Ted Lasso 3x8

1. Jamie Tartt collects.

2. He's been Richmond's unequivocal talisman today.

3. He finds Rojas and it's there!

4. Richmond have beaten Aston Villa three-nil,

5. with an offensive display as dazzling as it is unfamiliar.

6. AFC Richmond make it two decisive wins in a row.

7. Southampton never knew what hit them.

8. Bumbercatch with a 95th-minute winner over Tottenham.

9. The dog track has gone absolutely potty!

10. Another sensational win for Richmond away at Everton.

11. That's four in a row. Amazing. Life is good for the Greyhounds.

12. It's a lucky streak. What goes up always comes down.

13. Exciting times on Nelson Road,

14. and you have to think that no one is happier than Coach Ted Lasso.

15. I'm glad this little trip worked out for y'all.

16. Yeah. Henry's really excited to spend the weekend with you.

17. Oh, yeah. Well, you know...

18. I'll take face-to-face time over FaceTime anytime.

19. Yeah. And you know, I wanna say, it's been nice to...

20. get to remeet you, Dr. Jacob.

21. Ted, please. I insist, just call me Jake.

22. You got it, Jake.

23. Oh, nope. Still feels weird to me, you know?

24. Like whenever I hear white folks call Jay-Z "Jigga man," you know?

25. Or like when you see a priest wearing shorts.

26. Yeah, exactly. Weird, you know?

27. Or when you get pulled over by a cop who's the same age as you.

28. You're like, "Come on, man, be cool.

29. What we doing here?" You know?

30. Can I get some more money for the pinball, please?

31. - Yeah, let's see— - Yeah.

32. - You go. You go ahead. - Okay.

33. I don't know what I have. Let's see.

34. There are some magnets I gotta bring back to work and a matchbook.

35. Maybe I do. Let me just see. I got— No.

36. A pocketful of American coins

37. and a complimentary sleep mask that did not fit 'cause I have a huge head.

38. Come on, Prince Henry. I rigged the machine so you can play without coins.

39. You said that was impossible.

40. Here you go. Two English breakfasts. Enjoy.

41. Thank you.

42. Nothing's impossible.

43. I should wash my hands 'cause I touched dirty money.

44. I'm a hand-wash guy, Ted.

45. Yeah.

46. He's a hand-wash guy.

47. - Well, better safe than sorry. - Yeah. Right?

48. - Are you sure you're not hungry? - No, I'm good.

49. I had a big old piece of cereal at home.

50. - Okay. - Yeah.

51. Besides, you know, English breakfast to me

52. is just a pile of a bunch of little, tiny piles, you know?

53. But please, help yourself.

54. You're gonna need your strength, hiking around that English countryside.

55. Oh, yeah. About that.

56. Yeah?

57. Jake told me on the plane he's actually taking me to Paris.

58. It was a surprise.

59. Paris.

60. Great, yeah. Which one?

61. You know, Paris, Texas? Paris, Arkansas? Paris, Ohio? Or the other Paris in Ohio?

62. Actually, I think there's three Parises in Ohio.

63. Or do you say "Parese"? Par—

64. "Paris" Paris. You know, in France.

65. The default Paris.

66. Right.

67. Cool. Well, that's gonna be real...

68. I wish I knew the French word for "nice."

69. Très bien.

70. Très bien.

71. You know, I think hooking up with you might just be my favorite thing ever.

72. Yeah?

73. Yeah. Well, second favorite.

74. Go on then.

75. Sorry.

76. There goes my boner.

77. My dad told my Uncle Bernie I'm in town,

78. and he's invited me to his big, swanky polo event tomorrow. Would you wanna go?

79. The one time I've been on a horse was for a photo shoot years ago.

80. Horse was so drugged up that it could've been the guitarist in the Sex Pistols.

81. No, we don't play.

82. We just stand around and drink champagne.

83. - Oh, right. Of course, yeah. - It's for charity.

84. You know, celebrities, red carpet, big trays of tiny food.

85. It's a whole thing. We should go.

86. Be fun to show off my girlfriend.

87. Sounds great. And it gives me an excuse to go to Harvey Nicks!

88. Okay, I'll tell Uncle Bernie. He's gonna love you.

89. I didn't know your dad had a brother.

90. No, sorry. "Uncle" Bernie is a family friend.

91. - Bernard Arnault. He runs— - Moët and Louis Vuitton!

