1. Good morning, Mr. Forman.
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2. Charlie, didn't recognize you
without your schoolgirl skirt.
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3. Why don't you go drink
another warehouse full of beer?
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4. Then you can get out of
those uncomfortable boy things.
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5. Wow, he came in here,
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6. just attacked you
and completely ignored me.
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7. You must be the one
the prophet spoke of.
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8. Man, I really got off on the
wrong foot with your dad.
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9. It'll blow over. How long could
he stay mad at a kid, right?
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10. You know what? Later on, I'm
gonna find him and apologize.
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11. I'm sure he'll understand.
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12. Yeah. Hey, if you're looking
for a good conversation starter,
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13. just say we were probably
wrong to go into Vietnam.
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14. Here's your breakfast, Charlie.
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15. Oh, Eric, I didn't realize you still
lived here. I thought you left for Africa.
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16. No, I've been sitting here
for, like, 10 minutes.
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17. Then you better get going or
you're gonna be late for Africa.
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18. Okay, I get it, Mom. You're trying
to make me feel bad about leaving.
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19. Oh, are you still here?
I thought you were in Africa.
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20. So, my mom's doing this whole
passive-aggressive guilt thing
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21. about me going to Africa,
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22. which basically just consists of
her saying the word "Africa" a lot.
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23. Well, I believe that if you want
someone to know how you feel,
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24. it's better to use the
direct approach, like this.
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25. - Don't go to Africa,
dill hole.
- Ow.
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26. So, Hyde, speaking of
annoying women who hit,
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27. - have you heard
anything from Jackie?
- Nope. That's fine by me, man.
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28. I mean, who does she think
she is, giving me an ultimatum?
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29. "Marry me or I'm
moving to Chicago."
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30. And then she takes off before
I even give her an answer.
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31. Well, what's the big deal, man? I mean,
she pretty much let you off the hook.
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32. Yeah. I mean, you were
gonna say no anyway, unless...
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33. Oh, my God!
You were gonna say yes.
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34. No.
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35. What? No.
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36. Oh, my God.
You were gonna marry her.
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37. You were gonna marry her
because you love her.
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38. "Hey, Jackie,
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39. "you're everything this poor
little orphan boy ever needed."
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40. "Oh, my God. I really am."
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41. "Oh, my God."
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42. Hey, I don't love her.
You know what love is?
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43. Love is for losers who
are too afraid to be alone.
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44. Oh, no,
you're thinking of kittens.
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45. Hey, so, I gotta go.
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46. I'm gonna go wrap
your going-away present.
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47. Eric, you're the one going away.
You didn't have to get me anything.
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48. Yeah, well, I knew you were
gonna get me something,
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49. and I didn't want this to be awkward
again like, you know, Christmas.
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50. Well, I did get you something.
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51. Oh, crap,
I didn't get him anything.
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52. He leaves in three days.
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53. Oh, well, why don't you
just get him an ultimatum?
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54. It's free. You don't have to wrap it.
It'll totally make him wish he was dead.
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55. Yeah. Well, it's between that
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56. or one of those shirts that
makes him look all muscley.
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57. Hello, Wisconsin!
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58. Look at the blanket
I got for our new apartment.
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59. I found it in the dumpster.
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60. It's got lots of stains,
so it goes with everything.
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61. That is so awesome.
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62. I'm not even gonna ask what
you were doing in the dumpster.
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63. - Is Steven here?
- No, he went to work.
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64. Oh, but before he left,
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65. he was chucking everything you
ever gave him all around the basement.
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66. It was like a hailstorm of
stuffed animals and Abba records.
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67. Wait, what are you doing here
anyway? I thought you left for Chicago.
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68. Well, I would have, but my
mom took the car to Tijuana
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69. and won't be back till Cinco
de Mayo, whenever that is.
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70. So, until then, I need you guys to help
me avoid the horrors of seeing Steven
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71. so I can figure out a way
to get out of here.
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72. Well, that's too bad, 'cause I think I
hear him coming down the stairs now.
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73. Oh, my God. What do I do?
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74. Okay. Quick,
get down under the blanket.
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75. He's not coming down.
I made the whole thing up
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76. and now you're
under a stinky blanket.
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77. The stinky blanket burn!
That is awesome!
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78. Oh, that is disgusting. Oh,
this blanket smells like dog.
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79. That is because when I found it, it
was wrapped around a dead dog.
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80. Uh-oh, Jackie. He's coming
for real this time. Get down!
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81. Oh, my God!
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82. - I got her!
- I got her!
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83. I am gonna kick
you both in the nads.
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84. Well, you're gonna have to do it
later because here he comes now.
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85. - Oh, well,
now I don't believe you.
- Okay, then.
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86. Hey, come on in. Good to see
you, Hyde. What's going on, buddy?
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87. She did it again!
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88. I hate you.
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89. Oh, man,
we could do this all day.
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90. Yeah, I got nowhere to be, man.
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91. I got the best
going-away present for Eric.
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92. Okay, a pen and pencil set.
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93. That way,
he can write me every day.
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94. Well, isn't that just...
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95. Donna, a going-away gift
should be something special,
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96. meaningful, personal.
