1. Ooh, yeah.
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2. So yesterday,
I'm at this garage sale,
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3. I look down, and there it was...
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4. the Darth Vader action figure
with the incredibly rare
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5. green... lightsaber.
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6. How have I not
kicked your ass yet?
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7. - Fore!
- Whoa!
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8. - Watch out!
- Parking lot!
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9. oh, it was just a Pinto.
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10. Fez,
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11. this is putt-putt.
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12. Your choices are putt...
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13. or putt.
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14. Hey,
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15. what the hell?
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16. Oh, Forman.
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17. I should have known
it was you guys.
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18. Most people that come here
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19. can't hit the ball that hard on account
of they're in kindergarten.
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20. Mitch,
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21. Congratulations. This seems like the
perfect job for someone your size,
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22. what with the free lodging
and the little castle on hole 6.
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23. Yeah, there's just enough room
in there for me and your mom.
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24. Ooh!
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25. Yeah, the sweetest burns
involve doing it with your mom.
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26. Look, just quit hitting the ball that hard,
or you guys are outta here.
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27. What are you... no.
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28. God, I hate that guy.
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29. Tear him a new hole-in-one.
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30. Wow, Forman, I haven't seen you this pissed since
I chased you around your house with that
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31. spider in a jar.
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32. You were like,
"Hyde, I swear to god!"
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33. Then you never did anything.
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34. Yeah?
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35. I'm about to do something.
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36. No, can't do that.
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37. Mitch, I'm so sorry.
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38. What?
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39. I've lost the ability to process language
on account of I have a concussion!
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40. Here's more bad news...
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41. when you return to the course,
you're gonna find that some punk
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42. drew boobs and a butt crack
on the clown statue.
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43. And don't try to wash it off
'cause I used permanent marker.
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44. Forman, why are we
always fighting?
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45. I can't even remember
how we got this way.
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46. I think a chick said
that to me once.
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47. No,
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48. that was me.
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49. Don't you think
that we should be friends?
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50. Okay, well, you.. you're obviously
having some kind of
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51. reaction to your medications.
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52. We're just gonna go.
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53. Ow! Ow!
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54. Ow!
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55. You know, Mitch,
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56. if you ever want to come hang out
in the basement, you know...
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57. really?
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58. Thanks!
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59. I'd smile, but the left side of my face
is kind of paralyzed.
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60. Forman,
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61. why'd you invite him over?
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62. You were almost out of there,
and you turned back around.
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63. Yeah, Forman, there's only two times
in life that you turn back around...
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64. basketball and runway modeling.
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65. No, and square dancing.
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66. It's called a do-si-do.
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67. Look...
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68. Mitch knows I didn't mean it.
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69. Hey, Eric.
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70. I can't believe you got a hold of the
Darth Vader with the green lightsaber.
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71. What?
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72. No, no, it's..
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73. what a geek.
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74. Wow,
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75. I love this place.
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76. It's not just dinner.
It's a thrill ride,
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77. 'cause there's a small chance
you're gettin' knifed.
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78. I don't know, Bob. I've tried to avoid
Asians with weapons ever since
7,000 of them tried to kill me.
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79. Well...
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80. it's thanks to the work of brave
men like you that
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81. America's enemies are working
here for minimum wage.
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82. Mom, would you please stop
playing with his hair?
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83. You don't know where it's been.
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84. I think a good dinner time policy might be
everybody feeds and grooms themselves.
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85. Oh, oh.
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86. And speaking of grooming,
Pamela,
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87. I noticed that your skirt was torn
all the way up to your thigh.
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88. No, I actually bought it this way. See,
most skirts are only slit up to the knee,
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89. but I think people want to
see more than that.
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90. Hear, hear.
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91. Here... comes the waiter.
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92. I'm glad you're all here to help me
celebrate this very special time
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93. with this very special lady.
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94. Oh, Bob, it means a lot to me
that you realize how special I am.
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95. I do.
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96. That's why I want to ask you
to move in with me.
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97. - Oh, my god.
- What?
