1. Ah!
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2. AIRHORN BLARES
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3. No!
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4. Hello. Thank you. I am Greg Davies
and this, ladies and gentlemen,
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5. it's the 50th ever episode
of Taskmaster.
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6. FANFARE
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7. FANFARE CONTINUES
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8. It's going to be one hell
of a night.
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9. Or it might be like any other
episode
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10. but with a few more references
to the number 50.
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11. Let's meet the five trophy-hungry
contestants joining us
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12. to both compete in and celebrate
this auspicious occasion.
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13. They are: James Acaster,
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14. Jessica Knappett,
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15. Kerry Godliman,
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16. Phil Wang,
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17. and Rhod Gilbert.
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18. And next to me for the 50th time -
the 50th time -
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19. he claims that he's 6ft but he's
just below five...
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20. .. little Alex
Horne! Two. 6ft2.
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21. I've just got stats. Stats today.
OK.
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22. 50 episodes, 35 contestants,
263 tasks,
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23. 45 disqualifications,
11 tie-breaks, 228 breaks,
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24. two arm breaks, one marriage,
one Taskmaster baby
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25. and one everlasting friendship.
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26. Yeah?
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27. Are you allowing that?
You think we're friends, do you?
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28. Forever.
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29. I don't think you could tell me one
thing about my life
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30. outside of this show.
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31. What car have I got?
A car? A Honda.
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32. No!
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33. So, on with the 50th special one.
Right. Come on, then.
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34. Let's make this a good one.
I'll try.
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35. And the best possible way to go
about making that happen
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36. would have to be by starting with
the Prize Task
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37. And it's a neat one this week. We've
asked them to bring in the best key.
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38. Kerry, what's the special key you've
brought in?
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39. My special key is the key
to my campervan,
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40. which I'm very excited about.
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41. The key looks like this. Ready for
the campervan? Yeah.
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42. Oh, fucking hell.
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43. What do you think a campervan looks
like? I love the key.
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44. What do you expect a campervan
to look like?
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45. You've put this in as a prize
because you don't want to pay
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46. to have it towed away!
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47. My campervan is a thing of joy.
It is?
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48. It's got loads of cupboards
and drawers.
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49. It's like Sylvanians for grown-ups.
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50. OK, just for argument's sake,
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51. Phil, you win this show, what are
you going to do with that van?
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52. Strip it for parts. Thank you.
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53. Move on? Let's move on. Fine.
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54. Phil, obviously you've got your eye
on the strip down prize van,
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55. but what did you bring in?
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56. I brought the best key, which is
the G key from a piano.
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57. Here it is.
Nice.
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58. There it is.
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59. It's G, which is the best key. It's
the highest letter on the alphabet
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60. before they gave up and went back
to A, because you can't top a G!
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61. Listen, you know, I like it.
Well, I say that...
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62. Kerry's is better. Now...
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63. I've ripped this with my bare hands
out of a real piano.
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64. I put it to you that that is a...
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65. Yes, and you're right to do
that face.
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66. Two can play that game, Phil.
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67. I put it to you...
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68. .. that that is a stock library
picture of a... It is not a stock...
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69. No. He did bring in a key, but I
don't know where he got it from.
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70. We shot it nicely, didn't we?
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71. That's going to come off your wage
for this show, young man.
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72. Jess?
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73. I've thought outside the box.
It's called a key...
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74. lime pie.
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75. Brackets - Homemade! Did you really
make it? Yes, I really made it.
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76. If it's a stock library picture, I'm
going to attack Phil. It's not.
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77. You will... I've...
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78. Here it is, here's the pie.
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79. "I The Heart Taskmaster."
Yes, OK.
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80. It is "I The Heart Taskmaster!"
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81. But it should say,
I Heart The Taskmaster.
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82. Which it does if you read it
the right way round,
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83. which is the wrong way round.
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84. Did you really make it?
Yes, I really made it.
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85. It looks genuinely delicious.
Well, it genuinely is!
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86. As a special 50th episode
celebration,
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87. I'm going to let Alex eat all of
that pie at the end of the show.
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88. And I mean... All of it.
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89. And well he should.
After the show?
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90. No. When the winner goes up to
collect the prizes,
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91. you can eat that entire pie!
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92. OK. OK, good. So I look forward
to that. James Acaster?
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93. I brought in the key to my heart.
He's brought in this.
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94. I love ice cream.
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95. And I hope Alex likes ice cream
with his key lime pie. Yeah.
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96. You are going to be a very full boy!
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97. What we'll have to do, is we'll have
to find out what Rhod's brought in.
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98. Fingers crossed it's better than
a bowl of ice cream.
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99. Of course it's going to be better
than a bowl of ice cream!
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100. I don't think it will be.
Sorry to interrupt,
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101. it's definitely going to come last.
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102. Why?
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103. Gut instinct.
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104. Rhodri?
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105. I went a bit outside the box,
as well. Because I thought...
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106. 'Can I make a prediction? This is
going to be a picture of me looking
fat.
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107. RHOD SNORTS
Here is Rhod's key.
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108. WOLF WHISTLE
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109. I thought a key helps you make
sense of things sometimes.