92. - Does he need another fake niece? - You can ask him yourself tomorrow.

93. That's very cool.

94. More importantly...

95. - where were we? - Champagne.

96. Harvey Nicks.

97. Fake uncles.

98. Drugged horses.

99. Oh, fuck.

100. - Hey. Morning. - Morning.

101. That was nice.

102. You staying over, I mean. Not the...

103. Well, that— Obviously, that was nice as well. I don't—

104. - Your breath smells good. - Thank you.

105. Did you go off and brush your teeth and then sneak back into bed?

106. Yeah, I did.

107. Does my breath smell awful?

108. Yeah, it does, ac—

109. Yeah, it is quite bad.

110. So, look, would you want to go and grab some breakfast?

111. I don't know if you've got plans or what.

112. No, breakfast sounds good.

113. You know, I don't have

114. any meals planned with anybody else in the foreseeable future.

115. I don't know. Do you?

116. No, I don't.

117. So if someone were to ask about us,

118. what terminology would you best recommend describes our relationship?

119. No, there's no pressure to label us...

120. you and I. I just— Yeah.

121. - All right. - Yeah.

122. Yeah, no, 'cause I'm just cool.

123. Just cool and casual. I just—

124. Me too. Wait. Did you shave?

125. Yeah, and showered. After I used the toilet in next door's flat.

126. Weird.

127. Wow.

128. Hi, baby. I know you're all the way up there in chilly Newcastle,

129. so here's a little something to warm you up.

130. Nope. You're right. I shouldn't watch it.

131. Shit. How did that get on the Internet? A private video that—

132. Apparently, there's been some massive leak. It's not just you.

133. It's actresses, singers, a couple politicians,

134. some random reality show guy with a very big dick.

135. Oh, my God. I can't believe this is happening. I—

136. How did that— Fuck! Fuck.

137. Hey. Hey, hey.

138. No, this is bad, because my friends are gonna see this. My family.

139. - The team. - Take a breath.

140. Oh, my God, and the office. I'm their boss.

141. Keeley, stop. Take a breath.

142. Yeah.

143. I'm so sorry this is happening.

144. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna take care of it, okay?

145. Thank you.

146. Okay, Henry. We have scored excellently on kit presentation.

147. Hanger integrity: insane.

148. But we did drop a little on the towel folding, didn't we?

149. But that's okay. I've been there. But that does lead us on to our next task,

150. which is towel placement.

151. The question is, are you ready?

152. Yeah.

153. Are you steady?

154. Yeah.

155. In that case, go!

156. Is this a game or child labor?

157. In late-stage capitalism, what's the difference?

158. - Word. - You're doing really well, Henry.

159. Then we'll go into the weight room and do some cleaning next. That'll be great.

160. Hey, fellas, let me ask you something.

161. If you could propose to someone, you know, anywhere in the world,

162. where would you do it?

163. Paris.

164. The Hall of Mirrors at Linderhof Palace in Germany,

165. because if she agreed, I'd be surrounded by a thousand yeses.

166. Or Paris. Why?

167. Dr. Jacob is gonna propose to Michelle.

168. - Yeah. - Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry.

169. - Do you wanna talk about it? - Yes, I do.

170. Diamond Dogs, mount up!

171. Never fucking mind.

172. What— what's going on? What— What's the Diamond Dogs?

173. It's a living fucking nightmare!

174. The Diamond Dogs are a group of men committed to supporting each other

175. by sharing their most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences. You in or out?

176. I'm in.

177. Goddamn it!

178. Roy chose "out."

179. Yeah, I assumed.

180. Sorry, just—

181. - I just came as fast as I could. - Take your time.

182. - Hey, we appreciate your expediency. - I got a bit light-headed.

183. Balance. Okay. I am okay.

184. First order of business: new member.

185. Coach, you have the floor.

186. Dr. Jacob and Michelle are getting engaged.

187. It's a hard moment when an ex moves on.

188. Did he at least ask your permission?

189. Well, I'm her ex-husband, not her current father.

190. So, no, he— No.

191. How did you find out?

192. He took her to Paris.

193. Can you believe that?

194. That's it?

195. - Unbelievable. - What?

