1. Hello! I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.Copy !req
2. We're nearing the end of the series,
and before long we'll find outCopy !req
3. who's going home with this -Copy !req
4. the most sought-after
trophy in television.Copy !req
5. Imagine the delight as they wake up
each morning with this faceCopy !req
6. next to theirs in bed,Copy !req
7. cos that's definitely where
they'll be keeping it.Copy !req
8. Let's meet our five contenders now.
They are...Copy !req
9. Al Murray!Copy !req
10. Dave Gorman!Copy !req
11. Paul Chowdhry!Copy !req
12. Rob Beckett!Copy !req
13. Sara Pascoe!Copy !req
14. And next to me, statistically
speaking, it's Alex Horne.Copy !req
15. Is it? Is it Alex Horne?
It is. It is! I am Alex Horne.Copy !req
16. I am officially
the deputy Taskmaster,Copy !req
17. so if you get ill or weak
or lost, I become...Copy !req
18. I become the Taskmaster, or else
it says we might get David Walliams.Copy !req
19. Really?Copy !req
20. OK, we usually start the show
with a prize task, and today...Copy !req
21. Oh, yeah, we're going to start
the show with a prize task.Copy !req
22. Today, you've asked
the people, these five,Copy !req
23. to bring in their
shiniest thing. Oh!Copy !req
24. So whoever brings in
the shiniest thingCopy !req
25. that you judge to be the shiniestCopy !req
26. will win the first
maximum points of the show.Copy !req
27. Whoever wins the whole episode will
go home with five shiny things. Wow.Copy !req
28. Yes. Everyone's into
shiny things, right? Right.Copy !req
29. Sara? Yes?Copy !req
30. What shiny thing have you
brought in and why should it win?Copy !req
31. Oh, erm, I have put in
the shiniest thing of all,Copy !req
32. which is the single
Shine by Take That.Copy !req
33. Every kind of meaning of
the word "shine" is encapsulated,Copy !req
34. plus it's one of the best songs
ever written, I think we all agree.Copy !req
35. Or don't we? Yeah!Copy !req
36. It seems to me your
relationship with Take ThatCopy !req
37. is fairly complicated.Copy !req
38. When Take That were first together,
I really loved them,Copy !req
39. and then they broke up
and I didn't kill myself,Copy !req
40. I just carried on going,Copy !req
41. and I'm glad that I did, because
then they got back together.Copy !req
42. And then we found out that three
of the four didn't actually pay tax,Copy !req
43. which I'm very against,
so it's complicated.Copy !req
44. It is. But I think if I love
them enough, they'll change...Copy !req
45. for the better!Copy !req
46. Rob, what have you brought in?Copy !req
47. Well, I've brought in something
quite close to my heart. Yeah?Copy !req
48. I'm a big football fan
and I've brought in myCopy !req
49. almost 99% completed sticker album
from the World Cup.Copy !req
50. Ooh!Copy !req
51. Look at all those shinies in there.
Yeah.Copy !req
52. The difficult thing for me is, Rob,Copy !req
53. it brings back pretty awful
memories from the '80s,Copy !req
54. cos I despise football and, erm...