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110. It's probably a weird thing to say,
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111. but it sort of does it for me
as a picture.
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112. So, who's in last place?
Oh, well, James is in last place.
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113. Bringing a bowl of ice cream in!
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114. One point to James Acaster.
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115. Based on the fact that I still
believe that's a library picture
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116. of a piano key, I'm giving Phil
two points.
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117. Which it's not, but fine. OK.
So, second to last.
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118. If it's proved otherwise to me, if I
see the physical proof of the key...
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119. You will at the end of the show.
..I'll give him a bonus point.
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120. We all know the prizes come up at
the end, definitely going to see it.
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121. No, I thought it might be a
picture of the key.
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122. You think that's going to go up
and it's like Bullseye -
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123. there's going to be a fucking
campervan up there?
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124. That is a good point.
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125. Two for Phil. Two points for
Phil Wang. That's right.
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126. Third place with three points, just
because he's been so gobby
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127. in the last two minutes,
Rhod Gilbert. OK.
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128. He's standing up, now.
AUDIENCE BOOS
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129. Ooh!
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130. Jess, I'm giving you four points
because the pie looks nice
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131. and I can't wait to see this prick
eat it!
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132. I'll take it. Have we all been
beaten by the campervan?
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133. Yeah, we fucking have.
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134. It would appear so!
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135. Five points to Kerry. There.
Yes! Kerry wins the task.
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136. We are shifting now, aren't we? Yes.
What do you have ready and waiting
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137. in the wings for us, Alex? I have
something very apt for episode 50.
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138. Ready? Yeah.
Here we go.
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139. Hello, James.
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140. Ah!
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141. Put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
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142. Fastest wins.
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143. Your time stops when you say,
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144. "I've put exactly 50 different
things in this bin."
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145. Fit Alex in this bin,
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146. roll him down the hill,
fastest wins!
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147. That was a wind up. Get used
to them.
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148. What does the last bit say?
The last bit says...
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149. Your time starts when Alex...
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150. Touches you on the shoulder.
Oh, God! Ugh!
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151. I thought you might run!
Oh!
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152. Time starts now, James.
Oh.
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153. I can't go any longer.
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154. I've started the clock. I've started
the clock.
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155. Your time's started, Rhod.
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156. Ugh!
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157. Right, now it's thinking time.
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158. HE BREATHES HEAVILY
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159. It's nice for us to fall into
the stereotypes there.
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160. Oh, I can get extra time here,
I could get extra time.
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161. And those two - it worked - but
not for Granddad, did it?
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162. Yes, so this is actually a two-part
task,
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163. but we're going to deal with each
part separately, Greg.
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164. First, let's see how they gathered
their items. Ready? Yes. Here we go.
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165. Right. One at a time, is it?
One... For now. One.
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166. One potato.
Two.
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167. Three, four, five, six...
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168. seven.
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169. Oh, hold on. What am I doing?
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170. Eight, nine...
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171. Ten, 11, 12...
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172. 13, 14, 15...
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173. 16, 17, 18...
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174. 19, 20, 21, 22...
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175. 23, 24...
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176. 25, 26...
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177. 27, 28...
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178. 29...
30.
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179. 31...
32, three, four...
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180. 35, 36...
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181. 37, 38, 39...
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182. 40.
41, 42...
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183. 43...
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184. 45...
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185. Oh!
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186. 44!
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187. 45...
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188. 46...
47...
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189. 48... 49...
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190. 50.
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191. I put exactly 50 things in this bin!
Suck it!
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192. I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
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193. I put exactly 50 different things
in this bin.
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194. I've put 50 things in this bin.
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195. I've put exactly 50 different...
Different things!
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196. Right, we need to nip a potential
argument in the bud here, I think,
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197. with the definition of different
things.
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198. Well, all of them put two of the
same things in, except for Phil.
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199. All 50 of Phil's were different,
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200. but I suppose you could say that
the stones were all different,
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201. the oranges were... They're
different stones from each other.
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202. But Phil was the only one who made
the effort
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203. to put 50 totally different things
in.
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204. And that is reflected in the time.
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205. Just while I'm thinking about this,
erm...
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206. do you want to explain "Suck it!"
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207. Why I shouted suck it at the end?
Yeah.
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208. I felt good.
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209. But who was it directed at?
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210. Just everyone in general.
Suck it.
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211. Everyone - you two and Wolf from
Gladiators and...
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212. the cat bin lady - everyone.
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213. Tell us the time.
Well, Jess took 2mins 52secs.
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214. Going back-and-forth to the shed,
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215. instead of bringing the bin
to the shed.
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216. Rhod was very tired, of course,
2mins 30secs.
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217. Kerry - potato, then mainly fruit -
1min 27secs.
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218. James, 58 seconds - just the stones.
Woah!
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219. Stones and one ukulele.
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220. Phil, who's traditionally slow,
this time really slow, 6mins 57secs.
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221. So, are we rewarding them for speed
or does Phil get any special...
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222. I think it's all about speed.
If there's a piano key up there,
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223. 'I'm not going to give him a bonus
point, but I'm going to secure him
one now
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224. for putting 50 different things in,
cos I think it needs rewarding.
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225. 'Phil was the slowest, so he gets one
point, but you're giving him a bonus
point... He gets twopoints.
