1. Gooood morning.
- Try good 13:30.
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2. I'm just so worn out from carrying
around all this tip money. Here you go, mom.
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3. Why don't you, kick up the thermostat
couple deegres on me.
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4. Well, thank you, honey. And you have been
such a big help working yourself nearly
to death. I made you
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5. your special sandwich.
- Oooh, "the Eric McSweady".
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6. It's a regular sandwich.
Hold the masculinity.
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7. It's almost time for Red's doctors appointment.
I have to iron his underware.
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8. No crust, check, extra jelly, check.
My mommy loves me. Check.
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9. Eric, wow you look beat. - Yeah, I was working
until like 1:00 last night. - Oh, my poor baby.
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10. I know something that will cheer you up.
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11. Today, I got my first bridal magazine.
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12. We can spend the whole afternoon
talking about wedding stuff.
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13. Like, the groomsmen can wear kilts.
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14. Donna, you know how much I'd love to spend
4-5 hours talking about the wedding,
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15. or clothes, or clothes for the wedding,
but, God I'm so beat from last night.
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16. Okay. Why don't you go back to bad, and I'll
crawl up with you after class, but this time
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17. sweep the bed for GI Joes, cause that last
thing that happened that was unpleasant.
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18. Life is a cabaret, my friend!
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19. You didn't work untill 1:00. We got
off at 22:00 and played poker.
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20. Hyde, let's not wear ourselves
down with the truth here.
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21. When I started working full time, I thought
that my life was gonna be a total grind,
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22. but my mom, Donna,
they can't do enaugh for me.
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23. Look at this. Heart shaped sandwiches.
Donna's giving me sexy naps.
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24. As God is my witness I will never go
hungry or horny again.
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25. Will you please wear the ironed underware.
I have a reputation to protect.
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26. Eric, you're driving me to my doctors appointment.
Please, put on pants.
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27. Eric is a little tired from working so late,
so I found someone else to drive you.
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28. Jump in Smokey,
Bandit's on the move.
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29. Okay, Brooke. Here's the thing. We should date.
- Michael, I'm pregnant with your child.
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30. Pretty much the best and worst things
about dating have already happened to us.
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31. Okay, but we missed out on all the in between.
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32. Like. Okay, we need to spice up our illegitimate pregnancy with a little romance.
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33. I mean, look how much we have in common.
You are having my baby,
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34. and I am the father of your baby.
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35. Okay look, don't pretend you wanna go out
with me just because you feel guilty.
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36. Brooke, I wanna go out with
you cause you're hot.
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37. Okay fine, but I'm not hot.
I've gain six pounds.
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38. That's okay, cause it's mostly in your boobs.
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39. See, nature does this to keep us
guys around while you gals chunk out.
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40. Okay, let's get couple of things straight.
I don't wanna be here,
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41. you don't wanna be here.
- I wan't to be here.
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42. Fine. I don't wanna be here,
and I don't care what you want.
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43. Okay then. Are you buckled up?
- Yes.
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44. Hmm, because the little blinking man
on the dashboard says you aren't.
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45. Buckle up. - No. - Yes.
- No. Look, start this car
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46. or I'm gonna pack you in the crate, take you down to the port
and trade you for a year supply of bananas.
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47. Hey. - Hey.
- You awake?
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48. Well, if I were asleep there'd be six
of you all making out with yourselves.
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49. Can't belive how late you must stay at the restaurant.
- Well, you know
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50. that grated cheese you like so much?
Gets grated the night before.
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51. Yeah, little thing we like to call "prep", so.
- I love it when you use restaurant talk.
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52. Donna, I have to warn you, I'm exhausted.
So, you're gonna have to do all the work.
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53. Why should today be any different?
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54. I need to know what to do on a first date with a women who is carrying my child?
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55. Hold her while she weeps.
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56. Hey wait, what if you guys came to dinner with me and Brooke? It would make easier to find stuff
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57. to talk about. - No, no man, there is no way
I'm going on a date with your ex girlfriend
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58. who is now my girlfiend,
and your new girlfriend
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59. who doesn't wanna be your girlfriend,
but is pregnant with your child.
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60. It's like hillbilly territory.
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61. I'll pay.
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62. I'm in.
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63. Well then I have to go find something to wear. I mean I'm happy that Brooke's gonna have
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64. a father for her baby and all, but I still have to look prettier than her.
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65. Well I was woken from my afternooon nap by my girlfriend for some afternoon delight,
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66. after which I took another afternoon nap.
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67. You know what I have right in the palm of my hand?
- No one wants to know that. Just wash up.
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68. The secret of life.
