1. Uh-huh.
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2. Red. Red.
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3. Cousin Alice wants to know why
Eric and Donna's wedding is off.
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4. Well, just tell her
what your son did.
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5. Oh, now he's my son,
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6. just like when he told us
he wanted to be a jazz dancer.
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7. Well, he's our son, Red.
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8. No son of mine would humiliate his
family by running off on his fiancee.
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9. Alice,
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10. the wedding is
off because Eric is
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11. gay.
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12. You're right.
Everybody knew except him.
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13. Eric is a mental midget.
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14. And you know what else?
He runs like a girl.
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15. Bob, you run like a girl.
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16. Only when I'm
scared of something.
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17. Honey, I'm sure Eric
has a good explanation.
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18. On the several occasions I didn't
show up for one of my weddings,
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19. I always called to
say I had appendicitis.
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20. Well, Eric's not here,
my little girl's unhappy,
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21. and I want to punch somebody.
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22. Bob, you don't want to fight.
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23. I've known you for a long time,
and I know what you really want
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24. is a piece of cake.
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25. A piece of cake, Kitty?
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26. My daughter is devastated,
and you offer me cake?
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27. You just tell me one thing,
is it chocolate?
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28. Devil's food. I can have it on
the table in less than a minute.
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29. Let's do that, then.
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30. Okay, guys,
Donna's on her way over,
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31. and she knows we all know why
Eric left, and she wants some answers.
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32. Well, I'm not gonna tell her.
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33. Give Donna bad
news and she hits.
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34. She wasn't on the boys'
JV wrestling team for nothing.
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35. Okay, well, I can't do it.
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36. The last person a girl wants to hear
bad news from is a woman who has it all.
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37. Well, you can count me out. I
won't face a girl when I ditch her.
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38. I'm not gonna do it
when somebody else does.
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39. Well,
I'm not telling her, either.
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40. I don't want my
personal parts damaged.
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41. I mean, they're
practically brand-new.
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42. Well, in a deadlock such as this,
we're forced to turn to our judicial code,
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43. which clearly states that in the
event of bad news being delivered
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44. in reference to a canceled
wedding, the foreigner does it.
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45. Ah, yes. The Immigration
Conversation Act.
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46. Where the hell is Eric
and why did he do this to me?
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47. Um... Okay...
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48. Eric was afraid getting married
and staying here was a mistake.
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49. You know, because you would be
giving up your dream of traveling the world
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50. and becoming
a ball-breaking feminist.
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51. - Jackie, don't push!
- You don't push, you stupid...
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52. Hey, hey. Hey! Knock it
off before Fez gets hurt.
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53. Look, I just want to say
that we're all really sorry.
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54. How could Eric ditch me the night before
our wedding without saying one word?
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55. Look, would it make you feel
better if I told you Eric left a note?
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56. - He left a note?
- No.
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57. But you should hold
on to that feeling.
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58. Hello, Wisconsin!
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59. Eric, what a dink, right?
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60. You know, I had to call everybody
and tell them the wedding's off.
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61. The only good thing is,
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62. there's a rumor going around
that he's gay.
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63. Which is nice.
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64. Look, man,
I mean, I know you're mad,
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65. but, you know, Forman was
trying to do the right thing.
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66. He just did it in the wrong way.
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67. Yeah, but, Hyde,
I don't care why he did it.
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68. I mean,
I can't ever forgive him.
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69. When I called my mom,
I just cried and cried.
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70. Really?
I can't see you crying.
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71. I've seen Forman crying.
He does a lot of,
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72. "Shut up!
I'm not crying."
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73. I want to be mad.
Don't make me laugh.
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74. Oh, my God!
Hyde, are you okay?
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75. I'm too old for this crap!
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76. Why am I stronger than
all the guys I hang out with?
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77. You look dorky.
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78. Hyde, I am so sorry.
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79. I don't know my own strength.
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80. I mean, I guess I'm still all
bulked up from JV wrestling.
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81. You know what? This isn't my
fault. This is Eric's fault for taking off.
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82. Hey, look at the bright side.
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83. Now, I can spy on you
from Eric's empty bedroom
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84. instead of climbing up a tree
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85. where there's no place
to put my juice box.
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86. Man, I can't believe I missed
you falling out of the water tower.
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87. So, I'm at home,
and I'm watching Scooby-Doo,
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88. and I think to myself,
"You know what?
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89. "You should go and hang out
with Hyde and Donna."
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90. And then I think, "No,"
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91. because maybe Scooby and
Shaggy found a real ghost this time.
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92. But it wasn't. It was just
another crazy old guy.
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93. Steven, I heard what happened.
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94. - And you brought me flowers?
- No, these are for me.
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95. My boyfriend fell
off the water tower.
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96. So, what, Donna? You're alone
and you want me to be alone, too?