196. Ted, I ran down the stairs for this and up some other stairs.

197. I'm gonna have leg cramps in my sleep tonight.

198. Okay, now, hold on a second, okay? This is happening, all right?

199. My man took Michelle to Paris on a surprise trip.

200. Why else would he do that?

201. Can I just talk whenever?

202. Well, he's right, Ted.

203. You can't worry about something that hasn't happened yet.

204. What he said. If anything, you should find out before you flip out.

205. "Find out before you flip out," huh?

206. Yeah, okay. No, that— Yeah, you're right.

207. Of course. Thank you. Yeah. Hey.

208. All right. Anybody else got something?

209. Roy, you got anything you wanna talk about?

210. - Fuck you. - Okay.

211. All right. Well, Diamond Dogs, disperse then.

212. Woof!

213. - Am I in trouble? - No, nothing like that. No. Promise.

214. - I'm sorry I'm late. - Oh, no, that's okay.

215. No, thank you for coming. Just take a seat. Thank you.

216. Just waiting on one more.

217. There you go.

218. - Are we in trouble? - No. Nobody's in trouble. Just...

219. Well, you know, I just don't wanna say it until everyone's here, so...

220. I'll call. It's fine. I'll just call.

221. - Hello, Coach Shelley. - Hello, Ms. Kakes.

222. I just wondered if Rupert was on his way to my office for our special meeting.

223. No, he's not coming to that.

224. I mean, he said that he would, so— I mean, is he busy?

225. No.

226. It's fine. Don't worry. I guess it's just us then.

227. For the very first meeting of the— Drumroll, please.

228. Love Hounds.

229. I thought that we men could

230. get together whenever we needed, every now and then,

231. and just talk and help each other out

232. with how things are going on in our personal lives.

233. Okay.

234. Well, I'd love to talk about the stresses of taking care of my aging parents.

235. Yeah, I'll start.

236. So I— I've started seeing this girl, and it's going real well.

237. I really like her. She's great.

238. But she's hesitant to label our relationship,

239. and I don't know whether to give her space

240. or whether to let her know just how strongly I feel about us being together.

241. Disco, would you— Do you got any thoughts or—

242. I've been divorced three times.

243. Never let them know how you feel. It's very expensive.

244. Okay.

245. I read this book that said,

246. "If you like a woman, you should insult her."

247. Okay, this meeting's over, and it'll probably never happen again.

248. Thank you for coming. Thank you both.

249. - Are we in trouble now? - No, Roger. Just go. No. Thank you.

250. It's all right.

251. Hey, Boss.

252. Morning, Ted.

253. - Here you go. - Morning. Thank you.

254. I could use your help.

255. Of course. Anything. Wait. Shouldn't you be at training?

256. Oh, yeah, but don't worry. I've got that all covered.

257. Go, go, go, go!

258. Right. Okay, then. Well, how can I help?

259. - I need to hire a private investigator. - Why?

260. 'Cause Dr. Jacob took Michelle to Paris, the French one,

261. and I'm pretty sure he's gonna propose.

262. Now I gotta find out if I'm right so I don't flip out when I am.

263. Ted, people visit Paris for all kinds of reasons.

264. - Yeah, like getting engaged. - No. They go to eat the amazing food—

265. - After getting engaged. - No.

266. Or they go to see Oscar Wilde's grave.

267. - Before they get engaged. - No.

268. Or they visit the Louvre to make fun of all the people

269. taking blurry pictures of an overrated painting.

270. Yeah. Where'd you and Rupert get engaged?

271. That doesn't matter.

272. See, that's what I'm talking about.

273. Right now, Dr. Romance is probably getting ready

274. to pop the question on top of the Eiffel Tower,

275. the most romantic frigging place in the world.

276. Oh, please. The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist.

277. Rebecca, come on. I just need to know what's going on with them.

278. Please help me.

279. Okay, Ted. I'll make the call.

280. - Okay. Thank you. - Okay.

281. I didn't know Oscar Wilde was dead.

282. Some of his quotes feel so modern, so of our time.

283. I know. Powerful.

284. Okay.

285. Come in.

286. Is now a good time, Ms. Jones?

287. Yes, of course. Yeah.

288. I'm sorry about what happened.

289. Thank you, Barbara.

290. Jack asked me to give you this.

291. What is it?

292. It's a statement.

293. "Allow me to first offer my sincere apologies.

