1. Good morning.
I have terrible news.
Are we out of bacon?
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2. No. I was outside, and—
remember that time
we were out of bacon?
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3. Do I? Nearly tore
this family apart.
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4. Listen to me!
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5. Midge left Bob.
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6. Are you sure?
I mean, maybe she's just
lost in the backyard.
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7. This is serious. I was up early,
and I saw midge getting
into her car with a suitcase.
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8. And I said, "where are
you going, midge?" Because
I'm concerned, not nosy.
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9. And she said to me,
"I am leaving Bob,
and I am never coming back."
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10. And I said, "okay."
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11. And then i— i—
I laughed like I do
when I'm uncomfortable.
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12. But... what about Donna?
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13. I mean, what are they
gonna do?
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14. Well, okay.
They are going
to depend...
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15. On the kindness
of their friends
and neighbors,
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16. which is why we need
to go over there as a family
to comfort them.
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17. Yikes. No.
I don't think so.
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18. Why not?
Well, it just seems
like it'd be—
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19. like there'd be
an awful lot of—
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20. crying.
Yeah.
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21. So, no.
Yeah, no.
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22. Well, fine.
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23. Then I will go myself.
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24. Hey! Where are you
going with my food?
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25. To Bob and Donna.
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26. When your wife
or mother leaves you,
you need a good breakfast.
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27. I need a good breakfast.
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28. I didn't leave you.
Eat a pop-tart.
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29. When I woke up, her bag
was packed and she left.
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30. Didn't even say
where she was going.
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31. On the other hand,
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32. we have pancakes with egg eyes
and bacon smiley faces!
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33. The hash-brown hair is nice.
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34. I can't believe she would
just take off without even
a hint or a warning.
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35. No warning?
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36. Dad, she was always saying,
"I'm unhappy,
and I'm gonna leave."
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37. Honey, that's just
what married people say.
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38. Did she say
where she was going?
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39. Well, she said she was
going to California to—
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40. to be a star on Broadway.
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41. So—
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42. oh, midgie.
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43. She may not have been smart,
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44. but she sure was sweet.
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45. And built too, boy.
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46. Okay.
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47. Thanks, Mrs. Forman,
but I'm really not hungry.
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48. Oh, what a nightmare.
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49. She was unhappy, Bob.
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50. No, she took the eldorado.
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51. Hello, Wisconsin!
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52. So midge just took off?
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53. Ah, poor Donna.
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54. Yeah, this is
really bad.
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55. Yeah, not only did Donna
lose her mom,
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56. we all lost midge's
sweet, uptown rack.
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57. Oh, good god, man,
what a marvelous
set of kittens.
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58. Remember that sweater?
Oh.
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59. Remember the other sweater?
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60. Yeah. Remember that time
she ran up to us in a sweater?
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61. Remember the week
she took up jump rope?
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62. In a sweater?
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63. Eric!
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64. What are you boys
thinking about so hard?
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65. Nothing.
Homework.
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66. Jesus.
Kittens.
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67. Okay, um, Eric, I need you
to take a casserole
to the pinciottis.
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68. So run upstairs and put on
a nice, clean shirt
and a sport coat.
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69. What? No, I'm not
going over there.
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70. Donna and I broke up,
and things are weird with us.
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71. Well, that's too bad.
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72. Because I went over there,
and Bob's a crier...
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73. And a hugger.
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74. And when you get caught
in a crying-Bob hug,
there is no escape.
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75. And I cannot
go back over there!
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76. I don't know.
I like to be hugged by Bob.
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77. He makes me feel safe.
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78. Okay, okay, there he is.
Go talk to him.
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79. No, kitty.
It's a personal matter,
and i— oh!
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80. That's mature.
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81. Oh, hey there, red!
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82. Hi, Bob.
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83. What a day, huh?
What a day to be alive.
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84. I feel great.
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85. You do?
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86. Well, then...
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87. I can go back inside.
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88. Bye.
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89. Yup, midgie's been on me
for weeks to weed the garden.
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90. I'm finally gettin' around
to it, so when she comes back,
she's gonna see that I did it.
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91. You think she's coming back?
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92. Well, why shouldn't she?
I did all the right things.
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93. We had an open marriage,
experimented with drugs.
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94. I even threw nudist parties.
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95. Yeah, what more
could a husband do?
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96. All right. Let's not get
bummed out, guys, okay?