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98. Gosh, Bob, that's really sweet,
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99. and I'd really love to,
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100. but I'm seeing someone else.
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101. Sorry.
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102. But you'll still come visit, right?
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103. What are you doing?
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104. I'm not touching you.
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105. Stop it!
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106. But I'm not touching you.
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107. Well, stop not touching me.
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108. Okay.
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109. wa it better when
I wasn't touching you?
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110. Yeah.
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111. They look happy.
Why don't we have a game?
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112. Would you stop asking me
"why don't we have stuff" ?
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113. "why don't we have a song?"
"Why don't we have a movie?"
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114. We're men.
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115. I thought we were sensitive men.
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116. We're not.
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117. One of us is.
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118. Shut up!
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119. And it's not you.
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120. Well, Mitch, I'll tell you what.
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121. It's been really fun having you over,
but it's almost sundown and, uh,
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122. we celebrate the sabbath, so...
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123. unless you have your.. your, uh...
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124. your little beanie,
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125. then I guess we're gonna have
to say adios or shalom,
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126. as we say.
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127. You guys are jewish?
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128. I'm jewish!
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129. Oh, wow, you are gorgeous.
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130. Are you kidding me?
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131. No, no, no, no,
I'm the pretty one. Me.
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132. You're the hottest
redhead since batgirl.
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133. And you're not just gorgeous.
I mean, you radiate intelligence
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134. deep thought, a real
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135. sense of self.
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136. Eric,
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137. I like your new friend.
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138. She's gotta be with you, huh?
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139. Oh, I can't say I haven't tried,
my little friend,
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140. but she's with Eric...
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141. for now.
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142. Really?
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143. Well, what's wrong with her? Is she,
like, an alcoholic or a drug addict?
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144. Yeah.
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145. Yeah, she's addicted.
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146. She needs a daily dose of this guy.
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147. I just think it's pretty suspicious
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148. that after we left
the japanese restaurant
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149. our japanese carbroke down.
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150. Hey, buddy.
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151. Whoa, Eric, you didn't tell me
you had an older sister.
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152. Oh,
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153. please, if you're gonna go with fake charm,
let's keep it in the realm of reality, okay?
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154. Oh, you shut your porky mouth.
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155. I have the skin of a 25-year-old...
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156. who smokes.
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157. You know, Mr. Forman,
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158. I learned a little about cars from my
uncle who used to fix tanks in Vietnam.
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159. Now that's hero's work...
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160. fixing machines that kill people
you don't agree with.
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161. My only regret is that I haven't had
a chance to fight for my country.
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162. Really?
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163. Eric's only regret is that
he doesn't live in space.
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164. That's not my only regret.
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165. It's just one of them.
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166. Excellent fruity bebbles.
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167. You know, at the police academy
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168. they'll only give me corn flakes, 'cause they say
the sugar gets me too hopped up to carry a weapon.
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169. I guess what they weren't counting on
was me taking my weapon home for the weekend.
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170. poor dad.
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171. He's so upset.
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172. This morning during "the price is right" he
didn't even yodel along during "cliff hanger".
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173. Donna,
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174. we wanted them apart
and now they are.
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175. Look, some things just don't
belong together, like
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176. my mom and your dad or
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177. Michael and a gun.
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178. No, seriously,
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179. how could they give me a gun?
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180. You don't even sound
like you feel bad.
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181. Donna, this whole thing is
your dad's fault.
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182. Oh, come on, Donna. Who asked
the woman to move in with him after
knowing her for such a short time?
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183. I'll tell you who
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184. The same guy who let you move in here after your
parents took off and you had no place else to go...
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185. my dad.
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186. I mean, you know
your mom is wrong
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187. and that she hurt my dad
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188. who's never been anything
but nice to you.
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189. How can you defend her?
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190. I picked the pretty one.
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191. Hey, dad.
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192. How you doin'?
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193. How do you think I'm doing?
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194. Pam ripped out my heart
and stomped on it
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195. in shoes I paid for.
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196. Well, do you want to go down
to the pet store and look at puppies?
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197. You could sing
"how much is that doggie in the window?"
