1. Kelso, what's with the gym shorts?
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2. Oh, something happened.
I had to take my pants off.
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3. Do you shave your legs?
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4. No. It's...
They're just... naturally smooth.
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5. Shut up!
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6. Not to worry, Kelso.
The Puberty Bunny will visit you soon.
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7. So, lab partner...
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8. I guess you and I are gonna be spending
a lot of time together now, huh?
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9. Yeah, Shelly.
And, uh, good thing too...
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10. 'cause, you know, I just shouldn't be
alone around a Bunsen burner.
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11. That is so funny!
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12. Let me go tell my friends
you're driving me home.
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13. Looks like Shelly
has a thing for Forman.
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14. Yes, and Forman
has a thing for Shelly.
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15. And it's in his pants.
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16. Oh, good one, Fez.
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17. Watch. Shelly's gonna invite you over
to her house when her folks aren't home.
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18. That's what slutty girls do.
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19. So, Eric, my parents aren't home.
Let's go to my house.
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20. Huh. Don't you have a girlfriend?
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21. Yeah. That's what's great about it.
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22. See, maybe Donna will get jealous
and her and Shelly will wrestle over you.
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23. - Kelso, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
- Oh, yeah? Think about it.
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24. - He's mine!
- No, he's mine!
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25. - I had him first!
- You're going down!
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26. Kelso, that's the smartest thing
I've ever heard.
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27. Are you sure you don't
want to study at my house?
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28. I mean,
it's just sitting there all empty.
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29. No, come on,
this place was made...
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30. This... this place was made for studying!
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31. Well, okay.
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32. - Hey, Eric.
- Hey, Shelly, look. It's my girlfriend, Donna.
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33. Hi, girlfriend Donna.
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34. Hi, Donna.
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35. You know, Eric, we'll do this later,
when we can be alone.
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36. To study.
We were just studying.
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37. - Eric, you got to hear this...
- We were just studying, Donna, that's all.
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38. Eric, I'm telling a story here.
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39. Kelso was running through the cafeteria and
there were these mashed potatoes on the floor...
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40. She's just my lab partner!
So, mellow out! God!
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41. Uh-huh. So, Kelso
slips on the potatoes...
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42. slides into a pole with his legs spread,
totally wracks himself.
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43. And everybody starts throwing
their carrots and their cheese at him...
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44. chanting...
"Tater nuts! Tater nuts!"
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45. It was awesome!
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46. So, wait. Even though I'm spending time
with Shelly, you're not jealous?
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47. I'm sorry, but you and Shelly?
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48. - What does that mean?
- It means that she can have anyone.
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49. And what does that mean?
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50. - Oh, you're sweet.
- Get off of me!
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51. Well, there's the little patient.
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52. So, how'd it go at the doctor's?
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53. Well, let me put it this way.
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54. If a horse is in good shape,
they say it's healthy as me.
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55. Uh-huh.
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56. And did they say something about
your pants being on fire, liar, liar?
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57. - No.
- I just got off the phone with Dr. Leggett.
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58. He said your blood pressure
is through the roof.
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59. Well, Kitty,
who are you gonna believe?
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60. Some quack doctor or the man who stood by
you while you delivered our children?
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61. Oh, you did not.
You went out for a sub.
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62. Red, from now on, I am going to
make sure you eat right.
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63. No meat, no cheese and no beer.
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64. No beer? You... Ohh!
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65. Oh, that's it, Kitty. Ohh!
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66. You've killed me.
I see the light.
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67. What's that, Lord? It's okay
to eat meat and beer and cheese?
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68. Okay, I'll... I'll tell her.
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69. What that's, Lord?
Dry toast and oatmeal. Will do.
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70. Man, Donna saw Shelly
practically living in my lap.
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71. How could she not be jealous?
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72. I'm hot.
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73. It's because you are decent, good-hearted
and pure. You know, a sissy.
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74. Forman, I think what we need here
is some input from Tater Nuts.
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75. Tater Nuts, what do you think,
Tater Nuts?
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76. Eric, this...
Hey, stop calling me Tater Nuts!
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77. If Donna's not jealous, I mean, it means,
basically, you're in the free and clear.
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78. She's giving you the okay to cheat.
You gotta cheat!
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79. Hmm. Tater Nuts makes sense.
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80. Quit it!
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81. I mean, I could be with Shelly right now,
if I wanted to.
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82. So, why shouldn't I?
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83. Because then you will have two women
when some people have none!
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84. Forget it, Forman.
You're not a cheater.
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85. You know, a wise man once said,
"Know thyself."
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86. That man's name...
was Tater Nuts.
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87. I got to be honest with you, guys.
Okay, I... I do shave my legs.
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88. I just... I just like the way it feels.
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89. No! Come on now!
