1. Hey, Mrs. Forman.
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2. My dad's making a cheese sandwich,
but he's missing some stuff.
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3. So, can I borrow
bread and cheese?
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4. Oh, your dad's having a hard time
without your mom, isn't he?
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5. Midge was the brains of that outfit?
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6. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, Donna.
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7. - Sorry about what?
- You, get Donna bread and cheese.
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8. Okay.
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9. Wow. This is a really nice dress.
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10. I know. Isn't it fancy?
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11. It's for the Price Mart Ball
tomorrow night.
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12. Oh, right, the Price Mart Ball.
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13. So who you takin'?
Who's the lucky lady?
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14. Oh, well, I decided not to go.
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15. Personal choice.
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16. You don't have a date, do you?
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17. Okay. You know what?
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18. It's not about, "Can I get a date?"
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19. It's about this great book that I'm,
like, halfway through.
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20. Plus, you know, I could get a date.
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21. I've got numbers, buddy.
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22. Sure you do, honey.
You're number one with me.
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23. You're going tomorrow night.
And you'd better not go stag, Eric.
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24. There's nothing worse than an 80-pound boy
dancing with his mommy all night.
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25. You know what?
I'll go.
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26. I told you I would,
like, months ago.
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27. But that was before the...
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28. ugliness.
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29. Eric, I'm over it.
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30. Hey, I'm over it.
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31. Oh, I'm... I'm over it.
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32. Plus, I mean, last year they had
all-you-can-eat shrimp.
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33. Well, I mean, you know, I'm over it.
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34. Hey, I'm over it.
Yeah, I'm over it.
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35. I was just worried that you might think
it was weird, us going out on a date.
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36. So, I mean, you know,
the concern laid with you.
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37. Eric, it's not a date.
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38. It's not... I know. I know it's not a date.
It's not a date.
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39. It's a...
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40. shrimp fest.
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41. A festival of shrimp, if you will.
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42. - Exactly.
- Okay.
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43. - I'll see you tomorrow night.
- 'Kay.
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44. See, now, look.
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45. My little prince is going to the ball.
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46. So, Forman, you break up with Donna...
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47. but you still get to have sex
and go on dates with her?
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48. Ride the big red wave, dude.
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49. I should break up with Donna.
"Donna, we are through.
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50. Let the sex and dating begin."
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51. Oh, no. It's not a date.
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52. We're just friends now,
because she's over it.
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53. - Well, guess who else is over it?
- I am.
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54. - Me too.
- So over it.
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55. Look, man, breaking up sucks, okay?
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56. When Jackie dumped me,
you know what she said?
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57. "Somethin' somethin'.
Never wanna see you again.
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58. Blah, blah, blah."
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59. Hey, you think that didn't hurt?
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60. Okay. You know what?
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61. - I'm done talking about this.
- Good.
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62. But I will say this.
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63. If she doesn't want it to be a date,
then it won't be a date.
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64. I am so cool with that,
because as we all know...
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65. I am very mature.
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66. Now, if you would all
please excuse me...
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67. my mommy has to iron my corduroys.
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68. Ah, women.
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69. Am I right, guys?
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70. Ah, who am I kidding?
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71. There's no woman for Fez.
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72. What must Fez do to get a woman?
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73. Well, for one thing,
he's gotta cut out that third-person crap.
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74. It's weird.
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75. You are Fez.
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76. You know somethin' else?
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77. Shoes say a lot about a man.
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78. In your case, your chukka boots
are screaming "virgin."
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79. Damn you, boots.
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80. What else have you told them?
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81. Hey, Fez...
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82. seeing you wear those chukkas
makes me wanna up-chukka.
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83. - Nice.
- Yeah.
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84. It's like I ate too many
"chukkalate" chip cookies.
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85. Okay.
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86. Yeah, how much wood
could a "woodchukka" chukka...
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87. Hey. Shut the chukka up.
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88. How am I supposed
to afford new boots?
