1. Whatever.
Whatever.
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2. ( Scoffs )
Yeah, like I care.
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3. All right. I'll talk
to you later, Jackie.
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4. Ew. Do you mind not getting
all gooey and romantic...
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5. when I'm about to eat my breakfast?
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6. What crawled up your butt?
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7. You and Jackie.
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8. Then you started
making out in there.
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9. Hey! No more butt talk at breakfast.
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10. Look, if you're not gonna
break up with Jackie...
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11. then you have to tell Kelso, okay?
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12. - It's like the ethical thing to do.
- Thank you, Johnny Cub Scout.
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13. What are you gonna do, take away
my friendship merit badge?
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14. No, because Cub Scouts
are awarded achievement beads.
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15. Badges.
( Chuckles )
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16. - So, anybody hungry?
- Yeah.
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17. - Yeah, that sounds good.
- Starved!
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18. Ladies first.
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19. Or ladies only.
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20. Oh, well, um-
well, it's not all for me.
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21. I'm eating for two now.
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22. - ( Red, Hyde, Eric ) What?
- I'm pregnant.
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23. Oh, God. No!
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24. I mean, great.
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25. Kitty, are you sure
you're-you're pregnant?
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26. Maybe you're just
puttin' on your winter weight.
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27. Red, a woman knows.
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28. Not to mention I'm late.
And not for work.
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29. For my menstrual cycle.
Hooray!
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30. That is great news, Mrs. Forman.
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31. Now, you stay away
from those smokes.
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32. If you smoke when you're pregnant,
they come out all spindly.
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33. Shut up.
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34. Mom, congratulations.
This is awesome.
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35. Please, love me the most.
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36. Well, you're sure
being quiet over there, Red.
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37. I'm... soaking in the moment.
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38. Okay. I-I know this is unexpected...
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39. but I just think it's gonna bring us
so much happiness, don't you?
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40. Sure.
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41. You know how much I love babies.
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42. ( Laughing )
Oh, what a day. I am so happy.
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43. I'm just-
I'm just gonna go throw up.
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44. I just don't understand
how this could have happened.
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45. Hmm. Maybe it's about time
we had "the talk."
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46. You see, when a boy
loves a girl-
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47. - Doesn't have to love her.
- That's true.
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48. "Anyhoo,"
the boy's sexual organ-
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49. Hey!
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50. Shut it, dumb-ass.
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51. Wow. That kid's gonna love it here.
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52. I can't believe
they're having a baby.
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53. I can't believe they're still
having sex.
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54. I mean, my Dad's back goes out if you
look at him wrong.
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55. - That's why she was probably on top.
- Thanks.
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56. Thanks, Hyde.
You just killed a part of me.
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57. Yeah. That's why you got
to put on your raincoat...
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58. every damn time.
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59. Well, except for the first time.
Free pass!
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60. No, Kelso, that's just a myth.
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61. You're only safe if you do it underwater.
Right, Hyde?
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62. That's right, buddy.
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63. Oops.
Oh, a little help, Donna.
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64. - Sure.
- Oh, nice!
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65. Catch this, tool!
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66. - What was that for?
- You keep dropping the ball.
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67. Well, so I'm a butterfingers.
Isn't that punishment enough?
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68. Now look. The ball's all the way
over there in the backyard.
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69. Little help, Donna.
( Groans )
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70. God! Fine, I'll get it. God!
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71. Hey, Steven.
I had fun last night.
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72. - You had fun doing what?
- Huh? Hey, Michael.
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73. Um, I went to the movies.
Right, Donna?
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74. Oh, um, I don't know.
I was with Eric all night.
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75. But I'm really interested
in this movie.
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76. Why don't you tell us
all about it?
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77. Donna?
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78. Fine.
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79. You know, it's that new movie
starring that big, red whore.
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80. Oh, you mean, the one where the big,
red whore is sick of people keeping secrets.
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81. No. No, no. The one where the big, red whore
keeps sticking her big, red nose...
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82. in places where it
doesn't belong.
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83. Hey. Watch what you say
about the big, red whore.
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84. Thank you, Eric. What did Sissy Spacek
ever do to any of you?
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85. Way to go, guys.
You know how he feels about Sissy!
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86. Fez, wait!
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87. Donna, what is with you?
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88. Look, I'm sick of covering
for your creepy, unnatural relationship.
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89. And I shouldn't have to.
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90. I mean, Hyde, you and Kelso have been friends
forever, and you owe it to him to tell him.
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91. Yeah, this is way worse than when you stole
his headgear and used it to clean out your sink.
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92. It's tough love, man.
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93. You know what?
Forget it.
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94. You obviously don't care about Kelso
or any of the rest of us.
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95. Yeah, 'cause when this blows up,
guess what. We're all screwed.
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96. Steven, do you really think
we're a creepy, unnatural couple?
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97. Come on.
That's a crazy question.
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98. I mean, if this relationship wasn't just
a little bit creepy and unnatural...
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99. I wouldn't be in it.
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100. Oh, Eric, look.
