1. Donna, you're so sweet for letting
Jackie live here with you while her mom is-Copy !req
2. - You know.
- Whoring around Mexico?Copy !req
3. Donna, that is not fair.Copy !req
4. I think she left Mexico.Copy !req
5. Well, you know, Jackie
and I might have fun.Copy !req
6. - Sort of like a... slumber party.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
7. Yes, late-night girl talk...Copy !req
8. hot oil massages...Copy !req
9. and the furtive whispers of,
"We shouldn't!"Copy !req
10. And then, "Shh! It's okay!"Copy !req
11. - Is that all you're bringing?
- Oh, um, just a couple more small things.Copy !req
12. - Out of the way, Jackie.
- Comin' through!Copy !req
13. Got a buttload!Copy !req
14. Heavy. Can't...
feel... my fingers!Copy !req
15. - Yup!
- Ooh.Copy !req
16. Jackie's panties!
Hey, Hyde.Copy !req
17. If these babies could talk, I bet they could
tell some pretty good stories about me!Copy !req
18. Yeah, I bet they'd have
a French accent too.Copy !req
19. My girlfriend's panties, Kelso? Is that
really a road you want to go down with me?Copy !req
20. What's that, panties?Copy !req
21. Oh, no! I can't tell Hyde that one!Copy !req
22. Naughty panties!Copy !req
23. What's that, fist?
It would be my pleasure.Copy !req
24. Here you go.
One general-issue military cot...Copy !req
25. slightly used from my days
in the National Guard.Copy !req
26. Well, it's good to know that the
National Guard was gettin' a good night's sleep...Copy !req
27. while I was in the South Pacific
dodgin' bullets and using coral as toilet paper!Copy !req
28. So- I don't think there's
gonna be room for everything.Copy !req
29. Oh, Donna, sure there will.
I only brought the stuff I absolutely needed.Copy !req
30. All right.
Where goes the horse?Copy !req
31. Guys, if I enroll
in the police academy in the fall...Copy !req
32. I could be bustin' heads in a year!Copy !req
33. Freeze, dirtbag!Copy !req
34. Wow, you did make me freeze.Copy !req
35. But I was a dirtbag
long before you came along.Copy !req
36. Hey. Says here you're supposed
to start getting into shape now.Copy !req
37. No, no, that's not for me.
That's for the regular guys.Copy !req
38. I haven't done a lap in gym class
since I had my eighth-grade growth spurt...Copy !req
39. and Miss Brady made me
her special assistant.Copy !req
40. Guys! Look at this.
I just got another collection letter...Copy !req
41. from the jewelry store
about Donna's engagement ring.Copy !req
42. - I gotta get some money, or I'm screwed.
- There's a job at the hotel.Copy !req
43. My boss would have hired ya.
Then he talked to Red.Copy !req
44. I gotta do something.
This is a threatening letter.Copy !req
45. "Call us immediately"?Copy !req
46. It's-It's in all capital letters.Copy !req
47. Look at you.
Another dirtbag dodgin' his responsibilities.Copy !req
48. Not on my beat.
Game over, dirtbag!Copy !req
49. Man, I wish I had some handcuffs.Copy !req
50. Here, use mine!Copy !req
51. I'm learnin' to do magic!Copy !req
52. Jackie.Copy !req
53. I thought you were gonna
put everything away.Copy !req
54. I did. The hardest thing was
finding room for my shoes.Copy !req
55. But then I realized I could
just fit them inside your shoes.Copy !req
56. Uh-huh.Copy !req
57. Look, let's just get some sleep.Copy !req
58. - Good night.