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97. There are a lot of other
hot older women out there
besides midge.
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98. And they deserve our respect,
'cause they can teach us stuff.
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99. Yes, I would love to make love
to an 80-year-old.
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100. They must know everything.
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101. And not just about sex,
but history and trivia too.
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102. Yeah.
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103. The young ones are too timid,
but the older ones—
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104. they know it won't break.
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105. How could it break?
It is invincible.
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106. Yeah, and plus,
they're, like, grateful,
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107. you know, so they'll do it
with, like, almost anybody.
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108. Anybody?
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109. Well, that's me!
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110. Let's find Fez
a dirty housewife
to love.
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111. Yeah, man, I'm in.
Hyde?
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112. I don't know, guys.
I was gonna go watch donahue.
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113. What do you think
the chances are
of Fez gettin' burned?
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114. Pretty good.
Damn good.
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115. Then I am in.
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116. Hey.
Hey.
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117. So,
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118. hey, look, I'm really
sorry about your mom.
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119. And, uh, I mean,
are you okay?
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120. I don't know.
It's weird.
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121. Yeah, well, you know,
it won't make you
feel any better,
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122. but for some reason
I brought you a casserole.
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123. I mean, why is it that...
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124. Every time something bad
happens, grown-ups always
think you need food?
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125. You lost your job?
Congratulations, you get
a bucket of chicken!
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126. I mean,
the last thing
you want is to—
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127. Are these crushed
potato chips?
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128. Look—
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129. Donna, look.
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130. I know we broke up,
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131. but I still, you know—
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132. I still care about you.
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133. Okay. Okay.
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134. So—
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135. Eric, in the bedroom.
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136. Oh, yeah, I knew that.
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137. I'll just—
I'm gonna—
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138. Is that
a tennis getup?
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139. Yup.
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140. Yeah, I'm out.
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141. What's his problem?
This is the perfect outfit
for picking up older ladies.
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142. Uh-huh.
How's that?
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143. Well, everyone knows
that horny older ladies
hang out at tennis clubs.
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144. Yeah, well, see, Fez,
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145. point place doesn't
have a tennis club,
or even a tennis court.
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146. We do have that concrete wall
behind the gym,
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147. but people mostly use that
just for smoking weed
and beating up freshmen.
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148. And foreign
exchange students.
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149. You were new, okay?
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150. No. You know where we gotta
go to get the ladies
is the grocery store.
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151. Oh, the piggly wiggly?
I love the piggly wiggly.
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152. They have candy.
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153. Yeah.
And older ladies.
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154. And candy.
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155. Yeah, but the important thing
is the older ladies!
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156. And candy.
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157. All right, Fez.
What do you want,
the older ladies or the candy?
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158. Fine, you win.
The older ladies.
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159. Thank you.
And candy.
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160. It was the sport coat,
right?
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161. Again?
Yes, please.
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162. So, you don't want to cuddle?
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163. That's cool.
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164. Bob thinks midge
is coming back?
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165. That is the saddest thing
I ever heard.
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166. Oh, come on, kitty.
Let him think it.
Who does it hurt?
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167. It hurts Bob.
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168. Well, who else
does it hurt?
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169. Steven.
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170. Red, Bob has to grieve
so the healing can begin.
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171. But, kitty, then he'll
grieve all over me.
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172. Hey, remember that time Bob
ate a bad taco and grieved
all inside your car?
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173. Thank you.
Case closed.
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174. Why would you bring that up?
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175. Well, sorry, Mrs. Forman.
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176. It's just that it was gross,
so I think about it a lot.
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177. Hi, kids.
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
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178. Someone is looking
lovely today, mom.
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179. What's with you, man?
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180. I guess a little thing
like getting back together
with your old gal...
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181. Puts a spring
in a man's step.
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182. You and Donna
are back together?
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183. That is wonderful!
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184. So, did you
talk things through?
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185. No.
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186. Then how do you know
you're back together?
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187. Yeah, we talked
things through.
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188. Talked or grunted?
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189. Stifle.
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190. Okay, well, good.
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191. I'm gonna
need details.
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192. Oh, there will be
details aplenty...
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193. In my steamy letter
to penthouse.
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194. Okay, my mom's
still behind me,
isn't she?
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195. So, you guys did it?
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196. Twice.
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197. Five times!
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198. Nice.
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199. Yech!
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200. And you're back together?