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69. You know what? I'm taking this one step
further, fellas. I'm gonna get fat.
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70. Yeah, I'll never be strong,
but I think I can be fat.
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71. That's a pretty thought.
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72. C'mon, Fez, don't be scared.
Go say "hi".
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73. No, he's too fat.
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74. I don't know where his face is.
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75. He can't eat you. He can't even move.
Watch!
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76. That tickles.
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77. Aaah, something's poking me.
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78. GI Joe.
There you are.
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79. What else is in there?
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80. Kelso!
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81. I thought you moved away!
- I've been living on crumbs!
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82. Alright, okay. Laugh all you want but all I
see is a guy who doesn't have to go out of bed
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83. to go to the bathroom... And that's beautiful.
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84. Hey look there's the "Oaks Lodge".
Pull over.
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85. But I thought we would celebrate your good checkup.
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86. There's this pie down at the coffee shop
I've been flirting with for days.
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87. How about this for a celebration, I'm
going in there with my budies and you
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88. wait in the car.
- But that does not sound like fun.
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89. Well, that's how we celebrate in America.
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90. Okay, let's head for home.
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91. So now you're not gonna talk?
- Why should I talk?
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92. My feelings are obviously of no consequence to you.
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93. Alright, maybe I stayed a little
longer then I expected.
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94. Hey look, how about we stop for some pie?
- No.
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95. Oh c'mon, let me get you a pie.
- I am not in the mood.
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96. Oh just let me buy you a...
- There will be no pie!
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97. Wow, good pot. There's gotta
be like 4 or 5 bucks in there.
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98. Yeah you guys are going down.
I gotta a full house.
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99. I mean... What do I got?
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100. Why don't you bet a lot and see.
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101. Kelso, I know you think you got a full house,
but you're only holding two cards.
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102. So I'll raise.
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103. This is great. It's
1:00 and I'm not alone.
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104. I'm not alone. This is great.
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105. Guys I don't wanna brag but my
belt is getting pretty tight.
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106. I think operation "Fat Eric"
is well under way.
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107. What the hell are you doing?
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108. You told me you were working.
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109. I brought you brownies because you told
me you were working your ass off.
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110. And now it turns out you were spending all the time, we could have spent together, with the guys.
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111. And, I gave you daytime sex.
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112. Alright.
Who brought brownies?
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113. Is Eric upstairs?
- Just look for the lump under the cover sucking his thumb.
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114. Hey, you gonna yell? - No, I'm past yelling.
- What's past yelling?
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115. It's the dark side of the moon, my friend.
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116. The place so ugly if it was a women
even you wouldn't have sex with her.
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117. Ahh, that's bad.
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118. How can you sleep untill noon
after what happened last night?
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119. I'm exhausted from loving you so much.
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120. You're completely regressing. You lie around all day
and you act if you'd be happy
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121. to stay in your mothers house forever.
- Look Donna, let me make it up to you.
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122. There's some tip money on the dresser.
Why don't you go buy yourself something pretty?
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123. Don' worry, we can still hear!
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124. Eric, what is happening to you?
- Look Donna, I'm sorry but I'm not regressing.
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125. You gotta understand I'm the
man of this house now.
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126. Okay, who is ready for a Spidey
and a sandwich? - Me!
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127. Mrs. Forman, your son is a big lazy chump because
you keep babying him. - I don't baby him.
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128. Is there a crust on that sandwich?
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129. Well of course not. Crusts are
icky they make Eric sicky.
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130. Oh my God, I'm ruining him.
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131. Eric, things are gonna change
around here, drastically.
Tomarrow you are getting
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132. a sandwich whith crust on.
And no more crazy straws.
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133. You will be drinking your chocolate
milk from a standard straw.
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134. Now, who's hungry?
- I call sandwich. - I call Spidey.
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135. I call sandwiches you haven't made yet.
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136. Okay, Donna I get it, I'm sorry.
- No, that's not gonna cut it.
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137. I've been wearing this engagement ring
so long it's white under there,
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138. and a little wrinkly. You haven't
brought up the wedding in weeks.
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139. I stayed home from college to be
with you. And if I knew
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140. you were gonna act like this, I would
have gone. - You're right. - I know.
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141. Donna, I know that I'm
lucky to be with you.
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142. Hell, when we go out together,
people think I'm your little brother.
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143. That's true. They say I shouldn't
have you out so late.
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144. You are right. No, you are absolutely right.
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145. I'm really, really sorry. Okay?
So, are you still mad at me?
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146. Well, it's kind of hard when
you keep agreeing with me.
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147. I agree. - Stop it.
- You're beautiful. - I will kick your ass.
