1. Of all the dumb-ass stunts
you kids ever pulled...
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2. this little California adventure
takes the dumb-ass cake!
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3. We are very disappointed
in you, Eric.
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4. Even though going to California
to rescue Donna...
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5. is one of the most romantic
things I've ever heard of.
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6. That's true. If he had gone by horse,
they would have made it a movie.
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7. Look, Mr. Forman...
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8. before you get all...
scary and pink...
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9. I just want to say that...
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10. running away to California
was completely selfish and immature.
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11. And, as for me, as long as I live
under your roof and eat your food...
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12. I should be
doing things your way.
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13. What a load of crap!
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14. You two are not above the law.
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15. Now, Eric, hand over the keys
to the Vista Cruiser.
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16. What? Dad, no.
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17. The Cruiser's my Batmobile.
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18. Without it,
I'm just a guy in a silly outfit.
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19. Now, Eric.
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20. A little time apart will
do you kids some good.
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21. So, Donna, I transferred you
to the Catholic high school-
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22. Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
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23. - What?
- That's right. You're starting this week...
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24. so you better get out
your Bible and brush up...
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25. on your Ten Commandments
and that thing about the dwarfs.
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26. - What the hell?
- Fez!
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27. Wait a second.
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28. You two look sweaty and guilty.
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29. Have you been eating my candy?
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30. - What candy?
- I didn't say "candy."
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31. And I certainly don't have
any candy hidden in the garage.
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32. I will be in the garage.
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33. Oh, God. Steven,
that was way too close.
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34. You need to learn to keep
your hands off me.
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35. Me? You're the one who can't
keep her tongue to herself.
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36. Please. I let you fool around with me
out of pity.
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37. You know what your problem is?
You're really cute...
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38. so no one ever told you
to shut your piehole.
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39. You think I'm cute?
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40. Shut your piehole!
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41. Hello, Wisconsin!
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42. Oh, Catholic school?
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43. That's rough.
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44. - Yeah, my dad took away my slingshot-
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45. so I'm feeling it pretty bad too.
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46. What were you guys doing?
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47. Uh, we're just watching, uh-
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48. This old lady's eatin' a fish.
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49. Look, Jackie...
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50. we've been avoiding each other.
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51. I think it's time we hash
this thing out.
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52. It's okay. I'm good.
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53. I can see you're devastated
over losing me.
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54. You know what, Michael?
I'm fine. Really.
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55. You sound brave.
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56. But inside
you're a scrambled mess.
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57. Just remember this.
I'll always be there for you...
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58. in case you have
any physical needs, all right?
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59. Damn, Hyde.
What was that for?
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60. I just missed you, man.
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61. Wait. Donna, you're actually
gonna go to Catholic school?
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62. Not just Catholic school-
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63. Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow.
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64. That means "sad forever."
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65. Eric, we're never even
gonna see each other.
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66. Yeah, I know.
And I can't even drive you to school.
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67. And we can forget about
any lunchtime hokey-pokey.
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68. That's what it's all about.
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69. Man, it sucks not having a car.
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70. Well, I'm gonna go drive mine.
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71. - Catch you guys later.
- Wait, wait, Steven. Where are you going?
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72. - What do you care?
- I don't.
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73. - Um...
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74. you know, I just remembered...
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75. that I have to go to the mall...
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76. because they're having this
big Monday Madness sale.
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77. Jackie? It's Tuesday.
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78. See? Total madness!
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79. Poor kid, trying to replace me with shopping.
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80. Eric, what are we gonna do?
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81. I mean, if I go to this school,
our senior year is ruined.
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82. I mean, we're not even
gonna graduate together.
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83. You know what? Bob is not sending you
to that Catholic school.
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84. Now we're gonna sit down,
we're gonna figure out what we're gonna do.
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85. Guys? Let's get serious.
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86. It's simple.
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87. I'm gonna march over there
and talk to Bob.
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88. I love a good march.
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89. My birthday is in March.
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90. And then it's on to April.
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91. April showers.
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92. Oh! The Seduction
of Eric Forman...
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93. starring in the insatiable
April Showers.
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94. Are you really gonna
go talk to my dad for me?
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95. Eric, you're so sweet
and brave.
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96. Pound for pound, you're like the bravest guy
in the whole world.
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97. I love you so much!
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98. Well, my candy is safe.
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99. But something was up
with Jackie.
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100. She looked scared- like a deer
in the headlights with his pants down.
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101. Man, I feel sorry forJackie.
