1. Donna, you're so sweet for letting
Jackie live here with you while her mom is-Copy !req
2. - You know.
- Whoring around Mexico?Copy !req
3. Donna, that is not fair.Copy !req
4. I think she left Mexico.Copy !req
5. Well, you know, Jackie
and I might have fun.Copy !req
6. - Sort of like a... slumber party.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
7. Yes, late-night girl talk...Copy !req
8. hot oil massages...Copy !req
9. and the furtive whispers of,
"We shouldn't!"Copy !req
10. And then, "Shh! It's okay!"Copy !req
11. - Is that all you're bringing?
- Oh, um, just a couple more small things.Copy !req
12. - Out of the way, Jackie.
- Comin' through!Copy !req
13. Got a buttload!Copy !req
14. Heavy. Can't...
feel... my fingers!Copy !req
15. - Yup!
- Ooh.Copy !req
16. Jackie's panties!
Hey, Hyde.Copy !req
17. If these babies could talk, I bet they could
tell some pretty good stories about me!Copy !req
18. Yeah, I bet they'd have
a French accent too.Copy !req
19. My girlfriend's panties, Kelso? Is that
really a road you want to go down with me?Copy !req
20. What's that, panties?Copy !req
21. Oh, no! I can't tell Hyde that one!Copy !req
22. Naughty panties!Copy !req
23. What's that, fist?
It would be my pleasure.Copy !req
24. Here you go.
One general-issue military cot...Copy !req
25. slightly used from my days
in the National Guard.Copy !req
26. Well, it's good to know that the
National Guard was gettin' a good night's sleep...Copy !req
27. while I was in the South Pacific
dodgin' bullets and using coral as toilet paper!Copy !req
28. So- I don't think there's
gonna be room for everything.Copy !req
29. Oh, Donna, sure there will.
I only brought the stuff I absolutely needed.Copy !req
30. All right.
Where goes the horse?Copy !req
31. Guys, if I enroll
in the police academy in the fall...Copy !req
32. I could be bustin' heads in a year!Copy !req
33. Freeze, dirtbag!Copy !req
34. Wow, you did make me freeze.Copy !req
35. But I was a dirtbag
long before you came along.Copy !req
36. Hey. Says here you're supposed
to start getting into shape now.Copy !req
37. No, no, that's not for me.
That's for the regular guys.Copy !req
38. I haven't done a lap in gym class
since I had my eighth-grade growth spurt...Copy !req
39. and Miss Brady made me
her special assistant.Copy !req
40. Guys! Look at this.
I just got another collection letter...Copy !req
41. from the jewelry store
about Donna's engagement ring.Copy !req
42. - I gotta get some money, or I'm screwed.
