1. h
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2. ht
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3. htt
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4. http
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5. /
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6. http://
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7. http://h
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8. http://hi
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9. http://hiq
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10. http://hiqv
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11. http://hiqve
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12. http://hiqve.
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13. http://hiqve.c
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14. http://hiqve.com/
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15. http://hiqve.com/
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16. What are those?
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17. Oh, Donna, did you
buy "playboy" for me?
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18. No, they're
college brochures.
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19. Donna, these people
are fully dressed.
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20. That's just not gonna
work for me.
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21. My guidance counselor
gave them to me,
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22. but I already told him
I'm going wherever you go.
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23. How did I ever get
a girl as great as you?
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24. You know you could do
better than me, right?
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25. But you're right next door.
It's so easy.
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26. Right.
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27. Oh, you two
make me sick.
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28. Looks my mom,
but speaks like my dad.
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29. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
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30. That wasn't me talking.
That was the menopause.
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31. No, you don't have
to apologize.
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32. We totally get
what you're going through.
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33. Well, thank the lord!
Fertile myrtle totally gets it!
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34. I miss the basement.
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35. Kitty, I know
these past few weeks
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36. have been hard on you,
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37. hard on all of us,
really.
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38. But especially
hard on you.
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39. I mean, since you
found out you were...
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40. Just say it, red.
Barren.
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41. Well, there's no need
for both of us to say it.
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42. So I got something
to cheer my girl up.
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43. Well, good,
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44. 'cause I finished off
the last bottle this morning.
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45. No, no.
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46. I got you...
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47. A puppy.
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48. He needs someone
to take care of him.
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49. His mother got run over
by a car.
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50. Did you run over
a dog, red?
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51. No!
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52. I just hate to see
you sad, and I thought...
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53. Oh, forget it.
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54. I'll take him back
and go to the liquor store.
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55. Well, now wait, wait.
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56. He's kinda cute.
Can I hold him?
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57. Oh, ho, ho!
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58. What a little lover boy!
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59. Ooh!
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60. See? He likes you.
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61. How about that?
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62. He's got menopause, too.
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63. Hello, Wisconsin!
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64. I'll see you later. I'm gonna
go get out of this thing.
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65. Boo!
Selfish!
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66. Man, what is with you guys
and this uniform?
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67. It makes us want
to corrupt you.
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68. Man, Donna
is so awesome.
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69. She can afford to go
to any school she wants,
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70. but she wants to
go where I go
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71. just so we can
be together.
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72. Yeah, she is awesome.
Why's she with you again?
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73. 'Cause
a good girlfriend
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74. accepts her guy
no matter what!
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75. And Jackie was always
trying to change me.
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76. "Grow up, Michael.
Act your age, Michael.
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77. "Stop shooting grandmother
with the water pistol, Michael."
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78. She's 92, Michael.
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79. She had jam on her face!
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80. Well, all I know is things
with me and Donna
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81. are going really,
really well.
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82. This is just about
the point
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83. where I screw things up.
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84. So don't screw it up.
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85. Fez... oh, Fez.
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86. If history has
taught us anything,
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87. it's that screwing up
is my nature.
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88. But you know what I can do
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89. is bank a little goodwill,
do something nice.
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90. Buy her a present.
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91. Yep, she deserves it,
too.
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92. You know how many times
I tried to grab her boob
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93. on the way to California?
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94. And it would have easier for her
if she woulda let me.
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95. 'Cause you know me.
I won't stop.
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96. I gotta get Donna
something really special,
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97. something that reminds her
that even though I'm an idiot,
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98. I'm an idiot
who loves her.
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99. I got it!
A scented candle!
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100. Chicks can't keep
their shirt on
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101. around a scented candle.
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102. Please,
the battlefield of love
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103. is littered with guys
who give candles.
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104. It's expensive jewelry
or nothing.
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105. Look, if you can't put
a price tag on love,
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106. then how do you know
how much it's worth?
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107. Jackie, what kind
of crap is that?
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108. You haven't learned
a thing from me.
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109. Steven, what do you mean?
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110. I mean, romance was created
by corporations
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111. to prey on losers who think
buying nice things
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112. will make somebody
love them.