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89. My Bible-thumping host parents won't give me
an allowance because I am a pagan.
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90. You know, Leo's looking
for help down at the Fotohut.
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91. The Fotohut, huh?
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92. I can really "picture" myself there.
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93. That job and I will really "click."
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94. Oh, I am on a "roll"...
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95. of film.
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96. Ow.
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97. Don't be so... "negative."
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98. I am the king.
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99. You sure you wanna get in
the Fotohut game?
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100. It can chew you up and spit you out
like a stick of gum.
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101. Or something that seemed edible
till you put it in your mouth...
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102. and then you realized it's not.
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103. Or a stick of gum.
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104. - What kind of gum?
- Big Red.
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105. Oh, that's fine.
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106. Okay, you're hired.
But you're on probation.
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107. No, wait. I'm on probation.
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108. Oh, wow. I gotta go see
my probation officer.
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109. - So he's my new boss?
- Welcome to paradise.
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110. Oh, Red.
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111. Don't the kids look nice
for their date?
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112. Yeah. Nice as hell.
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113. - Oh, well, thanks, Mrs. Forman.
- Actually, Mom...
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114. as Donna so thoughtfully pointed out earlier,
this isn't a date.
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115. Well, I just...
I like seeing you together.
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116. You just... You look so natural.
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117. But we're not together.
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118. Well, sure you are.
I'm looking right at you.
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119. Let's spend the night in the driveway
looking at the kids.
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120. That's what I wanna do.
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121. Oh, hang on one sec.
Oh, hey, Donna?
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122. Why don't you make like a circle
and go round, okay?
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123. That's right. Like a circle.
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124. Slide over or I'll hit you in the head.
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125. All right.
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126. - You got yelled at.
- Shut up.
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127. Oh, okay, this is us.
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128. See? This is great.
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129. Being out together,
not on a date, just friends.
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130. I feel, like, virtually nothing for you.
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131. Me too. Here. Let's have a seat.
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132. Here you go.
Oh, whoops. Not a date.
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133. - Eric!
- I'm sorry.
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134. Okay, uh, minor glitch.
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135. Let's let the good times roll.
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136. Isn't this nice?
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137. Okay, Kitty. Enough jawin'.
Drinks are only free for the first two hours.
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138. Oh, do you think
they have peach schnapps?
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139. Peach is my favorite schnapp.
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140. Hi. I'm Lyle, Housewares manager in Oshkosh.
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141. Hi. Eric, stock boy, Point Place.
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142. And this is my friend...
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143. Donna.
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144. We're not on a date, even though, I mean...
even though I did pay for her.
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145. But what can you do?
Tell me, Lyle. Are you here on a real date?
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146. Uh... Hey, that's Stewie. Stewie.
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147. Nice going. Scared off Lyle.
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148. Now we'll never meet Stewie.
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149. Eric, what is wrong with you?
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150. Hey, guy. Put your arm
around your date.
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151. - Oh, no, she's not my date...
- Oh, just shut up and take the picture.
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152. Ta-da!
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153. Quittin' time, chief?
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154. No.
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155. I devised a system
to streamline our operations.
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156. From now on, all orders
will be filed alphabetically.
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157. So the size of a customer's boobs?
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158. No longer a factor.
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159. You see, it saves time.
And time, my friend, is money.
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160. But money is not time.
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161. You'd think it would go both ways,
but it doesn't.
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162. Hey, Moby Dick called.
He wants his shrimp back.
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163. It's those hilarious jokes that
I miss so much since we broke up.
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164. So, uh...
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165. should I get us some punch or...
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166. Wait. Do you get the punch? Oh, no.
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167. How do we get the punch?
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168. Eric, stop it. You're being an ass.
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169. Well, why don't you just,
you know, get over it?
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170. I only said that because
I wanna be friends again.
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171. I mean, I wish we could pretend that
we were never boyfriend and girlfriend...
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172. and just, you know, be friends.
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173. Donna, it's hard.
It's not like being friends with Hyde, okay?
