1. - Good morning.
- Try, "Good 1:30."
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2. I'm just so worn out from
carrying around all this tip money.
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3. There you go, Mom.
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4. Why don't you kick up the
thermostat a couple of degrees on me?
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5. Well, thank you, honey.
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6. And you have been
such a big help,
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7. working yourself
nearly to death,
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8. I made you
your special sandwich.
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9. Oh.
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10. The Eric McSweetie.
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11. It's a regular sandwich.
Hold the masculinity.
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12. Oop, oop, oop.
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13. It's almost time for Red's doctor's
appointment. Have to iron his underwear.
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14. No crust? Check. Extra jelly?
Check. My mommy loves me? Check.
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15. Eric, wow, you look beat.
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16. Yeah, I was working
until, like, 1:00 last night.
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17. My poor baby. I know
something that'll cheer you up.
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18. Today, I got my first
bridal magazine.
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19. We can spend the whole
afternoon talking about wedding stuff.
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20. Like the groomsmen
can wear kilts.
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21. Donna, you know how much
I'd love to spend
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22. four or five hours talking
about the wedding,
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23. or clothes, or clothes
for the wedding,
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24. but, God, I'm so beat
from last night.
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25. Okay, well, why don't you
go back to bed
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26. and I'll crawl in
with you after class?
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27. But this time,
sweep the bed for G.I. Joes,
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28. 'cause that last thing that
happened, that was unpleasant.
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29. Life is a cabaret, my friend.
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30. We didn't work until 1:00. We
got off at 10:00 and played poker.
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31. Hyde, let's not weigh ourselves
down with the truth here.
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32. When I started
working full-time,
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33. I thought that my life
was gonna be a total grind,
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34. but my mom, Donna,
they can't do enough for me.
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35. Look at this. Heart shaped sandwiches.
Donna's giving me sexy naps.
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36. As God as my witness, I will
never go hungry or horny again.
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37. Will you please wear
the ironed underwear?
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38. I have a reputation to protect.
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39. Eric, you're driving me to my doctor's
appointment. Please put on pants.
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40. Eric is a little tired
from working so late,
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41. so I found someone else
to drive you.
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42. Jump in, Smokey.
Bandit's on the move.
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43. Hello, Wisconsin!
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44. Okay, Brooke, here's the thing.
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45. We should date.
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46. Michael, I'm pregnant
with your child.
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47. Pretty much the best
and worst things
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48. about dating have already
happened to us.
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49. Okay, but we missed out
on all the in-between, like...
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50. Okay, we need to spice up
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51. our illegitimate pregnancy
with a little romance.
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52. I mean, look how much
we have in common.
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53. You are having my baby
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54. and I am the father
of your baby.
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55. Okay, look, don't pretend
you wanna go out with me
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56. just because you feel guilty.
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57. Brooke, I wanna go out
with you because you're hot.
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58. Okay, fine. But I'm not hot.
I've gained six pounds.
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59. That's okay 'cause it's
mostly in your boobs.
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60. See, nature does this to keep
us guys around
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61. while you gals chunk out.
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62. Okay, let's get a couple
of things straight.
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63. I don't wanna be here.
You don't wanna be here.
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64. I want to be here.
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65. Fine. I don't wanna be here
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66. and I don't care what you want.
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67. - Okay, then,
are you buckled up?
- Yes.
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68. Because the little blinking man
on the dashboard says you aren't.
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69. Buckle up.
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70. - No.
- Yes.
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71. No. Look, start this car or
I'm gonna pack you in a crate,
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72. take you down to the port, and trade
you for a year's supply of bananas.
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73. - Hey.
- Hey.
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74. You awake?
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75. Well, if I were asleep,
there would be six of you
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76. all making out
with yourselves, so...
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77. I can't believe how late
you have to stay
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78. at the restaurant.
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79. Well, you know that grated
cheese you like so much?
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80. Gets grated the night before.
