1. Jackie, you clocked out
half an hour ago.
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2. Did you come back
to tell me something?
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3. Because I feel
the same way.
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4. I was waiting outside
for Michael to pick me up,
but the idiot never showed.
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5. That's the third time
this week.
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6. Three strikes and he's out,
according to the rules
of baseball...
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7. And love.
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8. Actually, it's four strikes,
if you count the time
he showed up late...
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9. 'Cause he had to see how
the jetsons ended.
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10. Man, first he goes
behind your back and takes
that modeling job...
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11. And now this whole
jetsons thing?
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12. No futuristic cartoon
could ever keep me from you.
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13. I just don't know
what's happening to us.
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14. Okay. Jackie,
you need to cheer up.
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15. And the first step
to cheering up
is giving Todd a hug.
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16. - Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
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17. I am so glad
I went shopping today!
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18. Hello, Wisconsin!
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19. What do I do?
Run like the wind!
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20. Eric!
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21. Did you get a haircut?
'Cause I love it.
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22. You look just like
Parker Stevenson.
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23. Really? 'Cause I told
the guy that he should—
no, no, no!
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24. That's not gonna work,
tramp-face.
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25. I saw tongue.
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26. Okay, Eric,
I know you and I don't
have the best relationship.
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27. You mean, I hate you,
and you hate me.
Right.
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28. So, let's turn over a new leaf
by you never telling Michael
what you think you just saw.
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29. Hmm.
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30. Or I could just torture you
with this information
until I'm bored.
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31. Eric!
Okay, you know what?
I'll make you a deal.
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32. You can buy two guaranteed hours
of silence...
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33. By carving this wheel of cheddar
into a handsome likeness of me.
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34. And... go.
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35. Red, dinner's ready.
Five more minutes, kitty.
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36. A bunch of birds threw
a “crap on my corvette” party.
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37. If I don't get it off,
the paint will oxidize.
Oxidize!
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38. Why don't you just
put the car
in the garage?
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39. Because if I put the car
in the garage, I can't see it
from the dinner table!
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40. Kitty, don't give advice about
things you don't understand!
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41. Okay.
I'm the crazy one.
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42. Well, um, let's just
go ahead and eat.
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43. Oh, we're not
doing that yet?
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44. You know, ever since red got
his new car, he can barely tear
himself away from it.
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45. You better watch out, kitty,
or you're gonna end up
a corvette widow.
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46. Oh, no, he loves that car.
He deserves it.
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47. The last treat
he bought himself
was a pellet gun...
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48. To shoot the chipmunks
that were stealing
our tomatoes.
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49. And I had to throw that away,
because it was giving him
war nightmares.
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50. I'm glad
you threw it out.
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51. That thing hurt.
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52. Kitty, I know
what I'm talking about.
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53. As soon as my ex-husband
got a boat, it was like
he forgot I even existed.
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54. So I divorced him,
took the boat,
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55. and spent a vigorous
three-day weekend on it
with the harbormaster.
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56. I don't—
I don't think
that's kitchen talk.
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57. Okay, okay.
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58. I saw Jackie...
Making out with the guy
from the cheese shop!
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59. The little dude!
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60. No way!
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61. Yup. But you're
the only one I told,
so don't say a word to anyone.
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62. Okay, my little
secret squirrel?
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63. My lips are sealed.
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64. Good. 'Cause I knew
I could count on you.
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65. You always can.
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66. Think about it.
We hold information...
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67. That could crush
the very heart and soul
of one of our best friends.
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68. I live for days like this!
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69. Oh, but just remember,
you're the only one I told.
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70. Your secret's
safe with me.
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71. Well, you missed
a nice dinner.
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72. Joanne said
the funniest thing.
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73. She said I was gonna end up
a corvette widow.
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74. Isn't that a kick?
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75. Oh, kitty,
I wouldn't leave you
for the car.
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76. Who'd make dinner?
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77. Oh, no.
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78. I think it's the time
to prove joanne wrong.
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79. How are you gonna
prove joanne wrong?
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80. What surprising and thoughtful
deed are you gonna do
to prove joanne wrong?
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81. I'm gonna prove
joanne wrong by...
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82. Taking you out...
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83. On a...
Special date...
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84. Soon.
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85. Tomorrow.
Good answer!
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86. Oh, hey, guys.
It's Kelso's loyal
girlfriend, Jackie.
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87. Hi, Jackie!
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88. Okay, I'm not here
to stay. I just came
to get Michael. Come on.
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89. Oh, no, stay.
We're just gonna hang out
and fool around.
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90. We all know
how much you like to...
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91. Fool around.
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92. Okay, Michael, come on.
Let's go to the hub.
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93. No, I want to stay here
and fool around!
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94. So, hey, Jackie,
how's it going
down at the cheese shop?
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95. You must be so tired from
giving it away at the mall.
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96. What are you laughing at?
I don't know.
What are you laughing at?
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97. I don't know.
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98. What are you laughing at?
