1. h
Copy !req
2. ht
Copy !req
3. htt
Copy !req
4. http
Copy !req
5. /
Copy !req
6. http://
Copy !req
7. http://h
Copy !req
8. http://hi
Copy !req
9. http://hiq
Copy !req
10. http://hiqv
Copy !req
11. http://hiqve
Copy !req
12. http://hiqve.
Copy !req
13. http://hiqve.c
Copy !req
14. http://hiqve.com/
Copy !req
15. http://hiqve.com/
Copy !req
16. It's funny, Eric.
Copy !req
17. I thought I told you to
clean out the Vista Cruiser,
Copy !req
18. but what I must have said was,
"Go sit on your ass."
Copy !req
19. No, I was there, Red. You definitely
said, "Go clean out the Cruiser,"
Copy !req
20. but he just
insists on being defiant.
Copy !req
21. Look, I'm sorry, Dad, but
something really important came up.
Copy !req
22. I Dream of Jeannie did her blinking thing,
and now Dr. Bellows thinks he's a monkey.
Copy !req
23. No, Dr. Bellows is a monkey
that thinks he's a doctor,
Copy !req
24. that's what's funny.
Copy !req
25. He's sitting at the desk
and stuff, but he's a monkey.
Copy !req
26. You're a monkey.
Copy !req
27. You're a monkey.
Copy !req
28. Eric, I need that car to go
pick up Charlie at the airport.
Copy !req
29. You're bringing
another guy here?
Copy !req
30. We need another guy here like I need
another firecracker in my bathing suit.
Copy !req
31. Well, until you learn
to stop wearing Speedos,
Copy !req
32. you're gonna keep
getting firecrackers.
Copy !req
33. Charlie's this
annoyingly nice kid.
Copy !req
34. His dad and my dad were
drinking buddies in the Navy.
Copy !req
35. We weren't drinking buddies. We
were finely honed killing buddies.
Copy !req
36. Yeah, well, I never liked him.
Copy !req
37. At the last Navy picnic, we
got teamed up for the egg toss,
Copy !req
38. and he dropped our egg, on purpose,
just so these little sick kids could win.
Copy !req
39. Those little twerps went home
with my goldfish in a bag.
Copy !req
40. My goldfish.
Copy !req
41. Yeah, well, Charlie's only gonna be
here a few days on business for his dad,
Copy !req
42. and the last thing he needs is
to be exposed to you deviants.
Copy !req
43. Whoa, Dad, we are not deviants.
Copy !req
44. Jeannie's bending over!
Copy !req
45. Let's go.
Copy !req
46. You guys, I gotta talk to Steven
about something really serious.
Copy !req
47. - Maybe she's pregnant.
- Maybe she cheated on him.
Copy !req
48. Maybe she cheated on him
and she's pregnant.
Copy !req
49. Oh!
Copy !req
50. Steven, this TV producer called to
tell me he loved my public access show.
Copy !req
51. And then he offered me a job at his
station in Chicago starting next week.
Copy !req
52. Whoa. You're gonna take a job
and move to Chicago?
Copy !req
53. No, no, not yet. Well, I wanted
to talk to you about it first.
Copy !req
54. Oh!
Copy !req
55. This is serious serious,
not funny serious.
Copy !req
56. We should probably leave.
Copy !req
57. But we won't.
Copy !req
58. Steven,
this is my dream come true,
Copy !req
59. but you are the most important
thing in the world to me.
Copy !req
60. So I'm willing to give it all
up and stay here with you.
Copy !req
61. But if I do that, I need to
know we're gonna get married.
Copy !req
62. Jackie, we just agreed
not to talk about our future.
Copy !req
63. But our future is
happening right now.
Copy !req
64. Look, the station needs an answer
by noon on Sunday, and I do, too.
Copy !req
65. Well, I don't know
what to say right now.
Copy !req
66. I know this is
a sensitive moment,
Copy !req
67. but may I offer
a word of advice?
Copy !req
68. Run!
Copy !req
69. Hello, Wisconsin!
Copy !req
70. Eric, you remember Charlie.
Copy !req
71. Well, I remember a
perfectly tossed egg from me,
Copy !req
72. an unconvincing
"whoops" from him,
Copy !req
73. and the sound of laughter
Copy !req
74. as some children ran away
with my goldfish in a bag.
