1. Hmm, blonde.
More fun.
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2. Everything is more fun.
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3. Donna, if you only knew what I'd
like to do with you and your new hair,
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4. you would beat
the crap out of me.
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5. You know, I might just beat
the crap out of you anyway.
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6. Yes.
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7. So now that Donna's
not Big Red anymore,
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8. I guess we have to go back to
what we called her when she was 12.
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9. Jugs-a-popping.
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10. Man, I hated Jugs-a-popping.
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11. Well, you shouldn't have
had popping jugs.
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12. Speaking of objectifying women,
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13. Jackie, there's a Take Back
the Night rally tonight at the park.
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14. Do you wanna go?
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15. Oh, and be with your deep-voiced
gal pals? Mmm! No, thank you.
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16. This is important.
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17. Women should be able to
walk through the park at night
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18. without being harassed
by weirdo men.
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19. Hey, that was one time!
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20. I'll go.
Really?
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21. You'd be, like,
the only guy there.
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22. Although, there is some
question about Shirley.
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23. No, it'll be great. Why don't you
come by when Hyde's dad is here?
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24. We'll go over there after that.
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25. Yeah, it's my Steven's
big night.
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26. He finally decided he
wants to meet his real daddy.
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27. I kept hearing
this voice telling me,
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28. "Meet your father.
Meet your father."
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29. I finally said okay,
Jackie shut the hell up.
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30. I did, it's a true story.
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31. Get off the phone!
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32. Okay, any minute now,
Brooke is going into labor.
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33. All right? And I gave her the number
of all the places I was gonna be.
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34. I cannot miss this call.
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35. Looking good there, Big Red.
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36. We're going with
Jugs-a-popping again.
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37. Oh, that's a good one.
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38. And it's as true now as it
was the first day of fifth grade.
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39. That was a popping summer.
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40. Steven, I am so happy we
finally found your real father.
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41. Here. I framed the
blood test results for you.
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42. Now, I spoke to him
this morning,
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43. and I told him how your
parents abandoned you
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44. and we took you in,
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45. and it's hard for you
to say it out loud,
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46. but that you love me
because I saved your life.
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47. Kitty, I'm not sure...
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48. He would be dead on the streets.
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49. Okay, he's here.
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50. Now, Steven, fix your hair.
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51. Eric, don't mumble. Red,
don't yell at Eric if he mumbles.
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52. Hi, is this the Formans'?
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53. You know, I'm sorry, I
told your friend last week,
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54. we don't want a subscription
to Ebony magazine.
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55. No, no, no, no.
We spoke over the phone.
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56. I'm William Barnett.
I'm Steven's father.
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57. Oh!
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58. I mean, come in, come in.
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59. Everybody, I want you
to meet Steven's father.
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60. Steven, look.
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61. I'm looking.
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62. It's good to meet you, Son.
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63. I've really been
looking forward to this.
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64. I wanted to get you a card, but they
don't have one for our unique situation.
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65. So, here.
Happy First Communion.
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66. Wow.
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67. You came from him?
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68. Yeah, I'm not sure
I see the resemblance.
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69. What are you talking about?
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70. My 'fro,
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71. my coolness,
my suspicion of the Man.
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72. This explains so much.
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73. Hello, Wisconsin!
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74. Well, Mr. Barnett, please, sit
anywhere you like on this big day.
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75. After all, how often does a kid
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76. get to meet his very own father?
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77. So far, I'm up to twice.
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78. Hey, would you like a drink?
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79. Perhaps a cool drink
for our cool visitor?
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80. No, thanks, but I think all
of you could use a Scotch.
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81. That's crazy,
we're totally relaxed.
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82. Hey, you know what show I love?
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83. The Jeffersons.
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84. "Dy-no-mite."
Right?
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85. "Dy-no-mite" is from Good Times.
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86. Oh, well, I watch them all.
I mean, I don't discriminate.
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87. So father and son.
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88. Yep.
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89. Well, I...
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90. I guess Steven must
have gotten his mother's...
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91. Eyes. Eyes.
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92. Steven got his
mother's pretty eyes.
