1. Eric! Eric!
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2. Donna, this is
a tricky maneuver, okay?
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3. I need quiet.
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4. Oh, my God!
It's the cops!
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5. Eric, we're
completely naked!
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6. I know.
Don't panic.
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7. - I, uh... I have a plan.
- Okay.
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8. Go away!
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9. That's the plan?
That's not a good plan!
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10. Yeah. No, that's the plan.
I mean, we're totally naked.
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11. I think he'll probably
just go away.
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12. Crap. Have you seen my pants?
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13. - Where you going?
- Out.
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14. - Where?
- A place.
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15. Who with?
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16. Doctors
and stockbrokers.
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17. Oh, holy hell.
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18. And-And-And the heater
is broken in the Vista Cruiser.
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19. That's why it was so hot.
So, you know, naturally...
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20. we removed one or two
articles of clothing...
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21. which, you know, in retrospect
was probably not that good an idea.
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22. Eric, how stupid
do you think I am?
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23. You're right.
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24. Should've cracked a window.
Good thinking.
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25. Eric, we know what
you were doing in the car.
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26. No.
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27. - We don't know.
- Trust me, we know.
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28. No, no.
We don't know.
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29. I know! I know!
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30. Of course you know.
You majored in it.
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31. - What were you thinking?
- Mr. Forman?
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32. Uh, it was my idea too.
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33. So, um, please stop
yelling at Eric because...
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34. What?
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35. Just play dead
and cover your face.
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36. No, Eric, it's okay.
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37. What we did was
a choice that we made...
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38. a choice we made
as adults.
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39. Oh, really?
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40. - You're an adult?
- Don't answer. It's a trap.
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41. Yes, we're adults.
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42. Okay, Donna.
Then as an adult...
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43. I expect you to go next door and tell Bob and
Midge just exactly what happened tonight.
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44. Okay. I'll tell them.
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45. Good. And I'm gonna check
to see that you did.
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46. Oh, come on!
Why would you do that?
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47. Donna, I won't keep something
like this from your parents.
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48. They think we're friends.
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49. - Hey, cool, man. A C.B. Radio.
- Yeah.
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50. So I narrowed down my potential
C.B. handles to two choices...
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51. either Stud Kickass
or Flex Buffchest.
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52. Gee, Kelso,
what about Beef Dingleberry?
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53. Oh, great.
Now I got three choices.
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54. Breaker 1-9,
breaker 1-9. This is Hot to Trot.
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55. - Foxy Lady.
- And Nice and Easy.
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56. Oh, my God.
They sound nice.
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57. And easy.
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58. Quick! Come on. We need...
We need handles so we can talk to 'em.
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59. Okay, uh, uh...
Oh! Oh!
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60. - We'll be the Mod Squad.
- That's perfect. I'm Link.
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61. - I'm Link.
- Why do you get to be Link?
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62. The magic 'fro, baby.
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63. Okay. Well,
I got dibs on Pete.
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64. Okay, then, what is
my macho cop handle?
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65. Julie.
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66. Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9.
This is Pete.
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67. - I'm Link.
- And Julie.
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68. It is so nice to talk to you,
my lovelies.
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69. Hey, Julie, cool accent. You sound sexy.
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70. Accent? What the hell
is she talking about?
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71. - Somethin' on your mind?
- Yeah.
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72. There's something important
I wanna tell you guys.
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73. Eric and I have been going out
for a while now...
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74. and we did something
you two should know about.
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75. Yes?
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76. Well, see,
Eric and I, uh...
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77. we, um... we...
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78. rode the Formans' motorcycle.
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79. There, I said it.
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80. Weight is just
off my shoulders.
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81. Donna, that was wrong.
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82. But not as wrong as it could've been,
'cause it could've been...
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83. Sex!
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84. That's what I thought too!
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85. What?
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86. No! That's crazy.
That's-That's silly.
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87. You guys are silly gooses.
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88. You make me laugh,
'cause you're silly.
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89. So the cops
caught you doing it?
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90. Oh, my God.
That is such a turn-on!
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91. That is not a turn-on.
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92. You're a little pervert.
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93. Jackie, I have
a big problem.
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94. How am I gonna
tell my parents?
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95. Okay.
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96. If you need to use the bathroom you
should go now, 'cause I have a lot to say.
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97. No, I'm fine, thanks.
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98. Okay.
Your first mistake...
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99. was wearing pants
for car sex.
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100. When you do it in the car,
skirts are your best friend.
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101. Zip, zip, bim, bam. You're done,
you're dressed, you're back at the mall.
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102. Jackie, I'm screwed. If I tell my parents,
only one of two things could happen.