I don't know.
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99. What are you laughing at?
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100. I really don't know.
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101. Come on, Michael.
Let's go!
No, let's stay.
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102. We could play monopoly!
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103. Oh, but that wouldn't be much
fun, since we all know that...
Jackie cheats.
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104. I do not!
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105. Oh, you do cheat.
We've all caught you.
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106. Red, this is supposed to be
our special date.
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107. There is nothing special
about an auto show!
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108. Oh, no? How 'bout
it's special 'cause you're
the only woman here.
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109. You're the queen
of the auto show!
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110. - Lord, Grant me
the Serenity to accept—
- oh, come on, kitty.
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111. It'll be fun.
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112. You're always saying
how we should share
each other's interests.
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113. I only said that
to get you to go to
the figurine festival.
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114. Okay, I do. I want us
to share our interests,
so... I'll start.
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115. Teach me about cars.
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116. I'm excited!
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117. That's my girl.
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118. Holy crap!
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119. Look at the paint job
on that t-bird.
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120. Wait here.
I'll be right back.
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121. Wait, wait.
Wait here?
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122. Well, someone's
gotta guard the car.
Who better than the queen?
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123. Not on the bumper!
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124. Oh, Jackie, great.
Just the person
I was looking for.
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125. Look, I've got this... itch
right above my shoulder.
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126. Be a good girl.
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127. Give—
give a little scratch.
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128. Eric, I came here to talk to you
about what happened yesterday.
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129. Okay, but I can't hear you
if you're not scratchin'.
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130. Yeah!
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131. Things between me and Michael
have been weird lately,
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132. and when Todd kissed me,
I guess I just gave in
'cause I felt vulnerable.
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133. But I made
a terrible mistake.
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134. And I was hoping you'd
show me some compassion.
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135. Compassion. Wait, is that
the feeling you get when
someone just shined your shoes?
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136. Because if so,
you are in luck.
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137. And... go.
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138. You know what?
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139. I don't think so.
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140. See, I may have kissed Todd,
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141. but you knew about it
all along and didn't
tell Michael.
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142. And that is way worse
than what I did.
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143. Wait, what?
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144. Yeah. See, girlfriends
are supposed to lie.
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145. That's what we do.
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146. But best friends
are supposed to be loyal,
and you weren't.
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147. So guess what?
You're screwed, 'cause
I'm telling Michael everything!
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148. You wouldn't.
Oh, I so would!
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149. Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
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150. Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
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151. Well— well, this certainly
blew up in my face!
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152. When I tell Michael
what you did, he's gonna
forget all about what I did.
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153. Unless I get to him first.
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154. You wouldn't.
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155. Well, to quote
a certain manager-kissing
cheese maiden I know,
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156. "i so would!"
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157. And... go!
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158. Not here!
Damn it!
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159. Okay, Todd, like,
I know we kissed,
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160. and it was probably, like,
the best kiss you'll ever have.
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161. But it didn't mean anything,
and nothing's gonna come of it.
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162. So you're gonna
have to get over me.
Oh, you know what?
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163. Please don't fire me,
because I really
need this job.
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164. Okay? Great.
See you tomorrow!
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165. Look, Kelso,
I am so sorry!
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166. Get out of my way.
Wait, Michael!
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167. Great.
He hates me, right?
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168. No. He hates me.
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169. We didn't even
talk about you.
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170. I mean, I told him
about the kiss,
and he just stormed off.
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171. I couldn't even
tell him I'm sorry.
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172. Okay, well—
I'm not going to
feel sorry for you, so—
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173. yeah. I mean,
y-you can't make me.
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174. I just love him so much.
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175. Oh, god.
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176. Okay, look.
Jackie.
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177. I-It's just
one kiss, right?
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178. That's not so bad.
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179. Just tell Kelso what you told me
about, you know, how you
felt vulnerable and stuff.
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180. Now he doesn't even
want to see me.
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181. So, you know what?
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182. We'll go hang out in my basement
and wait for him to come by.
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183. He left his bouncy ball there,
so, you know, he's bound
to be by sometime.
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184. You'd do that for me?
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185. As long as you promise
not to rat me out.
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186. Deal.
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187. So, friends?
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188. As long as you promise
not to tell people
we're friends.
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189. You guys are never
gonna believe this.
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190. Jackie cheated on me.
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191. With the cheese guy!
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192. No!
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193. Yeah. I was just
as shocked as you are.
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194. Well, thank god
all she did was kiss him.
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195. Yeah.
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196. Wait. How do you know
all she did was kiss him?
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197. Kiss?
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198. Gee, i—
I didn't say "kiss."
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199. Don't make fun of my accent.
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200. That cheese guy's
lucky he's a little fella,
or I'd kick his ass.
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201. Just, boom!
Right in the ass!
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202. Hey, man, you gotta
kick his ass.
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203. Like, on fantasy island,
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204. if tattoo took one of
Mr. Roarke's women up to his
little tower and put it to her,
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205. roarke would slap
that little dude
like a drunk southern widow!