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113. If you ever read
anything
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114. besides what Donny osmond
puts on his waffles,
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115. you might learn
something.
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116. I put whipped cream
on my waffles, too.
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117. I eat like the stars!
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118. Hey...
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119. When did you get
the cute little wiener dog?
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120. No, no, no, no, no!
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121. Not in my chair!
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122. Red forman!
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123. Schotzie is a helpless
little animal
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124. with four breakable legs.
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125. You can't throw him
around the room
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126. like you would Eric.
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127. Red, you don't seem like
the type of guy
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128. who'd get a dog,
being that you're unfriendly.
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129. Yeah, I know.
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130. I just wanted to do something
to cheer kitty up.
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131. Well, if you really
wanted to cheer her up,
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132. you should've
bought her a banjo.
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133. A banjo, Bob?
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134. You can't hold a banjo
and not smile.
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135. You can't hold a potato chip
and not smile.
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136. Yes?
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137. Um, I want to buy a present
for my girlfriend,
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138. you know, that lets her know
how I feel about her.
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139. Oh, no problem.
Oh, oh, oh.
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140. Would the lady
like a necklace?
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141. Huh?
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142. Well, it's nice.
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143. It's a little creepy.
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144. It doesn't really say
what I want to say, though.
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145. Okay, okay.
Oh, oh.
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146. How about a promise ring?
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147. Oh, don't even get me
started on promise rings.
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148. Like once, I gave her one,
and she didn't even want it,
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149. but then she
gave me...
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150. How about that?
Look how that shines.
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151. Whoa, that's nice,
huh?
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152. Well, your finger hair
curling over the ring
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153. is kind of ruining it
for me.
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154. Does wearing the merchandise
usually work for you?
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155. I don't know.
I'm new here.
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156. I used to work
at the lingerie store.
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157. They fired me.
Ah, I see.
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158. I think I know
what you're looking for.
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159. How about a diamond ring?
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160. Oh, isn't that gorgeous?
Look at that.
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161. Whoa...
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162. That's an engagement ring.
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163. I'm in high school, man.
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164. That says too much.
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165. Well, why don't
you tell me
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166. what it is
you wanna say?
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167. That I love her
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168. and we should be
together forever.
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169. An engagement ring
says that verbatim.
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170. Well, too bad,
'cause I ain't buying one.
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171. Well, I refuse to put on
any more jewelry!
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172. Well, thank god
for that!
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173. Would you like to
look around a little more?
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174. Sure.
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175. And sorry about
what I said.
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176. You look...
You look really nice.
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177. Donna, you, me,
tonight at the water tower.
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178. Make yourself foxy,
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179. 'cause you're getting
something pretty special.
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180. Really? A present?
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181. I will get foxy.
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182. Oh, and, Donna...
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183. Don't forget
to wear flats,
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184. so that Eric can
feel like the boy.
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185. So, forman, you finally
broke down, huh?
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186. What'd you get her?
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187. Earrings?
A little bracelet?
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188. No, I got her way more
than a piece of jewelry.
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189. I got her a gift
that really says something...
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190. A diamond engagement ring.
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191. As a joke?
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192. No, you guys, I'm gonna ask
Donna to marry me.
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193. As a joke?
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194. The stupid helmet?
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195. Why do I have to wear
the stupid helmet?
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196. Because you're stupid!
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197. You can't ask Donna to
marry you, man!
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198. Why not?
I mean, come on.
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199. We already know that we're
gonna be together forever.
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200. No, you think that you're
gonna be together forever.
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201. Remember how you were worried
about screwing things up?
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202. This is
your bay of pigs, man.
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203. Yeah, even in my country,
we're not stupid enough
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204. to get married
in high school.
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205. And we eat bugs!
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206. Forman, what the hell
are you thinking?
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207. You don't understand,
okay? I love her.
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208. I was down at the store
and I realized,
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209. what am I waiting for?
We're happy.
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210. You don't engaged when
you're happy! What's the point?
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211. You do it when
your back's against the wall
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212. and there's no way out,
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213. like if
the girl's pregnant.
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214. It is settled then.
