1. Ah!Copy !req
2. No!Copy !req
3. Hello. Thank you. I am Greg Davies
and this, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
4. it's the 50th ever episode
of Taskmaster.Copy !req
5. It's going to be one hell
of a night.Copy !req
6. Or it might be like any other
episodeCopy !req
7. but with a few more references
to the number 50.Copy !req
8. Let's meet the five trophy-hungry
contestants joining usCopy !req
9. to both compete in and celebrate
this auspicious occasion.Copy !req
10. They are: James Acaster,Copy !req
11. Jessica Knappett,Copy !req
12. Kerry Godliman,Copy !req
13. Phil Wang,Copy !req
14. and Rhod Gilbert.Copy !req
15. And next to me for the 50th time -
the 50th time -Copy !req
16. he claims that he's 6ft but he's
just below five...Copy !req
17. .. little Alex
Horne! Two. 6ft2.Copy !req
18. I've just got stats. Stats today.
OK.Copy !req
19. 50 episodes, 35 contestants,
263 tasks,Copy !req
20. 45 disqualifications,
11 tie-breaks, 228 breaks,Copy !req
21. two arm breaks, one marriage,
one Taskmaster babyCopy !req
22. and one everlasting friendship.Copy !req
23. Yeah?Copy !req
24. Are you allowing that?
You think we're friends, do you?Copy !req
25. Forever.Copy !req
26. I don't think you could tell me one
thing about my lifeCopy !req
27. outside of this show.Copy !req
28. What car have I got?
A car? A Honda.Copy !req
29. No!Copy !req
30. So, on with the 50th special one.
Right. Come on, then.Copy !req
31. Let's make this a good one.
I'll try.Copy !req
32. And the best possible way to go
about making that happenCopy !req
33. would have to be by starting with
the Prize TaskCopy !req
34. And it's a neat one this week. We've
asked them to bring in the best key.Copy !req
35. Kerry, what's the special key you've
brought in?Copy !req
36. My special key is the key
to my campervan,Copy !req
37. which I'm very excited about.Copy !req
38. The key looks like this. Ready for
the campervan? Yeah.Copy !req
39. Oh, fucking hell.Copy !req
40. What do you think a campervan looks
like? I love the key.Copy !req
41. What do you expect a campervan
to look like?Copy !req
42. You've put this in as a prize
because you don't want to payCopy !req
43. to have it towed away!Copy !req
44. My campervan is a thing of joy.
It is?Copy !req
45. It's got loads of cupboards
and drawers.Copy !req
46. It's like Sylvanians for grown-ups.Copy !req
47. OK, just for argument's sake,Copy !req
48. Phil, you win this show, what are
you going to do with that van?Copy !req
49. Strip it for parts. Thank you.Copy !req
50. Move on? Let's move on. Fine.Copy !req
51. Phil, obviously you've got your eye
on the strip down prize van,Copy !req
52. but what did you bring in?Copy !req
53. I brought the best key, which is
the G key from a piano.Copy !req
54. Here it is.
Nice.Copy !req
55. There it is.Copy !req
56. It's G, which is the best key. It's
the highest letter on the alphabetCopy !req
57. before they gave up and went back
to A, because you can't top a G!Copy !req
58. Listen, you know, I like it.
Well, I say that...Copy !req
59. Kerry's is better. Now...Copy !req
60. I've ripped this with my bare hands
out of a real piano.Copy !req
61. I put it to you that that is a...Copy !req
62. Yes, and you're right to do
that face.Copy !req
63. Two can play that game, Phil.Copy !req
64. I put it to you...Copy !req
65. .. that that is a stock library
picture of a... It is not a stock...Copy !req
66. No. He did bring in a key, but I
don't know where he got it from.Copy !req
67. We shot it nicely, didn't we?Copy !req
68. That's going to come off your wage
for this show, young man.Copy !req
69. Jess?Copy !req
70. I've thought outside the box.
It's called a key...Copy !req
71. lime pie.Copy !req
72. Brackets - Homemade! Did you really
make it? Yes, I really made it.Copy !req
73. If it's a stock library picture, I'm
going to attack Phil. It's not.Copy !req
74. You will... I've...Copy !req
75. Here it is, here's the pie.Copy !req
76. "I The Heart Taskmaster."
