1. Hello, I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.Copy !req
2. Well, here we are, we've made it
to the end of the series.Copy !req
3. It won't be long before
one of our task-trodden titansCopy !req
4. lifts high this stunningly
attractive head...Copy !req
5. the Taskmaster Trophy.Copy !req
6. Oooh!Copy !req
7. But who will have amassed
the most points?Copy !req
8. Only time will tell.Copy !req
9. Ladies and gentlemen, will you
please give a very warm welcomeCopy !req
10. to our finalists - Mr Al Murray...Copy !req
11. .. Dave Gorman...Copy !req
12. .. Paul Chowdhry...Copy !req
13. Rob Beckett...Copy !req
14. and Sara Pascoe.Copy !req
15. And right next to me, where
he belongs, is Mr Alex Horne.Copy !req
16. Do you want to say something, Alex?
Really? Yes.Copy !req
17. Last one of the series. Well, thank
you, thank you for keeping me on...Copy !req
18. .. for the whole series.
And I suppose I'd like to say...Copy !req
19. invite you, really, to join
me and my family for a meal,Copy !req
20. maybe at my house.Copy !req
21. No, thanks. No? OK.Copy !req
22. Would I be able to see my family?Copy !req
23. No, they're fine. OK.Copy !req
24. Right, prize task, then.Copy !req
25. Are we going out on a high?
I hope so.Copy !req
26. We've asked them to bring a photoCopy !req
27. of their most handsome relative, OK?Copy !req
28. So, whoever has the most handsome
relative, in your opinion,Copy !req
29. will win the first major points
of the show,Copy !req
30. and whoever wins the whole episode
will win five photosCopy !req
31. of these guys' family.Copy !req
32. As if they needed
any more motivation.Copy !req
33. I mean, that is
the shittest prize yet.Copy !req
34. Paul, whose photo have you
brought in and why is it the best?Copy !req
35. I brought in a picture
of my dad's son.Copy !req
36. My dad's son!Copy !req
37. My sister's brother as well.Copy !req
38. Yeah...Copy !req
39. I mean, that's you, isn't it, Paul?Copy !req
40. Well, it's not me, technically.Copy !req
41. Well, you've moved on a bit.Copy !req
42. Yeah, he could still be living
in a parallel universe.Copy !req
43. That was when I had hopes
and dreams.Copy !req
44. Are you happy
that's a relative, Greg?Copy !req
45. I'm not, no. It's not a relative,
is it? It's him.Copy !req
46. Sara, what relative did you bring?Copy !req
47. I brought in one of my sisters.
Well, she's a half-sister.Copy !req
48. My mum got Pebbles six months ago,
because she was lonely,Copy !req
49. and I think she's very beautiful.Copy !req
50. Yeah. Do you like cats?Copy !req
51. Do you know, it's well documented
that I really don't like cats.
