1. - Good morning. I have terrible news.
- Are we out of bacon?
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2. - No. I was outside, and...
- Remember that time we were out of bacon?
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3. Do I?
Nearly tore this family apart.
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4. Listen to me!
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5. Midge left Bob.
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6. Are you sure? I mean, maybe
she's just lost in the backyard.
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7. This is serious. I was up early, and I saw
Midge getting into her car with a suitcase.
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8. And I said, "Where are you going, Midge?"
Because I'm concerned, not nosy.
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9. And she said to me, "I am leaving
Bob, and I am never coming back."
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10. And I said, "Okay."
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11. And then I... I... I laughed like I do
when I'm uncomfortable.
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12. But... what about Donna?
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13. I mean, what are they gonna do?
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14. Well, okay.
They are going to depend...
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15. on the kindness of their friends
and neighbors...
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16. which is why we need to go over there
as a family to comfort them.
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17. - Yikes. No.
- I don't think so.
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18. - Why not?
- Well, it just seems like it'd be...
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19. like there'd be an awful lot of...
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20. - Crying.
- Yeah.
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21. - So, no.
- Yeah, no.
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22. Well, fine.
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23. Then I will go myself.
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24. Hey! Where are you
going with my food?
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25. To Bob and Donna.
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26. When your wife or mother leaves you,
you need a good breakfast.
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27. I need a good breakfast.
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28. I didn't leave you.
Eat a Pop-Tart.
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29. When I woke up, her bag
was packed and she left.
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30. Didn't even say where she was going.
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31. On the other hand...
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32. we have pancakes with egg eyes
and bacon smiley faces!
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33. The hash-brown hair is nice.
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34. I can't believe she would just take off
without even a hint or a warning.
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35. No warning?
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36. Dad, she was always saying,
"I'm unhappy, and I'm gonna leave."
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37. Honey, that's just
what married people say.
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38. Did she say where she was going?
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39. Well, she said she was
going to California to...
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40. to be a star on Broadway.
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41. So...
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42. Oh, Midgie.
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43. She may not have been smart...
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44. but she sure was sweet.
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45. And built too, boy.
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46. Okay.
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47. Thanks, Mrs. Forman,
but I'm really not hungry.
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48. Oh, what a nightmare.
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49. She was unhappy, Bob.
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50. No, she took the Eldorado.
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51. So Midge just took off?
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52. Ah, poor Donna.
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53. Yeah, this is really bad.
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54. Yeah, not only did Donna
lose her mom...
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55. we all lost Midge's sweet, uptown rack.
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56. Oh, good God, man,
what a marvelous set of kittens.
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57. - Remember that sweater?
- Oh.
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58. Remember the other sweater?
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59. Yeah. Remember that time
she ran up to us in a sweater?
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60. Remember the week
she took up jump rope?
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61. In a sweater?
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62. Eric!
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63. What are you boys
thinking about so hard?
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64. - Nothing.
- Homework.
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65. - Jesus.
- Kittens.
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66. Okay, um, Eric, I need you
to take a casserole to the Pinciottis.
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67. So run upstairs and put on
a nice, clean shirt and a sport coat.
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68. What?
No, I'm not going over there.
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69. Donna and I broke up,
and things are weird with us.
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70. Well, that's too bad.
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71. Because I went over there,
and Bob's a crier...
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72. and a hugger.
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73. And when you get caught
in a crying-Bob hug, there is no escape.
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74. And I cannot go back over there!
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75. I don't know.
I like to be hugged by Bob.
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76. He makes me feel safe.
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77. Okay, okay, there he is.
Go talk to him.
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78. No, Kitty.
It's a personal matter, and I... Oh!
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79. That's mature.
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80. Oh, hey there, Red!
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81. Hi, Bob.
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82. What a day, huh?
What a day to be alive.
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83. I feel great.
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84. You do?
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85. Well, then...
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86. I can go back inside.
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87. Bye.
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88. Yup, Midgie's been on me
for weeks to weed the garden.
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89. I'm finally gettin' around to it, so when she
comes back, she's gonna see that I did it.
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90. You think she's coming back?
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91. Well, why shouldn't she?
I did all the right things.
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92. We had an open marriage,
experimented with drugs.
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93. I even threw nudist parties.
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94. Yeah, what more could a husband do?
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95. All right. Let's not get
bummed out, guys, okay?