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90. Hey, Donna. Look, we're not gonna be able
to hang out tonight.
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91. I've got to go to the library with Shelly.
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92. Okay, that's cool. We can just
hang out tomorrow night.
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93. No, yeah, no.
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94. See, yeah, I'm gonna have my hands full
with this project that's due in a few days...
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95. so I'll be off alone with Shelly.
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96. She doesn't wear a bra, you know.
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97. Yeah, whatever. Bye.
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98. Uh-oh. Farmhand got ahold
of the rich lady.
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99. Oh, hi, kids.
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100. Your dad's not really a farmhand.
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101. Yeah. It's just a little intimacy game
we're playing.
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102. - And it's fun!
- Yeah.
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103. I'm sorry you had to see that.
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104. I'm sorry I had to see that.
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105. - Yeah, well, you know, Shelly's waiting for me. So...
- Yeah, Eric, you said that.
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106. Okay, bye.
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107. - He usually gives me a kiss good-bye.
- Yeah. To be honest?
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108. It kinda grosses me out.
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109. Wait, Jackie, should I be worried that
he's spending so much time with Shelly?
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110. Okay, well, normally I'd say yeah,
but Eric would never cheat on you.
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111. I mean, all guys cheat.
But I never really thought of Eric as a guy.
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112. Yeah, he's more like a...
like a really masculine girl.
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113. - Uh-huh.
- Yeah, kind of like you.
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114. Mmm! Lookee, lookee, lookee.
Ribs, corn bread and baked beans.
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115. Come to Papa! Ow!
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116. Ooh, Papa been slapped.
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117. No, now... now that food
is for the kids.
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118. But, here, um, I-I boiled you
some skinless chicken.
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119. Ew! It's gray!
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120. - Laurie!
- I mean, it's gray, yea!
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121. Look, he's already home.
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122. I can't believe
I was so suspicious.
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123. He's such a good guy. I'm gonna write
him a note. A little, "I love you."
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124. You know, Michael
once wrote me a sexy note.
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125. Except, he can't really spell, so I didn't
know what I was supposed to do to him.
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126. Oh, my God!
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127. Donna, you should not leave
your panties in your boyfriend's car.
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128. - I didn't.
- Oh.
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129. Oh!
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130. Oh.
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131. - Is this your card?
- No.
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132. - Is this your card?
- No.
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133. - Is this your card?
- No.
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134. Ah, screw you.
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135. Hey, Kelso, I had a dream
about you last night.
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136. - Really?
- Yeah.
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137. We were doing stuff,
and it was all hot and sweaty...
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138. and I just kept calling
your name over and over.
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139. "Tater Nuts! Tater Nuts!"
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140. Then what?
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141. Hey, Laurie, I found something in Eric's car
that I think must probably be yours.
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142. Is that...
Oh, good heavens, it is.
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143. I am in the presence of panties.
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144. Donna, please. I don't wear pink panties.
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145. Yeah. She'd have to wear panties
to wear pink panties.
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146. Hyde, did you have a girl
in Eric's car?
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147. No. Oh, but I did have
some nachos in there.
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148. And to mess with Forman, I smeared cheese
underneath the seat so it'd really stink.
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149. - Did it stink in there?
- Kind of.
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150. - All right!
- Well, then, whose are they?
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151. Hello? You have not asked me.
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152. Could they not be Fez's panties?
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153. I mean, is that so hard to imagine,
Fez in a car with a woman?
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154. Whose could they be?
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155. All right, Donna, here.
I'll figure this out.
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156. I like to think of myself
as the Columbo of panties.
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157. Yeah. I'd say we're looking at a woman.
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158. Ages 16 to 38...
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159. with a five-figure income.
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160. She lives within a four-mile radius of here
and is very popular with the gentlemen.
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161. Sure, she is. She'll have sex in a car
that stinks like cheese.
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162. So, what you're saying is,
they could be Shelly's.
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163. Come on.
Forman wouldn't cheat on Donna.
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164. Sure he would. Shelly's a tramp.
No man can turn down a tramp.
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165. Well, let's find out.
Laurie, have you ever been turned down?
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166. Nope.
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167. Oh. Sorry, Donna.
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168. Don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for Eric.
'Cause I'm gonna kill him!
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169. Will somebody please open the door
so I can kill Eric?
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170. Hey, there, Red.
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171. Does Mrs. Forman know you're out here
clogging your arteries with a double cheese?
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172. Yes.
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173. So there would be...
no reason to tell her.
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174. Sorry, Red. I don't think
I could lie to Mrs. Forman.
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175. 'Cause I really, really love her.
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176. All right, you blackmailing S.O.B.,
what do you want?
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177. Sure could use some fries.
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178. Here. Now beat it.
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179. You don't have to be rude.
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180. What if this wasn't even the first time?
