1. Man, I can't believe
Thanksgiving's tomorrow.
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2. It's that special time of
year, I like to give thanks,
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3. get Fez drunk and dress him up
like a lady pilgrim.
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4. Well, the joke's on you
because this year,
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5. I'm getting into the dress
before I get drunk.
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6. Ah, touche.
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7. Well, so long as it happens.
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8. I had Thanksgiving dinner last
night with Brooke and the baby
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9. so I could be here tonight
for Fez and the dress.
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10. Hey, guys, I got something really
different planned for Thanksgiving.
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11. But instead of telling you about
it, I'm gonna let it wash over you.
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12. But, Eric, maybe you can let
some soap and water wash over you.
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13. 'Cause since you've been out
of work, you're a little bummy.
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14. Is that Styx?
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15. And they just announced
a concert Thanksgiving night.
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16. Now, if we camp out for tickets,
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17. by tomorrow we could be
watching five guys in spandex suits
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18. shaking their hair sweat
on teenage girls.
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19. Forman, even if I liked Styx,
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20. which would mean
I was born without ears,
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21. I still can't go.
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22. My dad wants me and Angie to open
the record store by midnight tomorrow.
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23. Oh, man, Angie is so pretty.
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24. You know, looking at Angie
is like looking at
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25. something else pretty.
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26. Well said.
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27. Donna, you in for Styx?
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28. Eric, I'm a deejay. I can't
be seen at a Styx concert.
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29. It's in my contract.
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30. Well, Fez, what do you say,
my man from another land?
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31. Eric, where I come from,
we have a saying.
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32. Yuck, Styx.
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33. Remember, kids, music is joy,
comfort, a Band-Aid for a wounded soul.
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34. And if you get people to believe that
crap, you're gonna sell a lot of records.
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35. - Here are the keys
to the store.
- Thank you.
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36. I just figure whoever hasn't been
in prison should hold the keys.
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37. I thought you'd do that, so
I made an extra set for you.
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38. - Everybody gets keys.
- Thank you.
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39. Yeah, you don't know me
very well,
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40. but you're gonna have to make
three of everything.
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41. I'm starting to get you
a little bit. You're funny.
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42. All right, well, as co-manager
of this record store,
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43. my first order is
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44. a pizza.
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45. Are you crazy?
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46. We have to start
unloading records.
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47. Hey, look, I don't know
about these other jokers,
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48. but I am here to help.
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49. So if you need to get anything
off of one of these high shelves,
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50. I'll be happy to
watch you reach for it.
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51. All right, guys, we got a ton of
boxes to unpack, posters to hang.
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52. So let's hit it.
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53. I love hitting it.
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54. I love that you taught me
to love hitting it.
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55. You know, this is the first
time we've ever hit it at...
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56. Hey, this place
doesn't have a name yet.
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57. You should call it Hot Wax
Records but with a "Z." Recordz.
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58. Z's are so rock 'n' roll.
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59. Funk Man's House of Funk.
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60. Funk Man's Funky House of Funk.
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61. Funky Man's Funky
House of Hitting It.
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62. You guys writing
this down or what?
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63. Steven, that's too complicated.
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64. You need something
that sounds hot and upscale.
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65. You should call it Jackie.
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66. If you wanted hot and upscale,
you should call it Dijon Mustard.
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67. What about, like, Head Food?
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68. Headsies, The Head.
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69. That's kind of cool. The Head.
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70. - The Head.
- The Head.
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71. The Head.
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72. I smell something burning.
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73. That'd be us.
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74. Oh, man, we just came up with
the best name for the record store.
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75. It's, um...
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76. The Funky Mustard House.
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77. I thought we settled on Jackie.
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78. I just had it and then
it popped out of my head.
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79. That's it. Poppers.
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80. This is a chain. All the
stores are called Grooves.
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81. Oh, that's why
we have that sign.
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82. All right, well, let's call it a day
and hit it hard again tomorrow.
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83. Good work, everyone.
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84. Oh, wait, I just remembered
the name. Lumpy's.
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85. No, it wasn't called Lumpy's.