Oh.Copy !req
55. So not a great pick, then, was it?Copy !req
56. I got a Panini sticker
just to try and fit in.Copy !req
57. Paul, what have you brought?Copy !req
58. I've brought in my shiny balls.Copy !req
59. Of course he did!Copy !req
60. I mean... What do you use them for?Copy !req
61. Just playing with them, innit? OK.Copy !req
62. It's good for your joints
and your movements.Copy !req
63. Yeah, they're also
called Chinese exercise balls,Copy !req
64. Chinese medicine balls or
Chinese healthy balls.Copy !req
65. Those are the official name. That
is genuinely the official name.Copy !req
66. Is it like a stress release thing?
It is, it is, Sara. Oh, OK. Yeah.Copy !req
67. Al Murray?Copy !req
68. Erm, I brought in a torch.Copy !req
69. Is it a nice torch? I haven't seen
it. Well, it doesn't work, does it?Copy !req
70. What? No, it turns out it doesn't
work, yeah. What do you mean?Copy !req
71. Don't off-load all your crap
on this show, mate!Copy !req
72. What's really good about it is,
if it worked,Copy !req
73. it could be used to test how shiny
our objects are. Yeah. If it worked.Copy !req
74. If it worked. To be fair, yours
doesn't work without a CD player.Copy !req
75. Hang on. Your CD...
Well, hang on, mate,Copy !req
76. I can't look at your stickers
if someone plucks my eyes out.Copy !req
77. Fair point. I think that'd
make 'em all null and void.Copy !req
78. My balls are fine.Copy !req
79. Pop 'em in instead. Pop 'em in.
Pop 'em in your eyes.Copy !req
80. I'll look like a Doctor Who monster,
it'll be wicked.Copy !req
81. You already do.Copy !req
82. Welcome to last place.Copy !req
83. I hadn't finished saying "one of the
nice monsters that everyone loves."Copy !req
84. Aww...Copy !req
85. Too late.Copy !req
86. So, we don't need to
see what Dave's is!Copy !req
87. Come on, Dave, what's yours?Copy !req
88. I've brought in a cycling jacket
made of what is -Copy !req
89. I think science has proven to be -Copy !req
90. the most reflective surface on
Earth, so it's very, very shiny.Copy !req
91. It also has
a little light in the back,Copy !req
92. so it actually creates its own
light also, so it's doingCopy !req
93. what the torch does and what
these other objects do, combined.Copy !req
94. You can't stick it in a book, mate.
And it's not called "shine".Copy !req
95. You actually can. Can you?Copy !req
96. Yeah, you open the pages of
a book, you put the jacket in,Copy !req
97. you close the book. You can
literally... You can do that. Yeah.Copy !req
98. You're going to be telling me next
with enough encouragement
it can sing a song and avoid tax.Copy !req
99. OK, well, thanks for your shiny
objects. Here comes my judgment.Copy !req
100. Strap yourselves in.
Al's broken torch last. It's broken.Copy !req
101. Yeah. Number four. I'm really sorry,
Rob. It's your shiny stickersCopy !req
102. but that's cos of my past.Copy !req
103. It's not fair but
that's what's happening.Copy !req
104. Three, Dave's high-vis jacket.
It's just boring.Copy !req
105. Number two, Take That.Copy !req
106. You know, they would have
been number oneCopy !req
107. if they'd stop avoiding tax.Copy !req
108. Stop it. Pay your tax.
You would have been number one.Copy !req
109. Number one is
Paul's Chinese handballs.Copy !req
110. What's next? We're going to have
some fun undressing. Ready?Copy !req
111. Yeah. Here we go. Ooh.Copy !req
112. Oh, that's good, innit?
That's a good one.Copy !req
113. "Spread your clothes as far and wide
as possible at your own expense."Copy !req
114. "You must discard
four items of clothingCopy !req
115. "that you're currently wearing."Copy !req
116. "Furthest and widest wins."Copy !req
117. "You have 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."Copy !req
118. Four items?Copy !req
119. So I just dump my clothes?Copy !req
120. Well, it says discard but whatever.Copy !req
121. As far and wide.Copy !req
122. So they've got to go
in opposite directions.Copy !req
123. Yeah, I mean, essentially,Copy !req
124. I wanted to mark my territory
with your clothes.Copy !req
125. So we're looking for an enormous
shape with four corners made ofCopy !req
126. clothes and they've got
the whole of London to play with.Copy !req
127. All of London they could use?Copy !req
128. Well, they only had half an hour.
But we did film this in London.Copy !req
129. Any part of London. Good.Copy !req
130. Let's see how Paul got on. Ready?Copy !req
131. As far and as wide as possible?
Yes, please.Copy !req
132. So we'll start with one sock here.Copy !req
133. Shall I put the other one
in the other corner?Copy !req
134. All right.
The other one's over there.Copy !req
135. If we can get that plane
to take offCopy !req
136. I can get it even further.Copy !req
137. Pretty far, innit?Copy !req
138. Far and as wide as possible,
that was.Copy !req
139. Do you know that if you throw
a sock over a fenceCopy !req
140. it's still just
the other side of the fence?Copy !req
141. You didn't see where it landed.
What, the sock?Copy !req
142. Yeah, I chucked it over the fence.Copy !req
143. Unless you did some sort of
martial arts throw, it was justCopy !req
144. the other side of the fence.Copy !req
145. But when you twist your hand,
it gives it a spin and it...Copy !req
146. It's probably still travelling now.Copy !req
147. What did you think were the chances
of that plane flying with yourCopy !req
148. fucking sock wrapped round it?Copy !req
149. Pretty high. High?
I was the one who tried it.Copy !req
150. I thought if you put the sock on it,Copy !req
151. I put it in the place where
it could have still flown.Copy !req
152. So when you see all those nerds
at weekends at flying clubCopy !req
153. putting their models and getting
them absolutely perfect,Copy !req
154. the last thing they always do
is stick a sock on it.Copy !req
155. OK. So we're going to the break.Copy !req
156. I just want to say a quick thank you
to Paul for being extraordinary.Copy !req
157. In fact, to express this gratitude,Copy !req
158. we've set Paul
his own special task.Copy !req
159. See you after the break.Copy !req
160. "Have the most fun on this bouncy
castle. You have one hour."Copy !req
161. One hour?Copy !req
162. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
163. Welcome back to Taskmaster.Copy !req
164. Thank you, Paul. Alex,
what was happening before the break?Copy !req
165. Well, clothes...Copy !req
166. Clothes were being shed left,
right and, in Paul's case, centre.Copy !req
167. Happy with Paul?
Are you joking? I fucking love him.Copy !req
168. Who's next?Copy !req
169. Well, we're going to have
a look at Sara and DaveCopy !req
170. and see if they left the house.Copy !req
171. Come on, then.Copy !req
172. Come on, Alex, we can do better.Copy !req
173. One magpie.Copy !req
174. I'm going to put this
bit of wood inside my sockCopy !req
175. so it goes out to
the middle of the river.Copy !req
176. Yes.
And then we can watch it drift away.Copy !req
177. Yeah.Copy !req
178. There she goes.Copy !req
179. If I gave you
a sock to put in your pocket,Copy !req
180. would you take it with you to
the end of your journey? Can do.Copy !req
181. Whereabouts is the end
of your journey? East Sheen.Copy !req
182. I appreciate your help. Thank you.
God speed. Thanks, mate. Thank you.Copy !req
183. How are we doing time-wise? Halfway.Copy !req
184. Oh, great, there's no barriers.Copy !req
185. Thought I might as well walk this
way for a little bit, no bus coming.Copy !req
186. It's the other platform, it's
the other platform, it's coming in.Copy !req
187. Oh, no!Copy !req
188. Not for the first time, Sara Pascoe,Copy !req
189. your response to a task
is just to run. Run fast.Copy !req
190. I take everything very literally.Copy !req
191. My favourite bit of
the whole tape was...Copy !req
192. I don't know what it meant,
the "Yeah" that you didCopy !req
193. after you put the piece of wood in
your sock and chucked in the Thames.Copy !req
194. What do you mean? You went, "Yeah."Copy !req
195. "Yeah."