294. I deeply regret that video that some of you have seen online.

295. I'm beyond embarrassed, and I should have never made this video in the first place."

296. "I hope you can forgive me while I learn and grow."

297. Jack thought you could post it across your socials.

298. But maybe not Facebook, 'cause that's just for

299. grandparents and racists now, isn't it?

300. Hey, Jamie? Jamie? Can I get some Lynx?

301. Yeah, sure, mate. What's your pit flavor? I've got Epic Fresh, Sport Recharge, Java,

302. Africa, Ice Chill, Gold, Excite, Black, Dark Temptation and Leather and Cookies.

303. - Leather and Cookies, please. - Smart choice for a smart boy.

304. - There you go. - Lovely stuff.

305. 'Ey. Have you smelled this?

306. Yo! Yo, y'all see this? A bunch of famous chicks got their nude photos leaked.

307. Oh, wow.

308. Hey, The Sun is calling it "The Great A-wank-ening."

309. What is the opposite of clever?

310. The Sun.

311. Well, I guess I know what I'm doing this weekend.

312. Oi, fuck that.

313. - We shouldn't be looking at that shit. - Why not?

314. Because it wasn't meant for us, Jan Maas. It was their private property.

315. Nah, bro. If you don't want your private pictures out there,

316. - just don't take naked pictures. - Yeah.

317. Especially being famous.

318. What? Come on, man.

319. - It's that simple. - Fuck that, Cowburn. No, man.

320. The only people to blame are the dickheads who steal your shit and put it online.

321. That's why I delete all the photos on my phone.

322. I swear down. Especially 'cause I'm famous.

323. Hey, listen. I'm with Jamie on this one.

324. Whenever I have a relationship end,

325. I ask the girl to go through my phone,

326. delete any photos, videos. Whatever she wants.

327. - Bro, for real? - Yeah. I'm being serious.

328. You know, one girl actually deleted Candy Crush.

329. I was devastated, but I also understood.

330. Hey, hold on. Once someone sends you a photo, don't you own it?

331. Copyright law on private photography is quite murky.

332. It's not about the law. It's about doing what is right. Like in Les Misérables.

333. Jean Valjean.

334. Fuck yeah, 24601.

335. No. 'Ey, deleting photos makes no sense.

336. What? Do we delete our memories too?

337. No, 'cause no one can steal your memories.

338. That's not entirely true.

339. - Yes. - Nah.

340. What if I took the photo?

341. - You should delete it. - What if it was a Christmas card?

342. Delete it, bro.

343. - What if it's artsy? - What the fuck does that mean?

344. It's in black-and-white. You can't see anything.

345. Delete it, mate.

346. What if I'm in the photo?

347. - Delete it. - I know. What about sonograms?

348. - Delete that shit. - What if I'm French?

349. - Delete it. - What if she's naked, but not sexual?

350. - What the fuck? What is she doing in it? - She's just defecating.

351. Delete it, bro.

352. - What about a commissioned painting? - Is it in a nice frame?

353. It's leaning against my couch.

354. Gotta burn it, bro.

355. No, I shouldn't have to delete my photos just because they might get stolen.

356. It's my stuff. Don't touch it.

357. I'm with that. That makes sense.

358. Hey, guys.

359. This article says Keeley was one of the women who was hacked.

360. Right. Everybody, take out your phones.

361. Delete every single picture and video that you've ever been sent. Now!

362. We're all targets for this shit. So delete everything.

363. But we're professional footballers. It could take days.

364. If not weeks.

365. Now!

366. Hey, man, take out your phone.

367. Colin. I wasn't playing. I told you to delete that shit.

368. I will, man. Fuck off.

369. - I said delete it right now. - Hey! Hey.

370. Fuck off.

371. This whole thing is so fucking upsetting. I tried to watch the video this morning,

372. and immediately, boom, I was right back to being 15 again,

373. reliving that moment where this topless photo I took

374. for Jimmy Daniels was being passed around at school.

