1. Hey, Kelso.
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2. Well, that's a mighty big smile.
What, did you get into the Play-doh?
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3. No. I'm happy
'cause today is Gift Day.
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4. And in honor of this special day,
I got you all gifts.
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5. All right.
Aerosmith Live.
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6. Yeah, for my friend
who rocks.
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7. - Oh, man. The new Rolling Stone.
- For my friend who reads.
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8. Oreos!
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9. For my friend
who snacks.
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10. A triple-decker burn! Awesome!
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11. Wha... There's peanut butter
on my headphones!
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12. These cookies
are filled with toothpaste!
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13. All right. That noise
did not come out of my butt.
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14. Welcome to Prank Day.
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15. That's right.
It's Prank Day.
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16. "Gift Day."
You idiots.
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17. A whoopee cushion?
What are you, two?
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18. These things are great.
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19. - You got something in your ear, man.
- What?
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20. Oh, my goodness.
It's peanut butter!
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21. Ha-ha. Peanut butter wet willy.
Very clever.
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22. But the thing about it is,
you don't have to be clever.
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23. Okay! Okay!
This Prank Day is over.
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24. Let's just watch TV. Hey, Fez,
I think there's a Nancy Drew on.
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25. Oh! She can solve my mystery any day.
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26. And by the way,
the mystery is in my pants.
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27. Okay. That's it.
I got a peanut in my ear.
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28. Yeah. I used chunky, so it might
get up in your brain.
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29. Yeah. Ha-ha. Laugh it up now,
man, 'cause fun time is over.
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30. What the hell?
I'm stuck.
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31. I have been glued!
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32. Not glued, superglued.
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33. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you covered the
freezer handle and the TV knob in superglue?
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34. Knowing Forman's love for Popsicles
and Fez's love for knobs!
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35. Yeah.
I'm an evil mastermind.
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36. Kelso, is there a cushion
glued to my butt?
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37. No. Not glued,
superglued.
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38. - You're a dead man.
- Yeah?
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39. What are you gonna do...
sit on me with your cushion-butt?
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40. It won't hurt, 'cause it's a cushion-butt.
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41. Ooh! Oh, my goodness.
Whoa!
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42. Okay. If you could be the princess in
any country, what country would it be?
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43. I pick Monaco.
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44. See, I always wanted
to wear my crown with a bikini.
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45. Donna, you're not listening to me!
This is my life here.
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46. Oh. Sorry. It's just... You know,
today would've been my parents' anniversary.
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47. But my mom's gone, my dad's with Joanne,
and Casey's out of town.
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48. So it just kind of sucks.
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49. You know what you need?
A little Jackie magic.
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50. - I am gonna dedicate my whole day to you.
- Oh, like you did last month...
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51. when I had to hold your corn dog and guard the
van while you and Kelso did it at the 4-H Fair?
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52. Yeah.
Wasn't that fun?
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53. Man, I can't wait to see this big bucket
of oatmeal landing on Kelso's...
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54. big bucket of a head.
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55. Well, good gracious,
who's all this oatmeal for?
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56. Uh, it's for
the oatmeal drive...
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57. for the Needy Oatmeal Lovers
of America.
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58. Right, the N.O.L.O.A.
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59. Oh, oh, this tastes awful.
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60. You know, just because they're hoboes doesn't
mean they don't respond to herbs and spices.
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61. You know what?
That's a good point, Mom...
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62. but you better leave, 'cause we don't like to
do our charity work in front of other people.
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63. Oh, now, don't be silly. I'll help you.
Where'd I put my brown sugar?
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64. Oh, I'm right here,
honey buns.
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65. Okay. I'm here
for our slumber party.
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66. Wow. When you said you were gonna
dedicate your whole day to me...
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67. I figured that meant only
until we left The Hub.
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68. No. I promised you
24 hours of Jackie time...
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69. which is equal to seven days
of an ugly person's time.
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70. Well, it's just, I'm in the middle
of this really good book.
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71. Donna, books are for prisoners.
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72. Now, I brought tons
of activities.
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73. First, some makeup for your
long-overdue facial overhaul.
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74. The greatest
board game ever...
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75. Mystery Date.
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76. And... Wait.
Best of all...
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77. my stuffed animals
so we can perform...
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78. an all-unicorn
rendition of Grease.
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79. This is perfect.
We are so gonna nail Kelso.
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80. I still say we should have
shaved his privates.
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81. That's a burn
that keeps on burnin'.
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82. - Kelso's on his way.
- Okay, gentlemen. Take your positions.
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83. Okay. I'm here.
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84. - Where's the dead bird?
- Kelso, you're supposed to come in through the side door.
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85. - What?
- Eric, I need you to take out the...
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86. You guys are so dead.
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87. What the hell is this?
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88. Eric did it
because he hates you.
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89. Hyde!
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90. Forman,
every man for himself.