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86. Well, my store is
gonna be called Lumpy's.
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87. Hello, Wisconsin!
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88. First one here.
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89. Hey, you guys getting in line
for Styx tickets, too?
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90. Yeah, right.
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91. If we weren't late for this
party, we'd kick your ass.
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92. Styx rules.
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93. - What was that, dork?
- I said enjoy your party.
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94. Oh, my God!
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95. Did I miss it?
Are there any tickets left?
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96. Black Sabbath's been
sold out for weeks.
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97. No. Styx.
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98. I prefer a more lush,
orchestral sound.
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99. Yeah, well, you're the only one.
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100. Just give me the damn ticket.
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101. Man, Hyde, this listening pit
is an awesome idea.
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102. Yeah. You made a place for
people to hang out, listen to music,
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103. and feel up Angie and stuff.
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104. That's not what
this pit is for, man.
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105. It's for listening to records
and feeling up Jackie and stuff.
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106. Steven's so innovative.
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107. You know, he designed
this whole thing from scratch.
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108. Um...
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109. This is exactly Eric's basement.
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110. Oh, you're just jealous because
Steven's successful and Eric's all bummy.
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111. What is all this?
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112. What happened to
the Soft Rock section?
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113. I put it in the alley.
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114. See, that way, if somebody
comes in asking for Barry Manilow,
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115. I can send him outside
and lock the door.
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116. Steven, this store is
very important to me.
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117. When I was eight years old,
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118. Santa asked me what I wanted for
Christmas and I said, "A record store."
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119. You know what I got? A pony.
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120. What eight-year-old girl
wants a damn pony?
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121. You know, one year I asked
for a damn pony and got a car.
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122. I just want this store
to be great.
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123. Yeah, well, I think this pit
makes the store great.
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124. Really? Did you go
to business school?
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125. Well, he did a lot
of business at school.
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126. Fine, I'll get rid of the pit,
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127. but I want that entire wall
covered in Zeppelin.
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128. We can't.
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129. You know that research paper that I
gave you that you probably smoked?
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130. Well, it says that Zeppelin
scares people over 30.
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131. Good, because people over 30
don't listen to music.
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132. They move to Florida
to play golf.
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133. Man, Angie is so
awesome and classy.
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134. She's like the first page
of a Playboy layout.
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135. You know,
before you see her cans.
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136. Did you know that all that stuff
about those girls is made up?
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137. Yeah, they're not really librarians
or horse trainers or scientists.
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138. They're just whores.
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139. I wish someone would rub
my shoulders like this.
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140. Hey.
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141. Whatcha cooking, good-looking?
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142. Guess who got a ticket to
see Styx in concert tonight?
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143. Tonight?
Honey, it's Thanksgiving.
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144. Yeah, but this is
a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
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145. Mom, this ticket was
really hard to get.
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146. Was it harder to get
than the holiday traditions
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147. this family has built through
decades of love and sacrifice?
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148. Much harder.
Thanks for understanding.
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149. There's my beautiful bride.
I'll be in the garage.
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150. Red.
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151. None of the kids
are coming for dinner tonight.
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152. Laurie's in Canada,
Steven has his store,
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153. and now Eric is
going to a concert.
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154. There's no point in me
even making my special yams.
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155. What?
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156. Kitty, I love those yams.
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157. They're among the top three
reasons I married you.
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158. Well, I can't make them
if I'm sad.
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159. Look, I'll tell you what,
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160. you get started on the yams
and I'll go talk to Eric.
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161. Thanks.
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162. Gosh, my shoulders are sore
from all this cooking.
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163. Think you could
rub them a little?
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164. Kitty, it's Thanksgiving,
not Christmas.
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165. Styx, Kelso?
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166. All right, fine.
I like Styx, okay?
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167. And I don't care
if anybody knows it.
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168. That's not true.
Don't tell anyone.
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169. Why aren't you putting
the records in the bins?
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170. - What bins?
- The ones I ordered.
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171. Oh, my God.
I never ordered the bins.
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172. Hmm!
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173. That would never happen
at Jackie.