375. Teenage boys can be awful.

376. Mr. Daniels was my teacher.

377. Well, men who act like teenage boys actually are awful.

378. I'm not an idiot.

379. I know there are tons of topless photos of me online. But those were my choice.

380. Absolutely. It makes a huge difference.

381. Yeah.

382. Is there anything I can do to help?

383. Restructure society so women aren't constantly sexualized

384. while simultaneously being crucified for being sexual?

385. On it.

386. - Should I be ashamed or embarrassed? - What?

387. I don't know.

388. How did Jack respond?

389. Yeah, she was really lovely.

390. And then I got this from her.

391. She didn't write this.

392. - You don't think so? - No, it's caked in lawyer ick.

393. You don't wanna say that, do you?

394. No.

395. Then tell her that. Give her a chance to surprise you.

396. Thank you.

397. You know, there might be a silver lining in all this.

398. Just think of how many young women you are going to teach how to masturbate properly.

399. - What? - I'm serious.

400. Back in the day, I didn't have a clue what I was doing.

401. And then one day I accidentally bumped into my parents' couch

402. and it felt nice, so I stuck with it.

403. A year later, my mum had to have everything reupholstered.

404. I blamed the dog.

405. - Well, that was smart. - Yeah, we didn't have a dog.

406. I love you.

407. I've got you.

408. Also, French sisters.

409. Spanish twins.

410. Mom and daughter in Mexico.

411. I'll miss you all. Merci.

412. - Hi. Thank you, love. Bye. - Hi. Yeah.

413. Oi, Keeley.

414. Hi.

415. Hey.

416. I heard about what happened. It's fucking shit.

417. Yeah, on so many levels.

418. I'm so sorry.

419. Thanks, Roy.

420. You okay?

421. All things considered, yeah. Yeah.

422. Good.

423. And you?

424. Me, yeah, I'm good.

425. Who was it for?

426. What?

427. The video. Who was it for?

428. Shit, I'm sorry, Keeley. I'm really sorry.

429. It's okay.

430. Fuck.

431. Fuck.

432. Babe?

433. In here.

434. Hey.

435. How you doing?

436. Better. Worse. Everything.

437. I got your statement.

438. Yeah, I'm sorry. I called my dad for advice, and his lawyers got involved.

439. It's corporate fuckery at its finest.

440. Yet, you had Barbara give it to me.

441. Well, I tried to pick the most sensitive, empathetic person I knew.

442. Jack, I can't do it.

443. I get it.

444. I'm just so sorry you have to deal with all of this shit.

445. I'm sorry that you have to too.

446. How about, for the next few hours, we pretend none of this shit happened?

447. Should we invite Barbara over? Mess it all up?

448. Yeah, let's definitely do that.

449. I'll bet she's a party animal.

450. You actually have no idea.

451. - Really? - Oh, yeah.

452. "Asim was right, Marcus thought.

453. They were failing, and worse than that, they were wasting time.

454. They were gonna wait another day before meeting?

455. That would only leave two days, and one of them was Saturday,

456. when they wouldn't be at Breakfast Club.

457. What if he never got his football back from the creature? What if—

458. A large hand landed on Marcus's shoulder,

459. and he spun around to find Mr. Anderson looking down at him.

460. 'I heard you went under the fence,' he said."

461. Oh, boy.

462. We're gonna stop there for the night. Cliff-hanger.

463. Hey, how was your flight out?

464. Good.

465. Yeah?

466. Do you know I have the most air miles of any kid in my school?

467. Oh, yeah?

468. Yeah, that don't surprise me.

469. Things at school good though? You and Doug back on track and all that?

470. Yeah.

471. We're starting a band.

472. Starting a band? Really?

473. All right. What instrument are you gonna play?

474. Drums.

475. Okay. Well, your mom's gonna love that.

476. You know what? Now might be a good time to let you know

477. that Dave Grohl learned to play drums on pillows.

478. We don't have to tell your mom that though right away.

479. Yeah, exactly.

480. Not as fun.

481. Getting all your homework done?

482. I have to, or I can't watch TV.

483. Of course. You know how it goes.

484. - Homework. Dinner. TV time. - Homework. Dinner. TV time.

485. That's right.

486. Good system.

487. Does...

488. Does Dr. Jacob ever, you know, hang out around TV time with you?

489. Who is that?

490. No. Sorry. Jake. Mom's friend, Jake.

491. - Sometimes. - Sometimes, yeah.