- There's a job at the hotel.Copy !req
43. My boss would have hired ya.
Then he talked to Red.Copy !req
44. I gotta do something.
This is a threatening letter.Copy !req
45. "Call us immediately"?Copy !req
46. It's-It's in all capital letters.Copy !req
47. Look at you.
Another dirtbag dodgin' his responsibilities.Copy !req
48. Not on my beat.
Game over, dirtbag!Copy !req
49. Man, I wish I had some handcuffs.Copy !req
50. Here, use mine!Copy !req
51. I'm learnin' to do magic!Copy !req
52. Hello, Wisconsin!Copy !req
53. Jackie.Copy !req
54. I thought you were gonna
put everything away.Copy !req
55. I did. The hardest thing was
finding room for my shoes.Copy !req
56. But then I realized I could
just fit them inside your shoes.Copy !req
57. Uh-huh.Copy !req
58. Look, let's just get some sleep.Copy !req
59. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
60. Jackie! Turn that off!Copy !req
61. See, Donna, I need music
to fall asleep.Copy !req
62. See, I wear earplugs so
I can just barely hear it...Copy !req
63. but it needs to be loud enough,
because I like the vibration in the bed.Copy !req
64. So, how am I supposed
to get to sleep?Copy !req
65. Think of something boring.
You know, like school. Or Eric.Copy !req
66. Hey.Copy !req
67. I sold some of my albums to get some
money for Donna's engagement ring.Copy !req
68. Made three bucks.Copy !req
69. Which means I am-
Let me see, carry the one, um-Copy !req
70. Oh! Still completely screwed.Copy !req
71. They wouldn't take
Anne Murray's Greatest Hits?Copy !req
72. Is this whole crazy world
turning upside down?Copy !req
73. Be nice to Anne, okay?
She's a beloved Canadian songstress.Copy !req
74. And I'm glad they didn't take her, because-
Well, the worse I feel, the more I need her.Copy !req
75. Why do you have money?Copy !req
76. What'd you do, mug a Girl Scout?Copy !req
77. No, I've been selling my albums.Copy !req
78. Oh, I hope you didn't sell that
"Froggy Went A-courtin"' record.Copy !req
79. You know, when we were
toilet-training Eric...Copy !req
80. I'd say, "Does someone
need to go a-courtin'?"Copy !req
81. And he would just run
straight off and make a jobby.Copy !req
82. You know, it occurs to me
that since I paid the allowance...Copy !req
83. that bought those records
in the first place, that money's mine.Copy !req
84. It occurs to me that possession
is 9/10ths of the law.Copy !req
85. Keep up with the smart mouth, and my
foot'll be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.Copy !req
86. You know, Forman,
you should write a book:Copy !req
87. Things My Father Threatened
To Put In My Ass.Copy !req
88. "Chapter One: His Foot."Copy !req
89. I'd buy that.Copy !req
90. - Ew!
- Donna, don't you knock?Copy !req
91. Not when it's my room!Copy !req
92. Well,
we're in here, so-Copy !req
93. Yeah, well,
I'm in here, so-Copy !req
94. Hey, if you want to watch,
I can get into that.Copy !req
95. Have a seat on the horse.Copy !req
96. - Hey, how was your weekend, Roy?
- Aw, pretty good.Copy !req
97. Think I might have met a woman.Copy !req
98. - Aw, that's great, man.
- She's stayin' at the hotel.Copy !req
99. When I took butter to her table,
she looked right at me and said...Copy !req
100. "Took you long enough."Copy !req
101. Huh?Copy !req
102. - All right! Here I am!Copy !req
103. Oh, Steven, meet our
new kitchen assistant.Copy !req
104. You hired Kelso?Copy !req
105. Do you know how many
fires this guy's started?Copy !req
106. Three electrical, two chemical,
and one that even surprised me.Copy !req
107. Well, I wanted to help him out,
and he said he needed a job.Copy !req
108. Yeah, if I'm gonna be a cop,
I gotta quit modelin', I mean-Copy !req
109. I can't have the perps lookin'
at pictures of me half-naked.Copy !req
110. Oh, and, uh, everywhere I work,
I like to feel at home...Copy !req
111. so I brought a little
somethin' ofJackie's.Copy !req
112. Okay, uh, I think that's
a health code violation.Copy !req
113. But I'm gonna look the other way,
which is hard to do, 'cause-Copy !req
114. Look, panties!Copy !req
115. Yeah, I burned you with the panties again!Copy !req
116. Two days, two locations.
That burn is on tour.Copy !req
117. I guess Roy didn't make
things clear, but, um...Copy !req
118. all new hires are on probation.Copy !req
119. So at the end of the week,
I get to say whether you stay or go.Copy !req
120. Yeah, nice try.Copy !req
121. No, I'm serious, man.
It's all up to me.Copy !req
122. So you might want to try
and get on my good side.Copy !req
123. - Oh, uh, excuse me.
- Yes, may I help you?Copy !req
124. Oh. Hello, Fez.Copy !req
125. Fenton.Copy !req
126. - You two know each other?
- I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
127. - There's nothing to say.
- You can say that again.
- Don't tell me what to do.Copy !req
128. - You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Maybe I would!