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81. Yeah, little thing we like
to call "prep," so...
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82. I love it when you
use restaurant talk.
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83. Donna, I have to warn you,
I'm exhausted,
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84. so you're gonna have
to do all the work.
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85. Why should today
be any different?
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86. Okay.
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87. I need to know what to do
on a first date
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88. with a woman
who's carrying my child.
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89. Hold her while she weeps.
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90. Hey, wait, what if you guys came
to dinner with me and Brooke?
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91. - Make it easier to find
stuff to talk about.
- No.
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92. No, man. There's no way
I'm going on a date
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93. with your ex-girlfriend who is now
my girlfriend, and your new girlfriend
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94. who doesn't want
to be your girlfriend
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95. but is pregnant with your child.
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96. It's like hillbilly territory.
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97. - I'll pay.
- I'm in.
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98. Well, then, I have to go
find something to wear.
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99. I mean, I'm happy that Brooke's
gonna have a father for her baby and all,
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100. but I still have to look
prettier than her.
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101. Well, I was woken
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102. from my afternoon nap
by my girlfriend
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103. for some afternoon delight.
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104. After which, I took another
afternoon nap.
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105. You know what I have
right in the palm of my hand?
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106. No one wants to know that.
Just wash up.
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107. The secret of life.
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108. You know what? I'm taking
this one step further, fellas.
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109. I'm gonna get fat.
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110. Yeah, I'll never be strong,
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111. but I think I can be fat.
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112. That's a pretty thought.
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113. Come on, Fez,
don't be scared. Go say hi.
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114. No, he's too fat.
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115. I don't know where his face is.
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116. He can't eat you.
He can't even move. Watch.
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117. That tickles.
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118. Something's poking me.
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119. G.I. Joe! There you are.
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120. Wonder what else is in there.
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121. - Kelso!
- Kelso!
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122. - I thought you moved away.
- I've been living on crumbs.
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123. All right, okay, laugh
all you want. But all I see
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124. is a guy who doesn't have to get
out of bed to go to the bathroom.
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125. And that's beautiful.
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126. Hey, look, there's the
Elks lodge. Pull over.
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127. But I thought we would
celebrate the good checkup.
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128. There's this pie
down at the coffee shop
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129. I've been flirting with
for days.
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130. How about this
for a celebration?
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131. I'm going in there
with my buddies
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132. and you wait in the car.
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133. But that doesn't sound like fun.
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134. Well, that's how
we celebrate in America.
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135. Okay, let's head for home.
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136. - So, now you're not
gonna talk?
- Why should I talk?
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137. My feelings are obviously
of no consequence to you.
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138. All right, maybe I stayed a
little longer than I expected.
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139. Hey, look, how about
we stop for some pie?
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140. - No.
- Oh, come on. Let me get you a pie.
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141. I am not in the mood.
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142. Oh, just let me buy you...
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143. There will be no pie!
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144. Wow, good pot.
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145. There's gotta be like
four or five bucks in there.
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146. Yeah, you guys are going
down. I got a full house.
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147. I mean,
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148. what do I got?
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149. Why don't we bet a lot and see?
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150. Kelso, I know you think
you got a full house,
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151. but you're only
holding two cards.
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152. So I'll raise.
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153. This is great. It's 1:00 in
the morning, I'm not alone,
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154. and I'm not alone.
This is great.
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155. Guys, I don't want to brag.
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156. My belt's getting pretty tight.
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157. I think Operation Fat Eric
is well underway.
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158. What the hell are you doing?
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159. - Donna.
- You told me
you were working.
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160. I brought you brownies because you
told me you were working your ass off.
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161. And now it turns out that
you're spending all the time
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162. we could have spent together
with the guys.
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163. And I gave you daytime sex.
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164. All right!
Who brought brownies?
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165. Is Eric upstairs?
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166. Just look for the lump under
the covers sucking its thumb.
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167. - Hey, you gonna yell?
