1. Uh-huh.
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2. Red. Red!
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3. Cousin Alice wants to know
why Eric and Donna's wedding is off.
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4. Well, just tell her what your son did.
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5. Oh, now he's my son, just like when
he told us he wanted to be a jazz dancer.
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6. Well, he's our son, Red.
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7. No son of mine would humiliate his family
by running off on his fianc�e.
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8. Alice?
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9. The wedding is off
because Eric is... gay.
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10. You're right..
Everybody knew except him.
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11. Eric is a mental midget.
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12. And you know what else?
He runs like a girl.
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13. Bob, you run like a girl.
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14. Only when I'm scared of something.
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15. Oh, honey, I'm sure Eric has
a good explanation.
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16. On the several occasions, I didn't
show up for one of my weddings,
I always called to say I had appendicitis.
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17. Well, Eric's not here. My little girl's
unhappy, and I wanna punch somebody.
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18. Bob, you don't want to fight.
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19. I've known you for a long time, and I know
what you really want is a piece of cake.
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20. A piece of cake, Kitty?
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21. My daughter is devastated, and you offer me cake?
You just tell me one thing.. is it chocolate?
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22. Devil's food. I can have it on the table
in less than a minute.
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23. Eh. Let's do that, then.
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24. Okay, um, guys, Donna's on her way over,
and she knows we all know why Eric left,
and she wants some answers.
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25. Well, I'm not gonna tell her.
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26. Give Donna bad news, and she hits.
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27. She wasn't on the boys' J.V. Wrestling
team for nothing.
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28. Okay, well, I can't do it.
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29. The last person a girl wants to hear bad
news from is a woman who has it all.
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30. Well, you can count me out. I won't face
a girl when I ditch her. I'm not
gonna do it when somebody else does.
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31. Well, I'm not telling her, either.
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32. I don't want my personal
parts damaged.
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33. I mean, they're practically brand-new.
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34. Well, in a dead lock such as this,
we're forced to turn to our judicial code,
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35. which clearly states, that in the event
of bad news being delivered in reference
to a cancelled wedding,
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36. the foreigner does it.
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37. Ah, yes— the immigration
conversation act.
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38. Where the hell is Eric,
and why did he do this to me?
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39. Um, okay, um...
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40. Eric was afraid getting married
and staying here was a mistake...
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41. you know, because you would be giving up your
dream of traveling the world and becoming a
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42. ball-breaking feminist.
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43. - Jackie, don't push!
- You don't push! - Hey, hey. Hey!
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44. Knock it off before Fez gets hurt.
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45. Look, I just want to say that we're
all really sorry.
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46. How could Eric ditch me the night before
our wedding without saying one word?
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47. Look, would it make you feel better
if I told you that Eric left a note?
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48. - He left a note?
- No.
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49. But you should hold on to that feeling.
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50. Eric.
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51. what a dink, right?
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52. You know, I had to call everybody
and tell them the wedding's off.
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53. The only good thing is, there's a rumor
going around that he's gay,
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54. which is nice.
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55. Look, man, I mean,
I know you're mad, but
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56. you know, Forman was trying to
do the right thing.
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57. He just did it in the wrong way.
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58. Yeah, but, Hyde,
I don't care why he did it.
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59. I mean, I can't ever forgive him.
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60. When I called my mom,
I just cried and cried.
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61. Really? I can't see you crying.
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62. I've seen Forman crying.
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63. He does a lot of...
"shut up! I'm not crying!"
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64. - I want to be mad. Don't make me laugh.
- Oh! Whoa!
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65. Oh, my god! Hyde, are you okay?
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66. I'm too old for this crap!
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67. Why am I stronger than all the guys
I hang out with?
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68. You look dorky.
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69. Hyde,
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70. I am so sorry.
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71. I don't know my own strength.
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72. I mean, I guess I'm still all bulked up
from J.V. Wrestling.
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73. You know what?
This isn't my fault.
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74. This is Eric's fault for taking off.
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75. Hey, look at the bright side. Now I can spy
on you from Eric's empty bedroom...
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76. instead of climbing up a tree where
there's no place to put my juice box.
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77. Man, I can't believe I missed you falling
out of the water tower.
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78. So I'm at home,
and I'm watching "scooby-doo,"
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79. and I think to myself, "you know what? You
should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna."
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80. And then I think, "no, because maybe scooby
and shaggy found a real ghost this time."
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81. But it wasn't.
It was just another crazy old guy.
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82. Oh, Steven, I heard what happened.
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83. - And you brought me flowers?
- No, these are for me.
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84. My boyfriend fell off
the water tower.
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85. So what, Donna, you're alone,
and you want me to be alone, too?
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86. Okay, Steven, get on home.
I'll take care of you later.
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87. Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
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88. I don't need that baby crap.
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89. Oh, look at all this
glorious wedding food.
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90. Do you, Fez, take this pizza roll?
