1. Hey, hey.
Do you guys hear that?
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2. That was me.
I had hot dogs for lunch.
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3. Not that. I'm talking about
the sweet sound of no women.
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4. I never hear that.
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5. Jackie's voice
is burned into my brain.
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6. I wish it would stop,
but it won't.
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7. Remember back in the day
when it was just us guys?
That was good times.
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8. More like desperate,
"I don't care if
she has a mustache,
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9. I'll take her anyway"
times.
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10. You know what?
I say, who needs women?
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11. Come on! Let's get crazy.
What was that?
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12. Did someone say mini golf?
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13. I'm still not allowed
back in there.
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14. I mean, what's the point
of having a windmill
you can't ride?
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15. We could go beer bowling.
That's always fun.
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16. I am in, because beer
makes you a better bowler.
That's a proven fact.
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17. Wait. Do I have to use
the pink ladies' ball again?
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18. Now, Fez, why do you
ask that question when
you already know the answer?
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19. Pink ball only
until I lose my virginity.
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20. Sorry.
Them's the rules.
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21. All right, fellas.
You know the rules.
You get a strike, you chug.
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22. You get a gutter ball,
you chug.
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23. You get a 7-10 split,
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24. seven to 10 chugs.
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25. Hey, guys, look.
I got 10-pound balls.
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26. Man, that joke
never gets old.
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27. Hey, guys, my balls
have holes in them.
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28. Now, why isn't that funny?
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29. This is livin'.
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30. A little bowling,
a lot of beer,
and just us guys.
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31. Hey.
Hey.
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32. Man, bowling-alley chicks
are easy.
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33. Hello, Wisconsin!
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34. Jill.
Glad you could make it.
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35. Guys, this is Jill,
the girl I told you about.
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36. Oh, you're the one
that hasn't put out yet.
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37. Ay!
Nice to meet you.
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38. You too.
So, who's up first?
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39. Me.
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40. Can I be next?
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41. Hey, buddy?
Hyde? Buddy?
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42. Can I talk to you
for a second, buddy?
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43. Hyde, what's goin' on?
I thought this was supposed
to be guys' night.
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44. Don't worry about it, man.
She's-she's cool.
She's like one of us.
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45. In three beers, she'll be
belchin' like a Kennedy.
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46. This is
"guys' night only," man.
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47. Yeah, I say
out with the whore.
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48. Hey, I'll buy
the next round of beer.
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49. The whore stays.
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50. Okay, good night,
you two.
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51. Boy, that joanne—
she's somethin', huh?
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52. Yeah, she's nice.
I like her.
Good. Good.
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53. Me too.
Not that I'm ready
to jump into anything.
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54. I hate jumping.
Makes me jiggle.
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55. But I won't like her
if it bothers you,
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56. 'cause I know
you've had a tough time
since your mom left.
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57. No, dad, I think it's nice
that you have a friend.
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58. Really?
Yeah.
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59. I also think it's nice
that you're bathing
and shaving again.
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60. Yeah. That was a long
eight weeks, wasn't it?
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61. So long.
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62. Boy, kitty,
you missed a great game.
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63. The bucks made
a last-second shot
and sent those Lakers home...
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64. With their tails
between their California
fruitcake asses!
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65. Go home, fruitcakes!
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66. I've never seen old
pastor Dave so excited.
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67. He swore at the referee.
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68. "Son of a stitch."
I said, "son of a stitch."
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69. Oh, well, I'm sure
that fooled god.
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70. Hey, Dave, the celtics
are in town tomorrow.
You up for it?
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71. I'm in!
Oh. Pastor Dave,
tomorrow's Sunday.
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72. You have church
on Sunday.
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73. Right, church.
Church, right.
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74. Well, just get someone
to sub for you.
Every Sunday,
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75. I see six other guys
up there in robes...
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76. Who only shake
themselves awake
when the wine comes out.
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77. Any one of them
could do your job.
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78. Well, if god didn't want me
to go to basketball,
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79. he wouldn't have made
foam fingers so much fun.
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80. Check it out.
The hand of god
is pointing at you.
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81. Okay, see you at church.
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82. Yes!
Another strike for Forman.
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83. Man, is there anything better
than bowling with the boys?
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84. Yeah.
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85. - Making out with a chick.
- Exactly.
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86. But first— hey, Kelso,
there are words on my balls.
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87. Let's go.
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88. Fine. Go.
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89. But they're gonna miss
the finest game of 10-pin since
"marvelous" Marv winkleman,
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90. Wisconsin's "velvet thumb."
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91. Yes!
It's another strike!
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92. You guys, I'm in some kind
of... beery zone.
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93. All right. That's it.
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94. Hey, Jill?
Hey, thanks for stopping by.
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95. Hyde, wipe your mouth.
Let's go.
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96. I was gonna go home
with Jill.