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148. So, maybe a good way to break the ice would be for everyone to tell a few things about themselves.
I'll go first
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149. I like makeup and diets,
and Steven here likes black things
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150. and throwing stuff at glass.
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151. Okay. Well, I was valedictorian at my class,
I ran marathons
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152. and I tutor kids in Latin.
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153. Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class
and a marathon runner.
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154. Oh, and some kids that took Latin.
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155. This is fun.
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156. So, how do you guys all know eachother?
- Well, Michael and I dated for like 3 years.
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157. Then I stole her from him.
- Wait, what?
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158. You never could have stolen from
me if I hadn't cheated on her first.
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159. Okay, wait a minute... - That sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her
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160. with Eric's sister.
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161. Well, and then the rest of the
girls when we were on a break
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162. cause I annoyed her, but none of
those girls were anybody's sister.
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163. Except for the two that were sisters.
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164. He brought up the sisters.
Awesome.
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165. Okay. This was a mistake. I think I'm gonna go.
- No, Brooke, wait.
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166. I've been with a lot of chicks, a lot...
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167. a lot... a lot.
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168. Okay, that's not helping.
- Brooke, just let me start over, okay?
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169. We might not be a perfect match, okay,
but I really, really like you
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170. and I think us having this baby
together is like... faith.
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171. Michael, faith is when two people
meet on a train or in Paris,
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172. not in a bathroom at a
Molly Hatchet concert.
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173. Faith. Man, never use a word in a fight
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174. if you don't really really knows what it means.
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175. Still not speaking to me?
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176. Fine, I'll speak.
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177. I spent all day running your bold,
grumpy ass around town.
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178. And do I get a thanks? No.
Because you're unpleasant.
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179. You wanna know why I'm unpleasant?
I just had a heart attack,
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180. and now I have to be driven around like a
useless dope
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181. by the idiot that marry my daughter and gave
me the heart attack in the first place.
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182. But I am also unpleasant because I just
spent the entire day cooped up in the car,
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183. breathing that mustard gas that you call cologne.
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184. But mostly I'm unpleasant because
that's how it works in this family.
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185. I'm family?
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186. Oh crap.
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187. Guys, everything is totally cool. I've
promised to stop acting like such an ass,
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188. and give Donna only presents, not cash.
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189. Why is that? - Because presents are
for girlfriends and cash is for hookers.
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190. Although...
- You're so good I should pay you.
- Thank you.
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191. You should've seen it coming Forman.
Cause when you're deeply,
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192. truly happy, it's a sure sign you're
doing everything wrong.
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193. It's true. Once Steven's unhappy,
I know our relationship is in good shape.
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194. Well, then we've been tip top
since the minute I've meet you.
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195. Yeah, I couldn't be unhappier about
me and Brooke, so I know I'm doing
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196. the right thing. Cause the misery is how God
lets you know you're on track.
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197. And how. Red and I are miserable together,
and that crazy bastard is nuts about me.
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198. Donna, what are you doing the day after your birthday?
- Nursing a hangover.
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199. You might wanna stick to light beer. Cause I was thinking maybe we could get married that day.
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200. Oh my God, are you setting a date?
You can't set a date in a circle.
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201. I can and I did.
- I love you.
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202. There's no groping in the circle!
We made that rule for Fez,
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203. but it goes for everyone!
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204. Oh, c'mon Eric take charge,
grab her like you mean it.
I'll do it.
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205. Brooke?
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206. Holly crap! That's the girl you got pregnant?
She's hot!
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207. Do you think we could talk alone for a minute?
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208. Sure, I'll go. But just know if it doesn't work out with him, I've got dental
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209. for all dependents.
- You're funny. - I love you.
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210. Goodbye.
I've got a things to do.
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211. Look. I don't know why what happened happened.
I mean it could've been faith,
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212. it could've been the Colt 45s,
but I do know you're beeing very sweet,
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213. and I could probably use a hand, cause to
tell you do truth I'm kind of scared.
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214. That's perfect cause I'm terrified.
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215. I know, I mean it's crazy.
- We're having a baby! - I know!
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216. And we have no clue!
- None at all!
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217. So, can I call you tomarrow? - Yes.
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218. Before you go I just wanted to say, I don't love you.
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219. I just kind of get nervous in front of women.
I blurr.
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220. What is wrong with me?
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221. Hi, Roy.
- Hello, Brooke.
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222. Hi, Roy.
- Hello, Brooke.
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223. Hi, Roy.
- Hello, Brooke.
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224. I got this.
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225. Hi, Roy.
- I love you.
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226. Excuse me. - Roy, that's the freezer.
- I know.
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