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206. Then he'd hit him off
with some vicious voodoo.
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207. Voodoo on tattoo.
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208. Voodoo.
Tattoo.
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209. Peekaboo.
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210. Honeydew.
Kung fu.
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211. Koo-koo-ka-choo.
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212. I'm done.
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213. Well, look who's finally back.
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214. While you were gone, some guy
came by to compliment me
on my headlights.
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215. Pretty sure
he wasn't talkin'
about the car!
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216. I got us funnel cakes!
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217. It's like a second honeymoon.
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218. Kitty, not in the car.
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219. Hey, nice vette.
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220. You should come see
the custom job I did on mine.
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221. Cost me three grand
and a marriage.
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222. Three grand?
And a marriage!
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223. I'll only
be a minute, kitty.
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224. What are you lookin' at,
gearhead?
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225. Your ass is mine,
cheese puff!
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226. How did you know
my nickname?
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227. Wait, your nickname's
cheese puff?
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228. Stay focused.
Kick his ass!
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229. Yeah, right.
Good. Yeah.
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230. What do you think you're doing
kissing my girlfriend huh? Huh?
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231. Well, maybe if you
paid more attention to
that gorgeous creature...
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232. Than your little modeling gig,
it wouldn't have happened.
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233. Little?
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234. That picture sold hundreds
of young men's briefs all over
the greater kenosha area!
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235. It's true.
I bought three pairs.
Very supportive.
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236. Yeah, so look.
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237. I know you're a little fella,
but I can't let you go around
kissin' my girlfriend.
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238. So you're gonna
have to take a punch.
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239. I understand.
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240. That didn't look
like it hurt him at all.
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241. Well, I guess
it's my turn.
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242. Okay. I didn't
mean to scare you,
little guy.
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243. I'm a black belt.
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244. All right!
Didn't see that coming!
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245. Thanks to your
funnel-cake accident,
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246. I'll have to spend
half the night
cleaning out the car.
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247. Well, I hope you two
will be very happy together.
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248. Mrs. Forman! Mrs. Forman,
I have a black eye,
and I need ice!
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249. I'm not doing anything else
for men today.
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250. Just go away.
No. I'm not gonna
go away.
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251. I'm having a really bad day.
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252. I got decked by a guy
who kissed Jackie.
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253. He was huge.
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254. And she thinks that it was
okay to kiss him, because
I've been ignorin' her for work.
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255. Which I barely did!
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256. And I got a black eye,
and I need someone
to care about me!
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257. Well, well, well.
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258. Michael ignored Jackie,
and she kissed another boy.
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259. That is completely different!
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260. He ignored her for a stupid job.
I ignored you for a car!
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261. - Crap.
- Oh, burn!
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262. How many times
you want to get hit today?
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263. Kitty, I'm sorry.
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264. Next time, I'll be happy
to forget about the car...
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265. And go to whatever figurine,
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266. quilting, macramé,
man-killing thing
you want to do.
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267. Actually, there's a knitting bee
at the community center
right now.
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268. You're kidding.
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269. And you know what they say
about those knitters:
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270. They spin quite a yarn!
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271. You know what would really
teach me a lesson?
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272. Leaving me at home to,
you know, think about
what I've done.
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273. If you're not in that car
in two seconds, I'll make you
carry my knitting basket.
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274. Coming, dear.
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275. Wait, wait, wait.
So Kelso got beat up?
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276. Yeah, by the little dude
at the cheese shop.
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277. It was awesome, man.
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278. Like a hurricane of tiny fists.
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279. All right, look.
Jackie, here's the deal.
You cheated on me.
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280. You used to cheat on me
all the time!
Yeah?
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281. Well, yeah.
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282. But you cheated out of hate,
and I cheated out of joy.
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283. I didn't cheat
out of hate, Michael.
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284. I cheated because lately,
you've been acting
like I don't exist.
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285. Well, I sure know
you exist now that you
frenched the whole mall!
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286. Look, I know that
I need to pay
more attention to you,
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287. and I want to
forgive you,
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288. but I have all this anger
built up inside of me
and nowhere to put it.
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289. Eric knew about the kiss
all along and didn't tell you.
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290. - You knew?
- Jackie.
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291. What'd you expect?
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292. You're a dead man,
Forman!
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293. Get him, Michael!
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294. Well, guys, uh,
just so you're up to speed,
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295. I knew about the kiss all along.
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296. Eric told me.
He made me his secret squirrel.
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297. What? That dill-hole said
I was the only one he told.
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298. Me too!
Me too!
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299. It was hilarious.
You guys should've seen it.
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300. Kelso's foot got stuck
in a gopher hole,
and— and—
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301. hey, w— w-why are you guys
all looking at me like that?
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302. I was your secret squirrel?
You son of a bitch!
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303. Get him!
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304. The '58's the only one
with the chrome detail.
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305. Mmm.
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306. Men and cars.
Never got it, never will.
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