1. You know, before we decided
not to have sex..
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2. you decided.
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3. I'm ready.
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4. Right. I decided.
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5. Movies were just a dark place to fool
around before we went home and did it,
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6. but now
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7. we can really watch the movie.
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8. Isn't that great?
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9. It's fabulous.
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10. I mean, there's nothing
I hate more than the feeling
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11. that I'm about to have sex.
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12. Hi.
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13. Hi!
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14. Hey!
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15. Hi!
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16. Okay.
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17. Isn't that the girl
who sells slurpees?
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18. Why is she saying "hi"
to you?
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19. I don't know. It's weird.
I've never talked to her before.
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20. I mean, maybe one time I said,
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21. "you're out of spoon straws,"
but that's it.
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22. great.
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23. Now I have to sit through "Kramer vs. Kramer"
again with no shot at nookie.
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24. First time we saw it,
I said, "you know,
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25. dads can be good parents, too,"
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26. and Donna's shirt just
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27. floated off.
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28. what is wrong with me?
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29. A boy's gonna lose his mother, and all
I can think about is fooling around.
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30. I am such a dirty girl.
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31. I should be spanked.
Ooh, stop it!
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32. Screw it. Sneak attack
is my only hope.
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33. I'm gonna go with
the yawn and grab.
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34. Watch out for my hand, pretty mama,
'cause I'm not really tired.
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35. Oh, god. It's the yawn and grab.
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36. How do I stop it?
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37. Oops!
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38. Oh, sorry.
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39. Oh, come on.
It's okay.
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40. Great.
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41. Now my lap's covered
in hot buttered popcorn.
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42. That's the most action
I've gotten in weeks.
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43. Oh,
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44. thanks for helping move Pam into my house,
Kitty. You know what they say...
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45. lady number three's a charm.
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46. You have been so warm and friendly.
You simply must teach me how to be like that.
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47. Pam, I'd just like to say
on behalf of Fez and myself,
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48. that it is a privilege and a turn-on
to carry your underthings.
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49. And you don't have to pay me.
I took a few souvenirs.
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50. Well, enjoy.
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51. Oh, Red, I'd help you with the boxes,
but I don't want to tire myself out.
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52. I'm gonna be up all night
welcoming Pam to the house.
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53. Okay, see you later. Have fun.
Close your shades.
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54. What do we do with these boxes?
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55. Let's just stick 'em in there.
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56. Hi, boys.
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57. Mitch, what are you doing here?
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58. Oh, I made a peach cobbler for Donna, and I forgot
to leave it when I was in here last night.
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59. You weren't in here last night.
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60. Well, not as far as you know.
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61. Okay, look, Mitch, I know you're in love
with her, but it's not gonna work out.
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62. You're as big as you're gonna get.
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63. And trust me, okay?
Donna's still growing.
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64. Jackie, we need to talk.
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65. Eric and I came really close to doing it,
and I am so jacked-up on hormones,
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66. I feel like I could jump
the first guy I see.
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67. Then look my way, pretty lady.
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68. Okay, Mitch,
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69. you know I love having you around
'cause you say really nice things about me.
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70. Like how the sun pales in radiance
to the beauty of your smile?
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71. - Yeah, like that.
- Yeah.
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72. But I have to talk to Jackie,
and it's girl stuff.
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73. Oh, you're so strong.
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74. You make me feel like
Jessica Lange in "King Kong."
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75. Hey, Red.
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76. Hi, boys.
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77. I could kill you without
making a sound.
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78. You know, I'm worried we don't have
enough chicken for dinner tonight.
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79. Do these breasts look big enough?
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80. I'm not comfortable
with that question.
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81. - What?
- What?
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82. What?
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83. what are you laughing at?
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84. Just life. It's a hoot.
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85. Well,
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86. I don't know what's in that orange juice,
but I'm gonna pour myself a glass.