I felt really great about it.Copy !req
196. I felt like that's what
our ancestors would have doneCopy !req
197. if they needed something to go
really far away.Copy !req
198. But you went in an exact straight
line for 1.6 miles.Copy !req
199. Wow. We're trying to look for an
area, but... Am I being stupid?Copy !req
200. Are you saying that Sara ran
with her sock down the Thames?Copy !req
201. It was bobbing along.Copy !req
202. It was going slower than Sara,
but it was bobbing alongside.Copy !req
203. But it's still, probably,
going out to sea now,Copy !req
204. which is the important thing
for this task.Copy !req
205. Even though you had a time limit,Copy !req
206. you think you've taken
the moral victory?Copy !req
207. Oh! Oh! So it doesn't matter
how far the sock went.Copy !req
208. I've just got what
we were supposed to be doing.Copy !req
209. Oh, I understand it now!Copy !req
210. I've got it.Copy !req
211. I should have put... I should have
put a sock over a plane.Copy !req
212. Now it makes sense.Copy !req
213. Well, that sort of explains your
Forrest Gump reaction to tasks now.Copy !req
214. Dave, you used some clothes mules.
Yeah.Copy !req
215. Yeah, I got a bus and then got off
the bus, leaving a sock there,Copy !req
216. so that travelled. Yeah, lovely.
