1. Okay, the game is Password.
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2. The box says,
"Using one-word clues,
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3. "get your partner
to say the secret word
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4. "without using the word
yourself."
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5. - Okay, what if...
- Donna, please.
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6. I already read the box.
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7. - But, Fez...
- I said "box."
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8. Okay, here are your
secret words and good luck.
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9. Okay, Eric, staircase.
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10. Jedi.
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11. I'm sorry, that's wrong.
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12. Hyde?
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13. Um...
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14. Fat.
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15. Staircase.
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16. Fat.
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17. - Escalator.
- Yes.
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18. That is correct.
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19. - What?
- What the hell?
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20. Jackie, see me later
for your prize.
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21. Oh, we are so better than you.
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22. Eric, how did you get "Jedi"
from "staircase"?
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23. Donna, the path to becoming
a Jedi has many steps, duh.
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24. You guys, I just took my
baby girl to the playground,
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25. and she's just like her daddy.
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26. She's way cuter than all the
other babies, and she eats bugs.
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27. Wow, Michael, you've spent every
weekend this month with Betsy.
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28. The only other thing you've done
this consistently was cheat on me.
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29. That's not true, he also glues
himself to stuff with amazing regularity.
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30. Whatever.
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31. Look, Brooke is totally starting
to trust me now with Betsy,
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32. and she's letting me
pick out Betsy's godparents.
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33. And she only has one rule,
it can't be Fez.
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34. Well, that is a smart rule.
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35. Godparents? Like we need
any more responsibilities.
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36. I know, such a burden.
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37. Okay, so I've been thinking
about this a lot, all right?
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38. And it's a big deal, so...
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39. - Eric, Donna.
- Uh-oh.
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40. Please, skootch over so I can
ask Hyde and Jackie
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41. if they'll be
Betsy's godparents.
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42. - What the hell?
- Hyde and Jackie?
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43. We win.
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44. I was voted most popular,
best legs, and now, Godmother.
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45. What can't I do?
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46. And the password is
burn.
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47. Hello, Wisconsin!
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48. Oh, my God,
this place is a mess.
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49. Well, it's obvious,
you've had a break-in.
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50. And that pizza box is a clue.
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51. Yep, they're Italian.
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52. Someone broke into my store.
What if they stole something?
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53. Oh, no.
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54. It's okay, my stash is safe.
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55. Not entirely.
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56. I got into it
a little bit yesterday.
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57. You guys, what are we gonna do?
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58. What are we gonna do?
We don't have to do nothing.
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59. Nothing big was taken,
probably some kids having fun.
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60. Fun?
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61. Yeah, you know, fun,
that thing you've never had.
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62. I have plenty of fun, okay.
Michael, I'm fun, right?
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63. You're good-looking.
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64. Well, I think you would make
a great godparent, Eric.
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65. You were so sweet
with your pet fish.
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66. Remember, you'd feed it
potato chips and say,
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67. "Look, everybody,
fish and chips."
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68. All I remember is flushing it
down the toilet when he killed it.
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69. Who takes a fish
out of the tank?
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70. I just needed to hug something.
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71. Why do you think
Kelso didn't choose us?
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72. Well, picking godparents
can be very nerve-racking.
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73. When Laurie was born, we
agonized over that decision for weeks.
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74. And we chose well. Mike
and Cookie were good people.
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75. Wait, so, who are my godparents?
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76. Well, they're the...
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77. The Hoffenschnoppers.
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78. I'm sorry, the who?
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79. The Hingingloobers.
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80. Okay, I think you just said
the Hoffenschnoppers,
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81. and then you said
the Hingingloobers.
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82. And I'm not sure,
but I don't think we know
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83. any Hoffenschnoppers
or Hingingloobers.
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84. Come on, what's supposed to
happen to me if you guys die?
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85. Maybe you'll finally move out
and get a job.
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86. You know, the responsibilities
of being a godmother never ends.
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87. You know, I spent all day
buying matching outfits.
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88. You know, life is so much more
fulfilling now that I'm shopping for two.
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89. Okay, being a godmother
isn't all about buying stuff.
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90. Oh, yeah?
What's it about then?
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91. Oh, you don't know, either.
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92. You guys, great news.
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93. Brooke is gonna let me
have Betsy on the weekends.
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94. Oh, my God. If Betsy's
coming here on weekends,
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95. we're gonna need matching
godmother-goddaughter badminton skirts.
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96. Now you're just trying
to make me mad.
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97. Okay, you know what? We don't
have to stand here and take this.
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98. - Yeah.
- Let's go.
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99. Where are we going?
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100. I don't know, but we are just going
to stand outside until they leave.
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101. Well, I am proud of you, Michael,
getting so involved in your baby's life.
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102. A child needs
a strong, loving father.
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103. Well, I am glad
you feel that way.
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104. So you won't mind,
when Betsy visits,
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105. if we stay up in Laurie's room?
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106. No.
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107. No babies.
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108. We get enough crying
around here with Eric.
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109. Come on, Laurie's not using it.
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110. It's a great room
with a very comfortable bed.