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226. OK. Then Jessica's two points,
three points to Rhod, Kerry, four,
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227. but James wins the first part of
the task and gets five points.
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228. Incredibly.
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229. Right, that's it, my friends.
It's the end of the first part
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230. of this special half-century
episode.
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231. So, go do your business and come
back here
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232. when you've cleaned up!
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233. Hello, everyone. It's part two of
our 50th show together
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234. and yet I still don't feel like
I know you.
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235. Maybe you never will, Greg.
Maybe you never will.
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236. So, can we now see the other part
of this task, please, Alex?
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237. Yes, there was more to this than
just gathering 50 things.
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238. Here's the next bit
of the task.
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239. I recognise these guys. Coincidence?
I don't think so!
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240. These are the things I put in
the bin.
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241. Right, I'm going to open this and
then I'm going to have a rest.
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242. Using all the items on this mat...
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243. Make the best picture of
the Taskmaster.
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244. You have ten minutes, your time
starts now!
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245. You want me to do a picture of the
escaped Easter Island monument
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246. that you call the Taskmaster?
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247. Oh, shit! I should have gone for
something more varied than this.
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248. Your time starts now.
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249. Well, I've got lots of red
for the mouth.
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250. OK, these are going to be eyebrows,
he's quite frowny, isn't he?
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251. He's got one of those... Has he got
one of those bum chins?
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252. Can I break this?
You can do whatever you want.
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253. I've just noticed just quite how
much my bulge is pushing out.
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254. Bulge?
My bulge.
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255. His teeth are definitely a green or
brown, but his eyes are blue.
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256. Here's one of his little pencil
legs, down there. Mm-hm.
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257. His legs are absurdly out
of proportion.
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258. This is quite good. It's quite
Picasso-esque. It's so Greg.
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259. Arms, I forgot!
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260. Shit!
Does he have arms?
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261. Yeah, he does, but he doesn't
use them.
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262. WHISTLE BLOWS
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263. Mm. Thank you, Phil. Pleasure, guys.
Ah!
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264. 'Does anyone want to talk through
their workings? They all said you
had angry eyebrows,
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265. you're frowny, you're not very
smiley
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266. and Phil said, "I wish I'd filled
the bin with pasty-coloured things!"
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267. Don't, er... Thanks for that extra
point, Greg. Erm...
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268. Enjoy it. Really enjoy it.
Suck it, in fact.
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269. Well, let's start. I'll show you
what Rhod and Kerry
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270. put in their bins and then what
they did with it. Let's do it.
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271. This is their raw ingredients,
Rhod and Kerry,
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272. and this is what they ended up with.
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273. 'Pretty flattering. Yeah, and I
haven't got a problem, weirdly,
with having no arms.
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274. Even though you had plenty of leaves
to make arms with,
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275. but you focused on them going
on my stomach.
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276. Well, if I'd have given you arms,
I'd have had to made you look thin!
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277. 'And I think you'd agree, it's better
like this with you fat and no
arms...
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278. Well, there's some fascinating
decisions by you, Kerry.
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279. Because as the neck demonstrates,
there were enough oranges
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280. to give me two legs that are
the same width!
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281. So you went, if I'm really going to
make it look like him,
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282. I'm going to have to get that
withered leg in place...
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283. early doors.
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284. I wasn't thinking like that,
that wasn't a conscious decision.
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285. What's the silver bowl?
It's a little fascinator.
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286. A little coquettish fascinator.
Yes. You're going to a wedding.
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287. Ah! "Congratulations on your
wedding!"
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288. "Are you wearing a fascinator,
Greg?"
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289. "Shh-shh, it's not about me, it's
not about me."
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290. "Can you help me through this door?"
"Why?"
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291. "Because one of my legs is
withered."
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292. Who's next, please, Alex? Now we get
to see Jess and Phil's masterpieces.
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293. This is what they were working with
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294. and this is what they mustered up.
Here we go.
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295. That is really, seriously good.
That is brilliant.
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296. I'm sorry, did you mishear and think
it was a portrait of me
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297. after I'd fallen out of a pine tree?
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298. It's an Angry Bird Pig.
Oh, in that case, full marks.
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299. Because that's the look I've been
trying to perfect for years.
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300. Jess? What's so worrying is I was so
proud of that when I made it.
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301. I honestly thought it was really
good.
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302. What the hell is that oblong
on my face?
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303. More to the point, there's paint!
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304. So I could have used the paint!
Oh, yeah.
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305. You're the only one who put art
materials in.
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306. And then just used them as
the top of my head!
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307. There's one more. Right, we've
secured last place,
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308. but let's have a look.
OK.
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309. This is what James Acaster,
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310. Portrait Artist Of The Year,
was working with.
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311. He transformed that into these.
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312. That's good.
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313. I was really pleased with it.
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314. I went into that room and saw what
I had to work with
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315. and I was really scared.
And then you smashed up the ukulele.
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316. I smashed it up and I was amazed.
With each smash,
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317. it just came off like a perfect part
of your body.
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318. That is an incredible piece of work.
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319. What I think is delightful
and incredible
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320. is that you have managed to show
the fear in Alex's face.