All makes perfect sense.Copy !req
217. You got a round of applause
when you got on a bus,Copy !req
218. using public transport,
very impressive.Copy !req
219. None of this quite explains why you
took a knife to one of your shirts.Copy !req
220. Because we were doing
four items of clothingCopy !req
221. and I split one of my four in twoCopy !req
222. so that they could go
in opposite directions,Copy !req
223. so I had five nodes to play withCopy !req
224. instead of four,
to give me further breadth.Copy !req
225. But it's not an item of clothing,
half a shirt,Copy !req
226. unless you're howling mad.Copy !req
227. No, but if one half of
a shirt is hereCopy !req
228. and one half of a shirt is there,
that shirt is spread.Copy !req
229. It's a broken shirt.Copy !req
230. It's no longer an item of clothing.Copy !req
231. It's like when David Banner turns
into the Hulk...Copy !req
232. It's exactly like that.
You can't put his shirt back on,Copy !req
233. it's two pieces of a shirt,
you can't...Copy !req
234. I would say that shirt
has been spreadCopy !req
235. and I think their reaction
to hearing itCopy !req
236. says that they agree with me, that
that shirt has been spread.Copy !req
237. What a shame they have no power.Copy !req
238. You did use the word...
Did you use the word "nodes"?Copy !req
239. Yeah, I did. You did use nodes.
That almost got me back onside.Copy !req
240. Dave Gorman's in the lead.
Next up, Rob and Al.Copy !req
241. We've grouped them together because
they did similar things. Here we go.Copy !req
242. Have you got your van? I've got
my van. Shall we go for a drive?Copy !req
243. Request taxi.Copy !req
244. So, two of you go, one with
the jacket, one with the hat.Copy !req
245. Then we'll do the similar
in another direction.Copy !req
246. When I figure out how to order
a second taxi.Copy !req
247. It's the "and wide"
that's the problem.Copy !req
248. You've got 28 minutes
and 15 seconds left. OK, let's go.Copy !req
249. Left out of here, mate.Copy !req
250. OK. Here he comes.Copy !req
251. Good luck.Copy !req
252. Fly like the wind.Copy !req
253. Right. OK.Copy !req
254. Ugh. I don't know this area.Copy !req
255. Are you for hire?Copy !req
256. Ha-ha!Copy !req
257. So, towards Richmond or
towards the south-west?Copy !req
258. Towards Richmond, please.
The first exit.Copy !req
259. Just over there on the right by
that Fiat, please. Yeah, thank you.Copy !req
260. So... Just drop it out the window?
If you want, yeah.Copy !req
261. That's that.Copy !req
262. Discarded, isn't it?Copy !req
263. Right.Copy !req
264. OK.Copy !req
265. Socks gone?Copy !req
266. Socks are gone.Copy !req
267. A bit of my bum came out, then.Copy !req
268. If we could stop in 30 seconds,
that'd be brilliant.Copy !req
269. Five, four, three, two, one. Doof.Copy !req
270. Trousers gone, are they?
Yeah, no trousers any more, mate.Copy !req
271. Just me and my pants.Copy !req
272. I mean, you are the naughtiest boy.Copy !req
273. You know, I'd always been warned
of getting into a vanCopy !req
274. with a man with a beard with
no trousers on, but it was great.Copy !req
275. We had such fun, didn't we, Alex?Copy !req
276. We had a lot of fun.
I hope you're listening, kids.Copy !req
277. Al, throwing cash at the problem.
Yeah.Copy !req
278. There were three different
vehicles involved.Copy !req
279. My taxi cost 60 quid, which,
you know, you could buy a sofa...Copy !req
280. I'm selling a sofa at the moment.Copy !req
281. £60.Copy !req
282. What he did well was the clothes
went in different directionsCopy !req
283. at the same time. You paid a man to
just walk with some clothing. Yeah.Copy !req
284. Yeah. Very impressive.Copy !req
285. You're going to be at
a loss at the end of this series,Copy !req
286. the amount of money you've
spent on... What price glory?Copy !req
287. Currently £340.Copy !req
288. Have we got some statistics or what?Copy !req
289. Yes, do you want to see?Copy !req
290. What I've done, I've plotted it
on a map, that's my sort of thing.Copy !req
291. We can see their distances
covered here.Copy !req
292. We're going to look at Sara's,
first of all, in green.Copy !req
293. Quite narrow, so it's a total of...Copy !req
294. ..0.02 square miles.Copy !req
295. Then we've got Dave's in blue.Copy !req
296. It's more of a shape.Copy !req
297. It's 0.3 square miles.Copy !req
298. In red, we've got Rob's.Copy !req
299. 2.7 square miles.Copy !req
300. Finally, in purple -
nearly finally, in purple,Copy !req
301. Al Murray, 6.2 square miles.Copy !req
302. We're going to zoom in.Copy !req
303. In pink. In pink.Copy !req
304. Paul Chowdhry's clothes
covering 0.0001 square miles,Copy !req
305. pretty much the same as his clothes.Copy !req
306. Yeah, chuck it over... Chuck it
over a fence, stick it on a plane.Copy !req
307. So, Al Murray was
the winner of the task.Copy !req
308. I'd like to see the scoreboard,
Alex, if I could, please.Copy !req
309. This is our 15th show. For the first
time ever, we have joint leaders.Copy !req
310. Six points each!Copy !req