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87. - Red, what I want to know is, what did
Pam mean? - Not here... Toyota.
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88. This is the only place that's safe.
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89. Look,
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90. if I was a single man,
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91. what we saw today would be, like,
a reward for a life time of disappointments.
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92. But I'm not.
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93. So it's just another disappointment.
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94. For you, maybe.
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95. I saw 'em.
I don't care who knows it.
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96. You better care,
'cause if Kitty finds out,
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97. I'm taking you down with me.
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98. And when I take people down,
they stay down.
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99. Just ask North Korea.
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100. But I have so many questions.
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101. I mean, I've been flashed before.
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102. But it was always followed
with either, "get out!"
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103. Or "there's a 2-drink minimum,"
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104. but, "hi, boys"?
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105. It has me reeling.
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106. Oh, maybe she was coming on to us.
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107. She wasn't coming onto us.
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108. She was coming onto me.
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109. She heard about my war record.
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110. I'm a hero.
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111. You know why Darth Vader
went to the dark side?
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112. He was dating a redhead
who wouldn't put out.
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113. So you are like Darth Vader
in the sense that you're not getting any.
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114. But you are not like Darth Vader
in the sense that
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115. you are weak and strike fin no one.
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116. Well, this is certainly one way
to spend an afternoon.
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117. I never really got into making models.
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118. Guess I was too busy having sex.
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119. Hey, I don't have sex,
and I still don't build models.
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120. I don't have a single model or a single girl.
My life is an empty hole.
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121. Hey, nice job. You put the force
field generators on backwards.
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122. One photon torpedo,
and you're space toast.
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123. Okay, Eric, that's it.
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124. I think we should have sex.
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125. - Yes!
- No!
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126. Okay, I'm going crazy
not being with you.
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127. You may not be a strong man,
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128. but you read my body like braille.
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129. Burn!
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130. Wait. W-what's "braille"?
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131. you two were awfully quiet at dinner tonight.
Is there anything I should know about?
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132. - No.
- No.
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133. - I'll get it.
- Me too.
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134. Hi, boys.
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135. oh, Kitty,
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136. every time I come to this house I'm amazed
by how much you've done with so little.
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137. Here. We brought Kahl�a.
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138. Well, aren't you just an angel sent
from after-dinner drink heaven?
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139. She wanted to get you cookies,
but I know how much you like the sauce.
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140. - Red...
- Toyota!
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141. Did you see that look
she just gave us?
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142. Was that,
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143. "please don't tell anyone
you saw my boobs"?
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144. Or, "please come over and
see my boobs again"?
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145. Do you have to keep
saying that word?
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146. Let's just call them...
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147. "them."
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148. This is the last time we ever talk about it.
From here on out, it never happened.
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149. - But, Red—
- Steven,
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150. I have been to war.
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151. I have seen a lot of
things in my life.
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152. And there only three things that I was gonna
keep secret until the day I die.
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153. This is number four.
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154. And five.
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155. Okay, the tractor beam
is operational.
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156. Don't get too close.
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157. You really gonna shine
your love light on that?
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158. Well, he's a different person between
the sheets. What can I say?
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159. Hey, guys. Hey, listen,
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160. tomorrow I have this police test
on interrogation techniques.
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161. I was wondering if I could practice
on somebody. Jackie, how about you?
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162. Oh, well, no. This is your first time. You're gonna
need somebody much more spineless than me.
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163. Try Eric.
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164. Yeah, that's good thinking.
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165. All right, Mr. Forman,
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166. if that is indeed your real name...
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167. what did you do on the
day of yesterday?
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168. You'll never get it out of me,
copper. I'm no rat!
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169. Kelso, what the hell?
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170. Oh, just relax, Eric.
I'm just doing good cop/bad cop.
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171. That was the bad cop,
but he's gone now.
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172. See, now good cop is here
to take care of you.
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173. Hey, how you doin', buddy?