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181. What if there have been other girls?
Other panties?
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182. Eric, where did these panties come from?
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183. Uh, gee, I don't know.
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184. But there's nothing in the dresser.
Nothing at all.
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185. Okay, but at least my closet is panty-free.
Donna, you have my word.
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186. Okay, Donna, please, ignore the rope
in the middle of the room.
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187. And whatever you do,
don't pull it!
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188. Eric, how do you explain all this?
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189. Panties!
Glorious panties!
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190. Bastard!
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191. - Hey, there, Donna. Where are you going?
- To The Hub to kick Eric's ass!
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192. Yeah, well, kick it good.
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193. Jackie, why is Donna
gonna beat up Eric?
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194. Donna found another woman's panties
in the Vista Cruiser.
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195. - Oh, no!
- I know, right. Eric's cheating on her.
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196. Jackie, those panties were mine.
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197. You and Eric?
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198. No! Me and...
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199. Geez, you're dumb.
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200. Now, remember, we can't have the protons
and electrons right next to each other...
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201. because that would
just be madness.
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202. Madness, I say!
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203. Oh, Eric Forman, you are just
the funniest person I've ever met.
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204. No, I wouldn't go as...
Yes. Yes, I am.
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205. Doesn't your girlfriend mind
you spending so much time with me?
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206. Well, no.
Apparently, she's thrilled about it.
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207. Well, she's crazy.
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208. 'Cause if I was your girlfriend,
I would want to kiss you all the time.
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209. Really?
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210. Whoa! Hey, come on, lady!
I'm spoken for!
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211. Wow!
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212. Hey, did we miss anything?
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213. What? God, no.
You didn't miss anything.
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214. All right, people! Let's back up!
Give 'em some room here!
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215. Hey, Donna, hi, hello.
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216. Don't "Hey, Donna, hi, hello" me.
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217. I trusted you,
and you cheated on me with this slut.
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218. - Uh, Donna, I don't...
- Excuse me?
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219. Yeah, I said it.
You want some of this? Come on!
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220. - Donna, hey, whatever you think happened...
- I know what happened.
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221. - I found these in your car.
- Panties?
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222. Aha! So he admits they are panties.
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223. Hey, next time you fool around
with someone else's boyfriend...
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224. why don't you take your panties
when you're done?
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225. Those aren't mine.
Mine are white. And cotton.
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226. With a little pink rose in the front.
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227. So these are some
other girl's panties?
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228. Whoa, whoa! No offense, Donna,
but, dude, you're on fire!
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229. You know what, Eric?
I don't need this.
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230. Oh, and by the way,
your car smells like cheese.
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231. Donna, look, you have to believe me.
I have no idea whose panties those are.
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232. Donna, those panties are mine.
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233. Eric! Ohh! Ohh!
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234. You are a god!
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235. A god, I say!
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236. Um...
Mom...
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237. why were your panties
in the Vista Cruiser?
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238. And please be as specific.
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239. Donna, when you've been together
as long as your father and I have...
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240. you need to do creative things
in creative places.
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241. - Ew!
- Ohh! Gads!
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242. Psst. Daddy, here.
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243. Red, you eating again? I thought
you'd be full after that burger.
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244. - Burger?
- Yeah. The broccoli burger.
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245. Oh, you are lying!
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246. Well, come on, Kitty.
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247. This isn't food.
This is what food eats.
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248. Well, but it's good for you.
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249. Well, if it's so good, how come
I'm the only one that has to eat it?
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250. Good point.
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251. Hey, he's the food sneaker!
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252. - Eat up!
- You wanna mess with me again? You just come on back.
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253. - Say it again.
- I already said it.
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254. - Come on, one more time.
- You're hot.
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255. - Hot enough to get Shelly?
- Hot enough to get Shelly.
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256. - Hot enough to get any girl I want?
- Hot enough to get Shelly.
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257. Yeah. That's just good stuff.
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258. You know, Eric, you don't have to rub it in.
I know I made an ass out of myself.
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259. Well, you know what? That's what
you get for taking me for granted.
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260. 'Cause, Donna, I may be skinny, but...
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261. Yeah, I'm Mick Jagger skinny and that's
very in right now. Yeah, it's very hot.
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262. Eric, I know you're hot,
'cause you're with me.
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263. Okay. So, what have
we learned from all this?
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264. - Always lock the doors to the Vista Cruiser.
- Right you are.
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265. Man, Bob and Midge
must really hate me.
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266. 'Cause right after having sex in my car,
I think they smeared cheese under the seat.
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267. That's just mean.
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268. There. Okay, I think it's safe
for human occupancy again.
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269. Uh-oh.
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270. Looks like Bob left something
in the car too.
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271. Eric, you must sell this car.
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272. Or call a priest.
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