311. Next task, please, Alex.Copy !req
312. OK, this one is one of my
favourites. It's a lab-based task.Copy !req
313. Ooh.Copy !req
314. Hello!Copy !req
315. Hi. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
316. Morning.Copy !req
317. Oh.Copy !req
318. Hello, mate.Copy !req
319. Hello, Rob. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
320. Is he your dad?Copy !req
321. Are you his dad?Copy !req
322. Hello.Copy !req
323. "Find out what
this gentleman did for a living."Copy !req
324. "You can ask him any question,
but you must whisper at all times."Copy !req
325. "The gentleman can only nod
or shake his head."Copy !req
326. "The gentleman can only lie."Copy !req
327. Oh, man.Copy !req
328. "Fastest wins.Copy !req
329. "Your time... starts...Copy !req
330. "..now."Copy !req
331. Is everyone getting someone
dressed up as their future self?Copy !req
332. I loved this one, as well.Copy !req
333. Rob's instinct was exactly
the same as mine.Copy !req
334. I presume that is your dad, is it?
It's not my dad.Copy !req
335. He looks nothing like me.Copy !req
336. He definitely looks like him, right?Copy !req
337. Who else thought it was Alex's dad?Copy !req
338. Nothing like me. He's not my dad.
His name is Hugh.Copy !req
339. He's 83 years old,
same age as Michael Caine.Copy !req
340. But we couldn't get Michael Caine,
because people know he's an actor.Copy !req
341. Also, he hates people whispering,Copy !req
342. so the rule is that
they had to whisper,Copy !req
343. these guys had to whisper, and
he could only nod or shake his head.Copy !req
344. And he's your dad. He's not my dad.Copy !req
345. Terrible timing, but we have to stop
now for a break. Back soon.Copy !req
346. Welcome back. And...Copy !req
347. Thanks so much for that, Paul.Copy !req
348. Our contestants are playing
for shiny items today,Copy !req
349. and their eagerness to win them is
written all over their little faces.Copy !req
350. Alex, can you bring us back up
to speed, please? Of course I can.Copy !req
351. Hugh, our octogenarian friend,Copy !req
352. is being grilled by the comedians
on what he used to do for a living.Copy !req
353. The rule is you guys had to whisper,
he had to lie. Yeah.Copy !req
354. And he could only nod
or shake his head.Copy !req
355. Yeah. That's it. Do you want
to start with Rob and Paul?Copy !req
356. Yes. Here we go, here we go.Copy !req
357. Did you work in a public sector job?Copy !req
358. The government?Copy !req
359. The council?Copy !req
360. NHS?Copy !req
361. Oh. Was you a doctor?Copy !req
362. What type of doctor? That's niche.Copy !req
363. What sort of doctor? Are you mad?Copy !req
364. Did you help people?Copy !req
365. You worked in a care home?Copy !req
366. Were you a driving instructor?Copy !req
367. Are you...? Were you a doctor?Copy !req
368. He was a doctor.
What sort of doctor, Paul?Copy !req
369. Oh, for fuck's sake. You fucking...Copy !req
370. I mean, I don't know what type of
doctors there are. Were you a GP?Copy !req
371. No, you weren't. Was you a surgeon?Copy !req
372. Brain doctor?Copy !req
373. I don't know any more doctors.Copy !req
374. Dentist?Copy !req
375. I said, "Are you a doctor?"
He went no, which means he was.Copy !req
376. That's a job.Copy !req
377. I don't know what more
you want from me.Copy !req
378. Were you a GP?Copy !req
379. A doctor of paediatrics?Copy !req
380. Like a psychiatrist?Copy !req
381. This is unfair.Copy !req
382. I've got he was a doctor.Copy !req
383. Are you Dr Pepper?Copy !req
384. Dr Doolittle?Copy !req
385. OK, I don't know... What other
doctors are there? Surgeon?Copy !req
386. Was you a doctor in hearing?Copy !req
387. Heart doctor, brain doctor...Copy !req
388. What other sorts of doctors
are there? Were you a surgeon?Copy !req
389. Were you a nurse?Copy !req
390. Did you ever get involved
with the nurses?Copy !req
391. Have you got a degree in medicine?Copy !req
392. Are you a psychologist?Copy !req
393. I might need one.Copy !req
394. X-rays. Are you a bone doctor?
Radiologist?Copy !req
395. Are you an ear,
nose and throat surgeon?Copy !req
396. Were you a doctor's assistant?Copy !req
397. So, you gave the patient something
in the surgery rooms?Copy !req
398. So can you mime
what you did as your job?Copy !req
399. Anaesthetist.Copy !req
400. That was hard work, weren't it?Copy !req
401. Anaesthetic doctor?Copy !req
402. He's an anaesthetic doctor.Copy !req
403. What is that called?Copy !req
404. When you put people into
anaesthesia.Copy !req
405. What's the title?Copy !req
406. Are you saying anaesthetic doctor?Copy !req
407. An anas-thaesist?Copy !req
408. A what? Anaesthesist.Copy !req
409. Thank you, Paul.Copy !req
410. Wow.Copy !req
411. I'm going to recreate my
favourite moment from that,Copy !req
412. when Rob got his breakthrough
on the NHS.Copy !req
413. Did you work for the NHS?Copy !req
414. Oh...Copy !req
415. Rob got to the NHS very early,Copy !req
416. but then spent a long time
after that pinning it down. Ages.Copy !req
417. You then said things like