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215. Eric will get Donna
pregnant.
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216. I will oversee
the proceedings
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217. for verification
purposes.
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218. Ah, but he's so stupid,
how do we know he can do it?
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219. Jackie,
help me out here.
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220. Well, I think
it's beautiful.
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221. Well, then
you're crazy, too.
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222. Look, Steven, I am
my own woman, okay?
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223. I am allowed to have
opinions about jewelry!
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224. You present hater!
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225. Listen, you guys,
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226. I've thought about this
a lot, okay?
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227. Donna's willing to commit
four years of college to me.
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228. I want to commit, too.
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229. Forman, I say this
to you as a friend
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230. that likes to see you
get hurt.
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231. If you don't take
that ring back right now,
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232. you are going to end up
in a world of misery and pain.
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233. Hey, I love Donna, okay?
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234. So did it ever occur
to any of you
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235. that I'm ready for a world
of misery and pain?
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236. Think about that!
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237. Who wants
the last piece of salami?
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238. I'll take it.
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239. Who wants a salami?
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240. I said I do.
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241. There you go, schotzie!
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242. I said I wanted that.
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243. But he was begging,
red.
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244. We don't turn down
beggars.
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245. Do we, schotzie?
No, we don't!
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246. Okay, you guys know more
about relationships
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247. than my moron friends,
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248. so I have a question
about me and Donna.
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249. No, no more
about you and Donna.
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250. You need to be thinking
about your future...
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251. College, getting out
of my house.
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252. But Donna is my future.
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253. Honey, we know you
love Donna,
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254. but you two are so
on again and off again,
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255. you're probably gonna be
off again sometime soon.
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256. Won't they, schotzie?
Yes, they will!
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257. How about a career?
Have you even given thought
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258. to what you're gonna do
with your life?
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259. Yes, Donna and I...
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260. I think he should be
a pharmacist.
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261. Now there's an idea.
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262. You can count.
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263. There's no heavy lifting.
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264. You ought to see him
try to wrestle
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265. with that big mop
down at the store.
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266. I don't see what any of this
has to do with me and Donna.
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267. Oh, honey, but you would be
such a good pharmacist.
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268. Your slender fingers
are perfect
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269. for picking up tiny pills.
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270. Aren't they, schotzie?
Yes, they are!
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271. Did you see that?
He just nodded.
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272. Man, everyone's down on
me and Donna getting engaged.
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273. You guys, my parents...
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274. Even the magic 8-ball said,
"outlook not so good."
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275. I just...
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276. I really think Donna
would love an engagement ring.
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277. Oh, she'll love the ring.
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278. It's the thought behind it
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279. that will send her
running for the hills.
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280. Or maybe she'll see
how smart it is
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281. to get married when
you're still in high school
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282. and have no money
or future.
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283. I know I ran when Jackie
wanted to marry me,
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284. except I ran for California
instead of the hills.
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285. I mean, the beach kicks
the hills' ass!
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286. There's way more bikinis,
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287. and they usually have
a snack bar!
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288. What if you guys
are right?
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289. What if she thinks
I'm moving too fast?
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290. Man, giving her this ring
is a huge gamble.
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291. Am I man enough
to make that bet?
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292. No, no!
The answer is no!
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293. You see, forman, you tried
to do a nice, thoughtful thing,
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294. and you screwed yourself.
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295. It's all about
expectations, man.
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296. Like I've taught Jackie to think
I'm rude and inconsiderate.
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297. I can't disappoint her,
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298. because I'm always
disappointing her!
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299. Then if I don't give Donna
the ring
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300. what am I gonna do at
the water tower?
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301. Oh, god!
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302. I do deserve this!
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303. Does anyone else think
that schotzie looks like Fez?
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304. That dog is flyin'!
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305. I don't know what's
gotten into schotzie.
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306. He's so hungry, he went
through three cans of food.
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307. Didn't you, schotzie?
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308. Yes, you did!
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309. Hey, Bob, hand me that
remote there, will you?
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310. No thanks, red.
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311. I'd have to buckle
my belt.
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312. Well, buckle
your belt anyway.
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313. No one wants
to see that.
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314. Oh, not again!