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96. There are a lot of other hot older women
out there besides Midge.
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97. And they deserve our respect,
'cause they can teach us stuff.
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98. Yes, I would love to make love
to an 80-year-old.
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99. They must know everything.
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100. And not just about sex,
but history and trivia too.
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101. Yeah.
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102. The young ones are too timid,
but the older ones...
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103. They know it won't break.
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104. How could it break?
It is invincible.
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105. Yeah, and plus,
they're, like, grateful...
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106. you know, so they'll do it with,
like, almost anybody.
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107. Anybody?
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108. Well, that's me!
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109. Let's find Fez
a dirty housewife to love.
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110. Yeah, man, I'm in.
Hyde?
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111. I don't know, guys.
I was gonna go watch Donahue.
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112. What do you think the chances are
of Fez gettin' burned?
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113. - Pretty good.
- Damn good.
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114. Then I am in.
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115. - Hey.
- Hey.
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116. So...
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117. hey, look, I'm really
sorry about your mom.
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118. And, uh, I mean, are you okay?
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119. I don't know.
It's weird.
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120. Yeah, well, you know,
it won't make you feel any better...
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121. but for some reason
I brought you a casserole.
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122. I mean, why is it that...
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123. every time something bad happens,
grown-ups always think you need food?
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124. You lost your job?
Congratulations, you get a bucket of chicken!
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125. I mean, the last thing you want is to...
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126. Are these crushed potato chips?
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127. Look...
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128. Donna, look.
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129. I know we broke up...
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130. but I still, you know...
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131. I still care about you.
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132. Okay. Okay.
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133. So...
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134. Eric, in the bedroom.
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135. Oh, yeah, I knew that.
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136. I'll just...
I'm gonna...
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137. Is that a tennis getup?
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138. Yup.
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139. Yeah, I'm out.
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140. What's his problem? This is the perfect
outfit for picking up older ladies.
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141. Uh-huh.
How's that?
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142. Well, everyone knows that horny older ladies
hang out at tennis clubs.
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143. Yeah, well, see, Fez...
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144. Point Place doesn't have a tennis club,
or even a tennis court.
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145. We do have that concrete wall
behind the gym...
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146. but people mostly use that just for
smoking weed and beating up freshmen.
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147. And foreign exchange students.
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148. You were new, okay?
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149. No. You know where we gotta go
to get the ladies is the grocery store.
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150. Oh, the Piggly Wiggly?
I love the Piggly Wiggly.
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151. They have candy.
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152. Yeah.
And older ladies.
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153. And candy.
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154. Yeah, but the important thing
is the older ladies!
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155. And candy.
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156. All right, Fez. What do you want,
the older ladies or the candy?
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157. Fine, you win.
The older ladies.
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158. - Thank you.
- And candy.
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159. It was the sport coat, right?
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160. - Again?
- Yes, please.
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161. So, you don't want to cuddle?
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162. That's cool.
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163. Bob thinks Midge is coming back?
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164. That is the saddest thing I ever heard.
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165. Oh, come on, Kitty.
Let him think it. Who does it hurt?
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166. It hurts Bob.
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167. Well, who else does it hurt?
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168. Steven.
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169. Red, Bob has to grieve
so the healing can begin.
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170. But, Kitty, then he'll grieve all over me.
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171. Hey, remember that time Bob ate a bad taco
and grieved all inside your car?
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172. Thank you.
Case closed.
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173. Why would you bring that up?
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174. Well, sorry, Mrs. Forman.
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175. It's just that it was gross,
so I think about it a lot.
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176. Hi, kids. Good to see you.
Good to see you.
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177. Someone is looking lovely today, Mom.
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178. What's with you, man?
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179. I guess a little thing like
getting back together with your old gal...
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180. puts a spring in a man's step.
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181. You and Donna
are back together?
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182. That is wonderful!
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183. So, did you talk things through?
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184. No.
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185. Then how do you know
you're back together?
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186. Yeah, we talked things through.
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187. Talked or grunted?
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188. Stifle.
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189. Okay, well, good.
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190. I'm gonna need details.
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191. Oh, there will be details aplenty...
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192. in my steamy letter to Penthouse.
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193. Okay, my mom's still behind me,
isn't she?
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194. So, you guys did it?
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195. Twice.
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196. Five times!
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197. Nice.
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198. Yech!
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199. And you're back together?