Yes, OK.Copy !req
77. It is "I The Heart Taskmaster!"Copy !req
78. But it should say,
I Heart The Taskmaster.Copy !req
79. Which it does if you read it
the right way round,Copy !req
80. which is the wrong way round.Copy !req
81. Did you really make it?
Yes, I really made it.Copy !req
82. It looks genuinely delicious.
Well, it genuinely is!Copy !req
83. As a special 50th episode
celebration,Copy !req
84. I'm going to let Alex eat all of
that pie at the end of the show.Copy !req
85. And I mean... All of it.Copy !req
86. And well he should.
After the show?Copy !req
87. No. When the winner goes up to
collect the prizes,Copy !req
88. you can eat that entire pie!Copy !req
89. OK. OK, good. So I look forward
to that. James Acaster?Copy !req
90. I brought in the key to my heart.
He's brought in this.Copy !req
91. I love ice cream.Copy !req
92. And I hope Alex likes ice cream
with his key lime pie. Yeah.Copy !req
93. You are going to be a very full boy!Copy !req
94. What we'll have to do, is we'll have
to find out what Rhod's brought in.Copy !req
95. Fingers crossed it's better than
a bowl of ice cream.Copy !req
96. Of course it's going to be better
than a bowl of ice cream!Copy !req
97. I don't think it will be.
Sorry to interrupt,Copy !req
98. it's definitely going to come last.Copy !req
99. Why?Copy !req
100. Gut instinct.Copy !req
101. Rhodri?Copy !req
102. I went a bit outside the box,
as well. Because I thought...Copy !req
103. 'Can I make a prediction? This is
going to be a picture of me looking
fat.Copy !req
104. Here is Rhod's key.Copy !req
105. I thought a key helps you make
sense of things sometimes.Copy !req
106. It's probably a weird thing to say,Copy !req
107. but it sort of does it for me
as a picture.Copy !req
108. So, who's in last place?
Oh, well, James is in last place.Copy !req
109. Bringing a bowl of ice cream in!Copy !req
110. One point to James Acaster.Copy !req
111. Based on the fact that I still
believe that's a library pictureCopy !req
112. of a piano key, I'm giving Phil
two points.Copy !req
113. Which it's not, but fine. OK.
So, second to last.Copy !req
114. If it's proved otherwise to me, if I
see the physical proof of the key...Copy !req
115. You will at the end of the show.
..I'll give him a bonus point.Copy !req
116. We all know the prizes come up at
the end, definitely going to see it.Copy !req
117. No, I thought it might be a
picture of the key.Copy !req
118. You think that's going to go up
and it's like Bullseye -Copy !req
119. there's going to be a fucking
campervan up there?Copy !req
120. That is a good point.Copy !req
121. Two for Phil. Two points for
Phil Wang. That's right.Copy !req
122. Third place with three points, just
because he's been so gobbyCopy !req
123. in the last two minutes,
Rhod Gilbert. OK.Copy !req
124. He's standing up, now.Copy !req
125. Ooh!Copy !req
126. Jess, I'm giving you four points
because the pie looks niceCopy !req
127. and I can't wait to see this prick
eat it!Copy !req
128. I'll take it. Have we all been
beaten by the campervan?Copy !req
129. Yeah, we fucking have.Copy !req
130. It would appear so!Copy !req
131. Five points to Kerry. There.
Yes! Kerry wins the task.Copy !req
132. We are shifting now, aren't we? Yes.
What do you have ready and waitingCopy !req
133. in the wings for us, Alex? I have
something very apt for episode 50.Copy !req
134. Ready? Yeah.
Here we go.Copy !req
135. Hello, James.Copy !req
136. Ah!Copy !req
137. Put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.Copy !req
138. Fastest wins.Copy !req
139. Your time stops when you say,Copy !req
140. "I've put exactly 50 different
things in this bin."Copy !req
141. Fit Alex in this bin,Copy !req
142. roll him down the hill,
fastest wins!Copy !req
143. That was a wind up. Get used
to them.Copy !req
144. What does the last bit say?
The last bit says...Copy !req
145. Your time starts when Alex...Copy !req
146. Touches you on the shoulder.
Oh, God! Ugh!Copy !req
147. I thought you might run!
Oh!Copy !req
148. Time starts now, James.
Oh.Copy !req
149. I can't go any longer.Copy !req
150. I've started the clock. I've started
the clock.Copy !req
151. Your time's started, Rhod.Copy !req
152. Ugh!Copy !req
153. Right, now it's thinking time.Copy !req
154. It's nice for us to fall into
the stereotypes there.Copy !req
155. Oh, I can get extra time here,
I could get extra time.Copy !req
156. And those two - it worked - but
not for Granddad, did it?Copy !req
157. Yes, so this is actually a two-part
task,Copy !req
158. but we're going to deal with each
part separately, Greg.Copy !req
159. First, let's see how they gathered
their items. Ready? Yes. Here we go.Copy !req
160. Right. One at a time, is it?
One... For now. One.Copy !req
161. One potato.
Two.Copy !req
162. Three, four, five, six...Copy !req
163. seven.Copy !req
164. Oh, hold on. What am I doing?Copy !req
165. Eight, nine...Copy !req
166. Ten, 11, 12...Copy !req
167. 13, 14, 15...Copy !req
168. 16, 17, 18...Copy !req
169. 19, 20, 21, 22...Copy !req
170. 23, 24...Copy !req
171. 25, 26...Copy !req
172. 27, 28...Copy !req
173. 29...
30.Copy !req
174. 31...
32, three, four...Copy !req
175. 35, 36...Copy !req
176. 37, 38, 39...Copy !req
177. 40.
41, 42...Copy !req
178. 43...Copy !req
179. 45...Copy !req
180. Oh!Copy !req
181. 44!Copy !req
182. 45...Copy !req
183. 46...
