1. So, you gotta work at the
radio station on Christmas Eve?
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2. God, it's like,
doesn't anyone respect
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3. the sanctity of that holy night?
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4. We were gonna get
drunk and fool around
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5. behind your dad's manger scene.
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6. But this is my first
shot at deejaying.
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7. If I do well, Hot Donna
could be the regular DJ
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8. on Tuesdays from
1:00 to 5:00 a.m.
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9. Every insomniac and burn-out
in town is gonna know who I am.
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10. Well, say hello to
your target audience.
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11. Play more Zeppelin.
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12. You guys, I've got
some terrible news.
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13. I've just been kicked off
the cheerleading squad.
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14. Oh, my gentle Jesus!
Oh, no!
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15. Oh, why?
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16. Jackie, I know how you feel. I
once got kicked off a cheerleader.
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17. Well, I need to get
back on that squad.
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18. They might be a bunch of
pom-pom waving bitches,
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19. but they're all I know.
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20. Steven, you've gotta take me to the
Christmas Eve dance tomorrow night.
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21. Uh, no.
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22. I can either dance with you or
spend Christmas Eve with you.
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23. Cannot do a combo.
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24. Steven, they will never take me
back if I don't show up all proud.
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25. If you could just see No.
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26. That this is something that's
really important to me, No.
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27. Then you'd understand that,
as my boyfriend, you should go.
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28. No!
Fine.
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29. Please?
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30. Fine.
Okay.
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31. Hey, shut up.
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32. If I'm going,
you guys are coming with me.
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33. Oh, no. I cannot go
to a high-school dance.
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34. I'm gonna be a father soon, I
gotta start acting more mature.
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35. All right, orange!
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36. Yeah, I'm not going either.
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37. The football team and I have
a little disagreement.
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38. They think it's funny
to stuff me into a locker,
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39. and I disagree.
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40. Yeah, man, the day I
graduated, I promised myself
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41. I would never set foot in
that godforsaken place again.
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42. Great news, kids.
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43. Red's gonna be the Santa down
at the mall on Christmas Eve,
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44. and I've signed you all up
to be his little helpers.
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45. Oh, I'm sorry, Mom.
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46. We're all going to the
Christmas Eve dance at school.
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47. Yeah!
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48. Hello, Wisconsin!
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49. Don't go away, kids,
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50. A Year Without A Santa Claus
will be right back.
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51. Man, Heat Miser's badass.
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52. So, what time are you coming
down to the station tonight?
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53. Let's see, the Christmas
dance starts at 8:00,
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54. so I'll just come as
soon as it gets lame.
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55. Say, uh, 8:02.
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56. Yeah. Hey, you know what?
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57. I'll even bring you
something sweet to munch on.
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58. Oh, and some cookies.
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59. What? Oh, what?
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60. Okay, now, please...
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61. Stand still.
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62. Nobody likes a Santa
with plumber's butt.
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63. Why am I doing this?
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64. Because I wanna
force some good cheer
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65. through your clogged arteries
and into your cranky heart.
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66. Yeah, it's like Christmas Drano.
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67. I can't believe you're
replacing me as Santa, Red.
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68. Three years and now
management says I'm too jolly.
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69. What do you want, Bob?
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70. I want to be Santa.
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71. Well, it's Red's turn this year.
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72. Santa could use an elf.
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73. Fine, but I don't wanna sit in the
back and pretend to assemble toys.
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74. I want to participate.
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75. Yeah, Bob,
you gotta keep your dignity.
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76. If you're in an elf costume,
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77. you don't want that tiny
hammer making you look silly.
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78. Steven, for the
Christmas Eve dance... No.
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79. What do you think
about this tie? No.
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80. Maybe this jacket...
No.
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81. How about a blazer?
No.
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82. Fine... Bolo?
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83. Fine.
Okay.
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84. Okay, Brooke,
I made a list of reasons
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85. why I'm gonna make a
great dad for our little baby.
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86. Okay, number one, I am a waiter.
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87. So we'll never
run out of straws.
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88. See? Look,
kids love straws.