Uh-oh.Copy !req
52. And clearly you're not
related to a cat, I hope.Copy !req
53. No, not biological relationCopy !req
54. but adopted siblings are
still your siblings.Copy !req
55. Hmmm. Hmmm.Copy !req
56. Yes. Are they, though?Copy !req
57. Yeah.Copy !req
58. Can you still appreciate
the aesthetic of a beautiful cat?Copy !req
59. I could, technically, do that. Yeah.Copy !req
60. But I'm going to
put myself out,Copy !req
61. and I hope it doesn't come across as
offensive, but looking at Pebbles,Copy !req
62. Pebbles looks like
a bit of a prick to me.Copy !req
63. Al.Copy !req
64. I brought in a picture of my
grandfather, Sir Ralph Murray,Copy !req
65. when he was working at
the Foreign Office.Copy !req
66. And he gives off
this old-world distinguished...Copy !req
67. I know that man.
You don't know that man.Copy !req
68. You stay out of this, mate.
He let our family into the country.Copy !req
69. I mean, it could have been worse.
Everyone makes mistakes.Copy !req
70. It's turned into a Ukip rally
all of a sudden.Copy !req
71. I think he's a relatively handsome
chap. I'm sure he was delightful.Copy !req
72. Thank you. Rob, what picture of a
handsome relative did you bring in?Copy !req
73. Well, I couldn't really bring
any of my relatives' photos inCopy !req
74. because most of them are mugshots.Copy !req
75. So, what I've brought in is someone
who I think is my relative.Copy !req
76. Who's that?Copy !req
77. I was a bit fatter at school.Copy !req
78. And people said you look like James
Earl Jones, and I said to my mum,Copy !req
79. "People say I look like
James Earl Jones."Copy !req
80. She went, "Oh, that's your uncle."
What, she just lied?Copy !req
81. I don't know, I think
she thought it was funny.Copy !req
82. And it was! Darth Vader would have
been very differentCopy !req
83. voiced by you, though, Rob. Yeah!Copy !req
84. "Luke!Copy !req
85. "I'm your father!"Copy !req
86. "You're a member of
the Rebel Alliance and a traitor."Copy !req
87. Dave, which handsome relative
have you brought in?Copy !req
88. Well, I think the picture
just speaks for itself.Copy !req
89. What?Copy !req
90. That is Cary Grant. Yeah.Copy !req
91. Why is his arm
coming out of the frame?Copy !req
92. Famously one of the most
handsome men in Hollywood.Copy !req
93. Undisputedly. And as related to you,
I imagine,Copy !req
94. as Darth Vader is to Rob.Copy !req
95. No, no. His cousin marriedCopy !req
96. my great-grandmother's niece.Copy !req
97. Seriously? You are related?
We can have a look at it here.Copy !req
98. That is the
Gorman family tree.Copy !req
99. The Fay
in the bottom
arrow is my mum.Copy !req
100. So, Audrey above
that is my grandmother.Copy !req
101. Winifred above that is
my great-grandmother.Copy !req
102. Which makes Sally
her sister,Copy !req
103. which makes Winifred
the aunt to Phyllis,Copy !req
104. who is married Joseph Leach,Copy !req
105. who was the cousin of Cary Grant.Copy !req
106. And what you can't see,
just off the top, is Adam and Eve.Copy !req
107. That's really great. Yeah, it is
true. We have checked that out.Copy !req
108. It is true. It is true.Copy !req
109. The most handsome relative
is clearly Cary Grant.Copy !req
110. OK. Mr Dave Gorman wins the task.Copy !req
111. The second most handsome
is Al's grandad.Copy !req
112. The third most handsome, even
though he's clearly not related...Copy !req
113. It's Rob with James Earl Jones.Copy !req
114. And then I'm going to award
joint last-place toCopy !req
115. the cat and the picture of himself.Copy !req
116. Thanks very much. Thanks.Copy !req
117. Let's get the next task under way.
Alex, what's the theme?Copy !req
118. It's a bucket-themed task.
And it's really fun. Here we go.Copy !req
119. "Move the water from
bucket A to bucket B."Copy !req
120. I saw this coming a mile away.Copy !req
121. "You must not move the buckets.Copy !req
122. "Most water moved wins."Copy !req
123. "You have ten minutes.
Your time starts..."Copy !req
124. Not quite this... What have I got?Copy !req
125. A sieve? Is this bucket A?Copy !req
126. Yes, it is, yeah. It's not a trick?Copy !req
127. Oh, oh!Copy !req
128. What's happening?Copy !req
129. Why is there a hole in this bag?Copy !req
130. It was a trick, wasn't it?Copy !req
131. Why the fuck peas?Copy !req
132. Pardon? What are the peas for?Copy !req
133. Oh, I thought they might help move
the water. No!Copy !req
134. So, you mean we've got to move
that water down to that bucket?Copy !req
135. Yes, please, Paul.Copy !req
136. Oh, this is horrible.Copy !req
137. It's just moving a bucket of
freezing cold water, isn't it?Copy !req
138. I mean, there's actual bits of ice
in here.Copy !req
139. You've had tremendously bad luck
with the weather all series,
haven't you?Copy !req
140. Oh, that was the first thing we did,
at 9am, and it was -3 or something.Copy !req
141. It was -5.Copy !req
142. And the weather for everybody else
was perfectly lovely. Lovely.Copy !req
143. It was so cold!Copy !req
144. And a wonderful collection of
rubbish to help them move the water.Copy !req
145. Yeah, woolly hat, colander,
bag of peas and holes, a tray,Copy !req
146. a string bag, Sellotape
and a coconut.Copy !req
147. Right, loads of things that are
clearly useless for moving water.Copy !req
148. These are intelligent people. They
won't try and use them, right?Copy !req
149. Shall we start with Paul and Rob?
Let's. OK.Copy !req
150. Coconut. What's the coconut for?Copy !req
151. Whatever you want, Paul.Copy !req
152. That's not going to work.Copy !req
153. Is it not? No. Why not?Copy !req
154. It's got holes in, innit?Copy !req
155. Whoa, Sellotape.Copy !req
156. It's not going to work, is it?Copy !req
157. Do you want that? Yes, please.Copy !req
158. Thanks, Rob.Copy !req
159. How much will stay in here?Copy !req
160. You've got five minutes 20 left.Copy !req
161. That's not going to work either,
is it?Copy !req
162. Oh, it's so cold.
I just don't like going in it.Copy !req
163. Ah! Ah! I...! Could you...?Copy !req
164. What's wrong, Rob?
I just farted because I was cold.Copy !req
165. You farted because you were cold?
Yeah! I just lost all control.Copy !req
166. Oh, fuck me!Copy !req
167. How's your morale, Paul?Copy !req
168. Who's she?Copy !req
169. Oh, for fuck's sake.Copy !req
170. This is as much as
I'm going to get in there.Copy !req
171. Oh, there must be a tiny bucket
somewhere I can use.Copy !req
172. I should have done that
in the beginning, innit?Copy !req
173. I'll have that little cup.Copy !req
174. How long have we got left?
60 seconds.Copy !req
175. Two more? Last one.Copy !req
176. That's your time up, Paul.Copy !req
177. Are you saying that when
you get cold, you fart as standard?Copy !req
178. That week, I had...Copy !req
179. I'd got a two-week-old baby,Copy !req
180. and I've had no sleep and
I was just all over the place.Copy !req
181. And it was so cold. I was shitting
myself. I was dropping water.Copy !req
182. I didn't know what was going on.
So you had a little fart?Copy !req
183. I did a little... I just...
I was... It was so cold.Copy !req
184. I tense up when I'm cold.Copy !req
185. Do you tense up? I do.Copy !req
186. Sorry, yes, I do, yeah. I always
tense up when I'm cold. Yeah.Copy !req
187. You don't let a little fart out
when you tense up, do you?Copy !req
188. I've never farted, thank you.Copy !req
189. I actually believe that.Copy !req
190. Paul came up with
a reasonably good method of...Copy !req
191. There was a bag full of holes
but he managed to fold it overCopy !req
192. so the holes were covered,
and he managed to get 4cm depthCopy !req
193. of water in his bucket.
