1. h
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2. ht
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3. htt
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4. http
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5. /
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6. http://
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7. http://h
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8. http://hi
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9. http://hiq
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10. http://hiqv
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11. http://hiqve
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12. http://hiqve.
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13. http://hiqve.c
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14. http://hiqve.com/
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15. http://hiqve.com/
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16. I think we have a really
big shoplifting problem.
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17. I just did inventory and
there are 30 records missing.
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18. Oh, Angie, I forgot to tell you,
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19. I moved those to the annexe,
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20. otherwise known as my house.
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21. Excuse me, Mr. Record Store
Big Shot, I need some help.
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22. Where can I find something
by Bette Midler?
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23. Well, we don't
have any Bette Midler,
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24. but may I suggest
something even better?
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25. Perhaps a little Sex Pistols?
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26. Sex Pistols?
Well, that's terrible.
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27. Guns don't belong
in the bedroom.
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28. They agree, and a lot of
their songs are about just that.
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29. And they deliver their message
with a smooth, mellow sound.
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30. So it's like easy listening.
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31. Well, they're not hard to hear.
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32. Steven, the store is great.
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33. I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
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34. Whoa, Hyde, I want you
to really savor this moment.
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35. Red's only nice
every 75 years. Yeah.
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36. He's kind of like the Halley's
Comet of compliments.
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37. I got one the first time
I used the potty and...
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38. Yeah, since then, nothing.
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39. What am I supposed to do?
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40. Compliment you every
time you go to the can?
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41. See?
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42. All these kids, wasting
their money on records.
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43. You'd think they could be down
at my muffler shop buying mufflers.
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44. You're all stupid.
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45. If you want, I could plug your
store on my next radio show.
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46. That'd be great, and tell
them I'm giving away calendars.
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47. Okay. Well,
the only problem is
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48. I don't know how many
people will hear it.
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49. I used to think I
had a lot of listeners
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50. 'cause I had a lot of call-ins.
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51. But it turns out it was just one
crazy guy doing different voices.
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52. You may know him as Fez.
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53. Fez, just tell me your secret.
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54. Just kiss me.
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55. I'm not doing that.
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56. Then I'm not
telling you my secret.
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57. Just tell me.
Just kiss me.
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58. Ugh!
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59. Big news from the salon,
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60. I just shampooed Marie, who
waits tables at the coffee shop.
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61. Well, that is big news.
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62. She served pie at 1:00 a.m. to
Kelso and Hyde's sister, Angie.
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63. And Kelso took the pie and
fed it to Angie, and she liked it.
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64. Oh, my God.
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65. This isn't good. Steven
is gonna lose his mind.
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66. I can't believe Angie
went out with Kelso.
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67. What? Angie went out
with Kelso?
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68. What?
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69. Don't you "what" me,
you know what you did.
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70. It was $10, I'll put
it back in the register.
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71. No, not that.
You went out with Kelso.
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72. Look, in my town
there are two rules.
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73. One, don't date Kelso.
Two, don't date Kelso.
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74. Yeah, it even says that on the
sign when you drive into town.
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75. "Welcome to Point Place.
Don't date Kelso."
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76. The high school band
spells that out during half time.
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77. Look, I'm not dating Michael.
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78. We went out one time, but
it's not gonna happen again.
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79. I need a guy who
can eat a breadstick
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80. without pretending
it's a cigar first.
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81. Okay, the thing is, Angie,
Michael's like chocolate cake, okay?
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82. It looks good in the bakery,
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83. but when you take it home,
it sleeps with all your friends.
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84. Yeah.
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85. Hey, Donna,
what kind of food am I?
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86. I don't know,
I guess, a Twizzler.
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87. What?
No, it's a good thing.
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88. You can have a lot of them
and not even notice.
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89. You're just gonna sit
there and take that?
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90. Of course you are.
You're a Twizzler.
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91. Are you closed yet or what?
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92. I've been waiting in the
parking lot for, like, forever.
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93. I didn't see you out there.
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94. That's 'cause I was hiding
in the bushes by your car.
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95. I figured when I jumped out,
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96. you'd be so relieved it was me
that you'd go out with me again.
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97. Why didn't you just ask me out?
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98. I don't know.
