1. So get this, I got fired!Copy !req
2. I'd never thought I'd say this but...Copy !req
3. apparently I'm not good enough
for the dog food factory.Copy !req
4. I thought you'd say that.Copy !req
5. Honey, don't worry...Copy !req
6. we'll get along fine without your paycheck.Copy !req
7. Instead of going to the movies,
we'll watch TV.Copy !req
8. Instead of eating popcorn, we'll lick salt.Copy !req
9. It's like, why would Joanne fire me?Copy !req
10. Bob she's your girlfriend,
did she say anything?Copy !req
11. Eric, ixnay on oanne-jay.Copy !req
12. Donna, you know I don't
understand Pig Latin.Copy !req
13. Bob, what is Joanne's problem?Copy !req
14. Eric, ixnay means shut up.Copy !req
15. It's okay, honey. I can talk about it.Copy !req
16. Me and Joanne broke up.Copy !req
17. And— and I didn't see it coming.Copy !req
18. Bob, what did I tell you last week?Copy !req
19. Don't cry in your kitchen?Copy !req
20. And I didn't mean just that day.
I meant always.Copy !req
21. I better go then.Copy !req
22. Nice going.Copy !req
23. Ackass-jayCopy !req
24. Ackass-jay?Copy !req
25. Oh...Copy !req
26. Jackass!Copy !req
27. Well, honey, I don't think you're a jackass.
I think you're a jack-angel.Copy !req
28. Hey Mom, look, I know...Copy !req
29. you're worried about money with
Dad not being able to work.Copy !req
30. But I want you to know, I'm gonna go
right back out there and get a...Copy !req
31. a better job, a high paying job.Copy !req
32. Well sure, just go down to
the Bureau of High Paying Jobs.Copy !req
33. You can't miss it, it's right next to the
Pie-in-the-Sky Office.Copy !req
34. Jackass!Copy !req
35. Oh really? Thank you.Copy !req
36. Well the job search is going great.Copy !req
37. I think I have a shot at
washing an old man's back...Copy !req
38. on tuesdays and thursdays.Copy !req
39. They were looking for a waiter
down at the restaurant.Copy !req
40. Whoa, why'd you tell him,
I'm up for that job.Copy !req
41. That's why I told him.Copy !req
42. No, no, no.Copy !req
43. Look, Eric,
I need this job way more than you do.Copy !req
44. You don't have a baby on the way.Copy !req
45. But I do have a family to support.Copy !req
46. And— if I don't keep the booze flowing,
they're going to get violent.Copy !req
47. Well, look...Copy !req
48. the only way Brooke's going to let
me be a part of my kid's life is if...Copy !req
49. I prove to her that I'm responsible.Copy !req
50. A promotion at the
restaurant would impress her.Copy !req
51. And, I mean...Copy !req
52. busboy is a job but waiter is a career.Copy !req
53. Okay. Well then, you know what.
We'll just both go down there, apply and...Copy !req
54. may the best man win.Copy !req
55. No, I want it.Copy !req
56. Laurie! Well look what
the whore dragged in.Copy !req
57. Herself.Copy !req
58. Need I remind you that you are married.Copy !req
59. Oh, that's okay.
The guy from last night was married too.Copy !req
60. What is your problem?Copy !req
61. Are you two at it again?Copy !req
62. Your green card is on the way,
I thought this marriage was over.Copy !req
63. Laurie, I gave you $50 last week to go
down to the court house...Copy !req
64. and file for divorce. What happened?Copy !req
65. Well I had to get a new
make up mirror and some wine.Copy !req
66. Tomorrow we're going to the court house.Copy !req
67. Hmm, the court house is across town.
I wonder if you can make it...Copy !req
68. all the way there
without sleeping with someone.Copy !req
69. I bet I can make it there
without sleeping with you.Copy !req
70. Bitch!Copy !req
71. Bob?Copy !req
72. What are you doin' here, anyway?Copy !req
73. Oh, it's just something I'm trying out.Copy !req
74. How's it goin'?Copy !req
75. It's a little uncomfortable.Copy !req
76. I thought it'll be better
than sitting home alone.Copy !req
77. It's not.Copy !req
78. Oh, my poor dad.Copy !req
79. I wish there was something I can do
to make him feel better.Copy !req
80. Well, once when I was sad,
when Michael was cheating on me...Copy !req
81. I got flowers from a secret admirer,
and it cheered me right up.Copy !req
82. I mean, sure I send them to myself.
But it's the thought that counts.Copy !req
83. Those flowers were from you?Copy !req
84. You let me go on and on
about how they were from me.Copy !req
85. God, try a little honesty!Copy !req
86. Wait. That's actually not a bad idea.Copy !req
87. If my dad thought somebody else likes him,
he wouldn't be so bummed about Joanne.Copy !req
88. But men don't really like flowers, do they?Copy !req
89. No, they remind as of bees.Copy !req
90. Oh, I'll send him fudge.Copy !req
91. He loves fudge. I know
because one time he got some...Copy !req
92. and I asked if I can have a piece,
and he quickly changed the subject.Copy !req
93. Well, let me tell them
what to write in the card.Copy !req
94. I'm good at that.Copy !req
95. When I sent myself those flowers
and read how much I love me,Copy !req
96. I felt so much better.Copy !req
97. Hey, Roy, remember me? I'm Eric Forman.Copy !req
98. - Oh hey, how are you?