Copy !req
75. Eric, you put
some kind of spin on that egg,
Copy !req
76. it was uncatchable
like a curveball.
Copy !req
77. Ha. Your whole
story's unraveling, man.
Copy !req
78. I can't throw a curveball.
Copy !req
79. Dad, tell him.
Copy !req
80. I'm gonna have to side
with my son on this one.
Copy !req
81. He can't even
throw a straight ball.
Copy !req
82. Charlie, I made you
a pancake smiley face
Copy !req
83. with sausage arms and a
little scrambled egg cardigan.
Copy !req
84. Where's my whimsical breakfast?
Copy !req
85. Oh, well, since you decided to go
teach in Africa without consulting me,
Copy !req
86. all you get is
a plain pancake breakfast
Copy !req
87. with nothing smiling at you.
Nothing.
Copy !req
88. - Morning.
- Hey, I smell bacon.
Copy !req
89. Hey, boys, have you met Charlie?
Copy !req
90. - Oh, hey. I'm Kelso.
- Hi.
Copy !req
91. I'm gonna eat your breakfast.
Copy !req
92. And I'm Fez, and just so you
know, I'm the coolest guy in this gang.
Copy !req
93. All right, I gotta go to work.
Copy !req
94. Charlie, if Eric and his
friends start to bother you,
Copy !req
95. just hold up a book.
It's like kryptonite to them.
Copy !req
96. Oh, hey, Donna.
Copy !req
97. Are you still mad
about this whole Africa thing?
Copy !req
98. Yep, but instead of pouting at
my house and being miserable,
Copy !req
99. I decided to come here
and make you miserable.
Copy !req
100. That's the spirit, Donna.
Copy !req
101. Here, eat his bacon.
Copy !req
102. You made me bacon?
Copy !req
103. Yep, I just kept it
over here in America.
Copy !req
104. Mmm. Bacon.
Copy !req
105. Wow, who's she?
Copy !req
106. Don't even think about it. Donna
is with Eric and then she's mine.
Copy !req
107. And then she is mine.
Copy !req
108. And then, right back to me
for another go-round.
Copy !req
109. Hey, Hyde, I heard about
Jackie. What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
110. Well, I spent all morning kicking it back
with my stash to see what came to me.
Copy !req
111. But all that came to me
was a great idea for a movie
Copy !req
112. that now I just can't remember.
Copy !req
113. Is that what that smell was?
Aren't you afraid you'll get arrested?
Copy !req
114. I'm a cop.
Copy !req
115. You guys are crazy.
Copy !req
116. The closest I ever came
to breaking the law
Copy !req
117. was when me and my
friend, Toby, cut out of school
Copy !req
118. five minutes
before the last bell.
Copy !req
119. My heart was beating so fast.
Copy !req
120. 'Cause you were naked?
Copy !req
121. No.
Copy !req
122. I don't get it.
Copy !req
123. You know what, Hyde?
Copy !req
124. Your problem is you didn't handle
Jackie's ultimatum like a man.
Copy !req
125. Like, if Donna tries that with me,
I'm just gonna say, "Hey, guess what?
Copy !req
126. "You don't get to tell me
what to do with my life."
Copy !req
127. And then, depending on
how much steam I have left,
Copy !req
128. I may even call her toots.
Copy !req
129. Hey, Eric.
Copy !req
130. You know how guys always ask me out,
but I say no because I have a boyfriend?
Copy !req
131. It's true, she won't budge.
Copy !req
132. Well, since you're going to
Africa, I figured, you know,
Copy !req
133. I should be moving
on with my life, too.
Copy !req
134. And there's this guy
named Kevin where I work,
Copy !req
135. and he asked me out tonight.
I said yes.
Copy !req
136. What? You're gonna...
Oh.
Copy !req
137. I think I see
what's going on here.
Copy !req
138. Looks like somebody's
caught the ultimatum bug.
Copy !req
139. Okay, I'll play along.
Copy !req
140. You're gonna go out
with this Kevin guy or what?
Copy !req
141. Or nothing.
This isn't an ultimatum.
Copy !req
142. Okay, I'm prepared
for an ultimatum.