492. Yeah. That's all right.

493. Does he ever...

494. read to you, like, at night? Like, bedtime?

495. It's totally fine.

496. Nothing wrong with that, I think that's great.

497. It's good to have people in your life that are excited to be around you, you know?

498. Especially if, you know...

499. it's someone who makes your mom happy and all that.

500. Which he seems to do.

501. You guys get along all right?

502. Come on, man.

503. Good morning.

504. Holy shit.

505. I didn't wanna wake you, so I went out and did some cheeky retail therapy.

506. I loved it so much, I didn't want to take it off.

507. - What do you think? - You look incredible.

508. I mean, nothing but the best for our dear Uncle Bernie, right?

509. Shit.

510. Babe, I canceled that.

511. I just— After the whole thing,

512. I thought you wouldn't want to be around a bunch of press and cameras.

513. I'm sorry. I should've asked.

514. - I thought I was doing the right thing. - No. Don't apologize.

515. You're right. Thank you. I didn't think about that.

516. But you know what?

517. Leave it on, and I'll put on my own killer fucking outfit,

518. and we can go do something stupid and fun and look amazing while doing it.

519. Yeah, okay.

520. No, actually, take it off.

521. Oh, my God.

522. - Keep the hat on, but... - Jesus.

523. everything else is definitely coming off.

524. Okay, bud.

525. Coach and I got the whole day off.

526. We're talking no game, no scouting, no nothing.

527. The world is our oyster.

528. Okay. Well, how about the world is our shrimp cocktail?

529. Okay, great.

530. All right, Coach. What are our options?

531. There is a immersive Jack the Ripper walking tour

532. that Jane's been raving about.

533. It's, like, six hours long, and at one point, you get chased.

534. What are you nuts? I mean, he's a boy.

535. Fine, there's the London Eye. There's the Tower of London.

536. There's all the London stuff.

537. There's a rave in Peckham.

538. Okay, Coach, I appreciate it.

539. Hey, big guy, what do you wanna do? We could go to some museums.

540. We could rent a boat, float down the Thames.

541. They spell it weird, but it is lovely.

542. I wanna go see a football game.

543. Okay.

544. Let me see if I got this straight.

545. My one day off from football, you wanna go watch football?

546. It's a little bit like asking a mailman to go for a walk on his day off,

547. don't you think?

548. Yeah, you don't care. You're just a little boy, ambivalent as all heck. Okay.

549. Coach, we got any games in town today?

550. There's one.

551. Well, there you go.

552. But I'm gonna have to stop at home first.

553. Look. There he is, there.

554. Hey, Nate!

555. Nate!

556. Nate!

557. Coach, look who came to watch.

558. Nate!

559. Must be looking for tips.

560. - He saw me, Dad. He saw me. - Yeah, he did. He heard you too.

561. Holy shit.

562. Well, what can I say? I'm the daughter of a billionaire.

563. I learned to read a green before I learned to read a book.

564. Well, you might be a great golfer, but I happen to be a really great cheater.

565. So I think that makes us even.

566. Watch out!

567. Oh, my goodness, it's a tie.

568. - Uh-huh? - Yes, look.

569. Isn't this way better than watching polo with a bunch of old white men?

570. Definitely.

571. And I reckon the dinosaurs here are much less handsy.

572. Oh, yeah, the dinosaurs are.

573. But I can't say the same for some other people.

574. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

575. Jack?

576. Sorry. Excuse me.

577. Oh, my—

578. - Hi. - Look at you. Nice suit.

579. What are you doing here?

580. My sister's hen do.

581. - She's marrying a golfer. - A professional?

582. Oh, no. He just golfs.

583. We have to do a shot every hole,

584. but the good news is her friends suck.

585. Hello.

586. This is Alyssa. We went to uni together.

587. And this is my friend, Keeley Jones.

588. - Hi. - Hi.

589. Keeley runs a PR firm.

590. You or your family ever need anyone, this is who you want.

591. That's me.

592. Cool.

593. Alyssa! Come on!

594. - Coming, Sis! - Hurry up!