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97. Well, we came together, Hyde,
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98. so I kind of think
we should leave together.
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99. Fine.
Steven, call me later.
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100. Forman, what the hell
are you doing, man?
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101. Me?
You spent all night...
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102. Making out with
little miss can't-find-a-bra.
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103. Hey!
Come on.
You made me the third wheel.
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104. Who cares, man?
Her parents are out of town,
and they got a water bed!
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105. But you killed that dream.
I'm out of here.
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106. But— you don't get
to storm out, okay?
I storm out!
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107. Hiya, Princess.
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108. Rhonda?
What are you doing here?
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109. Waitin' for Fez,
chompin' some cheese curls.
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110. You know what?
Michael doesn't tell me
where he goes either.
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111. I hate that.
Kelso and Fez are on
their way back from bowling.
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112. They want to make out.
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113. How'd you know all this?
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114. Let's French, ladies!
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115. Michael, she's in the loop!
Why am I not in the loop?
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116. All right. Look, Jackie.
I don't know what loop
you're talking about,
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117. but...
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118. If she's already in it,
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119. I don't think
there's gonna be
room for you too.
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120. Donna. Well,
you're up early.
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121. Surprisingly early.
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122. You slept here?
Already?
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123. You just met!
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124. Listen, Donna,
I'm gonna be
honest with you.
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125. Your father and I
have started an...
Intimate relationship.
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126. And, you know, it's still
a little awkward for us.
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127. Emotionally,
not physically.
Well, a little—
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128. I think I might be sick.
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129. Look, I know this is a lot
for you to take in right now.
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130. But I think
it would be better
for all of us...
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131. To just stop the charade
and get it all out
in the open.
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132. Joanne!
When did you get here?
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133. Oh, my god.
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134. Oh, look at the time.
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135. And on a personal note,
I have an announcement to make.
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136. I have always found happiness
in serving the good people
of point place.
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137. But after talking
to a dear friend,
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138. I realized that church
is just not where the party is,
if you know what I mean.
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139. So I'm resigning
as your pastor...
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140. Thanks to my friend
red Forman.
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141. Red, give the crowd a wave.
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142. Well, if you weren't
going to hell before,
you're going first class now.
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143. Go, bucks!
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144. Kelso,
you should tell Jackie
where you go.
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145. That way,
when she wants to do it,
she can find you and do it.
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146. Boy, do I want to do it.
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147. Fez, the foundation
of every good relationship
is three words:
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148. "I don't know."
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149. "Where are you going?"
"I don't know."
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150. "What are you thinking about?"
"I don't know."
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151. "Who's that under you?"
"I don't know."
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152. You see, it's bulletproof.
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153. Why are you friends with him?
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154. I don't know.
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155. Hyde, what the hell?
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156. What is she doing
in my seat?
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157. I don't know.
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158. That's a good one, Kelso.
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159. Just sit on the floor.
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160. The floor?
Why don't I
sit on the floor?
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161. Visitors get the floor,
all right?
And that's you, Terri tube top.
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162. Oh, and by the way,
it's winter!
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163. You're a drag.
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164. Okay, well,
sayonara, yoko.
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165. What?
We're kind of the Beatles.
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166. So it's just supposed to be
guys' night out, right?
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167. And in walks
Hyde's skank of the week
to wreck it all.
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168. Years of friendship trumped
by one pair of lopsided boobs.
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169. Yeah, that's right.
I noticed,
but I didn't say anything...
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170. Because I'm nice.
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171. I had to talk to my dad's
new girlfriend about
the sex they had last night.
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172. Yeah, okay, you win.
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173. You know, at first,
I thought it was great
my dad had a friend.
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174. But when I found out
they were doin' it,
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175. it took things to, like,
a sick place, you know?
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176. And it really
made me realize
that my mom is gone.
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177. Like, gone.
Maybe you should
say something.
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178. No. He's been through
so much.
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179. I mean, I want him
to be happy, you know?
Yeah.
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180. So Bob's sleeping
with joanne, huh?
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181. God, am I, like,
the only guy in point place
who's not gettin' any?
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182. Yes. Yes, you are.
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183. And you think
that's funny?
Yes. Yes, I do.
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184. Well, Mrs. Candiotti
just told me to shove...
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185. A very holy book
in a very unholy place.
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186. Nice going, red.
The whole church hates us now.
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187. Kitty, I had nothing to do
with Dave leaving the church.
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188. You know, god works
in mysterious ways.
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189. "Let he who is without"--
oh, can it.
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190. Well, the torch-carrying mob
will be here any minute.
Better turn on the light.
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191. They won't need a light.
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192. They've got torches.
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193. Rhonda?
How'd you get in here?
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194. I used my key.
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195. Michael, why does
she have a key and I don't?
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196. Well, it's not because
everyone doesn't want you
to have one.
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197. That's for sure.