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174. It's a real shame about what happened
to your model.
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175. Why don't you tell me
what you did yesterday?
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176. I came home from the restaurant
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177. and spent six hours
building that model!
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178. Uh, excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt,
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179. but what about your encounter at the store
with the girl who sells slurpees?
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180. What?
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181. Yeah, you remember. She asked why you
never call her anymore. You were like...
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182. ooh.
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183. Wait. Is that the girl
from the movies?
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184. Donna, I'm asking
the questions here.
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185. Was that the girl
from the movies?
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186. What happened to,
"I barely know her"?
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187. What happened to,
"I barely know her"?
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188. Why were you calling her, Eric?
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189. - Why were you calling her, Eric?
- Kelso, will you shut up?
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190. Oh, yeah, it's getting
hot in here, isn't it?
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191. Look, Donna...
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192. maybe I kinda know her.
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193. Maybe we kinda went out a
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194. couple times when you were
dating Kelso's brother
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195. Wait. You got other girls besides
Donna to go out with you?
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196. What is this obsession
with the underdog?
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197. So...
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198. the other day at the movies
you lied to me?
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199. Donna,
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200. I am the senior officer here.
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201. So the other day at the
movies you lied to me.
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202. No, I...
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203. you know, I mean,
it was the movies, you know?
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204. It's all make-believe.
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205. Okay, you know what?
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206. Don't bother coming over tonight.
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207. My sexual tension has been replaced
with another familiar emotion—
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208. anger at your scrawny ass!
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209. - No!
- Yes!
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210. Well, good job, Michael.
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211. You solved one crime
and prevented an even bigger one...
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212. Donna having sex with Eric.
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213. You have the right to remain...
burn!
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214. I'm just glad I could help
the truth be told.
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215. Yeah, at least someone's
being honest around here.
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216. Mitch,
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217. what the hell?
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218. What. I thought you came off
looking great. Oh, wait.
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219. That was me.
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220. everyone, I want to thank you
for making me so welcome.
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221. I feel like the only guest
at an inexpensive backwoods hotel.
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222. Steven, you're so tense.
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223. Of course he's tense, mom.
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224. You're the one who taught me that if your man's
not tense when you walking to the room,
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225. that means you're doing
something wrong.
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226. Yeah, that's right.
I'm tense because of you,
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227. 'cause you're..
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228. too pretty.
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229. Oh, Red,
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230. I was gonna get you a thank you gift for
helping with the move, but then I figured,
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231. nah.
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232. So thanks.
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233. Don't mention it, Bob.
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234. Don't mention anything about
that day ever again.
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235. Why? It was a pretty good day.
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236. Nothing got broken.
Nobody got hurt.
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237. You two even got to see Pam topless.
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238. Yeah, first time I saw 'em,
I was speechless, too.
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239. Alright.
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240. I admit that we saw Pam's
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241. them.
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242. But it's not like we planned it.
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243. Although our timing couldn't
have been better.
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244. Oh, I think you mean
"worse," Steven.
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245. No, I'm pretty sure
I meant "better."
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246. Red, how could you?
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247. Kitty, we just opened the door,
and there she was
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248. what was I supposed to do,
rip the eyes out of my head?
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249. Don't feel bad, you guys.
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250. This isn't the first time my
body has caused a fight.
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251. One time I caused a riot
on a topless beach in Venezuela.
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252. Imagine what you saw,
only all tanned and oiled.
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253. Oh.
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254. She told me to.
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255. Well hate to let the cat out of the bag
and then leave, but
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256. looks like that's exactly
what we're gonna do.
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257. Enjoy your fight
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258. I can't believe you saw my mother topless
and didn't tell me about it right away.
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259. What, so every time I see another woman's
breasts I'm supposed to tell you?
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260. Now I know.
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261. I am so mad.
I can't even stand to look at you.
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262. And yet you do.
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263. Because your eyes work.
You see my problem?
