1. Guys, I have to tell you
about this dream I had.
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2. No. Eric, I can't hear another
one of your lame dreams.
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3. "Guys, I dreamt I was purple
and I could fly
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4. "and Luke Skywalker
was my lab partner."
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5. No. It was about Donna.
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6. Okay, it was five
years in the future.
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7. Five years in the future?
Hey, did you see Jackie?
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8. How's she holding up?
Do I need to get out now?
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9. Hyde, in my dream, Donna gave
up her life plans to be with me.
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10. And she was so miserable,
she left me.
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11. That's it?
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12. I took my feet off the table and
turned slightly to the left for that?
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13. Look, you guys, what if I
really am holding Donna back
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14. and she just
doesn't realize it yet?
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15. I feel like I could be ruining
both of our lives.
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16. Eric, just relax, okay?
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17. It's just a stress dream, 'cause
you're getting married tomorrow.
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18. Now I had a dream last night
that's worth telling.
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19. Okay, Donna was in
a wet T-shirt contest...
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20. No, I can't.
Forget it. It's too dirty.
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21. So who's gonna be your best man?
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22. Oh, you know what?
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23. Why don't you guys just decide
who my best man is?
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24. Whoa, you want us to choose?
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25. Well, if that's not an invitation
to dress a dog up in a tuxedo,
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26. I don't know what is.
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27. All right. If anyone should
be the best man, it's me.
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28. I'm gonna be a father,
so I really need the money.
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29. You don't get paid
to be the best man.
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30. You do it for the satisfaction of
nailing the hottest bridesmaid.
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31. It's in the Bible.
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32. Well, I can't do that,
'cause I'm bringing Brooke.
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33. Yeah,
we're getting pretty serious.
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34. Girls, man. You get them
pregnant, they get all clingy.
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35. Hey! On Earth, green means go!
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36. Gosh, I didn't know they let
brain-dead morons drive cars.
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37. And I didn't know
they let brain-dead morons
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38. into the police academy.
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39. Oh, they do!
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40. Brooke.
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41. Hi, Michael.
This is my mother.
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42. Yeah, we met.
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43. It didn't go very well.
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44. Hello, Wisconsin!
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45. Here she is.
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46. Welcome, or as I like to say,
Happy Trailers to you.
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47. A trailer. Well,
son, you finally made it.
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48. Well, and just look
at all the nature.
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49. I mean, right in your front yard,
you have a beautiful apple core.
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50. Donna, don't take offense, but a
trailer? I think you could do better.
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51. Oh, that's funny. I was just
thinking, so could my dad.
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52. Hey, watch it, Donna.
She's wrong, Pammy.
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53. I can't do better than you. I've
tried and failed on several occasions.
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54. Oh, Bobby.
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55. Oh, I think I hear a chicken.
I'll be in the car.
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56. I'll go with you.
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57. We're in the honeymoon stage
where she doesn't mind if I get handsy.
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58. Well,
I think this place is great.
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59. You can... You can just... You
can drive your car right up to it
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60. and then, then you
have a walk-in closet.
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61. And look at our teeny,
tiny bathroom.
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62. Eric, can I talk to you
privately in the living room...
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63. The dining...
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64. The left front quadrant?
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65. Son, living here
is a real bad idea.
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66. There's no privacy.
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67. Where will you hide
if Donna has a chore for you?
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68. You'll have to dive
under the trailer.
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69. Honey, would you help me
unload some groceries from the car?
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70. See what I mean?
I'm cornered, like an animal.
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71. Coming, honey.
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72. Your life is gonna
be a living hell.
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73. So, home, sweet home.
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74. Yeah.
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75. Hey, Donna... Hey.
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76. Don't take this
the wrong way, but...
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77. Is this really what we want?
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78. What? Of course it is. Why?
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79. I don't know. I just... You
know, it's such a big step.
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80. And I just really want to make sure
this is what we want, what you want.
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81. Eric, the life I want
is with you. I love you.
