1. h
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2. ht
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3. htt
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4. http
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5. /
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6. http://
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7. http://h
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8. http://hi
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9. http://hiq
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10. http://hiqv
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11. http://hiqve
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12. http://hiqve.
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13. http://hiqve.c
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14. http://hiqve.com/
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15. http://hiqve.com/
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16. Guys, check it out.
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17. Somebody just left all these
toys at the police station.
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18. Guess they figured, if cops
have something to play with,
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19. then we won't stress out and
accidentally shoot somebody.
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20. Or, and stay with me here,
Inspector Meathead,
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21. maybe these toys
are for the toy drive.
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22. Yeah, Kelso,
these toys are probably
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23. all those needy kids get
on Christmas morning.
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24. Holy crap, is that
an Evel Knievel stunt cycle?
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25. Oh, my God, let's set it up!
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26. We have to find something
for Evel Knievel to crash into,
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27. like something funny.
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28. Fez, lie down over here
and close your eyes.
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29. Man, I feel just like a
kid on, like... I don't know,
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30. like, some morning where kids
get to open a lot of presents.
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31. Guys, I don't feel
right about this.
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32. Oh, buddy, we're not gonna
aim it at your head.
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33. No, I'm not
worried about my head.
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34. Awesome. He's not
worried about his head?
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35. Let's aim it at his head.
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36. No, I'm just...
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37. I just don't feel right about
taking these toys away from kids.
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38. Oh, but, Fez,
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39. this could be the Christmas
that I never had.
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40. My parents wouldn't get me
cool stuff when I was a kid.
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41. Every year, I got a raincoat.
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42. And then,
to make sure it worked,
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43. we had to go outside and Red
would spray me with the hose.
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44. Yeah, Fez.
What about my Christmas, man?
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45. I mean, I'd wake up in the
morning, rush out in my PJs,
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46. and find what strange man Santa
had left laying underneath my mother.
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47. Fine. We'll each open
one present. But only one.
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48. All right.
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49. Look at what we've done.
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50. What should we do now?
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51. We need batteries.
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52. - A buttload.
- Yeah.
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53. Hello, Wisconsin!
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54. Ho, ho, ho!
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55. Thanks for helping me with
my Christmas party, girls.
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56. You know, this is the most
important event of the year
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57. for the Ladies of Point Place,
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58. or as we like to call
ourselves, the LOPPs.
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59. You know, the LOPPs are known for
being super stuck-up and totally two-faced.
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60. I can't wait till I get in.
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61. Hey, Mrs. Forman?
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62. I need, like,
a buttload of batteries.
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63. What for?
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64. Oh, um, Kelso wants to see
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65. how badly he can shock himself.
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66. Oh, okay, they're in the drawer.
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67. Oh, hey, Steven, don't forget about
the Ladies of Point Place party tonight.
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68. Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Um, I can't go.
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69. Something more
important came up.
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70. But you promised you'd go.
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71. Jackie, if I promised,
I clearly wasn't listening.
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72. Which you should've known,
so this is your fault.
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73. I can't believe Steven.
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74. He knows this is a big deal to
me, and he doesn't even care.
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75. Jackie, don't be so hard on him.
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76. I know it's a big deal to you
and I don't care.
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77. Knock, knock.
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78. Patty Ryals, I didn't know
you were back in town.
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79. Well, you always return
to where you were young,
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80. which I know, for you, Kitty,
is a long time ago.
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81. Actually, I just
dropped by to tell you
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82. I'm taking over tonight's Ladies
of Point Place Christmas party.
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83. What? No, I'm in charge.
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84. Past tense.
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85. The LOPPs remembered that
you aren't the most reliable I of PP
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86. after I reminded them about
the punch-bowl incident of 1973.
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87. You dredged up
my Chappaquiddick?
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88. What did Mrs. Forman do?
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89. She spiked the wrong punch bowl.
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90. I missed the sixth grade
Christmas play
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91. 'cause I couldn't
walk a straight line.
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92. VertiBird central,
you are cleared for takeoff.
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93. Prepare to transport funion.
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94. We have visual.
Funion's remaining secure.
