1. Oh, Hyde, get this.Copy !req
2. Casey just came by
to pick up Donna...Copy !req
3. and he was out in the street
just revving his Trans Am real loud...Copy !req
4. and then he peels out
in the street...Copy !req
5. and he started
doing doughnuts.Copy !req
6. And then, out comes Donna,
all smiling...Copy !req
7. and, like,
looking at him.Copy !req
8. What a slut!Copy !req
9. Look. If she wants
to date him, that's fine.Copy !req
10. But he doesn't have to be
all loud and jerky about it.Copy !req
11. Jerky, loud, doughnut jerk.Copy !req
12. Oh, guess what, boys.Copy !req
13. I entered the big wiener contest
at the Piggly Wiggly.Copy !req
14. And I won a year's supply
of all-beef hot dogs!Copy !req
15. I'm a wiener winner!Copy !req
16. Well, anyway,
we're having a barbecue.Copy !req
17. No, Kitty! I thought we were
going to talk about that.Copy !req
18. Mm-hmm. Oh, and I saw Donna
at the grocery store...Copy !req
19. and she said she's bringing
her friend Casey.Copy !req
20. What? No.
I hate Casey.Copy !req
21. He's Donna's new boyfriend.
Y-You have to uninvite him. Dad, tell her.Copy !req
22. Kitty, you've done
a horrible thing.Copy !req
23. It could scar the boy
for life.Copy !req
24. Now, let's do the right thing
and cancel that barbecue.Copy !req
25. No. We're having it,
and it'll be fun.Copy !req
26. And... we just...
We won't give Casey any relish.Copy !req
27. All right!Copy !req
28. Once Casey finds out he's not getting
any relish, he'll dump Donna for sure.Copy !req
29. You are so screwed.Copy !req
30. So your mom invited Casey
over for hot dogs?Copy !req
31. Well, that's a plump,
juicy all-beef burn.Copy !req
32. Ah, it's just typical
women stuff.Copy !req
33. Like Jackie
kissing that guy. Ow!Copy !req
34. - Hyde!