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99. I was gonna but you're so
pretty and successful and...
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100. Plus, I kind of like
hiding in the bushes.
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101. Michael, I appreciate the offer,
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102. but I'm not sure you're my type.
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103. "Not your type"? I'm like
ketchup, I go good on everything.
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104. Yeah, well, thanks anyways.
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105. Okay, all right.
Look, Angie,
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106. I really want to go out
with you again, okay?
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107. And I got about 50 lines that
I could throw at you right now,
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108. but I don't
wanna do that because
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109. I don't want you
to go out with me
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110. because of some line.
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111. I want you to go
out with me 'cause
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112. you like me as
much as I like you.
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113. Are you telling me
that's not a line?
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114. Well, it's not now, but if it
works, I can add it to the list.
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115. Okay, you know what?
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116. Let's go get a drink,
but just one drink.
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117. Ready for that drink now?
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118. Hello, Wisconsin!
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119. You know, I'm not sure
these Sex Pistols are for me.
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120. Look, this fella's
name is Johnny Rotten.
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121. You'd think he'd change
that for show business.
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122. Mrs. Forman?
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123. Okay, Steven just found out
Michael went out with his sister,
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124. so I need to think of
something to do to cheer him up.
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125. Well, I do know Steven loves
peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.
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126. So I go buy those?
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127. No, Jackie, you make them.
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128. So I hire someone to make them?
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129. No, you have to make them
with your own two hands.
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130. I'll pay you $20 to make them.
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131. Only you can put in the love,
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132. that is the real
secret ingredient.
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133. $30.
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134. Will you two hens stop clucking?
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135. Donna's back on the radio.
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136. Okay, that was
the Thursday rock block
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137. and you're listening to the
new and improved Hot Donna.
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138. Now with hair
like strands of gold.
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139. And if you're driving home
and things are a little loud,
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140. stop by the Forman
& Son muffler shop,
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141. where they're also
giving away calendars.
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142. She said "Forman" on the radio.
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143. We're gonna have to change
our phone number.
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144. You know,
that Donna is a great girl.
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145. I can't believe
that Eric wouldn't marry her.
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146. When I get back home,
I'm gonna kick him in the ass.
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147. And now, Love You
Inside Out by the Bee Gees,
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148. going out to Jackie Burkhart
from Steven Hyde.
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149. Oh, see now, Steven loves me
and wants everyone to know it.
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150. Requested by Jackie Burkhart.
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151. Okay, Fez, I'll play
you one more game.
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152. But just so you know,
this "honk, honk" is a foul.
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153. Hey, guys.
Hey, Angie.
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154. I need to talk to you
guys about something.
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155. Oh, God, you didn't go out
with Kelso again, did you?
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156. No, I was on my way
to going out with him
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157. but then we got interrupted
by me sleeping with him.
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158. What?
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159. Well, at least they didn't
go out. Wait a minute.
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160. I need some advice.
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161. My advice is, go back in time
and don't sleep with Kelso.
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162. Yeah, but you need
a time machine.
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163. The only person
working on that is Kelso.
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164. He says if you want to use it,
you have to sleep with him.
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165. So you're kind of
back where you started.
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166. Here's the thing.
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167. I don't know if you guys have
noticed, but I'm kind of, you know...
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168. Bitchy?
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169. I was gonna say
"uptight," but fine.
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170. I never relax and laugh, and
with Michael that's all we do.
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171. Except for the sex.
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172. Although I did laugh,
you know, during.
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173. Actually, it was more of
a giggle of appreciation.
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174. Okay. I'm not sure you know
what you're getting yourself into.
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175. Kelso has a baby
with another woman.
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176. Yeah, he told me.
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177. Damn.
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178. I thought that would
run you off for sure.
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179. Let me try. I'm the
master at running girls off.
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180. You think he's good in bed, huh?
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181. How do you think
he got that good?
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182. Practice, practice, practice.
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183. Cheerleader, cheerleader,
cheerleader's mother.
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184. Hey, Fez, check out
this nudie calendar.
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185. Uh-oh.
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186. Is this the calendar
Red's giving away?
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187. It's just pictures of
half-naked girls posing by cars.
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188. That's a disgrace.
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189. I'll dispose of that.
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190. No, I'll take it.