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101. Your little, pink baby sweater.
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102. Oh, oh, and the matching
pink bonnet.
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103. Um, had they explained
to you yet that I was a boy?
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104. Oh, I am just
so excited about this baby.
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105. Well, yeah.
You should be.
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106. And Dad should be too.
What's with him anyway?
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107. Oh, no. That's just his way.
He'll be fine.
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108. When I first told him
about you...
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109. he said, "Oh, crap!"
and stormed out.
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110. But then he came back
happy as a clam.
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111. And then, of course, when you got older,
he got mad again...
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112. on account of you
not being so very good at sports.
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113. Don't worry about your father.
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114. He'll come around.
He always does.
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115. My "banky-boo"!
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116. Hey, Forman.
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117. So I've decided I'm gonna tell Kelso
about me and Jackie.
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118. Well, well. I'm glad you finally decided
to listen to your conscience.
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119. It's not my conscience, man,
'cause I don't have a conscience.
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120. You know that.
It's just 'cause, you know...
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121. I figured me and Jackie might be
together a little while, so-
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122. But, man, she's the devil.
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123. What can I do?
She's hot.
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124. No, you only think she's hot...
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125. because she's made of hellfire.
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126. All right. What if you were stranded
on a desert island with her?
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127. ( Sighs )
Murder-suicide.
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128. Okay.
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129. PictureJackie in a little bikini
made out of coconuts.
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130. Where's our signal fire?
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131. And don't give me any,
"Oh, boo-hoo, my hands are bleeding."
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132. Suck it up.
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133. Aw, damn, I got a splinter.
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134. You couldn't grab the tweezers
as the ship was going down?
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135. ( Scoffs )
Moron.
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136. Well, that was unpleasant.
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137. Okay. Try it again.
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138. But this time do what I do.
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139. Good God, she is hot.
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140. Hey, guys.
What you talkin' about?
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141. ( Hyde, Eric )
Indy 500.
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142. - Nice.
- All right.
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143. Hey, can one of you guys give me a ride
to the D.M.V. tomorrow?
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144. - I lost my license in California.
- Sure, Hyde'll take you.
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145. - What?
- Yeah. It will give you two a chance to catch up.
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146. He can tell you how he spent
his summer break.
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147. Yeah.
All right.
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148. - So what happened to your license, man?
- Oh, a shark ate it.
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149. Really?
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150. How?
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151. Fine. I lost it.
You happy now!
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152. Oh, here you are.
How ya feeling?
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153. Better?
I bet you're feeling better.
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154. I'm fine.
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155. Is that liquor on your breath?
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156. What is the matter with you, Red?
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157. Well-
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158. You know-
I mean-
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159. It's just-
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160. I'm not sellin' the Corvette!
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161. - What?
- Kids are expensive.
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162. That's gonna be
the first thing to go.
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163. I waited 25 years to have
that car because we had kids.
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164. And believe me, I love them.
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165. But this is supposed to be our time.
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166. Kitty, people our age don't have kids.
They have grandkids.
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167. Well, we're having a kid,
so deal with it.
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168. Well, I'm having a Corvette,
so deal with that!
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169. Ooh, a staring contest.
I got winner.
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170. Okay, Mr. Red, it looks like
it's just you and me.
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171. Still the king.
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172. And here I am ecstatic, and Red comes home
babbling about his precious Corvette.
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173. Well, I'll tell you something.
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174. I may be the one who's pregnant,
but I did not get that way by myself.
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175. He's the one who
wouldn't go to sleep.
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176. You know, Mrs. Forman, there are other ways
of dealing with that.
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177. I mean, have you tried telling him
you just like him as a friend?
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178. You're carrying Red's baby.
He should be kissing your ass.
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179. God! Why are men such jerks? Huh?
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180. Tell me.
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181. Well, I just came in here
for the ice cream...
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182. so I'm just gonna make mine to go.
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183. Men plant their seed
and think their work is done.
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184. But women have a being
growing inside of us...
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185. the size of a wine jug.
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186. It's got to come out somehow.
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187. Oh, oh, oh. It's like that
nature show, you know...
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188. where the snake eats an antelope in one bite,
and you're thinking, "Impossible."
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189. And then it-it-it
unhinges its jaw, and in it goes.
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190. Well, giving birth is just like that,
only the other direction.
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191. And I need your father there,
holding my hand and telling me it's okay...
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192. because I can't swallow
an antelope alone.
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193. No, you can't.
And no woman should have to.
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194. That bastard.
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195. Ah, we've been here for, like, an hour.
We've only moved, like, two feet.
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196. You think the lines
at the D.M.V. are long?
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197. You should see the free clinic.
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198. Now, there's a wait.
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199. Man, you've been to the free clinic?
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200. No.
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201. Oh, but I did see your mom there.
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202. Burn!
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203. ( Chuckles )
That's gonna leave a mark.
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204. Just like your mom did!
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205. Come on.
Move it! Damn!
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206. Gentlemen, I'm sorry you
had to see my dark side.
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207. Please excuse me.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
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208. Ta-ta.