- Yeah. Okay?Copy !req
35. I've decided if anyone brings up
any more stupid girl stuff...Copy !req
36. I'm gonna throw something
at 'em.Copy !req
37. This time, I threw a fist.Copy !req
38. I'm sorry. It's just
everything reminds me.Copy !req
39. Like, last night Rocky was on...Copy !req
40. and I was thinking I'm like Rocky
and Jackie is Apollo Creed.Copy !req
41. And she bashed in my face
by kissing that guy!Copy !req
42. At least Rocky
wins in the end.Copy !req
43. Kelso, Rocky loses.Copy !req
44. Oh, yeah? Well, why is he
jumping around all happy?Copy !req
45. Because he goes
the distance, fool.Copy !req
46. He loses the fight,
but he wins in life.Copy !req
47. Who wants to watch a movie
with a message like that?Copy !req
48. Ice-cream man!Copy !req
49. You guys, I've been thinking
about Donna. And I...Copy !req
50. This time I threw a magazine.Copy !req
51. No, guys, seriously.
This barbecue might work out in my favor.Copy !req
52. You see, Donna's only seen Casey
around his smelly, tattooed...Copy !req
53. Molly Hatchet-lovin' friends.Copy !req
54. But when he comes to the barbecue,
he'll be around us...Copy !req
55. good, clean,
Lynyrd Skynyrd-lovin' Americans.Copy !req
56. And the comparison
will not be kind to him.Copy !req
57. And then Donna'll come
running home to you.Copy !req
58. No.Copy !req
59. Well, maybe.
You think?Copy !req
60. So, instead of pounding Casey like you
should, you came up with this zany scheme.Copy !req
61. Forman, you've officially
turned into Daffy Duck.Copy !req
62. You're "dithpicable"!Copy !req
63. You know, I have
lady problems too.Copy !req
64. Rhonda won't let me
get past second base.Copy !req
65. I even said, "please."Copy !req
66. Magic word, my ass!Copy !req
67. Y-You know what,
Jac... I can't do this.Copy !req
68. Why should I paint these round, berry toes if
some other guy is gonna end up lickin' 'em?Copy !req
69. Michael, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
70. I still can't get over
you cheatin' on me.Copy !req
71. And I need to hear you
apologize again.Copy !req
72. And this time, maybe you
should cry or give me money!Copy !req
73. No, Michael.
I am not gonna beg for forgiveness.Copy !req
74. I didn't make you do that
when you cheated.Copy !req
75. Well, that is
totally different.Copy !req
76. When guys cheat, it's because
they need some hot action.Copy !req
77. But when girls cheat, it's way worse,
'cause girls don't even like sex.Copy !req
78. We do too.Copy !req
79. Well, why aren't we
doin' it now?Copy !req
80. Because I don't want to
do it right now.Copy !req
81. I do. Point made.
Thank you!Copy !req
82. No. You know what?
We need help.Copy !req
83. We should consult the world's
highest authority on relationships.Copy !req
84. Cosmo!Copy !req
85. "Why you should touch
your breasts every day."Copy !req
86. No, this could help.
They seem smart.Copy !req
87. Okay, Fez, when Casey gets here, ask him
for advice about your second-base problem.Copy !req
88. My advice is gonna be
way better than his, and, uh...Copy !req
89. Donna will see that
he's a greasy dolt.Copy !req
90. Hey, Forman,
I have an idea.Copy !req
91. Set up a wacky system
of ropes and pulleys...Copy !req
92. and when Casey gets here,
drop an anvil on his head.Copy !req
93. - Because that's what Daffy does.
- Yeah, I got that.Copy !req
94. - Hey, guys.
- Hey.Copy !req
95. Hey, Foreplay.
Getting a little shaggy up there, buddy.Copy !req
96. Okay. Well, that's
enough of that!Copy !req
97. Okay.
So, uh...Copy !req
98. Hey, you guys
are just in time.Copy !req
99. Fez was telling me about, uh, some kind
of problem you're having with Rhonda.Copy !req
100. Yeah. Rhonda won't let me get past second
base, and I really want to explore further.Copy !req
101. Mmm. Gosh.
Well, I don't know...Copy !req
102. I think if you're patient,
and you're respectful...Copy !req
103. when Rhonda's ready,
she'll, uh... she'll wave you over.Copy !req
104. Well, thank you, Eric.
That is very gentlemanly advice.Copy !req
105. Gentlemanly?
Well, uh, guilty as charged, I guess.Copy !req
106. Hey, Casey, uh,
what do you think?Copy !req
107. Well, sometimes
a seasoned lady like Rhonda...Copy !req
108. she's gotten used to
the usual order of things.Copy !req
109. So, I think the next time
you're fooling around...Copy !req
110. just, uh, skip second
and go right to third.Copy !req
111. - What?