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198. Don't sweat it, small stuff.
We're all part of the gang.
Excuse me?
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199. Uh, no.
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200. I had to kiss butt
for, like, a year
to be part of this gang.
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201. That was you being nice?
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202. Good god! She thinks
she was being nice?
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203. Look, all I know is
you are not
a part of this gang.
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204. Really?
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205. Well,
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206. snow white,
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207. why don't we
wrestle for it?
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208. And if I win, I'm in.
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209. Street rules.
No tap-outs.
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210. Okay, okay, you're in!
Yea! I'm in!
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211. That's nice, but...
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212. Maybe you should
wrestle her anyways.
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213. Oh, yeah!
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214. All right. Shirts off!
Let's get it on!
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215. Oh, good.
You're both here.
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216. Look, I know you two
are together,
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217. and, dad,
I want you to be happy.
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218. But I just don't think
I'm ready for this.
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219. Joanne!
When did you get here?
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220. Dad!
Bob!
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221. All right. Donna,
what do you want us to do?
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222. - You want us
to stop seeing each other?
- No. No.
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223. It's just that—
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224. well, could you go back
to lying to me?
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225. I mean, that seemed to work.
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226. I am always in favor of lying
when it comes to children.
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227. Bob, we were honest
with Donna,
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228. and now she's being
honest with us.
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229. We'll hold off
on the overnight visits
for a while.
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230. Thank you. Thanks.
That's really—
thanks.
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231. Well, if you're not
staying the night,
we'd better get upstairs.
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232. Oh, hey, Hyde.
Is that you?
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233. I didn't recognize you
without skankarilla
hanging off your face.
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234. Are you still on this?
It's like having a wife.
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235. Listen, don't flatter yourself.
I'd only marry someone
who's nice to his friends.
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236. Her friends. Shut up.
The— the point is—
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237. yeah, man, I get the point.
And you can drop it, all right?
She dumped me.
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238. What?
Yeah. She said
she didn't like you.
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239. I told her,
"too bad. We're friends."
And that was it.
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240. Oh, man, I feel terrible.
Is there anything I can do?
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241. I don't know, man.
I kind of really liked her.
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242. Hey, how does
10 bucks sound?
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243. Forman, 10 lousy bucks
can't replace Jill.
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244. Yeah.
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245. How about 20?
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246. Jill who?
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247. Okay.
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248. Hey, red.
Dave, what's with you?
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249. You don't just
up and leave the church...
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250. Because I invited you to
a basketball game on Sunday.
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251. Red, you said it yourself.
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252. There are six guys
who would take my place.
No one would notice.
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253. Sit down, Dave.
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254. Let me tell you
a little story...
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255. About three bags
of dog crap.
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256. One on my front porch,
one in my mailbox,
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257. and one in the backseat
of my car,
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258. all from people who are
so upset about losing you...
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259. That they are willing to find,
handle and bag dog crap.
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260. Really?
My congregation...
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261. Has turned to vandalism
and petty harassment
on account of me?
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262. I am truly blessed.
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263. - Then you're staying?
- Yeah.
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264. Good. Now, come on.
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265. Let's celebrate
by returning those bags
to their rightful owner.
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266. Like it says in the Bible,
"as you sow,
so shall you reap."
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267. Jesus was talking about love,
but it works
for doggy doo, I think.
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268. Jill, what are you
doing here?
All right. I confess.
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269. 'Twas me.
I asked Jill
to meet us here.
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270. Jill, Hyde's my friend.
That's no reason
to break up with him.
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271. What?
He broke up with me.
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272. He said he had
to spend time with you...
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273. Because of
some brain inflammation that
made you act like a dill-hole.
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274. But I don't have
a brain thing.
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275. He forgets he has it.
It's part of the disease.
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276. Why did you lie to me?
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277. Yeah, and me.
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278. Well, the thing is...
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279. You like
the little river band.
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280. I mean, i—
I can't be with a girl
who likes the little river band.
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281. Yeah, take that, missy!
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282. And you!
You wouldn't shut up about
me making out on guys' night,
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283. which wouldn't have bothered you
if you had a tongue
stuck down your throat.
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284. So for the love of god,
man, find a tongue!
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285. I do need a tongue.
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286. Hey, Jill, I like
the little river band.
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287. You're both freaks!
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288. Nice try.
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289. What are you guys doing here?
Jackie and Rhonda
are all mad at us.
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290. We encourage one little
topless girl fight.
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291. And then all the sudden,
we're the jerks.
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292. - So let's bowl.
- Hey, guys, look.
I got 10-pound balls.
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293. Hey, guys, my balls
are black and blue.
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294. Good one.
That's nice.
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295. That's funny.
That was good.
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296. My balls
are finally funny.
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297. No, no, no, no.
No tap-outs, you girl.
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298. Yes! We have a winner!
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