Copy !req
143. I need to figure out what I'm gonna
wear. Maybe that really short pink skirt.
Copy !req
144. Oh, that's over at my place.
Copy !req
145. - You have her skirt?
- Don't judge me, new guy.
Copy !req
146. It feels so good not to be
the monkey in the middle.
Copy !req
147. Dance, monkey, dance.
Copy !req
148. I can't believe Donna's going
out with this guy from work.
Copy !req
149. You know, I made a point
of going down there
Copy !req
150. and spreading a rumor
that she had crabs.
Copy !req
151. Don't talk to me, Forman.
Copy !req
152. This whole thing with Jackie
is all your fault.
Copy !req
153. How?
Copy !req
154. Because I wouldn't have even
been in the basement last night
Copy !req
155. when Jackie came over, if we had
gone to go play pinball like I wanted.
Copy !req
156. But you wouldn't go.
Copy !req
157. So now I gotta
figure out my entire life
Copy !req
158. because you claimed the
change guy touched you weird.
Copy !req
159. He put the quarters
right into my pocket.
Copy !req
160. I'm tired of
messing with Charlie.
Copy !req
161. He's not even reaching
for the ball anymore.
Copy !req
162. Well, you know, if you want, we
can hang out at my dad's warehouse.
Copy !req
163. That sounds great.
Copy !req
164. - Really?
- No, shut up.
Copy !req
165. All right, well, I have to get
down there and unlock the door.
Copy !req
166. We're getting a shipment today.
Copy !req
167. - Shipment of what?
- Beer. My dad owns a beer warehouse.
Copy !req
168. - Your dad owns
a beer warehouse?
- Mmm-hmm.
Copy !req
169. You can touch the ball now.
Copy !req
170. You had to see Eric's face
when I told him about my date,
Copy !req
171. he was all
nervous and surprised.
Copy !req
172. It reminded me of his sex face.
Copy !req
173. Donna, I don't wanna hear about
Eric's sex face. I'm upset enough.
Copy !req
174. You wanna know what the best
part is? I don't even have a date.
Copy !req
175. I made the whole thing up
just to mess with Eric's head.
Copy !req
176. I wish I had manipulated Steven
instead of opening up my heart.
Copy !req
177. Now I'm the vulnerable one
waiting for his answer.
Copy !req
178. Yeah, I was a little surprised.
Copy !req
179. I mean, the bitchy stuff
is your bread and butter.
Copy !req
180. You know, I had fake pregnancy right
up my sleeve and I didn't even use it.
Copy !req
181. Whoa.
Copy !req
182. Holy crap. That's the
most beer I've ever seen.
Copy !req
183. Let me just hit the lights.
Copy !req
184. Let me rephrase that. That's
the most beer I've ever seen.
Copy !req
185. It's the mother lode.
Copy !req
186. It's like now I know
how the immigrants felt
Copy !req
187. when they finally saw the
majestic skyline of New York City.
Copy !req
188. Actually, Eric, most of the
immigrants arrived in the 19th century
Copy !req
189. before
the skyline was ever built.
Copy !req
190. I mean, beer!
Copy !req
191. I... I...
Copy !req
192. I don't know where to start.
Copy !req
193. You know, the kegs are cold.
Why don't we start with the kegs?
Copy !req
194. Hey, we'll handle this, new guy.
Copy !req
195. We'll start with the kegs.
Copy !req
196. There's nothing like drinking
beer straight from the tap.
Copy !req
197. This must be why
babies love breast-feeding.
Copy !req
198. Reminds me of an ancient
Chinese proverb. It goes,
Copy !req
199. something, something,
something, crazy girlfriend,
Copy !req
200. something, something,
drink lots of beer.
Copy !req
201. Hyde, I don't think we're gonna
find the answer to our problems
Copy !req
202. in a keg of beer.
Copy !req
203. Unless they're at the bottom,
so drink up.
Copy !req
204. I've been in this warehouse a
hundred times, and I never did this.
Copy !req
205. Now I know why
my grandmother's an alcoholic.
Copy !req
206. This is great.
Copy !req
207. I'm gonna need a bigger mouth.
Copy !req
208. Girls, please tell me
that Charlie is here.
Copy !req
209. Wait, isn't he at
your house with the guys?