- Good night.Copy !req
59. Jackie! Turn that off!Copy !req
60. See, Donna, I need music
to fall asleep.Copy !req
61. See, I wear earplugs so
I can just barely hear it...Copy !req
62. but it needs to be loud enough,
because I like the vibration in the bed.Copy !req
63. So, how am I supposed
to get to sleep?Copy !req
64. Think of something boring.
You know, like school. Or Eric.Copy !req
65. Hey.Copy !req
66. I sold some of my albums to get some
money for Donna's engagement ring.Copy !req
67. Made three bucks.Copy !req
68. Which means I am-
Let me see, carry the one, um-Copy !req
69. Oh! Still completely screwed.Copy !req
70. They wouldn't take
Anne Murray's Greatest Hits?Copy !req
71. Is this whole crazy world
turning upside down?Copy !req
72. Be nice to Anne, okay?
She's a beloved Canadian songstress.Copy !req
73. And I'm glad they didn't take her, because-
Well, the worse I feel, the more I need her.Copy !req
74. Why do you have money?Copy !req
75. What'd you do, mug a Girl Scout?Copy !req
76. No, I've been selling my albums.Copy !req
77. Oh, I hope you didn't sell that
"Froggy Went A-courtin"' record.Copy !req
78. You know, when we were
toilet-training Eric...Copy !req
79. I'd say, "Does someone
need to go a-courtin'?"Copy !req
80. And he would just run
straight off and make a jobby.Copy !req
81. You know, it occurs to me
that since I paid the allowance...Copy !req
82. that bought those records
in the first place, that money's mine.Copy !req
83. It occurs to me that possession
is 9/10ths of the law.Copy !req
84. Keep up with the smart mouth, and my
foot'll be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.Copy !req
85. You know, Forman,
you should write a book:Copy !req
86. Things My Father Threatened
To Put In My Ass.Copy !req
87. "Chapter One: His Foot."Copy !req
88. I'd buy that.Copy !req
89. - Ew!
- Donna, don't you knock?Copy !req
90. Not when it's my room!Copy !req
91. Well,
we're in here, so-Copy !req
92. Yeah, well,
I'm in here, so-Copy !req
93. Hey, if you want to watch,
I can get into that.Copy !req
94. Have a seat on the horse.Copy !req
95. - Hey, how was your weekend, Roy?
- Aw, pretty good.Copy !req
96. Think I might have met a woman.Copy !req
97. - Aw, that's great, man.
- She's stayin' at the hotel.Copy !req
98. When I took butter to her table,
she looked right at me and said...Copy !req
99. "Took you long enough."Copy !req
100. Huh?Copy !req
101. - All right! Here I am!Copy !req
102. Oh, Steven, meet our
new kitchen assistant.Copy !req
103. You hired Kelso?Copy !req
104. Do you know how many
fires this guy's started?Copy !req
105. Three electrical, two chemical,
and one that even surprised me.Copy !req
106. Well, I wanted to help him out,
and he said he needed a job.Copy !req
107. Yeah, if I'm gonna be a cop,
I gotta quit modelin', I mean-Copy !req
108. I can't have the perps lookin'
at pictures of me half-naked.Copy !req
109. Oh, and, uh, everywhere I work,
I like to feel at home...Copy !req
110. so I brought a little
somethin' ofJackie's.Copy !req
111. Okay, uh, I think that's
a health code violation.Copy !req
112. But I'm gonna look the other way,
which is hard to do, 'cause-Copy !req
113. Look, panties!Copy !req
114. Yeah, I burned you with the panties again!Copy !req
115. Two days, two locations.
That burn is on tour.Copy !req
116. I guess Roy didn't make
things clear, but, um...Copy !req
117. all new hires are on probation.Copy !req
118. So at the end of the week,
I get to say whether you stay or go.Copy !req
119. Yeah, nice try.Copy !req
120. No, I'm serious, man.
It's all up to me.Copy !req
121. So you might want to try
and get on my good side.Copy !req
122. - Oh, uh, excuse me.
- Yes, may I help you?Copy !req
123. Oh. Hello, Fez.Copy !req
124. Fenton.Copy !req
125. - You two know each other?
- I don't want to talk about it.Copy !req
126. - There's nothing to say.
- You can say that again.
- Don't tell me what to do.Copy !req
127. - You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- Maybe I would!