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321. Do you want to see all five together
and you can judge them? I do.
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322. OK, so here's the five Greg faces.
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323. And I'm going to judge this
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324. based on which ones I think look
most like me. OK.
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325. I'm sorry, Phil... What? I'm sorry.
This is just a leafy duck!
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326. What is this?
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327. That's shit, that's really bad.
Please.
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328. I've been very kind to you, I think
I've been very generous. Charitable.
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329. I gave you a bonus point, I never
give bonus points out... Never.
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330. .. but I've got to look at that
and say that's deeply hurtful.
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331. It's a mental pig.
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332. And I'm giving you one point.
One point to Phil.
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333. And purely... Two points, purely
based on the fact
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334. that I haven't got an oblong on
the side of my face,
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335. I'm giving two points to Jessica.
Two to Jess. Thank you.
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336. That's second last place.
Third place?
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337. I've worked very hard on my withered
leg, very hard.
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338. I'm giving you three points.
Three to Kerry. To Kerry.
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339. So it's between Rhod and James.
Yeah. Well, I think... What?
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340. How?
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341. I think that... Sorry! Rhod has
captured of the essence of the anger
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342. I feel when Rhod walks into a room.
A sort of dark...
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343. 'I was doing you just after I'd
walked into a room. There you go.
Four points.
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344. But Jesus Christ, if I could give
you ten, I would.
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345. Five points for James.
OK, five points for James.
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346. Scoreboard me up.
OK.
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347. Do you want an update on the series
at this point? Yes, please.
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348. We're over half way.
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349. Two members of the contestant team
are in triple figures.
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350. Phil's on 73.
Oh, no!
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351. RHOD SPLUTTERS
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352. 73. James, 93. Rhod, 95.
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353. Jess, 101. Kerry's on 105, in the
lead, at the moment.
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354. Ooh!
GREG WHISTLES
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355. In this episode: Phil, again, adrift
on five.
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356. At the other end, again, Kerry's on
12, James is on 11.
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357. That's where we are at this moment
in time.
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358. I would very much enjoy seeing
another task.
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359. OK, I thought you would. OK, we have
one right here and this one is...
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360. DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT
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361. .. the next task.
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362. Watch your head, Kez.
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363. Ooh! Oh!
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364. Hello. Sunshine!
Hello.
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365. Hello.
Oh, hey, Al... ex
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366. Do it. I'm doing it. It's on a
hanger. It is on ribbons.
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367. Is it a clue?
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368. Oh, God.
Oh!
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369. Write and perform the most
suspenseful...
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370. .. soap opera cliffhanger.
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371. Your scene may last no more
than one minute.
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372. You have 30 minutes...
How many?
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373. 30 minutes to write a one minute
scene.
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374. Your time starts now.
Right.
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375. Write and perform.
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376. I've already written mine. In my
head, Phil's pregnant. Yeah, OK.
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377. Does he keep it?
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378. One of us has got the other one
pregnant.
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379. That doesn't work, does it?
I'd quite like to do a fight.
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380. Yeah, we should definitely have
a catfight.
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381. So, one of us is pregnant... How are
your, erm...? Stage fighting?
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382. Oh, you went the wrong way!
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383. She was very happy!
Copy !req
384. I may have implied from time to time
during this series
Copy !req
385. that Kerry Godliman takes on the
persona of Phil Mitchell
Copy !req
386. in her approach to tasks.
Which is sometimes,
Copy !req
387. 'IN COCKNEY ACCENT: "Right, I see
what we're doing. Fuck, let's do it.
Bosh."
Copy !req
388. Be interesting to see which way
you go when offered up.
Copy !req
389. Oh, the suspense!
Copy !req
390. Don't turn your back on me, don't
you even think about it.
Copy !req
391. Oh, go on, then. Go and see some
adverts. See you soon.
Copy !req
392. It's part three. Welcome back.
Or more like party three!
Copy !req
393. 'Because we're having a whale of a
time, aren't we, on our 50th
episode?
Copy !req
394. Oh, man. There's a killer vibe in
our crib right now(!)
Copy !req
395. So, before the break, a team task
was taking place
Copy !req
396. where they had to write and perform
Copy !req
397. the most suspenseful soap opera
cliffhanger.
Copy !req
398. Right, bosh. Who are we seeing
first?
Copy !req
399. OK, the first cliffhanger we're
going to see is...
Copy !req
400. DRAMATIC HEARTBEAT
Copy !req
401. .. the boys' attempt.
Copy !req
402. PHIL WHISTLES
Copy !req
403. Philippa?
Copy !req
404. Open this door!
Copy !req
405. Open this...
Copy !req
406. door!
Copy !req
407. What have you been doing in here?
Copy !req
408. And what have I told you about
locking doors in this house?
Copy !req
409. We don't have locked doors
in this house.
Copy !req
410. I've been waiting downstairs for you
nine months.
Copy !req
411. You've not been out of this bath
for nine months.
Copy !req
412. What are you playing at? I've been
waiting for my dinner, I'm starving!
Copy !req
413. Meanwhile, you're in here and you're
getting fatter, if anything.
Copy !req
414. Have you eaten all the food, is that
what you've been doing?