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93. Right.
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94. Or as I like to say,
"Right on."
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95. Okay, well, nobody's talking
about the elephant in the room,
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96. so I'll do it.
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97. You're black.
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98. Mom!
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99. Okay, please, Mr. Barnett,
we're very open-minded.
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100. Oh! Oh, no,
he's right.
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101. I, myself, love that
singer Art Garfunkel.
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102. Art Garfunkel's white.
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103. Really?
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104. Well, his name's got
the "funk" in it, so I...
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105. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
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106. Red, who's that
black person I like?
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107. Martin Luther King?
Yes!
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108. You know,
I'm beginning to feel like
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109. you haven't had a lot of
black people in this house.
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110. Well, I mean, it's certainly
not because we didn't want to.
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111. Right, right, no, it's just there
haven't been any available.
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112. You know, it's Wisconsin.
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113. Well, I know
all about Wisconsin.
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114. The only place around here
where you'll see
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115. white and black together
is on a cow.
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116. That's right! Sure!
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117. So, William, what
kind of work do you do?
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118. I own a chain of record stores.
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119. Record stores. That's
cool, huh? Yeah.
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120. I was afraid you were
gonna be a cop or something.
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121. I don't like cops.
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122. I don't like cops, either.
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123. Hey, who do you think shot JFK?
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124. I don't know, because they
don't want me to know.
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125. Check it out, man. I'm
a chip off the old block.
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126. Man, I wish Mom
had told me about you.
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127. Hey, when was the
last time you saw her?
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128. Oh, years ago. We were
dating and she just disappeared.
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129. I guess she married the man
you thought was your father
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130. and told him that you
were his baby. Yeah.
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131. Mom must have been pretty
relieved when I came out white, huh?
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132. Hello? Brooke, it's me.
Did you have the baby yet?
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133. No? Are you sure?
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134. Okay, well, I'm in
the kitchen now, so...
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135. No, it's the same number, but I'm
in the kitchen, so when you call...
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136. No, you just gotta think,
"Kitchen, kitchen, kitchen."
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137. Okay.
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138. This is
so exciting. Yeah.
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139. You're going to be a father,
and I'm going to be all alone.
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140. My clock is ticking.
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141. I just don't want to screw
this thing up, you know?
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142. When that kid opens his eyes,
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143. I want his daddy, who loves him,
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144. to be the first thing he sees.
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145. Plus, I don't want him
to get switched at birth
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146. with one of those babies
that doesn't speak English.
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147. Why are you here?
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148. This isn't your home.
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149. It still wouldn't kill you
to put up some pictures of me.
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150. I got it!
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151. Hello?
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152. Charlie Schmidt!
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153. I haven't talked to you
since the war.
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154. You know, I wasn't even sure
they pulled you out of the water.
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155. If I had known...
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156. Never call here again!
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157. Kelso... Well, I gotta
keep the line open.
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158. I'm gonna kill you and
mount your head on the TV.
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159. And if it helps me
get better reception,
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160. it'll do more for me than
you have in your whole life.
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161. Oh, Fez, Michael, meet
William Barnett, Steven's father.
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162. Good to meet you both.
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163. Will you look at that?
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164. Yeah, I'm half black, man.
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165. Kind of puts all the pieces of
the puzzle together, don't it?
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166. Hey, I'm having a kid soon. I
wonder if mine's gonna be half black.
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167. Is the mother black?
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168. No.
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169. I have to say,
Mr. Barnett,
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170. it's nice to see another
person of color in this town.
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171. White people, you know
what I'm talking about?
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172. Can't say that I do.
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173. Oh, I hear you, brother man.
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174. Eric, are you ready to go?
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175. I wanna get to
the feminist rally in time
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176. for the Hugh Hefner pinata.
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177. Ooh! Uh, Mr. Barnett, this
is Donna. Donna, this is...
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178. I'm Steven's father.
I'm black, and it's okay.
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179. Wow!
Whoa! Donna, please,
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180. do not flip out on the man just
because of the color of his skin.
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181. I would never do that.
I would never do that.