595. Come on.

596. Fucking families.

597. Anyway, it was nice to see you, Jack.

598. - Yeah, you too. - Love the hat.

599. Thanks. Yeah.

600. All right, let's make things a little more interesting, shall we?

601. Ten pounds a hole, but I will spot you 20 strokes.

602. - You're on. - But no cheating.

603. Then only a pound a hole.

604. Great match, Coach.

605. - Hello, my darlings. - Hey, Mae.

606. - What have you three been up to today? - We went to the West Ham game.

607. Then you don't drink in this pub.

608. - Hey, come on, Mae. - He's a child.

609. - Hey! - Mae!

610. Thank you.

611. You think I wanted to fucking be there?

612. You two are on probation.

613. - Yes, ma'am. - Fair enough.

614. Bye, Mae.

615. - Dad. - Yeah?

616. - Listen. - What?

617. The Beatles.

618. Oh, yeah.

619. Hey, you know what? I'll be right back.

620. Hey, Boss, what do you got for me?

621. Right. Ted, listen, I want you to know, you do not have to go down this road.

622. I know, but I need to, okay?

623. 'Cause right now, Michelle and this Dr. Jacob fella

624. could be sitting there, having dinner at one of her favorite Parisian hotels,

625. like the George Sank...

626. - Cinq. - ... or the Plaza Anthony.

627. Athénée. Hold on.

628. Her favorite hotels in Paris? I thought you said she'd never been there.

629. Yeah, she hasn't. But the George Stank...

630. - Cinq. - ... is from her favorite movie, French Kiss,

631. - and the Plaza Anthony— - Athénée.

632. That's from her favorite TV show,

633. - Sex in the City. - Sex and the City.

634. Wait, what's all that noise? Where are you?

635. Sounds like someone's singing.

636. Wh— No, I'm sorry. I'm at a pub with Beard and Henry.

637. Why? Is it too loud? I can step away further if that helps.

638. No, it's fine.

639. Where were we?

640. You think I'm nuts.

641. Thanks, Michael.

642. So, you like The Beatles, huh?

643. Why is that?

644. 'Cause my dad does.

645. You know what this song's about?

646. Someone named Jude.

647. Not just someone. A little boy named Jude.

648. And one day his mom and dad decided to break up. You know, get divorced.

649. And that made Jude real, real sad.

650. Now, Jude's dad had a best friend,

651. and that best friend was real worried about Jude and all his sad feelings.

652. So he wrote him this song,

653. hoping that, well, the words might help him somewhere down the road.

654. The long and winding road?

655. Hey, Henry.

656. You have a great mom and dad, and they love you tons,

657. even though it's weird they live in different countries.

658. And I know right now it feels like you're in a sad song.

659. But you, young man,

660. you have the power to take a sad song and make it better.

661. I like that.

662. Yeah, me too.

663. But you know what the best thing about this song is?

664. What?

665. This!

666. Enjoy yourself, laddie! Come on! Fucking sing it!

667. You know, Ted, I'm so curious about something.

668. Why didn't you ever take Michelle to Paris yourself?

669. Well, I wanted to. I mean, you know, we were too broke to go on our honeymoon.

670. And then, well, we both got busy.

671. And then we had Henry, and I just— I always thought we'd have more time.

672. Ted, I'm sorry.

673. Thank you.

674. But seriously, who gives a flying fuck if Michelle gets engaged?

675. That time in your relationship with her has passed,

676. but your time with Henry hasn't.

677. You need to stop letting yesterday get in the way of today, Ted.

678. Well, I don't think he's singing "Yesterday."

679. Ted.

680. No, I know. I'm just joking.

681. - And you're right. - Of course, I'm right. I'm always right.

682. Now, for the love of God, will you get back to that pub

683. and sing "Hey Jude" with your boy?

684. Mercy buckets, Boss.

685. De rien, Coach Lasso.

686. Thank you.

687. Yeah. Uh-huh.

688. No, I agree. It's much better.

689. Thank you, George.

690. Okay, so, good news.

691. We've got a much more toned-down version of the statement.

692. The last one was so shit.

693. Great.

694. I was once broken up with by a guy's doorman.

695. I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever.

696. Hey.

697. I know it's lame. But it will help, believe me.

698. Before, when you said that you were gonna take care of this,

699. I thought that meant you were gonna get the video taken down

700. - or something like that. - We tried. It's the fucking Internet.