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97. Okay, like what? Clock radio?
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98. Underwear?
Some spoons? Help me.
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99. No, honey, like...
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100. Okay, before Red went to Korea,
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101. I had my sister take a sexy
boudoir photograph of me.
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102. I was wearing
nothing but a fur coat.
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103. Mrs.
Forman, you bad, bad girl.
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104. It was racy.
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105. You could see my knees.
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106. Hey, Eric.
We need something to drink.
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107. Our throats are all dry from laughing
over Jackie and the stinky blanket.
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108. Jackie and the stinky blanket.
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109. It sounds like a delightful
Hardy Boys mystery.
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110. I'll tell you
what the mystery is,
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111. why aren't those boys
nailing Nancy Drew?
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112. 'Cause she's got glasses.
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113. Mystery solved.
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114. So, I gotta go over to Donna's,
get my going-away present.
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115. Man, she is, like,
the world's worst gift giver.
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116. Remember that ugly sweater
vest and that huge man ring?
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117. Now I gotta go get excited
about some other lame thing.
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118. "Oh, wow, Donna, clown shoes.
Thank you so much."
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119. I wish I had a beautiful girl
giving me clown shoes.
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120. Hell, I'd settle for a beautiful
clown giving me girl shoes.
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121. I dated a clown once.
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122. But soon as I learned how to make
those balloon animals, I dumped her.
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123. Excuse me, Mr. Forman...
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124. What the hell?
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125. Well, that was exciting.
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126. Mr. Forman, I was looking for you to
apologize about the dress thing, okay?
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127. But then I opened
the door and wow.
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128. No, no, I don't mean, "Wow."
I mean, "Oh, no!"
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129. No,
no, I don't mean, "Oh, no."
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130. Well, what were you doing
just standing there?
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131. I was like a deer caught in the
headlights. Oh, I said, "headlights."
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132. Red, it was a very
awkward situation.
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133. No one knew what to do.
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134. Well, I know what I would do
if I saw you naked.
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135. I'd turn and run the other way.
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136. I mean,
there is no reason on Earth
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137. for a 19-year-old boy to be
staring at a woman your age.
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138. Look, damn it, he's the
one in trouble here, not me.
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139. Hey, Kitty, could I have some peanut
oil? I'm gonna fry up some jumbo shrimp,
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140. which is a funny name. It's like
calling someone a giant midget.
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141. I'd like to see one of those.
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142. Get this, Bob.
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143. Charlie here walked into our
bedroom and saw Kitty naked.
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144. How was that?
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145. Well, how do you think it was?
It was horrifying.
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146. Excuse me?
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147. So, Mr. Forman, how wrong was
it for us to get into Vietnam, huh?
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148. Uh-oh. Jackie, Hyde's coming
for real this time.
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149. Quick, drink this old root beer.
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150. You know what? I am so tired
of you two lying about Steven
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151. just so you can humiliate me.
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152. Okay, you're right.
Let me make it up to you
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153. by offering you this
different, not old root beer.
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154. Jackie,
Hyde is coming right now.
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155. You know what, Michael?
I am sorry,
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156. but I am not playing
your little game anymore.
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157. Jackie.
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158. Why aren't you in Chicago?
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159. Why do you smell
like a dead dog?
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160. Okay, Donna, I'm ready
for my going-away present.
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161. Yahoo.
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162. All right, here I come.
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163. Holy Mother of Skywalker.
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164. You can do whatever you want
to Princess Leia.
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165. Her force field is down.
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166. Donna, this is the best... Wait a second,
Leia doesn't have a force field. She...
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167. You know what? I'm too
excited to quibble. Come here.
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168. I thought you left town.
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169. Why? Because you're
so amazing and incredible
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170. that I simply couldn't exist
in the same town as you
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171. knowing you couldn't
make a commitment?
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172. No, because you wrote me a
note saying that you left town.
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173. Oh!
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174. Well,
that, Steven, was a metaphor,
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175. a metaphor for the fact that
my heart and mind are gone,
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176. but my body is still here,
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177. in this very awkward situation.
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178. Want me to cover you up
with the stinky blanket?
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179. Would you guys get lost?
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180. Oh, you want your privacy.
I understand.
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181. We're just gonna go upstairs
and listen through the vent.
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182. So, what are you doing here, Jackie?
You got something you wanna say to me?
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183. Yes.
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184. I wanted to say that I'm
leaving for real this time.
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185. So you came back to tell
me that you're leaving again?
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186. Yes, but this is goodbye.
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187. All right,
I'll see you tomorrow then.
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188. Steven, I'm serious.
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189. So want to hang out next week?
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190. I'm going.
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191. Unless...
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192. Unless, Steven, there's
something you'd like to say,
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193. in which case, I'm listening.
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194. Yeah.
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195. Have a good trip.
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196. I will.
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197. Can you guys stand
closer to the vent and talk louder?
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198. Wow, so, it's like,
I can do anything I want?
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199. Can I touch your buns?
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200. What? You wanna touch my butt?
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201. No, not those buns. You know,
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202. the buns.
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203. Eric, that seems kind of weird.