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198. And I'll do the
"Arf! Arf!" part.
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199. Nah,
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200. I'm gonna watch "Love Boat."
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201. I think the big guy in the shorts is finally
gonna nail the girl with the clipboard.
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202. Ha ha ha ha! Yeah!
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203. I'm sorry. That's the sugar.
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204. Okay, Kelso,
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205. truth or dare?
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206. Uh... truth.
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207. have you ever snuck into my bathroom
while I was showering?
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208. I mean, dare.
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209. You have snuck in there.
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210. I was there, and I saw you.
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211. I mean, dare.
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212. Okay,
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213. Steven, truth or dare?
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214. The truth will be whether
or not you love me,
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215. and the dare will be
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216. telling me that you love me.
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217. Okay.
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218. pass.
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219. Okay, Mitch, truth or dare?
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220. Um, I pick dare, Mitch.
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221. Okay, Mitch,
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222. I dare you to kiss Donna.
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223. Mitch.
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224. Naughty Mitch.
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225. Mitch, you goofball, that's not how it works.
You have to be like,
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226. "I dare you to kiss me."
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227. Okay.
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228. What the hell?
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229. He did it!
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230. Look at him go.
He's like a hummingbird.
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231. I can't believe Mitch
would do that.
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232. He just flew at you like one of
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233. the little monkeys from
"The Wizard of Oz."
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234. I was scared.
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235. Much like you are when you watch
"The Wizard of Oz".
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236. Okay, look,
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237. I don't want Mitch hanging
out here anymore.
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238. He was just fooling around.
He didn't mean anything by it.
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239. It's like Fez. He's all over me all the time,
but it doesn't mean he's after me.
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240. Oh. Yes, it does.
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241. From now on,
I'll try to be clearer.
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242. Oh, mom, there you are.
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243. How could you do that to Bob?
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244. Now, honey, Bob'll be fine.
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245. No, he won't.
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246. Mom, Bob is a wonderful guy
with a huge heart
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247. who only worries about what
he could do for other people.
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248. And, yeah, okay,
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249. maybe he has an afro.
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250. But sometimes
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251. goodness and afros
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252. go together.
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253. But, Jackie,
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254. the other guy that I'm seeing
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255. is a Lincoln dealer.
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256. Oh, my god, mom, really?
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257. Wow, we could be driving matching pink..
no, no. Mom, no.
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258. No.
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259. Okay, look, I know..
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260. I know that Bob might not be the
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261. the smoothest or the classiest
guy you've ever dated, but
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262. I've learned that doesn't
mean he's a bad person.
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263. Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
sent you to public school.
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264. Mom, if you keep thinking this way, you'll
always be running from one place to another
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265. looking for something better instead of
just being happy with what you have.
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266. You know what? I guess you have
a lot of thinking to do.
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267. You're right.
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268. More tequila, Hirohito.
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269. I said
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270. thinking.
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271. Hello?
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272. Is anyone here?
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273. Hyde?
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274. Well, I guess it's time for me and
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275. 24 of my collectible action figure friends
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276. It was a dark time for the Force.
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277. After the...
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278. Formanian wars,
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279. young Luke Skywalker had to face
his most formidable enemy yet..
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280. Darth Vader
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281. with a rare and deadlier
green lightsaber.
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282. what?
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283. No.
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284. Mitch!
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285. Mitch, these omelets are amazing.
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286. Well, you know, an omelet's only as
beautiful as the person who eats it. So,
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287. I'd have to say that this omelet
has the prettiest red hair I've ever seen.
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288. Thief!
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289. He's a thief!
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290. You stole my Vader action figure.
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291. Oh, you too?
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292. I thought Eric was the only one
weird enough to play with a doll.
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293. Action figure.
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294. You know, it's bad enough you stole
a kiss from my girlfriend, but this..
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295. this has gone too far.
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296. Oh, so my honor is less
important than a doll?
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297. Action figure!
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298. Now give it back!
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299. Hold on just a second.
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300. Now, Mitch,
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301. did you or did you not
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302. put onions in my omelet?
