1. - I had a great time on our date tonight.
- Yeah.
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2. When do you think Red's gonna
give you back the keys to the Cruiser?
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3. You know,
so we could actually...
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4. leave the property?
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5. I don't know. Maybe never.
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6. In fact, you're my only contact
with the outside world now, Donna.
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7. Do... people still laugh out there?
I miss the laughter.
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8. Well, Eric,
it's your own stupid fault.
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9. I mean, before you opened your big mouth,
Red actually believed that smell was incense.
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10. Yeah, I know. It's just...
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11. He was gonna kick Hyde out,
and I wanted to help, and...
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12. Oh, helping never helps.
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13. Eric, let's not waste time
talkin' about this.
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14. How long to the curfew?
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15. Uh, about one minute.
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16. Now, Donna,
I'm not bragging, but...
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17. if you're properly motivated, I can
actually do it in that amount of time.
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18. You don't have to tell me.
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19. Okay, so...
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20. Buckle up, Donna, 'cause the next...
12 seconds are all about you, babe.
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21. Five, four...
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22. - three, two, one.
- No, wait. But I... Damn.
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23. Curfew, hophead.
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24. Geez, I wish I had a quarter...
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25. for every time I caught you
makin' out with the neighbor girl.
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26. I wish I had a quarter for
every time you embarrassed me.
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27. I wish you did too, 'cause
then you'd be a millionaire...
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28. and you could find
someplace else to live.
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29. What? And... leave all this?
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30. Okay, fellas. Who wants brownies
and a nice glass of milk?
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31. Oh, geez.
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32. Daddy, I think it's great
you gave Eric and Hyde a curfew.
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33. These boys, they need structure.
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34. Well, I'll see ya.
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35. Where do you think you're going?
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36. To... night church?
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37. Sorry, honey.
Curfew's for everyone.
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38. But, Daddy, it's me!
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39. Look, what they did is bad...
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40. but you sneakin' around with Kelso,
that's just... unpleasant.
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41. But, Daddy,
I'm not seeing Kelso.
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42. - Untrue!
- A damnable lie!
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43. A curfew?
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44. I'm stuck in this house
with you people all night? This sucks!
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45. Well, we're just
thrilled about it.
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46. All right. There's an upside to all this.
I took her down with me.
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47. - Nice job.
- Thanks.
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48. Well, isn't this a happy house?
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49. Yeah.
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50. This is not a happy house.
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51. Well, you just said
this was a happy house.
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52. Well, that's not what I meant.
It was sarcasm.
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53. Who the hell knows what you mean,
when you won't say what you mean?
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54. I don't like how you're
treating the children.
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55. Look, Kitty.
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56. I'm not gonna let our kids
go down the wrong path.
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57. - But if you have a better idea, I'm all ears.
- Okay.
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58. Maybe you could be a little less strict
and a little more loving.
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59. Okay, Kitty.
Enough with the sarcasm.
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60. Stop looking at me.
Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
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61. Please look at me. Hey! Psst.
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62. I love you, Steven.
I have secret love powers.
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63. Look at me!
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64. Hmm. I have 29 teeth.
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65. No, that can't be right.
One, two, three...
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66. Jackie's in love with Hyde,
and I have nothing.
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67. Oh, look. I found an M&M.
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68. Oh, no.
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69. My life sucks.
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70. Okay, I really hope
no one smelled that.
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71. All right!
I'm the best-looking person in this room.
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72. No. In this whole town.
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73. No! No, in this whole state.
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74. No.
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75. Dumb-asses.
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76. So, how's it going?
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77. Real good.
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78. The foreign kid just
ate somethin' off the floor.
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79. Okay, well, um...
Your father's gonna drive me to work.
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80. That's right. And if you do
anything wrong, I'll know...
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81. because one of you is a snitch.
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82. You just think about that
while I'm gone.
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83. Well, they're not gonna do
anything wrong...
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84. because I brought a box of activities
to occupy their time.
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85. So, um... Be good and have fun.
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86. Do crafts, not drugs!
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87. Ooh, a model airplane and glue.
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88. Where's Steven and Eric?
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89. Um... Your hair is very pretty.
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90. Oh, they can't leave the house.
They're grounded.
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91. Oh, don't worry about them.
They're at The Hub.
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92. Oh, no. I am the snitch.
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93. Oh, Red is gonna be furious.
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94. Mrs. Forman, may I tell you
a little story about oppression?
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95. Okay.
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96. Once I had an ant farm.
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97. And they would not
build their tunnels.
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98. I was furious, so I became
very strict and stern with my ants.
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99. First they feared me,
and everything was fine...
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100. but eventually the ants
broke out and attacked me.
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101. So I had to kill them.
