1. Oh, don't put Batman
in the clam of death, Riddler.Copy !req
2. That's just gonna make him mad.Copy !req
3. God, you're stupid.Copy !req
4. Fez, for the last time,
the Riddler can't hear you.Copy !req
5. Riddle me this, Riddler.Copy !req
6. When Batman escapes
from the clam of death...Copy !req
7. who will kick your riddle-telling ass in?Copy !req
8. Hey, Fez. Riddle me this.Copy !req
9. Then riddle me this.Copy !req
10. Oh, but, Fez,
only if you riddle me this.Copy !req
11. Ow!Copy !req
12. Riddle me this,
you son of a bitch!Copy !req
13. - Oh, my God! Guess what!
- Stop! Fez!Copy !req
14. This could be important!Copy !req
15. You guys, the Roller Disco Doo-dah
is coming to Kenosha next Friday!Copy !req
16. Oh, my God! Guess what!Copy !req
17. See, now, that's the kind of thing the judges
really frown upon during competition, Steven.Copy !req
18. Excuse me?Copy !req
19. We're gonna be partners!Copy !req
20. Skating partners.Copy !req
21. Hey, how about instead, you hit me in
the face with a wrench, and I black out?Copy !req
22. Steven...Copy !req
23. this is not just a last chance
at roller disco.Copy !req
24. It's a last chance at love...Copy !req
25. our love.Copy !req
26. Now, will you or will you not
skate with me?Copy !req
27. I would, Jackie...Copy !req
28. but seeing you there
in your cute little skating outfit...Copy !req
29. with all your tassels and sequins...Copy !req
30. I might be tempted to...Copy !req
31. push you down a flight of stairs.Copy !req
32. All right.Copy !req
33. Jackie, what do you say...
you and me, roller disco?Copy !req
34. I mean, we used to have some good moves,
you know, like, when we did it...Copy !req
35. so it would be like that...Copy !req
36. except for with lights and skates.Copy !req
37. Okay. Um, first of all,
you make me sick. Okay?Copy !req
38. Second, you're lame,
and you make me sick.Copy !req
39. Third, you make me sick,
and any one of these guys...Copy !req
40. would be a better partner
than you, even Fez.Copy !req
41. Really? Then I am in.Copy !req
42. Um, no, I didn't really mean it, Fez.Copy !req
43. Oh, then I am out.Copy !req
44. Damn it. Let me in.Copy !req
45. So, who will Jackie choose
as her roller disco partner?Copy !req
46. Who, who, who?Copy !req
47. No freakin' way.Copy !req
48. Hmm, how very sad.Copy !req
49. No one to disco with.Copy !req
50. Now, where did I leave
my potato chips?Copy !req
51. Oh, there they are.Copy !req
52. Look at that.Copy !req
53. I left my soda back
in the other side of the room!Copy !req
54. Refreshing.Copy !req
55. God, my arm is sore!Copy !req
56. Wow, Fez!Copy !req
57. Oh, come on, Jackie!Copy !req
58. You're gonna pick him
over me?Copy !req
59. All right. Watch this.Copy !req
60. Jackie, I'm just
a roller disco machine...Copy !req
61. and I don't work
for nobody but you.Copy !req
62. Okay. Okay, fine.
We'll be partners.Copy !req
63. But hear me now.
I want first prize.Copy !req
64. If I lose and some stupid,
spoiled rich girl wins...Copy !req
65. I'll scream.Copy !req
66. I am really hurt!Copy !req
67. - Hi, sweetie. How was work?
- Oh, pretty good...Copy !req
68. except for the fact that Dad's getting sued
for firing a Price Mart employee.Copy !req
69. Okay. Well, good.
Have a cupcake.Copy !req
70. Mom, did you hear what I said?Copy !req
71. Uh-huh, and it's just so very unpleasant,
I'm ignoring it.Copy !req
72. So, have a cupcake.Copy !req
73. Earl is suing Dad
for wrongful termination.Copy !req
74. Earl? He didn't do his job.
He was always late.Copy !req
75. He was a complete dumb-ass...Copy !req
76. person.Copy !req
77. Mom, you said "ass."Copy !req
78. Well, now so did you.
Give me back the cupcake, foul mouth.Copy !req
79. I can't even imagine the mood
your father's in.Copy !req
80. Actually, he doesn't know yet.
I got the news after he left.Copy !req
81. God, Dad is gonna freak.
I don't know how we're gonna tell him.Copy !req
82. - Tell me what?