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95. VertiBird to Kelso,
prepare to receive funion.
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96. Roger that.
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97. Awaiting funion.
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98. Funion's under attack!
Funion's under attack!
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99. Steady with the funion.
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100. Houston, the funion has landed.
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101. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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102. - What's going on?
- Eric flew a funion
into my mouth.
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103. This is what's more important
than going to a party with me?
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104. Jackie,
I think you're overreacting.
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105. And yes.
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106. You guys seriously
need to grow up.
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107. Okay.
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108. I think someone's a little mad that
we didn't fly a funion into her mouth.
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109. Okay, Steven, I'm going
to that Christmas party,
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110. and if you don't come with me
right now, you are in so much trouble.
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111. Right now!
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112. I'm opening the door.
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113. I'm stepping outside.
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114. I'm closing the door.
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115. You are
in so much trouble!
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116. You know, I thought
Steven was maturing.
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117. He's out of high school,
he's got a job,
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118. and lately he's even been taking
his sunglasses off inside the house.
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119. That's real progress, Donna.
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120. Well, maybe what's
going on with Hyde
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121. is the same thing that's
going on with my boyfriend,
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122. Lieutenant Funion.
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123. It's that stupid Kelso.
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124. He's always talking
them into having fun.
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125. Steven should not be having
fun, he should be with me.
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126. Okay, girls,
time to get to the party.
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127. Well, Jackie, look, I think Eric and
Hyde are feeling the pressures of life,
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128. and they want to
have one last blowout.
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129. Okay, Steven does
not need a blowout,
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130. he needs a kick in the nads.
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131. It's Christmas.
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132. At holiday time, we say, "He
needs a kick in the sleigh bells."
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133. Kitty, these decorations
look awful.
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134. This isn't your living room.
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135. Everything has to match.
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136. You should have mentioned that
to your plastic surgeon.
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137. Jackie Burkhart.
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138. Welcome to the LOPPs'
Christmas party.
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139. Where's your boyfriend?
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140. Oh, um, he can't be here.
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141. He's at rich stockbroker school.
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142. Well, then I'm just
gonna have to seat you
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143. with the Single
Ladies of Point Place.
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144. The SLOPPs?
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145. Ha!
You're a SLOPP.
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146. Hey, there, hi, there,
ho, ho, ho there.
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147. Patty Ryals? It's me.
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148. Well, yes, Santa,
it's good to see you.
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149. Bob Pinciotti.
We went out that time?
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150. I didn't have the beard then,
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151. although I think I wore
a similar red jacket.
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152. Speaking of which,
that's rented,
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153. so try not to sweat through it.
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154. What a woman.
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155. Bad news, Kitty.
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156. I went by the police station
to pick up the toys.
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157. They've been stolen.
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158. - What?
- Yeah.
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159. Makes me think the police
in this town aren't that good.
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160. Red, getting those gifts here
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161. was the only job Patty left me.
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162. Okay, you need to go home, you
need to find something, anything,
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163. to wrap up and give
away at the party.
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164. Oh, fine.
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165. But this counts as one of
your Christmas presents.
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166. This is horrible.
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167. Taking toys from children.
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168. What kind of monster
would do such a thing?
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169. I'm a monster!
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170. It's broken already?
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171. This toy's stupid.
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172. Looks like somebody
needs a nappy-nap.
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173. No, I want to
open another present.
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174. - Forman, just take a rest.
- I'm not tired, okay?
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175. Can I have a turn?
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176. I'm playing with it.
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177. You're supposed to share.
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178. I don't wanna.
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179. What the hell?
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180. Where did all these
toys come from?
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181. Well...
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182. Dad, I guess I'm just gonna
have to tell you the truth.
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183. It was Santa Claus.
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184. How could you do this?
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185. I told them it was wrong,
I told them.
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186. But then they drove
a toy into my head,
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187. and it was all
blurry after that.
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188. These toys were
for the needy kids
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189. at your mother's party,
you idiot.
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190. Oh, man.
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191. There's, uh, no chance
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192. that they might want
a raincoat, is there?