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102. So, um, you think we're being
too hard on the kids?
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103. Well, I don't know about that.
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104. I just wanted to let you know that
I'm really sad because my ants are dead.
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105. Okay. Well, Fez, thanks.
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106. You're a good boy.
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107. All the ladies want a piece of Fez.
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108. What are you doing?
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109. Oh, just a little
security measure...
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110. in case anybody tries to escape.
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111. Red, no. Those are my Christmas bells.
Those are happy bells.
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112. Well, then they're
doing their job...
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113. because I'm happy.
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114. Let's have some cake.
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115. Okay. And let's watch some TV,
because that makes us all happy.
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116. Okay, here we go.
The Brady Bunch Variety Hour is on.
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117. Oh, who the hell gave those
people an entire hour?
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118. Well, I think this program
is fun for the whole family.
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119. They've got... They've got Charo and...
and the rock band KISS.
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120. Okay, see?
Now, this is nice.
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121. A nice family who gets along
and sings and dances.
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122. Yeah, I love the Bradys.
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123. Oh, remember that episode
where Mr. Brady went completely insane...
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124. and put bells on all the doors?
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125. Hey, did you see the one
where Greg was a real wiseass...
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126. and Mr. Brady took him outside
and cleaned his clock?
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127. Did you ever see the one
where I hated living here?
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128. That one's my favorite.
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129. Well, I hope you're happy,
because now you've upset your sister.
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130. Oh... You know what?
Forget it, Dad.
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131. Enjoy yourself.
Get your shots in now.
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132. Because when I'm gone,
oh, I'm gonna be long gone.
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133. I got no place to go, so...
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134. I'm gonna stay here.
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135. But the tension's nice.
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136. Reminds me of home.
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137. Finally.
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138. Now I can enjoy
the show in peace.
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139. Oh, this show is crap.
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140. - Feel funky
- Whoo!
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141. - Feel good
- Whoo!
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142. Gonna tell you
I'm in the neighborhood
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143. Gonna fly
like a bird on the wing
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144. Hold on to your hat, honey
Sing, sing, sing, sing
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145. I got the music in me
I got the music in me
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146. I got the music in me
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147. I got the music in me
I got the music in me
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148. I got the music in me
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149. Yeah
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150. Thank you. Thank you.
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151. And welcome to
The Forman Bunch Variety Hour.
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152. And, boy, do we have
a great show for you tonight.
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153. Sorry, Mom.
We can't stay for the show.
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154. No!
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155. Why not?
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156. Living at home is unbearable,
so we've decided to... run away.
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157. - No!
- Yea!
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158. So, thanks for everything,
Mrs. F.
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159. Well, you boys can't run away.
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160. Who's gonna do the square dance
with Shields and Yarnell?
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161. Well, let Laurie do it.
She's been makin' out with Shields all day.
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162. That's a lie!
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163. Well, when will I see you again?
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164. Don't worry, Kitty.
I'll take care of them.
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165. Ladies and gentlemen,
star of stage and screen, Shirley Jones.
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166. Hi, Mom.
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167. - Mom?
- That's right, Kitty.
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168. - We're Partridges now.
- This is gonna be great.
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169. I'm pretty sure
I can nail Susan Dey.
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170. No. Partridges?
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171. You can't live in a bus.
There's no toilet.
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172. Well, it may be inconvenient, Kitty, but
we do get to spend a lot of time together.
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173. That's right. Mrs. Partridge quit her job
to form a family band.
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174. Yep. It's all a matter
of choices, Kitty.
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175. I guess you just
chose to be a bad mother.
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176. Hey, Shirley. Can I come?
I play the tambourine.
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177. Oh, I'm sorry, Laurie.
No whores on my show.
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178. Oh, fine. Hey, Shields. Wait up!
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179. Aaah! Cuchi-cuchi-cuchi!
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180. - Whoa, whoa...
- Can it, Charo.
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181. Yeah!
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182. Well, I am not gonna
let that happen.
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183. Oh, no. This is crap.
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184. Oh, no. Honey.
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185. Yep. He thought
he could sneak out.
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186. So. What now, Ho Chi Minh?
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187. Well, I'll tell you one thing.
Playtime is over.
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188. Your friends are no longer
allowed in the house.
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189. - Wait. What?
- No, no. We'll talk about it in the morning.
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190. Fine, we'll talk about it
in the morning.
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191. We'll talk about how your friends
are no longer allowed in the house.
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192. You know,
I have an interesting idea.
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193. Why don't
we not punish him?
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194. Why don't we try a little of that forgiveness
that Jesus was always talking about?
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195. No, no.
This is for his own good.
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196. Look, in order for Eric to be
a happy, well-adjusted adult...
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197. he has to be miserable now.