Copy !req
415. Nine months in the bath, eating all
my dinner.
Copy !req
416. What have you got to say for
yourself?
Copy !req
417. James, no.
Copy !req
418. James, I'm not fat,
Copy !req
419. I'm pregnant.
Copy !req
420. Really? I'm going to be a dad?
Copy !req
421. Well, if you're going to bring our
little bubba into the world
Copy !req
422. then I'm going to make an honest
woman of you.
Copy !req
423. Philippa, will you marry me?
Copy !req
424. If I'm going to be an honest woman,
James,
Copy !req
425. then I'd better start telling
the truth.
Copy !req
426. There's someone else.
Copy !req
427. Who?
Copy !req
428. Rub-a-dub-dub.
Copy !req
429. Oh, you little...
Copy !req
430. My water's broken.
Copy !req
431. My heart is broken.
Copy !req
432. Rub-a-dub-dub?
Copy !req
433. "Rub-a-dub-dub"!
Copy !req
434. Am I right in thinking that the
premise of your soap opera
Copy !req
435. is that a woman has been sitting in
the bath for nine months...
Copy !req
436. .. gestating a baby?
That's right, yes. Yes. OK.
Copy !req
437. And having an affair at the same
time.
Copy !req
438. OK. No, wait.
Copy !req
439. The husband's clearly agitated.
I was very wound up.
Copy !req
440. What's he been doing for nine
months?
Copy !req
441. He's been downstairs waiting
for his dinner.
Copy !req
442. Did you give your nasty, misogynist
character a name?
Copy !req
443. Er... Gus. Gus.
Copy !req
444. Gus? Yeah. He's come in, he's
furious... Agh, yeah!
Copy !req
445. .. because she's a woman, she should
have provided your food. Yeah.
Copy !req
446. You've been waiting for nine months,
you're nearly dead. Yes.
Copy !req
447. She then tells you she's pregnant.
Yes, Philippa.
Copy !req
448. Philip, sorry.
That's OK.
Copy !req
449. And then there's a touching moment
between Philippa and Gus.
Copy !req
450. Yeah, we finally break through.
Copy !req
451. I thought that bit of acting was...
Yeah?
Copy !req
452. .. OK.
Copy !req
453. And this is where the real
twist comes.
Copy !req
454. The lover is revealed.
Lovely cliffhanger. Yes.
Copy !req
455. But I'm confused.
Copy !req
456. Rhod's character's only vocabulary
in the whole scene,
Copy !req
457. is the phrase rub-a-dub-dub!
Copy !req
458. Would it help if I told you that
their soap is called Feelings
Copy !req
459. and there is a theme tune to it?
Can we see it?
Copy !req
460. Yeah, this is the theme tune
to Feelings. OK.
Copy !req
461. ♪ Everybody's got
feelings
Copy !req
462. Rub-a-dub-dub!
Copy !req
463. Who's next, please, Alex?
Next up are ladies with an excerpt
Copy !req
464. from their gritty soap opera
called Cul de Sac.
Copy !req
465. I know he's in there, Donna!
Copy !req
466. 'ow'd you find me?
Copy !req
467. Google Maps.
Copy !req
468. What do you want?
You ever heard of manners?
Copy !req
469. You ever heard of oral hygiene?
Copy !req
470. Ugh!
Copy !req
471. SHE YELLS
Copy !req
472. Ugh!
Copy !req
473. He's the best I ever had, Donna!
Copy !req
474. You can't be with him, Donna.
Copy !req
475. Why?
Copy !req
476. Cos you're his mum!
Copy !req
477. SHE RETCHES
Copy !req
478. So, I don't want to state
the obvious,
Copy !req
479. but your character's been having sex
with her own son.
Copy !req
480. That's why she threw up.
Copy !req
481. Oh, you puked because you'd had sex
with your own son?
Copy !req
482. Yeah, because it's quite unsettling,
isn't it? Oh!
Copy !req
483. I thought it was because
it was Alex!
Copy !req
484. Why would he say that?
Why would he say that?
Copy !req
485. That's mean, isn't it?
Is he being mean?
Copy !req
486. That is mean.I would say for
a soap opera - not very much soap.
Copy !req
487. However, in ours...
Copy !req
488. 'The definition of a cliffhanger is a
dramatic and exciting ending to an
episode,
Copy !req
489. 'leaving the audience in suspense and
anxious not to miss the next
episode.
Copy !req
490. We did that. OK, it's a
simple as this,
Copy !req
491. Cul de Sac had some powerful acting
in it... It did. Thank you.
Copy !req
492. .. but the main reason I'm going to
give the boys one more point
Copy !req
493. is because... Unbelievable.
I'm agog.
Copy !req
494. ..is because... Everybody's
got feelings!
Copy !req
495. The boys get three points,
there we go.
Copy !req
496. Good. Let's have another task.
Copy !req
497. OK, and it's been noted that
this series and last
Copy !req
498. you've started to wear glasses
and I think they look fine,
Copy !req
499. so here's the next task.
Copy !req
500. Hiya.
Copy !req
501. Hi, Alex.
Hello, Jess.
