72. Kitty, if Donna's gonna date
anyone, why not him?Copy !req
73. I mean, he's bright, he's good
with tools and most important,Copy !req
74. he has never once tried to
teach me the ways of the Jedi.Copy !req
75. Wait a minute.
You like Randy too?Copy !req
76. Well, I'm just saying, I don't hate
him as much as I hate most people.Copy !req
77. Well, you have said a lot of
hurtful things, but this is the worst!Copy !req
78. Kitty!Copy !req
79. She's crazy.Copy !req
80. This pineapple is delicious.Copy !req
81. See? Now, this is
the kind of house I want.Copy !req
82. And I know that if I work hard enough,
I can find a sucker to buy it for me.Copy !req
83. Damn, this place is clean,
man. Sure no woman lives here?Copy !req
84. Steven, please, I don't need a woman
living here to keep a clean house.Copy !req
85. I have a maid.Copy !req
86. And she's a white girl.Copy !req
87. And then Mrs. Forman said
you looked like an eggCopy !req
88. and threw your
broken head in the trash.Copy !req
89. Well, I don't take
it too personallyCopy !req
90. 'cause I've noticed something about
Mrs. Forman. She's a whackadoo.Copy !req
91. Oh, cool!Copy !req
92. Peter Frampton gave
you a signed guitar!Copy !req
93. Hey, you know what?
I have a handful of his hair.Copy !req
94. And one of them has a little
piece of skin on the end of it.Copy !req
95. Yeah. She keeps it next
to Leif Garrett's used Q-tip.Copy !req
96. Hey, I had to kiss a roadie
named Larry for that one.Copy !req
97. Well, there's the kitchen, there's
the living room and there's the bar.Copy !req
98. Don't touch anything.Copy !req
99. Don't worry, man. I'll treat this
place like I broke into it myself.Copy !req
100. Hey, guys, the toilet seat
in there is heated.Copy !req
101. It felt so good on my face.Copy !req
102. Man. Watching your Dad's place
is a big responsibility.Copy !req
103. And I just know the 500
strangers we invite to the partyCopy !req
104. are gonna give it
the respect it deserves.Copy !req
105. No way, man. WB is trusting
me. I'm not trashing his house.Copy !req
106. But that's the beauty of our
plan. We will trash it for you.Copy !req
107. Oh, Hyde doesn't want
to disappoint his daddy.Copy !req
108. "I'm Hyde, and I love my Dad
and he loves meCopy !req
109. "and we're making up for lost time
and..." Actually that's kind of touching.Copy !req
110. Come on, Hyde, don't you ever
want to find outCopy !req
111. if 500 people can
fit in that pool?Copy !req
112. No! All right? I'm not letting you
guys talk me into having a party.Copy !req
113. I'm not doing
something that stupid.Copy !req
114. Look, everybody!
I'm dancing like a chicken!Copy !req
115. Ever since I said I like Randy,Copy !req
116. Kitty's been stomping around,
making life miserable for me.Copy !req
117. I can't describe how
bad it is over there.Copy !req
118. Well, made you wanna come over
and hang out with me.Copy !req
119. That's the perfect way
to describe it!Copy !req
120. I'm glad you came. Taste this.Copy !req
121. Hmm. That tastes pretty good.Copy !req
122. That's 'cause it's made
with five different cheeses.Copy !req
123. What's it called?Copy !req
124. Five different cheeses.Copy !req
125. Oh, save room for cheesecake.Copy !req
126. God, this place looks great. WB
will never know we had a party.Copy !req
127. You missed
something behind the couch.Copy !req
128. Drive safe!Copy !req
129. You know, all this cleaning
is actually kind of satisfying.Copy !req
130. You know,
I bet my maid is thrilledCopy !req
131. she is not a doctor
in her country any more.Copy !req
132. Well, I cleaned all the dirty
limerick off the wall.Copy !req
133. I don't know where this Nantucket
place is, but the men there are disgusting.Copy !req
134. Man, I should not have thrown
a party here.Copy !req
135. It's weird, but I feel kind of guilty.
I've never felt guilty before in my life!Copy !req
136. Not even when the judge said,
"You're guilty."Copy !req
137. You think that's weird? I never took
my pants off, but my undies are gone.Copy !req
138. You're not gonna believe this,
but I think I'm wearing them.Copy !req
139. Hey! What the hell is the
guitar doing on the floor?Copy !req
140. Oh, uh, yeah.Copy !req
141. You took it down to whack
all the women in the butt with it.Copy !req
142. Hmm-hmm, you called it
Hyde's Spank-O-Matic.Copy !req
143. Well, looks all right.Copy !req
144. What are you talking about?
It's broken into pieces.Copy !req
145. Okay, we should probably say
good night here,Copy !req
146. because if my Dad sees us
kissing, he'll yell, "Whoo-hoo!"Copy !req
147. Oh, look at this.
Donna and Randy kissing!Copy !req
148. Whoo-hoo.Copy !req
149. Well, I guess I shouldn't get too upset
because, after all, it's none of my businessCopy !req
150. what two people do in the
privacy of my own driveway.Copy !req
151. Mrs. Forman, I'm sorry you're
uncomfortable, but for the last time,Copy !req