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89. Michael, I really appreciate
the gesture, but no thanks.
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90. Seriously,
I think if we just hang out,
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91. you'll see that I'm getting
a lot more mature.
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92. I mean, just the other day
I watched golf and took a nap.
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93. Look, Michael, if we
weren't in this situation,
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94. I think you'd be
a really good friend.
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95. I mean, you're nice,
you bring me stuff,
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96. dogs love you.
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97. I just think we should limit
our time together to
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98. almost none.
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99. Okay, how about we make a
compromise between "almost none"
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100. and what I want to do,
which is "it"?
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101. Okay, if you want, you can
help me hang decorations tonight
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102. for the library's
Christmas party.
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103. Spend Christmas
Eve in a library?
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104. Why don't you just
kick me in the 'nads?
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105. Okay, here comes Julie,
the head cheerleader.
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106. Now, Steven, make me look good.
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107. Hello, Jackie.
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108. Hello, Julie.
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109. This is my boyfriend,
Steven J. Hyde III.
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110. First two are in jail.
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111. He pretends to be poor.
Isn't that funny?
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112. I have to say, I thought
you'd be too embarrassed
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113. to show your face here tonight.
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114. Well, to be honest, I only
came to see your outfit,
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115. so I'd know what not to wear.
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116. Well, let me show you the back.
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117. If you're trying to get back
on the cheerleading squad,
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118. shouldn't you be nice to her?
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119. Bitchiness is the only language
cheerleaders understand.
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120. These are bad girls,
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121. they need to be punished,
and they know it.
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122. Yeah, this is way better than
hanging out at the library with Brooke.
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123. Lot of great memories in here.
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124. Did it in there.
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125. Did it back there.
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126. Got caught by Miss Tompkins
doing it down there.
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127. Did it with Miss
Tompkins over there.
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128. Everyone, look for
football players.
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129. I cannot spend another
holiday in a locker.
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130. And this time, if I don't
show up for two days,
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131. come look for me.
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132. Oh, my God!
Eric Forman?
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133. You look great,
I love your shirt.
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134. Really?
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135. I wore this shirt for four
years, and no one said a thing.
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136. I guess now you
really fill it out.
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137. Thanks.
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138. I'm, like, up to 17
push-ups a night so...
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139. No, I don't think that's it.
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140. I think it's because you're
not a high-school boy anymore.
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141. Yeah, you're 18 now.
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142. You've seen and done it all.
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143. No, no, I...
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144. Yes.
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145. Yes, I have.
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146. Hey, you need to watch out,
okay? Girls are talking to you.
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147. I think there might be
a practical joke in the works.
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148. No, man, I don't think so.
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149. I think it's 'cause I graduated.
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150. Hyde, am I cool now?
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151. Well, you're cool
like margarine is butter.
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152. Close, but there's
a little aftertaste.
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153. You're in the middle of
a Christmas Eve rock block
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154. on WFPP with me, Hot Donna.
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155. That was bacon.
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156. I recorded that
myself earlier today.
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157. Stay tuned for more Christmas
classics with me, Hot Donna.
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158. I'm sorry,
but that is just too cool.
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159. Okay, Mr Claus,
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160. let's hear your
best Santa laugh.
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161. Ho, ho.
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162. You left out a "ho", Red.
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163. It's three "ho's". Did you
even read the Santa manual?
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164. Okay, Red, I'm sure
you'll do fine.
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165. Just remember, Santa
is a cheerful, jolly fellow,
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166. who never calls
a child "dumb-ass".
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167. So, what do you
want for Christmas?
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168. I want a slinky.
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169. A slinky? Oh, you'll get
sick of a slinky in a day.
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170. I'm putting you
down for flash cards.
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171. Math, that's what you're
getting for Christmas.
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172. Next.
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173. I want a pony.
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174. Ponies die.
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175. What you need is
a good pair of boots.
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176. Go on, keep it moving.
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177. I want a flying car.
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178. I did, too,
when I was your age, kid.
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179. But then the future came
and took my dreams away.