Copy !req
502. Oh, I love boxes inside boxes.
Copy !req
503. What does that say there?
Copy !req
504. C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.
Copy !req
505. Random.
Copy !req
506. Not random, they're in order.
Yeah.
Copy !req
507. In the lab, there are ten pairs
of glasses,
Copy !req
508. the pairs of glasses may not leave
the lab.
Copy !req
509. Without breaking any of the pairs
of glasses,
Copy !req
510. put all the pairs of glasses into
the smallest of these boxes.
Copy !req
511. You must select your box before
leaving the caravan
Copy !req
512. and may not then change your mind.
Copy !req
513. The smallest box containing all
the pairs of glasses
Copy !req
514. with the lid shut properly wins.
Copy !req
515. That's nuts!
Copy !req
516. You have a maximum total time of
five minutes. Your time starts now.
Copy !req
517. What?
Copy !req
518. Befuddled old man!
Yeah!
Copy !req
519. So, it's pretty straightforward,
right?
Copy !req
520. Yeah, they had to choose which box
Copy !req
521. they thought they could fit ten
pairs of glasses in. Yeah.
Copy !req
522. The smallest box that successfully
was packaged
Copy !req
523. with those glasses wins.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
Copy !req
524. OK, we're going to start with James
and Kerry.
Copy !req
525. Ten pairs of glasses...
Copy !req
526. I reckon they'll go in there.
Copy !req
527. Go?
Yes, please.
Copy !req
528. Yeah, yeah. Of course, it is.
Copy !req
529. Pairs of glasses.
Copy !req
530. I didn't see this coming.
Copy !req
531. Oh! Do you know what I had
in my head?
Copy !req
532. Pairs of glasses.
Did you?
Copy !req
533. Oh, I don't know why I had that
in my head.
Copy !req
534. That's more pairs than I thought
I'd get.
Copy !req
535. I'm now doing a thing knowing that
it's not going to work out.
Copy !req
536. Trouble is, a couple of the glasses
are bigger then the box. Yeah.
Copy !req
537. Funnily enough, I'm not going
anywhere near those ones, Alex.
Copy !req
538. I've written them off.
Copy !req
539. Hm.
Copy !req
540. I feel tricked. Yes.
Grr!
Copy !req
541. So what do you mean by shut?
That's shut.
Copy !req
542. Is it?
It's shut.
Copy !req
543. That's shut.
Copy !req
544. It crunched a bit there.
Copy !req
545. That is a goddam miracle
that I did that.
Copy !req
546. You've got six pairs of glasses
in there, have you? Not bad.
Copy !req
547. And how do you want the Taskmaster
to transport the rest?
Copy !req
548. If I was a removal man and then he
was there going,
Copy !req
549. "How do you want me to transport the
rest?" I'd go, "Up your ass!"
Copy !req
550. "Try not to break them.
Smallest arse wins."
Copy !req
551. Thank you very much, James.
Copy !req
552. You both thought these are
spectacles.
Copy !req
553. I think I made that clear. Oh, you
spelt that out good and proper.
Copy !req
554. Oh, these are... Yeah. But I was
expecting...
Copy !req
555. But I was acting a thick person!
Copy !req
556. Oh, it was an extension of
Cul de Sac?
Copy !req
557. Yeah, we were still on Cul de Sac. I
was being Donna. Still in character.
Copy !req
558. Oh, blimey. Me, too. I was acting a
thick person, too. Yeah.
Copy !req
559. I enjoyed your reaction immensely.
Because you went,
Copy !req
560. "Oh, yeah.
Oh, good."
Copy !req
561. Of course it is, yeah. Yeah, course,
can't be straightforward, can it?
Copy !req
562. Yeah, of course.
Who's next, please, Alex?
Copy !req
563. Phil has glasses and as we've seen
throughout the series,
Copy !req
564. he knows how to pack things in
tightly.
Copy !req
565. Can he combine those skills?
Let's see.
Copy !req
566. Pairs of glasses, that sounds like
spectacles, but it's probably
Copy !req
567. a Taskmaster trick and it's drinking
glasses, or something.
Copy !req
568. I put pairs of drinking glasses
in there.
Copy !req
569. What are you doing Phil?
Copy !req
570. How much... Trying to estimate the
volume of ten pairs of glasses.
Copy !req
571. I'm running out of time. I'm going
with this.
Copy !req
572. You've got 2mins, 40secs.
Copy !req
573. GLASS SMASHES
Oh!
Copy !req
574. I think the rules said I wasn't
allowed to break any of the glasses.
Copy !req
575. Have you broken one of the glasses?
I've broken one of the glasses.
Copy !req
576. I was trying to be too clever
with the stacking.
Copy !req
577. Aside one of the single broken
glass,
Copy !req
578. this is a textbook bit of packing.
Copy !req
579. Done.
Copy !req
580. The only one, so far, that has
spotted the dastardly trick.
Copy !req
581. Dirty, horrible trick. He got
exactly the right size box. He did.
Copy !req
582. And I've got some good news for you,
Copy !req
583. I'm going to nip this in the bud.
You did break one glass,
Copy !req
584. but the rule was that you weren't
allowed to break a pair of glasses.
Copy !req
585. Ooh! So you only broke one glass,
Copy !req
586. so I'm fully allowing... Really?