Copy !req
210. No.
Oh, sweet Lord, they got him.
Copy !req
211. You know, Donna, you should be out there
trying to keep Eric from going to Africa
Copy !req
212. instead of sitting
here on your patootie.
Copy !req
213. Well, I'm doing everything
I can. I even lied to him
Copy !req
214. and told him I was out
on a date with another guy.
Copy !req
215. Sweetie, that's amateur hour.
Copy !req
216. God gave you a very full chest, I
suggest you start using it on my son.
Copy !req
217. I cannot believe Eric went out. He's
supposed to be at home agonizing.
Copy !req
218. Well, maybe they went out to buy
flowers for when Steven proposes.
Copy !req
219. No, they would
have just sent Fez.
Copy !req
220. They're out having fun, and that
is exactly what we're gonna do.
Copy !req
221. Okay, here's what I don't get.
Copy !req
222. Why would Sally sell seashells
down by the seashore?
Copy !req
223. I mean, that's a terrible
location for a seashell stand.
Copy !req
224. Yeah, I mean,
if she wanted to make money,
Copy !req
225. she would sell
seashells by the subway.
Copy !req
226. You know what she should sell
by the seashore?
Copy !req
227. Shoeshines, 'cause
your sandals get so sandy.
Copy !req
228. Sandy sandals.
Copy !req
229. We should start a girl band
called Sandy Sandals.
Copy !req
230. What's wrong?
Copy !req
231. Well, sand reminds me of dirt,
and dirt reminds me of Steven.
Copy !req
232. Jackie, I'm sure Hyde
will do the right thing.
Copy !req
233. You know, I thought if I
really put myself out there,
Copy !req
234. he'd see how much I love him
and say yes right away.
Copy !req
235. And then when he didn't,
I thought,
Copy !req
236. okay, well, maybe he'll take a
couple hours and then say yes.
Copy !req
237. But now I think he's only taking
so long 'cause he's gonna say no.
Copy !req
238. Donna, what if he says no?
Copy !req
239. Jackie, if Hyde says no,
Copy !req
240. then you and I get a van, and
the Sandy Sandals tour America.
Copy !req
241. And in a nutshell,
that's what it's like
Copy !req
242. to be on the debate team
at a Catholic high school.
Copy !req
243. Yeah,
I love Catholic schoolgirls.
Copy !req
244. They don't teach sex ed, so
they don't know what not to do.
Copy !req
245. Yeah, maybe, but I never really
got together with any of them.
Copy !req
246. Wait, you never...
Copy !req
247. Wait,
wait, wait, everyone, wait.
Copy !req
248. Before you start in on him,
let me just say,
Copy !req
249. when I was a virgin,
Copy !req
250. all I wanted was for one
person to say it was okay.
Copy !req
251. And no one did.
Copy !req
252. Neither will I. Freak!
Copy !req
253. Okay, I finally made up
my mind about Jackie.
Copy !req
254. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna be Mrs. Jackie Hyde.
Copy !req
255. I think you need one more beer.
Copy !req
256. Could be.
Copy !req
257. Virgin.
Copy !req
258. Man, how do you not have sex
Copy !req
259. with all those girls that are
always throwing themselves at you?
Copy !req
260. That doesn't happen
to everyone, jackass.
Copy !req
261. How dare she give me an ultimatum?
This is my life she's messing with.
Copy !req
262. She can go to hell.
I will see her in hell.
Copy !req
263. Maybe one more.
Copy !req
264. One more couldn't hurt.
Copy !req
265. Eric, I wonder what
Donna's doing on her date.
Copy !req
266. Oh, you know what, man?
I don't care.
Copy !req
267. She just wants me to come running
after her, and I'm not gonna do that.
Copy !req
268. You know what? That is
totally the right move, man.
Copy !req
269. Plus, it's, like, after 9:00,
so if you go over there now,
Copy !req
270. you'll probably walk in on her and
that guy sliding all over each other.
Copy !req
271. And if I know Donna,
she's moaning like a ghost.
Copy !req
272. Okay, Donna does
not moan like a ghost.
Copy !req
273. I could make her
moan like a ghost.
Copy !req
274. You know what, guys?
Copy !req
275. I'm a little confused,
Copy !req
276. but I do know
that I love you guys.
