1. So, what are you boys
doing tonight?
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2. Well, this evening, Miss Big Rhonda
returns from the dirt farms of Mississippi.
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3. I am off to the bus station...
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4. and she will melt
into my loving arms.
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5. Well, you better wear a raincoat,
'cause she ain't small.
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6. She is big, isn't she?
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7. Well, I'm taking
this chick up to the lake for some...
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8. you know, bird-watching.
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9. Ooh, bird-watching.
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10. I think me and Jackie are going
to go "bird-watching" too.
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11. It's cool, 'cause they don't know
what we're talking about.
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12. Think they cracked it, Kelso.
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13. Well, I guess it's just us Three Musketeers
tonight, huh?
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14. "All for one and one for all," right?
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15. Well, um, actually...
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16. your father and I were
gonna do some reading...
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17. upstairs...
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18. together.
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19. What your mom's trying to say is,
"Go away for 20 minutes."
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20. Forty-five minutes, Red.
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21. - Thirty.
- Thirty-five.
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22. Fine.
Get lost for 35 minutes.
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23. Fine. But you know what?
I got a little question for you.
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24. Why have kids if you ain't
gonna spend time with them?
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25. I suggest you use your 35 minutes
to think about that.
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26. He needs a new girlfriend.
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27. Come on, Kitty.
You're on the clock.
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28. Oh, you know what? Just turn off your clock.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
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29. You can't turn off the clock!
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30. She doesn't understand the clock.
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31. Cocoa Puff!
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32. Mashed potato!
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33. - What are you doing here?
- Well, I wanted to see you...
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34. because I wanted
to ask you something.
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35. - Will you go out with me this Saturday?
- Oh, my God.
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36. Course I will!
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37. Can't...
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38. breathe.
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39. - It hurts.
- Ah, suck it up.
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40. Wow, strong girl.
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41. Crap-alula.
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42. Fez just asked me out.
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43. I'm so nervous, and I left
my asthma puffer in Mississippi.
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44. I've never been on a real date.
What am I gonna wear?
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45. Who cares?
You could be naked with a welding hat...
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46. and Fez'd still be all over you.
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47. Well, that sounds fun.
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48. But I want it to be special.
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49. - You know what? We'll help you get ready.
- Really?
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50. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that'll be great. I wanna look pretty.
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51. Pretty?
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52. Oh, sweetie, maybe you can
learn some jokes or something.
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53. Look, dropout, this coupon says
20 cents off the athlete's-foot cream.
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54. - So pay up!
- Is there, uh, a problem here?
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55. This sad little man
has fungussy feet but won't spend the 20...
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56. Stacy.
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57. Mr. Forman, his coupon expired.
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58. Oh, that's all right.
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59. Here's your 20 cents.
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60. Now, you come again, huh?
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61. - Mushroom foot.
- Stacy!
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62. I'm sorry, Mr. Forman.
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63. It's just that he's such a dumb-ass.
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64. I like you.
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65. Hey, you know who I like?
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66. Nixon?
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67. Stacy, that cute, new cashier at work.
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68. You should ask her out.
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69. Sorry, Dad. I don't like to
dip my pen in the company ink.
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70. Well, I don't like you being home
three Fridays in a row.
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71. Look, if you don't have
the guts to talk to her...
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72. - I'll pave the way.
- Hey.
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73. Listen, if anyone's
gonna talk to her...
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74. I'll talk to her.
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75. Well, then we know
no one's gonna talk to her.
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76. Hey, I might.
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77. You...
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78. You still like girls, don't you, Son?
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79. No, Dad, they're yucky.
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80. Oh, my God.
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81. I know. She is seriously hot.
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82. No, not her. This KISS alarm clock.
Check it out.
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83. Wake up.
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84. Yeah, this I like.
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85. Forman, you have a responsibility
to all of us...
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86. to find out what's
underneath that smock.
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87. I bet it's boobs.
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88. So, spying on her, huh?
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89. Well, that's mature.
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90. Why don't you just
pull her hair and run?
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91. - Yes, let's do that.
- All right. All right, all right.
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92. All right.
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93. All right.
I'm gonna go do this.
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94. - Yeah, all right. I can't do this.
- Oh, geez.
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95. - I'll go talk to her.
- No!
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96. What? Now you're gonna
start listening to me?
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97. Go!
Grease the wheels, pal.
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98. Thanks for doing this.
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99. I know you guys'll
make me pretty and stuff.