152. Eric broke up with me!Copy !req
153. I don't care. You should still
be waiting for him!Copy !req
154. When Red went to war,
I waited for himCopy !req
155. and I had more men
coming after me than Hitler.Copy !req
156. That's different. Eric chose to go to
Africa and he chose to break up with me.Copy !req
157. Well, maybe he wouldn't have
left if you were a better girlfriend.Copy !req
158. Well, maybe if you hadn't been
so smothering and controlling,Copy !req
159. he wouldn't have gone halfway across
the world just to get away from you!Copy !req
160. Hey! That eggshell
does look like me.Copy !req
161. Hey, handsome.Copy !req
162. Come on, Red, do one more.
What am I now?Copy !req
163. A deer.Copy !req
164. Nope, a rhinoceros.
What am I know?Copy !req
165. A moron.Copy !req
166. Wrong again, I'm a deer!Copy !req
167. Mr. Forman, your wife just saw me
and Randy kissing in the driveway.Copy !req
168. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
169. Then she yelled at us, so I
told her she was a bad motherCopy !req
170. and that Eric moved away
to Africa to get away from her.Copy !req
171. - Now she's really mad at me.
- Well, of course
she's mad at you, Donna!Copy !req
172. You can't just go around
telling people the truth!Copy !req
173. Why the hell
didn't you stop them?Copy !req
174. Because the last time
I got between two women,Copy !req
175. well, that actually
worked out really well.Copy !req
176. Well, thanks, Donna.
Now you've made it worse.Copy !req
177. I have to go and fix this now.Copy !req
178. Because if I have to stay here
another day with your dad,Copy !req
179. I'm gonna end up killing myself.Copy !req
180. No offense.Copy !req
181. How was that no offense?Copy !req
182. You should have
just said, "Offense."Copy !req
183. Fine. Offense.Copy !req
184. Okay, go. But you're gonna miss out what
I'm making for dinner. Five different meats.Copy !req
185. This thing is
completely destroyed.Copy !req
186. Yeah. You know what else
happened at the party?Copy !req
187. A guy grabbed my butt and his
girlfriend got really mad at him.Copy !req
188. Yeah, I think they broke up.Copy !req
189. I had a great time!Copy !req
190. I'm screwed, man!
WB is in the music industry.Copy !req
191. They can kill anyone and
make it look like an accident.Copy !req
192. They did it to Mama Cass.
They did it to Hendrix.Copy !req
193. They even took out Buddy Holly
to get to the Big Bopper!Copy !req
194. Oh, Hyde, you're such a baby.Copy !req
195. "Oh, I'm Hyde and I just lost the
trust of the father I just met and..."Copy !req
196. Oh, here comes
the waterworks again.Copy !req
197. So, I hear you and Donna
had quite the flare-up.Copy !req
198. You wanna tell me what happened?Copy !req
199. Well, your guess
is as good as mine.Copy !req
200. I saw Donna and
Randy in the driveway,Copy !req
201. I politely said, "Good day,"Copy !req
202. and out of nowhere
she just bit my head off.Copy !req
203. - Completely unprovoked?
- Completely.Copy !req
204. - So just like
all of our fights?
- Exactly.Copy !req
205. Yeah, well, look, Kitty, what
happened with Eric and Donna is normal.Copy !req
206. People... People move away.
They move on.Copy !req
207. Just like you did when I went off to
war and you dated Roger Silverman.Copy !req
208. You knew about that?Copy !req
209. Yeah, well, you guys probably shouldn't
have gone on American Bandstand.Copy !req
210. Well,
my situation was different.Copy !req
211. You were overseas.
I had to keep my options open.Copy !req
212. Donna's a whore.Copy !req
213. What do you
think, man? Can you fix it?Copy !req
214. I don't know, man. You kind
of caught me at a bad time.Copy !req
215. Right in
the middle of Hawaii Five-O.Copy !req
216. Leo, there's no TV in here.Copy !req
217. That doesn't change
the fact that it's on.Copy !req
218. Look, man, I actually
really need your help.Copy !req
219. Okay, I can fix this, man. But I
just need to do one thing to prepare.Copy !req
220. Okay, here we go. Gloves.Copy !req
221. Knife.Copy !req
222. Napkin.Copy !req
223. Can't fix a guitar
on an empty stomach.Copy !req
224. Oh, hi, Donna.
I didn't recognize youCopy !req
225. without six feet of strange
boy attached to your face.Copy !req
226. Mrs. Forman, about what
happened in the driveway,Copy !req
227. we both said some things
we probably didn't mean.Copy !req
228. I didn't.Copy !req
229. Well, I'm just saying, you
know, we both got emotionalCopy !req
230. and we said some things
we might want to take back.Copy !req
231. Can't think of anything.Copy !req
232. You do admit that you were
in the driveway, right?Copy !req
233. I don't know. Looked
more like a brothel to me.Copy !req
234. Mrs. Forman, please.Copy !req
235. I just came over
here to tell you thatCopy !req
236. this whole thing with Randy,
it was all a huge mistake.Copy !req
237. Oh, Donna, I am so
happy to hear you say that!Copy !req
238. - So are you and I okay?