- That, uh...Copy !req
83. Mom said the "ass" word.Copy !req
84. Well, now...Copy !req
85. actually, um...Copy !req
86. Red, um...Copy !req
87. You know, Mom,
I got this one.Copy !req
88. Okay, uh, everyone here who's not being sued
by Earl for wrongful termination...Copy !req
89. raise their hand.Copy !req
90. I don't get Jackie, man.Copy !req
91. I mean, picking Fez
over me? Me?Copy !req
92. I have the three things
that women want.Copy !req
93. I'm-I'm hot, and I'm smart.Copy !req
94. That's two things, moron.Copy !req
95. No, it's three.
I count hot twice.Copy !req
96. I mean, come on.Copy !req
97. Kelso, who cares?
It's a stupid roller disco thing.Copy !req
98. Yeah, I guess you're right.Copy !req
99. It's silly for me to be jealous.Copy !req
100. - You're a good friend, Donna.
- Yeah.Copy !req
101. 'Cause when you think about it, I mean,
what does Fez have going for him...Copy !req
102. except an incredibly sexy accent
and an extremely hot body?Copy !req
103. Okay. Now you're being
a bad friend, Donna.Copy !req
104. I mean, come to think of it,
if Fez helps Jackie win a roller disco...Copy !req
105. she might rip his clothes off and have
sex with him right there on the rink.Copy !req
106. That's how hot he is.Copy !req
107. Bad friend, Donna! Bad!Copy !req
108. Oh, look at this guy's complaint.Copy !req
109. "Red Forman was habitually ill-tempered."
Am I ill-tempered?Copy !req
110. No, sir.
You're like Mary Poppins.Copy !req
111. Okay, honey. Well, it says here
you have to go to the labor board.Copy !req
112. You know what, Red Forman,
you have to go in there and defend yourself.Copy !req
113. I'll defend myself.Copy !req
114. I'll go in there,
and I'll tell those morons...Copy !req
115. that they're wasting my time
with this stupid crap!Copy !req
116. Or...Copy !req
117. you could control your temper.Copy !req
118. No offense, Mom, but what's plan "B"?Copy !req
119. Hey, shut it, pal.Copy !req
120. Okay, now, see, that's the kind of thing
that's gonna get you in trouble.Copy !req
121. Now, when... when I get
really angry, I just...Copy !req
122. I laugh it off... like this.Copy !req
123. - See?
- Oh, geez, Kitty. That'll never work.Copy !req
124. That's dumb.Copy !req
125. Oh, my God. I think
Jackie and Fez are next.Copy !req
126. Look! There they are!Copy !req
127. Hey! The next contestants
are cheaters.Copy !req
128. The brown guy is a robot.Copy !req
129. - Robot? Shut up.
- Ladies and gentleman...Copy !req
130. welcome to the rink
our last contestants of the evening...Copy !req
131. from Point Place, Wisconsin,
Jackie Burkhart and, uh...Copy !req
132. Jackie Burkhart's partner!Copy !req
133. Boo!Copy !req
134. This is so cool.Copy !req
135. - Oh, my God. They're amazing!
- Oh, did you see that? Fez just tripped.Copy !req
136. - No, he didn't.
- The foreign guy tripped. That's a deduction right there.Copy !req
137. You're gonna lose!Copy !req
138. Kelso, shut up.Copy !req
139. That's it.
They're doing too well.Copy !req
140. What the hell is that?Copy !req
141. - It's my secret weapon.
- A marble?Copy !req
142. Yep. I'm gonna chuck it
out there so they trip.Copy !req
143. You moron, it's one marble.Copy !req
144. - Give me that. Give me that.
- No! No!Copy !req
145. Boo! Boo!Copy !req
146. - Boo!
- Whoo!Copy !req
147. Oh, no.Copy !req
148. They were good.Copy !req
149. I swallowed my marble.Copy !req
150. Boo!Copy !req
151. - Oh, my God. You guys were so great.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
152. And even when I almost tripped,
my natural grace totally saved us.Copy !req
153. Well, I saw plenty of mistakes out there,
especially from Fez.Copy !req
154. Shut your hole.Copy !req
155. Here come the scores.Copy !req
156. And the winner of Kenosha's
Annual Roller Disco Doo-dah is...Copy !req
157. - Jackie Burkhart and...