Captain Birdseye, Head of the NHS.Copy !req
418. It took a while...Copy !req
419. I was in there for about two days.Copy !req
420. You both seemed very angry that
you had to get the type of doctor.Copy !req
421. Yeah, cos it said what job is it -
a doctor, that's your job, isn't it?Copy !req
422. He shouldn't have said yes.Copy !req
423. The trouble is he is Dr Hugh,
but he's an anaesthetist.Copy !req
424. I struggle with that word, as well,
Paul. Can you say it now?Copy !req
425. Anaethesetisis. Yeah.
I struggle with it, too.Copy !req
426. Do you want to know some of
the other things that Paul guessed?Copy !req
427. Yes, please. Yoga instructor, rent
boy, baby-sitter, hygiene doctor.Copy !req
428. Dr Dre, there was quite a few.
Dr Dre!Copy !req
429. I didn't know. I may as well
get these ticked off before.Copy !req
430. Rob said the word "Doctor" 49 times,Copy !req
431. Paul said the word
"Doctor" 63 times.Copy !req
432. He made 15 sexual references
and he swore 23 times.Copy !req
433. 15 sexual references?Copy !req
434. Rob took ten minutes and
five seconds to discover the truth.Copy !req
435. Paul, slightly longer.Copy !req
436. 42 minutes and seven seconds.Copy !req
437. Let's take a look at
Sarah and Dave. Here we go.Copy !req
438. Medicine. OK.Copy !req
439. Eh... Was it something you needed
a university education for?Copy !req
440. Yes.Copy !req
441. Were you a doctor?Copy !req
442. No, I'm getting very confused
about what's...Copy !req
443. Can you make sure you whisper,
please, Dave?Copy !req
444. Did your job begin
with the letter A?Copy !req
445. Wow, OK.Copy !req
446. I didn't expect it to go that well.Copy !req
447. Oh, right. Were you an architect?Copy !req
448. That's the only job I can think of
that begins with an A.Copy !req
449. Were you a heart surgeon?Copy !req
450. Em...Copy !req
451. Eh... Were you an archer?Copy !req
452. Eh... Oh, God,
I've really hamstrung myselfCopy !req
453. by knowing
it begins with an A now.Copy !req
454. Did you ever get to go
in an ambulance?Copy !req
455. Were you a paramedic?Copy !req
456. OK. Em...Copy !req
457. Were you an ambulance driver?Copy !req
458. No. A general practitioner?Copy !req
459. Did you ever use an X-ray machine?Copy !req
460. Were you a nurse?Copy !req
461. I'm in the ball park, right? Yeah.Copy !req
462. You've been in the ball park
for quite a while. I know!Copy !req
463. Was it medical in any way?Copy !req
464. Yes.Copy !req
465. And it's not an ambulance driver.
Paediatrician?Copy !req
466. OK, em...Copy !req
467. Were you an anaesthetist?Copy !req
468. Get in.Copy !req
469. That's a result.Copy !req
470. Wow.Copy !req
471. Well, I think I've got to win this
one, haven't I? Surely that's...Copy !req
472. Four minutes 21, Dave.Copy !req
473. Nobody's getting that
in under four minutes 21.Copy !req
474. Were you an anaesthetist?Copy !req
475. Is that it?Copy !req
476. Yeah!Copy !req
477. That was pretty fast.Copy !req
478. Sara seemed very efficient to me.Copy !req
479. Couple of highlights from Sara -Copy !req
480. "Did you make babies
in a test tube?"Copy !req
481. It's a doctor.Copy !req
482. "Did you specialise in urinary
tract infections?" Very specific.Copy !req
483. I was trying to guess
the different types of doctor.Copy !req
484. You did. That's an incredibly
specific doctor, isn't it?Copy !req
485. Eight minutes 31 she took. That was
pretty impressive. She's into...Copy !req
486. into the lead.Copy !req
487. But, obviously, we heard that
Dave did it in four minutes 21.Copy !req
488. Currently in the lead with one
to go. That was good. It was good.Copy !req
489. It was. It was.Copy !req
490. Al?Copy !req
491. Four minutes 21 to beat.
Four minutes 21 to beat. You ready?Copy !req
492. Impossible, innit? Let's go.Copy !req
493. Dave thinks so. Let's see.
Here we go. Not any more, I don't.Copy !req
494. Did you do it for a very long time?Copy !req
495. So, yeah, you did.Copy !req
496. Was it highly skilled?Copy !req
497. Yes, it was.Copy !req
498. Did it involve working
with, like, machinery?Copy !req
499. Yes, it did.Copy !req
500. OK. Were you a doctor? Keep
your voice down a little bit, Al.Copy !req
501. Sorry.Copy !req
502. Were you a doctor?Copy !req
503. Yes. So you were a...Copy !req
504. Were you a GP?Copy !req
505. No. Were you a surgeon?Copy !req
506. No. An anaesthetist?Copy !req
507. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
508. Oh, my God!Copy !req
509. Unfortunately, not whispering
at the beginning of the task,Copy !req
510. so null and void.Copy !req
511. I'm joking! I'm joking, of course.
Like me, please, like me.Copy !req
512. Good, well, amazing performances
nearly all round.Copy !req
513. Yeah, I mean, Al was...
He was tender, he was professional.Copy !req
514. He said afterwards he knew
because he had soft handsCopy !req
515. when he shook his hands.Copy !req
516. Yep. Really?Copy !req
517. Yep.Copy !req
518. I could just tell.Copy !req
519. He'd not done anything
like manual labour,Copy !req
520. because he had very soft,
delicate hands.Copy !req