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182. Okay, Donna, let's just go,
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183. and maybe in the car
we can have a little talk
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184. about how hurtful our
preconceived notions can be.
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185. Power.
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186. Steven, this is so exciting.
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187. I know, I met my dad.
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188. And he's rich.
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189. Now, instead of waiting for you to get
off your butt and make some money,
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190. we can just inherit it.
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191. Wait a minute,
you mean inherit it from me?
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192. No, no, no, no.
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193. All she means is that
you are doing quite well.
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194. When I talked to your secretary
and she put me on hold,
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195. there was music on the line.
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196. Ha! I thought to myself,
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197. "Well, this is a man who
can afford a thing or two!"
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198. I see, so you knew I had money
before you invited me here?
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199. Is that supposed
to mean something?
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200. I don't know.
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201. Why don't you tell me, Steven?
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202. What are you talking about?
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203. Well, I mean,
we don't have to play games.
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204. I can give you money,
if that's what you're after.
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205. That's who you think I am?
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206. I'll see you guys later.
Steven...
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207. No, you know what?
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208. I didn't need anything
from him growing up,
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209. and I don't need
anything from him now.
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210. You know,
that was very rude of you.
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211. And I can't believe I'm saying
this to someone wearing cashmere,
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212. but, well, I don't think
we can be friends.
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213. How could you
say that to Steven?
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214. He doesn't want your money,
I want your money.
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215. How could you think that
anybody here needs your money?
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216. Look at this place.
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217. Glass grapes,
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218. pizza rolls, an organ.
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219. It's like Carnegie Hall.
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220. I stand by what I said. What
else was I supposed to think?
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221. You're supposed to look at me
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222. and know that
I raised fine young men.
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223. Even though one of them
is at a feminist rally.
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224. Mr. Barnett,
you are wrong about Steven.
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225. He's perfect.
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226. I think you should go.
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227. I agree.
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228. I was gonna pack you
some leftovers,
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229. but that ship
has sailed, mister.
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230. I hope this doesn't
discourage you
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231. from inviting a second
black person into your home.
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232. What do we want?
A safe park!
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233. And when do we want it?
Now!
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234. I can't hear you, ladies!
When do we want it?
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235. Now!
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236. Take back the night!
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237. This feels really good, Donna.
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238. You know, I... Women should
be able to walk through this park
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239. without being afraid.
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240. In fact, someday, I hope
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241. that I can walk through
this park without being afraid.
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242. It helps to whistle.
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243. Well, I'm really
glad you came with me.
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244. And I loved seeing how passionate
you got singing I Am Woman.
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245. Well, I'm having
a lot of fun, Donna,
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246. and I'm sorry,
but you look so hot.
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247. Your new blonde hair
shining in the light
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248. of the burning effigy
of that molester.
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249. Hey, I got an idea.
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250. Why don't we go "take back"
the area behind that bench?
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251. When do you want it?
Now!
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252. Brooke,
did you have the baby yet?
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253. Fez?
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254. No, this is your baby.
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255. And I'm really ugly.
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256. Okay, I know this is a prank,
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257. 'cause there's no way
my baby would be ugly.
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258. Hello?
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259. Yes,
is your refrigerator running?
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260. Because if it is, you
better go catch it. Burn!
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261. Stop calling me!
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262. What?
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263. Are you mad?
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264. No, Fez.
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265. Look, you sound mad.
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266. Well, I'm fine.
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267. You say the words, but I
can tell you don't mean it.
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268. Look, just don't
call me anymore!
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269. Why do you keep hanging
up on me if you're not mad?
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270. I'm waiting to hear from
the mother of my child!
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271. So you are mad.
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272. Curl up with the phone
so we can talk this over.
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273. Fez, I'm hanging up.
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274. Fine, just hang up, then.
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275. Fine.
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276. Are you still there?
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277. Yeah, I'm still here.
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278. Hey.
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279. Hey.
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280. Thanks for not hanging up.
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281. I'm just so mad at
that William Barnett.
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282. I mean, thinking you wanted
something from him.
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283. Everyone knows
I'm all you've ever desired.
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284. Look, if I was in his place,
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285. I probably would have thought
the same thing, you know?