Quite clever. So, he did all right?Copy !req
194. He did. He only made two trips back
and forward, that was the... And
Rob, what about old fartyice pop?Copy !req
195. I just made that up.
The FIP managed to...Copy !req
196. The least threatening rapper
of all time.Copy !req
197. Yo, yo, the motherfucking FIP. Brr!Copy !req
198. Well, eventually he realised he
didn't have to use the stuff there.Copy !req
199. He could use anything.
There was litter lying around.
He found a little cup.Copy !req
200. He did five trips and
got 6.6 cm depthCopy !req
201. so he's the current leader.Copy !req
202. Ah. Yes, well done.Copy !req
203. He's got, he's got an unfair
advantage, though...Copy !req
204. Rob Bucket.Copy !req
205. It's time for a break, I think.Copy !req
206. Coming up in a moment,
we'll find out how Al, Dave and SaraCopy !req
207. tackled our bucket challenge.Copy !req
208. Welcome back to
the final Taskmaster of the series,Copy !req
209. and tonight,
to make it extra special,Copy !req
210. someone will go home with
a picture of Paul Chowdhry.Copy !req
211. Alex, I want to say bucket.Copy !req
212. Course you do, Greg,
that's your prerogative.Copy !req
213. The current task involves shifting
water from one bucket to anotherCopy !req
214. on an athletics track without
moving the bucket itself.Copy !req
215. So far, Rob has
complained about the cold.Copy !req
216. Next up, we've got Dave and Sara.Copy !req
217. Ready?Copy !req
218. Right, what the hell
have we got here?Copy !req
219. Sellotape, this hat.Copy !req
220. I'm just going to wear the hat.Copy !req
221. A coconut.Copy !req
222. Seriously?Copy !req
223. Ten minutes, you say.Copy !req
224. Well, nine and a half, now.Copy !req
225. Just a delicious snack,
while I'm thinking.Copy !req
226. How's the water moving going?Copy !req
227. There's no water been moved as yet.Copy !req
228. Just an experiment at the moment.Copy !req
229. No, it's not great.Copy !req
230. I've seen this happen when
people steal petrol from cars.Copy !req
231. OK, that tastes disgusting.Copy !req
232. I mean, I've got an English degree.Copy !req
233. No! There's so much stuff
that's useless here.Copy !req
234. I'm not taking loads of journeys
with a tiny coconut.Copy !req
235. I'm just going to move a little bit.Copy !req
236. Alex? Yes?Copy !req
237. Would you be able to bring
that bucket up that end for meCopy !req
238. because it only said
I couldn't move it.Copy !req
239. It didn't say that
no-one could move it.Copy !req
240. PEEP!Copy !req
241. Thank you, Dave. You're welcome.Copy !req
242. You've got 20 seconds, Sara.
Come on. 20 seconds? Yeah.Copy !req
243. I mean, I will say, I'm not going to
let anyone touch that bucket.Copy !req
244. If someone has else just moved
the bucket, I'm going to be furious.Copy !req
245. I thoroughly enjoyed Dave being very
measured about, "What can I use?Copy !req
246. "That doesn't work.
No, that doesn't work.Copy !req
247. "Ah, the hose.Copy !req
248. "Yeah, seems like a logical way
of containing water.Copy !req
249. "Good. It's full.Copy !req
250. "I'm taking the colander, too!"Copy !req
251. You all walked out of a pavilion,
which only took youCopy !req
252. about three minutes to walk from it,
full of buckets.Copy !req
253. You could have run back there.Copy !req
254. You don't want to waste time looking
around a pavilion for a bucket whenCopy !req
255. you've got a coconut
to be going on with.Copy !req
256. What they've cut out is how often
I told Alex I hated him.Copy !req
257. Yeah, he told me,Copy !req
258. in between fairly hysterical crying.Copy !req
259. Can we have some scores please?Copy !req
260. Sara, the best at opening a coconut,
and then did a few little trips withCopy !req
261. the coconut in the end.