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191. We'll never get it back now.
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192. It's going in the box
with my "naked lady" pen,
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193. and my "I Got Crabs
in Louisiana" T-shirt.
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194. Thank you for
helping me, Mrs. Forman.
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195. Steven is gonna
love these cookies.
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196. Okay, now start by cracking
a couple of eggs into the bowl.
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197. I can't touch an egg.
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198. Why not?
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199. 'Cause it came out
of a chicken butt.
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200. Honey, they wash it.
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201. Well, wash it all you want,
it still came out of a butt.
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202. All right, so I've been thinking
about Donna's "Twizzler" remark.
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203. Maybe it's not so bad. I
mean, yes, it is candy but,
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204. you know, you bite both
ends off, you got a straw.
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205. It's a metaphor for versatility.
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206. No, I think it's
a metaphor for you
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207. being long, skinny,
bendy and floppy.
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208. Hey, Hyde.
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209. Why are you smiling?
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210. I don't know.
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211. Talk to Angie today?
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212. No!
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213. Oh, yeah!
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214. I have officially nailed
everyone in this room's sister.
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215. Hey, Hyde, Kelso and Angie...
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216. You already know.
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217. Hyde, allow me to be
the first to welcome you
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218. to the
Kelso-had-sex-with-my-sister club.
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219. There's no
handshake or passwords.
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220. There's really just shame.
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221. Damn it, Kelso.
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222. My sister's been
in town for a month,
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223. you've already slept with her.
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224. This is why I keep my sister
10,000 miles away in a jungle.
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225. Believe me,
if things don't work out
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226. with Angie,
I'm on the next flight out.
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227. Hey, Hyde, remember
how you kept bringing it up
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228. when Kelso nailed my sister?
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229. I never understood why,
but now I get it.
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230. It's fun.
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231. So guess what?
Kelso nailed your sister.
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232. Oh, and another thing,
Kelso nailed your sister.
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233. Shut up, you little Twizzler.
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234. Sticks and stones
may break my bones,
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235. but Kelso nailed your sister.
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236. Okay, I know you can do this.
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237. An egg is not just something
that comes out of a butt.
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238. It's a life source, it's
beautiful, so pick it up.
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239. Why don't you do it?
You're a nurse.
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240. You mess around with
butts all the time.
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241. Just pick up the freaking egg,
you spoiled brat.
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242. Donna's back on the radio,
maybe she'll mention my shop again.
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243. Okay, now it's time
for a new segment on my show.
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244. What's on your mind, Hot Donna?
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245. When I agreed to promote
the Forman & Son calendar,
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246. I had no idea that
it was just pages
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247. of half-naked women
straddling drive shafts.
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248. Which is wrong.
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249. Wrong, because
cars get very hot.
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250. So if they were
to do these things,
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251. they would easily
burn their thighs.
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252. That's right.
Forman & Son Mufflers
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253. is promoting
the burning of women.
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254. What is she talking about?
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255. Now, I would call for a boycott,
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256. but girls never go
down to these places,
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257. so I call for a going-down-there-
and-yelling-at-them
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258. cott.
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259. Oh, great. Now I've gotta
go back down to the shop
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260. before those hairy-ass
feminists tear the place down.
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261. Okay.
Now, I would like to hear
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262. from some pissed-off feminists.
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263. You're on
the air with Hot Donna.
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264. Or, should I say,
Hot-under-the-collar Donna.
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265. Donna Pinciotti, you
should be ashamed of yourself.
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266. Suddenly you think women
shouldn't be looked at.
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267. Well, I've seen your outfits,
Miss Lady Tank Top.
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268. Mrs. Forman, this isn't
about me, it's about society.
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269. No, it's about Red, who's
been like a second father to you,
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270. and now finally he has
something to be proud of
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271. and you're forcing your
weirdo hippie politics on it.
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272. It's just a couple of
greased-up broads on a Chevy.
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273. Get over it.
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274. Steven, I can't believe you
thought I'd like these Sex Pistols.
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275. I don't want anything
this loud and crabby
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276. in my house if I'm
not married to it.
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277. I'm sorry, Mrs. Forman.
I'll make it up to you.
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278. Have you ever heard of a band
called Judas Priest?