- Then there's nothing to say!Copy !req
128. Yeah.Copy !req
129. Um, I have a question
about this letter.Copy !req
130. I don't think I'm gonna be able
to make a ring payment anytime soon...Copy !req
131. so I was wondering if we could
work out some kind of deal.Copy !req
132. Fine. Here's a deal.
Come up with the money by Friday...Copy !req
133. or bring the ring back to the store.Copy !req
134. What? Bring the ring back?
No, I can't do that.Copy !req
135. You can and you will.
No later than 5:00.Copy !req
136. I have a party at 8:00.
I need the time to dress.Copy !req
137. Eric, you're going to
want to do what he says.Copy !req
138. I've been at the other end of Fenton's stick,
and that's not a place you want to be.Copy !req
139. Who am I kidding?Copy !req
140. After I can't pay for Donna's ring,
no one's gonna be in love with me, honey.Copy !req
141. Must you mock me, Anne Murray?Copy !req
142. Kelso, because of your
panty shenanigans...Copy !req
143. I'm banning you from the circle.Copy !req
144. I hereby ban you!Copy !req
145. I also hereby eat your burrito.Copy !req
146. Hey, Hyde?
You're not the boss of me!Copy !req
147. All right. Well, you can't
tell me what to do.Copy !req
148. Shoot.Copy !req
149. Well-Well, at least
I'm still my own man.Copy !req
150. No, I'm not!Copy !req
151. What do you supposeJackie and Donna
are doing in the room right now?Copy !req
152. Combing each other's hair?Copy !req
153. Applying moisturizer to
their "all-overness"?Copy !req
154. Oh, to be a fly in that poop.Copy !req
155. All I know is I gotta go tell the woman I love
that the ring I gave her for all eternity...Copy !req
156. was actually for only
six-and-a-half weeks.Copy !req
157. Life's more complicated than one of your
simple little ditties, isn't it, Anne Murray?Copy !req
158. Anne Murray.Copy !req
159. - What do you know about hard times?Copy !req
160. Canada?Copy !req
161. You wanna borrow our shower?Copy !req
162. Jackie used up all our hot water
bathing her dolls.Copy !req
163. Normally, I'd rather hose off in
the driveway than ask you for a favor...Copy !req
164. but I'm afraid Bob'll want to act out
some car-wash fantasy.Copy !req
165. You got me there!Copy !req
166. Come on, Jo-Jo. We can save water
if we soap up together.Copy !req
167. And when they're done,
I'm retiling the whole damn bathroom.Copy !req
168. Okay, so...Copy !req
169. you're absolutely positive that
my hairnet has to be pink?Copy !req
170. It's gotta match your apron.Copy !req
171. You're pretty.Copy !req
172. Jackie, if you're gonna stay here,
we need to set up a few ground rules.Copy !req
173. Okay? You can't just-Copy !req
174. What happened to
our Led Zeppelin poster?Copy !req
175. Oh! I put up
the Captain and Tennille instead.Copy !req
176. No, no, no, no.
No way...Copy !req
177. is my Led Zeppelin becoming
the Captain and Tennille.Copy !req
178. Led Zeppelin wishes
they could be the Captain and Tennille.Copy !req
179. What did you say?Copy !req
180. Hey, Donna. Um, I need to
talk to you for a second.Copy !req
181. - Um...Copy !req
182. I have been thinking
all day-Copy !req
183. About your eyes.Copy !req
184. What?Copy !req
185. Yeah, your eyes. They're so beautiful
and shiny. You now what else is shiny?Copy !req
186. This diamond ring, which has to go
back to the store because it isn't paid for.Copy !req
187. Because you can put a price tag
on a ring, but, you know...Copy !req
188. who can put a price tag on your eyes?Copy !req
189. Only God, that's who.Copy !req
190. - You're taking back my ring?
- Yeah. I'm sorry.Copy !req
191. L-Copy !req
192. Man, I wish there were another way,
but my dad won't let me have a job, and-Copy !req
193. I mean, I can't make the payments.Copy !req
194. God, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
195. Oh, it's okay, Eric.Copy !req
196. I mean, it doesn't change the way we feel
about each other.Copy !req
197. As long as we have that,
I don't need a silly ring.Copy !req
198. Um, Donna...Copy !req
199. you didn't give me the ring.Copy !req
200. Yeah, l- I thought
you'd think I did.Copy !req
201. All right.Copy !req
202. Donna, I promise.Copy !req
203. - I'm gonna make this up to you.
- 'Kay.Copy !req
204. Um, Donna, you gave me a quarter.Copy !req
205. Mmm, fine.Copy !req
206. Hello, Mr. Forman.
And you.Copy !req
207. - Shut your filthy mouth!Copy !req
208. Look, here it is.
Here's the ring back.Copy !req
209. - Oh, honey, that's paid for.
- What?Copy !req
210. Someone came in and paid
through the end of next month.Copy !req
211. I'm not supposed to say who,
but she sure was a pretty little number.Copy !req
212. I guess.Copy !req
213. You know what?
It was Donna.Copy !req
214. I can't believe she'd go
behind my back like this!Copy !req
215. I cannot believe that this man
would go behind my back...Copy !req
216. and take what was given
to me by God himself.Copy !req
217. All right. What happened
between you two anyway?Copy !req
218. I'm too much of a man to say.Copy !req
219. But it involved a half-off sale...Copy !req
220. a crowded parking lot, and a pair of pants
to make my ass look like an oil painting.Copy !req
221. If you mean, "old and cracked,"
then I agree!Copy !req
222. - I'll see you in hell!