- I'm here to apply for the waiter position.Copy !req
99. - Okay.
- Roy...Copy !req
100. that's the guy I was telling you about.Copy !req
101. Ohh...Copy !req
102. Well, I don't think we
can hire a waiter...Copy !req
103. who's got a disease that
spreads through food.Copy !req
104. Roy, he really doesn't like to
talk about his death-a-food-a-spreaditis.Copy !req
105. Death-a-food-a-spread-a-what?Copy !req
106. Who are you? Elmer Fudd?Copy !req
107. All right fine, he doesn't have a disease.Copy !req
108. I just— I really want the job, Roy.Copy !req
109. Well I wish I could give it to both of you.
I mean...Copy !req
110. Eric's got that Zippy personality
and Kelso's old man.Copy !req
111. I know what we should do.
We should make it a competition.Copy !req
112. That way, there's the fun
of someone losing.Copy !req
113. Okay, everybody, let's put
some smiles on those faces.Copy !req
114. We're goin' to get divorced.Copy !req
115. What the hell's this?Copy !req
116. Looks like a box.Copy !req
117. I know it's a box.Copy !req
118. Hey, what's with the attitude?
I'm just making conversation...Copy !req
119. looks like a box, it is a box.
This is how real people talk, man.Copy !req
120. Oh, it's a present.Copy !req
121. Ooh, it's a wedding present
from Aunt Martha!Copy !req
122. You told her about the marriage?Copy !req
123. We agreed never to speak
of this evil to anyone!Copy !req
124. Well, I had to tell a few people...Copy !req
125. because I never thought I'd be able to say
"Laurie got married"...Copy !req
126. without adding
"and the baby came early".Copy !req
127. Ooh, look at the paper sparkle!Copy !req
128. I wonder what it is.Copy !req
129. Well keep wondering 'cause
this package is going right back.Copy !req
130. - But Daddy!
- But Daddy!Copy !req
131. No, no, I— I'm just curious...Copy !req
132. Aunt Martha's well to do.Copy !req
133. So you have to figure, it's
a pretty nice present.Copy !req
134. Don't you want to just peek?Copy !req
135. No, I want to go to the court house.
Now get moving.Copy !req
136. Whatever's in this package
might make you happy for a day,Copy !req
137. but a divorce is a gift
that lasts a lifetime.Copy !req
138. Guess what girls?Copy !req
139. I got fudge.Copy !req
140. Fudge? What a surprise!Copy !req
141. Who is it from?Copy !req
142. It doesn't say.
But there's a poem.Copy !req
143. "Roses are red
Violets are blueCopy !req
144. Fudge is sweet
Here's some fudge."Copy !req
145. Wha— they rushed me.Copy !req
146. I wonder who it's from,Copy !req
147. 'cause it sounds like someone likes you.Copy !req
148. I hope it's a lady.Copy !req
149. Hello!Copy !req
150. Oh, hi Joanne.Copy !req
151. It's Joanne.Copy !req
152. Really? Well...Copy !req
153. I think it's a little late to talk
about getting back together...Copy !req
154. it turns out, I'm very desirable.Copy !req
155. So I think this is goodbye.Copy !req
156. Oh, and I want my
Barry White albums back...Copy !req
157. and my body paints.Copy !req
158. Oh my God!Copy !req
159. I know they painted each other! Ugh!Copy !req
160. Eric, you're first.Copy !req
161. I'm gonna test you on the skills
every waiter should have.Copy !req
162. Roy, I want you to know that because
of my extensive background in crafts...Copy !req
163. I can fold a napkin
into a rose, a swan...Copy !req
164. and the rarely seen, X-wing Fighter.Copy !req
165. - Cool!