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111. How the hell
would you know that?
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112. The... Laurie always
had such good posture.
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113. That indicates
a quality mattress.
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114. - What's wrong
with your house, honey?
- It's not safe.
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115. If my brothers don't step on
her, one of the dogs probably will.
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116. - You have dogs?
- No, we don't know
whose they are.
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117. - Hey, you're here early.
- Not early enough.
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118. We were broken into again.
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119. Well, at least these kids
leave more than they take.
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120. We're not being robbed, man,
we're being cluttered.
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121. - I'm calling the cops.
- No, don't call the cops.
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122. Why not?
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123. 'Cause then they show up
and they act all coppy.
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124. You know what I think?
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125. I think you're the one
coming in here at night.
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126. Why would I come here
when I have a house?
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127. Well, a basement.
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128. Why don't you tell me about
the $10 missing from the register?
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129. Are you accusing me of stealing?
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130. Well, you don't want me
to call the cops.
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131. And of all the people I know,
and I know 28 people,
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132. you are, by far,
the most likely to burgle.
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133. Yeah, you know, I don't actually
have to take this from you, Angie.
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134. - I thought
you didn't call the cops?
- I didn't.
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135. Guys, I don't know
how to turn off the siren.
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136. Hey, Fez, let me
ask you a question.
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137. If you were choosing godparents,
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138. wouldn't you choose
Donna and me?
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139. Well, in my country
we don't have godparents.
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140. If something happens to
your parents, tough crap.
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141. You're a bum.
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142. You Americans
and your safety nets.
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143. Hey, Eric,
are your folks around?
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144. Why, do you wanna bestow some
honor on them that we should rightly have?
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145. No, I'm trying to sneak this
crib up into Laurie's room,
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146. and I figure if I get it up there,
there's no way they can get it down
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147. 'cause they're too old.
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148. Kelso, I just can't believe
you picked Hyde over me.
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149. I mean, what exactly was your
criteria in choosing a godparent?
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150. I mean, was it the ability
to shoplift a keg?
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151. My reasons are complicated.
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152. Complicated or stupid?
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153. There are elements of both.
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154. Down.
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155. - But...
- Down.
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156. Well, we were broken into
again last night,
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157. but you already know that
since it was you.
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158. Yeah, you busted me, Angie.
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159. Sneaking into my own store so I
can eat pizza and listen to Neil Sedaka.
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160. After the second break-in, I had Michael
install a hidden surveillance camera.
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161. It's the same one
he tried to use in my shower.
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162. You spied on me?
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163. Yep, and I thought we could watch
the tape, for the first time, together.
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164. Hey, I'm watching Perry Mason.
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165. Oh, guess what?
Perry Mason wins.
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166. It's not if he wins, it's how.
That's the magic, damn it.
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167. Oh, look, there's Michael.
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168. Even when he's not here,
I have to see his ass.
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169. I've seen it almost as many
times as I've seen his face.
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170. Oh, look. Someone's coming in.
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171. Fez?
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172. Hey, Red, am I late for Perry
Mason? Ooh! Who's that handsome...
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173. Uh-oh.
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174. - Fez, what are you
doing there?
- It was a secret.
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175. I... I thought I was alone.
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176. Okay, I know Fez pretty well
and if he thought he was alone,
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177. we need to stop
this tape right now.
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178. Fez, man, why were you staying
at the record store?
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179. Well, last week
my Bible-thumping host parents
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180. found out that
I already graduated,
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181. so they kicked me out and
took all my money as back rent.
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182. And then they gave me a Bible.
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183. Well, I wish
you'd been reading that
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184. instead of the porno magazines
I found in my office.
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185. You know, Angie, some things
you could keep to yourself.
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186. I don't understand why you
didn't just ask us for help.
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187. I mean, we're your friends.
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188. It was my damn Latin pride.
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189. - So you're Latin.
- No, just my pride is.
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190. And I also have
a Swiss sense of frugality.
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191. Steven, how could you not know
your friend was a hobo?
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192. Well, now that I think about it,
some things do make more sense.
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193. - Hey, man, where the hell
are my keys?
- Oh, here they are.
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194. I just borrowed them,
but I didn't make a copy.
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195. - Why would you make a copy?
- Why would I borrow them?
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196. - To make a copy?
- Why would I make a copy?
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197. Okay.
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198. - Did you just take
a shower here?
- No.
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199. - Why are you wearing a towel?
- Because otherwise
I'd be naked.
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200. Oh, there they are.
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201. Hey, I was just happy he's
wearing underwear again, all right?
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202. I can't believe Kelso didn't choose
us. What could be wrong with us?
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203. Well, there's nothing
wrong with you.
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204. I love you just the way you are.
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205. - Yeah, and I love you
just the way you...
- Although, well...
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206. It might be that
you don't have a job.
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207. Oh, here it comes.
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208. You've just been dying to
get this off your chest, huh?
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209. I don't have a job.
I play with toys.
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210. Maybe you'd like to talk about how I
didn't show up for the wedding, too?
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211. Oh, well, I don't need
to talk about that
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212. because I relive it every
morning when I wake up alone.