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279. Well, that's what
Judas needed, a priest.
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280. Are they spiritual?
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281. I listen to them every Sunday.
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282. Hey, Fez, you're the
candy expert in these parts.
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283. Okay, do you think
I'm a Twizzler?
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284. Well, you're no Hershey's
Special Dark like your friend Fez.
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285. Okay, well, then how
do I un-Twizzle myself?
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286. Well, you need to become
richer, more chocolaty.
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287. I don't know, just show Donna
who's boss. Take her like a man.
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288. I tried that once in bed, but
all I got was a sprained wrist.
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289. FYI, advice in Playboy,
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290. not always practical if you
can't overpower your woman.
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291. Oh, hey, Hyde, how's it
going with the store
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292. and Kelso nailing your sister?
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293. Steven,
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294. stop turning the Pat Boone
albums into Pat Boner albums.
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295. Okay, you need to stop sleeping
with Kelso, okay? It's embarrassing.
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296. And if you catch something,
we don't have medical.
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297. It's not embarrassing. He really
likes me, and I really like him.
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298. You don't even know him.
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299. You do realize he
has a really bad
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300. track record with women, right?
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301. Look, I just don't
want to see you get hurt.
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302. Oh, my God!
That's so sweet.
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303. I finally feel
like I have a brother.
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304. Oh, Hyde has a sister
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305. who got nailed by Kelso.
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306. Mr. Forman, Mrs. Forman
really yelled at me.
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307. And I feel bad about what I said
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308. on the radio and
I'd like to apologize.
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309. Don't worry about it.
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310. People have been
coming in non-stop
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311. since you talked
about the calendars.
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312. I cannot believe all the
disgusting perverts in this town,
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313. who listen to my show.
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314. Hey, pervs, I'm Hot Donna.
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315. Dad?
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316. You're with the pervs?
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317. I'm just here to support Red.
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318. I see that calendar,
put it down.
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319. No, I won't put it down.
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320. You're the kid and I'm the dad,
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321. and I will have
my fantasy ladies.
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322. Fine, Dad, but you
won't have my respect.
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323. One more woman who
doesn't respect me.
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324. That camel's back
broke long ago.
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325. Okay, this is Hot Donna
back at the mic...
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326. I'm a Twizzler?
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327. I'm a Twizzler?
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328. Uh-uh.
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329. I'm a man.
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330. Now you put on Free Bird
'cause we're gonna do it for 13 minutes.
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331. Hey, Eric, what do you do when
you have two pieces of wood
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332. and want them to stick together?
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333. Oh, you nail it.
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334. It's easy, it's kind of like how
Kelso nailed Hyde's sister.
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335. But I don't know if
I can find a piece of wood
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336. that's as slutty
as Hyde's sister.
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337. You guys been
working on this a while?
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338. About as long as Kelso's
been working on your sister.
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339. Stop it. Stop it. Everybody stop
it. Steven, don't listen to them.
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340. Okay, I knew you were having a
hard time, so I baked you these cookies.
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341. Oh.
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342. Ow!
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343. Are they no good?
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344. No, no, they're good.
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345. I'll just suck on them.
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346. Oh, forget it, I've ruined them.
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347. They didn't make you
feel better at all.
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348. Oh, hey, Jackie, you
know who did feel better?
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349. Hyde's sister
after Kelso nailed her.
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350. Give me those.
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351. Hey, Angie.
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352. After you close up do you
want to watch me eat a pizza?
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353. Look, Michael, I'm not sure
we should see each other again.
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354. A lot of people
have told me you're not
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355. very serious about
the women you date.
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356. A lot of people.
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357. A lot, a lot.
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358. Everybody.
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359. Okay, here's the thing
about those stories.
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360. They're all true.
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361. I've made a lot of mistakes
in my past, okay?
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362. And I could tell
you that I've changed
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363. but I would
rather just show you.
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364. So why don't we start
off slow as friends?
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365. My other friends do
not let me do that.
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366. Just do me one favor?
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367. Anything.
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368. Just don't tell Hyde.
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369. No, I gotta tell Hyde.
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370. Okay, I've got my candles,
I've got my bubbles,
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371. and I've got my soothing,
spiritual, Judas Priest music.
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372. http://hiqve.com/
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