.. everything. Yeah. OK.
Copy !req
587. That was very impressive, Phil.
Well done.
Copy !req
588. Can anyone beat Phil Wang at
the glass packing task?
Copy !req
589. What will the studio task be?
Who will win Kerry's campervan?
Copy !req
590. And aren't adverts annoying?
Copy !req
591. All these questions will be answered
within the next 15 minutes.
Copy !req
592. Bye for now.
Copy !req
593. Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster
part four.
Copy !req
594. Sure, it's the 50th ever episode,
but let's not forget
Copy !req
595. it's also episode six
of series seven.
Copy !req
596. Yes, it's the big one and not only
that, but before the break
Copy !req
597. there was a glass packing task
going on.
Copy !req
598. Phil has proved the best packer
so far, last up are Rhod and Jess.
Copy !req
599. Can I go to the lab first?
All the information is on the task.
Copy !req
600. You must select your box before
leaving the caravan
Copy !req
601. and may not then change your mind.
Copy !req
602. Why didn't I think of that earlier?
Copy !req
603. He's such a dick!
Copy !req
604. Yes, I was thinking of spectacles.
Copy !req
605. I think I might play it safe.
OK.
Copy !req
606. I'm going with a box E.
Copy !req
607. Come on. Coming.
Don't dawdle.
Copy !req
608. F? Could I get it in F?
Copy !req
609. Or E?
Copy !req
610. They might even go in G.
Copy !req
611. Well, actually, I think this could
work.
Copy !req
612. Hm... Now, what we've got now here
is a packing job.
Copy !req
613. I'll tell you what's immediately
clear is I've got the wrong box.
Copy !req
614. And you did come to see what size
the glasses were. Yeah, absolutely.
Copy !req
615. Total disaster.
Copy !req
616. Running out of time, as well, Rhod.
Copy !req
617. Running out of time and running out
of box? Yes.
Copy !req
618. The only thing I seem to have plenty
of is glasses.
Copy !req
619. Pop, pop.
Copy !req
620. I'm wising up to the Taskmaster,
Copy !req
621. that's what's happening here.
Copy !req
622. With the lid shut properly.
Please.
Copy !req
623. WHISTLE BLOWS
Copy !req
624. One of the most disappointing five
minutes of my life, I would say.
Copy !req
625. So far.
So far.
Copy !req
626. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Copy !req
627. Thank you, Jess.
I'm really happy with that.
Copy !req
628. JK out.
Copy !req
629. I mean...
So proud!
Copy !req
630. So proud, but you hadn't worked out
they were drinking glasses.
Copy !req
631. What I thought they were
were massive spectacles.
Copy !req
632. Well, that makes sense that you
might have been tricked that way.
Copy !req
633. That's good, because you just came
across as someone
Copy !req
634. 'who's just floating through life...
"Yeah, I suppose this box will fit
some glasses in."
Copy !req
635. So, I'm glad that there was method
to your madness.
Copy !req
636. Well, it's one of the first times
that any of the tasks
Copy !req
637. has come across is easy to me,
so that's good in a way.
Copy !req
638. That's good. With your big fun
glasses.
Copy !req
639. Read out the task for Rhod's
benefit.
Copy !req
640. Well, the relevant bit is, "You must
select your box
Copy !req
641. "before leaving the caravan and may
not then change your mind."
Copy !req
642. I didn't see him selecting the box
before running out of the caravan
Copy !req
643. and looking at all the glasses,
then running back
Copy !req
644. and then still picking a very small
box!
Copy !req
645. If I can go look, then come back,
then I've got to choose the box.
Copy !req
646. I forgot that in going to look -
that was leaving the caravan!
Copy !req
647. These things can happen to you under
pressure.
Copy !req
648. You should apply Jess' technique.
Play it safe!
Copy !req
649. Yeah, I think that was quite a large
box though.
Copy !req
650. Yes, it wasn't the smallest box.
Copy !req
651. You both got them all in,
but Phil's box was smaller.
Copy !req
652. No, it's not!
Copy !req
653. I don't know!
Oh, man!
Copy !req
654. Shall we work our way down from
the top then? Yes, of course.
Copy !req
655. So, Phil gets five. He does.
He completed the task.
Copy !req
656. Jess also did, but not as well,
four points. Correct.
Copy !req
657. How many are you going to give
to Kerry? Three.
Copy !req
658. How many to James? I'm going to give
James two points. Mm-hm.
Copy !req
659. Because they both made some
semblance of an attempt.
Copy !req
660. What about Rhod Gilbert?
One! Absolute zero. Nothing.
Copy !req
661. OK, Mr Phil Wang wins the task!
Copy !req
662. Yes! Well done!
Copy !req
663. Very good, let's check in on the
scores before the final task.
Copy !req
664. Well, the good news is that anyone
can win this episode.
Copy !req
665. Phil and Rhod are tied in last place
with 13,
Copy !req
666. Kerry is out in front still
with 17 points. OK.
Copy !req
667. Please, stand up and head up with me
for the final task of the show!
Copy !req
668. Welcome to this stage, Greg.
I'm delighted to be here.
Copy !req
669. Who's going to read the task?
Philip Wang. Lovely.