0.8 cm of water.Copy !req
262. A little bit of water.Copy !req
263. I'm so ashamed!Copy !req
264. Dave did the most trips
and achieved, so far,Copy !req
265. the highest score of 7.8 cm.Copy !req
266. Wow.Copy !req
267. Can we now have Al's VT, please?Copy !req
268. Of course we can. Here we go.Copy !req
269. I'm not allowed to move the bucket,
but you are.Copy !req
270. No, I'm not, unfortunately.Copy !req
271. Because I don't want to.Copy !req
272. You don't want to?
No, it's too cold.Copy !req
273. Hang on.Copy !req
274. Oh, here we go.
Moneybags Murray.Copy !req
275. I've got £115 on me.Copy !req
276. That'll warm you up.Copy !req
277. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
278. Ohhh!Copy !req
279. Don't run with it, you'll spill it.Copy !req
280. Well, no, do run with it. We're
running out of time. Oh, my God!Copy !req
281. Two and a half minutes.Copy !req
282. Can I have £10 now, please? Yes.Copy !req
283. Yeah, there you go. Yeah!Copy !req
284. Thanks, Al.
You like the money, don't you?Copy !req
285. He likes the money.Copy !req
286. Yes. I'm not...
Put it next to the other bucket.Copy !req
287. I'm not going to go any further, Al.
OK.Copy !req
288. For £20, can you lift
the other bucket up?Copy !req
289. Can I have the money? Yeah.Copy !req
290. Hold the bucket.Copy !req
291. There we go.Copy !req
292. Yes!Copy !req
293. Look at that. That's fantastic.Copy !req
294. What? Al "Moneybags" Murray.Copy !req
295. This whole series has been like
watching howCopy !req
296. Donald Trump would do things.Copy !req
297. I mean, you have been throwing
money around. Exactly!Copy !req
298. And it's gross the way he, like,
gives it away to you, like you're
a little mouse. It works!Copy !req
299. And also...Copy !req
300. As disgusted as I was by watchingCopy !req
301. Al's display of wealth,Copy !req
302. I am far more disgusted with
someone else in this room.Copy !req
303. I wrote down a quoteCopy !req
304. from an earlier VT,
and it is as follows.Copy !req
305. "Sara, just so you know,Copy !req
306. "I will not be moving
that bucket for anyone".Copy !req
307. It's almost like
you just know I'm poor.Copy !req
308. How much did Al Murray give you
to break your own rule?Copy !req
309. £80. But I'm sort of
work experience.Copy !req
310. What have you done with that £80?Copy !req
311. I bought... some rounds in the bar
and pretended it was my money.Copy !req
312. Right.Copy !req
313. Well, it's unacceptable. Why
don't you give us 20 quid each?Copy !req
314. I think if the money's going to
go anywhere, it should go to
charity, don't you, Rob? No.Copy !req
315. So, this is the way I see it.
60 of the £80 will go to charity,Copy !req
316. £20 will go to Rob Beckett...
Thank you.Copy !req
317. .. because he's obviously
got problems.Copy !req
318. What charity would you like to
give the £60 to?Copy !req
319. Children's? Or dolphins?Copy !req
320. Dolphins. Right.Copy !req
321. Good luck, dolphins.
£60 coming your way.Copy !req
322. I'll pass judgment on the points
in a minute, but first,Copy !req
323. there must be an extra penalty
for you.Copy !req
324. Take one of your shoes
and socks off.Copy !req
325. One of my... Really? Yeah.
For the rest of the...? Right foot.Copy !req
326. The right foot.
That's the punishment?Copy !req
327. Yeah. OK. I don't like it.Copy !req
328. Good. This is the way I see it.Copy !req
329. Al Murray wasn't to know that his
ingenious method was contradictory,Copy !req
330. so I'm not going to penalise him.Copy !req
331. Thank you. What I'm going to do isCopy !req
332. I'm going to award Sara Pascoe
an extra point. Fair enough?Copy !req
333. Yes.Copy !req
334. Thank you.Copy !req
335. Do you want to see the buckets?
See what the buckets look like?Copy !req
336. Yes. Yeah, let's have a look at
the amount of water in the buckets.Copy !req
337. It's quite nice to see them,
quite a soothing image.Copy !req
338. We've got Al Murray's there,Copy !req
339. over 11 cm.Copy !req
340. There's Paul with the peas.Copy !req
341. Rob Beckett's there. 6.6 cm.Copy !req
342. Sara Pascoe's 0.8.Copy !req
343. And then finally,
we've got Dave Gorman's.Copy !req
344. Was that in your mouth?Copy !req
345. I was swallowing it, and I was
bringing up bile from within meCopy !req
346. because it was such a poisonous...Copy !req
347. Was he drinking tea? Are you saying
that's come out of your mouth?Copy !req
348. Is that why it's that colour?Copy !req
349. You saw, I was siphoning,
I was running hard,Copy !req
350. I'm not in good shape and it was
making me feel quite nauseous.Copy !req
351. You look nervous, Dave. You're not
in trouble, you know that?Copy !req
352. No, no. He's cheated again!Copy !req
353. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
354. Dave, I'm going to ask you
a question.Copy !req
355. I can't believe he's done it again!Copy !req
356. This is like the pee thing!Copy !req
357. Have you, again, cheated?Copy !req
358. I can honestly say no to that
because I didn't cheat before.Copy !req
359. Ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
360. Have you cheated?Copy !req
361. Might have done.Copy !req
362. Well, we did film it.Copy !req
363. Well, thanks, Dave. Yeah.
If you want to go and get warm.Copy !req
364. You've seen what I'm capable of!Copy !req
365. We didn't know until we looked at
the bucket and then we examinedCopy !req
366. that little camera. Really?Copy !req
367. Yeah. How much do you want me
to give to the dolphins?Copy !req
368. I think, Dave, you're disqualified
from that round, I'm afraid.Copy !req
369. Rules is rules. Nul points.Copy !req
370. OK. How are the scores
looking, Alex?Copy !req
371. Well, because Dave dropped out,
then, we have a clear winner.Copy !req
372. In second place is Rob but
in first place, Al Murray, so far,Copy !req
373. with nine points.Copy !req
374. The overall series lead is
incredibly close at the moment.Copy !req
375. I don't want to say what the scores
are, but there are three people just
a couple of points separating them.Copy !req
376. Ooh. Yeah. I wonder
who they are, Paul.Copy !req
377. On with the next one.
OK, the next one is a team task.Copy !req
378. Ready? Here we go.Copy !req
379. I'm not getting in that.Copy !req
380. "Wearing one of these hands on each
of your hands at all times..."Copy !req
381. "Communicate to your team-mates
the names of these films,Copy !req
382. "books or TV programme."Copy !req
383. "You may not raise your voice.Copy !req
384. "Most correct answers wins.Copy !req
385. "You have ten minutes.Copy !req
386. "Your time starts when
the whistle's blown."Copy !req
387. Charades. Where are my team-mates?Copy !req
388. Team-mate. Is that Sara?
I've no idea who they are.Copy !req
389. Is there someone with blue hands?Copy !req
390. It's Rob. Can he see me?Copy !req
391. Hey! Hello! Hello! Who's that?Copy !req
392. Who is it?
I don't know. Who are you?Copy !req
393. I'm all right, how're you?Copy !req
394. What's your name?Copy !req
395. What's my name?
Why doesn't he know my name?Copy !req
396. Gone quiet, hasn't she?Copy !req
397. I mean, who did you think it was?Copy !req
398. Did you think
it was Al Murray?Copy !req
399. I know, I couldn't...
It was quite far.Copy !req
400. It was really far.
You were 500 foot across.Copy !req
401. OK. Let's all have
a break for a moment.Copy !req
402. All five will be playing
charades across a riverCopy !req
403. right after these adverts.