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91. I do.
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92. You know what part of falling off
the water tower I like?
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93. The part right after you fall until
the part where you hit the ground.
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94. Yeah. And then that part right after you crash
where you're just kind of vibrating there?
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95. Oh, yeah!
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96. That was cool, too.
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97. Yeah, and the second time you fall, it'll be
even better, 'cause you know what to expect.
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98. You know, so you can enjoy it,
like, do a flip or something.
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99. Oh, a flip would be awesome!
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100. Man, I'm so glad you
fell off the water tower.
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101. Look at this. Eric's gone, and I'm left
with the flying stupid-ass-insky brothers.
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102. - Mom?
- MIDGE!
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103. Oh, you sounded so sad on the phone,
I just had to come.
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104. We missed you so much.
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105. All right. All right.
Donna, quit hogging your mom!
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106. I know something very interesting
about someone we know very well.
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107. No, no. None of your
supermarket gossip.
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108. If half of what you say is true,
everybody in this town would have V.D.
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109. Well,
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110. I was going over Steven's file when he was
at the hospital, and you know his father?
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111. I believe I had the pleasure of him
writing me a hot check.
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112. Of course, in his defense, he was drunk.
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113. Well,
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114. Well, according to Steven's birth
certificate, that's not his father.
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115. This is so exciting!
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116. Steven has a different father
that he doesn't know about—
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117. maybe a nice father.
Maybe a sober father.
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118. Well,
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119. we don't want him to be entirely sober.
You know how those people are.
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120. Mom, I can't tell you how much
it means to me that you're here.
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121. Well, there are times when a mother
has to be there for her baby,
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122. like now and, I guess, when she's born.
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123. You know, Mrs. Pinciotti, in my younger days,
I had quite the crush on you
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124. even though I knew nothing
could ever happen.
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125. But now that I'm older,
and I'm gonna be a father soon,
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126. if anything does happen,
we gotta keep it quiet.
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127. Steven, you're late. Where.. Midge!
Hey.. what a surprise.
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128. Huh. I should probably return these
earrings I didn't know were yours.
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129. Midge, what are you doing here?
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130. I came to see Donna.
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131. Who's the amazon?
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132. Oh, this is my, uh, friend.
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133. "Friend"? I don't think so.
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134. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing that ever
happened to him.
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135. I'm Midge, the second best thing
that ever happened to him.
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136. Dad, I invited her to stay with us.
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137. Your mom is staying with us?
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138. No, your mom is staying with us.
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139. - What about my mom?
- Well, that's not my mom, that's your mom.
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140. I'm confused. Who am I sleeping with?
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141. Steven,
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142. we need to talk to you about
something pretty important.
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143. Look, whatever you found
in my room was planted there.
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144. - No. We..
- what's in your room?
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145. - Red, stay focused.
- Yeah, stay focused.
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146. All right, Steven, just for the record,
I told her to mind her own business,
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147. and then she said,
"fine, you can make your own dinner."
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148. So.. ha ha.. here we are.
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149. No. No, no. No.
Steven,
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150. we found out that the man you think
is your father isn't really your father.
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151. Your real father's name is William Barnett,
and he lives in Milwaukee.
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152. Oh, my god! Steven,
this is so exciting!
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153. You have a whole new family,
which is great, because I hate your family!
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154. Steven,
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155. I know you have a lot of feelings
and emotions, and
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156. maybe you want to cry.
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157. We won't tell if you cry.
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158. I'll tell.
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159. Yeah, I don't like guys that cry.
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160. Will you two please?
Steven, are you okay?
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161. Well, I..
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162. don't really know the guy
who's supposed to be my dad,
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163. and obviously,
I don't know this new guy,
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164. - ..so I don't really care.
- Oh, but, Steven, you have to care!
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165. What if your new dad is something amazing like
a doctor... or the guy who owns "the love boat"?
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166. That didn't go well.
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167. What did you want to happen?
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168. Well, I thoughthe would be happy to hear about his dad.
We all go to Milwaukee, and then his
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169. his rich, new father would be so thrilled
to see him, he'd buy me a fur coat.
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170. Bob, could you pass the syrup?
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171. You're gonna give her the syrup?
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172. The syrup we share every morning?
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173. The syrup that stands for everything
that we are as a man and a woman?
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174. I was gonna...
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175. but I won't.
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176. I will later.
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177. No, I won't.
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178. How's it going?
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179. Your father's an ass.
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180. Oh, something we agree on.
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181. It's not going that well.
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182. Okay,
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183. I find this whole thing
very disturbing.
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184. I was left at the altar,
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185. and all I can think about is
what's my dad doing,
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186. who's he doing it with
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187. and if I walk through that door,
am I gonna see it?
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188. Well,
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189. whatever he's doing,
he's doing with me,
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190. and we're doing it everywhere,
so.. knock.