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103. They'll either be furious,
or they'll ask me how it was.
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104. Okay, now, have some peas.
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105. I'd rather have sex
with Donna.
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106. Mmm!
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107. Tapioca!
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108. Mmm!
Sex with Donna!
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109. Well, you...
you are just so cute.
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110. Say "Ma-ma."
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111. Sex with Don-na.
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112. - No, baby, no.
- Yes!
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113. - No!
- Yes!
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114. - No!
- No... Yes!
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115. No! No! No!
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116. Kitty.
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117. Slut!
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118. What?
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119. - Nothing.
- Are you okay?
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120. I'm fine.
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121. Kitty, when it's 3:00
on a Saturday afternoon...
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122. and you're still in bed,
I know something's wrong.
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123. Oh, Red, I'm fine.
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124. Why should I care that
my-my sweet, baby boy...
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125. was defiled by some jiggly,
red-haired tramp?
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126. Kitty.
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127. What I can't figure out is
how she tricked him into it.
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128. Look, it's not like
we didn't know this was coming.
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129. You're always showing Eric
anatomical diagrams and charts and slides.
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130. You've been prepping him
since he was six.
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131. Are you blaming me?
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132. No, no.
Heck no.
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133. It's my fault.
Men are dirty. It's...
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134. - Well, good.
- Kitty, I just want you to get out of bed.
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135. You know,
none of us have had lunch...
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136. and, uh, we're kind of hungry.
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137. Well, it's a house
full of grown men...
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138. and I would think that
one of you fully grown men...
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139. would know how
to make a damn sandwich!
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140. - Well, maybe I should go...
- I sure as hell would!
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141. And when Bob and Midge look at me
with their big, dumb eyes...
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142. I just...
I can't find the words.
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143. Okay, Donna, I've given this
a lot of thought...
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144. and I think I should be the one
to tell your parents we had sex.
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145. Oh, my God.
Eric, that is so great. Thank you.
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146. What? No. No!
What? No!
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147. It was... It was a bluff.
I was bluffing to seem nice.
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148. Oh, crap,
this is a nightmare.
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149. - Fine. I'll do it myself.
- What... No, wait. Look.
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150. We told my parents together...
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151. so, hey, let's tell
your parents together.
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152. Thank you. So, do you wanna
go get it over with?
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153. Yeah.
Let's go tell your parents.
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154. - Okay.
- Okay.
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155. Donna, I wanna go with you,
but my legs have gone numb.
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156. Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9.
This is Pete, Link and Julie.
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157. We're lookin' for a 20 on Hot to Trot,
Foxy Lady and Nice and Easy.
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158. - Over.
- Hey, guys!
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159. Hello, Hot to Trot.
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160. This is Julie.
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161. I was just wondering,
are you fat?
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162. - Whoa, Fez!
- No, actually, that's not a bad question.
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163. Well, why don't you guys
come see for yourselves?
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164. We can meet tonight.
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165. Oh, tonight?
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166. No, tonight we have to watch
Love Boat, so I don't think...
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167. As soon as I heard
you were down, Mrs. Forman...
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168. I had to come and see you...
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169. because I know the blues.
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170. But, you know, the good news is
Donna's on the pill...
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171. so they can do it, like...
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172. a zillion times a day,
and nothing bad can happen.
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173. Yep. They could just do it
and do it and do it and do it and do it.
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174. Jackie.
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175. Good. You're here.
Get out.
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176. But I'm trying to help.
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177. Oh, you wanna help?
Go make me a sandwich.
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178. So, Kitty...
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179. think maybe, uh,
it's time to get up?
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180. - No.
- Okay.
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181. You know what?
Kitty, you gotta shape up.
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182. I can't believe that
you're all surprised...
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183. that your 17-year-old is doing
what 17-year-olds do.
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184. Big deal!
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185. Now get the hell outta bed
and buck up!
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186. - Oh, geez, honey. I'm sorry.
- Get out!
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187. So, what do you kids
need to tell us?
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188. I tried to guess,
but my mind's a total blank.
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189. Actually, Mrs. Pinciotti,
Mr. Pinciotti...
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190. it's something
I need to tell you.
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191. Sorry. I almost threw up.
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192. I'm fine now.
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193. You both know how much I respect your
daughter, how much I love your daughter.
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194. And, uh...
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195. funny thing about love...
ha-ha, funny...
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196. is, uh, sometimes...
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197. we express it in a...
in a physical way.
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198. You better not say
what I think you're gonna say...
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199. 'cause I'll be mad.
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200. And funny thing about mad...
ha-ha...