See you shortly.Copy !req
404. Welcome back to Taskmaster.Copy !req
405. We're nearing the series climax,
but first, Alex,Copy !req
406. can we please finish off
what we started?Copy !req
407. Of course we can.
We're playing charades,Copy !req
408. so the person guessing could shout.Copy !req
409. The person doing the demonstrating
couldn't shout.Copy !req
410. That's the rules.
I heard some people got very cross.Copy !req
411. I got... I was furious.Copy !req
412. Let's have a look at
Rob and Sara's VT.Copy !req
413. OK.Copy !req
414. Book!Copy !req
415. OK.Copy !req
416. It's a film, as well, isn't it?
Ah, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
417. How am I going to do a lion?Copy !req
418. How do you do a lion?Copy !req
419. Terrible. I mean, I don't know
if he's just living his life,Copy !req
420. or if he's trying to gesture to me.Copy !req
421. Mad Max?Copy !req
422. What?Copy !req
423. I mean, his hands aren't
even moving very much.Copy !req
424. Unless the book is called The Boring
Shrug, I don't know what this is.Copy !req
425. Book! Yeah.Copy !req
426. Uh... windows.Copy !req
427. What? Oh, fuck off, plane!Copy !req
428. How am I supposed to do this
with a fucking plane?Copy !req
429. I can't hear what she's saying!Copy !req
430. You've got to make it big!
Football? It's football, isn't it?Copy !req
431. Up In The Air.Copy !req
432. Gone With The wind. War And Peace.Copy !req
433. Sense And Sensibility.Copy !req
434. The Beach! I can't hear you, mate.
I can't... I can't hear you, mate!Copy !req
435. I'm just guessing, mate.Copy !req
436. What did she say?
You're going to have to be louder.Copy !req
437. 1984!Copy !req
438. Is she just guessing books?
Animal Farm!Copy !req
439. EastEnders! Neighbours!
Strictly Come Dancing!Copy !req
440. This is pointless, isn't it?Copy !req
441. I'll go through them and
see if I've got that one.Copy !req
442. Oh, shout 1984 again.Copy !req
443. 1984! Yeah, got one.Copy !req
444. He's doing a film. Film! Yes.Copy !req
445. Right.Copy !req
446. Hello. Hey. Hey!Copy !req
447. Not looking. What's she doing?Copy !req
448. Hey, Nelly! Oh, no, don't apologise.Copy !req
449. Oi, eyes on the prize!Copy !req
450. You're a joke!
I think he's saying it's a joke.Copy !req
451. I can't tell if he's
exasperated or miming.Copy !req
452. Right, that's a song, isn't it?
Song! Yeah.Copy !req
453. Right now. What's the
Single Ladies song?Copy !req
454. Moonwalk?Copy !req
455. Walking On The Moon?Copy !req
456. Walking On The Moon.Copy !req
457. This is what he's doing.
Like that, and then doing that.Copy !req
458. Yeah, that's it, yeah!Copy !req
459. What's that song they did?Copy !req
460. And then wave hello. Is it Beyonce?
Is it All The Single Ladies?Copy !req
461. All The Single Ladies?
Yes! YEAH!Copy !req
462. Oh, thank fuck for that.Copy !req
463. All right, I mean Sara
definitely had a lovely time,Copy !req
464. playing with the dog...
I met a little dog called Nelly.Copy !req
465. .. chatting. I saw.