- Of course we are!Copy !req
239. Oh, I never really saw you with
Randy anyway. He is awful handsome.Copy !req
240. Oh.Copy !req
241. No. We're still together, it's just that
we won't kiss in front of you any more.Copy !req
242. And for the record,
I could get any guy I want.Copy !req
243. I am damn hot. You should
hear the disgusting thingsCopy !req
244. construction workers say
they want to do to me.Copy !req
245. Oh, come on, Donna. You
don't belong with Randy anyway.Copy !req
246. And just wait,
when Eric gets home...Copy !req
247. Mrs. Forman, listen to me!Copy !req
248. When Eric comes back, we
are not getting back together.Copy !req
249. So you need to get over it.Copy !req
250. How am I supposed to get over
Eric running off to Africa?Copy !req
251. He was supposed to stay here,
marry you and give Red and meCopy !req
252. three wonderful grandchildren
named Ronald, Rose and Kitty Junior.Copy !req
253. Only everyone will call her
Kitkat, so it doesn't get confusing.Copy !req
254. Oh, my God. So you're not
mad at me, you're mad at Eric.Copy !req
255. Of course I'm mad at Eric.Copy !req
256. It just... It wasn't supposed
to turn out this way.Copy !req
257. Mrs. Forman,
I'll always care about Eric.Copy !req
258. But it's over.Copy !req
259. I know.Copy !req
260. So... Kitty Junior?Copy !req
261. Or Kitty the Second.Copy !req
262. Whichever you prefer,
it's your child.Copy !req
263. There you go,
the guitar is all fixed.Copy !req
264. Leo, I could kiss you, man.Copy !req
265. Okay, but that's as
far as you're gonna get.Copy !req
266. Hey, where's my kiss? I'm the
one who wiped off all the graffiti.Copy !req
267. What?Copy !req
268. Yeah, some jerk named Peter
Frampton wrote his name on it.Copy !req
269. Fez, you moron! This is
Peter Frampton's guitar!Copy !req
270. - Who?
- Peter Frampton!Copy !req
271. The talentless idiot that a million
brainless teenage girls made a star.Copy !req
272. I love Peter Frampton!Copy !req
273. A million and one.Copy !req
274. Oh, my God, my dad's here.
What am I gonna do?Copy !req
275. Don't worry. I'll take care of him
with this. Lights out, you son of a bitch.Copy !req
276. You know what?
I'll just sign it myself.Copy !req
277. I've written Frampton's name
on plenty of things.Copy !req
278. I'll just leave
off the "sucks" part.Copy !req
279. Hey, there, Steven!Copy !req
280. - Hey, man, how was Clapton?
- Great. Hey, got you a t-shirt.Copy !req
281. Oh. "I love Chicago."Copy !req
282. Yeah, I didn't remember
till I got to the airport.Copy !req
283. Wow, look at this place.Copy !req
284. You know, I was thinking about
giving you a nice cash bonus,Copy !req
285. - but now I don't
think I'm gonna.
- You're not?Copy !req
286. Nope. Check this out.Copy !req
287. Eric Clapton signed this guitar.Copy !req
288. Oh, my God, I love Clapton.Copy !req
289. Me too! That's why I'm
giving you the Peter Frampton.Copy !req
290. Actually, you know, I mean,
the store is doing great,Copy !req
291. you took care of the house,
so here.Copy !req
292. - You're giving me
the Clapton guitar?
- Yep, you deserve it.Copy !req
293. Uh, yeah. WB, I got something
kind of bad to tell you.Copy !req
294. Well, actually it's
kind of funny too.Copy !req
295. No, it's mostly bad.Copy !req
296. You know,
I'd say 50/50 funny, bad.Copy !req
297. I threw the most freaking awesome
party here last night and, uh, well...Copy !req
298. We broke your Frampton guitar.Copy !req
299. What's the funny part?Copy !req
300. Oh, you see, I was hoping
that was the funny part,Copy !req
301. 'cause I put
the "ha ha" in there.Copy !req
302. It made me laugh!Copy !req
303. So while I was away,
you disobeyed my wishes,Copy !req
304. used my house for a partyCopy !req
305. and broke something that
was extremely valuable to me?Copy !req
306. I have a son!Copy !req
307. - You're not mad?
- Nah, 'course not.Copy !req
308. Do I still get
the Clapton guitar?Copy !req
309. Oh, hell no. I can't
trust you worth a damn.Copy !req
310. I have
a confession to make, too.Copy !req
311. I broke your toilet seat
trying to re-heat some pizza.Copy !req
312. Yeah, and I peed in your pool.Copy !req
313. Leo, you weren't even
at the party.Copy !req
314. I know. That's why
I peed in his pool.Copy !req
315. Okay, towel.Copy !req
316. Suction.Copy !req
317. Oh, we're losing him!Copy !req
318. Time of death, 8:29.Copy !req
319. Murderer!Copy !req
320. http://hiqve.com/Copy !req