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264. All right. All right. We're going.
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265. I can't believe Eric lied
to me about that girl.
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266. I mean, we're getting married.
I should know everything about him.
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267. If I have to know that he wore
a bathing suit in the tub until he was 12...
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268. yeah, tell everybody.
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269. I should know who he dated.
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270. That's right. Just get it off
your chest, Donna.
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271. all the rage and the anger
and the clothing.
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272. Hey, Hey, Hey
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273. there's only room for one
creepy pervert in this group,
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274. and that's me.
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275. Around here, I'm the one who
drools over all the ladies.
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276. Well, I don't drool over
all the ladies,
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277. just Donna.
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278. A specialist, ha?
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279. Ok we'll try it your way.
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280. Oh my god. You don't think
Eric and that girl..
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281. Made sweet emotional love?
Yes, I do.
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282. Bought many a slurpee from her. And from
what I can tell, she'll do it with anyone
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283. Did she do it with you?
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284. No, she has way too much
self-respect for that.
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285. I am gonna march right
in that room and
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286. tell my mother there are consequences
on her topless actions.
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287. And that she needs to start wearing
pantyhose. This isn't Las Vegas.
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288. Oopsy Doosy
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289. So then she goes, "Hi, Boys"
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290. I mean, that has to be
a "come on", right?
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291. saw this dirty movie once
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292. where the plumbers knock on the door
and the lady answers, and says "hi, boys"
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293. after that, it was all
asses and elbows.
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294. Okay, look, I'm sorry, Hyde.
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295. There's a lot of guys that Pam
would choose before you and Red
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296. All right, it goes "me"
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297. then Bob
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298. Fez,
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299. then you...
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300. Red, then me again
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301. Then Donna, then Eric.
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302. Okay, Eric, there's something
I need to know.
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303. Did you or did you not do
it with the slurpee slut?
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304. What?
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305. He answered a question with a question.
That means he's guilty.
Now let's ditch him and carry me out of here.
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306. Donna,
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307. I did not sleep with her.
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308. Well, you lied to met about her before,
so why should I believe you now?
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309. You don't believe me?
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310. Fine.
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311. Let me show you what I was doing
while you were with Casey.
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312. You're gonna hide in your
bedroom and cry?
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313. Or you gonna try to
write a song again?
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314. Hey guys, what rimes with "pain"?
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315. I loved that song
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316. Everyday is like rain
when you're in pain.
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317. Ok, Donna
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318. This is is a box full of model that
I made while you were with Casey Kelso.
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319. Look at this : Tie Fighters, assault
vehicules and troop transports
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320. all with minor defects in workmanship.
Ye he made these, all right.
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321. So this is what you did
when we were apart?
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322. Oh my horny nerd boy
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323. Donna, there's a reason
I didn't tell you about her.
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324. She wasn't important.
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325. The whole time we broke up..
you know...
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326. you know I never
stopped loving you.
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327. Eric.
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328. Hyde,
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329. I never stopped loving you, either.
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330. Don't.
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331. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
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332. You guys better be kidding,
or I'm gonna be super pissed.
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333. So
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334. can I suggest that
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335. we honor the age-old tradition of making up
after a fight, not just spiritually,
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336. but physically?
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337. How about a brand-spanking-new tradition
where I buy you a milkshake and a "playboy"?
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338. Donna, whoa. I'm insulted.
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339. I do not need a milkshake. Let's go.
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340. So they're back together
and everything's fine?
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341. That sucks.
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342. See what happens
when you specialize?
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343. I can go and make any number of
ladies uncomfortable.
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344. What can you do?
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345. what do you think he meant
by, "whoopsy doozy"?
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346. Not here. Toyota!
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347. Oh, I'm so freaked out,
Mrs. Forman.
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348. I'm gonna have to sleep
with the light on.
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349. What are you two
doing out here?
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350. We—we were just...
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351. uh-oh!
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