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201. Oh, yeah.
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202. God, no.
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203. It was like... magic.
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204. Oh, I feel sick.
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205. Yup, we're back together.
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206. And, Hyde,
more than this, much...
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207. More than this—
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208. I'm sure he's
forgotten all about it.
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209. Man, back when
I was cheating on Jackie,
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210. I used to meet a ton
of older ladies here.
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211. Hello, Michael.
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212. Hey, Joyce.
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213. That's coach Ferguson's wife!
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214. Yeah.
She's lonely,
and she drinks.
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215. Oh, you're
a piggly wiggly god.
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216. Yeah.
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217. Ooh la la!
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218. Oh, me like.
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219. Well, make your move, man.
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220. Ay, no.
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221. After I painted
midge's bathroom pink,
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222. sprinkled a little
lavender water in her toilet
like she likes,
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223. I went out and got
these chocolates.
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224. I hope she likes 'em.
I guess we'll find out
when she comes back, huh?
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225. Bob, she— i—
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226. aw, Bob, you poor,
dumb son of a bitch.
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227. That's mean.
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228. Bob, she's not
comin' back.
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229. Yes, she is.
No, she's not.
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230. Yes, she is.
No, she's not.
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231. Yes, she is.
No, she's not!
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232. Yes, she is!
Fine!
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233. These chocolates
are for midge, Bob?
They're for midge? Fine!
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234. Let's give 'em to midge!
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235. Here you go, midge!
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236. You're throwing away
midgie's chocolates.
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237. And why would
I do that, Bob?
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238. 'Cause you're mean!
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239. And why else?
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240. She's not coming back,
is she?
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241. I knew that.
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242. Listen, you wanna
go get a beer?
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243. Yeah. Yeah.
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244. You're a good friend.
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245. I might cry.
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246. And I might hit you.
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247. Michael, how could you
bring poor, sweet Fez
to the piggly wiggly?
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248. There are a lot of
footloose women in that store.
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249. Do you know Joyce Ferguson?
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250. Who? No!
That's a lie!
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251. What?
What?
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252. What?
What?
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253. And you!
Grabbing strange rear ends
is no way to meet a nice girl.
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254. It's rude,
ungentlemanly behavior...
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255. That will not be appreciated
by a woman of class.
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256. And thank you
for the compliment.
It made my day.
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257. You know what I just noticed?
Mrs. Forman is hot.
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258. Yeah, she's a cutie.
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259. And firm.
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260. You know, maybe we should
get her a sweater
for Christmas.
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261. She actually doesn't want
to be with you at all.
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262. Isn't that hilarious?
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263. Yeah, he thinks
you're back together.
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264. It's really sad.
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265. Hold on. What?
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266. Look, she said she would've
done it with anybody.
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267. No, no. Donna
wouldn't say that.
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268. I mean, it was like I would
have done it with anybody.
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269. Anybody?
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270. Damn, and I was just
over there watching
stupid donahue.
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271. Hey, let's do it
right now.
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272. Eric's gonna be so mad.
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273. Are you mad?
So mad.
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274. Yeah, I'm just kidding
about the "do it" stuff.
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275. I'm sorry about
your mom.
Thanks.
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276. You know what?
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277. That's it. She can't
use me like this.
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278. I'm goin' over there to
yell at her right now!
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279. With yelling!
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280. Seriously, let's
do it right now.
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281. Okay, listen.
You need to tell me what
the hell you think you're doing!
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282. What am I doing?
Well, my mom left us,
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283. so I'm boxing up her clothes,
because I can't look
at them anymore.
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284. I'm sorry for needing you, but
I did. So if you have something
to say to me, just say it.
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285. Okay, thank you!
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286. I did have something to say,
and it was good!
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287. But that was before
you said your mom stuff
and your sad clothes stuff,
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288. and now my
s-sex stuff...
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289. Sounds...
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290. Sucky.
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291. Look, I'm sorry
if you thought that we—
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292. no. No, I'm sorry.
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293. Let's just— what—
what, do you
need some help or something?
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294. Yeah, thanks.
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295. Oh, my god.
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296. Oh, my god.
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297. This is mine.
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298. Midge borrowed it,
and she never gave it back.
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299. I bet my bra's here too.
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300. I miss my li'l midgers.
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301. Bob, you know the rules.
You cry, you buy.
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302. Three pitchers, please.
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303. Hi.
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