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193. Red, the thing is, is that
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194. these toys are too
nice for the needy kids.
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195. You need to start them off
with something simple, like
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196. a ball of yarn.
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197. Look, Dad, I think
we can safely say
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198. that none of this
would have happened
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199. if you had just bought me
an Evel Knievel stunt cycle
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200. when I was younger.
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201. I bought you one of those.
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202. Santa left it under the tree
that year with...
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203. Oh, wait.
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204. Okay, Eric's all tucked in,
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205. put out carrots
for the reindeer,
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206. and a little wine for Santa.
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207. Look at this thing
that I got for Eric.
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208. You rev up the bike
and Evel Knievel goes flying.
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209. In real life he's a moron,
but as a toy he's awfully fun.
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210. Let me see if I can make it
over the garage.
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211. Go!
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212. Damn.
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213. I really thought I could
make it over the garage.
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214. Oh, well,
everybody makes mistakes.
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215. I'm gonna give you
a pass on this one.
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216. Just get these presents wrapped
up and over to the community center.
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217. Okay. Yeah,
we'll take care of it, Dad.
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218. All right.
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219. I think it's clear
what we gotta do.
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220. Yeah.
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221. Can we at least drive the stunt
cycle into Fez's head one more time?
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222. What do you say, buddy?
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223. Well, it is Christmas.
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224. - Set it up, boys.
- All right! Very nice.
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225. All right, Kitty.
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226. I brought some stuff
from the house
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227. that I'm sure
the kids are gonna love.
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228. A cheese grater?
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229. Kids love cheese.
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230. It's like Play-Doh to them.
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231. Look, don't worry. The real
presents are gonna be here soon.
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232. How do you know?
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233. Because you have
to believe, Kitty.
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234. Like me.
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235. Believe in Christmas.
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236. We need to stall.
Read the kids a story.
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237. Well, I have a book in the car,
but it's about the Korean War.
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238. Well, go get it.
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239. Better those kids suffer
emotional damage
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240. than I look bad in
front of the LOPPs!
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241. Tell you what.
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242. Santa will bring you
the bike for Christmas
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243. if you go bring Santa a hoagie.
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244. You know what I'd really
like for Christmas?
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245. Patty Ryals.
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246. All you men ever think about
is what you want.
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247. What about what we want?
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248. Boys never grow up.
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249. You know, one minute they agree
to go to a party with you, and the next,
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250. they're in a basement
full of stolen toys.
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251. And you're no better.
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252. Sitting there
pretending to be Santa Claus.
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253. You're not Santa Claus?
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254. No. No, no, he is.
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255. He is, it's just that
she is the evil Ice Witch.
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256. Come on, let's get you
some grown-up punch.
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257. Well, since we can't bring these
presents through the front door,
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258. looks like the chimney's
the only way in.
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259. I love being on a rooftop.
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260. You can really see the whole
town spread out in front of you.
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261. It really is
a crappy town, isn't it?
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262. All right, who's gonna
take the plunge?
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263. Not me.
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264. If we were jumping off
the roof, I'd do it, but...
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265. This just seems foolish.
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266. You know what?
I'll do it.
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267. I've always wanted to save the
day by sliding down a chimney.
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268. That opportunity comes up
surprisingly rarely.
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269. All right.
I'm gonna do this.
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270. Okay, looks like it might be
kind of a tight fit.
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271. I don't know if I'm gonna
fit all the way down!
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272. All right.
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273. Toss down the toys.
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274. It's okay, Forman,
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275. we're just gonna sneak them in
through the back door.
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276. There's a back door?
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277. Yeah, I saw it on the way in.
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278. I just wanted to see one of
you guys go down the chimney.
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279. "Blood ran like a river that
day on Heartbreak Ridge.
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280. "Hundreds of soldiers had given
their lives and limbs trying to take..."
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281. Trying to take the North Pole.
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282. "The North Koreans..."
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283. The North Pole Korean elves
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284. "were weary from
heat on that sun-baked..."
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285. " Snowy Christmas Eve.
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286. Kitty, where are the toys?
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287. Oh, um...
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288. This year, in order
to build anticipation,
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289. I hid them behind the curtain.