Copy !req
277. I really, really do.
Copy !req
278. Hey, where'd Kelso go?
Copy !req
279. Well, hello, toots.
Copy !req
280. Back from your
date so soon, huh?
Copy !req
281. Used to be you have
to buy a girl dinner,
Copy !req
282. if you wanted her to slide all
over you moaning like a ghost.
Copy !req
283. Okay, you know what? I didn't
have a date, but I should've.
Copy !req
284. - Wait, so you lied?
- Yeah, I was pissed.
Copy !req
285. I mean, all of a sudden,
you're leaving me.
Copy !req
286. Well, look, I'm only
gonna be gone for a year.
Copy !req
287. I don't care.
I don't want you to go.
Copy !req
288. I mean, you've always been, like,
20 steps away from me my entire life.
Copy !req
289. What am I supposed
to do without you?
Copy !req
290. Look, Donna, this is gonna be
really tough for both of us.
Copy !req
291. But, hey, you know what?
Copy !req
292. The good news is,
when I come back,
Copy !req
293. we're gonna spend all
this time together because,
Copy !req
294. you know, you're probably gonna
have to nurse me back to health
Copy !req
295. from some
horrible African disease.
Copy !req
296. Look, you know I love you.
Copy !req
297. - And we're wasting
our time fighting.
- I know. You're right.
Copy !req
298. We should just enjoy
the time we have left.
Copy !req
299. Yeah, I'm all for that.
Copy !req
300. Well, it's not what I
had in mind, but okay.
Copy !req
301. Wait, Eric, you're back.
Copy !req
302. Where's Steven?
Copy !req
303. Uh...
Copy !req
304. Okay, he's passed out in
the back of a beer warehouse.
Copy !req
305. You mean, he's not coming.
Copy !req
306. He's gonna say no. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
307. Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
308. What?
Copy !req
309. I'm too drunk anyway.
Copy !req
310. All right,
you two, where's Charlie?
Copy !req
311. Look, Dad, not so loud, okay?
We had a really rough night.
Copy !req
312. Oh, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
313. Where's Charlie?
Copy !req
314. Who's Charlie?
Copy !req
315. Last time I saw him,
he was on a stack of kegs
Copy !req
316. claiming Mount
Schlitz for the US.
Copy !req
317. Oh, crap, and he was a good kid.
Copy !req
318. Now who am I
gonna spend time with?
Copy !req
319. I don't know. Me.
Copy !req
320. Don't be a smart ass.
Copy !req
321. Well, it's almost noon.
Copy !req
322. Guess I gotta go talk to Jackie.
Copy !req
323. What are you gonna tell her?
Copy !req
324. I don't know, man.
Copy !req
325. I'm thinking about letting the El
Camino make the final decision.
Copy !req
326. If it pulls to the left, marriage,
pulls to the right, nudie bar.
Copy !req
327. So you haven't decided?
Copy !req
328. No, I've decided.
Copy !req
329. Steven?
Copy !req
330. Jackie stopped by and
asked me to give you this note.
Copy !req
331. Oh.
Copy !req
332. It says she took the job in
Chicago and she left this morning.
Copy !req
333. Oh, you poor baby.
Copy !req
334. You know what?
I am gonna turn my back
Copy !req
335. and let you go into the
kitchen and have a beer.
Copy !req
336. That better be Charlie.
Copy !req
337. Mr. Forman,
is this your daughter?
Copy !req
338. I don't know who did this to
him, but they sure are clever.
Copy !req
339. They put you in a dress, huh?
Copy !req
340. Welcome to Point Place.
Copy !req
341. Listen,
Charlie, about last night,
Copy !req
342. I know you're thinking
you're getting picked on a lot.
Copy !req
343. Hey, I know you guys
are just having some fun.
Copy !req
344. Let me finish.
Copy !req
345. Around here, I'm the
whipping boy, not you, me.
Copy !req
346. - Okay.
- Let me finish.
Copy !req
347. I do the drinking and I put on
the dresses. You got it, hotshot?
Copy !req
348. - Got it.
- Would you let me finish?
Copy !req
349. I'm finished.
Copy !req
350. http://hiqve.com/
Copy !req