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303. 'Cause I asked for 'em,
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304. but I didn't see you
put 'em in there.
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305. Eric,
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306. I didn't take your action figure.
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307. - Dolls!
- Action Figure!
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308. I wouldn't do that,
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309. especially not to a friend.
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310. What?
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311. We're not friends, man.
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312. We never were.
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313. I only invited you over here
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314. 'cause I felt bad for you, but
I don't like you. And guess what.
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315. Neither does anyone else.
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316. Fine.
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317. I won't bother you guys anymore.
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318. Somebody needs to flip that
in about three minutes!
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319. Well, that was brutal.
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320. I feel bad for the little guy.
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321. I just wanna put him up on my shoulders
and buy him a balloon.
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322. Eric,
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323. how could you?
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324. Mitch had a lot of good qualities,
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325. like, for example,
he worshiped me.
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326. I mean, at one point, I thought he was
gonna light a fire and dance around me.
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327. Yeah, well, you know what?
I was right, okay?
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328. He's a thief.
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329. Eric, were you playing in the bathtub
with your little doll?
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330. Action figure!
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331. Oh, no.
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332. In the tub, Forman?
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333. It is getting really hard
to be your friend.
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334. Okay,
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335. I'd like to thank everyone
for coming back here with me.
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336. True, it is the place of my
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337. greatest humiliation.
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338. But the fish is good,
the sake's strong, and
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339. these Japanese people are
funny to watch.
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340. That's the spirit, dad..
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341. the slightly offensive spirit.
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342. Well, you know, I think you're lucky
to be rid of Pam with
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343. her halter tops
and her tight skirts.
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344. You know, I've never even
seen a panty line on her.
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345. You know what that means.
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346. Plus, you're too nice for
my mom anyway.
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347. You know,
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348. someday you're gonna make a slightly
less attractive woman very happy.
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349. Hello, Bob.
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350. No, it's not a beautiful dream,
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351. it's really me.
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352. I've been doing some
thinking, Bob, and I
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353. realized that my priorities
are a little mixed up.
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354. I told her that!
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355. That was me!
I saved the day!
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356. It doesn't matter how it happened. The
important thing is she's back in our lives.
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357. Anyway, Bob, I realize that
you're the man for me.
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358. I'm sorry, Pam.
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359. It's too late.
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360. I'm completely over you..
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361. o-v-e-r, over.
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362. And I want to move in with you.
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363. Here's your key.
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364. Dad?
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365. Are you sure this is a good idea?
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366. She makes me happy, kitten.
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367. Ugh, fine.
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368. But I don't want to see, like, any of
her pantie slaying around the house.
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369. Oh, don't worry. You won't.
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370. Hey, Mitch.
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371. Look, I wanted to apologize.
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372. I thought you stole my Vader,
but it turns out I left it in the b..
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373. Hyde stole it.
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374. Yeah, I guess I was out of line, too.
I shouldn't have
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375. jumped on your girlfriend...
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376. in front of you.
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377. It's just, you have
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378. such a great life.
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379. And if I never see you or
your friends ever again,
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380. I'm always gonna treasure that
time that I spent with Donna.
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381. Okay, well...
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382. then I'll just say good-bye.
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383. so lonely.
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384. Hey, Mitch, uh...
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385. you know, if you ever
want to hang out,
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386. you know, you're always...
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387. you know.
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388. Great. Thanks.
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389. Oh, are we gonna do this now?
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390. Yeah, buddy, let's do it!
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391. Okay.
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392. Right.
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393. Hey,
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394. so do you think I might
have a shot with Donna?
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395. Mitch, she's my fianc�e.
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396. So that's a maybe!
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397. Oh, Pamela, hi.
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398. I just, um,
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399. came here
to get my scarf.
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400. Oh, phew, here it is.
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401. You lost our scarf
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402. I must to make you nervous.
We take a drink?
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403. Oh, oh, well,
it's a little early, but..
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404. oh, it's probably
5:00 somewhere.
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405. Two saigon slammers,
hold the fruit.
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406. First round's on me.
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407. That's okay.
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408. I have a tab.
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