You were having a lovely old time.Copy !req
466. It was tough.
It was really tough for us.Copy !req
467. Yeah. And you got your knickers
in a right twist.Copy !req
468. I couldn't hear what she was saying,Copy !req
469. so it's hard to play charades
when you can't hear the guesses.Copy !req
470. But did you call me stupid
and they've cut that out?Copy !req
471. Oh, I think I was calling
you worse than that.Copy !req
472. I mean, we've learned
something, though.Copy !req
473. If anyone's got
anger management problems,Copy !req
474. or you're going into
any threatening situation,Copy !req
475. just ask the person to pop
some of those big gloves on.Copy !req
476. It felt good being so angry
and looking so ridiculous.Copy !req
477. Yeah. I was like, fuck's sake!Copy !req
478. So I mean, what did
they get in the end?Copy !req
479. Incredibly, Sara guessed, without
him doing them, War And Peace,Copy !req
480. The Bible, 1984.Copy !req
481. And a passer-by suggested
Batman, which was on the cards.Copy !req
482. So seven out of 20, she got.
Wow. Not bad. That's not bad at all.Copy !req
483. It's not bad, yeah.Copy !req
484. And we are now going to see
some wise old men and Paul Chowdhry,Copy !req
485. who is a young man. OK. Here we go.Copy !req
486. Do we stand on this?Copy !req
487. It's a book! The.Copy !req
488. "The" we've got. Yeah.Copy !req
489. Jurassic Park? No, it's not
THE Jurassic Park, is it?Copy !req
490. Start again!Copy !req
491. What's he doing now? Book.Copy !req
492. I'm doing a thing where I'm not
allowed to raise my voice,Copy !req
493. but you're not me. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
494. If you were to shout
across that river...Copy !req
495. the words The Lion,
The Witch And The Wardrobe,Copy !req
496. that would be very helpful. Yeah.Copy !req
497. The Lion, The Witch
And The Wardrobe!Copy !req
498. The Lion, The Witch
And The Wardrobe.Copy !req
499. Mad Max! Mad Max.Copy !req
500. Winnie the Pooh! Winnie the Pooh.Copy !req
501. Taskmaster! Taskmaster. Taskmaster.Copy !req
502. Good show.
No-one's heard of that. No.Copy !req
503. Dave Gorman's Modern
Life Is Guinness.Copy !req
504. Dave Gorman's... SORRY, SAY AGAIN!Copy !req
505. Cry Me A River.Copy !req
506. The Bible. Die Hard.Copy !req
507. They're out. They've run out.
We're done. OK.Copy !req
508. You have five minutes.Copy !req
509. How handy that Ben Fogle...Copy !req
510. And that was actually Ben Fogle.
Ben Fogle.Copy !req
511. Al Murray paid five grand
for him to turn up.Copy !req
512. No.Copy !req
513. He was doing a photo shoot
on the foreshore of the river,Copy !req
514. just by coincidence. That's what
happens when your grandad'sCopy !req
515. the Foreign Secretary.
You can get anyone...Copy !req
516. It is a lot easier.
In charades it is easierCopy !req
517. when you can say the name.
They still didn't get one.Copy !req
518. They genuinely didn't get Dave
Gorman's Modern Life Is Rubbish.Copy !req
519. Yeah. What did you
just call it, sorry?Copy !req
520. Modern Life Is Guinness!
Sorry, Dave Gordon!Copy !req
521. Even when you're reading it,
you can't get it right.Copy !req
522. But they did get 19 out of 20. Good.Copy !req
523. OK. That's unfair.
Why are they shaking hands,Copy !req
524. like that was good gamesmanship?Copy !req
525. You wouldn't have done
the same in that situation?Copy !req
526. No, I like to play for fun.
Did they just win that one, then?Copy !req
527. It didn't say that you
couldn't get Ben Fogle to shoutCopy !req
528. the words... How's that
affected the points?Copy !req
529. I mean, unsurprisingly, Al, Dave and
Paul are now ahead of Rob and Sara.Copy !req
530. The scoreboard looks like this.Copy !req
531. OK, Alex, I'd like one more task
to really complete the series.Copy !req
532. Me, too, and here it is.Copy !req
533. Ah, it's cool, that, innit?Copy !req
534. Right.Copy !req
535. "Do something that looks
brilliant when sped up..."Copy !req
536. "Or slowed down."Copy !req
537. "You have one hour.