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82. - Yeah, I know, but...
- Wait a minute.
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83. This isn't about this place.
This is about me.
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84. - No.
- Are you having
doubts about me?
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85. Because if you are, tell
me now. Don't wait, like,
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86. ten years from now when
we're both too fat to get dates.
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87. No, no, no, forget it. I'm happy.
I'm happy, happy, happy, happy.
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88. Okay, now you're saying
"happy" way too much.
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89. Because I'm very happy. If I
were less happy, I'd say it less.
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90. I think that's how
language works, Donna.
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91. Okay. I'm gonna go
pump out the toilet.
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92. So, Forman nixed
our best man idea.
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93. Apparently you wearing
a giant trench coat
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94. and standing on my
shoulders isn't classy.
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95. Not classy? Did you tell him I'll be
wearing a plastic flower that sprays water?
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96. So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors,
see who the best man is, all right?
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97. No, no, no, no. I hate
that game. I always lose.
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98. 'Cause you always pick rock.
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99. That's because
nothing beats rock.
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100. Paper beats rock.
Those are the rules.
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101. Not buying it.
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102. Fine. We'll play a new game.
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103. How about
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104. cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb?
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105. Foot squashes cockroach.
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106. Nuclear bomb... Pow!
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107. blows up foot.
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108. And cockroach
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109. survives nuclear bomb.
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110. Oh, that's great.
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111. I'll be nuclear bomb.
Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
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112. I just told you,
cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
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113. Oh, we'll see about that.
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114. Laurie, it's bad luck for the groom
to see the bride in a wedding dress.
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115. Make sure Eric doesn't come in.
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116. What, you want
Laurie to guard the door?
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117. She's never kept a man out
of anywhere in her entire life.
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118. That is not true.
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119. Jackie, watch the door.
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120. So, Donna, rehearsal dinner tonight,
wedding tomorrow, you excited?
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121. Actually, I'm a little nervous.
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122. Oh, that's just cold feet.
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123. Yeah, but here's the thing.
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124. Whenever anyone's nervous
about marriage,
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125. everyone says
it's just cold feet.
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126. But half of all
marriages end in divorce.
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127. So half of those people getting
married should have cold feet.
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128. But by the time they realize
their feet were right, it's too late.
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129. Too late!
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130. How do I know what to do?
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131. There is no answer!
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132. I can't breathe.
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133. How you feel is totally normal.
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134. A lot of the guys that I'm dating
were nervous before their weddings,
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135. but now they're
all happily married.
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136. You do make a mother proud.
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137. Ready? One, two, three.
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138. Cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
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139. That is 38 wins in a row.
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140. I think it's safe to say
that I'm the best man.
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141. No, wait a minute. Wait a
minute. I just noticed something.
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142. Cockroach always wins.
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143. One more time,
for all the marbles.
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144. Fine. One, two, three.
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145. Foot, I forgot about foot.
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146. So foot always wins.
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147. One more time.
Winner, best man, period.
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148. One, two, three.
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149. Bomb! Nuclear bomb beats foot.
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150. It's like everything in this
game loses to something else!
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151. Yes, it's exactly like that.
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152. Wait, except...
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153. Aha!
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154. I was so blind.
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155. Nuclear bomb beats everything.
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156. One more time, winner take all.
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157. One, two, three.
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158. I'm going home.
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159. Boy, wish I had a dollar
for every awkward lunch
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160. I've had with my mom and a
strange guy that knocked me up.
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161. Come on, guys, we have to get past
this. The baby's coming in a month.
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162. Oh, and Michael's willing
to wait that long?
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163. I'm surprised he doesn't just honk his
horn and try to scare it out in a week.
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164. Hey, if I wanted to scare
a baby, I wouldn't honk.
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165. I'd wear a mask and
make ghost sounds.
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166. You were still rude.
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167. I think it's common courtesy
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168. to wait 30 seconds at a
green light before honking.
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169. Pass the rolls, please.