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200. Oh, yeah.
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201. God, no.
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202. It was like... magic.
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203. Oh, I feel sick.
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204. Yup, we're back together.
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205. And, Hyde, more than this, much...
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206. more than this...
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207. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it.
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208. Man, back when
I was cheating on Jackie...
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209. I used to meet a ton
of older ladies here.
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210. Hello, Michael.
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211. Hey, Joyce.
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212. That's Coach Ferguson's wife!
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213. Yeah.
She's lonely, and she drinks.
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214. Oh, you're a Piggly Wiggly god.
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215. Yeah.
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216. Ooh la la!
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217. Oh, me like.
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218. Well, make your move, man.
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219. Ay, no.
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220. After I painted
Midge's bathroom pink...
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221. sprinkled a little lavender water
in her toilet like she likes...
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222. I went out and got these chocolates.
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223. I hope she likes 'em. I guess we'll find out
when she comes back, huh?
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224. Bob, she... I...
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225. Aw, Bob, you poor,
dumb son of a bitch.
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226. That's mean.
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227. Bob, she's not comin' back.
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228. - Yes, she is.
- No, she's not.
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229. - Yes, she is.
- No, she's not.
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230. - Yes, she is.
- No, she's not!
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231. - Yes, she is!
- Fine!
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232. These chocolates are for Midge, Bob?
They're for Midge? Fine!
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233. Let's give 'em to Midge!
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234. Here you go, Midge!
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235. You're throwing away
Midgie's chocolates.
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236. And why would I do that, Bob?
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237. 'Cause you're mean!
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238. And why else?
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239. She's not coming back, is she?
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240. I knew that.
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241. Listen, you wanna go get a beer?
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242. Yeah. Yeah.
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243. You're a good friend.
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244. I might cry.
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245. And I might hit you.
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246. Michael, how could you bring poor,
sweet Fez to the Piggly Wiggly?
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247. There are a lot of
footloose women in that store.
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248. Do you know Joyce Ferguson?
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249. Who? No!
That's a lie!
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250. - What?
- What?
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251. - What?
- What?
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252. And you! Grabbing strange rear ends
is no way to meet a nice girl.
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253. It's rude, ungentlemanly behavior...
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254. that will not be appreciated
by a woman of class.
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255. And thank you for the compliment.
It made my day.
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256. You know what I just noticed?
Mrs. Forman is hot.
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257. Yeah, she's a cutie.
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258. And firm.
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259. You know, maybe we should
get her a sweater for Christmas.
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260. She actually doesn't want
to be with you at all.
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261. Isn't that hilarious?
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262. Yeah, he thinks
you're back together.
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263. It's really sad.
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264. Hold on. What?
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265. Look, she said she would've
done it with anybody.
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266. No, no.
Donna wouldn't say that.
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267. I mean, it was like I would
have done it with anybody.
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268. Anybody?
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269. Damn, and I was just over there
watching stupid Donahue.
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270. Hey, let's do it right now.
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271. Eric's gonna be so mad.
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272. - Are you mad?
- So mad.
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273. Yeah, I'm just kidding
about the "do it" stuff.
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274. - I'm sorry about your mom.
- Thanks.
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275. You know what?
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276. That's it.
She can't use me like this.
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277. I'm goin' over there
to yell at her right now!
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278. With yelling!
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279. Seriously, let's do it right now.
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280. Okay, listen. You need to tell me
what the hell you think you're doing!
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281. What am I doing?
Well, my mom left us...
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282. so I'm boxing up her clothes,
because I can't look at them anymore.
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283. I'm sorry for needing you, but I did. So if
you have something to say to me, just say it.
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284. Okay, thank you!
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285. I did have something to say,
and it was good!
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286. But that was before you said your mom stuff
and your sad clothes stuff...
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287. and now my s-sex stuff...
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288. sounds...
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289. sucky.
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290. Look, I'm sorry if you thought that we...
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291. No. No, I'm sorry.
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292. Let's just... What...
What, do you need some help or something?
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293. Yeah, thanks.
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294. Oh, my God.
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295. Oh, my God.
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296. This is mine.
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297. Midge borrowed it, and
she never gave it back.
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298. I bet my bra's here too.
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299. I miss my li'l Midgers.
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300. Bob, you know the rules.
You cry, you buy.
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301. Three pitchers, please.
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302. Hi.
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