47...Copy !req
184. 48... 49...Copy !req
185. 50.Copy !req
186. I put exactly 50 things in this bin!
Suck it!Copy !req
187. I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.Copy !req
188. I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.Copy !req
189. I've put 50 things in this bin.Copy !req
190. I've put exactly 50 different...
Different things!Copy !req
191. Right, we need to nip a potential
argument in the bud here, I think,Copy !req
192. with the definition of different
things.Copy !req
193. Well, all of them put two of the
same things in, except for Phil.Copy !req
194. All 50 of Phil's were different,Copy !req
195. but I suppose you could say that
the stones were all different,Copy !req
196. the oranges were... They're
different stones from each other.Copy !req
197. But Phil was the only one who made
the effortCopy !req
198. to put 50 totally different things
in.Copy !req
199. And that is reflected in the time.Copy !req
200. Just while I'm thinking about this,
erm...Copy !req
201. do you want to explain "Suck it!"Copy !req
202. Why I shouted suck it at the end?
Yeah.Copy !req
203. I felt good.Copy !req
204. But who was it directed at?Copy !req
205. Just everyone in general.
Suck it.Copy !req
206. Everyone - you two and Wolf from
Gladiators and...Copy !req
207. the cat bin lady - everyone.Copy !req
208. Tell us the time.
Well, Jess took 2mins 52secs.Copy !req
209. Going back-and-forth to the shed,Copy !req
210. instead of bringing the bin
to the shed.Copy !req
211. Rhod was very tired, of course,
2mins 30secs.Copy !req
212. Kerry - potato, then mainly fruit -
1min 27secs.Copy !req
213. James, 58 seconds - just the stones.
Woah!Copy !req
214. Stones and one ukulele.Copy !req
215. Phil, who's traditionally slow,
this time really slow, 6mins 57secs.Copy !req
216. So, are we rewarding them for speed
or does Phil get any special...Copy !req
217. I think it's all about speed.
If there's a piano key up there,Copy !req
218. 'I'm not going to give him a bonus
point, but I'm going to secure him
one nowCopy !req
219. for putting 50 different things in,
cos I think it needs rewarding.Copy !req
220. 'Phil was the slowest, so he gets one
point, but you're giving him a bonus
point... He gets twopoints.Copy !req
221. OK. Then Jessica's two points,
three points to Rhod, Kerry, four,Copy !req
222. but James wins the first part of
the task and gets five points.Copy !req
223. Incredibly.Copy !req
224. Right, that's it, my friends.
It's the end of the first partCopy !req
225. of this special half-century
episode.Copy !req
226. So, go do your business and come
back hereCopy !req
227. when you've cleaned up!Copy !req
228. Hello, everyone. It's part two of
our 50th show togetherCopy !req
229. and yet I still don't feel like
I know you.Copy !req
230. Maybe you never will, Greg.
Maybe you never will.Copy !req
231. So, can we now see the other part
of this task, please, Alex?Copy !req
232. Yes, there was more to this than
just gathering 50 things.Copy !req
233. Here's the next bit
of the task.Copy !req
234. I recognise these guys. Coincidence?
I don't think so!Copy !req
235. These are the things I put in
the bin.Copy !req
236. Right, I'm going to open this and
then I'm going to have a rest.Copy !req
237. Using all the items on this mat...Copy !req
238. Make the best picture of
the Taskmaster.Copy !req
239. You have ten minutes, your time
starts now!Copy !req
240. You want me to do a picture of the
escaped Easter Island monumentCopy !req
241. that you call the Taskmaster?Copy !req
242. Oh, shit! I should have gone for
something more varied than this.Copy !req
243. Your time starts now.Copy !req
244. Well, I've got lots of red
for the mouth.Copy !req
245. OK, these are going to be eyebrows,
he's quite frowny, isn't he?Copy !req
246. He's got one of those... Has he got
one of those bum chins?Copy !req
247. Can I break this?
You can do whatever you want.Copy !req
248. I've just noticed just quite how
much my bulge is pushing out.Copy !req
249. Bulge?
My bulge.Copy !req
250. His teeth are definitely a green or
brown, but his eyes are blue.Copy !req
251. Here's one of his little pencil
legs, down there. Mm-hm.Copy !req
252. His legs are absurdly out
of proportion.Copy !req
253. This is quite good. It's quite
Picasso-esque. It's so Greg.Copy !req
254. Arms, I forgot!Copy !req
255. Shit!
Does he have arms?Copy !req
256. Yeah, he does, but he doesn't
use them.Copy !req
257. Mm. Thank you, Phil. Pleasure, guys.
Ah!Copy !req
258. 'Does anyone want to talk through
their workings? They all said you
had angry eyebrows,Copy !req
259. you're frowny, you're not very
smileyCopy !req
260. and Phil said, "I wish I'd filled
the bin with pasty-coloured things!"Copy !req
261. Don't, er... Thanks for that extra
point, Greg. Erm...Copy !req
262. Enjoy it. Really enjoy it.
Suck it, in fact.Copy !req
263. Well, let's start. I'll show you
what Rhod and KerryCopy !req
264. put in their bins and then what
they did with it. Let's do it.Copy !req
265. This is their raw ingredients,
Rhod and Kerry,Copy !req
266. and this is what they ended up with.Copy !req
267. 'Pretty flattering. Yeah, and I
haven't got a problem, weirdly,
with having no arms.Copy !req
268. Even though you had plenty of leaves
to make arms with,Copy !req
269. but you focused on them going
on my stomach.Copy !req
270. Well, if I'd have given you arms,
I'd have had to made you look thin!Copy !req
271. 'And I think you'd agree, it's better
like this with you fat and no
arms...Copy !req
272. Well, there's some fascinating
decisions by you, Kerry.Copy !req
273. Because as the neck demonstrates,
there were enough orangesCopy !req
274. to give me two legs that are
the same width!Copy !req
275. So you went, if I'm really going to
make it look like him,Copy !req
276. I'm going to have to get that
withered leg in place...Copy !req
277. early doors.Copy !req
278. I wasn't thinking like that,
that wasn't a conscious decision.Copy !req
279. What's the silver bowl?
It's a little fascinator.Copy !req
280. A little coquettish fascinator.
Yes. You're going to a wedding.Copy !req
281. Ah! "Congratulations on your
wedding!"Copy !req
282. "Are you wearing a fascinator,
Greg?"Copy !req
283. "Shh-shh, it's not about me, it's
not about me."Copy !req
284. "Can you help me through this door?"