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97. Okay, Steven, get on home.
I'll take care of you later.
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98. Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
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99. I don't need that baby crap.
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100. Look at all this
glorious wedding food.
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101. Do you,
Fez, take this pizza roll?
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102. I do.
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103. You know what part of falling
off the water tower I like?
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104. The part right after you fall until
the part where you hit the ground.
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105. Yeah, yeah! And then that
part right after you crash
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106. - where you're just
kind of vibrating there?
- Oh, yeah.
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107. That was cool, too.
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108. Yeah, and the second time
you fall, it'll be even better,
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109. 'cause you know what to expect.
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110. You know, so you can enjoy it,
like, do a flip or something.
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111. A flip would be awesome!
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112. Man, I'm so glad
you fell off the water tower.
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113. Look at this.
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114. Eric's gone, and I'm left with the
flying Stupid-Ass-Insky brothers.
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115. Mom?
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116. - Midge!
- Midge!
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117. You sounded so sad on
the phone, I just had to come.
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118. We missed you so much.
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119. All right. All right.
Donna, quit hogging your mom!
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120. I know something very interesting
about someone we know very well.
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121. No, no. None of your
supermarket gossip.
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122. If half of what you say is true,
everybody in this town would have VD.
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123. Well, I was going over Steven's
file when he was at the hospital,
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124. and you know his father?
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125. I believe I had the pleasure
of him writing me a hot check.
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126. Of course,
in his defense, he was drunk.
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127. Well, according
to Steven's birth certificate,
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128. that's not his father.
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129. This is so exciting.
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130. Steven has a different father
that he doesn't know about.
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131. Maybe a nice father,
maybe a sober father.
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132. Well, we don't want him to be
entirely sober.
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133. You know how those people are.
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134. Mom, I can't tell you how much
it means to me that you're here.
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135. Well, there are times when a
mother has to be there for her baby.
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136. Like now and I
guess when she's born.
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137. You know, Mrs. Pinciotti,
in my younger days,
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138. I had quite the crush on you.
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139. Even though I knew
nothing could ever happen.
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140. But now that I'm older, and
I'm gonna be a father soon,
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141. if anything does happen,
we got to keep it quiet.
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142. Steven, you're late.
Where... Midge!
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143. Hey, what a surprise.
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144. I should probably return these
earrings I didn't know were yours.
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145. - Midge,
what are you doing here?
- I came to see Donna.
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146. Who's the amazon?
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147. Oh. This is my, uh, friend.
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148. Friend?
I don't think so.
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149. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing
that ever happened to him.
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150. I'm Midge, the second-best
thing that ever happened to him.
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151. Dad, I invited
her to stay with us.
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152. Your mom is staying with us?
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153. No, your mom is staying with us.
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154. What about my mom?
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155. Well, that's not my mom,
that's your mom.
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156. I'm confused.
Who am I sleeping with?
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157. Steven, we need to talk to you
about something pretty important.
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158. Look, whatever you found in
my room was planted there.
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159. - No. We...
- What's in your room?
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160. - Red, stay focused.
- Yeah, stay focused.
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161. All right, Steven, just for the record,
I told her to mind her own business,
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162. and then she said, "Fine, you
can make your own dinner."
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163. So, here we are.
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164. No. No, no, no.
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165. Steven, we found out that
the man you think is your father
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166. isn't really your father.
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167. Your real father's name is William
Barnett, and he lives in Milwaukee.
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168. Oh, my God!
Steven, this is so exciting!
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169. You have a whole new family, which
is great, because I hate your family.
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170. Steven, I know you have a lot
of feelings and emotions,
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171. and maybe you want to cry.
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172. We won't tell if you cry.
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173. I'll tell.
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174. Yeah,
I don't like guys that cry.
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175. Will you two please?
Steven, are you okay?
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176. Well, I don't really know the
guy who's supposed to be my dad,
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177. and obviously,
I don't know this new guy,
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178. so I don't really care.
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179. But, Steven, you have to care.
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180. What if your new dad is
something amazing like a doctor
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181. or the guy who
owns the Love Boat?
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182. That didn't go well.
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183. What did you want to happen?
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184. Well, I thought he would be
happy to hear about his dad.
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185. We'd all go to Milwaukee,
and then his rich, new father
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186. would be so thrilled to see
him, he'd buy me a fur coat.
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187. Bob, could you pass the syrup?
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188. You're gonna give her the syrup?
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189. The syrup we
share every morning?
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190. The syrup that stands for everything
that we are as a man and a woman?
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191. I was gonna,
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192. but I won't.
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193. I will later.
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194. No, I won't.
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195. - How's it going?
- Your father's an ass.
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196. Something we agree on.
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197. It's not going that well.
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198. Okay, I find this whole thing
very disturbing.