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100. Rhonda, it's no problem.
We'll just help you pick some nice clothes...
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101. clean clothes... and...
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102. maybe do your hair...
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103. clean hair.
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104. Okay,
the beauty ambulance has arrived!
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105. So, first things first.
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106. Let's get rid of those shoulder pads.
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107. What shoulder pads?
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108. Okay.
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109. So, Stacy,
my son Eric is about your age.
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110. And he's a real nice guy...
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111. skinny but nice.
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112. And I was thinking...
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113. the two of you should go out.
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114. What do you say?
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115. Well, I kinda like someone else.
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116. Oh!
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117. Oh.
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118. Oh...
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119. no.
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120. Hey.
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121. - So, did she like me?
- Who?
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122. - Stacy.
- Who's Stacy?
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123. - She's not interested.
- She's not interested?
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124. How can she not be interested?
Who is she?
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125. See? I knew I shouldn't have let you talk
to her. Great. Now she thinks I'm a freak.
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126. Oh, she doesn't think you're a freak.
Does she?
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127. Yes. Yes, she does.
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128. - You better stay away from her.
- Well, your father's right.
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129. If anyone's a freak, she is.
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130. Did Stacy actually
use the word "freak"?
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131. Why don't you just let it go?
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132. Maybe the reason girls
don't like you...
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133. is because you
just don't let things go!
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134. Stacy was saying just that thing today.
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135. I'm gonna go take a bath.
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136. Well, now, who is this Stacy
who doesn't like my son?
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137. I have half a mind to call her mother.
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138. I tried to set Eric up
with this pretty girl at wor...
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139. Well... not pretty.
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140. Decent.
Less ugly than most.
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141. Good enough for a young boy, but...
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142. no man would be interested.
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143. Red, what are you talking about?
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144. Why can't anyone in this family
just let things go?
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145. Red, you're blushing.
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146. Don't tell me she has a crush on you.
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147. Kitty, I don't wanna talk about it.
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148. Okay.
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149. So, do you...
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150. like her back?
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151. Hi. Stacy.
Hi. I'm Eric Forman.
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152. Look, I, uh, feel a little silly...
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153. about my dad asking you out for me.
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154. You probably thought I was, like...
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155. ugly or... slow or something.
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156. So, I just wanted to say hi...
you know, give you a chance to...
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157. you know, take a gander
at the goods, so to speak...
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158. and, uh, see if maybe, uh, tomorrow night
you wanted to have dinner?
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159. At your house?
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160. Will your dad be there?
'Cause I'll go if he's there.
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161. Okay.
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162. What, do you, like...
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163. Do you, like, like my dad?
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164. Oh, my God!
You like my dad?
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165. Do you know
if he's seeing anyone?
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166. Yeah.
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167. My mom.
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168. And they bought
furniture together, so...
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169. yeah, I think it's pretty serious.
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170. Ladies sit up straight.
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171. Candy! Ca...
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172. - Jackie, she doesn't have to sit like that.
- Yes, she does.
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173. - Stop doing that!
- You stop doing that!
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174. Hey! If I don't get a freakin' M&M,
I'm gonna start swingin'!
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175. You stay out of this.
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176. Jackie, try to be more sensitive.
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177. Donna, I am not gonna send her
on her date looking like Sasquatch.
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178. Huh?
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179. She said you're very pretty... "atch."
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180. Hey, guys.
I got news.
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181. Turns out Stacy doesn't even like me.
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182. - Yeah, we kind of expected that.
- Ooh.
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183. I thought you said you had news.
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184. Well, yeah.
Here it comes.
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185. - She likes Red.
- Ohh!
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186. - Oh, my God!
- Ohh.
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187. You're gonna have to leave town!
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188. - Why?
- Oh, 'cause we're gonna tell everyone!
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189. Tell me this.
How'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl?
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190. Look at me.
I'm an attractive man.
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191. Well, I got you.
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192. Technically, I got you.
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193. And then you blew it.
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194. Which means you didn't lose it,
because you never had it.
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195. See, there's your silver lining.
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196. Eric, you have a lot of good qualities.
I mean, you're funny. Like...
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197. Well, what just
happened to you is funny.
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198. Look, that chick likes Red
because he's a tough guy, a hard-ass.
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199. You? You're soft.
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200. How soft is he, Hyde?
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201. Softer than Liberace
at the Playboy Mansion.
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202. Yeah!
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203. 'Cause he plays piano.