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170. Pass the rolls, please.
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171. I will, but I feel
it's common courtesy
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172. to wait 30 seconds
before passing the rolls.
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173. Hey, I just remembered
there's another room here.
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174. So, Michael,
I haven't told Brooke yet,
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175. but I'm here to take her home to
Chicago to have the baby and live with me.
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176. What?
No, but I'm not in Chicago.
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177. That's its major attraction.
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178. Oh, yeah?
Well, what about the lake?
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179. Jackie, do you think Eric
and I are making a mistake?
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180. You are.
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181. But Eric's just praying this whole
thing goes through before you notice.
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182. No, I'm serious.
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183. Up until now, everything in our
relationship has been really great.
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184. Our first date, our first kiss.
You know, even getting engaged.
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185. But now, in the pit of my
stomach, I feel really sick.
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186. Look, come on, Donna, you
and Eric are meant to be together.
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187. You're like a fat girl and a
cat. It just works, you know?
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188. Oh, come on.
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189. All right, look,
I'm gonna go pick up my dress.
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190. And I'm gonna try not to look
prettier than you, but I can't promise!
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191. Oh, God, I can't do this.
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192. Okay, let's get a picture
of the wedding party.
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193. Oh, Mom, would you fix
your top? This isn't Playboy.
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194. She's fine.
Don't fuss with her.
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195. Kitty, correct me if I'm wrong,
but at a wedding rehearsal,
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196. isn't it tradition for the bride and
groom to, well, you know, show up?
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197. Red, they will show up.
Everything is just fine.
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198. Eric better have a good reason
for being late.
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199. There's only two acceptable excuses
for tardiness in a Pinciotti household.
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200. One, traffic was terrible.
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201. Two, I should have left earlier,
but I was doing something.
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202. Well, Donna's not here, either. Oh,
maybe her new house ran out of gas.
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203. Sorry I'm late.
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204. Oh, good! They're here.
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205. I told you everything would be
fine. Eric and Donna are here.
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206. What? No, Eric's not with me.
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207. He's not here?
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208. Oh, maybe he's stuck in traffic.
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209. What traffic?
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210. 90% of this town's population
is in this room.
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211. All right, look, you can't
take Brooke to Chicago.
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212. We're gonna raise
our baby together here, okay?
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213. We had it all figured out.
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214. Oh, really?
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215. So,
where were you going to live?
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216. Are you planning to get married?
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217. And who's gonna stay home
with the baby?
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218. No...
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219. We figured out other stuff.
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220. Like she's gonna be the one
that does the breast-feeding.
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221. And then, if someone
needs to go bowling, I'll do it.
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222. Now, I appreciate your concern, but
I'm gonna do what's best for my kid.
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223. Well, then think, Michael.
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224. You're going away to the police
academy for the next six months.
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225. You don't have the time to
help Brooke raise a baby. I do.
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226. And I have a house and a
backyard and an extra bedroom.
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227. And I love Brooke more
than anything in the world.
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228. How can that not be
what's best for her?
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229. So,
how's the big argument going?
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230. All right, Brooke...
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231. Your mom and I thought that
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232. maybe since I'm gonna be
at police academy
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233. that you might wanna
have the baby in Chicago.
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234. You know, just so you
have your mom there.
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235. Just for now.
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236. Oh, my God, Michael.
Thank you so much.
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237. I'll come visit
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238. and it'll be great.
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239. What do you know?
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240. You're a gentleman.
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241. And your daughter's a lady.
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242. Well, except for the bathroom
sex that resulted in our child.
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243. Kitty,
Eric is over two hours late.
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244. Let's go home.
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245. He's not late, Mr. Forman.
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246. He didn't show up because
he doesn't want to marry me.
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247. Hey, you don't know that.
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248. Maybe he's just
playing hard to get.
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249. I'm gonna make him pay for this.
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250. I'm not strong, but I know a lot of
ways to destroy men emotionally.
