1. - Oh!
- Oh! That's 16 for me and Hyde...
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2. and four for the losers!
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3. You guys ought to get a mascot...
a big, green, furry loser!
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4. That's...
That's not even a thing.
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5. Come on. Take it to the hoop. Or maybe you're
afraid, 'cause you know I'm gonna slap it down.
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6. Oh, yeah?
Well... Yeah?
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7. You tell her, Eric!
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8. Ooh!
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9. Oh! How can he stand
the embarrassment?
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10. She told you what she was gonna do.
You gotta listen, man.
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11. Eric, why don't you just give me the two
points? Save yourself the humiliation.
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12. Well, why don't you just save yourself
the two points, and then the humiliation...
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13. will... be...
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14. J... Whatever! Come on!
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15. Oh, I'm comin', and there's nothin'
you can do to stop me.
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16. Eric!
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17. Oh, my God!
Donna's wearing granny panties!
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18. Nice panties, Granny!
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19. Oh, come on. You have to admit,
that was some killer "D."
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20. Oh, no.
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21. Okay, Fez, I got you some
Valentine conversation hearts.
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22. Oh, thank you, Caroline.
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23. "Be mine." Okay.
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24. "Sweetheart." It really is.
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25. "Kiss me."
Well, I'm not about to argue with candy.
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26. Fez, is there one in there that says,
"Get a room"?
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27. No, but here's one that says,
"Kiss my brown ass."
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28. Sorry you had to hear that,
Caroline.
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29. It's okay.
She asked for it.
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30. Ooh, I gotta get going.
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31. - I'll see you tonight.
- Yeah.
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32. Well, well, well.
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33. Look who has a lady.
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34. And to think, I was about to settle for you.
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35. Talk about dodging a bullet.
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36. Hey, hey.
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37. Check out this article in Boys' Life.
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38. "The Square Knot:
Not Just For Squares"?
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39. No, this one,
about being an astronaut.
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40. I think I'm gonna do that.
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41. Michael, I think there's a prerequisite
for being an astronaut.
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42. You have to be not dumb.
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43. Uh-uh.
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44. If they can send a monkey into space,
they can send me.
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45. I don't know.
Monkeys are pretty smart.
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46. All right.
Fine, fine. Make fun.
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47. But when you see my shoe prints on the moon,
what are you gonna say then?
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48. Probably, "Hey, some monkey's
wearing Kelso's shoes!"
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49. Hey, hey, astro-chimp.
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50. When you come back down to Earth,
if your parachute doesn't work...
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51. you could always use
Donna's monstrous panties.
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52. Hey, hey, hey, you guys.
None of that when Donna gets here, okay?
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53. I don't need her mad at me
on Valentine's Day.
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54. All right, Forman, relax.
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55. Wearing granny panties
is a very sensitive issue...
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56. that I don't find funny,
and I refuse to exploit.
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57. Good.
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58. Hey, everybody, look.
It's Granny Panties!
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59. - Hyde!
- Wha... Oh, sorry, man.
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60. It's in my nature to burn.
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61. Granny Panties understands.
Don't you, Granny Panties?
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62. Okay, look. I didn't have anything
else to wear. It was laundry day.
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63. I didn't know they made a washing machine
big enough for those panties.
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64. Hey! Hey, you guys can
all just shut up, okay?
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65. So she wears big panties.
So what?
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66. Donna, look, I am...
really, really, really sorry.
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67. Eric, I'm fine.
Let's just forget about it.
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68. Really? 'Cause when I saw your sweats
around your ankles, I thought I was dead.
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69. - Eric, I said, I'm fine.
- Oh, my God.
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70. Oh, my God.
You are so cool.
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71. - You... I... You are seriously, like, the coolest girl ever.
- Wow.
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72. Chicks must really dig astronauts,
'cause it says here...
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73. that astronauts get
all the Tang they want.