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102. I mean, to have to look at this all day
and not be able to touch it?
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103. I can't even do that!
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104. - I love you.
- I love you more.
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105. Sexy.
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106. Hey! You two quit it!
Okay? This circle is sacred.
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107. You don't do anything in here
that you wouldn't do in a church!
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108. No, wait.
In a cemetery.
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109. Wait.
In the teachers' lounge.
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110. Man, I've done it
everywhere.
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111. - Okay. This is my Michael box.
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112. I saved everything
that loser ever gave me.
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113. Hmm.
One-year anniversary.
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114. What a moron!
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115. Well, you know, I guess
Kelso's really history for you.
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116. I never thought that'd happen
till you met someone else.
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117. You met someone else!
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118. What?
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119. Someone else? That's crazy!
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120. You're crazy.
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121. Shut your piehole!
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122. - Hey, check it out.
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123. I was at the bakery, and this crumb cake
came fresh out of the oven.
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124. And when I think crumb cake,
I think Bob.
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125. Uh-huh.
What do you want?
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126. I want to talk to you about Donna
and that Catholic school.
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127. Crumb cake isn't gonna
get me to change my mind.
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128. Are you sure?
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129. Those are real crumbs.
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130. She's going to that school,
and that's final.
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131. Okay. Fine.
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132. But know this. I am prepared to fight this
with every fiber of my being.
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133. On the other hand...
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134. you-you can't put a price
on a good education.
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135. I can't believe they're making you wear
those knee-high socks every day.
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136. What the hell?
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137. Oh, my God!
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138. I'm blind!
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139. - Jackie!
- Get off me!
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140. Great outfit!
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141. Okay, so, um,
what exactly did you see?
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142. Hands, tongues.
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143. Yours, his.
It was horrible!
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144. You were like Siamese twins
joined at the beard.
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145. Hey, it was her fault, man.
She threw herself at me.
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146. No, no.
You were on top of me.
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147. You pulled me.
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148. I've done a lot of partying,
so, you know...
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149. my balance is off.
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150. This is impossible.
You two hate each other.
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151. - Kelso is gonna freak out!
- Kelso!
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152. Settle down, Esmeralda.
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153. Kelso doesn't need
to know about this.
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154. Yeah, look, it's just a meaningless fling, okay?
We can stop whenever we want.
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155. - Well, then maybe you should.
- Why do you even care?
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156. Because you're breaking up
the band, Yoko!
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157. Well, naughty ladies wear plaid.
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158. Fez, please.
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159. That's right.
Beg for it, sexy schoolgirl.
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160. Fez, we just caught
these two Frenching...
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161. like a couple of French people
at a Frenching festival.
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162. What? That's impossible.
You two hate each other.
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163. I said-
I just said that.
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164. Okay, you are gonna tell us
how this happened right now.
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165. Ooh, I like it when you
order me around in that uniform.
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166. Okay, fine.
Look, I'll just tell you what happened.
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167. It was a few weeks
after Donna and Michael left...
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168. and Steven invited me over
to listen to a new record.
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169. I'm glad you're here.
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170. Check it out.
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171. Isn't it the coolest?
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172. Don't you just wanna shake it?
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173. - Wait. Time out on the fiield.
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174. I don't shake it,
and I don't listen to ABBA.
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175. Whatever. It's my story.
Anyway-
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176. I could totally tell
he was trying to make a move.
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177. Then he held me real close
and said-
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178. May I kiss you, milady?
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179. Hyde, I had no idea
you could be so formal.
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180. Come on.
She's so full of crap.
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181. Then why don't you tell us
what really happened, milady?
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182. Fine. Fine, okay?
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183. So I'm hanging out in the basement
like I usually do...
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184. when Jackie showed up.
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185. - It was obvious she wanted me.
- I want you.
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186. That's obvious.
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187. God, that's crazy.
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188. No, you so came on
to me first.
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189. You said that you
didn't have a new boyfriend.
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190. - He is not my boyfriend.
- I'm not her boyfriend. They just don't get it.
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191. No. Why would they?
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192. Let's go, baby.
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193. I'm leaving too.
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194. This basement's
tainted for me now.
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195. Well, I still want to know
how the hell all this happened.
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196. Another old lady.
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197. She can't even reach the wheel!
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198. I can't watch The Price is Right again.
I just can't.
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199. - God, the summer totally sucks.
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200. - There's nothing to do.
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201. I bid one dollar, Bob.
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202. Hey. I'm gonna take
Donna to school.