- I know.Copy !req
166. Okay, I'm gonna place a difficult order...Copy !req
167. and you'll relay it to Steven
in the kitchen. Here it goes.Copy !req
168. Surf and turf, no seafood.
Meat, nice and pink.Copy !req
169. Mashed potatoes, not mashed.
Sliced into wedges and fried up.Copy !req
170. Okay, so steak, medium rare
and french fries.Copy !req
171. Okay I'm gonna need #4, still kickin',
hold the guppy and send it to France.Copy !req
172. And that...Copy !req
173. is how you do that.Copy !req
174. Surf and turf, no seafood.
Meat, nice and pink.Copy !req
175. Mashed potatoes, not mashed.
Sliced into wedges and fried up.Copy !req
176. One cheese burger.Copy !req
177. It's very important that a waiter
can deal with difficult costumers.Copy !req
178. Steven and I are gonna play
a married couple.Copy !req
179. I'm not so into this Roy.Copy !req
180. Excuse me waiter, uh,
this wine is no good.Copy !req
181. It's our anniversary and
I want everything to be perfect.Copy !req
182. God knows it's hard enough just
to get him out of the house.Copy !req
183. Well I'm very sorry madam...Copy !req
184. if you'll allow me to bring you
a complimentary bottle of our finest wine...Copy !req
185. I'd be most obliged.Copy !req
186. Most obliged?Copy !req
187. That's Shakespeare.Copy !req
188. Waiter! Uh, it's our anniversary
and this wine is no good.Copy !req
189. Yeah, you got a lot more
problems than the wine.Copy !req
190. You are one ugly broad.Copy !req
191. I do not appreciate your tone.Copy !req
192. My tone?
Dude your wife's a bitch!Copy !req
193. Okay. Work your way around the tables
with a tray full of dishes...Copy !req
194. without spilling or dropping anything.Copy !req
195. And for God's sake,
watch out for the baby.Copy !req
196. Go!Copy !req
197. Ten bucks says his skinny little wrist
snaps under the weight.Copy !req
198. I'll take that bet.
He's scrawny, but strong.Copy !req
199. Like the Vietcong.Copy !req
200. So...Copy !req
201. Like when does this test start?Copy !req
202. All right.
Oh, what's this?Copy !req
203. Roy, I think you might have left
a 20 dollar bill tucked in my sleeve.Copy !req
204. I'm always losing stuff.Copy !req
205. But— No Roy, that was...Copy !req
206. And, go!Copy !req
207. Well, Eric, you're hired.Copy !req
208. Oh really?
Roy, this is like a dream. Uh...Copy !req
209. A really mediocre dream.Copy !req
210. All right everybody...Copy !req
211. only twelve signatures
to the end of what I like to call...Copy !req
212. the shame.Copy !req
213. Still there...Copy !req
214. and it calls to me.Copy !req
215. Like a box with something
mysterious in it.Copy !req
216. There's nothing like a present
wrapped in beautiful paper.Copy !req
217. It's like...Copy !req
218. Cary Grant in a tuxedo.
I just want to rip it off.Copy !req
219. Don't touch it!Copy !req
220. I'm not...Copy !req
221. I'm smelling it.Copy !req
222. What does it smell like?Copy !req
223. A box.Copy !req
224. - I hope it's a sewing machine.
- I hope it's a TV.Copy !req
225. I hope it's a...Copy !req
226. a chocolate TV.Copy !req
227. There could be perishables in there.Copy !req
228. Oh my God!
What if it's a puppy?Copy !req
229. We have to open it.Copy !req
230. I don't care if Eric's in there.Copy !req
231. It's going back.Copy !req
232. Now, let's get this signed.Copy !req
233. - Look right here, paper's ripped.