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174. What are we gonna do?
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175. There's no bins.
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176. No bins!
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177. Hey, look, man, I'll
take care of it, all right?
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178. But it's gonna cost you.
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179. Listening pit comes back,
Zeppelin goes up on that wall,
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180. and I want you to remove the
smoke detectors from the back office.
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181. Whatever you want.
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182. Oh, and also, my creepy friend
gets to hold your hand for two minutes.
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183. That would be me.
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184. Wait, all right, back off.
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185. I want to be the first one
of us who gets to touch her.
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186. You, too, with the Styx?
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187. That's a present
for my friend,
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188. Fez. Damn it.
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189. Out of my way, Dad.
Time for me to rock.
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190. You're not going to the concert.
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191. What? Why not?
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192. Look, every family has
its holiday traditions.
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193. Some sing, others play charades.
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194. In our family,
someone always cries.
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195. But I'll be damned if it's gonna
be your mother crying tonight.
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196. I can't see her like that.
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197. I love her.
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198. She threatened
not to make the yams.
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199. Just get the hell back
in the house.
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200. Okay, here's the situation.
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201. It's Thanksgiving night.
Everything's closed.
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202. We need to find
100 record bins by midnight.
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203. It's the same damn thing,
every year.
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204. Wait, I have a question.
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205. How does hair know to grow?
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206. And how far inside
your head does it go?
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207. Does it touch your brain?
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208. Okay, I think we need to get
Jerry Garcia here some coffee.
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209. Let the girl rap, I was into it.
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210. I like to think about my head.
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211. The Head, that's the name.
I saved the day.
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212. You know what would be perfect
for the records?
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213. Those boxes
that milk bottles come in.
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214. They're like crates or crepes.
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215. Crepes. How good are crepes?
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216. That'll work, man. We need,
like, 50 empty milk crates.
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217. Well, how are we
gonna drink all that milk?
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218. Wait.
We need 50 boxes of cookies.
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219. No, wastoid.
We'll steal the crates.
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220. It's perfect.
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221. Milk crates.
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222. Milk crates.
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223. Milk crates.
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224. Milky Craties.
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225. Okay. My Valium's
starting to wear off.
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226. What's happening
with those boxes?
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227. Man, we just thought of
the perfect solution.
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228. We're gonna go
get some of those...
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229. - The Head.
- Crepes.
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230. Poppers.
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231. Whatever. We'll be back.
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232. Why is it every time I leave
the room, you guys do this?
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233. It's Thanksgiving.
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234. Some people bake pies,
we bake ourselves.
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235. Thank you for opening up your
home to me on this special day.
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236. This family is all about love.
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237. Yep, spirit-crushing
tyrannical love.
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238. Drop that tone of voice,
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239. you'll be wearing that turkey
like a football helmet.
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240. Okay, now, everybody take a
feather from the paper turkey
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241. and write down something
you're thankful for,
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242. and then we'll all pick feathers
and guess who wrote them.
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243. Any questions?
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244. This is kind of off-topic,
but where can I put my belt?
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245. I'll go first.
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246. "I'm thankful for my mother/wife.
My life is meaningless without her."
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247. Whoopsie, I got mine.
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248. It would've sounded better
if someone else had read it.
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249. "I'm thankful you have pecan
pie. You do have pecan pie, right?
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250. "Because I turned down an
invitation that involved pecan pie."
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251. Hmm, Bob?
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252. "I'm thankful I didn't waste
my day at a really fun concert.
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253. "This way I can work on
becoming a bitter, old man
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254. "whose only happiness
is destroying his son's life."
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255. Kitty, hand me the turkey.
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256. I think I got Red's.
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257. 'Cause the only words I
can repeat are "Eric, little"
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258. and a word that
starts with "mother."
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259. "Mother"? That's nice.
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260. It takes
a pretty hard left turn.
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261. Thanksgiving is ruined.
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262. Don't look at me. Dad's the
one who cursed on a turkey.
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263. Kitty.
Bob, touch my yams and die.
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264. Look at all the stuff
I gotta eat.