"Why?"Copy !req
285. "Because one of my legs is
withered."Copy !req
286. Who's next, please, Alex? Now we get
to see Jess and Phil's masterpieces.Copy !req
287. This is what they were working withCopy !req
288. and this is what they mustered up.
Here we go.Copy !req
289. That is really, seriously good.
That is brilliant.Copy !req
290. I'm sorry, did you mishear and think
it was a portrait of meCopy !req
291. after I'd fallen out of a pine tree?Copy !req
292. It's an Angry Bird Pig.
Oh, in that case, full marks.Copy !req
293. Because that's the look I've been
trying to perfect for years.Copy !req
294. Jess? What's so worrying is I was so
proud of that when I made it.Copy !req
295. I honestly thought it was really
good.Copy !req
296. What the hell is that oblong
on my face?Copy !req
297. More to the point, there's paint!Copy !req
298. So I could have used the paint!
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
299. You're the only one who put art
materials in.Copy !req
300. And then just used them as
the top of my head!Copy !req
301. There's one more. Right, we've
secured last place,Copy !req
302. but let's have a look.
OK.Copy !req
303. This is what James Acaster,Copy !req
304. Portrait Artist Of The Year,
was working with.Copy !req
305. He transformed that into these.Copy !req
306. That's good.Copy !req
307. I was really pleased with it.Copy !req
308. I went into that room and saw what
I had to work withCopy !req
309. and I was really scared.
And then you smashed up the ukulele.Copy !req
310. I smashed it up and I was amazed.
With each smash,Copy !req
311. it just came off like a perfect part
of your body.Copy !req
312. That is an incredible piece of work.Copy !req
313. What I think is delightful
and incredibleCopy !req
314. is that you have managed to show
the fear in Alex's face.Copy !req
315. Do you want to see all five together
and you can judge them? I do.Copy !req
316. OK, so here's the five Greg faces.Copy !req
317. And I'm going to judge thisCopy !req
318. based on which ones I think look
most like me. OK.Copy !req
319. I'm sorry, Phil... What? I'm sorry.
This is just a leafy duck!Copy !req
320. What is this?Copy !req
321. That's shit, that's really bad.
Please.Copy !req
322. I've been very kind to you, I think
I've been very generous. Charitable.Copy !req
323. I gave you a bonus point, I never
give bonus points out... Never.Copy !req
324. .. but I've got to look at that
and say that's deeply hurtful.Copy !req
325. It's a mental pig.Copy !req
326. And I'm giving you one point.
One point to Phil.Copy !req
327. And purely... Two points, purely
based on the factCopy !req
328. that I haven't got an oblong on
the side of my face,Copy !req
329. I'm giving two points to Jessica.
Two to Jess. Thank you.Copy !req
330. That's second last place.
Third place?Copy !req
331. I've worked very hard on my withered
leg, very hard.Copy !req
332. I'm giving you three points.
Three to Kerry. To Kerry.Copy !req
333. So it's between Rhod and James.
Yeah. Well, I think... What?Copy !req
334. How?Copy !req
335. I think that... Sorry! Rhod has
captured of the essence of the angerCopy !req
336. I feel when Rhod walks into a room.
A sort of dark...Copy !req
337. 'I was doing you just after I'd
walked into a room. There you go.
Four points.Copy !req
338. But Jesus Christ, if I could give
you ten, I would.Copy !req
339. Five points for James.
OK, five points for James.Copy !req
340. Scoreboard me up.
OK.Copy !req
341. Do you want an update on the series
at this point? Yes, please.Copy !req
342. We're over half way.Copy !req
343. Two members of the contestant team
are in triple figures.Copy !req
344. Phil's on 73.
Oh, no!Copy !req
345. 73. James, 93. Rhod, 95.Copy !req
346. Jess, 101. Kerry's on 105, in the
lead, at the moment.Copy !req
347. Ooh!Copy !req
348. In this episode: Phil, again, adrift
on five.Copy !req
349. At the other end, again, Kerry's on
12, James is on 11.Copy !req
350. That's where we are at this moment
in time.Copy !req
351. I would very much enjoy seeing
another task.Copy !req
352. OK, I thought you would. OK, we have
one right here and this one is...Copy !req
353. .. the next task.Copy !req
354. Watch your head, Kez.Copy !req
355. Ooh! Oh!Copy !req
356. Hello. Sunshine!
Hello.Copy !req
357. Hello.
Oh, hey, Al... exCopy !req
358. Do it. I'm doing it. It's on a
hanger. It is on ribbons.Copy !req
359. Is it a clue?Copy !req
360. Oh, God.
Oh!Copy !req
361. Write and perform the most
suspenseful...Copy !req
362. .. soap opera cliffhanger.Copy !req
363. Your scene may last no more
than one minute.Copy !req
364. You have 30 minutes...
How many?Copy !req
365. 30 minutes to write a one minute
scene.Copy !req
366. Your time starts now.
Right.Copy !req
367. Write and perform.Copy !req
368. I've already written mine. In my
head, Phil's pregnant. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
369. Does he keep it?Copy !req
370. One of us has got the other one
pregnant.Copy !req
371. That doesn't work, does it?
I'd quite like to do a fight.Copy !req
372. Yeah, we should definitely have
a catfight.Copy !req
373. So, one of us is pregnant... How are
your, erm...? Stage fighting?Copy !req
374. Oh, you went the wrong way!Copy !req
375. She was very happy!Copy !req
376. I may have implied from time to time
during this seriesCopy !req
377. that Kerry Godliman takes on the
persona of Phil MitchellCopy !req
378. in her approach to tasks.