- Then there's nothing to say!Copy !req
129. Yeah.Copy !req
130. Um, I have a question
about this letter.Copy !req
131. I don't think I'm gonna be able
to make a ring payment anytime soon...Copy !req
132. so I was wondering if we could
work out some kind of deal.Copy !req
133. Fine. Here's a deal.
Come up with the money by Friday...Copy !req
134. or bring the ring back to the store.Copy !req
135. What? Bring the ring back?
No, I can't do that.Copy !req
136. You can and you will.
No later than 5:00.Copy !req
137. I have a party at 8:00.
I need the time to dress.Copy !req
138. Eric, you're going to
want to do what he says.Copy !req
139. I've been at the other end of Fenton's stick,
and that's not a place you want to be.Copy !req
140. And even though, I ain’t got money,
I’m soCopy !req
141. Who am I kidding?Copy !req
142. After I can't pay for Donna's ring,
no one's gonna be in love with me, honey.Copy !req
143. Must you mock me, Anne Murray?Copy !req
144. Kelso, because of your
panty shenanigans...Copy !req
145. I'm banning you from the circle.Copy !req
146. I hereby ban you!Copy !req
147. I also hereby eat your burrito.Copy !req
148. Hey, Hyde?
You're not the boss of me!Copy !req
149. All right. Well, you can't
tell me what to do.Copy !req
150. Shoot.Copy !req
151. Well-Well, at least
I'm still my own man.Copy !req
152. No, I'm not!Copy !req
153. What do you supposeJackie and Donna
are doing in the room right now?Copy !req
154. Combing each other's hair?Copy !req
155. Applying moisturizer to
their "all-overness"?Copy !req
156. Oh, to be a fly in that poop.Copy !req
157. All I know is I gotta go tell the woman I love
that the ring I gave her for all eternity...Copy !req
158. was actually for only
six-and-a-half weeks.Copy !req
159. Life's more complicated than one of your
simple little ditties, isn't it, Anne Murray?Copy !req
160. Anne Murray.Copy !req
161. - What do you know about hard times?Copy !req
162. Canada?Copy !req
163. You wanna borrow our shower?Copy !req
164. Jackie used up all our hot water
bathing her dolls.Copy !req
165. Normally, I'd rather hose off in
the driveway than ask you for a favor...Copy !req
166. but I'm afraid Bob'll want to act out
some car-wash fantasy.Copy !req
167. You got me there!Copy !req
168. Come on, Jo-Jo. We can save water
if we soap up together.Copy !req
169. And when they're done,
I'm retiling the whole damn bathroom.Copy !req
170. Okay, so...Copy !req
171. you're absolutely positive that
my hairnet has to be pink?Copy !req
172. It's gotta match your apron.Copy !req
173. You're pretty.Copy !req
174. Jackie, if you're gonna stay here,
we need to set up a few ground rules.Copy !req
175. Okay? You can't just-Copy !req
176. What happened to
our Led Zeppelin poster?Copy !req
177. Oh! I put up
the Captain and Tennille instead.Copy !req
178. No, no, no, no.
No way...Copy !req
179. is my Led Zeppelin becoming
the Captain and Tennille.Copy !req
180. Led Zeppelin wishes
they could be the Captain and Tennille.Copy !req
181. What did you say?Copy !req
182. Hey, Donna. Um, I need to
talk to you for a second.Copy !req
183. - Um...Copy !req
184. I have been thinking
all day-Copy !req
185. About your eyes.Copy !req
186. What?Copy !req
187. Yeah, your eyes. They're so beautiful
and shiny. You now what else is shiny?Copy !req
188. This diamond ring, which has to go
back to the store because it isn't paid for.Copy !req
189. Because you can put a price tag
on a ring, but, you know...Copy !req
190. who can put a price tag on your eyes?Copy !req
191. Only God, that's who.Copy !req
192. - You're taking back my ring?
- Yeah. I'm sorry.Copy !req
193. L-Copy !req
194. Man, I wish there were another way,
but my dad won't let me have a job, and-Copy !req
195. I mean, I can't make the payments.Copy !req
196. God, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
197. Oh, it's okay, Eric.Copy !req
198. I mean, it doesn't change the way we feel
about each other.Copy !req
199. As long as we have that,
I don't need a silly ring.Copy !req
200. Um, Donna...Copy !req
201. you didn't give me the ring.Copy !req
202. Yeah, I- I thought
you'd think I did.Copy !req
203. All right.Copy !req
204. Donna, I promise.Copy !req
205. - I'm gonna make this up to you.
- 'Kay.Copy !req
206. Um, Donna, you gave me a quarter.Copy !req
207. Mmm, fine.Copy !req
208. Hello, Mr. Forman.
And you.Copy !req
209. - Shut your filthy mouth!Copy !req
210. Look, here it is.
Here's the ring back.Copy !req
211. - Oh, honey, that's paid for.
- What?Copy !req
212. Someone came in and paid
through the end of next month.Copy !req
213. I'm not supposed to say who,
but she sure was a pretty little number.Copy !req
214. I guess.Copy !req
215. You know what?
It was Donna.Copy !req
216. I can't believe she'd go
behind my back like this!Copy !req
217. I cannot believe that this man
would go behind my back...Copy !req
218. and take what was given
to me by God himself.Copy !req
219. All right. What happened
between you two anyway?Copy !req
220. I'm too much of a man to say.Copy !req
221. But it involved a half-off sale...Copy !req
222. a crowded parking lot, and a pair of pants
to make my ass look like an oil painting.Copy !req
223. If you mean, "old and cracked,"
then I agree!Copy !req
224. - I'll see you in hell!