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265. Okay, look, I'll distract him.
Jackie, give me your lipstick.
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266. Okay, but you picked a really
weird time to get into makeup, Donna.
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267. I love it when you whore
yourself for the good of the group.
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268. Hey, you.
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269. That's, um... That's a sexy
milk truck you got there.
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270. Really? Nah.
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271. Oh, yeah, that big cow
on the side is really sexy.
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272. I haven't talked to a woman
in four months.
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273. Oh, come here, big guy.
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274. She's hugging him.
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275. Okay, come on. Let's
grab everything. Hurry up.
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276. Or slow down. I'd like
to see where this goes.
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277. How could you think it would
be okay to miss Thanksgiving?
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278. You might as well
just rip my heart out
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279. and drown it in my
delicious giblet gravy.
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280. It's not just Thanksgiving.
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281. You used to have
goals and ambition.
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282. But now, one week
you're chasing butterflies,
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283. the next week you're skating around
the neighborhood dressed like Liberace.
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284. Did it ever occur to you guys
that I don't know what I'm doing?
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285. Okay? I'm scared.
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286. Of what, honey?
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287. We got rid of the spooky lamp
in your room.
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288. Look, my whole life, I've been
trying to please other people.
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289. So I feel like I don't know who I am
or know what I want to do with my life.
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290. You need a government job,
like a mailman.
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291. Something simple and repetitive.
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292. No, no, no. You know
he doesn't do well in snow.
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293. What about this?
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294. Margie's son is a chiropractor,
and she seems very happy.
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295. I just...
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296. I don't wanna wake up in
five years and hate my life.
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297. That's unavoidable.
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298. Okay, I just need
more time to think.
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299. You know what I got
for my 18th birthday?
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300. A draft notice and
a malaria vaccine.
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301. I never had time to think.
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302. Yeah, but, Dad, don't you think it
would've been helpful if you did?
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303. All right, I'll tell you what.
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304. I'll give you six months.
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305. But if you haven't
picked something by then,
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306. you'll do that chiropractic thing
that your mother suggested.
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307. Dad, I... I don't
even know what that is.
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308. Oh, honey, it's perfect for you.
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309. It's like a doctor but you
don't have to be as smart.
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310. I can't believe I had
to kiss that milkman.
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311. Donna, you've done
worse for less.
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312. Shut up.
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313. - Was it milky?
- Shut up.
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314. So, what do you think?
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315. I think I see a lot of
records in milk crates.
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316. Where are the bins
like the other stores have?
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317. - Dad, I forgot to tell you...
- Forgot to tell me what?
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318. Uh, what she forgot to tell
you was that it was my idea.
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319. See, I thought it'd look cool, you
know, like we stole them or something.
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320. Well, I don't much like it,
but we'll give it a shot.
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321. Why is Jackie
behind the cash register?
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322. Hey, funny girl,
get your hands off my money.
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323. - That was really nice of you.
- I know, and now you owe me.
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324. I want black lights,
bigger speakers
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325. and a little thing called
the five-day weekend.
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326. Hey, was Hyde being mean to you?
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327. You know, I can't beat him up
for you. But I can get Donna to.
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328. No, he was great.
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329. It's just, I've been waiting
for this day my whole life
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330. and now I don't know.
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331. I don't know what
to do with myself.
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332. Well, I think that you need
to take some time for you,
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333. and may I suggest an
evening out with Michael Kelso.
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334. Dinner, drinks
and a ride home not included.
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335. I never did have
a Thanksgiving dinner.
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336. I can buy you a taco.
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337. Oh, and then we can celebrate,
like the original Thanksgiving,
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338. with the pilgrims
and the Mexicans.
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339. Check it out.
Jackie's rocking out to Styx.
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340. So? Fez was
mouthing the words.
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341. Uh... I thought it was okay now
because Hyde was tapping his foot.
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342. Whoa, whoa.
I was just squashing a bug.
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343. How about you, Donna? You've
been kind of quiet. Are you okay?
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344. I kissed the milkman.
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345. Happy Thanksgiving, Forman.
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346. http://hiqve.com/
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