Which is sometimes,Copy !req
379. 'IN COCKNEY ACCENT: "Right, I see
what we're doing. Fuck, let's do it.
Bosh."Copy !req
380. Be interesting to see which way
you go when offered up.Copy !req
381. Oh, the suspense!Copy !req
382. Don't turn your back on me, don't
you even think about it.Copy !req
383. Oh, go on, then. Go and see some
adverts. See you soon.Copy !req
384. It's part three. Welcome back.
Or more like party three!Copy !req
385. 'Because we're having a whale of a
time, aren't we, on our 50th
episode?Copy !req
386. Oh, man. There's a killer vibe in
our crib right now(!)Copy !req
387. So, before the break, a team task
was taking placeCopy !req
388. where they had to write and performCopy !req
389. the most suspenseful soap opera
cliffhanger.Copy !req
390. Right, bosh. Who are we seeing
first?Copy !req
391. OK, the first cliffhanger we're
going to see is...Copy !req
392. .. the boys' attempt.Copy !req
393. Philippa?Copy !req
394. Open this door!Copy !req
395. Open this...Copy !req
396. door!Copy !req
397. What have you been doing in here?Copy !req
398. And what have I told you about
locking doors in this house?Copy !req
399. We don't have locked doors
in this house.Copy !req
400. I've been waiting downstairs for you
nine months.Copy !req
401. You've not been out of this bath
for nine months.Copy !req
402. What are you playing at? I've been
waiting for my dinner, I'm starving!Copy !req
403. Meanwhile, you're in here and you're
getting fatter, if anything.Copy !req
404. Have you eaten all the food, is that
what you've been doing?Copy !req
405. Nine months in the bath, eating all
my dinner.Copy !req
406. What have you got to say for
yourself?Copy !req
407. James, no.Copy !req
408. James, I'm not fat,Copy !req
409. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
410. Really? I'm going to be a dad?Copy !req
411. Well, if you're going to bring our
little bubba into the worldCopy !req
412. then I'm going to make an honest
woman of you.Copy !req
413. Philippa, will you marry me?Copy !req
414. If I'm going to be an honest woman,
James,Copy !req
415. then I'd better start telling
the truth.Copy !req
416. There's someone else.Copy !req
417. Who?Copy !req
418. Rub-a-dub-dub.Copy !req
419. Oh, you little...Copy !req
420. My water's broken.Copy !req
421. My heart is broken.Copy !req
422. Rub-a-dub-dub?Copy !req
423. "Rub-a-dub-dub"!Copy !req
424. Am I right in thinking that the
premise of your soap operaCopy !req
425. is that a woman has been sitting in
the bath for nine months...Copy !req
426. .. gestating a baby?
That's right, yes. Yes. OK.Copy !req
427. And having an affair at the same
time.Copy !req
428. OK. No, wait.Copy !req
429. The husband's clearly agitated.
I was very wound up.Copy !req
430. What's he been doing for nine
months?Copy !req
431. He's been downstairs waiting
for his dinner.Copy !req
432. Did you give your nasty, misogynist
character a name?Copy !req
433. Er... Gus. Gus.Copy !req
434. Gus? Yeah. He's come in, he's
furious... Agh, yeah!Copy !req
435. .. because she's a woman, she should
have provided your food. Yeah.Copy !req
436. You've been waiting for nine months,
you're nearly dead. Yes.Copy !req
437. She then tells you she's pregnant.
Yes, Philippa.Copy !req
438. Philip, sorry.
That's OK.Copy !req
439. And then there's a touching moment
between Philippa and Gus.Copy !req
440. Yeah, we finally break through.Copy !req
441. I thought that bit of acting was...
Yeah?Copy !req
442. .. OK.Copy !req
443. And this is where the real
twist comes.Copy !req
444. The lover is revealed.
Lovely cliffhanger. Yes.Copy !req
445. But I'm confused.Copy !req
446. Rhod's character's only vocabulary
in the whole scene,Copy !req
447. is the phrase rub-a-dub-dub!Copy !req
448. Would it help if I told you that
their soap is called FeelingsCopy !req
449. and there is a theme tune to it?