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174. I haven't, you know...
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175. touched his fun parts...
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176. well, on purpose.
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177. - We used to have a lot fun together.
- Yeah.
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178. Just like there used to be
shrimp in the world.
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179. - Okay.
- Hmm.
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180. Okay, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.
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181. When I get back, we're gonna
have a lot of fun together.
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182. - Okay.
- Okay.
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183. Hello.
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184. Hi, I'm Connie.
Pet Supplies, Sheboygan.
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185. You, uh, wanna dance?
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186. Oh, uh...
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187. Yeah, I'm kind of here
with someone so...
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188. Okay. Well, um,
maybe I'll see you around.
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189. Okay.
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190. - What the hell is wrong with you?
- Okay, you hurt my arm.
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191. She was a real looker.
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192. And for some reason
she talked to you.
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193. - Now go get her.
- What? No.
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194. Dad, Donna's here.
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195. Well, Donna's off having fun
while you're sittin' here being a big lump.
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196. Okay, first of all...
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197. you are way too involved
with my life, okay?
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198. And second of all, Donna's not having fun.
She's in the bathroom.
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199. That's not the bathroom.
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200. Now, go talk to that girl
before she comes to her senses...
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201. and wants nothing
to do with you.
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202. Oh, God. Your mother's doing shots
with Gladys from Housewares.
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203. Kitty, put it down.
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204. My wife left me. I don't cook.
I don't shop. I'm hungry.
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205. This place scares me,
and I like Salisbury steak.
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206. So you don't cook or shop,
and your idea of a nice meal...
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207. is gristly hamburger
smothered in goo?
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208. What woman could
let all that go?
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209. Hey, I've got an upside.
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210. Th-There are things.
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211. I know. You're a good guy...
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212. a good, old-fashioned,
out-of-touch, Stone Age guy.
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213. But, you know, there's
nothing wrong with you...
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214. that changing yourself
completely couldn't fix.
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215. Thank you.
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216. Here. In the meantime,
have a pretzel.
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217. - I can tell you haven't eaten anything.
- I am pretty hungry.
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218. Oh, never shop when you're hungry...
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219. 'cause you'll end up at home
with 15 Salisbury steaks.
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220. Give me those.
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221. See, the problem is
I have a daughter at home.
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222. I think I'm gonna
have to start feeding her.
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223. I don't think I can do this.
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224. Of course you can't.
Lucky for you, I'm here.
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225. Now we just gotta find everything
you need to make a meat loaf.
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226. Wow. You're gonna
make me a meat loaf?
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227. No. You're gonna
make me a meat loaf.
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228. Okay, but sometimes
I burn myself on the oven.
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229. - I'm, uh... I'm Bob.
- Joanne.
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230. Now haul ass, Bob.
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231. - Oh.
- Oop. Oh, sorry. Sorry.
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232. Oh, Donna. Oh, oh.
So, are you having fun at the big ball?
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233. Um, yeah. You know,
at first I wasn't.
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234. - Eric was being really jerky and weird.
- Uh-huh.
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235. Well, he does that.
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236. If he gets me a glass of punch,
it's not like we have to sleep together.
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237. Well, it would have to be
pretty good punch.
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238. They have an open bar.
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239. Uh! I just wish Eric could relax.
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240. Well, um, I think he can.
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241. Oh. Oh. Oh, good for him.
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242. I'm... I'm glad.
He's dancing with a beautiful...
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243. skank!
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244. Well, I will say this
about Price Mart:
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245. They have wonderful balls.
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246. Red, grab that centerpiece.
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247. Oh, hey. Here's another.
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248. Donna, honey, grab that centerpiece.
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249. Kitty, how many centerpieces do we need?
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250. Red, they are center pieces!
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251. - Okay, so don't lose my number, all right?
- All right.
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252. Eric, what the hell?
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253. - What?
- Why are you kissing her?
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254. - You're on a date with me.
- It wasn't a date.