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201. is sometimes I express it
in a physical way.
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202. I love your daughter,
and I totally respect her.
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203. And I never stopped
respecting her...
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204. even when the cops came.
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205. Well, I'm sorry, Eric,
but I still gotta twist your neck shut.
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206. Dad, you know,
you shouldn't be threatening Eric.
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207. You should be, uh,
thanking him.
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208. - What?
- What?
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209. Wow!
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210. He's treated me like a queen
since the day we started dating.
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211. Eric and I have sex.
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212. There. You know.
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213. At least I have a nice boyfriend
and not some juvenile delinquent.
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214. Like that Fonzie.
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215. Well, that...
that's nice.
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216. And at least Eric had the guts to
come over here and tell you man to man.
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217. Well, I'm happy for you.
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218. And thank you
for being honest.
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219. That took a lot of courage.
Didn't it, Bob?
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220. I'm goin' to bed.
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221. So, how was it?
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222. Oh, God.
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223. Boy, oh, boy.
I tell ya, Eric. You take the cake.
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224. Oh, man, there's cake?
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225. There's no cake.
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226. We're all starving to death,
and it's all your fault.
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227. You broke your mother's heart.
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228. She's up there crying about
how you're all grown up...
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229. and you don't need her anymore.
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230. But that...
that's not true.
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231. Oh, I know that.
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232. You're a helpless idiot.
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233. Huh.
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234. Okay. Uh, I could pretend
I need help with my homework.
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235. Oh, no.
No one gives a crap about that.
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236. - Okay. Oh! I could pretend to be sick.
- No, that...
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237. Wait a minute.
That might work.
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238. She mothered the heck out of you
when you broke your leg that time.
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239. Right. I could say
I have a fever.
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240. Or, better yet,
we could go out to the garage...
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241. I hit you in the elbow
with a baseball bat.
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242. I'm gonna stick
with the fever.
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243. You wanna go through life doing everything
half-assed, that's your decision, Son.
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244. Okay. They said they'd wait out front.
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245. Here we go.
Cold beer and hot babes.
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246. Or vice versa.
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247. Hey, guys, did we get a "yes"
or a "no" on the fat question?
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248. Oh, goody.
They're not fat. They're just old.
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249. If your voice is hot,
then you should be hot.
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250. Those are the rules!
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251. Damn old ladies
with hot voices.
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252. - Let's go.
- No, no, no. I'm staying.
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253. - You two are shallow.
- I'm not shallow, Fez.
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254. I just judge chicks
on their looks.
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255. Suit yourself.
But sometimes, the old ones...
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256. are super grateful.
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257. Yeah.
Okay, Fez.
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258. But if you wind up in some car feeling up
June Cleaver, don't come crying to me.
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259. Yeah!
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260. Hello, my lovelies.
I am Julie.
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261. Which one of you
is Hot to Trot?
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262. - Julie?
- Yes?
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263. - Hey! You made it. I'm Hot to Trot.
- I'm Foxy Lady.
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264. And I'm Nice and Easy.
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265. You're not fat...
or old at all.
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266. Of course not.
We're gymnasts.
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267. Dear Penthouse...
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268. I'm really sick... Mommy.
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269. And I don't have anyone
to take care of me.
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270. Well, you do feel
a little warm.
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271. Right, 'cause I'm sick.
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272. Or you stuck a hot towel
on your head, Eric.
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273. Fine, I'm not sick.
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274. I just... I didn't want you
to be mad anymore, Mom.
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275. Oh, honey, I'm not mad.
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276. I'm just horribly,
horribly depressed.
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277. Look, Mom...
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278. I'm not all grown up,
and I do still need you for stuff.
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279. - Oh, you do not.
- Sure, I do.
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280. Really? For what?
List it.
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281. I need you to love me.
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282. I need you to...
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283. I really need you to get out of bed because
Dad's been making my life extra miserable.
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284. Well, okay.
That one I buy.
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285. - So, are we okay now?
- Oh, honey.
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286. No.
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287. Well, I'm sorry. I just...
I don't like you growing up...
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288. and I don't like it
and I'm not gonna.
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289. But I-I guess...
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290. it's just something
I'm gonna have to get used to.
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291. You know what, Mom?
I'm always gonna need you...
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292. because chances are...
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293. Dad's gonna be riding my ass
for the rest of my life.
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294. Yeah. You really do rub him
the wrong way, honey.
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295. How you doin'?
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296. That's a...
That's a really nice robe.
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297. Uh, is that real velour?
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298. Hey, those gas prices
are, like, aah! Right?
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299. It's a shame about Elvis.
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300. Too soon.
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301. So... young.
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