- Well, I'll be wearing your pants!Copy !req
223. Okay, I'm feeling a little
"in the way" here...Copy !req
224. so- I'm ju- I'm-Copy !req
225. Oh, Roy. Hey, how's it goin'
with that hotel chick...Copy !req
226. that was all over you,
asking for butter?Copy !req
227. Well, I had this idea
to surprise her with flowers?Copy !req
228. But when I did, she started
screamin' and hittin' me.Copy !req
229. And I guess the lesson is,
don't hide in someone's shower.Copy !req
230. I don't know what's
wrong with chicks, man.Copy !req
231. If I came home and some strange girl
was in my shower...Copy !req
232. that would be
the greatest day of my life!Copy !req
233. Yeah!Copy !req
234. - So, w-what are you doin'?
- Oh, Hyde's makin' me do his laundry.Copy !req
235. Then after this, I gotta clean out
the toilets and hand-test all the mousetraps.Copy !req
236. This probation period is killin' me.Copy !req
237. Did Hyde tell you there
was a probation period?Copy !req
238. Aw, man!Copy !req
239. That guy really knows
how to enjoy life!Copy !req
240. Wait. You mean, Hyde's
just messin' with me?Copy !req
241. - I don't have to worry about gettin' fired?
- If I didn't get fired...Copy !req
242. for hidin' in some woman's shower,
I think your job's secure.Copy !req
243. Hey, guys. Kelso, be careful, huh?
Some of those T-shirts are delicate.Copy !req
244. Oh, I'm- I'm sorry, man.
I'll be extra careful.Copy !req
245. I wouldn't want to do anything
to screw up my probation period!Copy !req
246. Hey! I wanna play! Ah!Copy !req
247. Come on, buddy.
Somebody spray me.Copy !req
248. Hey, Hyde. Maybe you could
use these to dry off with.Copy !req
249. Probation period!Copy !req
250. Jackie read my diary, Mrs. Forman.Copy !req
251. And she even wrote
little comments inside.Copy !req
252. Yeah. Like, "Oh!
This could never happen."Copy !req
253. And-And, "Donna, that guy
was whistling at me, not you."Copy !req
254. I can't take it anymore!
I'm kicking her out.Copy !req
255. But, Donna, the poor girl
has nowhere to stay.Copy !req
256. She can't stay here!Copy !req
257. She can't stay anywhere near here.Copy !req
258. Bob was in our shower again.Copy !req
259. This morning, I pulled something
out of our drain...Copy !req
260. that I could not believe
came off a human body.Copy !req
261. Oh! Donna. There you are. Okay, look.
We have to talk about your makeup collection.Copy !req
262. ChapStick is not lipstick.Copy !req
263. Jackie, sit down. Look. We need to talk
about you and me living together.Copy !req
264. - Donna!
- Because it's just-Copy !req
265. I just came from the jewelry store.
You can't pay for your own engagement ring!Copy !req
266. This ring is from me to you,
not from me to you, paid for by you.Copy !req
267. That's like cutting off
my bal-Copy !req
268. lerina shoes.Copy !req
269. - I didn't pay for the ring.
- Fenton at the jewelry store
said a pretty little number-Copy !req
270. Oh, my God. Mom?
You're the pretty little number.Copy !req
271. Well, l- I do like hearing that...Copy !req
272. once in a while.Copy !req
273. - But i-i-it wasn't me.
- Well, I don't know, Dad...Copy !req
274. some men might consider you-Copy !req
275. - You just can't stop talkin', can you?
- Eric, I paid for the ring.Copy !req
276. - What?
- What?Copy !req
277. Look, Donna, I read in your diary...Copy !req
278. that you think I'm kind of
hard to live with, and...Copy !req
279. well, I realized you were right.Copy !req
280. And I wanted to show you
that I know, and I'm sorry.Copy !req
281. - And, well, thank you.
- Huh.Copy !req
282. Well, gosh, Jackie,
how very sweet, and...Copy !req
283. uncharacteristic of you.Copy !req
284. Well, I know how much
you love that ring...Copy !req
285. and I wanted to do something nice.Copy !req
286. - Wow, thanks.Copy !req
287. You know, Jackie, some people,
if they want to be nice...Copy !req
288. they just actually start being nicer
on a day-to-day basis.Copy !req
289. Yeah, I figured it'd be
easier to write a check.Copy !req
290. - Jackie! Jackie!
- Hmm?Copy !req
291. I heard something underneath my bed.Copy !req
292. - Fez?
- Meow!Copy !req
293. Fez, the cat's outside.Copy !req
294. Woof, woof?Copy !req
295. Please, let me stay.
I promise I won't make a sound.Copy !req
296. Well, I do make some sounds,
but they're happy sounds!Copy !req