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209. Look, man, I got to talk to you
about some things...
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210. that happened while
you were gone this summer.
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211. Hyde, if this is about
free ice cream, naked volleyball...
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212. or a dog wearing a hat and sunglasses,
I'd rather not even know.
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213. No, it's aboutJackie.
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214. What aboutJackie?
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215. She was with someone,
I knew it. Damn it!
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216. Well, you know, you guys are broken up,
so who cares, right?
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217. We're not-
I don't care. It's just-
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218. I mean, she was
a big part of my life...
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219. and I just hate the thought of her
being off with some random guy.
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220. Well, what if I told you
it was with a friend?
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221. Would that make it better?
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222. No.
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223. That would make it worse, stupid.
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224. Aw, you're messing with me.
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225. Okay, 'cause I-
A friend would never do that.
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226. Aw, man.
Hyde, you got me again.
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227. Just like I got your mom!
( Laughing )
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228. What is with the hitting?
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229. Guys?
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230. I love this place.
I want to work here.
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231. You just said you hated it.
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232. Yeah, but I went up to the counter,
and the guy treated me like crap.
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233. But he was treating everybody like crap-
poor, rich, black, white.
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234. We're all crap.
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235. And look at him.
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236. Think he was popular in high school?
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237. No way.
But now... he's the belle of the ball.
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238. Well, my friends, it's my turn
to get a taste of those balls.
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239. Hey. I was just inside with Mom
and she's really upset.
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240. I just want to know-
What's your problem?
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241. You made me bald.
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242. - What?
- Five generations-
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243. not one bald head in my family.
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244. Then you came along, and-
Well, look at it.
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245. Children make me bald.
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246. You know what?
Wear a hat.
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247. 'Cause Mom is really scared...
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248. and she could really use
a little damn support right now.
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249. And I don't usually
tell you what to do...
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250. 'cause you usually do the right thing,
but this time you didn't.
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251. You know how you're always telling me
to be a man? Well, be a man!
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252. I made you bald?
You made me skinny!
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253. Oh, hey. How'd it go at the D.M.V.?
Did you tell Kelso?
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254. Nah, I blew it off.
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255. What? Why?
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256. I don't know.
It's just really hot in there.
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257. Really? 'Cause I think
you chickened out.
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258. No, I didn't chicken out, man.
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259. I just didn't want to drop the news
in front of all those people, you know?
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260. I mean, haven't I done
enough to the guy?
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261. So you felt bad?
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262. Oh, my God, you felt bad!
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263. No, I don't feel bad.
I don't feel anything.
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264. I don't know. I think someone's
been to Oz and gotten himself a heart.
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265. - Shut up, Forman.
- Yeah, Eric.
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266. Maybe we should lay off.
He's had a rough day.
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267. - Aw.
- I really want to lay off...
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268. but it's just so hot in here.
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269. Get bent!
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270. - ( Door Closes )
- He felt bad.
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271. - I think we really got through to him.
- Yeah.
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272. - He's not gonna tell Kelso.
- No.
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273. Oh. So you're hiding out here.
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274. Got a call for some man
about a Corvette.
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275. What, you gonna buy another one so you can
ride 'em around like a couple of water skis?
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276. - I'm selling the Corvette.
- What?
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277. Look, could we finish this later?
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278. I'm kind of in the middle
of something.
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279. Is that Eric's old cradle?
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280. Yeah, well, uh, the paint was
all chipped off...
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281. and I kind
of remember that, uh-
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282. that they liked
sleepin' in this thing...
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283. when they weren't peein' and poopin'
all over the place.
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284. Oh, Red.
That is so sweet.
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285. Yeah, well...
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286. it might be fun.
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287. Hell, this time
we might even get an athlete.
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288. Oh!
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289. - Hey.
- Hey.
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290. So did you tell Michael yet?
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291. Oh, yeah, well, I was gonna,
but, um, you know...
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292. the... timing just
didn't seem right.
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293. Oh, I-I understand.
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294. I mean, it's kind of like-
it's kind of like setting your hair.
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295. If you don't wait long enough, then it's
totally flat and- ( Scoffs ) like Donna's.
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296. But if you wait just the right amount of time,
then it's perfect...
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297. like mine.
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298. Steven, are you even
listening to me?
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299. God help me, I am.
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300. Steven.
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301. So that's what an adulteress is.
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302. I always thought
that it was a tiny adult.
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303. Hey, uh- Hey, buddy, what do you say we
take this party back to the living room, huh?
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304. Um, yeah, that's a good idea.
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305. No, but I want
a peanut butter and banana-
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306. Why is Hyde kissin'Jackie?
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307. What the hell?
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308. He's dead.
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309. They have a lot of questions
in the D.M.V. application.
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310. Let's see.
"Sex"?
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311. Please.
( Giggles )
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312. Lots.
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313. "Address"?
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314. If I must, but I prefer pants.
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315. "State"?
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316. Nervous but excited.
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317. "Mother's maiden name"?
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318. Streisand, but she
won't acknowledge me.
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