Your time starts now."Copy !req
538. Near a golf course,
could do a drive.Copy !req
539. That looks quite good to slow down,
doesn't it?Copy !req
540. Have a little think
about it, I reckon.Copy !req
541. I've... Yeah, I've got
an idea, actually.Copy !req
542. Quite a good idea, I think.Copy !req
543. Mm.Copy !req
544. Who are we seeing first? We're
going to start with Dave Gorman.Copy !req
545. Ah.Copy !req
546. Great. That would be
a really good Guinness advert.Copy !req
547. It's available for Guinness if they
are prepared to pay the price.Copy !req
548. Were those biscuit crumbs?
That was glitter. Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
549. I was just thinking
how much I like them.Copy !req
550. Well, so, pretty rock
and roll video, really.Copy !req
551. Two famously rock and roll things
there - glitter and balloons.Copy !req
552. Great, though.
Let's see some others.Copy !req
553. OK. The bar is set.Copy !req
554. We're going to see Sara's slow-mo,
or fast-forward. We'll see.Copy !req
555. Rob just asked me if
there was someone in there.Copy !req
556. I didn't know if they did it
like Wallace and Gromit.Copy !req
557. Just moving a little bit at a time.Copy !req
558. That would have taken Sara
one month to make that.Copy !req
559. Really, really impressive.Copy !req
560. Technology's always, in films,Copy !req
561. is depicted as something
that's destructive or frightening.Copy !req
562. Why not have a nice dancing robot?Copy !req
563. Yeah. Well, it was
a story of lonelinessCopy !req
564. and then companionship
and then boogying.Copy !req
565. OK, it's time for Al Murray.Copy !req
566. I mean...Copy !req
567. This is all the funnier when you
know that Al is the only person -Copy !req
568. well, I've ever met - who knows
someone who owns a gong shop.Copy !req
569. This is the second time
the gong has appeared in Taskmaster.Copy !req
570. He's gong mad. Yeah.Copy !req
571. Gong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.Copy !req
572. Did you like it, the gong?
I thought it was wonderful.Copy !req
573. So presumably your facial expression
was based on the wig coming off?Copy !req
574. Yes.Copy !req
575. What was the facial expression going
to be before it turned into...?Copy !req
576. Oh, something,
you know, smouldering.Copy !req
577. Oh, don't. That's...Copy !req
578. Who's next? OK, oh, Paul.Copy !req
579. Do you want to see
Paul Chowdhry? Do I?Copy !req
580. It was really thoughtful,
really clever.Copy !req
581. I'm the best at keepy-uppies.
I can keep it up for a long time.Copy !req
582. You did boast a lot about
your football skills before.Copy !req
583. It was the ninth take,
but you know...Copy !req
584. The point is, you did
a genuinely good filmCopy !req
585. and I honestly thought it was going
to be horse shit, so well done.Copy !req
586. I'm afraid we have to
stop now for a break.Copy !req
587. When we return it's going to
really kick off as Rob's movie,Copy !req
588. the final task of the series,
but most importantly,Copy !req
589. we reveal the overall
champion of Taskmaster.Copy !req
590. It's going to be powerful.Copy !req
591. See you there.Copy !req
592. Well, hello there. You join us
for the final part of Taskmaster.Copy !req
593. Before long, one of our
five comedians will be awardedCopy !req
594. this hallowed trophy and make
their families proud at last.Copy !req
595. One of them will also go home
with a picture of a cat.Copy !req
596. Exciting times ahead.
Alex. Let's get back to the action.Copy !req
597. OK, then. We have seen four
films with the footage eitherCopy !req
598. slowed down or sped up
and I like them all equally,Copy !req
599. which is why I'm sat here.Copy !req
600. The only one we haven't
seen yet is Rob Beckett's.Copy !req
601. Oh.Copy !req
602. COME ON!Copy !req
603. I am intrigued by the narrative of
yours as to who this super villainCopy !req
604. is who's coming after you,Copy !req
605. because he's using three
very distinct weapons.Copy !req
606. Yes. Peas, watermelon, flour.Copy !req
607. Yeah, the story of that was I hit
the shit out of some fruit and veg.Copy !req
608. You didn't have in your mind
you were a characterCopy !req
609. and there was an enemy approaching?
Yeah, that as well.Copy !req
610. I'm going to make some
snap decisions on this.Copy !req
611. It's so tough, I thought they
were all genuinely brilliant.Copy !req
612. It's harder when they do well,
isn't it? OK, well, God.Copy !req
613. Last-place? It's going to be Al.Copy !req
614. Do you know why? Because he's used
his gong already and he didn't
mean his wig to fall off.Copy !req
615. And I'm putting in joint next place,Copy !req
616. I'm putting Dave and Paul,
and the joint winners, for me,Copy !req
617. because I could imagine
a narrative, are Sara and Rob.Copy !req
618. Bam. I've done it.Copy !req
619. Alex, can you please
update us on the scoresCopy !req
620. and tell us how the race
for the trophy's doing?Copy !req
621. The race for the trophy
is doing really well.Copy !req
622. It's so tight. I'm not going
to say who's in the lead.Copy !req
623. I know. It's brilliant.Copy !req
624. For this particular episode
there's Dave on 13 points,Copy !req
625. but in the lead is Al Murray
with 16 points. Yes!Copy !req
626. Just one more batch of points
to dish out, and don't forget,Copy !req
627. this not only counts for this showCopy !req
628. but also the overall scores across
the series. So, for one last time,Copy !req
629. will you please head to
the stage for the final task?Copy !req
630. Alex, what's in the box?Copy !req
631. Deal Or No Deal's
gone down-market, hasn't it?Copy !req
632. It's the final task and I
should say that Al, Dave and Rob,Copy !req
633. close to being neck and neck.