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290. You can't see them now,
not because they're not there,
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291. but because they're
behind the curtain.
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292. Hidden.
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293. Well, the children won't wait.
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294. Gladys, open the curtain.
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295. No, no, no, wait. Wait.
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296. Boys and girls, I'm sorry.
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297. I just, you know, I think
Santa hasn't quite finished his...
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298. Okay, kids, go get 'em.
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299. Who was in charge
of giving out the toys here?
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300. It was Kitty.
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301. I think she's been drinking.
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302. Well, it was perfect.
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303. The LOPPs would like you
to run our Valentine's party.
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304. I'm in charge? Oh!
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305. Oh!
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306. This is the same as
Lyndon Johnson
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307. being sworn in on the airplane
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308. after President Kennedy was...
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309. Well, that was a tragedy,
but I'm in charge!
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310. You hear that, Patty Ryals?
She's in charge.
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311. So you will be
taking orders from her.
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312. So put that in your
face-lift and smoke it.
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313. Oh, look
at the two of you.
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314. Isn't this just
the most special Christmas?
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315. Where's Eric?
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316. Yeah, um...
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317. Um, yeah,
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318. just a quick question.
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319. Um, where does that
chimney up on the roof go?
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320. Well, I'm kind of
a chimney enthusiast.
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321. Oh, well, that goes into
the bakery next door.
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322. Hello?
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323. Hyde?
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324. Somebody?
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325. I'll be at the bakery.
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326. Damn.
That's a nice crop of SLOPPs.
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327. Look at who decided
to finally show up.
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328. Jackie, are you still mad?
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329. Come on, man,
this is not a big deal.
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330. I mean, six months ago, you would
have thought this is really funny.
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331. Yeah, six months ago.
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332. Steven, you can't
act like this forever.
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333. I need to know
the guy I'm in love with
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334. isn't gonna blow me off
for a room full of toys.
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335. That's not a guarantee
I can ever give you.
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336. Well, things are
changing, Steven.
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337. I mean, we're practically
grown up.
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338. Yeah, and you know what?
I'm just trying to have a little fun
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339. before I settle down
and life goes to crap.
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340. Is that what you think?
That life with me will be crap?
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341. That's not what I said.
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342. No, it's okay. At least
now I know how you feel.
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343. Jackie.
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344. I'm sorry, I don't
remember our date, Barry.
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345. It's Bob.
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346. But since it is Christmas Eve
and we are both alone,
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347. would you like to
get some dinner?
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348. I like the way you're thinking.
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349. Or we could skip dinner.
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350. Well, I'm more active
with a burger in me.
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351. Hey, Hyde,
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352. you and Jackie fix things up?
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353. I don't know, man.
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354. If she wants to ruin
Christmas, fine by me,
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355. 'cause I am not
playing her game.
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356. It's the stupid needy kids
who are playing games.
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357. They took all of our games.
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358. Look what I found in the
bakery, curled up in the fireplace.
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359. What the hell?
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360. You guys just left me there.
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361. If I hadn't landed on,
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362. well, some of the most delicious
baked goods that I ever tasted,
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363. I very well could have
starved to death.
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364. All right, man,
I'll make it up to you,
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365. 'cause I got a Christmas
present for everybody.
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366. This is one messed up
Christmas, man.
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367. You guys are all starting
to look like elves.
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368. That must have freaked you out.
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369. - It's gonna fall off.
- It's okay.
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370. Oh, my God,
it is gonna fall off.
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371. - It's okay.
- Okay.
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372. Let me give you my recipe
for holiday cheer.
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373. Take one SLOPP,
add half a bottle of schnapps,
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374. then stir freely with Fez.
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375. It is a wonderful life.
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376. - Merry Christmas, Son.
- Oh, my God.
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377. You finally got me
an Evel Knievel stunt cycle!
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378. Ooh, you can go outside
in your new raincoat
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379. and give it a try.
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380. Ooh.
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381. Oh, Red. Not again.
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382. Well, it's his own damn fault
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383. for wanting a toy that's so fun.
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384. http://hiqve.com/
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