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91. No, uh, Dad, this was just a prank
that's gone wrong...
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92. horribly, horribly wrong.
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93. Well, I've got
a prank too...
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94. one where my foot doesn't
plow through your ass.
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95. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly,
horribly wrong!
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96. Oh, Red.
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97. What happened to you?
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98. That oatmeal
was for the hoboes.
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99. Well, the idiots
used it for a prank.
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100. Eric, how many times have I told you,
don't poke the bear.
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101. Don't poke the bear!
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102. Well, technically, we didn't poke the bear.
We pour oatmeal on the bear.
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103. - Are you correcting my wife?
- Kelso's laughing at you.
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104. Are you laughing?
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105. Oh, come on.
You're covered in oatmeal!
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106. It's funny!
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107. - That's it!
- Oh, oh, you know what you should do, Red?
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108. Forgive and forget. Turn the other cheek,
like Jesus. Be like Jesus, Red.
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109. I can't even think of a punishment
big enough for this!
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110. But trust me,
it's going to be awful...
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111. the kind of thing that Harry Truman
might order to end a war!
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112. Guys, who's
Harry Truman?
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113. He invented electricity,
dumb-ass.
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114. Okay, Donna.
It's makeover time.
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115. Let's pack those jumbo pores.
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116. Um, you know what? I've thought about it,
and I'm glad my mom left.
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117. More food for me.
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118. - Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
- I doubt it.
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119. Unless...
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120. You were right, Donna.
Now, not only are we beautifying...
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121. but we're "groovifying."
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122. Hey, I just made up a word.
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123. Yeah. Who ever said you can't
do two great things at once?
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124. I bet it was a one-armed,
pessimistic guy.
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125. Yeah, you just gotta
stay positive, man.
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126. Like, I don't want
to learn French...
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127. so everyday I think positive thoughts
about not learning French.
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128. And look at me.
I don't know a word of French.
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129. Is Dad still
gonna kill me?
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130. Eric, I put him
in his Corvette...
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131. tuned the radio to a hockey game
and handed him a beer.
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132. I've done all I can.
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133. - Dad...
- All right.
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134. Just tell me. What the hell
did you think you were doing?
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135. Look, Kelso invented this stupid
Prank Day thing...
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136. and he superglued us,
so the oatmeal thing...
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137. was just to, you know,
get him back.
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138. And that's when my life
as I know it ended.
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139. Are you telling me,
I got covered with oatmeal...
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140. because you were trying
to get back at Kelso...
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141. which you didn't even do?
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142. Well, that's a bit of
an oversimplification.
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143. - I think if you look at the facts...
- You...
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144. The facts are,
you were bested by a Kelso.
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145. How could you do this
to your family?
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146. I didn't realize the honor of
our family was at stake.
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147. It always is.
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148. Hell, we've been talking
about this since T-ball...
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149. which you quit.
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150. I mean, what was there to be scared of?
The ball just sits there.
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151. All right.
Here's what I'm gonna do.
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152. Instead of punishing you, I'm gonna show you
how to do this prank business right.
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153. Now, get the Three Stooges
over to dinner tonight.
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154. You are going to help me
get them good and scared.
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155. Oh, well, no, Dad.
I don't wanna get Hyde and Fez.
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156. - They're on my team.
- Well, your team lost.
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157. So everybody cries.
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158. Well, hope you boys
like lasagna.
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159. Oh, boy, lasagna...
the Italian burrito.
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160. Thanks for havin' us over,
Mrs. Forman.
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161. Oh, don't thank me.
It was Red's idea.
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162. - Wait a minute. Red's coming?
- Uh, yeah. I can't believe you guys showed up.
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163. Wait. No. The only reason we showed up was
'cause you said Red was workin' late tonight.
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164. Oh, God, you know what?
He's in the kitchen. Should I just get him?
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165. No, you should not get him,
you son of a bitch.
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166. - I'm goin' out the window.
- Guys, calm down.
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167. Look, what could he
possibly do to us at dinner?
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168. Ah, good.
All the half-wits are here.
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169. I wanted
to let you know...
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170. that I'm going
to get you...
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171. and you won't know where,
and you won't know when.
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172. But...
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173. it will hurt.
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174. And you will cry,
and I will laugh, and...
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175. Did I mention
it will hurt?
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176. Very good.
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177. Now, enjoy the lasagna. I added
the special seasoning myself.
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178. Special seasoning?
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179. Uh-oh.
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180. All right.
Maybe it's because I'm extra clever...
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181. but I think that there might be
somethin' wrong with the lasagna...
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182. and I think maybe Red
had somethin' to do with it.
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183. Kelso...
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184. I wouldn't do anything
to the lasagna...
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185. just like I wouldn't do anything to your new
sneakers that are sitting by the kitchen door.
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186. My Chucks!
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187. Why isn't anybody eating?