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
158. - friend.
- Fix! Fix!Copy !req
159. I can't believe it!
I'm so sorry I doubted you.Copy !req
160. You... You are my hero...
my... my hunky, sexy, foreign skating hero!Copy !req
161. And you are my... my spoiled,
whiny skating princess.Copy !req
162. Oh, Fez, thank you!Copy !req
163. - Yea, champagne! Yea!
- Yea!Copy !req
164. - Yea!
- Get off me.Copy !req
165. Kelso, you booed us
the entire time.Copy !req
166. What? No!
That was some rude guy.Copy !req
167. So I popped him one,
and then I was goin', "Ooh,"Copy !req
168. because I hurt my hand
when I popped the rude guy.Copy !req
169. So... you're welcome.Copy !req
170. You wanna kiss it?Copy !req
171. Let's go, Fez.Copy !req
172. Hmm. Come on, Kelso.
Look at the bright side.Copy !req
173. What's the bright side?Copy !req
174. The bright side is
there isn't one.Copy !req
175. Fez has Jackie, and you have
to squeeze out that marble.Copy !req
176. Now, Mr. Forman, at any point
did you ever berate Earl Arthur...Copy !req
177. by calling him
any of the following names:Copy !req
178. Candy-ass...Copy !req
179. dumb-ass, lazy-ass...Copy !req
180. Uh, it... it just goes on like that.Copy !req
181. Well, that sounds like just
good-natured ribbin' to me.Copy !req
182. Doesn't sound that way to me.Copy !req
183. Are you callin' me a liar?Copy !req
184. 'Cause it's funny if ya are.Copy !req
185. Well, you know, Eric worked
with him too. Eric, tell him about Earl.Copy !req
186. Actually, I'd be more interested in hearing
what Eric thinks about working with you. Eric?Copy !req
187. No. No, no, no, no.
I'm-I'm here...Copy !req
188. just to answer questions
about Earl... old, dumb Earl.Copy !req
189. So, you know, you fire away
with the Earl questions.Copy !req
190. I think we know
all we need to know about Earl.Copy !req
191. Oh, then good. I'll just
step out then. Good.Copy !req
192. - This was good.
- No, no, no, no. Eric, just a few more questions.Copy !req
193. Is your father ever
unnecessarily angry?Copy !req
194. Unnecessarily angry.Copy !req
195. Well... you know,
what does "unnecessarily" mean really?Copy !req
196. I mean, my sister likes
to put salt on roast beef...Copy !req
197. but I think it's unnecessary.Copy !req
198. I mean, why cover up the flavor
of such a delicious meat?Copy !req
199. Just answer the question,
dumb-ass!Copy !req
200. I mean...
Good work, Son.Copy !req
201. Oh, my God.
I love champagne!Copy !req
202. Yes. Was it any good?Copy !req
203. Great. Just great.Copy !req
204. Hey, Fez,
I just made up a poem.Copy !req
205. - Do you want to hear it?
- Okay.Copy !req
206. There once was
a guy named Fez...Copy !req
207. who had a really cute butt.Copy !req
208. Ta-da!Copy !req
209. Well, I have to say
I don't hate it.Copy !req
210. Hey... Psst...Copy !req
211. Fezzie...Copy !req
212. do you want to know a secret?Copy !req
213. If you try to kiss me right now...Copy !req
214. I probably wouldn't stop you.Copy !req
215. In fact...Copy !req
216. I'd probably let you
do more than that.Copy !req
217. - Fez...