521. So, he must have been
an anaesthetisist.Copy !req
522. I've a cousin who's an anaeth...
An anae... No...Copy !req
523. Who does this job.Copy !req
524. So, I just got this vibe off him.
Wow.Copy !req
525. Properly Derren-Browned it. Yeah.Copy !req
526. Do you want to know his time? No.Copy !req
527. Yeah, yeah, please.Copy !req
528. Eight seconds and two minutes.Copy !req
529. Tell me how it's affected
the scoreboard.Copy !req
530. Well, obviously they are now
no longer on the same score.Copy !req
531. They're all on different scores,
and Al Murray is in the lead. Bam!Copy !req
532. Lovely whispering work. Let's have
another task, Alex, please.Copy !req
533. OK, it's a team challenge.Copy !req
534. It's a high-tech team task.Copy !req
535. Ready? Here we go.Copy !req
536. OK. Do you want to read it?Copy !req
537. No, you read it. OK.Copy !req
538. P51D Mustang.
Is that a good one? Yeah.Copy !req
539. "Make the most special effect."Copy !req
540. "Make the most special effect.Copy !req
541. "You have one hour."Copy !req
542. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
543. Special effect.
They've got green screen. Yeah.Copy !req
544. If one of us wore a green outfit,
we could fly this aeroplaneCopy !req
545. across this amazing landscape
that we put in later.Copy !req
546. ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER,Copy !req
547. Well, that's pretty special.Copy !req
548. I could try and be King Kong.
Yeah, that's what I mean.Copy !req
549. You can come in really angry.
I can do a chimp face.Copy !req
550. So, there's like
this horrible monkey...Copy !req
551. Well, then, we could tell a story,
we could do anything.Copy !req
552. We could make us all disappear.
Independence Day.Copy !req
553. Big Momma's House?Copy !req
554. Pick a film.Copy !req
555. Some very interesting team dynamics
straightaway, I thought.Copy !req
556. Some very sensible suggestions
from Dave and AlCopy !req
557. followed by Paul listing
terrible films.Copy !req
558. Big Momma's House,
there was three to choose from.Copy !req
559. I think you misunderstood
the task, mate.Copy !req
560. Special effects, innit? So why are
you saying Big Momma's House?Copy !req
561. Cos the same actor played
all of the characters.Copy !req
562. Martin Lawrence isn't a woman.
They're not the same people...Copy !req
563. It's not... He's doing all of them.Copy !req
564. Oh! We didn't have a clue, did we,
when we watched that? No, we didn't.Copy !req
565. We thought it was all real.Copy !req
566. Yeah, it's all CG...
It's very special.Copy !req
567. You need to watch
more foreign films.Copy !req
568. Let's have a look at
Al, Paul and Big Momma's House.Copy !req
569. And David. OK.Copy !req
570. Carnival De Paris
by Dario GCopy !req
571. Very good.Copy !req
572. I mean, pleased with it?Copy !req
573. Yeah. Bit different to
Big Momma's House,Copy !req
574. but that's as close
as you could get to it.Copy !req
575. I mean, you'd been sacked by
the end of the film, it seemed.Copy !req
576. Your character, that's gone.Copy !req
577. Yeah, there's a sequel to that
coming out soon, I think.Copy !req
578. Can we talk through
the narrative of the film?Copy !req
579. I can talk you through it,
cos I watched it.Copy !req
580. I don't want to read too much
into it, but at the beginning,Copy !req
581. there's a man who's got a head,
but another head on top of the head.Copy !req
582. He's hidden...Copy !req
583. One of his heads is reading
the paper,Copy !req
584. and the other head is Al Murray,
the comedian.Copy !req
585. Am I right so far? I had no idea
it was an autobiographical piece.Copy !req
586. Then the ball hits it, and then
Al Murray's head is in the air.Copy !req
587. Oh, no, I'm really worried about
Al Murray. Then, occasionally...Copy !req
588. Can I stop you, Sara?
I'll just tell you nowCopy !req
589. that I don't know whether people
will be going,Copy !req
590. "Oh, no, I'm worried about Al
Murray."Copy !req
591. Because Al Murray's disembodied
head was smiling throughout.Copy !req
592. Also, sometimes, for the viewer
who might get scared too easily,Copy !req
593. he occasionally just came out
of the green screen,Copy !req
594. so you could see his trousers.Copy !req
595. You remembered what it was
and stopped worrying.Copy !req
596. Yeah, it's special.
That's a special effect.Copy !req
597. That was one of our special effects.Copy !req
598. Sometimes the word "special"
can mean bad.Copy !req
599. Right, I think this is as good
a time as any to take a quick break.Copy !req
600. When we return,
we'll see Rob and Sara'sCopy !req
601. potentially Oscar-winning
short film.Copy !req
602. Then, all five will hit the stage
for the final task of the show.Copy !req
603. Bye-bye for now.Copy !req
604. Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.Copy !req
605. Thank you, Paul. Here we are in
the final part of the show.Copy !req
606. There's Al Murray's broken
torch to be wonCopy !req
607. and a live task to take place,Copy !req
608. but first, what are we up to?