Copy !req
670. Hello, everyone.
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Copy !req
671. Get your doughnut as high
as possible.
Copy !req
672. You must be holding hands with the
people on either side of you
Copy !req
673. at all times.
Copy !req
674. Highest doughnut after 100 seconds
wins.
Copy !req
675. If your doughnut is in the air
after the 100 seconds,
Copy !req
676. it's height will be measured from
where it lands.
Copy !req
677. So, just to explain that final line.
Copy !req
678. You can't just fling it up in
the air at the end.
Copy !req
679. It will be measured from where
it lands. OK.
Copy !req
680. So, everyone needs to hold hands
now.
Copy !req
681. So it's only the doughnut -
the fifth one up. Yeah.
Copy !req
682. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You ready?
I'm ready, yeah.
Copy !req
683. OK. Well, James is going to blow
the whistle.
Copy !req
684. Here we go, guys. Best of luck
to you.
Copy !req
685. WHISTLE BLOWS.
Copy !req
686. OK, 100 seconds.
Copy !req
687. Take it up there, take it up there.
Copy !req
688. Take it up there!
Copy !req
689. Pass it up there!
Copy !req
690. Pass it up there!
Copy !req
691. No, pass it up, you fucking idiot!
Copy !req
692. Pass it up! Up, up, up!
Copy !req
693. Kerry, no! No!
Copy !req
694. Throw it up. Throw it up,
what's wrong with you?
Copy !req
695. Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
696. 50 seconds left.
Copy !req
697. Watch out, watch out.
Copy !req
698. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...
Copy !req
699. Five, four, three, two,
one.
Copy !req
700. WHISTLE BLOWS
Copy !req
701. Stop, stop, stop!
Copy !req
702. Let's get back down to the stage and
add these up to the final scores.
Copy !req
703. Goodness me.
Hm.
Copy !req
704. You got dragged around.
I did.
Copy !req
705. Which is incredible considering I'm
knocking on the door of 30 stone.
Copy !req
706. I can show you a freeze frame of the
exact moment the 100 seconds was up.
Copy !req
707. Yes, please. This is what was
going on.
Copy !req
708. Your facial expression is very good!
Copy !req
709. It looks like Greg's being stalked
by himself.
Copy !req
710. So out of the ones we can see
there,
Copy !req
711. Phil's is actually just higher than
James' is. Then we've got Kerry's,
Copy !req
712. but I think out of everyone, Kerry
was the only one who let go
Copy !req
713. of other hands enough to then put
it on her head.
Copy !req
714. Do you have anything to say about
that, Kerry? I do.
Copy !req
715. Sorry? Did you let go with both
hands and you...?
Copy !req
716. I didn't let go, I was thrown around
and I took the opportunity
Copy !req
717. to move things forward.
Copy !req
718. You got free, you should have
connected yourself back up.
Copy !req
719. I did connect myself backup. Yeah,
but you did a sneaky drop and grab.
Copy !req
720. You know what you did!
Copy !req
721. There are two doughnuts we can't
see.
Copy !req
722. Jess' is just below the stage there,
but it is still in existence.
Copy !req
723. So, Jess got the doughnut lower than
it actually was at the beginning.
Copy !req
724. But she didn't break any rules.
No, James got my doughnut
Copy !req
725. lower than it was in the beginning.
Copy !req
726. By kicking it off. By cheating.
Yeah, it's a shame.
Copy !req
727. It wasn't cheating, it was
mean-spirited.
Copy !req
728. But, hey. It's a tough game, baby.
Copy !req
729. I don't like that new catchphrase.
Copy !req
730. Rhod's doughnut ended up with that
lovely lady at the back there
Copy !req
731. and you can see her on the screen
there, as well.
Copy !req
732. So, we say that Kerry gets zero
points for releasing and grabbing.
Copy !req
733. I'm afraid so. Fair enough.
Jess is in fourth, gets two points.
Copy !req
734. James gets three, Phil gets four,
Copy !req
735. but the winner of that task is
Mr Rhod Gilbert!
Copy !req
736. So, it's a very close episode.
Copy !req
737. In second place, it's Rhod Gilbert.
In joint third, it's Kerry and Phil,
Copy !req
738. but the winner with 19 points,
it's James Acaster!
Copy !req
739. James Acaster wins the sixth show
and our 50th episode.
Copy !req
740. Please, go and collect your
brilliant keys.
Copy !req
741. So, what have we learnt today? We've
learnt that the key to good drama
Copy !req
742. is in the writing.
Copy !req
743. Like when Scarlett O'Hara turned
tearfully to Rhett Butler
Copy !req
744. and pleaded, IMPERSONATING: "But
where shall I go? What shall I do?"
Copy !req
745. To which Rhett replied,
"Frankly, my dear,
Copy !req
746. "a-rub-a-dub-dub!"
Copy !req
747. We're also about to learn whether
Alex Horne can eat
Copy !req
748. an entire family key lime pie.
Copy !req
749. But more important than anything
else
Copy !req
750. going on in the world right now,
Copy !req
751. James Acaster is the winner
of tonight's show.
Copy !req
752. Thank you, loyal fans.
Thank you and good night!
Copy !req