- No, I'm past yelling.
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168. - What's past yelling?
- It's the dark side
of the moon, my friend.
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169. It's a place so ugly,
if it was a woman,
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170. even you wouldn't
have sex with her.
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171. That's bad.
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172. How can you sleep until noon
after what happened last night?
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173. I'm exhausted from
loving you so much.
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174. You're completely regressing.
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175. You lie around all day
and you act
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176. as if you'd be happy to stay
in your mother's house forever.
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177. Look, Donna, let me
make it up to you.
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178. There's some tip money
on the dresser.
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179. Why don't you go
buy yourself something pretty?
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180. - Oh, God!
- That's gotta hurt!
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181. Don't worry.
We can still hear.
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182. Eric, what is happening to you?
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183. Look, Donna, I'm sorry,
but I'm not regressing.
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184. You gotta understand, I'm
the man of this house now.
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185. Okay, who's ready
for Spidey and a sandwich?
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186. Me!
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187. Mrs. Forman, your son
is a big, lazy child
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188. because you keep babying him.
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189. I don't baby him.
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190. Is there crust on that sandwich?
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191. Well, of course not.
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192. Crusts are icky.
They make Eric sicky.
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193. Oh, my God, I'm ruining him.
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194. Eric, things are going to
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195. change around here, drastically.
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196. Tomorrow, you are getting
a sandwich with the crusts on.
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197. And no more crazy straws.
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198. You will be drinking
your chocolate milk
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199. from a standard straw.
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200. Now, who's hungry?
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201. - I call sandwich
- I call Spidey.
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202. I call sandwich
you haven't made yet.
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203. Okay, Donna,
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204. - I get it. I'm sorry.
- No, that's not gonna cut it.
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205. I've been wearing this engagement
ring so long, it's white under there,
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206. and a little wrinkly.
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207. You haven't brought up
the wedding in weeks.
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208. I stayed home from college
to be with you,
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209. and if I knew you were gonna
act like this, I would have gone.
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210. - You're right.
- I know.
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211. Donna, I know that I'm lucky
to be with you.
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212. Hell, when we go out together,
people think I'm your little brother.
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213. That's true. They say I
shouldn't have you out so late.
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214. You're right. No, you are
absolutely right.
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215. And I'm really,
really sorry, okay?
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216. So, are you still mad at me?
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217. Well, it's kind of hard when
you keep agreeing with me.
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218. - I agree.
- Stop it.
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219. - You're beautiful.
- I will kick your ass.
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220. So, hey, maybe a good way
to break the ice
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221. would be for everyone to tell
a few things about themselves.
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222. I'll go first.
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223. I like make-up and diets,
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224. and Steven, here, likes black
things and throwing stuff at glass.
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225. Okay. Well, I was
valedictorian of my class,
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226. I run marathons,
and I tutor kids in Latin.
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227. Well, I egged
the valedictorian of my class
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228. and a marathon runner
and some kids that took Latin.
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229. This is fun.
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230. So, how do you guys
all know each other?
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231. Well, Michael and I dated
for, like, three years.
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232. Then I stole her from him.
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233. Wait. What?
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234. You never could have
stole her from me
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235. if I hadn't cheated
on her first.
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236. Okay, wait a minute.
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237. That sounds a lot worse
than what it is.
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238. I only cheated on her
with Eric's sister.
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239. Well, and then the rest of the
girls were when we were on a break
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240. 'cause I annoyed her.
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241. But none of those girls
were anybody's sister,
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242. except for the two
that were sisters.
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243. He brought up the sisters.
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244. Awesome.
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245. Okay, this was a mistake.
I think I'm gonna go.
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246. No. Brooke, wait. Look...
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247. I've been with a lot
of chicks. A lot.
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248. A lot.
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249. A lot.
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250. Okay, that's not helping.
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251. Okay, Brooke,
let me start over, okay?