- Well, I'll be wearing your pants!Copy !req
225. Okay, I'm feeling a little
"in the way" here...Copy !req
226. so- I'm ju- I'm-Copy !req
227. Oh, Roy. Hey, how's it goin'
with that hotel chick...Copy !req
228. that was all over you,
asking for butter?Copy !req
229. Well, I had this idea
to surprise her with flowers?Copy !req
230. But when I did, she started
screamin' and hittin' me.Copy !req
231. And I guess the lesson is,
don't hide in someone's shower.Copy !req
232. I don't know what's
wrong with chicks, man.Copy !req
233. If I came home and some strange girl
was in my shower...Copy !req
234. that would be
the greatest day of my life!Copy !req
235. Yeah!Copy !req
236. - So, w-what are you doin'?
- Oh, Hyde's makin' me do his laundry.Copy !req
237. Then after this, I gotta clean out
the toilets and hand-test all the mousetraps.Copy !req
238. This probation period is killin' me.Copy !req
239. Did Hyde tell you there
was a probation period?Copy !req
240. Aw, man!Copy !req
241. That guy really knows
how to enjoy life!Copy !req
242. Wait. You mean, Hyde's
just messin' with me?Copy !req
243. - I don't have to worry about gettin' fired?
- If I didn't get fired...Copy !req
244. for hidin' in some woman's shower,
I think your job's secure.Copy !req
245. Hey, guys. Kelso, be careful, huh?
Some of those T-shirts are delicate.Copy !req
246. Oh, I'm- I'm sorry, man.
I'll be extra careful.Copy !req
247. I wouldn't want to do anything
to screw up my probation period!Copy !req
248. Hey! I wanna play! Ah!Copy !req
249. Come on, buddy.
Somebody spray me.Copy !req
250. Hey, Hyde. Maybe you could
use these to dry off with.Copy !req
251. Probation period!Copy !req
252. Jackie read my diary, Mrs. Forman.Copy !req
253. And she even wrote
little comments inside.Copy !req
254. Yeah. Like, "Oh!
This could never happen."Copy !req
255. And-And, "Donna, that guy
was whistling at me, not you."Copy !req
256. I can't take it anymore!
I'm kicking her out.Copy !req
257. But, Donna, the poor girl
has nowhere to stay.Copy !req
258. She can't stay here!Copy !req
259. She can't stay anywhere near here.Copy !req
260. Bob was in our shower again.Copy !req
261. This morning, I pulled something
out of our drain...Copy !req
262. that I could not believe
came off a human body.Copy !req
263. Oh! Donna. There you are. Okay, look.
We have to talk about your makeup collection.Copy !req
264. ChapStick is not lipstick.Copy !req
265. Jackie, sit down. Look. We need to talk
about you and me living together.Copy !req
266. - Donna!
- Because it's just-Copy !req
267. I just came from the jewelry store.
You can't pay for your own engagement ring!Copy !req
268. This ring is from me to you,
not from me to you, paid for by you.Copy !req
269. That's like cutting off
my bal-Copy !req
270. lerina shoes.Copy !req
271. - I didn't pay for the ring.
- Fenton at the jewelry store
said a pretty little number-Copy !req
272. Oh, my God. Mom?
You're the pretty little number.Copy !req
273. Well, I- I do like hearing that...Copy !req
274. once in a while.Copy !req
275. - But I-I-it wasn't me.
- Well, I don't know, Dad...Copy !req
276. some men might consider you-Copy !req
277. - You just can't stop talkin', can you?
- Eric, I paid for the ring.Copy !req
278. - What?
- What?Copy !req
279. Look, Donna, I read in your diary...Copy !req
280. that you think I'm kind of
hard to live with, and...Copy !req
281. well, I realized you were right.Copy !req
282. And I wanted to show you
that I know, and I'm sorry.Copy !req
283. - And, well, thank you.
- Huh.Copy !req
284. Well, gosh, Jackie,
how very sweet, and...Copy !req
285. uncharacteristic of you.Copy !req
286. Well, I know how much
you love that ring...Copy !req
287. and I wanted to do something nice.Copy !req
288. - Wow, thanks.Copy !req
289. You know, Jackie, some people,
if they want to be nice...Copy !req
290. they just actually start being nicer
on a day-to-day basis.Copy !req
291. Yeah, I figured it'd be
easier to write a check.Copy !req
292. - Jackie! Jackie!
- Hmm?Copy !req
293. I heard something underneath my bed.Copy !req
294. - Fez?
- Meow!Copy !req
295. Fez, the cat's outside.Copy !req
296. Woof, woof?Copy !req
297. Please, let me stay.
I promise I won't make a sound.Copy !req
298. Well, I do make some sounds,
but they're happy sounds!Copy !req