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199. I was left at the altar
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200. and all I can think about
is what's my dad doing,
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201. who's he doing it with,
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202. and if I walk through that
door, am I gonna see it?
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203. Well, whatever he's doing,
he's doing with me,
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204. and we're doing it everywhere,
so knock.
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205. So after we left, Steven
said he didn't want to talk
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206. about his new dad in
Milwaukee, and he didn't.
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207. And he wasn't not talking
about it to be bitchy like I would.
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208. He really didn't
want to talk about it.
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209. Well, I don't like the way he just
walked out after we told him the news.
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210. Why would he do that?
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211. Because he's a man, Kitty.
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212. And he knows you want
him to cry, but he won't,
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213. because crying is for
babies and Italians.
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214. And I think we all just need
to stay out of his business.
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215. Steven, you're all dressed up.
Are you gonna propose?
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216. No. I...
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217. I thought I'd head
out to Milwaukee.
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218. - By yourself?
- Yeah, I guess.
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219. So, I'll see you
guys later, then.
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220. Well, we were just talking
about going to Milwaukee
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221. for their famous honey buns.
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222. Well, you guys could
come along, I guess.
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223. Well, I'm... I'm sure in
the mood for a honey bun.
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224. And to see baby go
home to his daddy!
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225. So Midge wanted you
to pass the syrup,
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226. and Pam wouldn't let you.
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227. That's interesting.
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228. What do you think it means?
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229. I think it means
you got a shot at something
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230. only rock stars
and professional athletes get.
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231. Free passes to Disneyland?
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232. No, Fez,
two ladies at the same time.
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233. Screw Disneyland.
That's a much better ride.
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234. Think I could
really keep both of them?
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235. May I say from experience,
when you're dealing with two ladies,
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236. the end won't be pretty,
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237. but the ride down is super fun.
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238. I don't know what to do, Mom.
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239. I mean, I always thought
Eric and I would be together,
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240. and he blew it.
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241. Maybe you'll work it out.
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242. Well,
I don't want to work it out.
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243. I want to push his face in the
dirt like we did when we were kids.
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244. You know what, I never
should have stopped doing that.
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245. Donna, just forgive him.
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246. How? Give me one good reason.
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247. Honey, I can't give
you a rational reason.
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248. There probably isn't one.
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249. But if you love him, and you
don't want to be without him,
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250. you have to forgive him.
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251. I was too hard-headed to
forgive your father and I wish I had.
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252. Oh, Midge.
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253. - You want to take a walk?
- Sure, I'll drive.
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254. Did you see that? Maybe
someone will have a happy ending.
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255. And then another beginning and another
ending, because he's got two ladies.
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256. Bob Pinciotti, a street kid out of
nowhere, gets a shot at the title.
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257. You know what? He's like the
Rocky of bagging two ladies.
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258. It's a big day, meeting
your father for the first time.
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259. You bet.
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260. A big day for my big guy, huh?
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261. Mmm-hmm.
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262. - So how you doing?
- I'm fine.
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263. You doing all right, baby?
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264. Just quit. Stop. Stop.
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265. Keep it down. This
isn't your parole office.
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266. - Mr. Barnett will see you now.
- Okay. Okay. This is it.
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267. Jackie, here's the camera.
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268. Take a picture of Steven
the minute he sees his father.
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269. If he cries and you
miss it, I will hurt you.
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270. - Where's Steven?
- He left.
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271. Yeah. I saw him go and I
didn't say anything on purpose.
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272. All right, let's go. Come on.
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273. Kitty!
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274. I came all this way.
I want my fur coat.
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275. Who's there?
Who's there? Who's there?
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276. - Jeez, Donna, stop!
- God.
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277. I didn't know that was you.
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278. You dirt bag! How could you
do that? You just left me there!
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279. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I freaked out, okay?
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280. I tried to talk to you about it,
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281. but I couldn't, and I...
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282. I didn't know what to do.
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283. All I knew was that I...
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284. Donna, I think we were
about to make a huge mistake.
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285. Yeah, I know what you mean.
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286. I had a bad feeling, too.
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287. But here's the difference,
I stayed!
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288. Look, Donna, please.
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289. Please forgive me.
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290. I don't know.
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291. I mean,
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292. my mom said I should,
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293. but I don't know.
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294. Listen to me, I am so sorry.
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295. Okay, whatever you want to do,
we'll do, okay?
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296. Just tell me what to do.
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297. We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Just get in.
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298. Really?
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299. Thanks for coming back.
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300. I just want to say,
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301. that was beautiful.
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302. What the...
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303. Glad you're back.
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304. Here's a bill for the wedding
you didn't show up for.
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305. $6,000?
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306. Mmm-hmm. I added on a grand
for pain and suffering.
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307. Thanks, Daddy.
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308. Buy yourself
something nice with it.
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309. I suggest a new boyfriend.
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310. http://hiqve.com/
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