- Oh my gosh, you're right.Copy !req
234. Hmm. I see part of a word, moore...Copy !req
235. and under that, something cro...Copy !req
236. Moore... Cro...
Moore... Cro...Copy !req
237. It's a Kenmoore Microwave!
I win! I win!Copy !req
238. Hey. Hyde, where's table seven's fish?Copy !req
239. Oh, I got that for you Eric.Copy !req
240. Here is your Fillet of Sole.Copy !req
241. Ohh... Burn!Copy !req
242. All right Eric, here's the
pea soup you ordered.Copy !req
243. You peed in this soup, didn't you?Copy !req
244. No. I'm done trying to screw you over.Copy !req
245. All right bud. It's not
your fault you got the job...Copy !req
246. some people are busboy,
and some people are waiters. And...Copy !req
247. guess I'm... just an... extremely...Copy !req
248. handsome busboy.Copy !req
249. Roy...Copy !req
250. that extremely handsome busboy
just broke my heart.Copy !req
251. I really don't think
he'd peed in the soup, Eric.Copy !req
252. Look, couldn't you find
another waiter job for him?Copy !req
253. He needs a break,
he's got a baby on the way.Copy !req
254. Well, there might be a job opening up...Copy !req
255. 'cause Jeannie said she'd quit
if I don't stop asking her out.Copy !req
256. Come on, I'm not gonna stop
asking her out.Copy !req
257. So...Copy !req
258. if I really work hard with Kelso...Copy !req
259. will you give him another tryout?Copy !req
260. Sure.Copy !req
261. But I really don't think he can handle it...Copy !req
262. and my standards for
food service are really low.Copy !req
263. I haven't washed my hands in four days.Copy !req
264. - Dad—
- Too late, I finished it.Copy !req
265. So, I was trying to figure out
who sent me the fudge...Copy !req
266. and I thought, it could be
the lady at the pharmacy.Copy !req
267. Which is nice because
she's seen my prescriptions...Copy !req
268. so we can skip that
awkward conversation.Copy !req
269. Or it could be the mail lady.Copy !req
270. Dad, I have to tell you something.Copy !req
271. Jackie and I sent you the fudge.Copy !req
272. What?Copy !req
273. Well you seemed so sad that
we wanted to cheer you up.Copy !req
274. But then we screwed your chance of
getting back together with Joanne, so...Copy !req
275. So nobody likes me.Copy !req
276. We like you!Copy !req
277. Eh...Copy !req
278. We're really sorry, Dad.Copy !req
279. I guess it's not so bad. I mean...Copy !req
280. I haven't thought about Joanne all day.Copy !req
281. Well if you want we can
all do something today.Copy !req
282. I could take you to the
model train shop.Copy !req
283. Some of the tiny trees in Pinciotti Town
are looking pretty ratty.Copy !req
284. Nah, I'm gonna go down and
talk to the girl at the pharmacy.Copy !req
285. She's got a better
keister than the mail lady.Copy !req
286. You'd think with all that walkin'...Copy !req
287. Hey, guess you either got it or you don't.Copy !req
288. Guys, give it up.
I'm not gonna be able to do this.Copy !req
289. Hey!Copy !req
290. That's not the Kelso I know.Copy !req
291. A lot of people said couldn't fit
73 cherry bombs into a toilet...Copy !req
292. and who proved them wrong?Copy !req
293. I did.Copy !req
294. That's right!Copy !req
295. And a lot of people said you couldn't
make out with both of the Ziegler twins...Copy !req
296. on the same night and
who proved them wrong?Copy !req
297. I did!Copy !req
298. Oh, and I also brushed your mom's boob
at a bake sale...Copy !req
299. so actually it was a three-fer.Copy !req
300. Exactly! You are Michael Kelso. Right?
You make the impossible happen.Copy !req
301. Now come on.
Let's do this!Copy !req
302. Okay. Ready.Copy !req
303. Get set.Copy !req
304. Kelso!Copy !req
305. What?Copy !req
306. Good luck.Copy !req
307. Ah! What a beautiful morning!
The birds are singing.Copy !req
308. The flowers are blooming.
Divorce is in the air.Copy !req
309. Now, let's finish this.Copy !req
310. Red, no one wants to get divorced
on an empty stomach.Copy !req
311. Ooh, and that's breakfast!Copy !req
312. You used the microwave!Copy !req
313. Red Forman, I firmly believe that God wants
me to bake a potato in four minutes.Copy !req
314. No, God wants these two divorced...Copy !req
315. and all evidence of their
unholy union out of this house.Copy !req
316. We got another present.Copy !req
317. No, no! Don't open it 'cause
we're not keeping it.Copy !req
318. Whoa.Copy !req
319. Look at that saw!Copy !req
320. It's from Billy Schneider
down at the hardware store.Copy !req
321. He's had a crush on me since I went
ladder shopping in that miniskirt.Copy !req
322. Okay, just to make it clear.
If you're buying me a gift...Copy !req
323. I want candy.Copy !req
324. For my birthday, christmas,
daylight savings— candy.Copy !req
325. Candy!Copy !req
326. Now, you can have the saw, Red.Copy !req
327. No. I...Copy !req
328. that would be, uh...Copy !req
329. wrong.Copy !req
330. Well.Copy !req
331. It would be wrong
if they were divorced.Copy !req
332. But if they stayed married,
sending the gifts back would be rude.Copy !req
333. You make a good point!Copy !req
334. But I want a divorce.Copy !req
335. I'll tell you what, honey.
We'll wait a month.Copy !req
336. If a riding mower hasn't
shown up by then, we'll talk.Copy !req
337. Okay, remember, buddy.
The tray is like a lady.Copy !req
338. Dance with her.Copy !req
339. And, go!Copy !req
340. I did it!Copy !req
341. Congratulations!
You got the job.Copy !req
342. - Oh. I can't wait to tell Brooke!
- Hey.Copy !req
343. Welcome to the exclusive ranks of waiter
at a crappy hotel restaurant.Copy !req
344. I can't believe that I did it.Copy !req
345. Yeah.Copy !req
346. I can't believe the glue held.Copy !req
347. Yeah.
Super Glue kicks ass!Copy !req
348. You know what, Kelso?
Your first shift is not gonna go well.Copy !req
349. Oh, it's gonna be a disaster!Copy !req
350. "Never put
metal in the microwave"Copy !req
351. This isn't metal, it is soup.Copy !req
352. Miss Kitty!
Eric broke the microwave!Copy !req