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74. Oh, Donna is gonna love
you making dinner for her.
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75. There's nothing sexier
than a man who cooks.
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76. Unless that man is Burt Reynolds.
Then I don't give a darn what he's doing.
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77. He's just sexy!
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78. Ooh-hoo, Mom has a thing for the Bandit.
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79. Ten-four.
Go set the table.
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80. Oh, no, no, honey,
use the special china.
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81. You don't want to mess up a good thing
with everyday dishes.
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82. Okay, but, Mom, it's not like
I can mess this up.
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83. I mean, Donna is cool
no matter what I do.
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84. Like, earlier, I pulled down her pants
in front of everyone in the driveway...
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85. - and she just stood there...
- You did what?
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86. No, it was cool.
She just... She said she was fine.
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87. - Oh. Then I guess she's fine.
- Yeah, 'cause she said she was fine.
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88. Yeah, she wouldn't say she was fine
unless she was fine. Would she?
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89. - What are you talking about?
- What do you think I'm talking about?
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90. I don't know.
Why are you doing this to me?
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91. - Doing what?
- I don't know!
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92. - Well, all I meant was, have a happy Valentine's Day.
- Oh.
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93. Oh, okay. Thanks.
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94. Although I doubt you will.
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95. Stop it!
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96. Hello, Michael.
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97. Hi, Mrs. Forman. Is Laurie home?
I got a little surprise for her.
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98. Oh, you brought her flowers.
Isn't that just... a waste of money.
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99. No...
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100. she deserves them.
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101. I mean, not many people get me, you know?
I'm a complicated guy.
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102. So when everyone
starts in on me...
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103. I just like to be with my girlfriend,
'cause she's nice to me.
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104. - Who are we talking about?
- Laurie.
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105. - Laurie Forman?
- Yeah, so I just want to tell her...
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106. that I'm happy we're together on this,
our nation's day of love.
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107. Oh, well, how patriotic of you, Michael.
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108. Yeah.
I wanna be an astronaut.
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109. Oh. Well, I...
I think you'd make a fine spaceman.
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110. Thanks.
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111. You know, I gotta say, I think Laurie gets
a lot of her sweetness from you.
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112. Laurie Forman?
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113. Bye, Laurie.
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114. Hey, man, what the hell
are you doing?
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115. What? Oh, yeah.
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116. I should, uh, probably go out
through the window.
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117. Oh, would you look at this?
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118. Ooh, a nice, romantic dinner for two.
Donna's gonna love it.
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119. Why, is she bringing a date?
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120. - Red!
- I'm sorry, but that's funny.
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121. - Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Forman.
- Oh, my.
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122. Look at this vision of lovely.
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123. Oh, this is just like when you two were little,
and you... you used to eat pretend supper.
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124. Only now it won't end up with
Donna sitting on Eric's head.
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125. Oh.
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126. Oh, Red, let's go.
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127. - Kitty, that was just awful.
- I know. Keep walking.
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128. Wow, I was... afraid that
was gonna be awkward.
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129. Yeah.
Eric, this looks so great.
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130. Yep. Shaked, baked and maked
especially for you.
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131. And this here is a little somethin'
I like to call... "a little somethin'."
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132. You got me a present?
That's so sweet.
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133. I didn't get you anything,
and you got me... panties?
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134. What the hell?
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135. Yeah, panties!
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136. - Get it?
- No.
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137. To replace your ugly ones.
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138. Eric, when I said I didn't get it,
I meant I didn't like it.
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139. No, see,
you forgave me earlier...
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140. and... I figured if I brought it up,
we could just, you know, share a laugh.
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141. Your turn.
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142. You know what?
You're the one who doesn't get it.
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143. - Well, maybe you should explain it to me.
- I heard that!
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144. This is the worst
Valentine's Day ever.
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145. It's Donna's fault. Okay?
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146. I didn't make her wear
that big, goofy underwear.