Well, we've just seenCopy !req
609. the Beards' very incredible
special effect movie.Copy !req
610. It's just the brother and sister,
Rob and Sara's film to go.Copy !req
611. You ready? Yeah, let's see
the twins. Here we go.Copy !req
612. Hey, Rob. Do you like my new shoes?Copy !req
613. What shoes?Copy !req
614. My shoes have disappeared.Copy !req
615. No, they haven't.Copy !req
616. These aren't mine.Copy !req
617. What about these?Copy !req
618. I've never seen these
before in my life.Copy !req
619. Here you go, then.Copy !req
620. Ugh! Rob! This is ridiculous.Copy !req
621. Will you just give me back my shoes?Copy !req
622. Coming right up.Copy !req
623. Oh, phew. Thank gosh you've stopped
mucking around with shoes.Copy !req
624. And I asked you not to use
magic in the house.Copy !req
625. We're not in the house.Copy !req
626. Rob!Copy !req
627. How are you going to
magic yourself out of a divorce?Copy !req
628. I'll find a way.Copy !req
629. Nice shoes.Copy !req
630. Introducing them as brother and
sister has taken a sinister twist.Copy !req
631. Shoes were the least of our worries.Copy !req
632. I think, regardless of
their relationship,Copy !req
633. it's a fairly sinister film.Copy !req
634. I'm intrigued. What was your
understanding of it, Al?Copy !req
635. What did you think was going on
there? Well, they were doing a thingCopy !req
636. where they were making shoes appear
and disappear. Correct.Copy !req
637. Is that your review,
three stars? Out.Copy !req
638. But there was also
the emotional story.Copy !req
639. This poor woman who has to live
with this guyCopy !req
640. who keeps making
shoes appear and disappear.Copy !req
641. Then there's the divorce and then
there's a new coupling.Copy !req
642. There were some issues there, wasn't
there? I mean... What issues?Copy !req
643. There was a gay man trapped in
a heterosexual marriage, presumably.Copy !req
644. Eh, yes. Or just maybe...
Hence his obsession with shoes.Copy !req
645. Yeah, why are we talking about
my private life? We're at work.Copy !req
646. I thought he was a very nuanced
character, though, the...Copy !req
647. .. the insane, winking, gay magician.Copy !req
648. As far as I can work out
in the narrative, though,Copy !req
649. you taunted her by repeatedly
changing her footwear... Yeah, sure.Copy !req
650. .. and then, you made her disappear
and you replaced her with a man.Copy !req
651. Yes, that is correct.
Why taunt her with the shoes?Copy !req
652. Why not just get rid of her
and bring the man in?Copy !req
653. Cos that shoe's too loose.Copy !req
654. I don't know what that means. What?Copy !req
655. The character you were playing, the
shoe didn't... It didn't fit him.Copy !req
656. Yes. That's probably what
it would be called, wouldn't it?Copy !req
657. The shoe didn't fit, emotionally?Copy !req
658. Really, I should have
been with a man...Copy !req
659. It's like a reverse
Cinderella story, in a way.Copy !req
660. Yeah, so it was me going through
my emotional changesCopy !req
661. of what do I want, when do I want it
and also, what a waste of magic.Copy !req
662. I mean, honestly, I preferred
the football oneCopy !req
663. until I started getting into
the back-story of those...Copy !req
664. Poor couple, I mean,
what he must be going through.Copy !req
665. So difficult not to be able to just
live in your own skin,Copy !req
666. or, indeed, to be fired into
a different dimension.Copy !req
667. Can I do a draw? No, cos
it's got to be five points split.Copy !req
668. All right, then. I'm going to give
three to the football teamCopy !req
669. and two to that team there.Copy !req
670. 3-2.Copy !req
671. Alex, where are we at score-wise?
Well, it is exciting.Copy !req
672. For the first time in the series,
with one task to go,Copy !req
673. anyone can win, but Al Murray is
currently in the lead with 14.Copy !req
674. Right, one of our contestants
is going to go home safelyCopy !req
675. in Dave Gorman's hi-vis jacket.Copy !req
676. To find out who that person is,Copy !req
677. we need them all to participate
in one final contest.Copy !req
678. Will you please make your way
to the stageCopy !req
679. for the final task of the show?Copy !req
680. Not many props this time.Copy !req
681. Sara Pascoe, will you please read
the task to your fellow contestants?Copy !req
682. Can I point out that SaraCopy !req
683. is not wearing any shoes
because Rob winked?Copy !req
684. I've still got my powers, guys.Copy !req
685. There we go, Sara. Thank you.Copy !req
686. "Wearing a blindfold,
cover yourself in sticky notes.Copy !req
687. "Sticky notes must be applied
individually.Copy !req
688. "The person with the most
sticky notesCopy !req
689. "still sticking to their body
after 100 seconds wins."Copy !req
690. Pretty straightforward. Yeah.Copy !req
691. It's got dignity
written all over it.Copy !req
692. When you say body, you've got to
take your clothes offCopy !req
693. and put them on your body?
No, mate. Absolutely not.Copy !req
694. Blindfolds on.Copy !req
695. They can't go inside clothes.Copy !req
696. Ah, no. Good question, Rob.
Thank you.Copy !req
697. They must be on the outside
of your clothes.Copy !req
698. Cos I was going to get 100 sticky
notes in my pants.Copy !req
699. Sticky notes!Copy !req
700. The problem with this
is I can't see anything.Copy !req
701. It does make it harder, don't it?Copy !req
702. OK, blindfolds on, good luck.Copy !req
703. Off they go.Copy !req
704. How's it going, Paul? Good, mate.Copy !req
705. What's your technique, Paul?
Just rub them on me.Copy !req
706. 15 seconds left.Copy !req
707. Go on, Al. Stick to the jeans.Copy !req
708. Five, four...Copy !req
709. .. three, two,Copy !req
710. one.Copy !req
711. Stand still.Copy !req
712. The counters are coming on.Copy !req
713. I feel vulnerable.Copy !req
714. Is everyone else standing here
like this, or is it just me?Copy !req
715. Rob, it's so weird.Copy !req
716. Dave, you get extra marks for
your comedy eyelashes, there.Copy !req
717. I'm going to hold you to that.
The sticky notes have been counted.Copy !req
718. Please join me down here,
we'll find out the final scores.Copy !req
719. So, there we are, Alex.
Have you got some stats for me?Copy !req
720. Have I?Copy !req
721. I don't know. Yes. Yes, I do.Copy !req
722. So the worst person at
sticking sticky notes to their bodyCopy !req
723. was Paul Chowdhry.Copy !req
724. Really? 29. 29 sticky notes.Copy !req
725. Then Al with 31.Copy !req
726. I'm surprised by that,Copy !req
727. cos Al was hampered by
an overly expensive jacket.Copy !req
728. Yes, he did come second last.
Sara in third with 33.Copy !req
729. Dave and Rob, both in the 40s.Copy !req
730. Dave got 40. Rob, 45!Copy !req
731. Without resorting to
ramming them down your pants.Copy !req
732. I didn't have to ram them
down my pants. Impressive.Copy !req
733. So, I presume that means you have
the final scores for the show.Copy !req
734. I do. I can say that Rob is winning
the series by just two points.Copy !req
735. Series leader.Copy !req
736. But the winner of this episode,
a first-time winner.Copy !req
737. It's Mr Dave Gorman.Copy !req
738. Thank you very much.Copy !req
739. Dave Gorman is the winner,
thoroughly deserved.Copy !req
740. You may now go up and collect
your shiny prizes.Copy !req
741. Well, we made it, Alex.
You made it, Greg.Copy !req
742. I did, didn't I? And what exactly
have we learnt today?Copy !req
743. Well, this is what we've learnt -Copy !req
744. the next time you get on a plane
and you're experiencing turbulence,Copy !req
745. have a look out the window,
there might be a giant sock on it.Copy !req
746. But, more than anything, we've
learnt that today's winnerCopy !req
747. is Mr Dave Gorman!Copy !req
748. Congratulations to Dave,
commiserations to everyone else.Copy !req
749. Thank you.
I love you all. Goodnight.Copy !req