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255. Well, it is now, you bastard!
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256. Now come open my car door for me
before I kick your ass!
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257. The Fotohut's cool.
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258. Hyde, your job kicks ass.
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259. Yeah. I never thought
I'd be a workingman, man.
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260. But, man, here I am...
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261. working for the man.
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262. And you know what, man?
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263. I like the man.
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264. Hey, thanks, man.
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265. So, my probation officer
was sure happy I came by.
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266. He even wants to see me
for some additional years.
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267. He's a good guy.
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268. Ugly, fat, whorey, old...
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269. whorey, old, four-eyes, ugly, fat.
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270. Oh, this one's kinda cute.
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271. I mean, for a fatty.
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272. I mean, for a whore?
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273. Damn, Jackie! What do you want me to say?
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274. That's it. I cannot work like this.
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275. Anyone who doesn't
have to be here must leave.
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276. - Fez...
- I said, leave.
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277. Damn, Fez. You've only
been here one day...
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278. and you're already trying
to change everything.
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279. Yeah. It's like we crossed into
some different dimension...
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280. where we're in some kind of...
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281. Fotohut.
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282. It's eerie, man.
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283. And then you encourage him
and what happens?
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284. He ends up kissing a girl
while he's on a date with another girl.
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285. Once again, an open bar spells disaster
for the Forman family.
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286. Red, I am not drunk.
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287. I am upset...
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288. and drunk.
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289. All I know is that is not the way
to behave on a date.
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290. It wasn't a date.
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291. Oh, please.
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292. Good morning.
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293. No. It was morning
when I got here, on time.
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294. Now, put this on.
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295. Clever, huh? Yes, very.
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296. Fez...
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297. Working here is about goofing off...
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298. you know, creating a model of inefficiency.
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299. You're ruining the Fotohut, man.
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300. And if you think I'm gonna stand idly by...
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301. you're right, 'cause that's what I do here.
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302. Oh, Hyde, you're here early.
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303. Oh, slick uniform, man.
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304. Is that how you spell Fotohut?
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305. Yes, but Hyde won't wear it.
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306. - Something's gotta change around here, man.
- Amen.
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307. I don't like what's goin' on here, man.
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308. That little dude's
making us all look bad.
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309. - I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.
- Leo, you are the boss.
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310. Did you fire him yet?
I'll take his shifts.
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311. Hey, dude, man.
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312. I think we decided
that you're fired.
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313. Oh.
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314. Well, that's a cold slap in the groin.
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315. How am I supposed to afford
my new boots?
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316. Here. Just do what I do, man.
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317. Just get some money out of the register
when the boss isn't lookin'.
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318. Once again, Leo, you are the boss.
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319. And I'm not lookin'.
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320. - Hey, kissy-face.
- Ah, well.
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321. If it isn't...
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322. Kooky McShrimplover,
who doesn't know how she feels.
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323. Comin' over here like everything's normal
and nothin' happened last night.
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324. Yep. That's my Kooky McShrimplover.
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325. I know. I freaked out. I'm sorry.
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326. Well, that's a first.
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327. Well, this is complicated, okay?
I mean, we do wanna be friends, right?
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328. Yeah. I don't wanna be nothing.
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329. Okay. Well, then,
maybe some rules will help.
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330. Like, when we're out on a date
that's not a date...
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331. - we can't make out with slutty girls.
- Uh-huh.
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332. Or that could just
be a rule for me.
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333. Yeah, I mean, Donna, feel free...
No. Feel encouraged...
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334. to make out with all
the slutty girls you want.
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335. What is this?
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336. Is this...
Kissy girl's phone number?
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337. Uh-huh.
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338. Okay, see ya.
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339. I got it. Her phone number is 729-36.
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340. I think there are a couple
more numbers than that.
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341. Really? Oh, yeah.
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342. It's 729-36...
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343. ampersand?
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344. Maybe, but I just don't
really know how to dial that.
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345. Just... Oh, yeah. That'd be hard.
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