Can we see it?Copy !req
450. Yeah, this is the theme tune
to Feelings. OK.Copy !req
451. ♪ Everybody's got
feelingsCopy !req
452. Rub-a-dub-dub!Copy !req
453. Who's next, please, Alex?
Next up are ladies with an excerptCopy !req
454. from their gritty soap opera
called Cul de Sac.Copy !req
455. I know he's in there, Donna!Copy !req
456. 'ow'd you find me?Copy !req
457. Google Maps.Copy !req
458. What do you want?
You ever heard of manners?Copy !req
459. You ever heard of oral hygiene?Copy !req
460. Ugh!Copy !req
461. Ugh!Copy !req
462. He's the best I ever had, Donna!Copy !req
463. You can't be with him, Donna.Copy !req
464. Why?Copy !req
465. Cos you're his mum!Copy !req
466. So, I don't want to state
the obvious,Copy !req
467. but your character's been having sex
with her own son.Copy !req
468. That's why she threw up.Copy !req
469. Oh, you puked because you'd had sex
with your own son?Copy !req
470. Yeah, because it's quite unsettling,
isn't it? Oh!Copy !req
471. I thought it was because
it was Alex!Copy !req
472. Why would he say that?
Why would he say that?Copy !req
473. That's mean, isn't it?
Is he being mean?Copy !req
474. That is mean.I would say for
a soap opera - not very much soap.Copy !req
475. However, in ours...Copy !req
476. 'The definition of a cliffhanger is a
dramatic and exciting ending to an
episode,Copy !req
477. 'leaving the audience in suspense and
anxious not to miss the next
episode.Copy !req
478. We did that. OK, it's a
simple as this,Copy !req
479. Cul de Sac had some powerful acting
in it... It did. Thank you.Copy !req
480. .. but the main reason I'm going to
give the boys one more pointCopy !req
481. is because... Unbelievable.
I'm agog.Copy !req
482. ..is because... Everybody's
got feelings!Copy !req
483. The boys get three points,
there we go.Copy !req
484. Good. Let's have another task.Copy !req
485. OK, and it's been noted that
this series and lastCopy !req
486. you've started to wear glasses
and I think they look fine,Copy !req
487. so here's the next task.Copy !req
488. Hiya.Copy !req
489. Hi, Alex.
Hello, Jess.Copy !req
490. Oh, I love boxes inside boxes.Copy !req
491. What does that say there?Copy !req
492. C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.Copy !req
493. Random.Copy !req
494. Not random, they're in order.
Yeah.Copy !req
495. In the lab, there are ten pairs
of glasses,Copy !req
496. the pairs of glasses may not leave
the lab.Copy !req
497. Without breaking any of the pairs
of glasses,Copy !req
498. put all the pairs of glasses into
the smallest of these boxes.Copy !req
499. You must select your box before
leaving the caravanCopy !req
500. and may not then change your mind.Copy !req
501. The smallest box containing all
the pairs of glassesCopy !req
502. with the lid shut properly wins.Copy !req
503. That's nuts!Copy !req
504. You have a maximum total time of
five minutes. Your time starts now.Copy !req
505. What?Copy !req
506. Befuddled old man!
Yeah!Copy !req
507. So, it's pretty straightforward,
right?Copy !req
508. Yeah, they had to choose which boxCopy !req
509. they thought they could fit ten
pairs of glasses in. Yeah.Copy !req
510. The smallest box that successfully
was packagedCopy !req
511. with those glasses wins.
Does that make sense? Yeah.Copy !req
512. OK, we're going to start with James
and Kerry.Copy !req
513. Ten pairs of glasses...Copy !req
514. I reckon they'll go in there.Copy !req
515. Go?
Yes, please.Copy !req
516. Yeah, yeah. Of course, it is.Copy !req
517. Pairs of glasses.Copy !req
518. I didn't see this coming.Copy !req
519. Oh! Do you know what I had
in my head?Copy !req
520. Pairs of glasses.
Did you?Copy !req
521. Oh, I don't know why I had that
in my head.Copy !req
522. That's more pairs than I thought
I'd get.Copy !req
523. I'm now doing a thing knowing that
it's not going to work out.Copy !req
524. Trouble is, a couple of the glasses
are bigger then the box. Yeah.Copy !req
525. Funnily enough, I'm not going
anywhere near those ones, Alex.Copy !req
526. I've written them off.Copy !req
527. Hm.Copy !req
528. I feel tricked. Yes.
Grr!Copy !req
529. So what do you mean by shut?
That's shut.Copy !req
530. Is it?
It's shut.Copy !req
531. That's shut.Copy !req
532. It crunched a bit there.Copy !req
533. That is a goddam miracle
that I did that.Copy !req
534. You've got six pairs of glasses
in there, have you? Not bad.Copy !req
535. And how do you want the Taskmaster
to transport the rest?Copy !req
536. If I was a removal man and then he
was there going,Copy !req
537. "How do you want me to transport the
rest?" I'd go, "Up your ass!"Copy !req
538. "Try not to break them.
Smallest arse wins."Copy !req
539. Thank you very much, James.Copy !req
540. You both thought these are
spectacles.Copy !req
541. I think I made that clear. Oh, you
spelt that out good and proper.Copy !req
542. Oh, these are... Yeah. But I was
expecting...Copy !req
543. But I was acting a thick person!Copy !req
544. Oh, it was an extension of
Cul de Sac?Copy !req
545. Yeah, we were still on Cul de Sac. I
was being Donna. Still in character.Copy !req
546. Oh, blimey. Me, too. I was acting a
thick person, too. Yeah.Copy !req
547. I enjoyed your reaction immensely.
Because you went,Copy !req
548. "Oh, yeah.