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315. There we go.
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316. What the hell!
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317. Oh, crap!
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318. That's it!
That damn dog's gotta go.
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319. I think he just went,
red.
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320. Are you laughing, Bob?
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321. Your bottom's all wet.
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322. That's just plain funny
in my book.
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323. Well, he can't stay.
He's making everyone miserable.
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324. I don't know.
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325. Kitty's seemed pretty darn
happy the last couple days.
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326. Yeah, well...
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327. Look, red,
you did a nice thing.
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328. Don't spoil it by,
you know, being yourself.
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329. I guess if the incontinent
little bastard
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330. makes kitty happy,
I'll put up with it.
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331. What the hell? I've never
been that happy anyway.
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332. At least not
since I've known you.
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333. Yeah.
Weird coincidence, huh?
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334. Okay, look, you!
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335. I've been thinking about
all your conspiracy mumbo jumbo
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336. about presents and diamonds
and buying me stuff.
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337. And I realized that
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338. all your paranoid,
delusional crap about romance
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339. is a just a cover-up
for you being cheap!
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340. Okay, first of all, it's not
paranoid, delusional crap!
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341. Advertisers spend billions
to make you think
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342. I'm a jerk if I don't
buy you jewelry.
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343. And second of all...
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344. You're right.
I am cheap.
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345. Well, you'd better
quit it,
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346. because I like
to get stuff,
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347. especially shiny stuff.
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348. Would you settle for
a cheeseburger
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349. wrapped in tinfoil?
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350. Well, for you I will,
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351. but just know that i'm
really lowering my standards.
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352. That makes two of us.
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353. So? Huh?
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354. This is romantic, huh?
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355. It's a little more romantic
in the summer.
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356. Or any time
not below freezing.
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357. So what am I getting?
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358. What are you getting?
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359. What are you getting?
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360. This is what
you're getting.
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361. A candy bar?
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362. Well, half a candy bar.
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363. I figured we could share it
under the stars.
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364. What a delightful
moonlit snack.
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365. Okay, you're being weird,
and it's freezing out here.
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366. Oh, come on.
It's not that cold.
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367. Aw...
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368. Eric, why are
we up here?
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369. Okay, I'm sorry, Donna.
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370. I had something
that I was gonna give you,
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371. but I realized
it was stupid.
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372. Or everyone said it was stupid,
so I just decided against it.
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373. What was it?
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374. It was nothing.
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375. Well, it was something.
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376. I mean, I can see that
it was something.
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377. Just tell me.
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378. Okay, fine.
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379. I was gonna
give you this.
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380. Oh, my god.
Is that a...?
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381. Yeah.
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382. It's stupid, right?
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383. Yeah.
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384. And... no.
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385. I don't know.
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386. What would you
have done with it?
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387. Well, I don't know.
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388. I guess I would have told you
how beautiful you are
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389. and that...
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390. You mean everything
to me.
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391. And then...
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392. I would have
gone down on one knee.
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393. You know, like this.
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394. And then I would have
taken your hand,
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395. and taken the ring...
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396. Go ahead.
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397. And I would have put
the ring on your finger,
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398. like this.
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399. Wow.
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400. So, uh...
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401. So, I'll tell you what.
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402. Why don't I just
hold on to that
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403. until, you know,
the real moment comes.
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404. Well, sure.
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405. Or I could hold on
to it.
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406. You could?
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407. Yeah.
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408. Eric, I love you,
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409. and I want to be
with you forever.
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410. Yes.
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411. That's what I told
everyone,
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412. and they made me
wear the stupid helmet.
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413. So, um...
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414. Did we just get...
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415. I think we did.
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416. Donna, I love you.
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417. We are so stupid!
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418. I know, right?
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419. Oh, here comes
your dad.
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420. Put the ring in your pocket.
Why? He'll be happy for us.
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421. Oh, yeah?
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422. Hey, Mr. Pinciotti.
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423. What would you do
if I, say,
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424. made a long-term commitment
to your daughter?
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425. Oh, I'd kill ya.
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426. You know what,
a secret engagement
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427. is even more romantic.
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428. And more stupid!
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429. http://hiqve.com/
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