- It's genius!Copy !req
112. No wonder
you never get any.Copy !req
113. Yeah, with Rhonda, you know,
that just might work.Copy !req
114. W-Wait, you like that?Copy !req
115. Well, the words are wrong, but they
sound so good coming out of his mouth.Copy !req
116. I got a way about me.Copy !req
117. That worked out...
"thuper."Copy !req
118. Okay, Michael. I found something out
about our situation.Copy !req
119. This article says that cheating
is a symptom of a deeper problem.Copy !req
120. Deeper problem?Copy !req
121. No! I don't want a deeper problem!
I want a quick fix!Copy !req
122. Well, too bad.Copy !req
123. Because I realized that I'm still hurt and
angry from all the times you cheated on me.Copy !req
124. Okay? And that is why
I kissed that guy.Copy !req
125. So what are you saying?Copy !req
126. I'm sayin',
I'm not sorry.Copy !req
127. I'm not sorry!Copy !req
128. Come on!Copy !req
129. Look, now I know
why I cheated.Copy !req
130. You need to read this Cosmo
and find out why you did.Copy !req
131. I ripped out the boob pictures,
so don't bother looking.Copy !req
132. Hey, Donna, uh,
would you like a hot dog?Copy !req
133. Um, maybe half.Copy !req
134. Whoa, man,
you carry a knife?Copy !req
135. Yeah. You never know when a lady's
gonna need a half a hot dog.Copy !req
136. It's funny, man. You're the Boy Scout,
but I'm the one who's prepared.Copy !req
137. He's like a gladiator.Copy !req
138. Okay, that's it. I'm bringing out
the big guns. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
139. I'm introducing him
to my folks.Copy !req
140. Oh, hey, Mom, meet Casey.
This is Donna's new boyfriend.Copy !req
141. Well, you're certainly not a girl!Copy !req
142. Nice to meet you,
Mrs. Forman.Copy !req
143. You know, you couldn't have picked a prettier
day to win a year's supply of hot dogs.Copy !req
144. Yeah, sure is a hot dog.Copy !req
145. Mom!Copy !req
146. Sorry, honey, it's just...
He's just...Copy !req
147. I am sure
you are much smarter.Copy !req
148. Kitty, the idiot neighbors
drank all my beer.Copy !req
149. Uh-oh. You're in a bad mood.
Hey, meet Casey.Copy !req
150. Pleasure, sir.Copy !req
151. Hey, maybe I can help.Copy !req
152. I always keep an spare case
of beer in the Trans Am.Copy !req
153. Little tip I picked up
in the army.Copy !req
154. I don't know.
Seems like a pretty good kid.Copy !req
155. Uh-huh.Copy !req
156. So, you and Casey, huh?Copy !req
157. Look, Hyde, whatever you heard
about Casey, he's changed now.Copy !req
158. He's... He's mature.Copy !req
159. Oh, yeah.
He's real mature.Copy !req
160. Well, I like him!Copy !req
161. We're together, and if you can't deal
with that, then you can just go to hell!Copy !req
162. Hey, that's not barbecue language,
young lady!Copy !req
163. Here's that beer, sir.
I got a soda for the minor.Copy !req
164. Now, you make sure
to drink that real slow...Copy !req
165. 'cause I don't want you
to get a tummy ache, little guy.Copy !req
166. Well, that's thoughtful.Copy !req
167. Yeah, he cramps up easy.Copy !req
168. Casey and Donna, man.Copy !req
169. Hey, remember when we were 12?
We didn't even like girls yet.Copy !req
170. I liked girls
when I was 12.Copy !req
171. Yeah, I was happy to stay at home
Friday night in my underwear...Copy !req
172. just tossin'