Oh, good."Copy !req
549. Of course it is, yeah. Yeah, course,
can't be straightforward, can it?Copy !req
550. Yeah, of course.
Who's next, please, Alex?Copy !req
551. Phil has glasses and as we've seen
throughout the series,Copy !req
552. he knows how to pack things in
tightly.Copy !req
553. Can he combine those skills?
Let's see.Copy !req
554. Pairs of glasses, that sounds like
spectacles, but it's probablyCopy !req
555. a Taskmaster trick and it's drinking
glasses, or something.Copy !req
556. I put pairs of drinking glasses
in there.Copy !req
557. What are you doing Phil?Copy !req
558. How much... Trying to estimate the
volume of ten pairs of glasses.Copy !req
559. I'm running out of time. I'm going
with this.Copy !req
560. You've got 2mins, 40secs.Copy !req
561. Oh!Copy !req
562. I think the rules said I wasn't
allowed to break any of the glasses.Copy !req
563. Have you broken one of the glasses?
I've broken one of the glasses.Copy !req
564. I was trying to be too clever
with the stacking.Copy !req
565. Aside one of the single broken
glass,Copy !req
566. this is a textbook bit of packing.Copy !req
567. Done.Copy !req
568. The only one, so far, that has
spotted the dastardly trick.Copy !req
569. Dirty, horrible trick. He got
exactly the right size box. He did.Copy !req
570. And I've got some good news for you,Copy !req
571. I'm going to nip this in the bud.
You did break one glass,Copy !req
572. but the rule was that you weren't
allowed to break a pair of glasses.Copy !req
573. Ooh! So you only broke one glass,Copy !req
574. so I'm fully allowing... Really?
.. everything. Yeah. OK.Copy !req
575. That was very impressive, Phil.
Well done.Copy !req
576. Can anyone beat Phil Wang at
the glass packing task?Copy !req
577. What will the studio task be?
Who will win Kerry's campervan?Copy !req
578. And aren't adverts annoying?Copy !req
579. All these questions will be answered
within the next 15 minutes.Copy !req
580. Bye for now.Copy !req
581. Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster
part four.Copy !req
582. Sure, it's the 50th ever episode,
but let's not forgetCopy !req
583. it's also episode six
of series seven.Copy !req
584. Yes, it's the big one and not only
that, but before the breakCopy !req
585. there was a glass packing task
going on.Copy !req
586. Phil has proved the best packer
so far, last up are Rhod and Jess.Copy !req
587. Can I go to the lab first?
All the information is on the task.Copy !req
588. You must select your box before
leaving the caravanCopy !req
589. and may not then change your mind.Copy !req
590. Why didn't I think of that earlier?Copy !req
591. He's such a dick!Copy !req
592. Yes, I was thinking of spectacles.Copy !req
593. I think I might play it safe.
OK.Copy !req
594. I'm going with a box E.Copy !req
595. Come on. Coming.
Don't dawdle.Copy !req
596. F? Could I get it in F?Copy !req
597. Or E?Copy !req
598. They might even go in G.Copy !req
599. Well, actually, I think this could
work.Copy !req
600. Hm... Now, what we've got now here
is a packing job.Copy !req
601. I'll tell you what's immediately
clear is I've got the wrong box.Copy !req
602. And you did come to see what size
the glasses were. Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
603. Total disaster.Copy !req
604. Running out of time, as well, Rhod.Copy !req
605. Running out of time and running out
of box? Yes.Copy !req
606. The only thing I seem to have plenty
of is glasses.Copy !req
607. Pop, pop.Copy !req
608. I'm wising up to the Taskmaster,Copy !req
609. that's what's happening here.Copy !req
610. With the lid shut properly.
Please.Copy !req
611. One of the most disappointing five
minutes of my life, I would say.Copy !req
612. So far.
So far.Copy !req
613. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
614. Thank you, Jess.
I'm really happy with that.Copy !req
615. JK out.Copy !req
616. I mean...
So proud!Copy !req
617. So proud, but you hadn't worked out
they were drinking glasses.Copy !req
618. What I thought they were
were massive spectacles.Copy !req
619. Well, that makes sense that you
might have been tricked that way.Copy !req
620. That's good, because you just came
across as someoneCopy !req
621. 'who's just floating through life...