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204. Wait.
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205. Ohh!
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206. Burn!
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207. You guys kill me.
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208. Look.
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209. How come Red is such a hard-ass,
and I am so...
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210. I mean...
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211. Okay, when a bear has a baby...
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212. it's a little bear, right?
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213. My dad's a bear, but I'm like...
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214. a duck.
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215. Eric, you were a bear
when you were born...
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216. but Red pounded you into
the duck that we know and love.
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217. So, what are you saying?
It's... It's Red's fault?
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218. Yeah. But the good news is,
as a duck...
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219. you can move more easily
through the water.
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220. And now back to Night of the Living Dead.
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221. Is everything okay over there, Stacy?
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222. Come here, Mr. Forman.
I wanna show you something.
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223. Holy crap!
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224. You're a zombie!
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225. I... want... Red.
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226. Red!
How could you?
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227. She's a sexy zombie!
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228. She overpowered me!
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229. I knew I couldn't trust you,
you cheater!
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230. Kitty!
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231. What the hell was that?
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232. Oh, Kitty.
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233. Oh, I need to talk to you.
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234. I just wanna say...
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235. with regard to this Stacy thing...
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236. Look.
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237. I'm bound to attract
a certain amount of attention.
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238. I can't help that.
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239. - But I would never...
- Oh, Red.
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240. You wouldn't stray.
You've got too much character.
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241. And who could blame her
for being interested?
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242. You're certainly interesting to me.
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243. Really?
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244. Do you, uh...
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245. have some spare time?
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246. Why?
Am I on the clock?
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247. I'm thinking 45 minutes.
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248. Ohh.
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249. The scenic route.
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250. I give you...
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251. the new Rhonda!
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252. First time in heels.
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253. So, where's Fez?
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254. Oh, he's nervous,
so he's in the "whoo-hoo."
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255. Have you been working
on her all night?
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256. She wouldn't even let me pee.
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257. I'd squash her like a bug
if I could catch her.
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258. But I do look pretty.
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259. Rhonda, is that you?
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260. Boy, you look like a different girl.
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261. Do you like it?
Oh!
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262. Well, I thought
we would begin our evening...
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263. with a hot dog eating contest.
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264. Now, I realize
you're county champion...
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265. but I think I could
make it interesting.
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266. Sorry, Fez.
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267. I don't eat hot dogs
for glory or money anymore.
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268. It's not ladylike.
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269. - Says who?
- Says them.
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270. Them?
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271. What have you meddling whores
done to my Rhonda?
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272. - It was Jackie.
- It was Donna.
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273. Fez, she wouldn't let her pee or eat.
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274. - Donna called her Sasquatch.
- That was you too!
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275. Shut up!
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276. Shut up. I just want her back like
she was the first night I met her...
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277. on her knees, chugging beer
straight from the keg.
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278. But, Fez, I threw up twice that night.
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279. Yes...
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280. all over my heart.
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281. You big, lovable, clumsy galoot.
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282. And now, it is time that you two left.
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283. Good day.
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284. - But, Fez...
- He said, "Good day"!
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285. So, I'm a duck, huh?
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286. Yeah, we'll see who's a duck.
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287. Oh.
Hey, there you are.
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288. Yeah, we need to talk, man.
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289. I've been thinking out
this whole Stacy thing...
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290. It's your fault.
Yeah.
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291. You were too tough on me,
so now I'm soft.
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292. Oh, boo-hoo.
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293. You don't know
the first thing about tough.
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294. My old man was tough.
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295. When I was your age,
he shipped me off to the navy.
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296. He sure as hell wasn't
settin' me up with cute cashiers.
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297. Which I'm sorry I did.
Because now I've got this...
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298. creepy little girl giving me
google eyes all day...
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299. stickin' heart-shaped
notes in my locker.
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300. And on top of it all...
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301. I had to have a talk with
your mother about infidelity.
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302. That was unpleasant!
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303. So you just be grateful
that your dad...
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304. doesn't yell at you 24 hours a day!
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305. And don't give me that look,
because this isn't yelling!
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306. When I yell, you'll know it!
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307. Well, thanks.
Good talk.
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308. Man, look at all this stuff.
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309. I just realized how happy I am
not to be a girl.
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310. Well, that should have happened
at a much younger age.
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311. - How long was I out?
- Long enough.
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312. You guys wanna get a burger?
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313. Out in public?
Okay, I'll drive.
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314. I'll buy.
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