a football to myself.Copy !req
173. Yeah, never did that either.Copy !req
174. Well, at least I gave it
my best shot, right?Copy !req
175. If Donna loves Casey and not me,
then, I mean, I guess it's over.Copy !req
176. Wha... Forman,
you can't give up.Copy !req
177. Okay, look. Who knows what's
gonna happen with me and Jackie.Copy !req
178. But what you
and Donna had?Copy !req
179. That was, like, real.Copy !req
180. And I'm telling you, as his brother...
Look, Casey is bad news.Copy !req
181. He's either gonna get bored and split,
or something worse is gonna happen.Copy !req
182. So, you gotta
do something.Copy !req
183. Hey, since when did
you get all serious?Copy !req
184. Been reading Cosmo.Copy !req
185. It's very educational.Copy !req
186. Yeah. I never realized how much
plumbing girls had down there.Copy !req
187. Like, there's this diagram,
and it's like a map of Six Flags.Copy !req
188. Okay, everyone.
Here's lunch.Copy !req
189. Hot dog soup!Copy !req
190. No more hot dogs!Copy !req
191. I'll just eat
the grilled cheese.Copy !req
192. You mean, grilled cheese
with hot dogs!Copy !req
193. Kitty, for God's sakes...Copy !req
194. I ate 14 hot dogs yesterday!Copy !req
195. Well, what do you want me to do, Red?
They're everywhere.Copy !req
196. They're a curse
on this house!Copy !req
197. Oh, fine.
Let's make some calls.Copy !req
198. Maybe we can unload
the damn things on a nursery school.Copy !req
199. You guys, I have let this thing
with Casey go way too far.Copy !req
200. Yeah, no kidding.
Donna's pretty far gone.Copy !req
201. She's starting to lash out
at people at barbecues.Copy !req
202. You gotta
kick his ass, man!Copy !req
203. Hyde, Eric cannot beat Casey
with his fists.Copy !req
204. He's a special boy who must beat him
with his special strengths.Copy !req
205. Now, let's think.
What is Eric's special strengths?Copy !req
206. Welcome back to TV's
favorite game show...Copy !req
207. Get Into That Box!Copy !req
208. Now let's meet our returning champion,
Eric Forman!Copy !req
209. Thanks.
Good to be back, Fez.Copy !req
210. Let's meet our challenger,
Casey Kelso!Copy !req
211. Casey Kelso,
it's time to...Copy !req
212. Get Into That Box!Copy !req
213. How does he do it?Copy !req
214. He's so tiny!Copy !req
215. I would watch that show.Copy !req
216. Okay.
That was great.Copy !req
217. Guys, I'm going
over to Casey's.Copy !req
218. And I don't know
what I'm gonna do.Copy !req
219. But if things get physical,
I'm just gonna have to drop the hammer.Copy !req
220. And if all else fails,
kick him in the stones and run like hell.Copy !req
221. Yeah, that's what I meant by
"drop the hammer."Copy !req
222. Rhonda, your lively tongue
has made me thirsty.Copy !req
223. Would you like to
wet your whistle?Copy !req
224. Wow, thirsty lady.Copy !req
225. Well, we're off to
a nice start.Copy !req
226. Shall we move on
to second base?Copy !req
227. Ay, no.Copy !req
228. Guess what. I read your little
"everything's my fault" article...Copy !req
229. and I realized
why I cheated.Copy !req
230. Remember the first time
I kissed Pam Macy?Copy !req
231. - Behind the gym?
- And in the gym, and in her car.Copy !req
232. But, anyway...Copy !req
233. Earlier that day, I didn't have
any money to buy you Tater Tots.Copy !req
234. You said that I'd never be able to
support you, 'cause I wasn't smart enough.Copy !req
235. You're always puttin' me down like that,
and it makes me feel bad about myself.Copy !req
236. And that is why I cheated.Copy !req
237. That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard!Copy !req
238. Just like that.Copy !req
239. And then I thought about it,
and I realized that I'm not sorry either!Copy !req
240. Hey!Copy !req
241. Michael,
what are you saying?Copy !req
242. I'm sayin' that we're not right for
each other, because you make me feel bad!Copy !req
243. And...Copy !req
244. And...Copy !req
245. I don't think I can
be with you anymore.Copy !req
246. I want to break up.Copy !req
247. Wait, break up?Copy !req
248. No, no. Michael, I was wrong.
Please, let's talk about this.Copy !req
249. - No.
- Wait, but Michael!Copy !req
250. Casey, we need to talk.Copy !req
251. Well, I'm a little swamped
right now, Foreplay.Copy !req
252. I think Donna thinks
you love her...Copy !req
253. and if you don't,
you shouldn't act like you do.Copy !req
254. What are you?
The love police?Copy !req
255. Hands up!
Love police is here.Copy !req
256. Hey, all I'm saying is that
if you don't love her...Copy !req
257. just don't be with her, okay?Copy !req
258. Because she's
a really special person...Copy !req
259. and someone out there
could really love her.Copy !req
260. Someone out there
or someone right here?Copy !req
261. Oh, hey, Eric.
What are you doing here?Copy !req
262. He was just leaving.Copy !req
263. Oh. Well,
I gotta go too.Copy !req
264. Hey, Pinciotti.Copy !req
265. Love ya.Copy !req
266. Oh, well, I...Copy !req
267. Thank you.Copy !req
268. Okay, well I'll, uh,
I'll see you later.Copy !req
269. You see, Forman,
it's just words.Copy !req
270. You don't have to mean it.Copy !req
271. If you make her cry,
I'm coming right back here to kick your ass.Copy !req
272. Well, me and Jackie
are officially over.Copy !req
273. We're as done
as this hot dog.Copy !req
274. This hot dog isn't done!Copy !req
275. Well, if kicking Casey's butt is the same
as babbling at him from a safe distance...Copy !req
276. then, boy, did I do it!Copy !req
277. But seriously, you guys,
the days of Daffy are over.Copy !req
278. It's time for action.Copy !req
279. I'm goin' Road Runner
on his ass.Copy !req
280. Beep, beep!
Pow!Copy !req
281. Good.Copy !req
282. Because thanks to his stupid advice,
Rhonda dumped me.Copy !req
283. I tried to steal third,
but she blocked me...Copy !req
284. and choked me.Copy !req
285. Now there is
no more baseball for Fez.Copy !req
286. It's back to handball.Copy !req
287. Girls, man.
They'll make you miserable.Copy !req
288. Well, I got a date.Copy !req
289. "Tho" long, "thuckerth!"Copy !req
290. It's like Playboy...Copy !req
291. but girls look at it.Copy !req
292. I know.
How hot is that?Copy !req
293. Oh, look. Six Flags!Copy !req
294. Well, that better not be
a dirty magazine.Copy !req
295. Oh, Cosmo.
Good for you.Copy !req
296. Cosmo?Copy !req
297. You boys are spending
too much time together.Copy !req