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203. Oh! That's right.
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204. Dad took away my car when I did
that really super-romantic thing.
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205. Well, I guess we were
only reunited just to be...
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206. ripped apart again.
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207. Like Romeo and Juliet.
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208. You know...
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209. why don't you take
the car this one time?
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210. It'll be our little secret.
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211. - Okay.
- Okay. Shh!
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212. Where do you think
you're going?
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213. Mom said I could.
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214. - You just bought yourself another week, kiddo.
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215. Look, Dad, I need my car.
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216. Don't you remember when
you were in high school?
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217. I bet you had
some good times...
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218. driving around senior year
with your friends.
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219. My senior year,
I was driving a gunboat around Okinawa.
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220. And if you count
theJapanese snipers as my friends...
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221. then, yes,
I had some good times.
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222. You have to understand,
Eric.
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223. It's not that your father's
trying to be a bad guy.
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224. It's just that he's been
irreparably damaged by war.
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225. I'm just sick of you doing
whatever the hell you want.
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226. Your father and I feel that you're not
taking yourself seriously.
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227. - Hmm.
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228. You are such
a talented young man.
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229. - Eric!
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230. Oh. Uh, yeah.
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231. Forget about the car.
I gotta go.
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232. Oh, look how cute
in her little uniform!
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233. I'm gonna have to lock him in his room
and poke his eyes out.
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234. - Here's what I don't get about Fantasy Island.
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235. You know when you get off the plane,
and you see Mr. Roarke...
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236. and that little kid
in the white suit?
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237. Well, if it's me, I'm like,
"This is creepy," right?
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238. So I just grab
a free daiquiri...
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239. and I'm out of there.
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240. - Whoa!
- Whoa!
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241. Grow up. It's just a uniform.
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242. - Sorry.
- You're right. I'm sorry.
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243. Oh!
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244. Oh!
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245. Man, that was totally
worth waiting for.
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246. - I agree. Now we can go.
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247. How was your first day?
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248. Grim. This nun totally
spanked me with a ruler.
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249. Yet another reason
I wish I was a ruler.
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250. - Wait a minute!
- Weird!
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251. Okay. Now you guys
are sitting together?
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252. Oh, my God.
You guys aren't just fooling around.
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253. You care about her.
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254. I do not.
She sickens me.
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255. No. No, no. I'm the one
who's sickened, okay?
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256. I'm not supposed to be seen
with scruffy guys like you.
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257. I date guys I can take out
in public.
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258. Yet you continue
with this abomination!
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259. You know, you guys
have to tell Kelso.
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260. Or we'll tell Kelso.
Shall we?
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261. Wait. No, no, no.
Okay, guys. Look.
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262. What if we just
break it off right now?
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263. - Then he never has to know.
- Really?
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264. Look, there's nothing to even break off,
so it's fine by me.
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265. Yes.
This is what I want to hear.
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266. It'll be like it never happened.
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267. Donna, come.
Let us leave this unholy thing behind.
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268. Steven, do I really sicken you?
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269. No.
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270. I sicken me because you're supposed
to sicken me, but you don't.
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271. Well, I feel the same way.
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272. I mean, I like
how scruffy you are.
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273. Of course you do.
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274. Man, you know what? Screw it.
Let's just do what we want, okay?
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275. - Okay. What about Michael?
- Details, baby. Details.
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276. So, uh, how's that uniform
working out for you?
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277. Stop!
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278. Do you- Do you feel like a good girl
that just can't help being bad?
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279. Be bad, Donna.
I won't tell.
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280. Eric, it's not funny.
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281. I actually have to go
to this school every day now.
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282. Without-Without you.
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283. Okay, so, you know what?
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284. We'll see each other nights
and weekends...
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285. and I'll come visit you at school.
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286. I mean, I still have a bike.
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287. Eric, it's, like, 10 miles away.
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288. Ten- So what?
These legs were made for pedalin'.
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289. Come on.
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290. - You've seen my thighs.
- Yeah.
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291. You're a good boyfriend.
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292. "You're a good boyfriend" who?
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293. I'm not calling you
Principal Forman.
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294. Don't make me get
the ruler, young lady.
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295. Red can take Eric's car,
but he can have my car candy...
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296. when he pries it from
my cold, dead fingers.
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297. - You were right. Ten miles is nothing.
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298. Will you pick me up
from school every day?
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299. Sure.
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300. Uh, which-which arm hurts
when you're about to have a heart attack?
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301. Help!
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