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191. So after we left, Steven said he didn't want
to talk about his new dad in Milwaukee,
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192. and he didn't. And he wasn't not talking
about it to be bitchy, like I would.
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193. He really didn't want to talk about it.
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194. Well, I don't like the way he just walked out after
we told him the news. Why would he do that?
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195. Because he's a man, Kitty...
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196. and he knows you want him to cry,
but he won't,
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197. because crying is for
babies and Italians.
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198. And I think we all just need to stay
outta his business.
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199. Steven, you're all dressed up.
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200. are you gonna propose?
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201. No. I, uh...
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202. I thought I'd head out to Milwaukee.
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203. By yourself?
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204. Yeah, I guess.
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205. So I'll see you guys later, then.
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206. Well, uh...
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207. we were just, uh,
talking about going to Milwaukee..
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208. for their famous...
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209. honey buns.
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210. Well, you guys could
come along, I guess.
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211. Well, I'm.. I'm sure in the mood for a..
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212. honey bun.
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213. And to see baby go home to his daddy!
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214. So midge wanted you to pass the syrup...
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215. and Pam wouldn't let you.
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216. That's interesting.
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217. What do you think it means?
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218. I think it means you got a shot at something
only rock stars and professional athletes get.
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219. Free passes to Disneyland?
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220. No, Fez,
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221. two ladies at the same time.
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222. Ah, screw Disneyland.
That's a much better ride.
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223. Think I could really keep both of them?
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224. May I say from experience, when you're dealing
with two ladies, the end won't be pretty,
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225. but the ride down is super fun.
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226. I don't know what to do, mom.
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227. I mean, I always thought Eric and
I would be together, and
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228. he blew it.
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229. - Maybe you'll work it out.
- Well, I don't want to work it out.
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230. I want to push his face in the dirt
like we did when we were kids.
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231. You know what? I never should
have stopped doing that.
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232. Donna, just forgive him.
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233. How? Give me one good reason.
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234. Oh, honey, I can't give you a rational
reason. There probably isn't one.
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235. But if you love him, and you don't want to be
without him, you have to forgive him.
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236. I was too hard headed to forgive
your father, and I wish I had.
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237. Aw, Midge.
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238. - You want to take a walk?
- Sure! I'll drive.
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239. Did you see that? Maybe someone
will have a happy ending.
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240. And then another beginning and another
ending, because he's got two ladies!
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241. Bob Pinciotti, a street kid outta nowhere,
gets a shot at the title.
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242. You know what? He's like..
He's like the rocky of bagging two ladies.
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243. It's a big day, meeting your father
for the first time.
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244. - Mmm.
- You bet.
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245. A big day for my big guy, huh?
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246. - Mm-hmm.
- So
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247. how you doing?
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248. I'm fine.
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249. Oh, you doing all right, baby?
Just quit! Stop! Stop!
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250. Keep it down.
This isn't your parole office.
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251. Mr. Barnett will see you now.
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252. Okay. Okay. This is it.
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253. Jackie, here's the camera. Take a picture
of Steven the minute he sees his father.
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254. If he cries, and you miss it,
I will hurt you.
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255. Um, where's Steven?
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256. He left.
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257. Yeah. I saw him go, and I didn't say
anything on purpose.
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258. All right, let's go.. Come on.
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259. - Kitty!
- I came all this way. I want my fur coat.
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260. - Who's there? Who's there?
- Ow! Ow! Jeez, Donna, stop!
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261. Oh, god. I didn't know it was you.
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262. - You dirtbag! How could you do that?
You just left me there!
- I'm sorry.
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263. I'm sorry. I freaked out, okay?
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264. I tried to talk to you about it, but
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265. I couldn't, and I..
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266. I didn't know what to do.
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267. All I knew was that I...
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268. Donna, I think we were about
to make a huge mistake.
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269. Yeah, I know what you mean.
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270. I had a bad feeling, too.
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271. But here's the difference.. I stayed.
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272. Look, Donna, please...
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273. please forgive me.
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274. I don't know.
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275. I mean,
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276. my mom said I should, but...
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277. I don't know.
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278. Listen to me. I am so sorry. Okay, whatever
you want to do, we'll do, okay? Just.. just
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279. tell me what to do.
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280. We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Just get in.
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281. Really?
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282. Won't you let me walk
you home from school...
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283. Thanks for coming back.
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284. Won't you let me meet you at the pool?
If it's so well, let me know...
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285. I just want to say...
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286. let me know, well,
I can go and I'll take you
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287. That was beautiful.
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288. And I'll take you
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289. Ooh-ooh,
Ooh-ooh,
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290. What the...
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291. Glad you're back. Here's a bill for
the wedding you didn't show up for.
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292. $6,000?
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293. Mm-hmm. I added on a grand
for pain and suffering.
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294. Thanks, daddy.
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295. Buy yourself something nice with it.
I suggest a new boyfriend.
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296. Okay.
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