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188. Is there something wrong
with my lasagna?
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189. We have reason to believe
it's been tampered with.
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190. Is this another prank?
Because I will not have this in my house.
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191. Now eat that lasagna.
It's perfectly fine.
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192. I said eat it!
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193. Mmm. Dad, what is
this special seasoning?
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194. Oh, a little of this, a little of that.
Which reminds me.
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195. Kitty, I cleaned out the dead moths
from the porch light.
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196. If I could only remember
where I put them.
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197. - Aw, bugs? Sick!
- I'm out of here.
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198. Okay, Leo.
Who's your Mystery Date?
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199. All right.
The ski instructor.
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200. He's hunky.
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201. You know, Jackie, I never thought I'd say
this, but I'm actually having a good time.
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202. Wait. Michael,
what are you doing here?
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203. Yeah, man.
This is girls' night.
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204. Jackie, I just had dinner with Red,
and he totally freaked me out.
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205. So, first I need you to
stick your hand in my Chucks.
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206. Then I need you to hang out with me,
because I'm really afraid to be alone.
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207. - No. No, Michael. I am spending time with Donna.
- Okay, but...
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208. I was gonna take you to the mall and tell
everyone you were a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.
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209. Wait, wait. You never want to do that.
Okay. Let's go.
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210. Huh.
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211. I guess it's just
you and me, Leo.
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212. A whole pan of lasagna wasted...
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213. and it's a recession.
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214. - Kitty, you don't understand.
- I understand that you need to start acting like a parent.
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215. But we have different
responsibilities as parents.
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216. Your job is to tell him
that he's cute and to clean his ears.
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217. My job is to make him a man,
which he's not.
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218. Dad, I'm...
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219. I'm right here.
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220. Shut up, boy.
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221. You see how he shuts up?
That's not right.
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222. I give up.
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223. - Wow, she seems mad.
- Ah, she'll burn it off on her Exercycle.
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224. - We really did freak out those guys tonight, huh?
- Hmm!
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225. Now, it's time to go after Kelso...
the head dummy.
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226. And we're gonna have
the junior dummies help us out.
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227. You know what?
We make a good team.
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228. It's like I'm Batman, and you're...
Er... No. You're... You're Batman.
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229. Hey, Donna? Wait.
Where's Leo?
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230. Oh, he left. He asked if he could try on
my dad's clothes, and I said no, so he left.
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231. What? He left?
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232. That jerk.
What a bad friend.
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233. Jackie, you left too.
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234. I know, I know. Look, that's why I'm here.
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235. I was at the mall signing autographs
for a bunch of sixth graders.
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236. You know,
"Go, Cowboys. Love, Jackie."
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237. And then I saw
this little girl crying...
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238. 'cause she couldn't
find her mom...
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239. and she reminded me of you,
so I felt bad.
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240. Jackie, that's so sweet.
So what happened with the little girl?
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241. - She find her mom?
- You know what? I don't know.
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242. I left her with the snow-cone guy.
Yeah. She smelled like poo.
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243. Look, anyways,
my point is...
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244. you know, since you don't have
your mom around anymore...
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245. you need a girl in your life to look
after you, and that's gonna be me.
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246. - Unless I smell like poo.
- Right.
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247. So when Kelso gets here,
he'll walk by the driveway...
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248. which we've iced down
with the hose...
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249. and he'll see a nudie magazine
lying there...
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250. which is perfect for Kelso,
because he can never resist a boob.
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251. - Well, who among us can?
- Right.
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252. So, he'll sprint towards it, slip on the ice
and slide into a giant pile of mud.
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253. Get ready.
I hear footsteps.
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254. - What are we lookin' at?
- Kelso?
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255. Wait, wait. If you're here,
then who is in the driveway?
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256. Oh, crap!
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257. Well, the driveway
was all icy, and I fell.
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258. I think I heard a pop.
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259. - Mrs. Forman, we are so sorry.
- Mom, are you okay?
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260. Okay. Fez, grab her legs.
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261. Get away from her!
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262. Eric, you're grounded
for a week.
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263. But this prank
was your idea!
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264. - Fine. Two weeks!
- Wha...
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265. And the rest of you, get the hell outta here.
Go on now.
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266. Well, this was another prank?
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267. See what happens
when you act like a jackass?
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268. Kitty, I am so sorry...
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269. and I promise:
No more pranks, ever.
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270. Okay.
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271. - So, we're done here.
- Wait!
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272. You're not hurt.
You were faking it.
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273. Oh, don't sound so surprised.
I fake things plenty.
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274. - Wait. So you're not hurt at all?
- Nope.
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275. Wow.
You out-pranked Dad.
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276. No, no, no. It wasn't a prank.
It was a lesson.
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277. And yes, I did.
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278. So, you're the best Forman.
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279. You're Batman.
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280. Now you know.
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