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198. That's just good parenting.
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199. If I was to be
Mr. Nice Guy now...
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200. do you know what would happen
to Eric in a few years?
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201. Do you?
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202. Oh, Eric. Breakfast.
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203. Well, there's
my sweet little baby boy.
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204. Why oh why
didn't I discipline you?
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205. Shut up and eat your cornflakes.
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206. That's what.
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207. Never surrender, Kitty.
Never retreat. We're winning.
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208. The fact that Eric was desperate enough
to climb out his window...
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209. shows that
everything is working.
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210. Surprise.
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211. This is so great.
I didn't... know you delivered.
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212. Bed check, dumb-ass.
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213. Holy crap.
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214. No, it is not a bed check.
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215. We just wanna say good night...
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216. and... and we love you very, very much.
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217. What are you doing?
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218. Oh, just nailing
his window shut.
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219. - For his own good.
- What if there's a fire?
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220. Well, then I guess you can just
light your dope with it, dopehead.
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221. Donna!
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222. - Get out.
- Whoa. Not so fast, Laurie.
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223. Oh. Ow! Ow!
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224. You idiot!
Red's doing bed checks.
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225. Bed check.
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226. And bless Mommy
and bless Daddy...
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227. and bless Grandma...
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228. Oh. Hi, Daddy.
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229. Sorry to bother you, kitten.
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230. Kelso, get your hand off my ass.
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231. - It was an accident.
- Shh!
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232. - It's still there.
- It's still an accident.
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233. - Kelso, it's still there!
- Yeah.
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234. You know, Steven...
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235. this hatred thing you have for me
is just you protecting yourself.
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236. - Okay.
- It's true.
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237. You're afraid to reach
the peaks of love...
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238. for fear of
being dropped off a cliff.
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239. Well, I'm your
safety line, Steven.
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240. So grab me.
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241. Go grab yourself, freak.
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242. Okay, bed check. Here we come.
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243. - Get out!
- Kitty, you're warning him.
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244. I'm not warning anybody. Getting closer!
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245. Okay, um...
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246. We just... We wanted to say good night...
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247. And, um,
that you're a good boy...
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248. and even though you do some things
that we don't like, we still love you.
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249. And I'm watching you.
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250. And I'm cherishing you.
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251. Oh, no, Jackie. They're still out there.
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252. What was that?
Oh, and they want our pants.
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253. You hear that?
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254. I don't hear anything.
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255. That's right. Nothing.
That's the sound of discipline.
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256. No, that's the sound of jail.
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257. This house used to be fun,
until you made it miserable.
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258. Well, I'm sorry, Kitty,
but I think it's working.
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259. - Oh, you do?
- Yes, I do.
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260. - Oh, you do?
- I just said I did.
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261. Red.
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262. Oh! Hell's bells!
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263. It's Red! Run for it!
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264. Freeze!
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265. Daddy, thank God you came.
They were kidnapping me!
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266. Oh, shut up. That's it.
I have had it.
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267. You know what this means?
More discipline.
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268. - No. No.
- Oh, yes. Playtime is over.
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269. Oh, stop saying that.
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270. Your cracking down
is not working.
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271. Hell, I could've
told him that a week ago.
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272. Now is not the time
to be a porky mouth.
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273. Red, I want my house back.
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274. - I once had an ant farm...
- Oh, honey, no. Not now.
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275. Okay. Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
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276. You are going to remember
that he's a good son...
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277. and you are going to remember
that he's a good father...
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278. because I am not happy
with the way this house is running.
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279. - Now you see what you've done? You've made your mother unhappy.
- No, he didn't.
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280. I'm not happy with everything.
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281. I'm not... I'm not happy
with windows being nailed shut...
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282. and I'm not... I'm not happy
with people sneaking around...
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283. and... and I'm not happy with
my Christmas bells on the front door.
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284. Well, Kitty, what do you want me to do?
Pretend that nothing happened?
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285. Yes.
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286. - No.
- Fine.
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287. Then... Then that's it.
Then I'm staying home.
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288. I'm staying home full-time,
and I am...
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289. I am taking back my house,
and that's the way it is.
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290. Now, you get upstairs and take
those nails out of the windows...
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291. and you stop being such
a sneaky smart mouth...
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292. and you... Honey, you've gotta
stop eating stuff off the floor.
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293. Now, everyone, let's just...
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294. Let's go back to happy.
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295. So, I guess... playtime is over.
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296. I'm sorry, I...
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297. I don't remember
growing older
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298. When did they
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299. - Sunrise
- Sunset
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300. - Sunrise
- Sunset
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301. Swiftly fly the years
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302. One season
following another
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303. Laden with
happiness and tears
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304. Give it to me one more time, cuchi!
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