- Huh!Copy !req
218. Good God, man. Don't do it.
She is drunk.Copy !req
219. But, Batman, she is so hot.Copy !req
220. But she's drunk.
There is no honor in this.Copy !req
221. Ah, screw honor.
Take her pants off.Copy !req
222. Ay!Copy !req
223. Riddler, nefarious fiend.Copy !req
224. Don't do it, Fez.
It's a trap.Copy !req
225. Riddle me this, Fez. Why would Jackie ask you
to make out with her if she didn't want you to?Copy !req
226. Seriously, he makes
an excellent point.Copy !req
227. It's the dastardly
alcohol talking.Copy !req
228. If you and Jackie get together,
you want it to be real, not like this.Copy !req
229. Honestly, I was
rooting for you...Copy !req
230. but imaginary Batman
makes a lot of sense.Copy !req
231. Then riddle me this.Copy !req
232. What does Batman know
about girls?Copy !req
233. Slides down a pole and lives
with a teenage boy. Enough said.Copy !req
234. Okay. Now I have to say,
advantage Riddler.Copy !req
235. What are you trying
to say, Riddler?Copy !req
236. I think you know what I'm trying to say.
Ooh-la-la.Copy !req
237. Oh, you want to go,
question dork?Copy !req
238. Oh, bring it on,
bat-wuss.Copy !req
239. So...Copy !req
240. are you gonna kiss me, Fez?Copy !req
241. No, I am sorry, Jackie.Copy !req
242. That's okay.Copy !req
243. You still have
a very cute butt.Copy !req
244. Come on, Kelso.Copy !req
245. So Jackie likes Fez. Big deal.
You're going out with Laurie.Copy !req
246. I know. It's just, you know...Copy !req
247. seeing her with another guy just made me
remember all the good times we had together...Copy !req
248. and it just made me sad.Copy !req
249. Yeah.Copy !req
250. Come here.Copy !req
251. You know, Kelso...Copy !req
252. I guess underneath it all
you're kind of a good guy.Copy !req
253. Sometimes.Copy !req
254. Sort of.Copy !req
255. - Things'll work themselves out.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
256. What the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
257. We can't fight these
feelings anymore, Donna.Copy !req
258. - What?
- What? We've been doing this dance all night...Copy !req
259. and, oh, God,
I'm tired of dancing.Copy !req
260. You moron!Copy !req
261. Nobody likes a tease, Donna!Copy !req
262. I'm sorry. You're not a tease.
Come back.Copy !req
263. Tease!Copy !req
264. I'm sorry. Donna!Copy !req
265. I guess "violent"
is the wrong word...Copy !req
266. but, you know, it's definitely
some kind of rage.Copy !req
267. Although, I mean, you know,
Earl had it coming.Copy !req
268. I love you, Daddy.Copy !req
269. Oh, hey. Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
270. Hour and 10 minutes late.
I can only assume you're Earl.Copy !req
271. Yeah.Copy !req
272. So, um, sorry.
My, uh, dog got hit by a...Copy !req
273. a guy in a...Copy !req
274. - Car?
- Thanks, Red.Copy !req
275. - So, what'd I miss?
- You missed everything.Copy !req
276. Okay. I'm not gonna lie. Mr. Forman, you...
you scare the living hell out of me.Copy !req
277. - No offense.
- None taken.Copy !req
278. That's kind of his thing.Copy !req
279. But, Earl, in light of your failure
to show up for your own hearing...Copy !req
280. we have no choice but to rule
in favor of Mr. Forman.Copy !req
281. - Yes, sir!
- Way to go, Dad!Copy !req
282. Damn... dog.Copy !req
283. And Mr. Forman, even though
this hearing did go your way today...Copy !req
284. in light of some
of your son's responses...Copy !req
285. I would strongly encourage you
to go to anger management classes.Copy !req
286. Sure, I'll...Copy !req
287. I'll do that.Copy !req
288. Neat! Anger management...Copy !req
289. That sounds like it could be
kind of fun, right?Copy !req
290. We... We won. Hey!Copy !req
291. You and me...
We're such a good team.Copy !req
292. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah.Copy !req
293. We did it.
How about us, huh?Copy !req
294. Stickin' it to the man.Copy !req
295. I'll see you at home.Copy !req
296. Wait. But, Dad, we...Copy !req
297. we drove here together.Copy !req
298. Then she fell asleep,
and I stroke her hair.Copy !req
299. You did the right thing, Fez,
but a word of advice.Copy !req
300. Next time you tell the story,
ya nailed her.Copy !req
301. Yeah, but, you know,
it's better you didn't...Copy !req
302. 'cause scammin' on another guy's woman...
That's totally breaking the code.Copy !req
303. Donna told me what you did,
you dill-hole!Copy !req
304. No, she's lying!Copy !req
305. Oh! That's my nipple!Copy !req
306. Hello...Copy !req
307. buttercup.Copy !req
308. Fez, you're drunk.Copy !req
309. Madam, I may be drunk,
but you should have sex with me.Copy !req
310. That's crazy.Copy !req
311. But you have to, because last night...Copy !req
312. I made a big mistake.Copy !req
313. I don't even remember last night.Copy !req
314. Ay!Copy !req