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252. We might not be the perfect match,
okay? But I really, really like you.
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253. And I think maybe us having
this baby together is like
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254. fate.
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255. Michael, fate is when two
people meet on a train or in Paris,
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256. not in the bathroom
at a Molly Hatchet concert.
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257. Fate!
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258. Man, never use a word in a fight
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259. if you don't really,
really know what it means.
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260. Still not speaking to me, huh?
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261. Fine, I'll speak.
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262. I spent all day running your
bald, grumpy ass around town
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263. and do I get a thanks? No.
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264. Because you're unpleasant.
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265. You wanna know
why I'm unpleasant?
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266. I just had a heart attack
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267. and now I have to be driven
around like a useless dope
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268. by the idiot
that married my daughter
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269. and gave me the heart attack
in the first place.
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270. But I am also unpleasant
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271. because I just spent the
entire day cooped up in the car
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272. breathing that mustard gas
you call cologne.
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273. But mostly, I'm unpleasant because
that's how it works in this family.
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274. I'm family?
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275. Oh, crap.
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276. Guys, everything
is totally cool.
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277. I promise to stop acting
like such an ass
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278. and give Donna
only presents, not cash.
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279. And why is that?
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280. Because presents are for
girlfriends and cash is for hookers.
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281. - Although...
- You're so good,
I should pay you.
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282. Thank you.
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283. You should have
seen it coming, Forman.
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284. 'Cause when you are deeply,
truly happy,
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285. it's a sure sign
you're doing everything wrong.
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286. It's true.
When Steven's unhappy,
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287. I know our relationship
is in good shape.
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288. Well, then, we've been tip-top
since the minute I met you.
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289. Aw.
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290. Yeah, I couldn't be unhappier
about me and Brooke,
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291. so I know I'm doing
the right thing,
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292. 'cause the misery is how God
lets you know you're on track.
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293. And how. Red and I
are miserable together
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294. and that crazy bastard
is nuts about me.
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295. Donna, what are you doing
the day after your birthday?
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296. Nursing a hangover.
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297. You might wanna stick to
light beer, 'cause I was thinking
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298. maybe we could
get married that day.
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299. Oh, my God,
are you setting a date?
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300. You can't set a date
in the circle.
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301. I can and I did.
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302. I love you.
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303. There's no groping
in the circle.
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304. We made that rule for Fez
but it goes for everyone.
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305. Oh, come on, Eric, take charge.
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306. Grab her like you mean it.
I'll do it.
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307. - Brooke.
- Holy crap.
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308. That's the girl
you got pregnant?
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309. She's hot.
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310. Do you think we could
talk alone for a minute?
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311. Sure, I'll go, but just know, if
it doesn't work out with him,
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312. I've got dental
for all dependents.
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313. - You're funny.
- I love you.
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314. Bye. Got, you know,
things to do.
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315. Look, I don't know why
what happened happened.
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316. I mean, it could have been fate.
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317. It could have been the Colt 45s.
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318. But I do know
you're being very sweet
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319. and I could probably use a hand,
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320. 'cause, to tell you the truth,
I'm kind of scared.
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321. That's perfect,
'cause I'm terrified.
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322. I know. I mean, it's crazy.
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323. - We're having a baby!
- I know!
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324. - And we have no clue!
- None at all!
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325. All right, so,
can I call you tomorrow?
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326. Yes.
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327. Before you go, I just
wanted to say I don't love you.
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328. I just kind of get nervous
in front of women.
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329. I blurt.
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330. I understand.
I think it's very sweet.
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331. I love you.
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332. What is wrong with me?
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333. "Hi, Roy."Hello, Brooke."
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334. "Hi, Roy."Hello, Brooke."
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335. "Hi, Roy."Hello, Brooke."
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336. I got this.
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337. - Hi, Roy.
- I love you.
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338. Excuse me.
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339. - Roy, that's the freezer.
- I know.
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340. http://hiqve.com/
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