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204. Yeah. You know what?
That is, like, a little weird.
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205. Maybe I'll just rub my face
up against one of them?
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206. Okay.
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207. Leia.
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208. Oh, Leia.
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209. Donna, meet me downstairs
for fried shrimp in T-minus 20 seconds.
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210. Wear an old shirt.
These things are greasy.
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211. Wow, that's almost enough to take
you right out of the moment, huh?
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212. Okay, Donna. From now on,
the only thing I'd like you to say is,
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213. "Use the force, Eric."
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214. - Okay, that seems kind of...
- Donna.
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215. Use the force, Eric.
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216. Man, and now Mr. Forman is even
madder at me since I saw Mrs. Forman naked.
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217. I mean, doesn't he know
I went to Catholic school?
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218. I don't even know what
any of that stuff is.
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219. Now what exactly did you see?
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220. And I'm only asking because I find
Ms. Kitty attractive in a sexual way.
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221. I know how you can get back
on Red's good side.
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222. Walk in on him naked.
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223. No way, man. I do know what
that stuff is, and I don't want to see it.
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224. No, seriously.
Look, it's perfect.
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225. Look, Red assumes that everyone
is either a pervert or an idiot.
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226. - He thinks I'm both.
- He thinks I'm both.
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227. See, and if you
walk in on Red naked,
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228. he's gonna assume that you're
the biggest idiot in the world.
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229. That kind of makes sense.
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230. You know, you probably hear this
all the time, but you're really smart.
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231. I do hear that all the time.
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232. Hey, Jackie, how'd it go with
Hyde? Did he ask you to stay?
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233. No. But even if he did,
I can't stay,
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234. because I've got a career
waiting for me in Chicago.
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235. But I am stuck here in this
stupid place with no way out.
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236. Jackie,
you know what would help?
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237. If you eat this dirty Milk Dud.
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238. Shut up, Fez.
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239. Jackie, I'm here for you, okay?
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240. So I'll even give you a ride.
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241. Really?
Michael, that would be great.
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242. And I won't do anything,
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243. because frankly,
I don't have much to offer.
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244. You guys smell smoke?
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245. Everyone out of the house!
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246. I used too much
oil in the Fry Baby.
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247. The whole kitchen's
filled with smoke.
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248. Bob? Bob, are you okay?
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249. Yeah, I'm fine, but my shrimp are ruined.
So I'm gonna have to eat with you guys.
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250. I hope you're making
something good, Kitty.
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251. Fire! Fire!
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252. What the hell is on your head?
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253. I'm still wearing the helmet,
aren't I?
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254. What did you do to my daughter?
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255. Nothing.
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256. I was a perfect gentleman.
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257. I just squeezed her buns.
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258. I suggested a photograph,
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259. not a go-go dance
from outer space.
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260. I smell like smoke
from Bob's damn fire.
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261. If Kitty's looking for me, I
went upstairs to take a shower.
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262. Now's your chance
to catch Red naked.
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263. - He's gonna think
I'm such an idiot.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
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264. Give him enough time
to take everything off.
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265. You don't want to walk in on
him wearing nothing but socks.
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266. That would just make
this whole thing weird.
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267. Oh, boy.
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268. Get back here, you pervert.
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269. That boy just
can't get enough of me.
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270. Sorry my present
didn't work out.
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271. Well...
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272. I mean, we are alone now.
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273. And I think I know exactly what
might get you back in the mood.
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274. A little romantic music.
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275. Where were we? Oh, yes, you
were a prisoner aboard the Death Star.
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276. And I am the only stormtrooper with
the keys to your laser chastity belt.
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277. That's in the movie?
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278. Donna, it's implicit.
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279. God, I'm gonna miss you, Eric.
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280. I'm sorry. What was that?
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281. Use the force, Eric.
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282. All right, here we are.
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283. Good luck in Chicago.
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284. Michael,
this is the bus station.
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285. Yeah.
I said I'd give you a ride,
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286. and then under my breath I
whispered, "To the bus station."
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287. No, no, no.
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288. No. I can't ride the bus.
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289. Other people's butts
have been on those seats.
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290. Well, I'm not driving you all the way
there. That's, like, two hours away.
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291. Michael, you put this car in gear
and take me to Chicago right now.
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292. You know what?
You haven't changed at all.
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293. You're still just a spoiled little
princess who gets by on her good looks,
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294. and bitchy demands,
and mean and painful pinches.
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295. Yeah, well, you still
don't have any manners.
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296. A real man wouldn't let
the princess ride the bus.
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297. Well, you know what?
You're not even a princess.
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298. You're just a little bossy boss.
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299. That's right, Michael.
I'm the boss,
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300. and you're taking the boss
to Chicago right now.
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301. Ahhh! Fine!
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302. You're always
telling me what to do.
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303. I've missed this.
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304. Please, Mr. Stormtrooper,
I'll do anything you want
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305. if you only spare
the planet Alderaan.
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306. Eric, you have a line.
We rehearsed this.
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307. Wait a minute.
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308. Fez!
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309. But I just want to touch the
buns. Let me touch the buns.
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310. http://hiqve.com/
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