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213. Oh, really? Well,
you used to be a redhead.
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214. You dyed your hair. God, it's like
everything about you now is so fake.
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215. Whoa!
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216. You said you loved my hair.
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217. I had to say that, Donna,
to keep you happy.
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218. You trap people,
you're a trapper.
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219. Nobody wants a trapper
for a godmother.
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220. Wait a minute.
What are we doing?
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221. You know what?
You're right, let's back up.
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222. Man, why do we want to be
godparents so bad?
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223. Well, I want it for the joy of
nurturing the spiritual growth of a child.
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224. - I want it for the prestige.
- Yeah, me, too. I was just saying that.
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225. Hello.
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226. Man, why does everybody
look so serious?
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227. Did the Goodyear Blimp crash?
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228. Why?
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229. No reason.
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230. Some people shoot
bottle rockets at it.
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231. Fez has been living
in the record store
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232. because his host parents
threw him out.
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233. What kind of parents
would kick a child out?
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234. And will they teach me
how they did it?
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235. You wanna be mean?
You don't get a sandwich.
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236. I think what they did to you
is just awful.
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237. - He broke into my store.
- Which you
accused me of doing.
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238. Accusing your own brother?
You don't get a sandwich, either.
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239. Anyway, Fez, maybe you can
stay in Laurie's room.
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240. No.
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241. I would rather fill that room
with cement.
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242. Yeah, respect the man's wishes.
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243. Besides, that room
is for me and Betsy.
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244. I don't get a sandwich.
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245. Okay, I have an idea.
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246. You and Fez both need
a place to live, right?
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247. Yeah.
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248. And living alone can get
kind of lonely, can't it?
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249. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.
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250. - You see where
I'm going with this?
- I do.
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251. We each get our own apartment and
we call each other on the phone a lot.
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252. Or we could be roommates.
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253. Roommates?
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254. That is an awesome idea.
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255. What were you thinking of,
Ms. Forman?
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256. That you two
should be roommates.
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257. Oh, thanks, but we
already thought of that.
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258. All right, why did you
choose them over us?
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259. - Is it 'cause
I don't have a job?
- Is it because I dyed my hair?
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260. Look, I don't have a job because
Hyde turned me into a burnout.
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261. And I dyed my hair because
Jackie destroyed my self-esteem.
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262. Also, I rock as a blonde.
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263. Are you beginning to see the
influence that they have on people?
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264. I'm telling you,
if you stick with them,
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265. your daughter's just gonna be a
burnout, low self-esteem lump with no job.
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266. All right, you're just trying
to make us look bad.
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267. Yeah, they're doing a decent job
of it. Kelso, why did you pick us?
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268. Oh, great, now I feel awkward.
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269. Look, I picked them because I think
they're gonna last longer than you.
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270. - What?
- They just broke up
and got back together.
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271. Well, at least
they're doing something.
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272. What are you guys doing?
You don't know, nobody knows.
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273. They're just
a safer bet right now.
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274. Oh, my God.
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275. This is better than when
he made us godparents.
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276. We win everything.
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277. Wow. Well, I don't really
have a speech prepared
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278. but I just wanna thank
you guys for sucking.
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279. Look, you guys,
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280. if I knock somebody else up
you're totally on the list.
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281. I can't believe he doesn't
think we're gonna last. It's...
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282. I mean, you don't think
he's right, do you?
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283. Well, I don't know. We have,
kind of, been drifting this last year.
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284. No. No, not drifting,
you know, exploring.
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285. Exploring is drifting, Eric.
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286. Oh, you know what?
This is all your fault.
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287. You're always saying that
something is something else.
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288. God, it's like you're a big,
blonde thesaurus.
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289. - Well, excuse me
for knowing words, Eric.
- Okay, you know what?
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290. This fight keeps going nowhere
and you wanna know why?
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291. We are actually freaking out
over something that Kelso said.
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292. Kelso, the guy
who doesn't understand
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293. how hot dogs survive
in the wild without eyes.
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294. Okay, so you're not...
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295. - You're not worried then?
- No.
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296. I don't know, maybe a
little bit, but I'll tell you what.
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297. - I'm gonna find a job.
- Great. And I am gonna
dye my hair back.
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298. No. Oh, no, no,
the blonde stays.
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299. I'm still using it.
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300. All right, man,
you accused me of stealing.
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301. That's why I've thought up a
very clever way of getting you back.
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302. Today you wear the rainbow Afro.
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303. Actually, you know what?
I don't think so.
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304. Watch this.
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305. I don't care about that.
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306. Everybody knows
I sing Sinatra all the time.
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307. Whoa, shoplifter.
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308. Amateur.
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309. Here's two bedrooms
with one-and-a-half baths.
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310. A half bath?
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311. How's the water stay in?
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312. Here's one with a dishwasher.
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313. I don't want another foreigner
living with us.
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314. We don't need
a dishwasher anyway.
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315. - Who's gonna do the dishes?
- We'll just order in.
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316. You never wanna
take me anywhere.
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317. http://hiqve.com/
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