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251. - I can vouch for that.
- Yeah.
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252. Okay, okay. Let's just...
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253. Let's turn those frowns
upside down. I know!
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254. We'll all go back to my house and
enjoy the Mexican fiesta I prepared.
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255. I probably won't serve
the tiny wedding cakes,
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256. since nobody's getting married.
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257. But there are three
kinds of burritos.
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258. Donna, in troubled times like
this, I have a friend I like to turn to.
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259. Gooseberry Gloss lipstick.
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260. Nobody can feel sad
with full, juicy, red lips.
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261. Okay, no offense, but I don't
think your lipstick is gonna help me,
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262. because I am not
a superficial jerk!
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263. Better.
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264. How could Eric do this to me?
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265. I mean, what kind
of a horrible person
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266. skips out on someone
they've known their whole life?
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267. I mean, someone
they're supposed to love?
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268. Uh-huh. Um...
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269. Donna, why is your suitcase
in the backseat?
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270. Oh, I was just... I don't know. I
thought... Hey, I showed up, okay!
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271. What the hell are we gonna do with
all these bride and groom cookies?
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272. Give me the groom.
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273. Well? Did you find Eric?
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274. No, and the Cruiser's gone.
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275. I also noticed that
he took his retainer.
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276. So it's probably
gonna be an overnighter.
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277. I couldn't find him, either.
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278. I followed a trail of candy wrappers
and it just circled back around to me.
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279. Donna, I know how
difficult this is for you.
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280. Now I've been with a lot of men
in my life. Rich men, poor men.
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281. Well, not poor.
Upper middle class.
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282. My point is,
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283. none of them ever loved me
the way I know Eric loves you.
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284. Well, thanks, Pamela, but if Eric
loved me, he'd be here right now.
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285. Oh, hey, Kitty.
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286. Listen, I think I'm just gonna
take Donna home and call it a night.
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287. Oh, don't you dare.
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288. We need to act like
everything is normal.
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289. Keep the party going.
Keep Donna happy.
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290. Didn't you have
a speech to give?
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291. Kitty, I don't think
it's still appropriate...
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292. Okay, Bob's got a speech.
Everybody, listen to Bob's speech.
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293. Speech! Speech!
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294. I guess I could change a
few things as I go along.
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295. "To the lovely bride
and the handsome... bride.
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296. "I know the... one of you will
make... yourself very happy.
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297. "Your life will surely be enriched
by all the time you spend with...
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298. "alone.
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299. "You are truly one soul
becoming one joined...
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300. "alone forever.
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301. "So I don't look at this
as the day I lose a daughter.
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302. "I look at this as
the day I gain...
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303. "nobody."
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304. Salute.
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305. Hello.
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306. Yeah, we kinda figured.
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307. Uh-huh.
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308. Well, do you wanna talk to
her? She's sitting right here.
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309. Okay.
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310. Wrong number.
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311. Hyde, what did he say?
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312. - He said he's really sorry.
- He's sorry?
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313. He left me the day before our
wedding, and he's sorry? What...
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314. What does that mean?
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315. It means he's not coming.
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316. Not tonight, not to the
wedding. He's gone.
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317. Man, I am glad to be here.
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318. I have had a rough day.
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319. Being around all this love and
happiness oughta cheer me right up.
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320. I mean, this is a happy day.
Look at all the love.
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321. Wait, hey, where's Eric?
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322. I can't believe Forman took
off, man. That's not like him at all.
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323. Usually he ruins
things by staying.
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324. So, Steven, you know, since
the church is booked already,
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325. - you that think maybe we...
- No!
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326. Oh, come on!
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327. Look, Eric jilts Donna and all you
guys can talk about is yourselves?
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328. Well, there are
bigger issues here, people.
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329. Donna is single. Whoo-hoo!
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330. Wait a minute. I get it now.
Cockroach beats everything.
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331. Let's play, and I warn you,
I'm going to be cockroach.
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332. http://hiqve.com/
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