OK. And what about me and Paul?Copy !req
634. Close to being neck and neck
as well, but a different
part of the body.Copy !req
635. Knee and knee.
Right, so in the box,Copy !req
636. you've all got five
doughnuts on a stick, OK?Copy !req
637. Who do you want to read the task?Copy !req
638. Oh. Al, please.Copy !req
639. "Place one or more
doughnuts on your stick.Copy !req
640. "You have 100 seconds,Copy !req
641. "after which the person with
the lowest unique whole numberCopy !req
642. "of doughnuts on their stick wins."Copy !req
643. What? There's more. "In the event
of there being no unique numbers,Copy !req
644. "the task shall be replayed
until there is a winner."Copy !req
645. Do you want me to explain? Yeah.Copy !req
646. So you're all going to put
doughnuts on your stick.Copy !req
647. There are five at the moment.
Ah, yeah, yeah. You'll be
taking them off or putting them on.Copy !req
648. At the end of the 100 seconds,
you're going to lift up your box.Copy !req
649. We'll see how many doughnuts
you've got on your stick.Copy !req
650. Whoever's got the lowest unique
number of doughnuts wins.Copy !req
651. For example, if you three
put two, Rob puts one,Copy !req
652. you put three, Rob's won.Copy !req
653. It's the lowest unique number.Copy !req
654. I need to make sure you all
definitely understand, though.Copy !req
655. Paul? I feel like a bit
of a doughnut up here.Copy !req
656. Are you ready?Copy !req
657. Good luck, everyone.
Put your doughnuts on the stick.Copy !req
658. Off you go.Copy !req
659. You're watching them?
Yeah, I'm watching them.Copy !req
660. How're you getting on, Dave?
I'm not telling you.Copy !req
661. Paul, how many doughnuts
are on your stick? Huh?Copy !req
662. How many doughnuts
are on your stick?Copy !req
663. I thought I'm not
allowed to tell anyone.Copy !req
664. You can tell anyone anything.Copy !req
665. You could be lying.
I've still got four on the stick.Copy !req
666. No, you haven't.Copy !req
667. Sara, how many doughnuts
have you put on your stick?Copy !req
668. It's none of your business.Copy !req
669. You don't have to tell the truth.Copy !req
670. I can't think of what to lie. 11.
I've got 11 doughnuts on a stick.Copy !req
671. You finished, Rob? Yeah, I don't...Copy !req
672. Can't work out how to do it.Copy !req
673. What you don't realise isCopy !req
674. Al's paid a man to be
strapped up in the lighting.Copy !req
675. There's only ten seconds left.Copy !req
676. You've got five more seconds
to make a decision.Copy !req
677. If you could all replace
the lids in three seconds.Copy !req
678. And step away from
your boxes please.Copy !req
679. So, Al Murray has
gone for one doughnut.Copy !req
680. That's a big call. Oh.Copy !req
681. Dave Gorman.Copy !req
682. One doughnut.Copy !req
683. Oh! The two old men cancel
each other out at this stage.Copy !req
684. It's exciting.
I wouldn't be so stupid.Copy !req
685. Paul Chowdhry has put
one doughnut...Copy !req
686. Rob Beckett has put two doughnuts!Copy !req
687. Sara Pascoe...Copy !req
688. .. has put two doughnuts.Copy !req
689. We go again. We go again.Copy !req
690. Put your sticks back. This time
you have 20 seconds, this time.Copy !req
691. Your 20 seconds starts...Copy !req
692. Sticking with one?
None of your business. Sort of is.Copy !req
693. Not yet, it isn't.
No, quite right.Copy !req
694. What, what are you doing?Copy !req
695. I'm hiding the doughnuts.
OK, five seconds left.Copy !req
696. Oh, gamesmanship from Al.Copy !req
697. OK, two seconds left.Copy !req
698. And shut your boxes, please.Copy !req
699. OK. I don't know about you,
I'm genuinely excited.Copy !req
700. Al Murray, this time,
has gone for one doughnut.Copy !req
701. Dave Gorman's done one, as well.Copy !req
702. If I didn't, you'd win.Copy !req
703. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul Chowdhry.
Can I predict Paul's?Copy !req
704. Five doughnuts. Nearly.Copy !req
705. Four doughnuts.Copy !req
706. Five doughnuts!Copy !req
707. I should have been able to count.
Paul will only win if there are allCopy !req
708. ones or if two are both twos,
threes, or fours. Yeah.Copy !req
709. We have two doughnuts.
We're going to have a winner.Copy !req
710. We are going to have a winner.Copy !req
711. It's official.
It's either Paul or Rob.Copy !req
712. Sara can't win. That's all right.
I'm still having fun.Copy !req
713. OK. It's either one or two.
But if she's put three doughnuts...Copy !req
714. It would not be
the lowest unique number.Copy !req
715. Yes. I now fully
understand the game.Copy !req
716. Here we go.
So if it's a two, Paul wins.Copy !req
717. If it is a one, Rob wins.
Sara's put...Copy !req
718. three doughnuts.Copy !req
719. No! Oh, that is a shame.Copy !req
720. You could have given them
to the audience.Copy !req
721. I can still give them
to the audience.Copy !req
722. No. Anyone want a doughnut?Copy !req
723. OK, well done to Rob.Copy !req
724. Can you please come down
to find out tonight's winner?Copy !req
725. Doughnuts, Alex, what happened?
Very interesting tactics.Copy !req
726. For me, it was Al and Dave not
budging from one, both of them.Copy !req
727. Same minds. That's because
I knew he was doing one.Copy !req
728. Oh, you had to block him? Yeah,
I knew he was doing one, as well.Copy !req
729. Did you not think that someone else
might do one, and you could do two?Copy !req
730. Well, no, the first time
I knew that he'd done one,Copy !req
731. I didn't know what he'd done
so I had to block him.Copy !req
732. And the second time,
when I knew he'd done one,Copy !req
733. I didn't know what he'd done
and I had to block him.Copy !req
734. What was your tactic, Rob?
I just took three offCopy !req
735. and just put the box shut.Copy !req
736. Sometimes, that's all
it takes for victory.Copy !req
737. OK, Alex, can you please tell us
the scores for today's show?Copy !req
738. I can. That win has pushed
him up a lot of places.Copy !req
739. Al Murray has 16 points, but in
the lead, and the winner, in fact,Copy !req
740. is Mr Rob Beckett with 17 points.Copy !req
741. Rob Beckett wins.Copy !req
742. Five whole photographs
are all yours.Copy !req
743. Rob, you are
the luckiest man in Britain.Copy !req
744. Please go up there
and collect your prizes.Copy !req
745. Well, that is
another series complete.Copy !req
746. It is. Does it make
you feel complete, Greg?Copy !req
747. It sort of does.Copy !req
748. Does it? Yeah.Copy !req
749. But before we find out
our overall series winner,Copy !req
750. what have we learned today?Copy !req
751. Well, we've learned that if you
want to hear Rob Beckett fart,Copy !req
752. put him in a fridge.Copy !req
753. And today we learned that the winner
of this episode is Rob Beckett!Copy !req
754. OK, the time has come, at last.Copy !req
755. After five episodes,Copy !req
756. countless tasks and some
bizarre and brilliant tactics,Copy !req
757. we are about to reveal the overall
winner and present them with this,Copy !req
758. the Taskmaster trophy.Copy !req
759. Alex has added up
the points across the series,Copy !req
760. so I will now hand over to him
to tell us the ultimate scores.Copy !req
761. OK, so...Copy !req
762. Tight, it was tight. There were
just two points separating three menCopy !req
763. at the end. Which means
there were five points available,Copy !req
764. there is only one winner. And he
has won by six points overall.Copy !req
765. It's Mr Rob Beckett!Copy !req
766. Thank you very much.Copy !req
767. Ladies and gentlemen, the champion
of the third series of TaskmasterCopy !req
768. is Mr Rob Beckett!Copy !req
769. Congratulations, Rob Beckett!
Thank you. Rob Beckett!Copy !req
770. Thank you so much, everyone.
Take care and goodnight.Copy !req