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286. It's not a big deal. I just
wanted to meet the guy
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287. and find out if he looked like I
imagined my father would look like.
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288. By the way, no.
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289. Well, who needs
a father, anyway?
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290. You know what?
I've been doing just fine
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291. since my dad disappeared
into the jungles
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292. to bring freedom to
the grateful natives.
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293. Jackie, your father is in prison
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294. for embezzling
$60,000 from the city.
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295. I'm pretty, don't contradict me.
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296. Bring it on, ladies.
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297. You know what's great?
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298. There's,
like, half-a-dozen women
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299. on the other side of that hedge
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300. who would kill to be
where I am right now.
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301. Ow! Ow! You're on my hair.
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302. Your beautiful blonde hair?
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303. Get off me! Get off!
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304. Hey, there's a woman in
trouble. Let's get him, sisters.
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305. What? No, no!
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306. That's right, you pervert.
No means no.
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307. No, ladies, please. I'm...
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308. I'm one of you!
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309. Let's put these
work boots to use.
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310. Run, Eric!
Run like Bruce Jenner!
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311. Oh, crap,
he doesn't know sports.
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312. Open up,
it's Dr. Baby Doctor.
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313. I have your baby
and he wants to talk to you.
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314. It's just me.
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315. I'm not a doctor,
and I don't have your baby.
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316. Burn!
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317. That was a good one.
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318. Listen, this baby stuff's, like,
really important to me, okay?
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319. So I'm trying to
take it seriously.
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320. Hey, say no more. My
sensitive friend, I am sorry.
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321. No more phone
pranks from now on.
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322. Learn to trust your friends.
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323. Mr. Sexy's Pizza.
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324. Our special today is sex-a-roni.
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325. Fez! God!
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326. Hello?
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327. Brooke!
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328. What? Your water broke?
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329. What does that mean?
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330. Oh, God, that's disgusting.
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331. No, why would you tell me that?
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332. Oh, jeez!
Okay, okay, I'm on my way.
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333. This is it!
I'm having a baby!
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334. Go get 'em, buddy!
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335. Mr. Sexy's Pizza.
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336. Our special today is sex-a-roni.
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337. Well, it's like pepperoni,
but sexy.
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338. You mean, you want some?
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339. We're closed.
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340. Hey.
Hey.
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341. So I was wondering if
maybe we could try this again.
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342. Yeah, I mean, it worked
so well the first time.
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343. I'm sorry about that. Thing
is, if I grew up with nothing
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344. and found out I
had a dad with money,
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345. I would have thought
maybe he owed me something.
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346. Well, that's not me.
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347. I know. But when we first met,
I thought I saw myself in you.
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348. Yeah, I can see that.
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349. You and me, it's like
looking in a mirror.
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350. So you want to go
get a beer or something?
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351. I can get you in some places
you've probably never been to.
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352. Oh, like that cool
jazz bar off the highway?
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353. No, no, I'm talking about
country clubs, fancy restaurants.
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354. I'm rich as hell, man.
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355. Everything okay here, Steven?
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356. Yeah, everything's fine.
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357. I am so glad you're back.
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358. I felt horrible letting you
go off without any leftovers.
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359. It's nice meeting you, Red.
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360. And you're right. You have
raised some fine young men.
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361. Yeah, I'm real proud of them.
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362. They stole all my clothes.
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363. Who?
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364. The angry mob of feminists.
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365. Man, look at you. They even
shaved off all your body hair.
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366. Yes.
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367. Yes, they did.
Copy !req
368. So Kelso has a child.
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369. I cannot wait to see the smile
on that sweet little face.
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370. And I'll bet
the baby's cute, too.
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371. It is so cool that
Steven's father is rich.
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372. You know, it almost makes up for
my father being locked away in...
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373. I mean, native land.
Copy !req
374. Eric, I'm so sorry about
what happened at the rally.
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375. It was like watching an antelope
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376. get taken down on Wild Kingdom.
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377. This is permanent marker, Donna.
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378. I don't think
this is coming off!
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379. http://hiqve.com/
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