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147. I'm sorry, but if you're
hanging out with this crowd...
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148. you gotta know that eventually
your pants are gettin' pulled down.
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149. Am I right?
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150. I am so glad I did not pull down
Caroline's pants.
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151. I mean, if she asked me to,
I would...
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152. because I respect her wishes.
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153. And, also, I am so horny.
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154. Forman, when I told you it'd
be funny to give Donna panties...
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155. I meant it'd be funny to me.
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156. And it was.
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157. This is what happened
to my heart...
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158. when I found out Laurie
was cheating on me.
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159. It's lemon.
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160. I mean, how could she do this?
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161. I really thought
we had somethin'.
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162. Probably the same way
you did it to Jackie.
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163. Only this time it's even funnier,
'cause it's you.
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164. This is a good day.
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165. Tonight, I am going to ask Caroline
to go steady with me...
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166. because that is the last step
before you can do it, right?
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167. Oh, how I want to do it.
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168. I am so horny.
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169. So Michael cheated on me with Laurie,
and Laurie cheated on him.
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170. Hmm! There is a God,
and he's on my side.
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171. Well, I'm glad you're happy.
My boyfriend's a giant baby.
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172. "Ooh, underwear is so funny.
Poo-poo, pee-pee, caca."
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173. You know what'll
make you feel better?
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174. Let's go make mean jokes
at Michael's expense.
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175. How will that
make me feel better?
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176. 'Cause then I'll feel better,
and I can cheer you up.
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177. On what planet did Eric think it was okay
to pull down my pants?
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178. There are some things that are private, Jackie...
for instance, everything under my pants.
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179. I agree.
Keep it to yourself.
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180. Why doesn't Eric understand that when I said,
"I'm fine," I meant, I will be fine...
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181. so long as he kisses my ass
for two weeks until I'm actually fine?
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182. He's, like, brain damaged.
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183. Look, he's just not
a good boyfriend.
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184. You should dump him, and then we
can move to Dallas and be weathergirls.
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185. - So, how was your night?
- He blew it.
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186. Well, what a surprise.
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187. - Wait, you're saying that like it's not a surprise.
- Okay then.
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188. You know, Son,
there's a time and a place...
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189. to pull down a lady's pants.
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190. And a pickup game in our driveway
is not one of 'em.
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191. Look, Dad,
I know it was dumb...
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192. but Donna said it was fine,
and... apparently it wasn't fine.
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193. Sit down. Eric...
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194. there's a pair of shoes up
in your mom's closet.
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195. And one day, I accidently stepped on
one of them and scuffed it.
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196. "Don't worry," your mom said.
"Everything's fine."
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197. But every now and then,
she takes them out of the closet...
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198. and she puts them on,
and she does this.
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199. "Ohh."
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200. Then she takes them off
and puts them back in her closet.
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201. Eric, this has been going on
for 14 years.
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202. So why doesn't she
just get new shoes?
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203. Oh, Eric...
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204. you are so young.
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205. You see, women are...
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206. What's the word I'm looking for here?
Crazy.
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207. Oh. So, overall,
you and Mom are okay.
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208. So Donna and me,
we'll be okay, right?
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209. No.
I scuffed your mom's shoe.
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210. I didn't pull her pants down
in front of God and the foreign kid.
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211. So, what are you saying?
I'm screwed with Donna?
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212. Hey, if it makes you
feel any better...
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213. I'm surprised you lasted
this long.
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214. - I like popcorn. Do you like popcorn?
- Yes.
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215. - I like candy. Do you like candy?
- Yes.
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216. I like soda. Would you like
to go steady with me?
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217. - Oh, yes, Fez!
- I think I might have tricked you.
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218. You do know we are
going steady, right?
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219. Yes!
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220. - What a magical night.
- Yes.
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221. I dreamed of this
since the moment we met.
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222. Me too.
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223. You know, this is my favorite movie of
all time. I've seen it, like, 16 times.