"Yeah, I suppose this box will fit
some glasses in."Copy !req
622. So, I'm glad that there was method
to your madness.Copy !req
623. Well, it's one of the first times
that any of the tasksCopy !req
624. has come across is easy to me,
so that's good in a way.Copy !req
625. That's good. With your big fun
glasses.Copy !req
626. Read out the task for Rhod's
benefit.Copy !req
627. Well, the relevant bit is, "You must
select your boxCopy !req
628. "before leaving the caravan and may
not then change your mind."Copy !req
629. I didn't see him selecting the box
before running out of the caravanCopy !req
630. and looking at all the glasses,
then running backCopy !req
631. and then still picking a very small
box!Copy !req
632. If I can go look, then come back,
then I've got to choose the box.Copy !req
633. I forgot that in going to look -
that was leaving the caravan!Copy !req
634. These things can happen to you under
pressure.Copy !req
635. You should apply Jess' technique.
Play it safe!Copy !req
636. Yeah, I think that was quite a large
box though.Copy !req
637. Yes, it wasn't the smallest box.Copy !req
638. You both got them all in,
but Phil's box was smaller.Copy !req
639. No, it's not!Copy !req
640. I don't know!
Oh, man!Copy !req
641. Shall we work our way down from
the top then? Yes, of course.Copy !req
642. So, Phil gets five. He does.
He completed the task.Copy !req
643. Jess also did, but not as well,
four points. Correct.Copy !req
644. How many are you going to give
to Kerry? Three.Copy !req
645. How many to James? I'm going to give
James two points. Mm-hm.Copy !req
646. Because they both made some
semblance of an attempt.Copy !req
647. What about Rhod Gilbert?
One! Absolute zero. Nothing.Copy !req
648. OK, Mr Phil Wang wins the task!Copy !req
649. Yes! Well done!Copy !req
650. Very good, let's check in on the
scores before the final task.Copy !req
651. Well, the good news is that anyone
can win this episode.Copy !req
652. Phil and Rhod are tied in last place
with 13,Copy !req
653. Kerry is out in front still
with 17 points. OK.Copy !req
654. Please, stand up and head up with me
for the final task of the show!Copy !req
655. Welcome to this stage, Greg.
I'm delighted to be here.Copy !req
656. Who's going to read the task?
Philip Wang. Lovely.Copy !req
657. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
658. Get your doughnut as high
as possible.Copy !req
659. You must be holding hands with the
people on either side of youCopy !req
660. at all times.Copy !req
661. Highest doughnut after 100 seconds
wins.Copy !req
662. If your doughnut is in the air
after the 100 seconds,Copy !req
663. it's height will be measured from
where it lands.Copy !req
664. So, just to explain that final line.Copy !req
665. You can't just fling it up in
the air at the end.Copy !req
666. It will be measured from where
it lands. OK.Copy !req
667. So, everyone needs to hold hands
now.Copy !req
668. So it's only the doughnut -
the fifth one up. Yeah.Copy !req
669. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You ready?
I'm ready, yeah.Copy !req
670. OK. Well, James is going to blow
the whistle.Copy !req
671. Here we go, guys. Best of luck
to you.Copy !req
672. WHISTLE BLOWS.Copy !req
673. OK, 100 seconds.Copy !req
674. Take it up there, take it up there.Copy !req
675. Take it up there!Copy !req
676. Pass it up there!Copy !req
677. Pass it up there!Copy !req
678. No, pass it up, you fucking idiot!Copy !req
679. Pass it up! Up, up, up!Copy !req
680. Kerry, no! No!Copy !req
681. Throw it up. Throw it up,
what's wrong with you?Copy !req
682. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
683. 50 seconds left.Copy !req
684. Watch out, watch out.Copy !req
685. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...Copy !req
686. Five, four, three, two,
one.Copy !req
687. Stop, stop, stop!Copy !req
688. Let's get back down to the stage and
add these up to the final scores.Copy !req
689. Goodness me.
Hm.Copy !req
690. You got dragged around.
I did.Copy !req
691. Which is incredible considering I'm
knocking on the door of 30 stone.Copy !req
692. I can show you a freeze frame of the
exact moment the 100 seconds was up.Copy !req
693. Yes, please. This is what was
going on.Copy !req
694. Your facial expression is very good!Copy !req
695. It looks like Greg's being stalked
by himself.Copy !req
696. So out of the ones we can see
there,Copy !req
697. Phil's is actually just higher than
James' is. Then we've got Kerry's,Copy !req
698. but I think out of everyone, Kerry
was the only one who let goCopy !req
699. of other hands enough to then put
it on her head.Copy !req
700. Do you have anything to say about
that, Kerry? I do.Copy !req
701. Sorry? Did you let go with both
hands and you...?Copy !req
702. I didn't let go, I was thrown around
and I took the opportunityCopy !req
703. to move things forward.Copy !req
704. You got free, you should have
connected yourself back up.Copy !req
705. I did connect myself backup. Yeah,
but you did a sneaky drop and grab.Copy !req
706. You know what you did!Copy !req
707. There are two doughnuts we can't
see.Copy !req
708. Jess' is just below the stage there,
but it is still in existence.Copy !req
709. So, Jess got the doughnut lower than
it actually was at the beginning.Copy !req
710. But she didn't break any rules.
No, James got my doughnutCopy !req
711. lower than it was in the beginning.Copy !req
712. By kicking it off. By cheating.
Yeah, it's a shame.Copy !req
713. It wasn't cheating, it was
mean-spirited.Copy !req
714. But, hey. It's a tough game, baby.Copy !req
715. I don't like that new catchphrase.Copy !req
716. Rhod's doughnut ended up with that
lovely lady at the back thereCopy !req
717. and you can see her on the screen
there, as well.Copy !req
718. So, we say that Kerry gets zero
points for releasing and grabbing.Copy !req
719. I'm afraid so. Fair enough.
Jess is in fourth, gets two points.Copy !req
720. James gets three, Phil gets four,Copy !req
721. but the winner of that task is
Mr Rhod Gilbert!Copy !req
722. So, it's a very close episode.Copy !req
723. In second place, it's Rhod Gilbert.
In joint third, it's Kerry and Phil,Copy !req
724. but the winner with 19 points,
it's James Acaster!Copy !req
725. James Acaster wins the sixth show
and our 50th episode.Copy !req
726. Please, go and collect your
brilliant keys.Copy !req
727. So, what have we learnt today? We've
learnt that the key to good dramaCopy !req
728. is in the writing.Copy !req
729. Like when Scarlett O'Hara turned
tearfully to Rhett ButlerCopy !req
730. and pleaded, IMPERSONATING: "But
where shall I go? What shall I do?"Copy !req
731. To which Rhett replied,
"Frankly, my dear,Copy !req
732. "a-rub-a-dub-dub!"Copy !req
733. We're also about to learn whether
Alex Horne can eatCopy !req
734. an entire family key lime pie.Copy !req
735. But more important than anything
elseCopy !req
736. going on in the world right now,Copy !req
737. James Acaster is the winner
of tonight's show.Copy !req
738. Thank you, loyal fans.
Thank you and good night!Copy !req