701. Making this statement is taking care of it now.

702. By having me make an apology?

703. Yes.

704. Please just do it.

705. Sorry, but it's not a great look when the person I'm seeing,

706. whose company I fund, has a porno online.

707. A porno?

708. You know what I mean. We're just— We're limiting the damage. Okay?

709. Jack, I'm not doing it.

710. This video being leaked is not my fault. But for some reason, you think it is.

711. Well, maybe, I don't know— maybe you shouldn't have made the video

712. in the first place.

713. It's certainly not something to be proud of, Keeley.

714. I don't regret making that video.

715. And I don't regret sending it.

716. Are there more out there?

717. I don't know.

718. - What are you doing? - I think I should go.

719. Are you coming back?

720. I don't know.

721. Right.

722. Do you want to go out and celebrate?

723. Celebrate what?

724. - Didn't you win today? - Oh, yeah. But...

725. No. That's okay though.

726. Already working on the next one, so...

727. You should enjoy your victories.

728. It looks like they did.

729. There it is.

730. What?

731. I love your smile.

732. I like to see my boyfriend happy.

733. Boyfriend.

734. Yeah.

735. If you're into labels.

736. Yeah. No, I'm into labels. Sure.

737. - Yeah? - Yeah.

738. - "This is Jade. She's my girlfriend." - Yeah?

739. Sounds good, doesn't it?

740. "Nate. That's my boyfriend."

741. - Nate's your boyfriend? - Yeah. Have you met him? He's amazing.

742. Thank you very much.

743. Jamie.

744. - Hey. - Hi.

745. So, I'm sorry just to drop in on you. I just—

746. - I was nervous to text you. I— - Yeah.

747. I mean, like, you and everyone in my family.

748. - Yeah. - Yeah.

749. Well, I just— I wanted to check in on you. See how you're doing.

750. It's just so fucking shit, all of this.

751. Thanks, Jamie.

752. Yeah, doing all right.

753. Yeah?

754. That's good.

755. And I also— I just— I wanted to apologize.

756. - No, you don't have to do that. - No, I do. Oh, no, I do.

757. - I do. - Jamie, this is not your fault.

758. No, it is my fault. And let me just— I just need to tell you.

759. I deleted it off my phone way back when we broke up.

760. I deleted everything.

761. I mean, not straightaway, 'cause I did think that you and me

762. was maybe gonna get back together again.

763. But then you started going out with Roy, and that's when I deleted most of it.

764. Well, like, half.

765. But that was mostly out of anger, to be honest.

766. Because, well, I think—

767. I thought the only reason that the two of you was going out was to make me jealous.

768. But...

769. Then I saw it was real, and then I got rid of it all.

770. I just forgot about the fucking emails.

771. It's so stupid. I should have been more careful.

772. I should have picked a stronger password or something.

773. Oh, no.

774. Don't tell me your password was "password," Jamie.

775. Yeah.

776. Well, to be fair, I did think I'd fool 'em 'cause I spelled it with two S's.

777. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Keeley.

778. Really am.

779. Thank you, Jamie.

780. Excuse me, do you mind taking a photo of me at the box?

781. - Oh, yeah. - Thanks.

782. - All right. - No.

783. - It's like that. Yeah. - All right.

784. - It's all right. - Take a good one.

785. All right. Smile. There we go.

786. All right, big guy. Time to roll. Let's do it.

787. - Bonjour! - In here!

788. Hi, kiddo.

789. Mom!

790. I missed you. Did you have fun with your dad?

791. Yeah. He's gonna buy me a drum kit.

792. - Is he really? - W—

793. You know what? I love you, buddy.

794. I love you too, Dad.

795. All right, go on. Get outta here.

796. I don't know where he gets these ideas.

797. Hey, don't forget this thing.

798. What are you doing?

799. You— Sorry, I was screwing around.

800. Okay.

801. How was Paris?

802. It was all right.

803. Yeah. Well, that's what it's known for. City of all rights.

804. Come on, Mom!

805. It was good seeing you.

806. Good seeing you too.

807. You know, Dave Grohl learned to play drums on pillows.

808. I'm coming!

809. There he is. Huh?