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180. Just like it's gonna take yours.
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181. Okay, okay, little
girl, you know what?
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182. I bet, if you're extra good,
you'll get your flying car one day.
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183. Don't listen to her.
It's a lie.
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184. Bad Santa.
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185. Yep, life after
graduation sure is sweet.
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186. Some days I wake
up and I'm like,
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187. "Hey, I'm having
ice-cream for breakfast."
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188. And you know what? I do.
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189. Wow!
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190. So, what have you two
been up to since graduation?
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191. She talked to me.
What do I do?
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192. Yeah, I got
a librarian pregnant.
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193. Damn! Good answer!
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194. So, like, Eric, what are
your plans for the future?
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195. Well, I guess I'm just gonna
keep on keeping on, you know?
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196. I'm thinking
about buying a boat.
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197. Okay, we're back, and if
my boyfriend's listening,
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198. you're late and
I'm a little worried
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199. you're trapped in a
snowdrift or something.
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200. So, honey, if you're cold,
I'm with you, baby.
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201. Okay, so let's
take some requests.
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202. Hello, you're on the air.
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203. Hi, I'd like to dedicate He's
the Greatest Dancer by Sister Sledge
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204. to Eric Forman, the coolest
guy at the Christmas dance.
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205. What? He's still at the dance?
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206. Sorry, I have to go. He's
telling us about his boat.
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207. That sneaky bastard.
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208. That sneaky bastard,
Santa Claus, is on his way
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209. with a non-stop block
of classic Christmas tunes.
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210. And remember, you're listening
to WFPP, with me, Hot Donna.
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211. You hear that, Eric Forman?
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212. That's not bacon, that's your
ass when I get a hold of you.
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213. Hey, I brought you
something sweet to munch on.
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214. Oh! And some cookies.
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215. Man, I knew that was funny.
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216. Man, I can't stop
thinking about Brooke.
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217. I mean, both you and me know
that every girl in here wants me,
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218. except for the couple of
weirdoes that seem to want you,
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219. but I don't care
about any of them.
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220. Look, Kelso, are you sure you
don't just have a crush on Brooke
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221. because she's a librarian,
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222. and you've seen some
librarian layout in Playboy?
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223. Eric, I'm sure
that's part of it.
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224. Whatever.
I'm going to the library.
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225. Whoa, that felt weird to say.
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226. Steven, you don't look like
you're having a good time.
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227. I'm not.
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228. I know, but I need
you to act like you are.
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229. Just think about
stuff you enjoy,
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230. like shoplifting or dirty jeans.
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231. Jackie, how come you never told
me you were dating an older man?
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232. Well, I guess I was
just distracted
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233. by the life I lead
outside of cheerleading,
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234. where I do fun and
glamorous things,
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235. with my older,
mysterious boyfriend.
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236. That's true.
Why, just last week,
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237. we sat on the couch
and had a fight.
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238. I'm jealous.
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239. This dance sucks.
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240. None of the girls remember me.
They all think I'm a waiter.
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241. Hey, I got an idea how you can
get these girls' attention.
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242. Oh, boy, does it involve me
hiding in the girls' bathroom?
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243. No.
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244. Okay, we'll try your way.
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245. And that's what really
happened in Vietnam.
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246. I don't understand.
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247. Neither do I, kid.
Neither do I.
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248. Okay, little boy, time to
say goodbye to Santa.
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249. What's an ambush?
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250. It's a pretty bush
with yellow flowers.
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251. Kitty, I gotta tell you,
I'm good with kids.
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252. I really taught him something.
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253. You know, I think I'm beginning
to feel the Christmas spirit.
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254. Well, I'm glad, Red.
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255. But let's try
telling a Christmas story
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256. where nobody gets
caught in a firefight.
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257. Bob, what the hell
are you doing?
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258. You're depressing the kids.
I'm Santa now.
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259. Get out of my chair, Bob,
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260. or you're gonna get a
candy cane up your chimney.
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261. I'm not moving.
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262. Kitty, hold my silly red hat.
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263. You're right, I really am funny.