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224. That woman keeps calling Clint Eastwood
and asking him to play "Misty" for her.
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225. Isn't it romantic?
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226. Romantic? But she is following him
and bothering him and threatening him.
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227. Yeah, that's what I mean.
If she can't have him, nobody can.
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228. Okay then.
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229. Oh, you're so cute.
I love being your girlfriend.
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230. If you ever left me, I'd kill you.
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231. O... Okay then.
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232. What's up with
Eric's head anyway?
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233. It's completely out of proportion
to that skinny body.
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234. He looks like a Blow Pop.
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235. You know, I bet Michael's gonna
want me to feel sorry for him.
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236. But I'm gonna be all, like...
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237. "Aww. Bite it, Casanova!"
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238. - Hey, Jackie, Donna.
- Hey, Michael. I heard what happened.
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239. - Yeah. Me and Laurie are done.
- Doesn't Eric look like a Blow Pop?
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240. - Uh, yeah, I guess.
- Yeah.
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241. Uh, listen, uh, Jackie,
can we go somewhere and talk?
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242. No! Look, anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of Donna.
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243. Well, okay.
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244. Uh, listen...
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245. what happened with me
and Laurie got me thinking.
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246. And what she did
was really a betrayal...
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247. and it hurt so much.
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248. So you want me
to feel sorry for you.
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249. - No, don't feel sorry for me.
- Wait, what?
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250. No, I deserve this.
After what I did to you?
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251. I don't know if you've made the connection,
but there are a lot of similarities...
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252. between what Laurie did to me
and what I did to you.
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253. Except... you and I
were really in love...
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254. and you trusted me.
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255. Jackie, I let you down,
and I'm sorry.
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256. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you just saying
this stuff so I'll give you Valentine sex?
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257. 'Cause this is a holy day,
Michael...
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258. and you should be
ashamed of yourself.
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259. No.
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260. I just said what
I wanted to say, and...
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261. I don't blame you if you never
want to speak to me again.
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262. That's it. Good-bye.
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263. Jackie, are you okay?
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264. Sure. Great.
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265. I'm just... sitting here alone
on Valentine's Day.
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266. - Hey, I'm here.
- Yeah, why are you here?
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267. You should be with
the one you love.
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268. And you love Eric...
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269. for some reason.
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270. Shut up.
There's a lot of reasons.
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271. He's not a Blow Pop.
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272. He's a sweetie pie.
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273. Then you should be with him.
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274. Look, take it from someone
who has loved and lost.
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275. Whatever he did isn't worth
being alone on this holiest of days.
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276. Jackie, are you actually thinking
about me instead of yourself?
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277. Yeah! God, I've had
way too much sugar!
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278. Look, Eric, we need to talk.
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279. Before, I told you everything was fine
when it wasn't.
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280. So, I'm sorry for not letting you know what
a colossally insensitive bonehead you are.
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281. Oh, apology accepted.
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282. That's... very big of you.
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283. No, I'm serious.
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284. So from now on
when you piss me off...
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285. I will do you the courtesy
of blowing up in your face.
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286. Oh, Donna, that's all I ask.
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287. And as for my part, I've realized that
somewhere along the way we crossed a line...
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288. where... pulling down your pants in public
is really no longer that funny.
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289. And I suppose
that point came when...
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290. - you started letting me pull them down in private.
- Exactly.
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291. So...
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292. are we good?
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293. Yeah. No.
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294. - Are we good now?
- Gettin' there.
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295. - Just... Come on. Let me put my pants on.
- Nope.
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296. But... it's really cold.
And...
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297. You know, I'm freezing off parts of my body
that I know you've expressed appreciation for.
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298. Eric, for God's sakes,
no one wants to see that.
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299. Yeah, now we're good.
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300. Ohh.
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301. - Something wrong, honey?
- No.
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302. Everything's fine.
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