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264. What do you think you're
doing? Eric, you never showed up.
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265. I was worried about you.
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266. Well, I'm sorry, I guess
I lost track of time.
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267. Maybe it's because
I am a god to these people.
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268. Donna, they like this shirt.
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269. This is a horrible shirt.
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270. I gave you that shirt.
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271. I know. I love this shirt.
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272. Eric, I can't believe you let
yourself get a swelled head
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273. just because a couple of
high-school kids think you're cool.
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274. Excuse me, aren't you Hot Donna?
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275. You were so awesome
on the radio today.
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276. You really think?
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277. Wait, what's going on?
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278. I think we're in for a treat.
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279. Nice decorations.
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280. I see you're using one
of the better-tasting glues.
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281. What are you doing here?
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282. Oh, I just thought,
instead of having
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283. a fun Christmas
Eve somewhere else,
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284. I'd rather have
a boring one here with you.
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285. But we could have some fun.
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286. Michael, I've told you before,
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287. just because you come
to the library after hours,
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288. does not mean I'm gonna
walk around topless.
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289. But it's Christmas.
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290. Oh, here let me help you
with the decorations.
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291. Pregnant women should not
be standing on their tiptoes,
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292. 'cause the baby will
come out all cross-eyed.
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293. Listen, if you think you're
gonna get me interested in you
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294. by being cute and
making me laugh...
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295. Well, it's probably gonna work.
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296. But if you screw this up,
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297. I am gonna ruin your credit with
thousands of dollars in library fines.
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298. Fair enough.
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299. Well, what say we seal
this newfound friendship
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300. with a round of topless
ornament hanging?
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301. Okay, fine!
Whatever you wanna do.
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302. Topless.
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303. This mall is only big
enough for one Santa, Bob.
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304. Tell you what, you name
five reindeer and I'll step down.
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305. I can name five toes that
are gonna be in your ass.
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306. Oh, for goodness' sake!
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307. Why don't we stop calling it
Christmas and call it "Assmas"?
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308. Fine, I'll go.
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309. I only got worked up because
Joanne's gone, Donna's working.
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310. The only people I have at home
are my two friends, Egg and Nog.
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311. All right, fine.
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312. You wanna be Santa, go ahead.
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313. Thanks, Red.
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314. Yeah, it's all for the best.
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315. I've already eaten about two
pounds of fake beard as it is.
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316. There he is. Santa's the one who
told me that communists hate God.
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317. Gotta go, Santa.
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318. Merry Christmas, Bob.
Mrs Claus needs a drink.
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319. And then I push a button,
and it sounds like bacon.
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320. This is so awesome.
We're like a celebrity couple.
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321. It's intoxicating.
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322. Donna, it is a heady brew.
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323. Hey, let's go drink beer
in front of some sophomores.
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324. Jackie, in light of you showing
up tonight with your boyfriend,
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325. who, by the way, is
totally cool and a fox...
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326. Big newsflash there.
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327. I'd like to invite you
to rejoin the cheer squad.
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328. Really?
Yeah.
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329. Huh.
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330. You know, I don't think I wanna
be a cheerleader anymore.
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331. But we hugged and jumped.
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332. Well, I'm gonna have to
take back that hug and jump
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333. with a pout and a shrug.
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334. Are you telling me I came
to this hellhole for nothing?
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335. No, not for nothing, Steven.
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336. I realize these girls
aren't my friends anymore.
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337. I learned something
about myself.
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338. Oh, well, isn't that...
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339. Okay, well, if it makes you feel
any better, I get to keep the uniform.
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340. Yeah, that helps.
Yeah.
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341. You set me up! "Sing a
song, they'll all love you."
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342. Well, I'm gonna spend
Christmas in a locker.
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343. Oh, crap, I'm still on the air!
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344. Jigsaw puzzle.
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345. Baseball glove.
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346. Barbie doll tea set.
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347. Wow, you're good at this.
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348. Yeah, I've had
a little practice.
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349. Ant farm.
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350. It's a Lone Ranger cap gun set.
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351. http://hiqve.com/
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